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Rhonda: You're the epitome of a fecal opus.
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| 7/5/2008 | Rhonda: Can I shoot you? Greg: OK. Rhonda: (gasp) You're supposed to say of course not! Greg: Oh. Of course not! Rhonda: Too bad! *Blam!*
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| 6/26/2008 | John B.: I have a prosthetic butt because a hippo bit me in the Congo.
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| 4/17/2008 | Anonymous Coward: Right, because without any predators, Terran bacteria could easily overwhelm the Moon's indigenous...er...rock species? trongey: Now that's a scary scenario: bacteria break down all the rocks on the Moon, and all that's left is a cloud of dust orbiting the Earth. Drooling Iguana: That's basically what the Moon is already. It's just kept together due to gravity, which wouldn't switch off when you introduce the bacteria. fredrikj: Unless the bacteria eat gravity.
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| 4/20/2008 | Greg: My toilet is beeping at me!
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| 4/14/2008 | Weldon: I have a filtering proxy cache that doesn't want to block this penis enlarging pill site. Greg: That's because it's http://supersilly.com/~greg/enlarge-your-penis-pills Weldon: I get a 404 error on that. Greg: I guess you don't need the pills.
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| 4/7/2008 | Weldon: The blast wave of my fart is strong enough to slow down anyone.
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| 3/21/2008 | Soulskill: Pickens brings news that researchers from Rice University have discovered that it's possible to store hydrogen inside buckyballs... The buckyballs can contain up to 8% of their weight in hydrogen, and they are strong enough to hold it at a density that rivals the center of Jupiter. Anonymous Coward: Also for those of you more familiar with the US measurement system (rather than the SI units): The pressures we're talking about here is almost 200 million library of congresses per VW Beetle. elrous0: That's a big twinkie. Greg: See, that's funny because not only are Americans vigorously resistant to using the Metric system like the rest of the civilized world does, but when describing the throughput of advanced networking technology, they use "Library of Congresses" or "LoCs", meaning you can transfer X number of Library of Congresses in Y time. Rhonda: Yeah? Well you're a poopiehead.
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| 3/14/2008 | Jacob: Are you and Greg gonna get married? Rhonda: I dunno, honey. Jacob: Which would you like better: to get married, or punch Greg in the butthole? Rhonda: Punch him in the butthole! Jacob: Yeah, but if you got married, you could punch him in the butthole any time you wanted.
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| 3/10/2008 | Dad: The 2008 dollar is worth about as much as a wad of phlegm in a flu sufferer's handkerchief.
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| 3/10/2008 | Rhonda: Can I punch you in your teeth? Greg: No. Rhonda: Can I punch you in your forehead? Greg: No. Rhonda: Can I punch you in your eye? Greg: No. Rhonda: Can I punch you in your butthole? Greg: OK.
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| 3/7/2008 | Marlin: I'm not one to jump to conclusions, but you notice how every time Jeff takes off for a few days, people start getting shot?
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| 3/1/2008 | Rhonda: If you fart on me again, I'm going to punch you in your butthole. STOP FARTING ON ME.
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| 2/22/2008 | Greg: I knew it was love when she stopped charging me.
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| 2/13/2008 | Rhonda: They are not MY pants!! Hmph!!!! You dirty rotten dirtlover!!
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| 1/27/2008 | Rhonda: I am simultaneously flabbergasted and entertained at the thought of you pooping out your sleeve.
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| 1/23/2008 | Rhonda: I will respect your butt.
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| 1/14/2008 | Rhonda: What exactly was your point, Mr. Dirtlover Ass Boy Extraordinaire?
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| 1/11/2008 | Rhonda: You may NOT supernova POOH!!
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| 11/30/2007 | Marlin: Water = Poop.
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| 9/24/2007 | Greg (to Mom): You are an island of tankage in a sea of squishiness!
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| 9/14/2007 | Weldon: I wonder if any truck drivers have converted their driver's seat to a toilet? (5 minutes later...) Weldon: can't find any driver toilet seat
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| 9/4/2007 | Weldon: When you see a request to blacklist someone at putzputzputz.com, you don't really need to question it.
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| 8/15/2007 |
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| 7/28/2007 | Mom: Look at the moon! Greg: It's full! Good thing I'm not a werewolf. I'm a weregeek. Wait... that doesn't make any sense. I'm a geek all the time.
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| 7/25/2007 | Jeff: I actually started eating brie because of World of Warcraft.
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| 6/9/2007 | Foxnews.com: A 17-year-old from Ireland, who was born without a jaw, is hoping that a rarely performed surgery will give him a new face to show the world. ...the surgeons will take Doherty's hipbone and ... [it will] be transplanted to [his] lower face. Greg: Taking bone from the hip? I can't help but wonder what this will do to his hip... would the bone grow back? Mom: It will grow into an anterior jaw. Greg: Better than a posterior jaw. Then folks could accuse him of being a buttface.
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| 5/21/2007 | Greg: SATA drives have poop in them? Jeff: Yup.
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| 5/14/2007 | Mom: Good reason to clean, right? Looking for a dead body.
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| 5/2/2007 | [In Allen's office while I'm helping him; Bill walks in.] Greg: Allen asked me how the heck do I know all this stuff. He's been married two or three times... I've never been married. So after I do this all day at work, I go home, and do it all night. Bill: Damn. Damn. <shakes head> Damn.
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| 4/11/2007 | Greg: The performance of MFM is not as good as SCSI in DOS. WHY??? Weldon: Because you have a Hoho in your drive.
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| 4/2/2007 | My boss's boss's boss, to me: Go work at McDonald's.
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| 3/30/2007 | Stephanie: There's stream of consciousness, and then there's stream of consciousness, and Virginia Woolf is neither.
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| 3/7/2007 | Jeff: Remember when Grand Theft Auto made the news because Mexicans were upset? I dont see why they didn't just add, "KILL ALL THE CRACKERS!" and have a bunch of whiteys running out. Greg: The only person to ever call me cracker, several times, was Sherry. Jeff: Cracker!
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| 1/26/2007 | Mom: Acacia wood... wasn't that the wood the Ark was made out of? Greg: I think it was gopher wood. Mom: No, the ARK! Greg: You just said Ark. Mom: NO! The OTHER Ark!
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| 12/20/2006 | (A discussion on Slashdot re: alleged power of the Sony PS3) omemomi: I say, make it calculate the last digit of pi. Anonymous Coward: Chuck Norris IS the last digit of pi. omeomi: You could just guess...you have reasonably good odds of getting it correct. I bet it's 7. Achoi77: I call dibs on 0! Pulse_Instance: You are all wrong, it is nullity. scotch: Last non-zero digit is 1 -- in base pi. camperdave: Base Pi? You're not being rational. Lane.exe: You're all going to Mathematician's Hell for this thread.
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| 12/7/2006 | Jeff: Who would have thought programming would be so exciting? it's like freaking Top Gun over here.
| 11/20/2006 | Greg: The last 10 times or so I've bought something for my computer, I was either at Lowe's, Home Depot, or Advance Auto Parts. Tom: What would you get at an auto parts store for your computer? Greg: Hose clamps. Tom: Hose clamps? For your computer? That's sick, dude.
| 11/13/2006 | Mom: I'll save the realms of death for another day.
| 10/27/2006 | Greg: I wonder how you hire thugs in Mexico?
| 9/27/2006 | Jeff: Zesty Guacamole pringles are spiced with crack.
| 9/22/2006 | Jeff: Holy crap!! You can get peaches in a can??
| 9/20/2006 | Laura: He was dreaming, and they had bowls for skateboard helmets, and their skateboards were wood. Greg: Well, originally, skateboards were made of wood. Laura: No, I mean they were WOOD wood!!
| 9/19/2006 | Greg: Kurt Vonnegut said that anyone who cannot explain what they do to an 8-year-old is a charlatan. Well, I just sent an email: Byron--I've installed a script on the EMIT production server which will automatically update the test server with the Simco update files, so if and when we need to scan for something, we can do so with current data without touching the production data....and I can feel Kurt's eyes burrowing into me! Jeff: I would just tell them I'm an astronaut!
| 8/30/2006 | Greg: Funny Integrator request: "Need two (2) standard USB printer cables - 24 feet long." Greg: Someone needs a network printer! Jeff: Hahahaha! Jeff: "Need VPN access - or ethernet cable 5 miles long" Jeff: I dont even think you can have a usb cable that long and still be within the official usb specs. Greg: "The maximum length of a USB cable is 5 meters; greater lengths require hubs." Jeff: Haha, thought so. Greg: Still, that's roughly 15', so you could conceivably do it with 4 cables and 2 hubs for the 2 printers. Greg: gaaaayyy Jeff: "Your request has been rejected. Reason: Brokeback."
| 8/16/2006 | Marlin: I'll read from like 10 at night until 1:30 in the morning... I can't put it down. I'm a slow reader. Greg: You like to savor it. Marlin: No, I'm a slow reader.
| 8/8/2006 | Chuck: Frickin long haired hippie freak! Pinko liberal COMMIE!
| 7/18/2006 | Chuck: I don't need no stinkin fan...I'm a reptile!
| 7/4/2006 | Greg: Like Leto II, the God-Emperor of Dune, I sometimes go on a "mind safari". Sherry: That sounds like something a stoner would do. Mind safari. Greg: Yes, I'm naturally tripping.
| 6/26/2006 | Greg: I'm half black. Jeff: I'm half Chuck Norris.
| 6/2/2006 | Jeff: C64 is 8,000 times better than an Opteron.
| 5/16/2006 | Greg: What is that? Is that yours? (pointing at my own empty "Equate" nutritional drink can) Mom: You drink that stuff? Greg: It's a meal on the go! Slurp! Mom: (looking at the label) More like chemicals on the go. Greg: Those are vitamins! Mom: Oh, you mean like carrageenan?
| 5/10/2006 | Robert X. Cringley: I'm counting on Google and eBay to save America.
| 4/20/2006 | Mom: Tell Cal to play a minotaur chieftain who gets poisoned all the time and cannot heal himself and is so stupid he cannot transmute either. Cal: Tell her I play the game to get away from my everyday life, not copy it.
| 4/10/2006 | Jeff: energydrinksthatdonttastelikeass.com is available!
| 4/10/2006 | Greg: If you had a black hole one light-year in diameter, it would probably absorb the entire universe.
| 3/20/2006 | Jeff: I want a couple of days of taking it easy! I need surgery! Greg: Yeah man you need to get a hernia! Jeff: Yea man! Greg: Next few times you need to take a crap, push REALLY HARD, that'll help! Jeff: Man, done that before. No hernia yet :-(
| 3/20/2006 | Jeff: If matter is neither created or destroyed, and God is the creator of all things, then why is [VPX] RedLine so tasty?
| 3/17/2006 | Shawn: Aaargh! I hate being human!
| 3/1/2006 | Michele: You are the Man of Infinite and Almighty Powers!
| 2/14/2006 | Jeff: I would remove software such as AdAware and SpyBot Search and Destroy but as I am 'Cornholio', I need 'TP' for my 'bunghole'.
| 2/8/2006 | Greg: Ford should buy GM, GM could buy Daimler-Chrysler, and they could buy Ford. Chuck: And then they could sell all of it to Kia.
| 1/20/2006 | Greg: I'm on the verge of getting on cholesterol drugs :( Jeff: man, thats no good Jeff: 0mg cholesterol in reduced fat pringles Greg: doesn't matter Greg: sugar causes liver to create cholesterol :-\ Jeff: ah Jeff: damn liver
| 1/20/2006 | Jeff: Wanker is a good term; it should be preserved in the new dialect.
| 1/1/2006 | Jen: I am not full of potatoes!
| 12/21/2005 | Greg: The Creative Labs X-Fi sound card sounds good, but can it match the aluminum-free, all-natural performance of Toms of Maine's roll-on deodorant?
| 12/18/2005 | Greg: Weldon has a friend who isn't too bright... Mom: Is it you?
| 12/6/2005 | Greg: Just got some Kensington noise-cancelling headphones from Buy.com, cheap! Like $20. I like 'em! Jeff: Nice. Do they work? Greg: What?
| 11/2/2005 | Marlin: Oops, I'm still on October. And I don't know what day it is. Greg: It's today. Marlin: Yes, but what position in the week is it? Cal: Go to Yahoo.
| 10/17/2005 | Greg: I have a Christmas oven mitt! Except it's not a mitt, it's... what do you call it when it's just a square?
| 10/8/2005 | Sherry: (chanting at fresh brownie pan) COOL... COOL... we could put them in the freezer! Greg: Mmm, I think that may "unbalance" them. Sherry: There is nothing you could do to make those brownies yucky. Greg: You have a lot of faith in my recipe! Sherry: No, I have a lot of faith in brownies.
| 8/23/2005 | Jerry S.: Hey, um, Doug appears to, uh, have Office 2000 I guess, um, operator--or Microsoft 2000 operating system, what's the office 2000, um, for his... anyway...
| 8/22/2005 | Greg: I want a plumbing diode.
| 8/13/2005 | Romanian_Dude2005: This is SUPER SUPER SUPER LONG, but please read, its a nice ideea... [snip] James Bean: im not reading all that, i hate, i hate you and i hate your face! Get out you make me sick. KelranTymus: Then don't read it....but don't yell at Romanian_Dude :( he has fishy sticks, after all..... James Bean: i didnt get a fishy stick
| 8/10/2005 | Bob B.: I'm not sure how the hell you do it, but I'm sure glad somebody can.
| 8/9/2005 | Greg: Don't feel bad. I got killed too.
| 8/9/2005 | Weldon: No Bork! Bork! Bork!?
| 7/23/2005 | (after seeing Fantastic Four) Greg: I liked it. I give it a 7 out of 9. Sherry: Out of 9? Why out of 9? Greg: That's the Weldonian 9-point scale. Weldon observed that with a 10-point scale, you can't have a perfect average--a 5 is slightly below, and a 6 is slightly above. On the Weldonian scale a 5 is average. Sherry: How geekonian of him.
| 6/15/2005 | Dad: When Christ returns, he'll have with Him the armies of Heaven, and they'll be on HORSES. Now where do you keep horses? Mom: In a stable? Dad: In a stable. And what do you feed horses? Mom: Oats. Dad: Spirit horses don't need to eat. Mom: They're spiritual oats!
| 5/19/2005 | Mom: Guess I will just have to start hitting.
| 5/6/2005 | Dad: (paraphrased) The universe is like a compost pile.
| 4/6/2005 | Matt: Oh crap! I forgot the Zentraedi are coming!
| 3/10/2005 | Weldon: Congress needs to pass a law making it illegal to take money from today and go back into the past and use it. It should also make it illegal for someone from the future using money from the future. Because this sort of thing has to stop!
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