Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel. Whee! Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
I looked around but didn't see anyone. I put the menu down slowly, got up and stepped outside into the glorious sunshine!
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
He had an entourage of elves all singing "Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus!!" Much to my surprise, he was driving a golf cart outfitted with giant boom boxes. Everyone slapped their hands over their ears, and when he got close to them, they froze in shock, speechless with awe.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw. For some reason, security had been increased overnight by a factor of 10.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Don't they realize the dishwasher is broken and look at all these dirty dishes! Plus I have a bandaged hand because I cut myself with a rusty barbecue smoker borrowed from a neighbor.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
But it was all Mannheim Steamroller covers, so we didn't mind. They immediately began playing their trademark heavy metal rock music. But it was all Mannheim Steamroller covers, so we didn't mind.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
But chocolate is chocolate, and I had earned it. As I licked my fingers clean, I wondered did I still need to wash them before I played Clash of Clans on my phone? Eh, it'll be all right. So I just went ahead and played, but later I regretted that trolling.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
who knew when it would be time to refill my soda cup? I knew. It was right now!
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
With windblown hair and feet planted firmly on the foam-washed rocks, one of them gazed out at the surf and said, "Thanks to all of our diligent analysis, the administration of this plan will assure the survival of humanity for many generations!"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
On a day when it's rainy and stormy all day, that's the best kind of day to just relax in your favorite chair, read a book and take a nap. But be sure that the nap is not too long, because if it is too long it will make you fall asleep. I barely got 30 pages into Atlas Shrugged." He then went back to playing his video game, and I was left to my own devices as far as getting the electricity going again in the house.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Please, help yourself to another cup of egg nog. Now have a seat and relax.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod. Luckily it was activated already, so the geiger counter started a vigorous ticking. It was a little scary, thinking how many cosmic rays might be whizzing all around us.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It must be like that old saying, "out of sight, out of Tums! Just thinking about that garage is tying my gut in knots! I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Certainly the smells there would be delightful! Wow! Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs?? But this is an important decision, so I'll keep thinking. There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Eventually we ran out of mushroom booze. Granted, the stuff makes you hallucinate, but it tastes like liquid gold.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
But here's another question: if you've named a mouse Milo, can you ever set out a mousetrap for him?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
If you need ANYthing, just ask me, and I will refer you to my friend: Chuck Norris." He tapped his conductor's rod on the podium, and then, when he was sure he had their attention, he said, "I am the Big Cheese around here. If you need ANYthing, just ask me, and I will refer you to my friend: Chuck Norris."
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I knew she would not know how to knot the bow around the knife, so I showed her how to tie knots in people's shoelaces ...joined...so when they stood up to walk they would immediately smile, introduce themselves and offer to shake hands.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Ain't that something! We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road. That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
If you put the cheese on last, the vegetables will get sour and moldy if you leave them out of the frig too long. Why don't you decide what you are going to do with them? For starters, you could have salad, breadsticks, or everyone's favorite--stuffed mushrooms!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Each group had to write an essay explaining the best way for the REST of the groups to be enthusiastic. This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm."
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Of course there will be a need for towels to wipe up the floor after the shaving cream fight! Of course Xander won because he had the best aim, and because he also had the best laundry hamper in the whole building, word got around and students were constantly knocking on his door to see it!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
The AC had quit and it was stifling hot. So holding my head down, on it I sprayed menthol, and a bit of mint-scented oil. The immediate effect was the perspiration started evaporating and I felt so cool! So cool that that I had to put on a show to impress the neighbors.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use. For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
The last time that happened, everything ended up pink. So, now we pre-treat the stains with a solution of water and detergent. Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Would we be even able to get out of the house?? We went to look for the snow shovel, but instead found the manhole cover that had been lost for two months!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
GET back in that X-ray machine! You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane. Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it."
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist. Now what?! I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger. It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
That should really help because my nose would not stop running. How annoying. I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!" The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning. I had to wait about two weeks. Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink !
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Horrible ! How did they get there? !! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables. The odor of it all made me swell with joy.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Unfortunately, just at the last second, I slipped in the mud and slid right into a big pile of manure.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
It was amazing to watch. Mesmerized by the sight, we found a place to sit down quietly and stared intently at the small entrance.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
How peaceful and pretty. But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
You need to remember: it's candy, candy canes, candy corns, and the last of the four main food groups: I cannot even remember because they keep changing the pyramid. Who cares anyway as long as you get enough Vitamin D. But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Another important thing to think about is how are you going to protect your phone from accidental impacts?
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
When you're buying tickets for entertainment purposes, it's best if you just ignore this storyline because it does not have one. Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman! He was known for being obnoxious to the nth degree.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I am sure I lost some. We want to make our own peanut butter in our new electric hot tub.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me! It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt! I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me!
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! But he was nervous! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
THE END We found a parking space quite easily, got out of the car, decided to have a little snack consisting of pink slime, beef by-products, spices, and nitrates.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Then with them the children proceeded to make cookies to sell to raise enough money for Bonnie's bail bond. After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
When the crowd gets here, each person will be handed a bottle and with it they will proceed to decorate the room by sprinkling it everywhere: the carpet, the tables, the chairs were all covered with cat hair! Where are those lint rollers?? I am sure I put them in the sock drawer, next to the loaded gun.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Every new day is a new chance to redeem all your failures of last year simply by giving yourself room to dream of the possibilities. Sometimes all it takes is a little gutsy resolve! So anyone can decide tomorrow will be a new day and when you wake up, the first thing you should do is get an accountability partner.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
sign because the fuzzy dize were blocking my view, and unfortunately the odor was overpowering. We had to turn on the exhaust fan and spray around the room a big new can of WD-40. The perfect answer to our problem--WD-40 is famous as a remedy for squeaky hinges and cleaning away sticky gunk, but I bet you didn't know you can also use it for a lethal weapon.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
You'll be driving along and see millions of lights! They must be coming from Harbor Hills Drive!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
"We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet ! Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious."
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less! In a situation like that, nobody but nobody wants their oxygen tank to run out!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
"How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!! We have only so many square inches of skin! Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I handed them to the nurse, but she shook her head and said, " Oh my!!! What a garbled mess this has become!!! At least I was able to kill all the drop bears and goblins, well, sort of, I guess."
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine." Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang " Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine."
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !! I had come too far and seen too much to stop now!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Nearby there was a lurking police car. People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained. Smell that? It's napalm. In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
HEY!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
But was it distilled or well water? To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
This crazy weather had been going on for thousands of years. No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner. We heard a terrible noise and looked out to see a bunch of dudes sitting around eating beans. They were scarfing them down by the bowlful.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
"I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag. I was scared that in it would be a basket of fruit.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Now doesn't a bacon Philly cheesesteak sound good right now instead of an ol' plastic one. This is the time to break out the nice tableware! Your good china, your sparkling wine. We were just about to open our second bottle when suddenly, hot marshmallow started oozing out around the oven door!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Straight from the can! Deee-licious! Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
"Champagne?" The stewardess offered us complimentary drinks as bubbly as she was. Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO. That's not champagne. It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Perhaps I could store them in a large milkshake from Chick-Fil-A. While we were there we also ordered a pizza to be delivered but when the deliveryman came, instead of a pizza he brought a box full of chocolates. As he opened them, he said, "Mama used to say life is like a box of chocolates.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
With that out of the way, I decided to take a break and get some tinsel to throw on the tree.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Now we go shopping for NEW stuff!! zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist. Now we go shopping for NEW stuff!!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
This story is about a brown hat. Not just any brown hat, mind you, but specifically it was really a purple hat that was needed.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I need to know because who wants to be blind for the rest of his life?!!" I decided to get a second opinion. The new doctor examined me, and with a big smile on his face, said to me, " Boy are you in luck! Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing! After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle! This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres! I knew I had to think fast. ready! Let the battle begin!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
My garden was in sad shape. It had been neglected for far too long and as I rolled up my sleeves, I resolved to do something about it! It was just past the crack of dawn when I noticed a bunch of slimy slugs eating away at my petunias.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
over and over again until I could not stand it any longer, so I stood up and moved the cabinet of electronics components closer to the desk, so they'd be easy reach when they climbed down from the high cat tower.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them? Maybe it's because they accidentily stitched him up with tools still inside his abdominal cavity!
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I'm starvin'! I ain't had nuthin' to eat but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days! Why can't we have more toilet paper in here? Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards! Go away! I can't concentrate."
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
big scratchy boils on the back on my neck. I needed to see a doctor about that. So I took my cell phone and quickly dialed for help.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood. If you mispronounce something you could really offend somebody by saying something you didn't intend. and you accent the positive and reject the negative, and everything will always look better when you roll your R's, you sound right Scottish.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
We were so happy to get the job finally finished, that we proclaimed a toast to be buttered and jammed in her honor. It became the Christmas Toast. We put it in hyperdrive and watched with glee, when it started to spark and sizzle from all the electricity coursing through it.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It's so sparkly, it must be alive! I wondered what would happen if I touched it, so I did. And guess what happened?!! = It exploded with the force of a 1,000 thermonuclear bombs, carving a massive crater out of the side of the moon and creating a ring around the earth, which persisted forever and ever.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We'll be eating peanut butter and rice for a month! But it was worth it, because life isn't measured in how many breaths you take, but in how many moments like these, I lift up a song, I lift up a love song, to Jesus! In moments like these, I'm sure glad I use Dial.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
We were going to collide head-on! Quickly I reached over and jerked the ripcord, and my parachute cmae hurtling out just in time! I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Boy, it stank, but the flames reached to pick up a jar of homemade apple butter! I had to squint to read the obiturary, but I managed to make out "squished by a giant pumpkin"! I shuddered; I now knew why I liked pumpkin pie so much. I could hardly wait to get back home so I could start making trouble for everyone.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Is this a real story??!! What are you thinking?! = Waa waa waa waa I'm all out of cough syrup!!!!!!!! You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere. With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
There's no way I am going to invite those idiots to my birthday party so they can eat all my gourmet pastries were sitting on the counter, and I reached for the mop to bang on the ceiling. Suddenly it occurred to me that I could hook up my Mega-Blaster speakers and aim them next door! My payback noise will surely make the neighbors feel sorry for me if they know they've been disturbing my nesting South American hens.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers. That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
I pulled my Mazda RX-8 into the pit stop. The clock was ticking and I was snoozing! I'd better get out of bed and get going, or I'll be wearing my Dale Earnhardt jumpsuit. Nobody can match my collection of his memorabilia.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
It's a mirage! It's actually a water-saving toilet, and it cost much more than I could afford. In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It would take half the night to count all the coins! When it is time to go to the bank, I am sure we will NEVER MISS any of this stuff! It feels SO GOOD to relax now and do my yoga exercises! I am so limber I bet I could put my foot under my bra.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
and take off my lucky socks. I didn't need them today--I felt like I could take on the world! And I didn't need a stupid navigator to tell me where we were. I knew perfectly well that we were over the coldest part of a TV dinner when you get it out of the microwave is always the center part. That's why you have to stir it it up, and the explosion was so BIG that I had to dive under a cloud was his nemesis, in a sneaky holding pattern.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
The doctor sighed and took out the tongue depressor and inserted it into the patient's file. "It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years." "What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
For example, on the second level there will be a round hole, facing a raging fireplace. Maybe it was a bad idea to build the cat condo prototype out of styrofoam. Because seconds later, all the cats were fast asleep!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
It would be a better idea to just call Lowe's next time and have them do it - It'd be worth it!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I almost lost it - not only were there woodchips in my sandwich, but now my favorite electric tool was perfect for sanding the hardwood floor prior to refinishing it.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need. It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Or while ordering a big ice cream sundae, someone might conspiratorially inform the person making it, "I'm not in it for the ice cream, I'm in it for the fame! The adoration, the adulation, the accolade...ization.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Got your expensive Ginsu knives?? Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Uncomfortable at best, and at worst, my underwear felt 2 sizes too small. I could never go through the whole day like this!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time. You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks. I hate it when they serve me coffee.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat. Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
"Quick! To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away! What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated. Calmly, she answered, "I'm thinking if we ate nothing but lettuce and skim milk for a month we may look good for the St.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time? It taught geography, history, economics, as well as Bazooka Bubble Gum and Reese's Pieces. We could not wait to buy some, so we headed toward the fridge.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
The slightest amount could alter the electrolyte balance of everyone on the base! To prevent absolutely any mistake, we chose to consult Mr. Fantastic, AKA Dr. Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We gasped; no one had ever managed to eat much at any of my Christmas parties; they mostly just wanted iced tea. It was just too hot. So I always made sure to provide plenty of suntan lotion when we go to the beach every Saturday. We get there by 9am, but have to leave before the sun starts to shine again.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Then she got a large mocha latte and headed for the checkout counter, loaded with gift selections. En route, we stopped at Arby's to eat. Unfortunately the sandwiches were cold and tasted old. And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Now fix your wardrobe immediately!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress? Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot! Blue lips are not sexy!" You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Of course everyone knows in addition to trays of sugary pastries, you should add bountiful numbers of rose petals to your bath!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
First we set up out tents and dug latrines into which to put the daily entries, which should include date, grid coordinates, name of the person who found it, and a description of ancient Babylonian bones with the addition of old photos of amazingly preserved pies!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall! Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Now you may eat one Goldfish cracker. Next, eat some ice cream. This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
No worries about putting a hot dish on that! As for a hard, scratch-resistant cutting surface, I chose muraled tempered glass.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's 5:00pm! It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
The volunteer outside the curtain heard all the mechanical sounds and mumbling, and called out to him, "It doesn't work like that! You IDIOT! Where is your voting card? And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Were they delicious! Now I just want to lie down in the sun and dream about life beyond these four gray walls. He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot. Was it time for a booster? Puzzling over this, he decided to call for help from the adjoining nest, so they could quickly get the worms underground before the birds got them.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Boy, did it stink! It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket. I didn't know how to adjust the applause meter. Everyone seemed to be clapping too hard or too soft.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with? Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house. We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk. Being careful of the broken glass, I hurried to the comic book store to see if I made the cover of the new HULK SMASH! Maybe we could--whoa!"
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
Entering my study, I admired anew this soothing room. It was easy to relax in here.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
she said, " I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride. Look, I have the ticket stub right here, next to my prize-winning apple pie. Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
The newscaster all agog at such a statement, quickly stuttered into a station break, and the first ad was about a block away from the scene. As soon as they heard, they quickly lunged out the door, cameras and notebooks in hand.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
For dessert you get fruit salad sweetened with maple syrup (honey exploits bees). We don't eat meats! Can't you get that straight?!!
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em. he said. Boppy laughed and laughed. That was Boppy's favorite Texas memory! That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Which makes sense, actually, because the piano player had sprained his ankle and couldn't show up. So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I looked up, and towering above me was the Minotaur King himself. I shook in my boots, I sweated pools of gravy. "Boy, this is sure going to blow my diet!" she said, " Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China. Yes, that is a "must see". Also I want to swim in the Great Barrier Reef. I am sure when I am there I will see many architectural wonders.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Put the handcuffs on and lead me away. But first give me that first phone call, because I am going to call my partner. I have a joke to tell him.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
"If it was sturdier maybe it could've handled it better!" Clearly the stress of the situation was getting to everyone, but the bickering stopped when we heard a loud explosion coming from the outhouse.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
She shook her head, and replied "I imagine these dinosaurs are at least 100 years old. You can tell because the skin is so scaly and rough. Look how long the toenails are! Why they must be as long as a 50-foot garden hose! Duck!" he screamed. We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Let me demonstrate. (Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He filled up his gas tank and kept going. And then, birds landed on him! So he started singing: "Zippidy doo-dah, zippidy-ey, my o' my what a wonderful day just the kind of day for a hot rod race on the open road. Start your engines!"
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
The sun was sinking lower in the sky. It was time to start thinking about dinner. Luckily, Rosita's father had a good catch of fish from earlier that day. Digging a hole in the sand, they lay down some firewood. They placed the cooking pan in the outdoor oven which the Ruwandans had built with stone and layers of crushed bones were all that remained of those who opposed the formation of the International Village.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
You flamin' liberal French sissy. Go back into your cave and drink your cafe au lait. Next time I see you I will give you $20, but only if you can seat us in a better part of the restaurant. Otherwise, all the berets in the city are going to end up in the river!
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
So Xander hurried over there and ordered a big Mac with cheese and extra ketchup and Great Biggie Fries. cried Ethan. "Xander, you already have two, and I have only one! I want one more chocolate cake!"
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I want extra cheese on mine. What would you want on yours?" "A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!" I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Nervously, I looked up at him to see the whole congregation of Lighthouse Worship Center walk through the door right behind him. Whoa Nellie! The kitchen staff were in for some major shipments of hamburgers.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Hand me that application and I will see if you are qualified to take any classes. I want you to know that I make the final decision, so you better be on your p's and q's. So look me in the eye and tell me where the bathroom is?
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat. 300 mice died to provide you with that stylishly avant-garde attire, and don't let them forget it. Every time they see you they'll turn around and moon you, and I mean every time! They are so rude.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
This crazy Mexican food is flowing through me like a dirt river." I just must remember next time to bring more Immodium A-D. This crazy Mexican food is flowing through me like a dirt river."
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
"I have a better idea," I said, "Why don't you shnie that light over here? I am afraid I am going to fall into a dead end! Stunned with discouragement, no one spoke for a few moments. "I wish we had a stereo.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
And when we get there I will buy some sense, and gift-wrap it and give it to you! What were you thinking when you used your peanut butter sandwich as a bookmark?!! Now this book looks like a bunch of crap.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
YOu're an idiot. Let me out of here! I want to go get a massage now. I feel tense. There's nothing like a good dose of Ex-lax to loosen you up. Yeah, just go sit on the pot and relax. Ha ha Then you can tell us all about it: why do you have the irrepressible need to straighten out the tassels at the ends of an area rug?"
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
And so it was time to clean that greasy, baconbit-encrusted grill. First off, turn it on low, then squirt it with liquified meat product.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
I said, "Hot dogs? I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs. More people should be aware of the benefits of tending a garden and growing your own begetables.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Such is the power of the ULTIMATE NINJA. And again what is that POWER? It is the power of the universe! The power that enables the ULTIMATE NINJA to unleash hundreds if not thousands of punches and kicks upon any who opposed him.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Unless they're going down. In which case, he proceeded to sweep up all the ticker tape from the Exchange floor.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Oh no! It is headed for a crash! Unable to steer, her frustration at the malfunction gave way to panic as the obstacle loomed ahead, a giant miasmic mix of sulfuric and methane gases, swirling, boiling, reaching out for the next great leader in the cataclysmic battle for galactic supremacy.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Lord Elsington exclaimed. But Barrister denied that his client had done any real wrong. The prosecutor, Miss Na Tasha scrambled up fuming. She dove at Barrister with claws extended. The fur did fly.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Unfortunately, the force of it caused an explosion of monumental proportions! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks. exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???"
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Now, long gone would be the pain. How he remembered when he had broken his wrist playing badmitton with an orc. Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR!