Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Woofles and Pooched Egg'! what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself. Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time?
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Time for a change of clothes: work boots, old jeans, and that t-shirt with a hole in it will be the perfect outfit for attending the funeral. The key is to look sharp because that's respectful, but not so sharp that you draw attention to yourself.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
! But just as I was ready to give up, around the corner came Santa Claus! He had an entourage of elves all singing "Here comes Santa Claus!
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
They make good broth. Once you're sure you have them all, put them in your mouth. Let's quit beating around the bush here, we're all hungry.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
water balloons from the dollar store, $128.45 for costumes from "Who Do You Wanna Be?" $59.90 for scratch -n- sniff masks and rubber lizards from "Fun & Games That Are Cool Not Lame". The life-sized poster of an anteater, and so on, until the last entry, $431.18 for a total new sewer system, new pipes, and 2 new commodes.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
This was it, the invasion had begun. Fresh-faced cadets leapt into gun emplacements and cockpits, scarcely believing they were actually going to see combat. Even worse, this an enemy they had never seen before; they swarmed over the horizon, rising to block the sun, the chattering of their thousands of quadcopter blades unmistakable even though they were still miles away.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
First I get a shower then wipe down the cats, and as for VoilaLeiya...
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
I barely got 30 pages into Atlas Shrugged." He then went back to playing his video game, and I was left to my own devices as far as getting the electricity going again in the house.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
If you don't have your ribbons neatly wrapped on spools, at least don't rest anything heavy on them to crush them.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
This was the moment of truth. This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields? I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I bought a whole bunch of ropes at Ace Hardware and carefully wove them into a really strong basket we could use to swing ourselves across the chasm.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it. It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
After all I don't want hands that look like a pair of sunglasses! How fun! And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
There's nothing more enjoyable than seeing all the full, healthy, verdant growth of summer. Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby. Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then!
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
In his pathways, for him can you ever place a trap? Of course not! But we must be reasonable. Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
That sounded good, but I had to wonder if there would be enough butter pecan ice cream to go around. I mean there were a lot of people here, and it looked as if every single one of them had brought their A-game. They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
She then pounded the table for emphasis, causing all the stray animals to congregate in Bonnie's back yard. What to feed them??? I know! We can give them bowls of scorpions! We scooped them up during our daily desert hike.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
To keep warm, you can wrap up in layers of warm clothing. And don't forget to put on deodorant because you don't know who you might run into. You might even run into a zamboni!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
How pretty! Now I will take a snapshot with my new neighbors.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun! And just in time, too.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say," WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO! WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?!" This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm."
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Xander didn't care since he had a trick to combat the roaches and mice that had invaded the dorm. Just put in the corners of every room little bowls of microwave popcorn.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, " Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps. The result is a very useful mulch.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again! Everything is washed, dried, and hung on hangers!Woohoo !
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
I tried that ONE time, and it was getting deeper and deeper! Would we be even able to get out of the house?? We went to look for the snow shovel, but instead found the manhole cover that had been lost for two months! "This is fantastic!" I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
So besides vacuuming the whole house, we also decided to rearrange the chess pieces while she's not looking.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity. Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist. Now what?! I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!" The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while. Soon, you will feel focused and relaxed and ready to go out the front door to my new life!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Yes I decided to do it: every night I would get out a different catalog, open up the turned-down pages, and proceed to checkout when you're finished.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
And that is what we advertise at our little roadside stand. We positioned it right at the end of a row of green beans.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit. Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
He slowly inched through the pasture field dodging cow pies and carefully watching out for the hot-tempered bull, which was hiding behind a clump of weeds. The General abruptly stiffened with alertness.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !! I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Now where is that whipped cream and those sugared syrupy pasta dishes, which are only appropriate for Christmastime! You need to remember: it's candy, candy canes, candy corns, and the last of the four main food groups: I cannot even remember because they keep changing the pyramid.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
For that, you probably want to consider buying a 15,000 amp generator. Who knows when another hurricane will come through or maybe an ice storm? Because if that happened we would all have to go back to writing cards and letters. How different that was! We had to wait days or weeks for an answer!
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Panicking, I slept. Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas ! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
They then proceeded to knock over all my pink flamingoes in protest and put arsenic in the birdbath.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Everything is so cold, so frozen, so depressing! I need to travel to a warm clime, and bask in the humid warmth of the American South. Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
A new job! How exciting! Getting hired is one of the biggest energy boosts ever! They say the most important thing to consider when deciding to accept a new job is whether or not to include your brief stint as a soldier of fortune.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
We are expecting at least 10,000 pounds of bacon being consumed at the synagogue open house. That's why we need to get a case of Champagne.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
"Uvula," I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle. "Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V." I looked around for help, and there, just out of reach, was just what I needed: more Scotch tape!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power! It's okay to rent those because they disinfect them with a substance called Liquid Nails which I bought online from a company named Tethys, after the Titaness of fresh water."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
Now what?!! I called 911 and guess who answered! = Some guy in an elf costume! "HaHa! That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet! Some people think they are dead!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
It drew me in...into a world that I could hardly imagine! Finally I had to say Good night to my Chat buddies, and in unison they all said to me, "
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
"CHEESE! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!" Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance. Soon afterwards, the mead hall exploded, fat orange cheese wheels spilling through the shattered wooden walls by the score.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom. My wife insisted I was being paranoid, but I had to be absolutely certain that the air conditioner would never break down again.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Then she thought to herself: "I sure do hope there aren't eggs in that cave over there." And with that, the screen went blank!!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I was appalled and could not watch a minute more; in fact, I just stood up and shouted, " Kill it, kill it, KILL IT!!!!!" I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly! There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
The heat that radiated from their cavernous maws surged over us like a hurricane of pain. We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure. Nearby there was a lurking police car. People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight. You know it's the little things in life that really matter, so go ahead and get an associate's degree in plumbing.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
So now if you have peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, or peas porridge in the pot nine days old, you can be assured it will be well-stirred even if you're not around. It only takes a spark to get a fire going so they could have a giant Humpty-Dumpty omlette! HAHAHA!!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
They were scarfing them down by the bowlful. Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
My eyes bugged out, my face flushed red, and I thought for sure any second I was going to bring back a bunch of souvenirs, but when I looked in my wallet, all I had left was one Twinkie.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
"How much for a deep fat fryer big enough for a turkey?? We don't have time to cook it in the oven!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
It's not chopped beef, it's chopped steak! So don't ruin it with plain ol' ketchup. Slather it with A1 Steak Sauce! Then you will probably start to feel hungry enough to make yourself a big bowl of hot shut the hell up.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded. I then went inside the Quicky-Mart and got some Pepsi, beef jerky, Andy Capps hot fries, and some curly ribbon fell behind the couch and got tangled with the golden tresses of Rapunzel, which she had cast out her tower window after he unwrapped the last present he put all the bows and wrapping paper into a large roomy cabin near the front of the plane.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
You never know what you might find under all those boxes." In fact, down on the floor in the far corner, I found a reason to live again!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way." "NO WAY!" I retorted.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
That dern zombie took a chunk out of my arm and I can barely keep my eyelids open! The reason must be that I ate too much brains! I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way. So I added a whole line of new models of subcompacts.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
We shouldn't need a snow shovel to clear this space, but it sure would be terrible if the vacuum were set on blow! Then out of nowhere we saw The Fly Lady!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Our story begins on a windy and cool, but bright, February day.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!"
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Your insurance will not cover this! Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly. Better than perfect, in fact!" The doctor beamed and said "Your vision is 20 over 200 and you are definitely a candidate for surgery.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence. Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! What a revolting development!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Because it's Bob Vila: The Game. If you get enough points you can upgrade to a laser level, which lets you upgrade your hero another level without having to restart the level every time you died.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
I then tried to decide what fertilizer to use. I had to choose between organic compost or that big bag of hot air, Joe Blow or Joe Schmoe or whatever his name is.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink! I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice. It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Anyway I arrived and after mapping out my routes, I decided to stop at a truck stop and pick a fight.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
"I hope you have a good insurance policy, because you are SURELY going to need it!" This bold statement caused a huge increase in his medical malpractice insurance premiums.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I dunked them in a thing of tartar sauce, then demanded some pieces of carbon paper to make some old-fashioned copies of himself from the cloning machine!! There were 100 accountants, all identical!! They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
So I took my cell phone and quickly dialed for help. I was in desperate straits! As soon as possible, I needed to go really bad! I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen. Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
I could hear the sound of sleigh bells coming from the roof! Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus???
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
In moments like these, I'm sure glad I use Dial. Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I will be bold and ask him," Where is the bathroom? Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Cool weather, piles of leaves, hay rides and finding the perfect pumpkin! What could be better? Our annual trek to the pumpkin patch had finally arrived and I was going to check out the gift shop.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home. "Hey! she whispered quickly.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end. And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That reminded me of when we went camping and we pitched the tent on the side of a hill: When it rained we started sliding down the hill and we landed in a cow patty. Squish. We immediately had a flat tire! And I know it was because we ran over a speed bump that was so big, the front end of the car shot into the air!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
It's a terrible thing to lose your train of thought in such an intense environment! You have to be able to think on your feet! Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
And it was beeping! Actually it sounded like a pretty good idea. So I went ahead and drank my own urine, since that was the only way to survive.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
But there's one thing that would better than that, and that's when you'll start to notice the fat just melting off!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Dawn was breaking. Soon the hordes would be here. I was a little nervous, because this was my very first yard sale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
That means we will have to try to land at the closest airport we can find! Don't be alarmed at a change in plans, just make your face like flint, give it full throttle and close your eyes!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!" Too bad some of them were warped from the heat in the attic.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!! If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding! I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal. And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools! They wear out or break even before you've finished one project! It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Just a few more nails into the roof shingles and we will be sure to use the right tool this time. As we've found out, it's well worth the expense in order to avoid the old nests of mice and rats between the walls, we decided to install a urinal in every bathroom!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door. You make us feel inadequate and incompetent.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Yeee-haw! As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning".
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
And as the crowd watched breathlessly, she flicked her hair back, licked the lipstick off her teeth and proceeded to raise her middle finger for all to see and said, "If it weren't for me, I wouldn't be where I am today."
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I looked around before answering, noticing some men standing outside the window. Frightfully stern in their trenchcoats and black sunglasses, they appeared to be staring at those bits of broccoli stuck in his teeth....How gross!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
"I can tell you suffer from it." she squealed, with wide eyes, "I just knew something wasn't right with me lately!" She was amazed, and relieved to know that her laxative would start working any minute now. She smiled and said "Don't use that cream for your coffee, because I think it is time to switch to decaf!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Scraping them off was out of the question, so the best thing we could think to do was pry them off with a crowbar, clean them up and stew them.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Valentine's Day party. And I'm all for a healthy diet, but don't you think you're taking it a little far?" She just couldn't understand why anyone would resolve not to exercise.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
has to step in and crush the resistance which happened to be the shotgun-toting tomato, Bob. It's Veggie Tales: Garden Guerillas. In the first episode, Ren and Stimpy challenged Mr. T to a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish. There was utter pandemonium until Mr.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut! That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
How did I get here? It's so hot and the heat makes me feel like dancing! It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas. How lilting was the music. It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink. Fanning myself and perspiring, I went inside to cool off.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
"Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas! The salesman crooned.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
When you fill in your applications, please include your criminal history, if applicable. That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel?
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Yuk! I would rather have a deadly attack robot! It would have to be at least 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide. And that is hard to find. To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Who's up for some Mickie D's?" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?" And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?"
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again! Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect?
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are. Then you'll look normal! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
It was beautiful! Shining through from underneath were rows and rows of seats for the home theater.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Running as fast as he could, he yelled over his shoulder, "I've had enough of this!" Even louder, he screamed, " GET LOSE!!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours. At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry. So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards. banner. It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Feathers were flying everywhere. Tiny blood spatters covered his face with his hands, as he heard the prison warden approaching.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Disgusted and demoralized, I bent to clean it up. The broken nose was so out of joint that breathing was difficult. Something had to be done! The doctor quickly cleaned the nostrils and inserted a peanut-butter sandwich into the VCR.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
All I need to know is are there any dead rats in here?! I sure don't want to be the one to find them! To look into those far corners, I think I will ask Mr. John-John, my special friend, what I should do...wait. He's imaginary, I keep forgetting! I'm cracking up! I need to stop and take a break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock. People across the street turned to look and gasped because streams of green sludge were rushing down the gutters and into the subway tunnel.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
The voice of the people will not be ignored! A bundle of sticks is not easily glued together to make a log cabin for a school project. In fact, to collect all the sticks needed, the teachers and parents had to come to some sort of agreement.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Moments later, they arrived at 10:55 with barely enough time to clip on their microphones and get in front of the camera.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Oooh! But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
You have home-made napalm. I love the smell of cedar. You can just sit in the shade of the trees and enjoy the breeze and listen to the crunching of the tacos, the sloshing of the margaritas, and the sizzling of the fajitas.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Then, the dancers to the sides move toward the center, and the dancers in the center move you must do a somersault, ending in a backflip, and still have enough energy left to do four running leaps diagonally across the dance floor. That takes stamina, strength, and a classy outfit that fits like a second skin and doesn't clash with your natural colors.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I felt much better about the whole situation now that the lands no longer lived under the tyrannical ravages of the Minotaur King, the people would be free to laugh out loud, sleep in on weekends, and eat dessert at any time of day!
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder. "The next one will." With that, he picked up a huge axe and smashed it into the table! "You overcharged me for that GI Joe figure! Now, YOU'RE gonna pay!" I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater. We will swim to that shark cage, get in, lock the gate, and wait anxiously for nightfall. I'm exhausted!" Trying to keep up with Lance Armstrong is just impossible!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Please note how cooperative I'm being. Ask me anything. Because I'll have an answer for you. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it'll be too bad if we don't get these filthy jail cells cleaned out.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
What a mess they make! Well, here's another bucket of swill for them...Splash! And I think I will also add some corn to the pig's food.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
as if they were fleeing from something. That's when we heard it: birdlike calls, a sound like distant rumbling thunder, and the snapping, cracking sound of large trees falling.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
This is the good stuff! Now take it and smoosh it together with your hands. It's okay. Getting dirty is half the fun. The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden. There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg... That's when I know it's time to turn around and head for home.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
She easily picked up the noodles, and then deftly she reached into the bowl and she picked up a hockey stick and skated out onto the ice. "There's nothing like knocking the puck around in the light of the midnight sun!" She laughed.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
All the Parisians are very aloof, treating anyone with a different accent as scum. For example, when I offered a little old lady my seat on a bus, she exclaimed, " Where's that music coming from?
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
Let's see if the robbers are still in the parking lot." We dashed out and found them sitting in a puddle of urine. They didn't get to the bathroom in time!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
So we took the flowers and stuck our noses in them in order to hide the poopy smell that was all around us. It worked at first but not for long.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Hey, let's ask the sargeant if we can get pizza delivered! I want extra cheese on mine. What would you want on yours?" "A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!"
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something. Here, rinse it off with this sprayer. NOT AT ME!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
He belched a monstrous cloud of lethal chlorine gas, and all the oxygen supply was quickly being depleted. What to do?!! Here, take this axe and knock a hole in the floor. Lying down, I could see into a dark basement room. Grates in the walls below admitted narrow beams of sunlight.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
One can never be too careful. For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
We packed our van the night before and started off early in the morning for the mountains. Our first stop would be the underground caverns where day and night dripped tiny streams and droplets of molten lead from the exploding metal refinery across the way.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I exclaimed. "How can you think about food at a time like this? Do you realize our first priority is AIR?" "Women!" He thought to himself, " They are so scared of their shadows! Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE!
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library? With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume? That'll liven things up around here!" Alas, every book in the entire library was checked out.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
I think you need to sit in this massage chair and just relax. Here, I will turn on some soft music. by Wagner, done entirely with a quartet of kazoos? screamed Bonnie, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MEDITATE WHEN YOU KEEP TALKING TO ME???!!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
That keeps them crispy, all the better to accent the main entree. You will also come to realize the customer wants a dozen whoppers, a dozen fries, and a dozen Dr.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
But they were cold, fresh out of the frig. Being in a hurry, she held them to her belly in order to warm their little wet bodies. Poor little things, all soaked and cold, she then took them one by one and gently rubbed them with a towel.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Would you choose blue chip stocks or penny stocks? Whatever you choose you must be willing to keep what you buy for at least a decade.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
The ship contorted in bizarre, unthinkable ways as the universe collapsed around them. Moments later, all hell broke loose when they drifted into ans asteroid belt. Being slammed from all sides, they quickly tried to vent the waste container into space, before it exploded and spewed human refuse all over the cabin.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other. "So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
The first case was Wal-mart vs. Lord Elsington. Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop. Then you do it again with a bigger stick. You continue this until you're an ultimate ninja, and we will all thumb our noses at you, because your strength will be like a river, rushing along pell mell with not a backward glance, gleefully heading for a sure collision with that wall!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
"Woo baby!" Greg exclaimed as the speedometer passed 120. His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away. Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping.