Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Until then, well, who knows? I am sure we will be able to find a place to eat, but will any place be open at this time of night??
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
You Yanks across the pond call them "cookies". But that's fine; ain't no thing but a chicken wing. So we can just go ahead and fry the hamburgers right over this nice fire. They will taste delicious, so go get the tomatoes, lettuce, onion, pickles, and jar of eyeballs.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
There was even food for the animals! Suet for the birds, hay for the deer, and for the squirrels, there was no end of torment. Cats, speeding cars, rogue birds...the squirrels fought to survive every day, and had done so for centuries.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
For some reason, security had been increased overnight by a factor of 10. Once we entered the most secure part of the facility, it became clear what had everyone on edge: There was a large hidden aquarium covered with heavy drapes.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
No one invited you to this quilting meeting. Scram." The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
There used to be an old Sears & Roebuck Catalog to use for wiping but we had advanced to real rolling toilet paper...Yay! Sitting there on the two-holed set was very relaxing and in the distance we could hear the rumbling of thousands of troll feet as they stampede toward us.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
I haven't had any for hours and I'm starting to go into withdrawal! I need at least a dozen hot meat pies and lots of layers to survive a cold night such as this.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
1 star! It got caught on everything! it even got stuck on logistics. Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
It's so soothing to listen to the thunder rolling while reading a book about the Oregon Trail. It took 5 grueling months to go from St. Louis to their destination. And when they got there they found lots of fancy chocolate truffles." True to his word, he pulled a variety of gourmet chocolates from his pocket and unwrapped one, eating it in a single bite.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
The jig was up, mate! We confronted him with rolls of ribbon, sheaths of tissue paper, and a carton of ribbons. If you don't have your ribbons neatly wrapped on spools, at least don't rest anything heavy on them to crush them. In advance of your gift-wrapping day, make a list of who gave what so I could send them a thank you note.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
This was the moment of truth. This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields? I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
And so, when we got back home, having experienced so much and learned so many lessons, we knew we would be facing life with more boldness from then on. Thankfully, Greg had saved a ton of money by switching to GEICO!
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It must be like that old saying, "out of sight, out of Tums! Just thinking about that garage is tying my gut in knots!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs?? But this is an important decision, so I'll keep thinking. There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass. Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid! so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass. I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!"
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
"They're designed to be mousetraps, and are cute and fuzzy too." I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical. It bridged the gap between this world and the others, and beyond it were visible incomprehensible wonders and horrors alike.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
I hadn't even considered bringing bug spray. Well, like they say, when life hands you lemons, discard the lemons; make bacon. So I picked up the tick and carried it to the entomology lab for analysis. There, I was greeted by a flock of trained roadrunners!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
With great flourish, we took the bowls and put them under the dogs' noses and they went to town! In one minute flat, everything was gone and we could not find even a whiff of cilantro in the whole place! "What kind of restaurant is this?!"
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
We just need to pay more attention to the-- Sometimes I get bored of using the same pizza toppings every time. That's why I love veggie pizza! Bring on the onion, black olive (or should I say o-LOVE?), green pepper, and chopped onion, grated cheese of course, and and a whole mini jar of MUSHROOMS!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all. Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Using ribbon and shrink wrap, I wrapped up all the junk I had found into neat little parcels and then advertised them on Ebay as "Mystery Gifts". I was shocked by how many people showed up to take the Enthusiasm Class. We had chairs for most of them, but the rest had to sit on the floor.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Just to get some peace to study, Xander decided to make some ear plugs. But all he could find to make them with was paper mache'.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Smashing chairs, flipping over tables, drinking liquor after drinking beer, queuing up Taylor Swift songs on the jukebox, it was complete bedlam.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I sat down with my neighbor Jed to shoot the breeze and chew tobacky, and I told him that people around here would know what he's talking about.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
You know those men in your house don't want to wear pink underwear when I had to go to the locker room at the gym! I was so irritated because the water would not go out of the washer! Was I going to have to dip it out by hand? The only container I could find was a big plastic laundry basket.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
The last time they did that, they got incinerated by the laser turrets on Greg's base!! He's such a meanie! He's a gigantic snowman reclining in a lawn chair. Is that cool or not? Glo-Quips sent a photographer and when he came by, he shoveled the sidewalk in front of their french doors, even though everybody knows they never salt the roads anymore because the salt rusts out the undercarriage of the metal railing.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Everyone loved the red and yellow ones. Maybe it was because their kitchens were so well-organized.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list. Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Click clack click clack. The sound was like a cash register that would not stop....I had blown my budget big time and now I for sure must make a decision. But that's so difficult to do when your eyes are so blurry after cataract surgery!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I bet you can figure how that turned out. That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile. I told him I could compost those yard clippings, but he said "
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from. They were holding handkerchiefs over their noses and were mumbling, "
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard. he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Worth every penny! Not only was it useful for safely snagging escaped animals, you could also use it for compost. And when Spring comes, gently layer it around the exposed dirt. The next thing to do is to take some string and weave a hanging basket.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood. When I looked into the tub a few minutes later, much to my amazement I saw the tomato vine growing taller & taller right before my eyes!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles. I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Hey heeeeyyyyy sounds like someone is trying to be cool, but no one is cooler than the real Fonz.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Then I added multi-colored sprinkles and a few well-placed dabs of icing. Decorating is the part that's the most fun. Be creative!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
After I walked through the metal detector, I heard someone say, " Mind The Gap!" His authoritative tone irked me, so I took particular care in minding who was sitting next to me.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Using all that brain power was very draining. I could use a pepper-upper! Maybe there is something in the staff refrigerator I could sample.... Sure enough...I opened the door and found a cup of Whoop-Ass!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
They were cheap, but smelled like peppermint cocoa....yum !! I could drink a giant mug of that! And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Good for you! Keep up the good work! You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
"Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V." I looked around for help, and there, just out of reach, was just what I needed: more Scotch tape! I looked in the different drawers to find some and in my search I found ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Skeptically, I lifted up tile after tile from the floor and underneath I saw a great deal of cat hair, all matted together into a gluey fabric reminiscent of the feeling you get while watching episodes of "This Old House." There's just that nagging feeling that all the sewage is seeping into the ground under the house.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet! Some people think they are dead! But they're just acting. They're just lying there waiting to be strung from shrub to shrub.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars. So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less! In a situation like that, nobody but nobody wants their oxygen tank to run out!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!!
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Maybe I better flick this switch to "off". Then switch it back to "on". Then I started flicking it back and forth rapidly, making the lights in the room flash like a cheap rave.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
The lady said, "That'll be $700!" He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home. sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Ted's day started out innocently enough, with his usual morning routine, but then, during his normally uneventful commute to work, a horde of zombies rushed toward his car! There must have been hundreds of them! They were everywhere! They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Hut one, hut two, there he goes! Quick!! Get on him, before he prepared the meal. Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Any second now I expected a giant squid to lunge forward and puke his guts out onto the floor.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me! Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
But what if it's important? What if we ran out of food?!! Would any stores be open? I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!" Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Deee-licious! Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender. Ooops! I forgot to put on the lid! All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Not just any shelves, but the kind that are made of old rotten athletic shoes. I had dozens of them, piled everywhere!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Actually, I searched and searched for a good parking place and finally had to resort to getting a handful of gift cards at Wawa. Unimaginative yes, but quick and simple. But, while I was there, I decided to go ahead and order dessert. oh, you know. You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
We shouldn't need a snow shovel to clear this space, but it sure would be terrible if the vacuum were set on blow! Then out of nowhere we saw The Fly Lady!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face. It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate. Utterly freaked out, he slammed on the brakes just in time to avoid hitting the big brown and white brownie sundae with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Maybe one day they'll learn to stop fighting over who got to choose the ice cream flavor.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions." Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence. Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! What a revolting development! And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery. But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I was way too busy to mess with them. that every day I need to load Oblivion and do some more killin'. More killin' means more XP and loot, which I'll need in order to keep the cats off the floor I built a neat wooden dining table complete with a covering of Chee-tohs dust.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth. he said as he pulled over, he took a big drink of Red Bull, burped, and he loudly exclaimed, "
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He hoped the surgeon was handy with the needle, so when he was finished everything would look like something out of horror movie. Bubbling vials, Jacobs Ladders, and incomprehensible surgical tools everywhere added to the effect.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood. If you mispronounce something you could really offend somebody by saying something you didn't intend.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
He shouted, " You're no match for our shoulder-mounted quantum rocket launchers!"
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
I was thinking Goldman and Sachs. I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
This made me feel very much like an Ugly American. I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Why did you go and leave us alone? We searched the mall index to find a good place to eat, and we found the intriguing listing of "The 12 days of diarrhea.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Who knows? I might be spotted by the next agency of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy. I stepped through the door and fell through a hole in the floor! I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
HA! Now take this CD and put it where the sun don't shine - cuz you're never gonna pass this course anyway. The one thing I learned from this was touch-typing on a split keyboard is really cool. You cannot leave the classroom until you have erased all your data, then you get to start all over!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
"Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Next, I got the calendar and drew pictures of poop on every single day. You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs! That's the only explanation for why we were stupid enough to move into this neighborhood.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight. I opened the window to breathe some fresh air, but all I could smell was bacon and coffee.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs. There is no A/C in a race car, and it gets pretty darn hot in the cabin. The vest, of course, is for protection. That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
What! It's a mirage! It's actually a water-saving toilet, and it cost much more than I could afford. In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar. The foil pinwheel toy cost a dollar.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Every time I see them my appetite goes through the roof! I could eat them all day, breakfast lunch and dinner. That's why I always go to the salad bar. Then I can pick out veggies that have the lowest number of meals per day.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Dawn was breaking. Soon the hordes would be here. I was a little nervous, because this was my very first yard sale. I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale. So when we advertised it, we exaggerated a little bit to get more people to show up.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Imagine seeing him again, here, after all these years! It sure is a small fire button! Let's see what happens if I push it! Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said! Well, after hearing that, I was ready to sharpen all my pencils, and I discovered I need to go buy a new pocketsize spiral notebook and a black power cable.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
Why, just the other day I thought I felt a lump there, so it's a relief to find out that the rash would only last for a few more weeks and would clear up once I started eating more liver and spinach, as prescribed by the doctor.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months. So, to those of you who choose to take on the challenge of putting up wallpaper - my advice to you is avoid putting a lot of holes in the wall, because that will only cause discoloration later.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
All their cute little night lights will always be upside down--cackle cackle.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
I open the supply cabinet and what do I find? whoa, a flashback to me graduation party. I better get my head on straight because I have to be able to see out the cockpit window. Just give me a second.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
For example, while having fries at the fast food restaurant, I might lean over to my friend and share this insight about myself: "I'm not in it for the fries, I'm in it for the KETCHUP!" Or while ordering a big ice cream sundae, someone might conspiratorially inform the person making it, "I'm not in it for the ice cream, I'm in it for the fame!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Because people will notice and say "He's all about style! How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Then she asked for some lemon for her tea! Incredulous, I asked her, with sarcasm, " You want fries with that?" She gave me such an evil look, that I really wanted to give her a chance to make better hot chocolate than the swill she had been serving. I told her, "You have to SMILE at the customer!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I had lost my third game of shuffleboard! What to do? I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
My face was reddening by the second. Before much longer I would surely be able to flush it all down with this high-flow toilet!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks? It cannot be possible! Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time?
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Remember how heavy those wallets and purses used to get? Sometimes they seemed to weigh as much as bowling balls! Even though he was a very strong man, he wasn't strong enough to defeat Herr Kapitan in hand-to-hand combat. As a result, he was disgraced--and grievously wounded. After he recovered from his coma he discovered he had a new ability: he had heightened awareness of a person's inclinations-- good or evil.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It was just too hot. So I always made sure to provide plenty of suntan lotion when we go to the beach every Saturday. We get there by 9am, but have to leave before the sun starts to shine again. Blistering hot rays beating down upon us, we began to feel dizzy, so someone suggested we should go sit down in the shade.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
How weary I felt! It was as if I had no limit on my credit cards! I just kept buying and buying!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
What a tragedy. But the show must go on. The rest of you: Take a number and get in line.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
They are still good after all these years! Give one to the director. Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Eat quickly, and that saltine cracker will be gone before you know it. Now you may eat one Goldfish cracker. Next, eat some ice cream. This should remind you of the pleasure of eating.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people. On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Death was the order of the day (I suppose you could call a hamburger and french fries that!) Anyway who cares?
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Where is your voting card? And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are. Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind."
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Our day started out great. Before most of us even had a chance to warm up and get going, one of the scouts was back with fantastic news.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
It was like a river of foamy green beer. he explained jovially. We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold. There wasn't much time to waste. They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry? He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed. "We can't go this way because the Hulk has smashed it to smithereens. Maybe we could--whoa!" Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I'm telling you, you've got to try this onion dip. It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Hurricane Bonnie had wiped out all of the office staff. Without meeting the deadlines on the paperwork, dozens of suspects would go free! Frantically, the police captain called a temp agency.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Spicy is good! Good for the immune system! Good for your mood! It's even good for fryin' up that armadillo you done run right over with your dang ol' truck. We scraped it up off the road, and put it in a tortilla! Everything tastes good in a tortilla! Meat, eggs, cheese, even chopped veggies mixed with ranch dressing, peanut butter, honey, butter, and more peanut butter.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
That soft cartilage is so sensitive, so easy to bleed, so tender and kind. I felt much better about the whole situation now that the lands no longer lived under the tyrannical ravages of the Minotaur King, the people would be free to laugh out loud, sleep in on weekends, and eat dessert at any time of day!
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I tried it out too. While I was whirling it around my waist, I started to feel nostalgia for the carefree days of my youth, once so far away, but now closer for seeing the whole collection of Scooby Doos all in one place was amazing!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
This was strange pizza though; it had slices of boiled egg on it. And spread over the top were bits of shredded lettuce. Yum! "This will hit the spot! This is good for an appetizer. What's the main course?" I am sorry to say the natives are offering us sauteed monkey brains.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Hmmm. And I probably should wear my gun. I'm nervous about this, you know.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away! "I told you you should have repaired that hen house!"
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
They were huge. Ethan wanted to make scrambled eggs with them, but Xander yelled "NO!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
I'm your host, Betty! Today we're going to look at these ivys. We have English, Boston, variegated; why we even have poison oak and poison ivy!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud. That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang. Bonnie put on her leather jacket and her leather gloves; also her leather helmut, but around her neck she carefully wound a psychedelic silk parachute, which she used to land at Daytona Beach in the middle of about 100 bikers, with great fanfare.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Molly was almost 7 feet tall and weighed 260 lbs. Her hair was blonde and braided into long pigtails which were wrapped around her bulging arms. Muscles rippled under the skin with even the slightest movement.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
We knew we were going to see lots of interesting sights, but we sure weren't expecting that! I kicked the dude in the nuts as hard as I could. "How dare you expose yourself like that in front of her!"
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
"We must find them! Look the back door is open! Help me Ethan! Let's see if the robbers are still in the parking lot." We dashed out and found them sitting in a puddle of urine. They didn't get to the bathroom in time!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
The fact is I cannot believe Bonnie started this story! But be that as it may, I will help continue it: And the second fact is that when I was growing up we did not call them farts.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something. Here, rinse it off with this sprayer. NOT AT ME! Aim it that way!" Quickly, I retrieved the wiggling hose and finished cleaning up.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I couldn't believe it. All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!" I whispered. a voice rasped. I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
But the mice hate it. The mice also hate it when their fur is rubbed the wrong way. Fortunately for them few creatures including humans ever get the chance to do this. Only one person is the exception to this rule, and that person would be Mr. Martin, the postman.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
"That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going."
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I come prepared for anything! Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!"
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Hide under the trees!" I shouted. "Stay still and don't move a muscle. The sniper has a laser scope focused right on your forehead." I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
"Oh, no!" My friends said, "Quickly, turn off the electricity before she's fried!" I lunged for the power switch, but just then there was a loud explosion outside the meditation room!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Who in the world let that happen?! The early morning drive-thru lane was already backing up. Should we use the meat anyway, or should we ask the customers to leave and go somewhere that doesn't suck? Then I had an idea: I sat down next to a customer and smiled.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Parsley isn't given nearly enough press for its natural, chemical-free breath-freshening qualities.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
"How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!"
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Now, I also want all your money. I mean ALL of it. Hand it over or I will give you a million dollars in exchange for leaving the country and never mentioning this again!" Extending his hand, Greg expected a benefits package which includes prescription and dental.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Sam said, The gravity is very different here, so don't be doing any jumping. You might just head out into space! However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Lady Man was known through the olde towne as a ravishing womanizer, and had gotten in trouble with one too many gladiators who had come from Rome to the countryside of England to train.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft. However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car. What they wanted to charge us was absolutely ridiculous. "I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you? You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans. She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket. So when she walked into the coffee shop, she immediately put down her heavy backpack.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Everyone was so inspired by his shameless act of pariotism, they stood up and applauded with great gusto, knowing full well that as soon as they sat back down, they would know that this was the end of the world as they knew it. The sky turned white with all the exhaust plumes from the nuclear-armed missiles, and soon they found the hidden treasure!