Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
When they bloom they will look as if they are marching, and when the neighbors see them, they will exclaim, " and I'll say, "Well, there's the Spam, egg, sausage, and Spam...
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
The bottle spiraled through the air, reflecting their horrified faces as it sailed by. No one was able to react in time, and it landed, with a hollow skitter-clatter, on the tile floor, impossibly unbroken.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
He had an entourage of elves all singing "Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus!!" Much to my surprise, he was driving a golf cart outfitted with giant boom boxes. Everyone slapped their hands over their ears, and when he got close to them, they froze in shock, speechless with awe.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it. I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
They made five of those. They werr also known for making excellent fried fish in a delightful lemon sauce. Served with a nice dry white, can of Rustoleum spray paint. That will do the trick.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Believe it or not, there I was sitting on the brick patio unwrapping 20 old hard candies I found in the garage and scooping them out of the wrappers because they were soft...yuk, but I wanted the ants to have a big treat.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
It was a normal day in Dunedin, New Zealand. The sun shone, and a cold wind blew in from the South. Seagulls squawked and crapped in every direction.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
It got caught on everything! it even got stuck on logistics. Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Within just a couple weeks, I had already earned a cool nickname, which I've used to this day.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Ah, man.. I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store. They had every kind you could think of, but I was really drawn to the sparkly tissue wrapping paper!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Yeah! I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
We rowed with all our might and soon we reached the boundary between the dimensions. It looked like a wall of glimmering water. We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
He flipped the couch over violently, and once he had our attention, screamed, "
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Unfortunately, none of them knew how to use the cash register! Hmmm. Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
There's nothing more enjoyable than seeing all the full, healthy, verdant growth of summer. Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners. A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
I mean there were a lot of people here, and it looked as if every single one of them had brought their A-game. They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
But I told her "Sure, you can drive my car to Walmart." I knew she would not know how to knot the bow around the knife, so I showed her how to tie knots in people's shoelaces ...joined...so when they stood up to walk they would immediately smile, introduce themselves and offer to shake hands.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Imagine our surprise when we looked out the window and we saw snowflakes floating down from the sky. Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Why don't you decide what you are going to do with them? For starters, you could have salad, breadsticks, or everyone's favorite--stuffed mushrooms! Appetizers get people in the mood of a party!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
We are sick and tired of it. I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!" He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!" As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, "
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
And the name of it was " Your dearest wish come true." Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
"This is fantastic!" I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School! Even Donald Trump would want to own this... I will call him right away and say." 3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket! And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!" The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I had to wait about two weeks. Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink !
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Aaahhh! and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds. Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude. I had gotten as ready as I could for this fall, and now the only thing left was to sit back in my easy chair and enjoy a cool sparkling glass of Mountain Dew !
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Be sure to make it strong enough so you can trap large prey. It should definitely work for slow-moving targets such as a sloth, but you could run into problems if you taught math class in middle school...hahaha.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Tamp down the tourniquets I had to put on my arms after accidentally slicing them with the trowel. Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I kept calling my smart phone from my land line just so I could hear it again and again !! Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
That'll teach 'em! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! ME WANT COOKIE! GIMME COOKIE!!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
That is a perfect recipe for thin crust Pizza a la Greg.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Unperturbed, I instead presented him with the business end of my shovel, and I washed the dirt off with a scrubbrush and hot soapy water. Afterwards, I took some oil and rubbed it on my arms to keep away the mosquitoes.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! But he was nervous!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
There, under a little tree, we saw all colors of lichens growing on the bald rock. When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
His authoritative tone irked me, so I took particular care in minding who was sitting next to me. I was watching for turbans, scarves, and most of all I was mindful of the gap.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Getting hired is one of the biggest energy boosts ever! They say the most important thing to consider when deciding to accept a new job is whether or not to include your brief stint as a soldier of fortune.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I got yer new year's resolution right here!!" I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl! "Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes! We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!"
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
So the next morning try again. Every new day is a new chance to redeem all your failures of last year simply by giving yourself room to dream of the possibilities. Sometimes all it takes is a little gutsy resolve! So anyone can decide tomorrow will be a new day and when you wake up, the first thing you should do is get an accountability partner.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
I think we deserve it ! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Arrange them in a semi-circle under the Christmas tree, but make sure they are not near any pets.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
The perfect answer to our problem--WD-40 is famous as a remedy for squeaky hinges and cleaning away sticky gunk, but I bet you didn't know you can also use it for a lethal weapon. uh-oh. There are three things you never want to hear your plumber say: "Uh-oh", "This is really going to cost a lot", and "
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
He checked his INVENTORY. It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments. He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue. Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious."
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
What does this mean? "CHEESE! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!" Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance. Soon afterwards, the mead hall exploded, fat orange cheese wheels spilling through the shattered wooden walls by the score.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation! And for 3 weeks I had to wear an Ace bandage on my damaged vertebrae, which were partially crushed in a parkour accident two years prior.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner. But it was so loud, we couldn't hear the movie! "HEY!! SHUT THAT OFF!"
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
But this time I decided just to enjoy the moment. Off in the distance, I noticed reflected from the street lamp, 2 yellow eyes staring at me. I slowed my walking and waited to see whether it would fall from its own weight.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Ted's day started out innocently enough, with his usual morning routine, but then, during his normally uneventful commute to work, a horde of zombies rushed toward his car! There must have been hundreds of them!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
"What?" I said. "I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep! I wonder who brought them? Could it have been that I had made them myself and forgotten?
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
So bright. So beautiful. prrrecciouusss... Those hobbitses are always stealing from us. Those nasty little roaches were everywhere! Someone must have left food in here! Ah, I found an old lunch bag! And in it were stale pieces of air. There wasn't enough oxygen to breathe!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
After 30 seconds (which seems like an eternity, given that we could still hear it breathing), we finally found our car in the parking lot after looking for 2 hours !!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
We are running out of time! We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Unimaginative yes, but quick and simple. But, while I was there, I decided to go ahead and order dessert. oh, you know. You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat. When you see them coming you must floor it! "Eat my dust, turkeys!" I yelled out the window as the car shot out of the stocking which was hanging on the mantle.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
a worker yelled, "You can't bring raw brains in here! Get out! who had just walked in with a tray of hot biscuits. she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face! I know! I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face. It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E. Cheese and eat lots of crap pizza and drink cheap beer. After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly. Better than perfect, in fact!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
But he wouldn't be staying there for long. With a single punch, Abiathar managed to finish his mission and start a new one, which was to rescue a mad scientist and kill all the lights before he made his big debut.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
ready! Let the battle begin! The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box! I knew it was full of video games which I had ordered. I'm so skilled at 'em they only last a few days, max.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
I then tried to decide what fertilizer to use. I had to choose between organic compost or that big bag of hot air, Joe Blow or Joe Schmoe or whatever his name is. Always offering unsolicited advice. I've got half a mind to take a nap in the nearby hammock. Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter. Like a tax hike in a Democrat controlled Congress."
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
It wouldn't have been the first time. They quietly ordered an X-ray of his brain, completely unsure what the bulge was. They were pretty sure though that the X-ray would show the presence of decades-old cysts the size of walnuts.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
Yum! It was crunchy and really really tasty! I gathered up a few and put them in my pocket so I could give them to the police officer when he hauled me in for questioning before being charged with trespassing.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
I decided to take a 4-week crash course on French. I'd never studied a foreign language, but there's no time like the present for developing a smooth accent. feelings of the Italians, who of course like to roll their R's and use nasal N's, like when they say Cinqo de Mayo they don't mean, "Drop the mayonnaise"; what they really mean is, "
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
They must be coming from Mars! We're being invaded on Christmas!" He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
He shouted, " You're no match for our shoulder-mounted quantum rocket launchers!" Without further ado or hesitation, he pulled out his Equalizor, opening very carefully the hatch, and peering in; there seemed to be a strange odor drifting out.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
In moments like these, I'm sure glad I use Dial. Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits. I was thinking Goldman and Sachs. I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Quickly I reached over and jerked the ripcord, and my parachute cmae hurtling out just in time!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He had already asked me for a refund. "Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, "
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
To which the manager, confused, replies, " Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Meanwhile, the rest of the group went to the raspberry patch and had a raspberry war!! Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
sdfsdf sdfsdf No! It's swxswx! Is this a real story??!! What are you thinking?! = Waa waa waa waa I'm all out of cough syrup!!!!!!!! You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Or Windows 3.1!! Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
"You can't be serious! I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
I have 2 potty chairs, 2 bags of M&M's, and 2 bags of gummy bears to use as positive reinforcement! Next, I got the calendar and drew pictures of poop on every single day. You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music. Boy, do I hate it! Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
I think the best way would be to just act natural. That way we can glide more easily into the gulch, where we will be protected from the oncoming onslaught of tornadoes. Well, safer, anyway.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
red, white, and blue streaks were all we could see of the cars! They were going so fast, the asphalt was melting.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Then we realized we were in a progessive town because our hotel room had "hot water on demand": to conserve the water that normally runs down the sink while you're waiting for it to get hot, there were small water heaters installed right next to the toilet was a strange-looking water saving device.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Stuff like what to get and what to avoid at the grocery, how to eat out smartly, and above all, remember it's not about a number, it's about how you feel!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
You know the old joke. It rattles. There's a warning label.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
and take off my lucky socks. I didn't need them today--I felt like I could take on the world!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
So, here we pay homage to dorks everywhere. After all, if it weren't for brainiacs, nothing cool would ever get invented. stuff like microwaves and the thingies that keep your phone cord from getting tangled, but "cool"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!! If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding! I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Now it should be simple to fix. All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store. It will spark so much interest, you'll be building the biggest mega-cat-condo in the world!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
So I went upstairs and screamed to let out the frustration. Then I went back downstairs and fixed myself a meatball lunch pocket. It was so good, I licked it again.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Just a few more nails into the roof shingles and we will be sure to use the right tool this time. As we've found out, it's well worth the expense in order to avoid the old nests of mice and rats between the walls, we decided to install a urinal in every bathroom!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need. It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment. After all, who would know that the slacker pizza cook would just put a smattering of cheese on my pizza!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
The studio kitchen was sparkling, brand new appliances, and plenty of brandy. That helps takes the edge off when you get too stressed. Got your expensive Ginsu knives?? Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties. We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos. And your hair needs more color!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull! "They really ought to do something about that!" He shouted with ire, "
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
When they arrived, his tummy was already started to gurgle. "Uh, excuse me, I didn't mean to fart in your face." Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
We got all-black clothes, work gloves, and a 10-foot-long boa constrictor which was slowly and methodically wrapping around every square foot of cellulite. "The ad said this would make my thighs look smaller!"
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
This team of friends had agreed to buy all the ingredients to make homemade pizza. So before they went to the store they made a list of ingredients: Trix cereal, cinnamon bun, chocolate milk, and peanut butter cookies!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut! That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
A lady brought us some cold drinks. Soon we felt better, so we hightailed it over to the rodeo to see how long we could stay seated on that wild bucking brown and white streaks on my skin! I hadn't applied my sunscreen evenly!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
My present to them will be 40 hours of community service. I'll be dragging my behind after I finish all this shopping. and buy a notepad for myself, so I can write down a list of people to whom we must send boxes of processed cheese and hard sausages.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
She has the look we want. She must weigh close to 350 pounds. But that's OK. that's right... Perfect! She's a door. The next girl can pose on this poof chair.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet. Of course everyone knows in addition to trays of sugary pastries, you should add bountiful numbers of rose petals to your bath!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
First we set up out tents and dug latrines into which to put the daily entries, which should include date, grid coordinates, name of the person who found it, and a description of ancient Babylonian bones with the addition of old photos of amazingly preserved pies! one student asked.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Actually, you may need TWO carts! In fact, you may find that the selection of 2x4s has way too many knots in it. In which case, you should start over.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Once you start getting creative you can envision new shapes for rooms. For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear! Countering the attack with another new move, the hovering spinning high kick, he propelled his opponent across the room flew a whirling bat ninja right at me.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I bet that would get more people to vote! You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN ! So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun? I bet that would get more people to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
He soon heard that Spot next door was wearing a flea collar. What a wimp. Barrister has no use for such "jewelry". Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder! The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Everyone was impressed by all the water running into the gutter. It was like a river of foamy green beer. he explained jovially. We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Something had to be done! The doctor quickly cleaned the nostrils and inserted a peanut-butter sandwich into the VCR. Then he stuck a fork in an electrical outlet. This caused him to emit a strange growl-like sound from the base of his throat.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
To look into those far corners, I think I will ask Mr. John-John, my special friend, what I should do...wait. He's imaginary, I keep forgetting! I'm cracking up! I need to stop and take a break. I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold. It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!"
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
We even tried to quiet our breathing, fast and loud from our sprint. We pressed our backs against the wall, trying to hide in the shadow of the titanic Doom-Bot, which Dr. Nefarious had unleashed upon the unsuspecting city. Little did he know, right around the corner there was Emil Blonsky, better known as the Abomination!
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
The smooth, dark polished wood, rich carpeting and drapes, and extensive collection of leather-bound books always served to calm my racing mind.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that?
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"I need to get some of that!" Bob exclaimed. "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers. Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
I'm not going to eat it anyway; I just want a salad." On her salad she had crumbles of Bleu Cheese and bean sprouts with a delectable dressing made of Mediterranean olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and grated bits of dried hot peppers! Spicy is good! Good for the immune system!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
We could only watch in amazement, envying her strength and grace. "How beautiful are the deep pools of blue that are your eyes.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
the Minotaur King was relieving himself right above us!" I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
It was so beautiful I couldn't take my eyes off it! The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
The fun is just beginning. Now we are headed for the North Pole! We will be on top of the world! Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course! It will be so cool to see from above the blackened scars in South America caused by the burning of the rain forests.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Man! They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!" As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms. When he finally found the cash register, he looked at it and exclaimed, "
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
To limber myself up I scampered up the ladder into the hay loft and jumped up and down in the hay. Then I took a flying leap into the big pile of you-know-what! You can't get away from that on a farm, you know!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
They weren't scared. They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola! Especially if your own son is a pothead!! So stomp on it!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
I said, and I turned around to go again. There is nothing that is more fun than going down hill in a red wagon. Zoom! Down you go! Everybody out of the way! And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg...
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
I was looking forward to that!" "You're so silly!" Omar said, "We don't need air tanks for that! We can just hold our breath.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
As we entered the familiar halls of the Louvre, we picked up a museum map and headed for the location of the Mona Lisa. We found her and as we stood gazing at that famous little smile, a gentleman next to us made this comment about her, "
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
The ones that turn into a robot and then into a jet plane and then into the Toy Department again to see if anything was missing from the shelves.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
If others are present, your only hope is to fart again, only this time fart harder, and hopefully it'll be toxic enough to kill any witnesses.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
It was so large I wondered if it were growing right in front of my eyes. I could not help but stare. Suddenly he turned and caught me! I couldn't help turning red, and I quickly turned my attention to his corn dog.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
"Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?" "Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead. I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?"
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Well, just fill it up again. To accomplish this, one will have to accumulate enough borax to kill all the mice. "Hell, Betty," Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
The batteries were running low. We were already out of water. We trapped, a hundred feet underground in a mine that was used for blowing big holes into the cave walls. There was a whole box of dynamite that someone had left behind. Hey maybe this will work out after all!
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
And then he yelled it again with even more emphasis," REVENGE IS SWEET, AND A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!!" By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that. I realized this was a good opportunity to get out of there, so I quietly nudged past the jostling, shouting crowd, resisting the temptation to tear out the pages of the 1500-page unabridged dictionary and start making ragged origami with them.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
There's nothing like a good dose of Ex-lax to loosen you up.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil!
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
I said, "Hot dogs? I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
In exchange, they agreed to exchange insider information, hoping that the authorities would never find out. However as soon as their buys went through, the Commissioner announced, "
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
"I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits. What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
he exclaimed. "I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!" He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
I really, really, really want to watch a kids' show! PLEASE!" his mom said, "your screen time is all used up for today. Tomorrow is a new day and you can renew your magazine subscriptions over the phone, but only if you act now!" So I hung up on him. I looked at Barrister, and said, "Hey, let bygones be bygones and let's all go out for anchovie pizza."
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
The similarity was remarkable! The eyes, the nose, even the way he parted his hair.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump.