Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Hmmm... I think I would like some more lilacs, because they smell so good.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!! Get those steaks ready!!
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Here comes Santa Claus!!" Much to my surprise, he was driving a golf cart outfitted with giant boom boxes. Everyone slapped their hands over their ears, and when he got close to them, they froze in shock, speechless with awe.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Actually, it's an introvert's dream, this whole solitary isolation business. Nobody ever bothers you, and you have basically infinite free time. If you're into meditation, make sure you have a cup of coffee ahead of time so that you don't accidentally slip on a patch of ice and land face-first in a pile of freshly driven icy cold snow causing me to feel the need to call the airline and confirm my flight hadn't been cancelled.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
No, it's a word that means a tornado probably came though overnight. Judging by the debris all over the front porch, I knew the next thing to do would be to install a charcoal filter.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
I looked at the waiter and exclaimed, " What is wrong with you people?!" Two days is too long to spend driving. It wears you out and subtracts the pleasure from a trip. What you should do along the way is schedule a good amount of trolling.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
As the countdown began, the Kiwis settled comfortably back in their form-fitting astronaut seats and prepared for take-off. They had no worries, no nervous tics, and grinned at each other knowing they would be the first to land on Mars and start a Kiwi Colony!
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
After all, you get what you pay for." She shook her head and said, "That's not always did the cat treats work. Sometimes I had to open a can of sardines! I pulled back the lid and the smell was questionable, like peanut butter mixed with half and half and a dollop of warm heavy cream.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
"You rock! Love, Thunderstorms", it read in a barely legible hand. Thunderstorms was never known for his verbosity.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw. We gathered all that in a little pile, and then went looking for the all important matches.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player. I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open....
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Just thinking about that garage is tying my gut in knots! I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it. It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs?? But this is an important decision, so I'll keep thinking. There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
We protected our eyes and ears with homemade insecticide, made with vinegar, water, and a tablespoon of Miracle-Gro should do the trick I also thought a little pruning would help, so I pulled out of my pocket my pair of tweezers. I always carry them with me in case anyone needs them because they have a splinter or a tick or a stray unwanted hair, or in case they have a stray unwanted coyote wandering around, digging in the trash, chasing rabbits.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
So be very, very careful never to leave a trail of crumbs to your bedside! Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners. A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
So a crew of many students vigorously applied their muscle power and with great success, they snapped the toothpick in half. The table full of jocks nearby were laughing their heads off, but little did they know what was lurking behind the door of the Chemistry Lab... They all trooped in and lo, and behold, there waiting for them was Hulk Hogan!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
"Vermont?!" Betty exclaimed. "That's yankee territory! I don't want no yankee syrup. I may as well have this with a side of socialism and a hot mug of Bernie Sanders Uber Alles.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy. And isn't that part of the fabric of life?
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
For starters, you could have salad, breadsticks, or everyone's favorite--stuffed mushrooms!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Excellent! Now we're stocked up for some New Year's Eve stompin' noisy fun! Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music. Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
There were so many that we didn't know where to look!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Just put in the corners of every room little bowls of microwave popcorn. But the coolest thing he has in his room is a large, heavy anvil. His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs. Late into the night, the whole hall could the CLANG CLANG CLANG, the sound of rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Turn on a high-powered fan and aim it toward my neighbor's open back door. Whee! Now for the fireworks! I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive. When she did, she immediately saw what I had been doing, and exclaimed, "These nails look like they've been through a shredder!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I asked the head of NASA for advice, and thoughtfully, he advised me to spead the word about this legendary plant.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
And the name of it was " Your dearest wish come true." Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
I will call him right away and say." 3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief. It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco !
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Merry Christmas!" Or you can say, " Pay for it with my Discover Dollars!! Woo hoo!!" It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I think I will put it on the level ground. Last time, I situated my composter on a hill. I bet you can figure how that turned out. That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Working at NASA means I can afford to get deli bologna instead of the pre-packaged variety. The other stuff is OK, but it fit right in the charming neighborhood. The street was not too busy, except around lunchtime when my stomach was really growling and my co-workers I am sure could hear the embarrassing sounds of grinding gears.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise! We need lots of colorful leaves, and lots of dog poop which was scattered here and there in our ditch.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Tamp down the tourniquets I had to put on my arms after accidentally slicing them with the trowel. Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself! Then through a little crack in the sugary glaze I saw several disgusting guests on late-night talk shows.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
So I started taking classes on business at the local community college. I also took my time thinking up a good password. too smart for me"
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Then suddenly he came toward us and said, "I want my two dollars!" Panicking, I slept. Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Then yell, "Don't you dare ever do anything for you ever again! I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Then I added multi-colored sprinkles and a few well-placed dabs of icing. Decorating is the part that's the most fun.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really? The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
But he was a big fan of just taking a nap! But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats! But he was a big fan of just taking a nap! But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
I reached into the back of one of the cubby holes and found a mistake!" Well, she knew she never wanted the children to go hungry, so if anyone forgot his or her snack, I would gladly give him or her part of my granola bar.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl! "Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes! We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!" We are expecting at least 10,000 pounds of bacon being consumed at the synagogue open house.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line! My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!" So the next morning try again.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses. Or was it maple syrup? Regardless, I put it on the plate with the other desserts next to the Christmas tree.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting. That's my favorite! He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Each person has to pick which future century they want and they can also pick out what kind of simulation they wanted to be in during the operation. It was a long, intense process to add cybernetic enhancements to a super-soldier; one that would begin to wear on the subject's consciousness if left dormant.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom. My wife insisted I was being paranoid, but I had to be absolutely certain that the air conditioner would never break down again.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Now on both wrists I have to wear elastic harnesses attached to the ropes which connect to 220 outlets. This doesn't look good.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
But it was so loud, we couldn't hear the movie! "HEY!! SHUT THAT OFF!" I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang "
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Face down on the ground! Put your hands behind your back stalked a ninja! He was there the ENTIRE TIME!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Ted's day started out innocently enough, with his usual morning routine, but then, during his normally uneventful commute to work, a horde of zombies rushed toward his car! There must have been hundreds of them! They were everywhere! They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
In will come in handy when you suddenly realize, "The whole time, I've been wondering which is better whole milk or 2%? In the whole milk there is a lot of algae growing there."
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard."
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner. We heard a terrible noise and looked out to see a bunch of dudes sitting around eating beans. They were scarfing them down by the bowlful. Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
"What?" I said. "I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag. I was scared that in it would be a basket of fruit. like a nice day at the beach with relaxing waves, shimmering sunlight, and lots of ketchup for the French fries.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I know when I hear that sound, it means someone's at the door. And just my luck, I'm right in the middle of a shower! But what if it's important? What if we ran out of food?!!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Straight from the can! Deee-licious! Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender. Ooops! I forgot to put on the lid! All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Now he has great breath! (Muhahahaha) He also has another present hidden in the glove box of his car. Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
To begin with you need a plan and some money for new shelves. Not just any shelves, but the kind that are made of old rotten athletic shoes. I had dozens of them, piled everywhere!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
"Eat my dust, turkeys!" I yelled out the window as the car shot out of the stocking which was hanging on the mantle.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
That dern zombie took a chunk out of my arm and I can barely keep my eyelids open! The reason must be that I ate too much brains! I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser. So then we started to use the snow shovel to pick up all the piles of fly poop FlyLady was leaving everywhere.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face. It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
It was really great to see how much taller they had become. Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I decided to get a second opinion. The new doctor examined me, and with a big smile on his face, said to me, "
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He needed to go up a level in a hurry! Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I'm so skilled at 'em they only last a few days, max. That's why I have to soak my hands in hot paraffin every night. What a relief! Then the next day I am ready to open fire with my thermonuclear missile pack.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds! The packet I needed was still in the garage in the bucket next to the burning pile, where I throw all the weeds and pine needles and other detritus that needs to get burned up.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you!
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
I was going to need surgery. This would be the first time I'd ever been operated on. The note also said "What have you eaten lately? and these 2 lungs are the only ones you'll ever have, so you need to take care of them! And the best way to do that is to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible; otherwise the patient will ask for more Jello pudding than we can hope to provide.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I couldn't believe my eyes...it was a stack of money from the IRS, because I had overpaid my taxes not just last year, but the past four years as well!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
I'd never studied a foreign language, but there's no time like the present for developing a smooth accent. feelings of the Italians, who of course like to roll their R's and use nasal N's, like when they say Cinqo de Mayo they don't mean, "Drop the mayonnaise"; what they really mean is, "
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits. I was thinking Goldman and Sachs. I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately! The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I couldn't help but shut my eyes tight as our speeding car swerved completely off the prescription medication he had been taking to calm his nerves. That was a bad idea, because we landed headlong in a deep ditch full of soupy mud! I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
It's that time of the year again! We bundled up and headed for the mall. But before we got there, we stopped at Starbucks to get revved up. I ordered a quad shot espresso - only problem was by the time we got to the store, my hands were skipping over the keypad like a skilled pianist playing Chopin.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill! NOW!!!" But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, " Orrrder uuuuuup!" To which the manager, confused, replies, "
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
They had to throw up their hands and scream "Eureka!!!!" Everyone turned their attention to us and the farmer (who was very creative about recycling) used old tires to start a bonfire.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
HAHAHA! You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got? So just close your eyes and whatever you do, don't think about pink elephants. HAHAHA! You thought of pink elephants!!!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
You cannot leave the classroom until you have erased all your data, then you get to start all over!! HA! Now take this CD and put it where the sun don't shine - cuz you're never gonna pass this course anyway.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Today's show is brought to you by Squeesitout Pimple Cream! Make sure all your teenagers have a good supply, and are wearing this new hairnet. We all know that sanitation is very low priority around here, which is why your show is on suspension!" exclaimed Kent.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
I think they're even open at this time: your mouth! It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!"
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
We might find some interesting local folks to talk to. They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil. All the monounsaturated oil made it count!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
What! It's a mirage! It's actually a water-saving toilet, and it cost much more than I could afford. In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Stuff like what to get and what to avoid at the grocery, how to eat out smartly, and above all, remember it's not about a number, it's about how you feel!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I think we may have flown into enemy territory! And you know what that means! That means we will have to try to land at the closest airport we can find! Don't be alarmed at a change in plans, just make your face like flint, give it full throttle and close your eyes!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said! Well, after hearing that, I was ready to sharpen all my pencils, and I discovered I need to go buy a new pocketsize spiral notebook and a black power cable.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
It had been a while since my last checkup so I figured I should go ahead and see about getting a prostate exam.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo. Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
She thought that the circular saw would be perfect to slice the ham and salami for our lunch that day - can you believe that?" I almost lost it - not only were there woodchips in my sandwich, but now my favorite electric tool was perfect for sanding the hardwood floor prior to refinishing it.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
It was a car full of phase rifles and doom grenades! the driver said. "Hop in and tell me where you want to go.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
I think we are going to have a very bumpy landing! Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
This was the lowest ranked show ever! To improve things, we had to make sure everyone in the audience got at least a taste, so we passed out portions the size of your brain doesn't matter.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style! How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
He liked good ol' cane sugar, while she preferred tea to coffee, it was good to try something new for a change, so she ordered a lemon cookie with her tea.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
"That's amazing!" He said. "Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors? How fast can this thing go?" Stunned, I replied "But it was right here! I put it there myself!" I was completely flabbergasted!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater. They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Oliver goes on strike, and as a result Mr. has to step in and crush the resistance which happened to be the shotgun-toting tomato, Bob. It's Veggie Tales: Garden Guerillas.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It was going to go critical! We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks! We were successful with ten seconds to spare and then some bozo struck a match...............
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas. How lilting was the music. It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink. Fanning myself and perspiring, I went inside to cool off.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
and buy a notepad for myself, so I can write down a list of people to whom we must send boxes of processed cheese and hard sausages.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
I just want to be sure to put my makeup on right this time. To help me, I want to ask Mr.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Ever get that vague feeling that something's missing? What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place. Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life?
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Give one to the director. Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall! Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes! Get out of the way!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day. To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
and this time, do it right. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. She shrieked.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
The volunteer outside the curtain heard all the mechanical sounds and mumbling, and called out to him, "It doesn't work like that! You IDIOT! Where is your voting card? And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Our day started out great. Before most of us even had a chance to warm up and get going, one of the scouts was back with fantastic news. The rain of the night before had stranded several earthworms on the sidewalk! We got right to work cleaning our whiskers after eating all those fish heads.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow! Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
After you do that, you should pull the emergency rip cord, hoping against hope that you won't end up splattered on the floor. Disgusted and demoralized, I bent to clean it up.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
He stuck his face near, took a deep smell, and yelled, "I know exactly what it is! It's American cheese that you saved to see if it would decompose!"
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed. "We can't go this way because the Hulk has smashed it to smithereens.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job. Well, one in particular. This guy looked like....well..Dilbert with a problem. We didn't know quite what to do. So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!" Insane with panic, I grabbed the blue ribbon watermelon and threw it as hard as I could at the red-faced perpetrator.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Hurricane Bonnie had wiped out all of the office staff. Without meeting the deadlines on the paperwork, dozens of suspects would go free!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
This meal should keep the average person satisfied for thirty seconds.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
What could beat that?!! Now to wash our hands. Let's use this Spanish-English dictionary to figure out what the heck they're saying! I have no idea how to get to the Transportation Museum. I want to see the Pullman cars again and sit on the sofas made from styrofoam and gasoline. Mix it up real good, and boom!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble. We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you. The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I asked the white, gristly fellow. He said, "I don't have enough money.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Ask me anything. Because I'll have an answer for you. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it'll be too bad if we don't get these filthy jail cells cleaned out.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
And I think I will also add some corn to the pig's food. They seem to like that. But they don't seem to care much for city folk. They were always coming around here, blabbing about how much nice it is up north, where they have eaten the grass right down to the bare ground.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
We looked up, and there was only one bone left from an entire dinosaur and it was broken into 5 pieces.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Oh yes, and don't forget the fresh-baked biscuits that were brought to us by UPS, the BROWN people. We helped unload the truck and opened the boxes, and inside we found numerous ants!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
You know, just like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home." That's when I know it's time to turn around and head for home. You know, just like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home."
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Her hair was blonde and braided into long pigtails which were wrapped around her bulging arms. Muscles rippled under the skin with even the slightest movement.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I screamed. "Why, I oughta punch your red diaper doper baby lights out! You flamin' liberal French sissy. Go back into your cave and drink your cafe au lait. Next time I see you I will give you $20, but only if you can seat us in a better part of the restaurant.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
Robbers had broken in to the Toy Department and taken all the Hulk Fists! "We must find them! Look the back door is open!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Sometimes they can be REALLY stinky! And sometimes they're loud!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I don't wanna got to Iraq! I'm scared!" the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I went up to get a soda refill, but this guy was something else! I'd never seen anyone look so angry! We were all so scared we could do nothing but stand in shocked silence, hoping he would calm down.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Hand me that application and I will see if you are qualified to take any classes. I want you to know that I make the final decision, so you better be on your p's and q's.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
One can never be too careful. For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat. 300 mice died to provide you with that stylishly avant-garde attire, and don't let them forget it. Every time they see you they'll turn around and moon you, and I mean every time!
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
We got strapped in, and moments later, a sour smell came wafting through. "What IS that?" They all wondered. Mystified, they cautiously approached the abandoned roller coaster.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
"I have a better idea," I said, "Why don't you shnie that light over here? I am afraid I am going to fall into a dead end! Stunned with discouragement, no one spoke for a few moments.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
I shouted. "Stay still and don't move a muscle. The sniper has a laser scope focused right on your forehead." I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
My friends said, "Quickly, turn off the electricity before she's fried!" I lunged for the power switch, but just then there was a loud explosion outside the meditation room!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
he said, "my boil just erupted!" The customer gawked and said, "You expect me to eat this crap?!!
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
"How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!" He stealthily lunged out from under cover, and they immediately began shooting 360 degrees around their location, blowing away over half the threat in the first 4 seconds.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Those were the only kind of wallets Greg carried around nowadays--genuine leather and filled to overflowing with Jacksons, Grants, and Franklins. He usually ended spending it on Whoppers and Big Macs, and he always said YES, when asked if he wanted to Super-Size.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
but its gravitational whirlpool had the power to leap tall builings in a single bound. Because of the low gravity, the buildings were very tall, so tall, in fact, that they were able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other. "So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals." "Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
But Barrister denied that his client had done any real wrong. The prosecutor, Miss Na Tasha scrambled up fuming.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Invigored with his courage, again he shouted, " and pounded his shoe on the table for effect. Unfortunately, the force of it caused an explosion of monumental proportions! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast. We're doomed. He spent most of the time talking about himself.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.