| Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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|---|
| 174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer! Will we run out of time to catch the sunset. Phooey! Yes, phooey! Now I have to wait 23 1/2 hours to get to see the moonflower bloom!
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| 173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
All this stuff had to be bagged and filed as evidence. We had a big job ahead of us: figuring out how to get in a vehicle fast enough to outrun the sun as it moved from east to west. Turns out it has to be going 1,000 miles an hour, so obviously a car was out.
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| 172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
Here comes Santa Claus!!" Much to my surprise, he was driving a golf cart outfitted with giant boom boxes. Everyone slapped their hands over their ears, and when he got close to them, they froze in shock, speechless with awe.
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| 171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
Finally! My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner??
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| 170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
That's why Master Windu got disarmed. Dang Sith. Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later. So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread!
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| 169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice.
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| 168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
It had been in my pocket for a few days at this point, so was pretty smashed and fairly dirty. But chocolate is chocolate, and I had earned it. As I licked my fingers clean, I wondered did I still need to wash them before I played Clash of Clans on my phone?
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| 167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
Fortunately, Shawn had an idea: Let's put a Slip 'n' Slide in the back yard and have fun, fun, fun! After we install in and hook up the water hose to it, all we have to do then is round the Kiwis up into one place, and nuke them.
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| 166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
I just decided not to go to the store again. I put out 2 bowls and closed the ledger with an authoritative clap." Everyone knew what that meant: the information in there was the only thing standing between them and total loss of cat fur.
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| 165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
When we asked him if he had heard the news, he said " On a day when it's rainy and stormy all day, that's the best kind of day to just relax in your favorite chair, read a book and take a nap. But be sure that the nap is not too long, because if it is too long it will make you fall asleep.
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| 164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
It was truly a monumental day. Everyone was happy. Everyone was full of good food. And everyone vowed, "I won't stop until I get my revenge on you!" It was then I finally realized as I reflected on everything that had happened, that this had truly been the best Christmas ever!
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| 163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
battery chargers... ummm... I know I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, also while we are here, I would like to have a picnic!
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| 162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite. What a strange taste, like nothing we had ever had before. And the texture was very light, like gossamer. Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end.
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| 161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
Exasperated, I loaded my shotgun. No more screwing around. Sometimes, only brute force can solve a problem. Locked and loaded, I peeked out the cat door to see what all the commotion was about....
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| 160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
Those guys in blue uniforms always know what to do! They just waltz in and crap on the floor. I've tried to explain to them that this is my floor and I'd really appreciate if they stopped crapping on it, but it's like talking to a more experienced person.
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| 159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
Even worse, deflated balloons were starting to droop into it, getting sticky, like ponderous, buoyant doughnuts glazing themselves. In planning for the Kidz Festival, it looks like we overestimated the resilience of grass.
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| 158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
the whole family had to move. So be very, very careful never to leave a trail of crumbs to your bedside! Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners. A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air.
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| 157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
So a crew of many students vigorously applied their muscle power and with great success, they snapped the toothpick in half. The table full of jocks nearby were laughing their heads off, but little did they know what was lurking behind the door of the Chemistry Lab...
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| 156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
When Mom announced she was going to go on a vacation in San Antonio, I was delighted. I knew it was just the thing for her to clean out the garage!
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| 155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
To keep warm, you can wrap up in layers of warm clothing. And don't forget to put on deodorant because you don't know who you might run into. You might even run into a zamboni! And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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| 154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
That's why I love veggie pizza! Bring on the onion, black olive (or should I say o-LOVE?), green pepper, and chopped onion, grated cheese of course, and and a whole mini jar of MUSHROOMS!
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| 153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
First we went to Cosco and loaded up on lots of wood glue, posterboard, hammers, and nuclear material. That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun! And just in time, too. Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions.
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| 152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
Do I need to attend a focus group? And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there.
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| 151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
Welcome to Engineering Country!Now proceed into the Student Center where you will be issued a tote bag full of water guns.
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| 150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
I blurbled. He looked at me like I was an idiot. he said as we sped toward the marina. When we got there, a huge fog bank rolled in, and it looked really scary, so we waited until the sun went down.
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| 149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
The beauty of the Stump Vine is in its elegant foliage and its unique bark. In fact, the bark is so smooth, yet at the same time it is also dying! That's the second stump vine to die this season.
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| 148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
Your dearest wish come true." Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist! Hahaha! Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together!
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| 147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
Now what do we do?!?!?!? Well, we decided to find the long underwear which would help me build a pink fence around my two cows so they don't wander away from my base!
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| 145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
We were greatly anticipating Bonnie's annual January visit! So besides vacuuming the whole house, we also decided to rearrange the chess pieces while she's not looking.
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| 144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
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| 143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10! I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans.
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| 142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
They're so busy this time of year, one guy has to drive two trucks! but I had another secret credit card I could use. Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box.
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| 141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too?
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| 140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit.
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| 139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin.
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| 138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
I first heard about them when they appeared as my Wiki Word of the Day.
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| 137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
I looked, up into the sky and there was shining the Blue Moon !! How peaceful and pretty. But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen! I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !!
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| 136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
Don't be surprised if you find yourself by asking hard questions, not taking anything at face value, exposing yourself to new experiences, and at every opportunity, enjoying a big bowl of homemade potato salad.
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| 135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
I received it in the mail and was unsure how to transfer all my information, so I asked Greg to smash my old phone with a hammer!
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| 134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman! He was known for being obnoxious to the nth degree. Everyone was gathering into little groups to avoid talking to him.
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| 133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
We want to make our own peanut butter in our new electric hot tub. It's great! The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling.
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| 132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
and called the cops, thinking I was about to hang a hippopotamus.
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| 131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
So, I decided to use paper liners this time, because the last time I didn't, and add any baking powder, so when I took them out of the oven, they looked like they would be delicious!
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| 129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly! So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb. Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water.
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| 128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats! But he was a big fan of just taking a nap! But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
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| 127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
It's hard to work through meal time! Using all that brain power was very draining. I could use a pepper-upper! Maybe there is something in the staff refrigerator I could sample....
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| 126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
That's why we need to get a case of Champagne. When the crowd gets here, each person will be handed a bottle and with it they will proceed to decorate the room by sprinkling it everywhere: the carpet, the tables, the chairs were all covered with cat hair!
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| 125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes. and drizzle them with Sriracha hot sauce! And habanero sauce! And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific.
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| 124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Next, take the scissors and curl the ribbon. Make sure every strand of ribbon is curled in a spiral and hangs down over the back of the tongue. "Uvula," I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle. "Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V."
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| 123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
So we went into the crawl space and lo and behold! We found a small box, sealed to be watertight! How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools.
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| 122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
"I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER." I stared quizzically at Vladimir Putin, who was in turn staring intensely at a full-size horse and licking his lips. With a glorious roar, he hefted it over his shoulders and tried to go through the front door.
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| 121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
I can see how that would help, considering I had lost my contact lenses. Down on my hands and knees searching for them I found instead two strange-looking rocks. I could tell they weren't from here, they looked like they were from another planet!! I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could!
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| 120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
"CHEESE! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!" Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance. Soon afterwards, the mead hall exploded, fat orange cheese wheels spilling through the shattered wooden walls by the score.
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| 119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
Set up a giant lemonade stand right at the end of our driveway !! Not only would we sell lemonade, but we could also sell bags of ice. You know people really need those for seeing underwater. And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit. And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts.
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| 118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
How it had gotten in there. Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game!
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| 117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
Kill it, kill it, KILL IT!!!!!" I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly! There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur.
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| 116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
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| 115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots.
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| 114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call the plumber! This is a job for a professional! Do not try to eat beans that have not been cooked long enough.. They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed. The remedy for that is to be totally relaxed, have warm socks on your feet, and be ready to tackle the quarterback!
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| 113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep. Counting sheep didn't work. Warm milk goes down like silk. But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism.
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| 112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
No wait, that's not blood, it's diarrhea. Someone must have manually opened the seal! Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust. Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami. We could see it coming it the far distance!
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| 110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
I maybe had enough to get by without doing laundry. With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me!
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| 109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house. "You look like a street walker!" I exclaimed. "You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances!
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| 108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
Straight from the can! Deee-licious! Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender.
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| 107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
The wind was whipping through our hair and we began to feel the wall for the light switch.
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| 106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
Not just any shelves, but the kind that are made of old rotten athletic shoes. I had dozens of them, piled everywhere! They smelled like rotting potatoes. It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us.
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| 105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
Every year, I tell myself I'm going to get my Christmas shopping started early, and each year I put it off until I'm frantically shopping at the last minute.
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| 103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
It scared me so badly that I screamed, " Where's my money, you silly stupid old fool?" Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
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| 102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net. Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies!
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| 101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
Believe it or not , I was going to act the part of the fool! That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra.
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| 100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
Maybe one day they'll learn to stop fighting over who got to choose the ice cream flavor.
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| 99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes." Then the doctor stood back in amazement, and with great feeling he said, "
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| 98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
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| 97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
I was so mad! I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration. Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"!
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| 96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
But they were eating all the leaves off my periwinkles. This calls for action! So I mixed up a poison solution and poured it on the fire to put it out! That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed.
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| 95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares. "Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!"
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| 94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth.
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| 93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
I want every intern to pay attention here. Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone. I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!"
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| 92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills?
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| 91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
I needed to see a doctor about that. So I took my cell phone and quickly dialed for help. I was in desperate straits! As soon as possible, I needed to go really bad! I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
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| 90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen. Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective.
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| 89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
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| 88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
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| 87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
We could see the entire auditorium from here, as well as mink coats, diamond tiaras, and fancy tuxedos trimmed with mistletoe and holly. Oh! What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
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| 86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
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| 85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go! The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor. He had already asked me for a refund.
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| 84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
He slapped a $500 dollar bill on the counter. "Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
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| 83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts! If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine. Or coconut. What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
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| 82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back. I know that will make you feel completely relaxed. So just close your eyes and whatever you do, don't think about pink elephants.
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| 81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
We landed on the dark side of the moon and off in the distance we could hear weird music, so we decided to go to light speed! What! No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
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| 80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity?
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| 79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
"You can't be serious! I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television." (laugh track) "To start with, crack these eggs, whip them up, and blend them into your stock pot.
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| 78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
What were you thinking to feed the twins stewed prunes?? You know eating prunes will always cause them to cooperate because they want to buy combat boots in order to have enough traction to navigate the poop-slimed floor. We went to Outdoor World and found 2 very dirty diapers behind the bookcase.
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| 77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic. The scintillating tones of Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven drifted with all their smokey offensive odor toward my patio! Not only were they noise polluters, they're even polluting my drainage ditch with their trash.
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| 76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area. Of course, while we're there, we'll check out the local caves. I know it will be cool in there, and who knows?
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| 75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
I'd better get out of bed and get going, or I'll be wearing my Dale Earnhardt jumpsuit. Nobody can match my collection of his memorabilia. Why I even have his name printed on my flame-retardant suit and on my car, I don't know. Couldn't we get another sponsor, one who won't make us wear these stupid ballcaps?
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| 74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have.
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| 73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
Everything else had failed...THIS was the one! and 250 lbs, could best be described as high fat, high sodium, and high sugar. Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet!
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| 72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25. But who's counting, really? Sitting in the hot sun, sipping sweet tea and making fun of the junker cars that drove up was worth at least $100.
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| 71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
Imagine seeing him again, here, after all these years! It sure is a small fire button! Let's see what happens if I push it! Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector!
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| 70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
Too bad some of them were warped from the heat in the attic. But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!"
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| 69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
I hear those things can really mess you up. But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown." Well, I didn't see what the big deal was.
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| 68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
What a mess that would be! And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry. Like Confucious say, "Cat never full." That's why you have to have a wide base, or else a strong foundation, if you're going to make it that tall.
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| 67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal. And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools!
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| 66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
Now take this toothbrush and clean the encrusted roach poop from around the doorways. What a job! I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again! Come on, we're almost finished!
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| 65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
I am your free taxi service today! But if you feel you must, you can just give me a chance! I'll be the best Space Marine you've ever seen, I promise! Now please repeat your name very slowly. Because I have short-term memory loss, you may even have to punch the button repeatedly to make it work, okay?"
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| 64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
This was my first day on the job as a new airliner pilot, and everything had to be just right. So I adjusted the seat.
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| 63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
Bring on ogres, giants, even dragons, they won't stop me! Because I'm Mr. Moneybags, and I want more of your money; so invest in my new scheme or I will promptly sign your autograph with an elaborate flourish.
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| 62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!"
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| 61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
I got it for 10 cents at the thrift store! Why would anyone want to eat eel? It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter.
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| 60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face! He stood up and gathered his belongings, which was difficult to do while holding the coffee cup. Somebody else came along and mopped up the spilled latte, and then put up a sign that said, " Coffee leads to throat cancer", but another sign said "Coffee can cure ennui!"
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| 59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
I put it there myself!" I was completely flabbergasted! I had lost my third game of shuffleboard! What to do? I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement. and chuckled nervously.
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| 58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
"Quick! To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts!
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| 57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind.
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| 56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
It's all about finding the sources of disposable cellphones. See, in the future, so many people had been using disposable cellphones that the landfills were overflowing with them and people were dying in disposable cellphone avalanches.
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| 55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
It is a liberating feeling: not having to carry a wallet. Remember how heavy those wallets and purses used to get?
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| 54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
Now all I could do was sit on the cold hard concrete floor and wait for someone to bail me out of jail.
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| 53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas!
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| 52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel?
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| 51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
i before e except after c... in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet.
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| 50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
one student asked. "I don't know, let's taste one and see. Yummy! They are still good after all these years! Give one to the director. Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it.
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| 49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
In fact, you may find that the selection of 2x4s has way too many knots in it. In which case, you should start over. As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control. So we looked at the dehumidifiers.
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| 48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
And that's when you'll need a tongue depresser and flashlight in order to look down your nose at people who weigh more than you do! God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same. Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods? Point out to me what you are choosing: to live a normal life, or to waste away like an orchid in Death Valley.
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| 47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
Once you start getting creative you can envision new shapes for rooms. For instance, how about the shape of an egg?
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| 46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
Ah, the warm feeling in my tummy! Ah, the power coming out of my legs, my arms, my fingertips. If you could see my aura, it'd be white with fire and black with death.
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| 45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
And early in the morning, all across the country, the vote counters were ready for the squads of illegal immigrants and communists to descend upon the voting booths, there to wipe down all surfaces with antibacterial scrub. It was necessary because all the candidates were secretly communists.
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| 44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
Our day started out great. Before most of us even had a chance to warm up and get going, one of the scouts was back with fantastic news. The rain of the night before had stranded several earthworms on the sidewalk! We got right to work cleaning our whiskers after eating all those fish heads.
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| 43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
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| 42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket.
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| 41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
It's American cheese that you saved to see if it would decompose!" "Oh, yeah! That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with? Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house.
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| 40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
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| 39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
We didn't know quite what to do.
So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu.
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| 38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
I screamed for help! Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!" Insane with panic, I grabbed the blue ribbon watermelon and threw it as hard as I could at the red-faced perpetrator. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that?
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| 37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
Why one of them was playing the saxophone, and the tune was " Thus Spoke Zoroaster", from "2001: A Space Odyssey".
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| 36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
I'd heard about people who were vegetarians, and the various flavors thereof, and was interested to find out more so whenever I became acquainted with one, I would ask for a cheeseburger, hold the meat!
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| 35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
Meat, eggs, cheese, even chopped veggies mixed with ranch dressing, peanut butter, honey, butter, and more peanut butter. What could beat that?!! Now to wash our hands. Let's use this Spanish-English dictionary to figure out what the heck they're saying! I have no idea how to get to the Transportation Museum.
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| 34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
I decided to take a dance class for fun and exercise. First I purchased my required leotard, tights, and the only other necessary item: a pretty pink tutu!
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| 33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
I noticed a stream of urine running down the side of the cavern wall. the Minotaur King was relieving himself right above us!" I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar.
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| 32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug!
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| 31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
We laughed and laughed; Men wearing hula skirts! It was so funny. When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams!
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| 30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
But first give me that first phone call, because I am going to call my partner. I have a joke to tell him. Did you hear the one about the two atoms walking along? Yeah, One says to the other, "I think I lost an electron!" The second one says, "Are you sure?" And the first one says, "I'm positive!"
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| 29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
Dad only made us work half-days. It didn't matter to him which twelve hours it was. Next we had to kill the hogs to make bacon and sausage. Granddaddy would put his fingers in his ears because he did not want to hear the gunshot.
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| 28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us. We quickly crawled to the police station and cried for help. It was deserted, but we found some newly laid dinosaur eggs. They were huge. Ethan wanted to make scrambled eggs with them, but Xander yelled "NO!
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| 27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
More poisonous than a brown recluse, in fact! They're so poisonous, that instead of killing a person when the person eats it, this carnivorous plant, averaging 50 feet high, EATS PEOPLE!
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| 26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
You know, just like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home." That's when I know it's time to turn around and head for home. You know, just like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home." And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg...
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| 25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
She worked quickly to mix up the scones for the Scottish bakerycafe. The dining room was filling up fast, and when she looked in the refrigerator she was dismayed to find they had run out of air tanks. "Oh, I guess we can't go diving for oysters after all!
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| 24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
Paris was never known for good manners. All the Parisians are very aloof, treating anyone with a different accent as scum.
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| 23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
exclaimed Bonnie. "But you don't have enough money to pay for that Spiderman suit and mask. Look in your other pockets and see if you can find any more Barbie dolls for Haley so she can play dolls with her sister and also with her cousin, Ethan."
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| 22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
You are a sissy! You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison.
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| 21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
Why one day in the mess hall, we had a terrible food fight when everyone was throwing fits about the insufficient supplies. "How do they expect us to eat this mess?!
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| 20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
I went up to get a soda refill, but this guy was something else! I'd never seen anyone look so angry! We were all so scared we could do nothing but stand in shocked silence, hoping he would calm down.
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| 19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
"All these books must be at least a hundred years old!" I whispered. a voice rasped.
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| 18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
Martin! Do you have any CHEESE?!! We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread.
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| 17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
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| 16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach.
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| 14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China. "Why does everything have to be ethnic? What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library?
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| 13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
Bonnie immediately began stuffing more explosives into the fireplace and said "I feel less stressed already! Your technique is agitating me. Stop making faces at me. Stop squirting a water gun in my face. YOu're an idiot.
Let me out of here!
I want to go get a massage now.
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| 12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil! "You'd better be careful or that might fall in in big vat of boiling hot french fry grease. It was popping out, splattering the wall and dripping down the side of his face and landing on the countertop with a "splat".
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| 11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
Boy, were they needing some more M&M's on top. And melted marshmallows. And chocolate sprinkles on top of that.
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| 10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
But what's that sound? It was his arch-enemy approaching! Oh No! Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
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| 8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
Batman. Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet.
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| 7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
In fact... exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion. Because of the low gravity, the buildings were very tall, so tall, in fact, that they were able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
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| 5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
Their living quarters were made out of popscicle sticks, painstakingly glued together, then painted with multicolor butterflies swarmed through his brain. he exclaimed. "I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!"
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| 4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent. the driver exclaimed as he leaped out.
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| 3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
On some he saw expectation, on others he saw apprehension. But on one particular face he saw himself! The similarity was remarkable! The eyes, the nose, even the way he parted his hair.
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| 2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
Rubbing her sore shoulder, she asked the nearest patron "What does a girl have to do to get some service around here?!" Her manner frightened the man somewhat, so he stammered Woo Baby, I just wet my pants! Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy.
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| 1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
When he opened the cabinet, Lo, and behold, he found his missing bottle of pills.
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