Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself. Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time?
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
I looked around but didn't see anyone. I put the menu down slowly, got up and stepped outside into the glorious sunshine! So we went to the airport and ironically, we were all so hungry we didn't care what we ate, so on the menu was was a Post-it note with the terse message: "OUTSIDE NOW".
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
he screamed. "Get out of the way of that rapidly moving ice stor' Have you no sense??" We then proceeded to wend our way through Wendy's, admiring everyone's entree as we approached the front counter.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Let's quit beating around the bush here, we're all hungry. I don't care how many steps on the recipe are left, I'm wasting away here. Now please, would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
It seemed to be working until he made a sudden move and it rapidly destabilized. The reaction spiralled our of control, detonating in a colorful blossom of chemical energy.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
We steeled our resolve and And? And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. It would have been a terrifying sound at any time, but hearing at 3am was the worst.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Suddenly, from the dark, something caught their attention. Glittering like a jewel, the stream disappeared into the woods to their left. Crouching down to drink, they discovered that the radiation coming from the ocean was off the charts. Something massive and unprecedented was stirring beneath the surface, and it was probably angry.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
I pulled back the lid and the smell was questionable, like peanut butter mixed with half and half and a dollop of warm heavy cream.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
True to his word, he pulled a variety of gourmet chocolates from his pocket and unwrapped one, eating it in a single bite.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
The jig was up, mate! We confronted him with rolls of ribbon, sheaths of tissue paper, and a carton of ribbons.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
For good measure he also grabbed a can of whoopass should do the tric' Nevertheless, let us with all due diligence seek to find a pool of water or a stream or something to put the fire out! Frantically, I ran, crashing through the woods. Countless branches were scraping me, leaving thin, red trails across my arms and face.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite. What a strange taste, like nothing we had ever had before.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Well you have to start somewher' Why not start in this corner where there is an unnecessary collection of used tissues. I couldn't discard them, because what if the Illuminati found them and extracted my DNA from the snot?
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's. After all I don't want hands that look like a pair of sunglasses!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Even worse, deflated balloons were starting to droop into it, getting sticky, like ponderous, buoyant doughnuts glazing themselves.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
So a crew of many students vigorously applied their muscle power and with great success, they snapped the toothpick in half.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. So instead I placed a couple business cards. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess,"
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy. And isn't that part of the fabric of life? Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
The cheese should go on first, though. If you put the cheese on last, the vegetables will get sour and moldy if you leave them out of the frig too long. Why don't you decide what you are going to do with them?
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, "
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Maybe some hopeful whiners and a few frowning judges. It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit! It was from the party last night!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
But he ran out of that, too, and didn't have any more newspapers to soupify to make more, so he started tearing pages of his roommate's textbook. The title of it was How to Win at Minecraft! Bonus! came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, "
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
That is, until the water hose sprang a leak! In fact,it was full of pin holes, or should I say teeth marks! The holes were obviously caused by a hailstorm. Serendipity! We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard. A neighbor said I was using up too much sunshine. Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists. "It's not real!" I shouted.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Your dearest wish come true." Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist! Hahaha! Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
What a day we had!! But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home. So, all's well that ends well, and we ate cake and pie. And I will build it out of lots of catnip and wine. What a day we had!! But Winter is almost over!!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it." With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist. Now what?! I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too? I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Apparently someone doesn't know how to use a manual transmission. It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now !
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Slatherage was one tiny part of that process, on an album from a band that's now largely forgotten. The General gave the latest Newsboys album on Spotify a fair go and listened wistfully for several minutes before mumbling, "They don't sound Aussie at all.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Yeah like that new Alpha Betty game, it is not exactly fun and reminds me of HAL, the creepy computer in that science fiction movie. Like the time when he says, "I'm sorry but your son-in-law has cancelled your phone service. We can start a new contract for you and bill it to the nearest patriarch."
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman! He was known for being obnoxious to the nth degree. Everyone was gathering into little groups to avoid talking to him.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling. I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek. The options were spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, or rigatoni.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Posed as if they were going about their daily chores, the garden gnomes banded together and formed a labor union. they cried in unison. They then proceeded to knock over all my pink flamingoes in protest and put arsenic in the birdbath.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I had to have plenty of room to make the icing made with butter and powdered sugar. Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon. The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
You have to be careful if you encounter one because You can't tell if it is going to bite you or try to hump you! Red clothes will set it off so, be sure to take the time to look around and enjoy the scenery.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise! I got my autograph book ready, and waited and waited and waited. I got so sleepy that I put my head on the edge of the elevator shaft.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I got yer new year's resolution right here!!" I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl! "Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific. For example, don't just say that you're going to lose weight. Say you're going to take a trip around the world !!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Arrange them in a semi-circle under the Christmas tree, but make sure they are not near any pets. Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Regardless, I put it on the plate with the other desserts next to the Christmas tree.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
"That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet ! Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
He then extemporaneously launched into song. he declared, "And it's dedicated to freezing peoples' brains so they can be revived at a later date.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels. Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Then she thought to herself: "I sure do hope there aren't eggs in that cave over there." And with that, the screen went blank!! What the hell?!?!?! What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game. At least I was able to kill all the drop bears and goblins, well, sort of, I guess."
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
They didn't realize that my excellent sense of hearing allowed me to pick up even the slightest nuance of sound, and my vivid imagination I never would have guessed she would DIE from it! I was so in shock from her death, I didn't see what happened to the usher who took us to our seats.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Seconds ticked by, a minute...two minutes. It teetered in the breeze. Just when the tension was almost too much to bear, the elastic snapped in my sweat pants, and I had to quickly step up the pace.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
A nice, hot cup of tea, flavored with garlic. I thought, "That doesn't sound good for breakfast." For breakfast I would rather have one bar of dark chocolate than ten bars of "The Star-Spangled Banner". Taking a deep breath, I pulled in my stomach, stood on my tip toes and dived into the warm swaying sandworms that erupted from the dunes of Arrakis.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight. You know it's the little things in life that really matter, so go ahead and get an associate's degree in plumbing. In will come in handy when you suddenly realize, "The whole time, I've been wondering which is better whole milk or 2%?
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
He gets into everything! One day he's building a house, the next day he's planting magic beans, the next thing you know he's carrying a pail of water up a hill ! But was it distilled or well water?
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Do they want to get punched? Do they want me bring the thunder? Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
A moment later, all hell broke loose as she screamed, "WHAT IS THAT??" "What?" I said. "I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag. I was scared that in it would be a basket of fruit. like a nice day at the beach with relaxing waves, shimmering sunlight, and lots of ketchup for the French fries.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
What if we ran out of food?!! Would any stores be open? I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!" Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
So beautiful. prrrecciouusss... Those hobbitses are always stealing from us. Those nasty little roaches were everywhere!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb. Don't you know how to do anything?!! This is the way to do it: First, stack up the ammo boxes you have scattered all over the floor.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
the clerk exclaimed, " You are trying to pay me with counterfeit money!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
We put them just where they belonged: in your face, boy!! IN YOUR FACE!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
The note said, " Help me! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face. It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Cheese again, not after the last debacle. That was something else. It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
A couple of these and you won't feel a thing! I should know, I use them whenever I am doing brain surgery.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Abiathar, the superhero of sunny disposition and ensemble, was on a mission. He needed to go up a level in a hurry! Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it. I then tried to decide what fertilizer to use. I had to choose between organic compost or that big bag of hot air, Joe Blow or Joe Schmoe or whatever his name is.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Melodic crooning by the likes of Barry Manilow were interrupted by a big knock-down, drag-out cat fight. Wow, the fur did fly!
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
I was feeling all ornery, so as soon as I walked through the door I was frisked by a big burly policewoman. Then she pushed me down onto a bench, and she said in a very loud voice, " Do! A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!" I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!"
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion. They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
I peeked around and suddenly saw that someone was peeking back at me! It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!" I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
I'd never studied a foreign language, but there's no time like the present for developing a smooth accent.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
I could hear the sound of sleigh bells coming from the roof! Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately! The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I will be bold and ask him," Where is the bathroom? Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
"Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, " Orrrder uuuuuup!" To which the manager, confused, replies, " Yo man, why you do me like dat?
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Then all the seeds and pulp I threw into the back of my Dodge Ram pickup truck.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got? HAHAHA! You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
The asteroid is too big. In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
'Cause we're going to need it for all the poop that is on its way. What were you thinking to feed the twins stewed prunes?? You know eating prunes will always cause them to cooperate because they want to buy combat boots in order to have enough traction to navigate the poop-slimed floor.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
I just wondered if you knew there's a bowling alley right up the road. It's really not necessary for you to practice at home. I think they're even open at this time: your mouth! It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That reminded me of when we went camping and we pitched the tent on the side of a hill: When it rained we started sliding down the hill and we landed in a cow patty.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric! Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Actually it sounded like a pretty good idea. So I went ahead and drank my own urine, since that was the only way to survive. Three days later, we were so thirsty our tongues were sticking to the plan. This is great news! At this rate, nobody's toilet in the entire county would ever flush completely again!
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
When I opened the can of worms it really did turn out to be a can of rattlesnake eggs.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Now the fun begins! The co-pilot thought I was kidding, but far be it from me to let him know what was really* going on.*
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
I retorted, "Yeah? Well you're a stupid head! And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, "
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man! I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!! If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo. Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Well, I did, anyway. She thought that the circular saw would be perfect to slice the ham and salami for our lunch that day - can you believe that?" I almost lost it - not only were there woodchips in my sandwich, but now my favorite electric tool was perfect for sanding the hardwood floor prior to refinishing it.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
This ain't no namby-pamby country club! This is taking too long. What's your point?" "Okay, okay. I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using. As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
After all, who would know that the slacker pizza cook would just put a smattering of cheese on my pizza! He even missed a couple spots! I asked for extra cheese, Cause let me tell you, I'm not in it for the pepperoni, man! Not the sauce!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
The studio kitchen was sparkling, brand new appliances, and plenty of brandy.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Why would anyone want to eat eel? It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter. We're going for a minimalist look here: clean lines, neutral colors. So what do you think?" I looked around before answering, noticing some men standing outside the window.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
He declared with confidence. "I can tell you suffer from it." she squealed, with wide eyes, "I just knew something wasn't right with me lately!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull! "They really ought to do something about that!" He shouted with ire, " Swab the deck, you landlubber. You will earn your keep on my ship.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts! When they arrived, his tummy was already started to gurgle. "Uh, excuse me, I didn't mean to fart in your face." Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
I mean what are we here for? We must improve our health! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind. A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
All part of a balanced beam that came crashing through the front door. Lieutenant Leotard and his gymnastic Cadre of Doom were attacking the Mars Landing Base. Bam! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
After he recovered from his coma he discovered he had a new ability: he had heightened awareness of a person's inclinations-- good or evil. It's up to us to determine which way the world goes. With the intelligence we gain, not so good...That is the question. Also here is a good one: "To be or not to be?"
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
How lilting was the music. It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas! I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Now fix your wardrobe immediately!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress?
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life? None of this makes sense to me. To help me I think I'll ask the bartender. "What do you recommend?" He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before stomping on the gas pedal and screaming out of the parking lot like a bat out of H-E-double hockey sticks.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?" And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?"
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect? Unfortunately as I quickly rounded the corner, I ran right into the forklift!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are. Then you'll look normal! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
should certainly qualify me to start my new house! I had already drawn the plans which would include 2, maybe 3 banks of cannons to blow away looters, marauders, and other human filth that would start roaming the streets if Kerry was elected president.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are. Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind." I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
All the other ants in the mound felt more secure with him around, knowing he'd been responsible for killing many enemy spies who had infiltrated his kingdom. But he would not be the next one.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Money money money. We took some of the money and used it for wiping up the spoiled milk in the back seat. Boy, did it stink!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Then he stuck a fork in an electrical outlet. This caused him to emit a strange growl-like sound from the base of his throat.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Little did he know, right around the corner there was Emil Blonsky, better known as the Abomination!
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride. Look, I have the ticket stub right here, next to my prize-winning apple pie. Look at it!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"Who did this to you?" They asked. "NINJA!" He yelled "Stop the presses! Stop the presses!!" The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!! What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
But anyway, they would go on to tell everyone at Burger King that they were being sinfully cruel to the poor cowies, and contaminating themselves with chemicals and hormones and crap.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
First Boppy left Gloucester and headed to the airport. On the way Papaw and Boppy picked up Uncle Greg who lived in a cardboard box that a bigscreen TV had come in. A little window was cut out of the side. Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
she said, " Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell. I noticed a stream of urine running down the side of the cavern wall.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's. What a find! I grabbed it quickly because I wanted to add it to my collection. I tried it out too. While I was whirling it around my waist, I started to feel nostalgia for the carefree days of my youth, once so far away, but now closer for seeing the whole collection of Scooby Doos all in one place was amazing!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
It will cause itchy feet. That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning. Now we are headed for the North Pole!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
The fact that I'm addicted to placebos doesn't make it any easier. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference. I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
I think we will have to plant some more right away! Here, take this bag of grass seed and scatter it around the dining table, in between the ham, biscuits 'n' gravy, grits, and cornbread.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
I wonder how old they really are. Would they be as old as me?" She shook her head, and replied "I imagine these dinosaurs are at least 100 years old. You can tell because the skin is so scaly and rough. Look how long the toenails are! Why they must be as long as a 50-foot garden hose!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
And if you shoot it with bullets, it will die. Let me demonstrate. (Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap. That's the price you pay for neglecting it or using cheap stuff for fertilizer!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Now she was getting mad because he wasn't answering her. He knew she was mad because she turned into a werewolf! Shreds of clothing flew away, revealing dark brown fur beneath.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"There's nothing better than sitting around the campfire singing in twelve different languages at once!" She laughed. "There's nothing better than sitting around the campfire singing in twelve different languages at once!" "There's nothing like knocking the puck around in the light of the midnight sun!"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I kicked the dude in the nuts as hard as I could. "How dare you expose yourself like that in front of her!" I screamed. "Why, I oughta punch your red diaper doper baby lights out! You flamin' liberal French sissy.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
And sure enough there was a Taco Bell right inside the store! So Xander hurried over there and ordered a big Mac with cheese and extra ketchup and Great Biggie Fries. cried Ethan. "Xander, you already have two, and I have only one!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
So we took wet paper towels and stuffed them in our ears so we wouldn't have to listen to the crybabies. We made fun of them because their farts were so soft and quiet. "You have sissy farts!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Pretty soon the whole parking lot was full of chicken nuggets! Hundreds of them! Crate after crate of chicken nuggets! "This isn't right!" I exclaimed. "Pops doesn't sell chicken nuggets! Do we, guys?" He chuckled as he called over his shoulder to the crew. They all laughed nervously because they knew where this was headed.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Some were nibbling jelly doughnuts and drinking coffee; some perusing the Wall Street Journal, and some were just livid that tuition had gone up again.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
And if you let him wash the dishes, he may notice the soap bubbles drifting in the air, and that will remind him of days long gone by when he used to sit under the willow tree lanquidly blowing bubbles and drinking his tall cold glass of lemonade, and he would daydream about floating on his back in the swimming pool, feeling the warm sunshine and cool water, relaxing while listening to the sonic booms from the numberless jets flying overhead.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
We had seconds to get out of our car before you make it smell worse than it already does! Don't you ever get tired of going to the same place for vacation every year? This time, why don't you go to the creek and wade in the cold water?
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And that's ALL I NEED! And this chair. And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!"
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
I realized this was a good opportunity to get out of there, so I quietly nudged past the jostling, shouting crowd, resisting the temptation to tear out the pages of the 1500-page unabridged dictionary and start making ragged origami with them.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Would you please go twiddle your thumbs while I take care of MY important business! You are so getting on my nerves!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Here, take this old spatula and whack the back of the head of any customers who don't agree to 'super-size' their combos." The manager handed it to me and walked off. I didn't know what to do, the meat had been sitting all night unrefrigerated.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
After that, self-preservation was only a matter of using his nunchaku in a totally awesome way, spinning them up, down, left, right, so fast that you couldn't even see them move. In fact, you couldn't see them at all until the curtain of blood was gone.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee. Now, I also want all your money. I mean ALL of it. Hand it over or I will give you a million dollars in exchange for leaving the country and never mentioning this again!"
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
They bathe in artificial dihydrogen monoxide which was produced in a laboratory manned by hyper-intelligent mice. "You see," Sam explained, "they're almost as good as human researchers, but they get paid in cheese!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord." Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
I need a break." So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Gromit, they are all wrong! What will the students do now? They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car. What they wanted to charge us was absolutely ridiculous. "I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump.