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Tofu Burgers a la mode
4 lbs. tofu
6 tbsp. mustard
11 oz. flounder
1/4 tsp. sugar
14 dashes salt
3 oz. pork chops
3 oz. tomatoes
16 oz. octopus
19 oz. chopped potatoes

You may find it helps to have an assistant when preparing Tofu Burgers a la mode.
Blend the tofu. Gently grind the sugar. Quickly fry the flounder until browned. Vigorously fry the octopus until browned. Crush the salt, tomatoes, and potatoes. Rinse the mustard, sugar, and octopus thoroughly with reckless abandon. Quickly grind the tomatoes and pork chops. Shred the mustard, potatoes, flounder, and salt.
Add a scoop or two of butter pecan ice cream to each serving.

Serve with white wine.
Serves 6 hungry friends.

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