Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
And small wonder, too. Even the cars had turned yellow from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Time for a change of clothes: work boots, old jeans, and that t-shirt with a hole in it will be the perfect outfit for attending the funeral.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
I pulled out one of my several protest signs and started swinging it like a battle axe. The nearest bystander had to duck, to avoid being hit by a flying chocolate cream pie which had been lovingly prepared by Gordon Ramsay, who proceeded to blow his top and go on a profanity-filled tirade when he saw one of the customers use a dessert spoon when he was supposed to use a soup spoon.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
we were getting so dizzy, and as a last resort we tried crawling on our hands and knees. That took quite some time, but fortunately, they at least had an overstock of those little peanut snack bags to hand out to everyone. By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it. We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
No one invited you to this quilting meeting. Scram." The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars. It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Proper trolling has as many spectators as possible, to maximimize the trollification.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Now we just needed to get it started, but none of us had a lighter or matches. Fortunately, Shawn had an idea: Let's put a Slip 'n' Slide in the back yard and have fun, fun, fun! After we install in and hook up the water hose to it, all we have to do then is round the Kiwis up into one place, and nuke them.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
VoilaLeiya! That cousin from France was a little strange, she had peculiar habits like washing her dishes in the bidet, injecting Thai hot sauce into her croissants before eating them, and always driving LalaLeiya and her cousin around to see the sights, and we could never pass a Long John Silver's without their putting up a big fuss.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
I barely got 30 pages into Atlas Shrugged." He then went back to playing his video game, and I was left to my own devices as far as getting the electricity going again in the house. It was dark, I could not play my games, all in all, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck going 80 mph.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
If you don't have your ribbons neatly wrapped on spools, at least don't rest anything heavy on them to crush them. In advance of your gift-wrapping day, make a list of who gave what so I could send them a thank you note.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
ummm... I know I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, also while we are here, I would like to have a picnic! Yeah! I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I was so afraid to look. I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Exasperated, I loaded my shotgun. No more screwing around. Sometimes, only brute force can solve a problem.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
But this is an important decision, so I'll keep thinking. There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's. After all I don't want hands that look like a pair of sunglasses!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
So thankfully, it didn't, and because it didn't there will not be any baby tufts of stump grass growing in the vast emptiness of outer space. "Impossible!" I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!" Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid! so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
The Shadow knows. He also knows where all the best cookie crumbs are! the whole family had to move. So be very, very careful never to leave a trail of crumbs to your bedside!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
But first I got to see his dorm building and room. In his room I was surprised to see a tick crawling on my shoe.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. So instead I placed a couple business cards. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
At this rate, we will have paid off our mortgage in 22 years instead of 30.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Other good ideas include Burger King, Wendy's, and Hardee's, if you get tired of having pizza all the time. Not me! I always like to sit down in a peaceful place to eat my pizza.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all. Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Oh the bubbles. There were so many that we didn't know where to look! I told everybody, "Just remember how we rehearsed it: Keep smiling and always brush your teeth before you do.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long! Oh well, at least the green bar of soap was not down to a sliver yet, and the roommate had brought his own pile of funky smelling shoes. Xander didn't care since he had a trick to combat the roaches and mice that had invaded the dorm.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Serendipity! We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat. As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, "
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
"It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists. "It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
So I went shopping and bought 5 boxes of dye. The 5 colors I picked were black, navy blue, charcoal gray, gray, and maroon. There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
And I will build it out of lots of catnip and wine. What a day we had!! But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home. So, all's well that ends well, and we ate cake and pie.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
I tried to buy a burrito at Taco Bell with one of them, but the guy said, " GET back in that X-ray machine! You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
What were you thinking?!?! You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The only way to cover that will be to file bankruptcy!! Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer. I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The other stuff is OK, but it fit right in the charming neighborhood. The street was not too busy, except around lunchtime when my stomach was really growling and my co-workers I am sure could hear the embarrassing sounds of grinding gears.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin. I was hoping to catch it before it fell into the raging river down below. Unfortunately, just at the last second, I slipped in the mud and slid right into a big pile of manure.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
And when Spring comes, gently layer it around the exposed dirt. The next thing to do is to take some string and weave a hanging basket. Be sure to make it strong enough so you can trap large prey. It should definitely work for slow-moving targets such as a sloth, but you could run into problems if you taught math class in middle school...hahaha.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Greg started the seedlings from vintage seeds nestled in a tray of fortified walls to keep out the zombies! And giant spikes made out of wood logs! And the surrounding area was covered in moldy gray moss that smelled like gym socks that had been stuffed with rotten onions and baby vomit.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself!
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
How different that was! We had to wait days or weeks for an answer! Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles. I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it. Instead I decided to add a new game app. The name of it was Clash of the Terrible Twos.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully. We are all getting tired of this continual harassment.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow. But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Next we put the pastel cupcake wrappers in the muffin pan and put it in the larger mixing bowl.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise! I got my autograph book ready, and waited and waited and waited. I got so sleepy that I put my head on the edge of the elevator shaft.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone! Why is the eggnog always gone? Why is the New Year's number always depicted as novelty eyeglasses? If only everyone would stand still!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
"Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V." I looked around for help, and there, just out of reach, was just what I needed: more Scotch tape!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
My nose led me to the conclusion that we should call a plumber. It seems pretty obvious if the toilet won't even flush. Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments. He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue. Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor! "That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet !
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
You would have to rush to fill it again with concrete. This time, we're going for permanence! We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
We have only so many square inches of skin! Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Now on both wrists I have to wear elastic harnesses attached to the ropes which connect to 220 outlets. This doesn't look good.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
The whole theater is completely dark, and the ushers are busily passing out fliers advertising a competing movie theater!" they were yelling. "Union forever!" I was appalled and could not watch a minute more; in fact, I just stood up and shouted, " Kill it, kill it, KILL IT!!!!!"
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It teetered in the breeze. Just when the tension was almost too much to bear, the elastic snapped in my sweat pants, and I had to quickly step up the pace. I'll never burn off those calories from last night's dinner at this rate. As I broke into a jog, I peered down into the muddy puddle and spied something moving!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Then you need to put your feet up sometimes. Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
you can afford it! Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks. you can afford it! In the whole milk there is a lot of algae growing there."
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document. It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard."
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
We went to the dealership, looked into the showroom, and we saw a brand spanking new Interstellar G9X Ion-Charged Singularity Accelerator. This thing could wipe out a whole solar system. To ensure it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands, I wrapped it in brown paper, tied it up with twine, and hid it in the attic.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
We were just about to open our second bottle when suddenly, hot marshmallow started oozing out around the oven door!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
on the Discovery channel, and in the other hand I was flipping through my JOGAR recipe book I found a recipe for pizza with added chopped beef? It's not chopped beef, it's chopped steak! So don't ruin it with plain ol' ketchup.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!" The crew silently gazed out the viewportals at the void of purest black, which was at least 50 kilometers across, and was surrounded with a coruscating aura of all manner of colors as particles of light were sucked in at speeds exceeding 120 mph !!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
I had dozens of them, piled everywhere! They smelled like rotting potatoes. It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us. when you used it. The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Kids paid $1 to take turns using an Airsoft rifle to try and knock them down. I kept this up for almost an hour before the store managers realized what I was doing and chased me off, but by that time I had earned enough points to get a prime rib sandwich free at WaWa, they were all out!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
She buzzed right in with a big flyswatter and started swatting us on the behind.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going. Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox. Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
When we were finished we must have totaled at least 1000 kills in the 3 hours we spend running through the sewers. We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked. It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I should know, I use them whenever I am doing brain surgery. One day I misplaced them and believe it or not I found them in the dumpster next to Chase Arbor Commons.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Moments later, they came upon a wide, glistening puddle of goo. It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I'm so skilled at 'em they only last a few days, max. That's why I have to soak my hands in hot paraffin every night.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble. They were 30 feet tall, 2 feet wide, and frankly they stink and I don't want them in my garden anymore. Away with you! I've got half a mind to take a nap in the nearby hammock.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Not only would games run faster, but I could never banish the cats from the tech room even though they often wreak havoc with the local radio stations. Melodic crooning by the likes of Barry Manilow were interrupted by a big knock-down, drag-out cat fight.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
They were blocking the road, so I slammed on the brakes and turned in to a McDonald's drive-thru. I really needed a new line of work.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
This bold statement caused a huge increase in his medical malpractice insurance premiums. He may have to terminate his membership at the country club. Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
As a CPA, I know all about the financial complexities involved in running a business. My name's Carl. I'm an accountant. One day the boss looked over my shoulder and started laughing hilariously, and then he bellowed, "
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
This went on until I thought my throat would explode, when suddenly out of a ditch slithered a gigantic, slobbering, museum-class specimen of a loogie, frozen in amber, with bacteria in suspended animation that could be removed by meticulously scraping with a very sharp knife, and then following up with a gentle rub with a thin layer of butter, then I put some cinnamon-sugar on it.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume. This will surely impress them! They'll be so impressed they will spew! Just kidding, of course, but who knows, you may end up in Swaziland, in a dark jungle, surrounded by insipid but angry Frenchmen frothing epithets at us proudly patriotic Americans.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
I had all my Christmas lights in order plus some new packages. Now I was ready to decorate the yard!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"You are such an abuzor!" She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper. While we waited, the kids were able to play a beanbag game.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools. That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
NO! And if someone did, he would probably use DOS! Or Windows 3.1!! Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
he said cautiously. a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Next, I got the calendar and drew pictures of poop on every single day. You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
We much have been too noisy ourselves because the neighbors called up and said, " I just wondered if you knew there's a bowling alley right up the road. It's really not necessary for you to practice at home.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
All the monounsaturated oil made it count! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight. Stuff like what to get and what to avoid at the grocery, how to eat out smartly, and above all, remember it's not about a number, it's about how you feel!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It rattles. There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window! OH NO! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth. We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Too bad some of them were warped from the heat in the attic. But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
Only problem now was the fact that scratching the rash had left me with less than $5 in my pocket. I could not afford to have them do that diagnostic test, so I told him, "That's okay, I probably don't need both kidneys.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo. Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Well, I did, anyway. She thought that the circular saw would be perfect to slice the ham and salami for our lunch that day - can you believe that?" I almost lost it - not only were there woodchips in my sandwich, but now my favorite electric tool was perfect for sanding the hardwood floor prior to refinishing it.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I've been meaning to call you for days! How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
For example, while having fries at the fast food restaurant, I might lean over to my friend and share this insight about myself: "I'm not in it for the fries, I'm in it for the KETCHUP!"
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
This was the lowest ranked show ever! To improve things, we had to make sure everyone in the audience got at least a taste, so we passed out portions the size of your brain doesn't matter.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I got it for 10 cents at the thrift store! Why would anyone want to eat eel? It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter. We're going for a minimalist look here: clean lines, neutral colors.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks. I hate it when they serve me coffee. I wish they would go work at becoming more efficient at the cash register!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Ha ha! He could just imagine all those dolphins and whales jumping out of the water, so full joy, so full of lobsters it was ridiculous! Scraping them off was out of the question, so the best thing we could think to do was pry them off with a crowbar, clean them up and stew them.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet. One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
It cannot be possible! Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away! What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated. Calmly, she answered, "I'm thinking if we ate nothing but lettuce and skim milk for a month we may look good for the St.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Then the network switched over to the ads, which are even louder and more frenetic than the shows!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Sometimes they seemed to weigh as much as bowling balls! Even though he was a very strong man, he wasn't strong enough to defeat Herr Kapitan in hand-to-hand combat. As a result, he was disgraced--and grievously wounded. After he recovered from his coma he discovered he had a new ability: he had heightened awareness of a person's inclinations-- good or evil.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It's so hot and the heat makes me feel like dancing! It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
It was pandemonium. We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
When you fill in your applications, please include your criminal history, if applicable. That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel? I just want to be sure to put my makeup on right this time.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
But he wasn't listening; he was already counseling the next student over. Obviously I was going to have to figure this out for myself. i before e except after c... in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet. Of course everyone knows in addition to trays of sugary pastries, you should add bountiful numbers of rose petals to your bath!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Everywhere was dust. Dust, dust, dust! My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!" And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's... I had enough to make two layers.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. That will add good protein without making you feel overfull.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
I'm sure if I did I would have an underground playroom! Complete with tire swing, roller-skating area, dress-up box, and kitchenette!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's 5:00pm! It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
And early in the morning, all across the country, the vote counters were ready for the squads of illegal immigrants and communists to descend upon the voting booths, there to wipe down all surfaces with antibacterial scrub. It was necessary because all the candidates were secretly communists.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
All the other ants in the mound felt more secure with him around, knowing he'd been responsible for killing many enemy spies who had infiltrated his kingdom. But he would not be the next one. When the coast was clear, he opened the new bag of IAMS and sniffed deeply all the way to the bottom of his nest.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy. Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
You know I think I can analyze your problem. Can you give me a sample of your artwork. Our analysis of that will give us a lot of insight into your mental problems." I said to him, "My only problem is YOUR ugly face.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
To look into those far corners, I think I will ask Mr. John-John, my special friend, what I should do...wait.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
The building shook with a bone-buzzing boom! Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock. People across the street turned to look and gasped because streams of green sludge were rushing down the gutters and into the subway tunnel.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
What do they think? That we're all a bunch of slack-jawed faggots. If we're going to regain any shred of respect we're going to have to take a stand!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
but we grabbed him and wanted to turn him inside out, if you know what I mean. But we controlled ourselves and decided to give him the riot act.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
He said that so loudly, I jumped. "Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!" "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Pilot! I need a pilot! Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over. Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles."
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
On the way Papaw and Boppy picked up Uncle Greg who lived in a cardboard box that a bigscreen TV had come in.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
instead of actually performing a dance. So she tried it, and her classmates didn't know whether to be impressed or amused. Her ability to spin on her toes was phenomenal. We could only watch in amazement, envying her strength and grace.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I noticed a stream of urine running down the side of the cavern wall. the Minotaur King was relieving himself right above us!" I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
What a sight to see! I wonder if I could take them all home? For all of them I would need a room the size of plums! "Ooh. That's very nice," I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
All my bags were packed and soon I would be on my way for the trip of a lifetime!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms. When he finally found the cash register, he looked at it and exclaimed, " You'll won't do me in with that heater!" He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
The best thing I can remember is helping my grandmother gather eggs and feeding the little baby chicks. Sometimes we found the eggs in the strangest places: why one time we found three behind the barn, smoking like a durn chimney.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
I said. "It's so humid and hot here. I'm so sweaty." Everyone agreed and started looking around. "Look at all these fossilized bones. I wonder how old they really are. Would they be as old as me?" She shook her head, and replied "I imagine these dinosaurs are at least 100 years old.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
That's the price you pay for neglecting it or using cheap stuff for fertilizer! fertilizer. You can use it for digging up earthworms. You know those slick wiggly creatures that are so good for the soil.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
The sun was sinking lower in the sky. It was time to start thinking about dinner. Luckily, Rosita's father had a good catch of fish from earlier that day. Digging a hole in the sand, they lay down some firewood. They placed the cooking pan in the outdoor oven which the Ruwandans had built with stone and layers of crushed bones were all that remained of those who opposed the formation of the International Village.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
his friend said. "You must really like french fries! But over here we call them pommes frites, and we like to smother them with sauteed onions.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I'm really getting tired and hungry. I want a Brown Mule. Let's go find an ice cream freezer in this place, and look in it to see if we can find some quarters so we can play a few final video games before we have to go." The clock said "TIME TO GO SHOPPING!"
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Sometimes I did anyway, and I paid sorely for it. Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on. I soon decided barefoot was good........if your feet were hot. But not good if your feet were covered with blisters, stuck with splinters, and if the ground oozed with the green slime from that pond we sloshed through earlier, while holding up our rifles so they wouldn't get wet!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I exclaimed. "Pops doesn't sell chicken nuggets! Do we, guys?" He chuckled as he called over his shoulder to the crew. They all laughed nervously because they knew where this was headed. It was headed straight for the Health Department.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
From her shiny blonde hair to her pretty face, impeccable spring pastel suit and pristine, stylish shoes, she was the picture of confident perfection. As she walked past, I could smell that old familiar odor of stale classrooms wafting down the hall.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Cuz cats like milk. Almost as much as they like washing the dishes. And if you let him wash the dishes, he may notice the soap bubbles drifting in the air, and that will remind him of days long gone by when he used to sit under the willow tree lanquidly blowing bubbles and drinking his tall cold glass of lemonade, and he would daydream about floating on his back in the swimming pool, feeling the warm sunshine and cool water, relaxing while listening to the sonic booms from the numberless jets flying overhead.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going." "That's terrible, who would have thought ice cream could melt so fast! Hurry we need to try to refreeze it!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
Instead, I loaded all the returned books onto the library cart and wheeled them into the back room where I could sort them in peace, and put them where they belonged: in the toilet. While I was in there, I grabbed a plunger in one hand and a toilet brush in the other and ran out screaming!
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
She looked at me and said, "You look so sad. Why are you so blue?
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
"I'm happy to be the one to tell you, you've just won a LIFETIME SUPPLY of Super-Sized Whopper Combo Meals!!!" The supervisor clapped me on the back as the cameras flashed; but I didn't notice.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
And wash 'em down with a tall glass of chocolate milk. A month later, when we got a craving for them again, all we had to do was pull some extra we'd saved out of the freezer!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
It left them with a taste they shall never forget. Such is the power of the ULTIMATE NINJA. And again what is that POWER? It is the power of the universe! The power that enables the ULTIMATE NINJA to unleash hundreds if not thousands of punches and kicks upon any who opposed him.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet. Those were the only kind of wallets Greg carried around nowadays--genuine leather and filled to overflowing with Jacksons, Grants, and Franklins.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
We were really really going! Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Count Muenster, along with the Earl of Sandwich, agreed to approach the Duke, but first the catapult must be reloaded. So everyone got together and loaded it with sausage.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket. That's what the country's coming to. A parking lot here, a parking lot there, and pretty soon you've got some real evidence there!
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You have to stay up longer, study harder, and above all, pay attention to the teachah. Class is now in session, I'm gonna try 'n' reach ya. After the rap was over, Greg stood up and shouted, "There will be no discussion!" Invigored with his courage, again he shouted, "
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Greg nodded slowly and deliberately as he reached for the Ovaltine. When he opened the cabinet, Lo, and behold, he found his missing bottle of pills. Oh, how he had suffered without them!