Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Even the cars had turned yellow from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
So we went to the airport and ironically, we were all so hungry we didn't care what we ate, so on the menu was was a Post-it note with the terse message: "OUTSIDE NOW".
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
As my eyelids slid closed of their own volition, the last thing I heard from the crackling, dying radio was "Oh, the weather outside is frightful..."
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Once we entered the most secure part of the facility, it became clear what had everyone on edge: There was a large hidden aquarium covered with heavy drapes.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I don't care how many steps on the recipe are left, I'm wasting away here. Now please, would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it and it was so slippery that I quickly had to unwrap a stick of butter and vigorously whipped the buttery mashed potatoes into a big mound of dog crap.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
And shelves? He never puts anything away. Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens?? He realized he broke a string in the last movement! he mentally mumbled to himself. motion across his neck. Unfortunately, he didn't understand that you're supposed to take a deep breath first.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
While you're there, make sure you order at least one latte and sit by a window as you watch go by the wayside. And you can't help but wonder, " Will these trolls ever leave me alone?
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
It was impossible to deny: Sweet dreams are made of cheese / Who am I to dis a brie? / I cheddar the world and the feta cheese / Everybody's looking for stilton.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
All that litter scattered everywhere! What messy cats. First I get a shower then wipe down the cats, and as for VoilaLeiya... I am sending her back to the manufacturer! Sending IT back. This was the most disappointing robotic vacuum I had ever used.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
But he was a good guy with a big heart. When we asked him if he had heard the news, he said "
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
They had every kind you could think of, but I was really drawn to the sparkly tissue wrapping paper! That and the snowflake ribbons reminded me of when I met the real Santa years ago.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river. Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
We tried and tried to pull them out, but we had woven that basket so tightly, they were firmly stuck. The only solution we could think of was to cut the rope to the anchor so we could drift away from the whirlpool...hopefully.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
You know that would be the ultimate experience! hedge after hedge after hedge... Maybe into shapes, like for instance the shape of a PAYCHECK!!!! Sitting at a desk with the so cool AC and a cuppa tea whenever I wanted it...
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
"Perfect!" I thought. "They're designed to be mousetraps, and are cute and fuzzy too."
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
We could hardly wait to eat! I even could detect the smell of SUCCESS!! With their youthful energy and can-do attitude, nothing could stop the students from rioting about the demolition of the omelet bar. NO !! What to do?? They, to a man, all decided to rush the stage. It was pandemonium!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
The light was brilliant! So bright I had to shield my eyes with my hands and with a soft folded napkin lovingly wrapped around, I placed the tombstone behind the fresh grave, as requested.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
You might even run into a zamboni! And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on?"
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Now we're stocked up for some New Year's Eve stompin' noisy fun! Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music. Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?!" WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO! WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?!"
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Just put in the corners of every room little bowls of microwave popcorn. But the coolest thing he has in his room is a large, heavy anvil.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
The immediate effect was the perspiration started evaporating and I felt so cool! So cool that that I had to put on a show to impress the neighbors. They were unfortunately unimpressed, and said haul that big garden cart over here! We are going to hose water into it and then fill it it with ice.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
A neighbor said I was using up too much sunshine. Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Was I going to have to dip it out by hand? The only container I could find was a big plastic laundry basket. One big one should be all I need.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
We went to look for the snow shovel, but instead found the manhole cover that had been lost for two months! "This is fantastic!" I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Well, hello there!!! I've been ever so busy lately that I nearly stumbled. Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity. Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Let's celebrate our resoluting by going out to eat!! I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running. How annoying. I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!"
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Make sure you never tie a yellow ribbon 'round that old oak tree, because this is a Jonny Cash town, you hear? If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say " Merry Christmas!"
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile. I told him I could compost those yard clippings, but he said " Stop looking at my bum and get on with your work!"
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful. Spicy, meaty, and with a little hint of mint! Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor. To counter that, Cliff decided to shred them. "You can't ever have too much butternut squash, because we want to make soup with it !Bowls and bowls of soup seasoned with sprinkles of rosemary.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
The General abruptly stiffened with alertness. Creeping forward, he spotted a fire ant hill right in his path !! Oh no! So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
How peaceful and pretty. But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen! I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Layers and layers of vegetables, meats and cheeses, all between two pieces of angel food cake. Now where is that whipped cream and those sugared syrupy pasta dishes, which are only appropriate for Christmastime! You need to remember: it's candy, candy canes, candy corns, and the last of the four main food groups: I cannot even remember because they keep changing the pyramid.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
So I started taking classes on business at the local community college. I also took my time thinking up a good password. too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully. We are all getting tired of this continual harassment. And make sure you tell him to bring exact change.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
That is a perfect recipe for thin crust Pizza a la Greg. Who want a piece? Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money. First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21. Three rows of seven each.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
THE END We found a parking space quite easily, got out of the car, decided to have a little snack consisting of pink slime, beef by-products, spices, and nitrates. It sure tasted good! But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
If there's one thing I know, it's that you never want to lace-up shoes to the airport, because they are too hard to get on and off, especially if they are laced with arsenic!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!"
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle. "Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V." I looked around for help, and there, just out of reach, was just what I needed: more Scotch tape! I looked in the different drawers to find some and in my search I found ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
And we soon had enough to make brownies with. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts! He went into anaphylactic shock and died.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
I exclaimed. "I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER." I stared quizzically at Vladimir Putin, who was in turn staring intensely at a full-size horse and licking his lips. With a glorious roar, he hefted it over his shoulders and tried to go through the front door.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
It was a long, intense process to add cybernetic enhancements to a super-soldier; one that would begin to wear on the subject's consciousness if left dormant. Limitless options were available, as the soldier could make up his own scenario which would be programmed into the simulation computer.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
But I had a better idea. Set up a giant lemonade stand right at the end of our driveway !! Not only would we sell lemonade, but we could also sell bags of ice. You know people really need those for seeing underwater. And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit. And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
When it happened, I spent the first 3 months just learning how to use this stupid new controller. Now on both wrists I have to wear elastic harnesses attached to the ropes which connect to 220 outlets.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I ran so far I got lost. I didn't care, I was finally able to lift my shoes from the sticky coke residue on the floor, and I put them on top of the stack of 16mm movie reels that I stole from the projection room when nobody was looking!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
I said "Gimme that money!" But he said, You are under arrest! Face down on the ground! Put your hands behind your back stalked a ninja! He was there the ENTIRE TIME! When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
They were everywhere! They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
But was it distilled or well water? To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth. Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV. We went to the dealership, looked into the showroom, and we saw a brand spanking new Interstellar G9X Ion-Charged Singularity Accelerator.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face. I could count the individual strands of Rayon that composed pink fuzzy dice dangling from his rearview mirror.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
What if we ran out of food?!! Would any stores be open? I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I figured I would clean it up with the blood of my enemies! And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or sarsaparilla.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
I got on the internet and found a lot of good stuff for presents! It was as easy as pie to pick out a bunch of gifts to be sent to his room for being such a bad boy. He had a bad habit of eating too much pizza before I go to bed...
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
ice cream.... We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
With that out of the way, I decided to take a break and get some tinsel to throw on the tree. I could only find silver of course. I took the strands out of the bag and placed them one by one on the shooting gallery. Kids paid $1 to take turns using an Airsoft rifle to try and knock them down.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
Get out! who had just walked in with a tray of hot biscuits. she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face! I know! I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
So then we started to use the snow shovel to pick up all the piles of fly poop FlyLady was leaving everywhere. We put them just where they belonged: in your face, boy!!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It needed to look a little battered for the play I was going to be in. Believe it or not , I was going to act the part of the fool! That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog. A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one! While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" I told him, "
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
What a revolting development! And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence. Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration. Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So get out the special shears and with great vigor attack the dogs which had taken to pooping on the lawn.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares. "Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!"
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
I didn't want to argue, so I pretended to be listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio. Too bad I didn't know that I was in the company of a red diaper doper baby who believed in God, who was the only one who could save him now!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
This bold statement caused a huge increase in his medical malpractice insurance premiums. He may have to terminate his membership at the country club. Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them?
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Go away! I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr. Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
And with that, he made a U-turn and proceeded back down the road and bumped into a steel spike that protruded from a pile of obliterated concrete.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
feelings of the Italians, who of course like to roll their R's and use nasal N's, like when they say Cinqo de Mayo they don't mean, "Drop the mayonnaise"; what they really mean is, " Show me your passport."
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
I could hear the whine of the power meter dials spinning. I could hear the sound of sleigh bells coming from the roof! Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late! He pushed the button of the vending machine expecting a deli sandwich, but instead, down the chute came a grenade!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We'll be eating peanut butter and rice for a month! But it was worth it, because life isn't measured in how many breaths you take, but in how many moments like these, I lift up a song, I lift up a love song, to Jesus!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side).
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Orrrder uuuuuup!" To which the manager, confused, replies, " Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
I stepped through the door and fell through a hole in the floor! I landed in a mud puddle.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
It's a little late to change course! The asteroid is too big. In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
What a easy test this was! I had learned this stuff in high school. I breezed through the first half, and then my heart sank as the teacher chided loudly, "NO, NO, NO...you're doing it wrong!" Well, let's just say I was completely mortified and felt a burning desire to shove the monitor off the table and just leave.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
"Hello, everyone, I'm Kent Mansley, and this is COOKING SHOW!! Today's show is brought to you by Squeesitout Pimple Cream! Make sure all your teenagers have a good supply, and are wearing this new hairnet. We all know that sanitation is very low priority around here, which is why your show is on suspension!"
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Ewww! Smelly! And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
They were running dune buggies up there! When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
We were leaning back like astronauts! As if on cue, the voice of Jackie Gleason could be heard exclaiming, "You're going too fast!"
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Clean water is so important, we should all do our best not to waste it. All it takes is some education, some motivation, and some creativity, and we'll all have good water for many generations to come.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale. So when we advertised it, we exaggerated a little bit to get more people to show up.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
After 15 years I had earned the reputation of the best test pilot in the country. But I was in for the surprise of my life.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!" He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!" But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!! If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding! I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee. But that's OK-- we can replace it with saline, or I can tell you about our latest experiment: something we've been growing in the lab.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
What a mess that would be! And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
"Hey! Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I flicked the switch and the loud noise that erupted sounded like a hundred termites trying to chew through the wall! Ha ha! I thought to myself, "Little do they know that the electrical outlets are installed upside down.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I've been meaning to call you for days! How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
"We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice. Fluff up our pillows! Don't you know who we are? a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show. I have staff who will divide the German blood sausage into enough pieces so that everyone can have at least a Eastern European immigrant would have more good taste than the fresh-faced yahoos we've been putting on this show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style! How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
The bigger the better. The biggest I've ever seen. In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Ha!" Ha! Ha!" Ha! Ha! Ha!" He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum! Ha! Ha! Ha!" I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
So why don't you just give it up and go back to using Depends Undergarments?" Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
That's right, this is the perfect time to go on a diet and find a new recipe for low fat, low cholesterol, high protein baked bars of coconut, nuts, chocolate and condensed milk. I gave them to Xander and Ethan to throw away.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
We could not wait to buy some, so we headed toward the fridge. "What's the deal with all the psychedelic colors?"
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks! We were successful with ten seconds to spare and then some bozo struck a match...............
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Beach, HERE WE COME! We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky. Why they were huge! They were as big as beanbag chairs!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight! "Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
The next girl can pose on this poof chair. It is shaped like a high-heeled shoe. How mod! I wonder who thought up that idea. It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive. And that is hard to find.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
We called the photographer over to get his opinion of the background, and then we set up the .50-caliber machine guns to defend our site from looters. Rare artifacts can fetch a healthy price on the black market, just like scarred old remnants of ancient civilizations.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
I had already drawn the plans which would include 2, maybe 3 banks of cannons to blow away looters, marauders, and other human filth that would start roaming the streets if Kerry was elected president.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Ah, the warm feeling in my tummy! Ah, the power coming out of my legs, my arms, my fingertips. If you could see my aura, it'd be white with fire and black with death. Death was the order of the day (I suppose you could call a hamburger and french fries that!) Anyway who cares?
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
We should have plenty of coffee and doughnuts to show our appreciation for all the free handguns being handed out at the NRA rally!" Meanwhile, across the street, the DNC rally was handing out free copies of the Communist Manifesto, which were all autographed by Snoop Doggy Dog and Jesse Jackson.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
My home, seen only in faded memories after all those years... Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Boy, did it stink! It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Who knows how long that had been there! "That's disgusting!" I said. "We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner! Russell used some when he worked at Busch; let's call him." So we called Russell to check out the buckets of unknown substance in the far corner.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Luckily no one was eating at the time. The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I'm telling you, you've got to try this onion dip. It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape. WHo had it last?"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful. However, I sighed, knowing that again, soon after eating, I'd be hungry. Why didn't anybody else want any greasy meat?!
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
On her salad she had crumbles of Bleu Cheese and bean sprouts with a delectable dressing made of Mediterranean olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and grated bits of dried hot peppers!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
We were lucky enough to have live piano music to dance to. Which makes sense, actually, because the piano player had sprained his ankle and couldn't show up. So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble. We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I noticed a stream of urine running down the side of the cavern wall. the Minotaur King was relieving himself right above us!" I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar. It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
With that, he picked up a huge axe and smashed it into the table! "You overcharged me for that GI Joe figure! Now, YOU'RE gonna pay!" I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
It was so funny. When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams! They were all holding uzis! The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
And I probably should wear my gun. I'm nervous about this, you know. The fact that I'm addicted to placebos doesn't make it any easier. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference. I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
To limber myself up I scampered up the ladder into the hay loft and jumped up and down in the hay. Then I took a flying leap into the big pile of you-know-what! You can't get away from that on a farm, you know!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
This did not bode well. The sun was sinking fast and we were running out of battery power. Soon it would be dark and we would be in the dark with no flashlights. It was getting scarier by the minute, so we decided to resign ourselves to our fate.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
You can use it for digging up earthworms. You know those slick wiggly creatures that are so good for the soil. Why in only one hour they can process 50 pounds of superb cedar mulch.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
And then, birds landed on him! So he started singing: "Zippidy doo-dah, zippidy-ey, my o' my what a wonderful day just the kind of day for a hot rod race on the open road. Start your engines!"
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Even though it was just the skeleton, somebody was scared. But then we realized: we were all scared. The forces of Hauptmann Gestapo were closing in, and Molly was really enjoying her Chinese Chop Suey. She was also learning how to use chopsticks. She easily picked up the noodles, and then deftly she reached into the bowl and she picked up a hockey stick and skated out onto the ice.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
We found her and as we stood gazing at that famous little smile, a gentleman next to us made this comment about her, " If she laughs any louder my brain is going to slide out of my ears in long, thin slices." his friend said. "You must really like french fries! But over here we call them pommes frites, and we like to smother them with sauteed onions.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
But what to do next? And where to go next? I think we should go over to the hardware department and we can look for some Transformers! The ones that turn into a robot and then into a jet plane and then into the Toy Department again to see if anything was missing from the shelves.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
We don't know much, but what we do know is that farts have been around as long as people have been eating vegetables.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
When we looked down at our trays, we saw gobs of macaroni and cheese and what I thought were chunks of hot dog.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
You know, the ones we don't like: They squish so easily and they taste like they always have: awesome!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
They don't want neat! They don't want orderly! They don't want work! Kids these days, they just want--errgkhh..." At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead. I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?" "Yeah." Max replied.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Oops, too big! Now what? Well, just fill it up again. To accomplish this, one will have to accumulate enough borax to kill all the mice. "Hell, Betty," Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
Imagine getting so sick on that food! What was in it? It must have been cooked with bacon grease. That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
It frightened everyone down there, but I reassured them saying, " Not to worry old chaps.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
This report must be written on the subject of underwater basket weaving. The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Stop making faces at me. Stop squirting a water gun in my face. YOu're an idiot. Let me out of here! I want to go get a massage now. I feel tense. There's nothing like a good dose of Ex-lax to loosen you up. Yeah, just go sit on the pot and relax.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
It stinks, it's dripping with grease, and it makes me want to take a dump in every last car you got. I'm gonna pee on your counter, I'm gonna do it all.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Oh no! And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And wash 'em down with a tall glass of chocolate milk. A month later, when we got a craving for them again, all we had to do was pull some extra we'd saved out of the freezer!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Ever. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. Sometimes he would laugh, thinking how now the Betty Mafia could never get him. Ever. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
"I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits. What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Laughing, we walked off down the sidewalk, leaving the mess for somebody else to clean up. The shopkeeper couldn't believe it! What was happening?!! Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store!
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop. Then you do it again with a bigger stick. You continue this until you're an ultimate ninja, and we will all thumb our noses at you, because your strength will be like a river, rushing along pell mell with not a backward glance, gleefully heading for a sure collision with that wall!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
What a challenge! There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks. exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???"
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
The sky turned white with all the exhaust plumes from the nuclear-armed missiles, and soon they found the hidden treasure!