Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself. Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time? I looked at the clock, and suddenly realized! It's summer! That must explain why we always want to have a picnic with friends and family.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
No one was able to react in time, and it landed, with a hollow skitter-clatter, on the tile floor, impossibly unbroken. There was a collective exhale and then an immediate inhale, because the last thing we wanted was a fainting crowd! But there truly was a big sigh of relief followed by the idea of shoring up the outer wall with bits of furniture and old crates.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
How should I feel? I chose to feel enraged and offended. I pulled out one of my several protest signs and started swinging it like a battle axe. The nearest bystander had to duck, to avoid being hit by a flying chocolate cream pie which had been lovingly prepared by Gordon Ramsay, who proceeded to blow his top and go on a profanity-filled tirade when he saw one of the customers use a dessert spoon when he was supposed to use a soup spoon.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Most people's mud rooms have a bench where you can sit down and take off your muddy boots before you go into the house. This one, for as-yet unclear reasons, had a duffel bag filled to bursting with arms and ammunition. We were concerned, to say the least, but we couldn't deny that the in-flight safety briefing was really funny, even funnier than some of the Southwest Airlines ones we saw on Youtube.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread! and gobs of dripping fat. What to do? Hurry!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice. Their leader placed a salmon-pink square of floral embroidery on the table, her nails clacking the hard surface like the snap of a rib.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
There must be a faster way! But I just kept scrubbing with the bar of grit and learned online, I should be using my reading glasses. I thought the title of this story was "Trolling at 3am", so I went on the interwebs and collected the most toxic posts I could find, and I mixed them all together into a steaming hot mess, but unfortunately they didn't balance.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Suddenly, from the dark, something caught their attention. Glittering like a jewel, the stream disappeared into the woods to their left.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Sometimes I had to open a can of sardines! I pulled back the lid and the smell was questionable, like peanut butter mixed with half and half and a dollop of warm heavy cream.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
He flexed mightily, showing off the lightning bolt tattoos on his bulging biceps, and the crowd got even louder, if that were possible.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
In advance of your gift-wrapping day, make a list of who gave what so I could send them a thank you note. With each note I could include a handmade gift tag to indicate who it's from-and-to, but instead I'd really rather use this stick of dynamite!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer! You can bring a few bottles!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
They were not even rusty! We tried and tried to pull them out, but we had woven that basket so tightly, they were firmly stuck. The only solution we could think of was to cut the rope to the anchor so we could drift away from the whirlpool...hopefully. We rowed with all our might and soon we reached the boundary between the dimensions.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
All those bank statements, etc., you don't want people to know your every little insecurity!" Well, when somebody puts it like that, it makes perfect sense. From that point on, I knew I had to block the back door fast because water was truly running down the hill and quickly coming into the living room where we were playing a board game.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
After all I don't want hands that look like a pair of sunglasses! How fun! And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby. Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then!
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
"There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm. "Stand back!" But Boppy exclaimed, "I can't kill it if I've named it!" No one could argue with that. But here's another question: if you've named a mouse Milo, can you ever set out a mousetrap for him? In his pathways, for him can you ever place a trap?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
I walked up to them and said, "You're so nerdy and yet so down-to-earth at the same time. How do you achieve this appealing balance?" They replied, "We achieve it by a combination of blister cream and bandaids. And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums."
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
The light was brilliant! So bright I had to shield my eyes with my hands and with a soft folded napkin lovingly wrapped around, I placed the tombstone behind the fresh grave, as requested.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road. That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
If you put the cheese on last, the vegetables will get sour and moldy if you leave them out of the frig too long.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
The word of the Lord came to Jonah: "Go to Nineveh and preach against political correctness and with great vigor. We are sick and tired of it. I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long."
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza! And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes. The matching outfits looked kind of amateur, but the makeup and wigs more than made up for it with Cherry Blossom Bubble Bath!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Xander didn't care since he had a trick to combat the roaches and mice that had invaded the dorm.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use. For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again! Everything is washed, dried, and hung on hangers!Woohoo ! The 5 colors I picked were black, navy blue, charcoal gray, gray, and maroon. There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
You could easily run into a large elk, arctic fox, or other similar sleds and sleighs, all designed to go really fast down a snowy hill, as long as they were not running around in their underwear as if they were about to take the Polar Bear Plunge.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
I tried to buy a burrito at Taco Bell with one of them, but the guy said, " GET back in that X-ray machine! You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Well, hello there!!! I've been ever so busy lately that I nearly stumbled. Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
So I thought I would work on that and turned to the person next to me, and I said to him " What were you thinking?!?! You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Pay for it with my Discover Dollars!! Woo hoo!!" It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Where would be the perfect place to put this bowl of fresh tomatoes grown with my wonderful compost? I think I will put it on the level ground. Last time, I situated my composter on a hill. I bet you can figure how that turned out. That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
!! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables. The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
We need lots of colorful leaves, and lots of dog poop which was scattered here and there in our ditch. Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Not only was it useful for safely snagging escaped animals, you could also use it for compost. And when Spring comes, gently layer it around the exposed dirt. The next thing to do is to take some string and weave a hanging basket. Be sure to make it strong enough so you can trap large prey.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Spray it with a mixture of epsom salts, garlic juice, and a little bit of crushed eggshells. Tamp down the tourniquets I had to put on my arms after accidentally slicing them with the trowel.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself!
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I also took my time thinking up a good password. too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman! He was known for being obnoxious to the nth degree.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Because you didn't eat your Wheaties or drink your whole milk. No wonder you feel weak and you don't want to see me when I'm angry. A better course of action would be to slap him in the face!
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch. It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21. Three rows of seven each. That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire. Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Then when all the cookies were gone they all got out their flashlights hoping to find their way back down the mountain, and all the time they were watching out for armadillos.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Sure enough, one kid was way too messy to read. on every paper except one, on which she wrote: "100%" She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right. She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I could drink a giant mug of that! And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise. It's good for you! It's Regular Ordinary Swedish meal time flies when you're having fun! Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
W.C. Fields said that!" I exclaimed. "OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line! My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!"
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Regardless, I put it on the plate with the other desserts next to the Christmas tree. Arrange them in a semi-circle under the Christmas tree, but make sure they are not near any pets. Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
There's just that nagging feeling that all the sewage is seeping into the ground under the house. So we went into the crawl space and lo and behold! We found a small box, sealed to be watertight! How did that get there? It has to be Vodka!
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
For a festive holiday fragrance, try cinnamon or balsam, but my favorite choice would definitely be soft amber lighting accented with rhinestones and gold leaf. Now that's classy!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor! "That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars. So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less! In a situation like that, nobody but nobody wants their oxygen tank to run out!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
You know people really need those for seeing underwater. And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Then switch it back to "on". Then I started flicking it back and forth rapidly, making the lights in the room flash like a cheap rave.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I didn't care, I was finally able to lift my shoes from the sticky coke residue on the floor, and I put them on top of the stack of 16mm movie reels that I stole from the projection room when nobody was looking! "Bwahahaha!" I cackled gleefully. "They'll never ever find their way outta here with all the lights out!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It looked like a convoy of Army vehicles. Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
They were everywhere! They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
He yelled, " HEY!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
So many kids, what else could she do? She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami. We could see it coming it the far distance! It looked like a gigantic tortoise, heaving up out of the earth. Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium. That's why he put all his underwear into zip-lock bags. Nobody wants strangers pawing through his underwear drawer.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I exclaimed. "You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
He had to order pizza to be delivered to the lab and the toppings were a choice from four: The four edible choices were BBQ beef brisket, chicken tetrazini, grilled salmon, or a Popburger.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best. Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
In fact, down on the floor in the far corner, I found a reason to live again! Now I'll never have to hunt for a tool again!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
I could only find silver of course. I took the strands out of the bag and placed them one by one on the shooting gallery. Kids paid $1 to take turns using an Airsoft rifle to try and knock them down. I kept this up for almost an hour before the store managers realized what I was doing and chased me off, but by that time I had earned enough points to get a prime rib sandwich free at WaWa, they were all out!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
That dern zombie took a chunk out of my arm and I can barely keep my eyelids open! The reason must be that I ate too much brains! I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Then out of nowhere we saw The Fly Lady! She buzzed right in with a big flyswatter and started swatting us on the behind. Clearly she wasn't sure what to throw away and what to keep. For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
But to attach them, we needed to use our most skulky ninja tactics in order to get the brown hat to its next destination.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
To calm him down, we tried to make the boys go to bed early, but alas they had eaten too many bags of ice for their swollen eyes. Maybe one day they'll learn to stop fighting over who got to choose the ice cream flavor. Well we finally got it all settled and the choice was Swirled Tempest of Flaming Death, the trademark attack of the zombie ninjas of Mars.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Boy are you in luck! Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions." Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
With a single punch, Abiathar managed to finish his mission and start a new one, which was to rescue a mad scientist and kill all the lights before he made his big debut. But just as he was walking on stage, his grand entrance was spoiled by inferior weapons.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
You could reload, jump to your feet, and with all my new armor I would be invincible!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery. But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
over and over again until I could not stand it any longer, so I stood up and moved the cabinet of electronics components closer to the desk, so they'd be easy reach when they climbed down from the high cat tower.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
I really needed a new line of work. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Bubbling vials, Jacobs Ladders, and incomprehensible surgical tools everywhere added to the effect. the spindly, gray-skinned doctor intoned. "I hope you have a good insurance policy, because you are SURELY going to need it!"
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
So I took my cell phone and quickly dialed for help. I was in desperate straits! As soon as possible, I needed to go really bad! I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
And et, und, et cetera. I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
It became the Christmas Toast. We put it in hyperdrive and watched with glee, when it started to spark and sizzle from all the electricity coursing through it. I could hear the whine of the power meter dials spinning. I could hear the sound of sleigh bells coming from the roof!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied! Now all that was left to do was to put a new CD in the stereo that had been playing all the music all along.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I had entered my Visa number so many times, I got a rubber stamp instead. I first used it to wipe my nose. I needed no distractions ,I had to be totally focused because of the traffic snarls, the icy streets, and the crazy dudes out front with the pots and handbells.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
I tried to hit the button to open the drawer, but it really didn't matter if a few pickles fell on the floor.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
They had to throw up their hands and scream "Eureka!!!!" Everyone turned their attention to us and the farmer (who was very creative about recycling) used old tires to start a bonfire. Boy, it stank, but the flames reached to pick up a jar of homemade apple butter! I had to squint to read the obiturary, but I managed to make out "squished by a giant pumpkin"!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
HAHAHA! You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got? So just close your eyes and whatever you do, don't think about pink elephants.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!! Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush. And when you go be sure you ask the customer service person there, how to install a low-flow toilet.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight. Stuff like what to get and what to avoid at the grocery, how to eat out smartly, and above all, remember it's not about a number, it's about how you feel!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board. And only I know the code to release them. Moo-ha ha! One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
stuff like microwaves and the thingies that keep your phone cord from getting tangled, but "cool" stuff like tie-dyed T-shirts and also lots of beaded necklaces which he wore around his head. "Why are you wearing 3-D glasses everywhere you go?" I asked. "I'm only doing that today,"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle." "Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
What a mess that would be! And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry. Like Confucious say, "Cat never full."
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I almost lost it - not only were there woodchips in my sandwich, but now my favorite electric tool was perfect for sanding the hardwood floor prior to refinishing it. I plugged it in and turned it on, but nothing happened. I just stood there for a second because I was so amazed that a ruptured gas line could shoot flames that high!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
well, you know the rest of the neighborhood will shortly know all about it if you tell her. Her favorite thing to talk about is how she's going to marry that new recruit that she met from talking to on the phone, if they survive the latest mission, that is."
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
This was my first day on the job as a new airliner pilot, and everything had to be just right. So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Bring on ogres, giants, even dragons, they won't stop me! Because I'm Mr. Moneybags, and I want more of your money; so invest in my new scheme or I will promptly sign your autograph with an elaborate flourish.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
We all breathed a collective sigh of relief and proceeded to dig in. Using proper table ettiquette, of course. And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!"
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
More punk colors: here, stripe your hair with this purple and this pink! That will make you look like Fonzie. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She was amazed, and relieved to know that her laxative would start working any minute now. She smiled and said "Don't use that cream for your coffee, because I think it is time to switch to decaf!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
The weather was balmy and perfect. It seemed a good time to take a walk around the deck and breathe in a lot of fresh fish!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
"Quick! To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
They enthusiastically ran outside and threw them into the washing machine! "Out with the bad (dirt), in with the good (smell)!" She shouted, to no one in particular. Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It's up to us to determine which way the world goes. With the intelligence we gain, not so good...That is the question. Also here is a good one: "To be or not to be?"
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We loaded up on sunscreen and popsicles, and took off! Beach, HERE WE COME! We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky. Why they were huge! They were as big as beanbag chairs!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas! "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff."
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
To help me, I want to ask Mr. Trump if he will sponsor our expo. we'll be able to afford all the makeup we will ever need. And big mirrors too. When we look into the mirrors, we want to see a little more attitude.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
How cute! His big brown eyes were gazing toward the girl relaxing on the park bench, eyes closed, gently rocking her head in time with whatever music was playing on her headphones. I thought to myself, "THAT'S what I need -- a whole bottle of sleeping pills!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again! Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect?
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall! "What idiot did this?"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!"
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Can you do better than that?" but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
We got right to work cleaning our whiskers after eating all those fish heads. Wow-Meow! Were they delicious! Now I just want to lie down in the sun and dream about life beyond these four gray walls.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
The theme this year was Election Year Falderall! We brought out the banners of red, white, and blue. We brought out the banners of elephants and donkeys.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry? He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I need to stop and take a break. I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed. "We can't go this way because the Hulk has smashed it to smithereens. Maybe we could--whoa!" Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
If we're going to regain any shred of respect we're going to have to take a stand! Together! I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
she said, " I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride. Look, I have the ticket stub right here, next to my prize-winning apple pie.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!" "Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
For dessert you get fruit salad sweetened with maple syrup (honey exploits bees). We don't eat meats! Can't you get that straight?!! It's been 4 stinkin' decades since we had meats! We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea! plate of tamales, burritos, and enchiladas! The only thing this dish is missing is my face. Allow me to remedy this gross inconsistency at once.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience. Then, the dancers to the sides move toward the center, and the dancers in the center move you must do a somersault, ending in a backflip, and still have enough energy left to do four running leaps diagonally across the dance floor.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I grumbled as I tried my best not to throw up. It wasn't easy I can tell you. I pursed my lips and grimaced and I then proceeded to back up. I just knew if I could get a running start I could make that jump.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I wonder if I could take them all home? For all of them I would need a room the size of plums! "Ooh. That's very nice," I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!"
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Where are we going? To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect. But I assure you I didn't do it. Please note how cooperative I'm being. Ask me anything. Because I'll have an answer for you. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it'll be too bad if we don't get these filthy jail cells cleaned out.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Don't worry, it builds the immune system. Although they change with the seasons, there are always chores to do inside and out. day. First I started washing the windows. That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
The sun was sinking fast and we were running out of battery power. Soon it would be dark and we would be in the dark with no flashlights. It was getting scarier by the minute, so we decided to resign ourselves to our fate. Surrounded, it was only a matter of time before we got turned into dino-hors d'ouevres.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap. That's the price you pay for neglecting it or using cheap stuff for fertilizer!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Do it again!" They chanted, pounding their feet in rhythm. "Oh, Kayyy..." I said, and I turned around to go again. There is nothing that is more fun than going down hill in a red wagon. Zoom! Down you go! Everybody out of the way! And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg...
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
She laughed. "There's nothing better than sitting around the campfire singing in twelve different languages at once!" "There's nothing like knocking the puck around in the light of the midnight sun!" She laughed. "There's nothing better than sitting around the campfire singing in twelve different languages at once!"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
"You must really like french fries! But over here we call them pommes frites, and we like to smother them with sauteed onions. It just doesn't get much better than that! Tell me I'm wrong! Go ahead!" She wanted to, but couldn't. Tears filled her eyes and she turned and began to run away.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan".
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Then you will feel 100 % better. In fact, you will feel so good that you grab a fire extinguisher and put out the fire. The Galactic Fart: with this fart, it seems like farts are stinky all the time. I don't know why I have to smell them when I'm in the same room with one.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I don't wanna got to Iraq! I'm scared!" the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I couldn't help turning red, and I quickly turned my attention to his corn dog. "You gonna eat that?" I asked, drooling. he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!" I whispered. a voice rasped. I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Almost as much as they like washing the dishes. And if you let him wash the dishes, he may notice the soap bubbles drifting in the air, and that will remind him of days long gone by when he used to sit under the willow tree lanquidly blowing bubbles and drinking his tall cold glass of lemonade, and he would daydream about floating on his back in the swimming pool, feeling the warm sunshine and cool water, relaxing while listening to the sonic booms from the numberless jets flying overhead.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
She whined. "Is anybody hurt?" I asked. "That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going."
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
FOREVER! But not to worry! Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game." We're stuck here!
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
While I was in there, I grabbed a plunger in one hand and a toilet brush in the other and ran out screaming! "Just kidding!" I yelled. "It's just a joke!" But it didn't matter. Everyone brought their posters for the big Super Readout Day. And they set up a display on the lawn outside the library.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
by Wagner, done entirely with a quartet of kazoos? screamed Bonnie, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MEDITATE WHEN YOU KEEP TALKING TO ME???!!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
The Horror... Oh... The Horror... I was busy fainting from the horror. Oh... The Horror... The supervisor clapped me on the back as the cameras flashed; but I didn't notice. I was busy fainting from the horror. Oh... The Horror... "I'm happy to be the one to tell you, you've just won a LIFETIME SUPPLY of Super-Sized Whopper Combo Meals!!!"
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
But not just any orc blood. The orc blood this recipe called for had to be room temperature. But they were cold, fresh out of the frig. Being in a hurry, she held them to her belly in order to warm their little wet bodies.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
In fact, you couldn't see them at all until the curtain of blood was gone. The massive and violent battle was finally finished. The weapons were lying in disarray. The wounded combatants looked at each other and said, "
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
correction centers where every day he would get to watch TV, exercise, and eat three prison meals a day. Sometimes he would laugh, thinking how now the Betty Mafia could never get him. Ever.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed. Count Muenster, along with the Earl of Sandwich, agreed to approach the Duke, but first the catapult must be reloaded.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
I looked at Barrister, and said, "Hey, let bygones be bygones and let's all go out for anchovie pizza." So I hung up on him. I looked at Barrister, and said, "Hey, let bygones be bygones and let's all go out for anchovie pizza."
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You continue this until you're an ultimate ninja, and we will all thumb our noses at you, because your strength will be like a river, rushing along pell mell with not a backward glance, gleefully heading for a sure collision with that wall!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks. exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
It was powerful. So powerful, in fact, So they went ahead and ran around the block fifteen times just to be sure. the time had come to eat a Burger King Whopper.