Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Where did we land? We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
You Yanks across the pond call them "cookies". But that's fine; ain't no thing but a chicken wing. So we can just go ahead and fry the hamburgers right over this nice fire. They will taste delicious, so go get the tomatoes, lettuce, onion, pickles, and jar of eyeballs.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
We stared transfixed at the huge, lit-up menu, offering a panoply of mouth-watering pies, sweet and savory. There was even food for the animals! Suet for the birds, hay for the deer, and for the squirrels, there was no end of torment.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
No one invited you to this quilting meeting. Scram." The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
This itemization for homeowner's insurance was going to take FOREVER! category for an hour and I wasn't even halfway through!
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
It was right now! I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda. I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch! As I held my hand to the hurty spot, all I could manage to say was I am ready for a real hamburger with all the fixings.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Well, I'm glad that's done. All that litter scattered everywhere! What messy cats.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
When is the pizza guy going to get here?!! If I have to wait any longer, I will have to make a point to go to bed early tonight.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
That thing has really come in handy! After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over. They would be so impressed with my new toy' When they arrived they looked at my grand display and with great enthusiam, they said, "
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Still, I ran on. I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod. Luckily it was activated already, so the geiger counter started a vigorous ticking.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
NOT THOSE!!" Exasperated, I loaded my shotgun. No more screwing around. Sometimes, only brute force can solve a problem. Locked and loaded, I peeked out the cat door to see what all the commotion was about.... Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Anyway I also thought Bill Miller's Barbecue might be a good place to work. Certainly the smells there would be delightful! Wow! Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs?? But this is an important decision, so I'll keep thinking.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
I think I will pick out a sweet little Donald Trump, the 45th president of the United States, wanted to meet Milo. All those Secret Service men! All those Body Guards! All those TV Crews! How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Who knew what would show up? We might even see a protest by a bunch of liberal snowflakes demanding safe spaces to protect themselves from being offended. Sure enough, I found one. I walked up to them and said, "You're so nerdy and yet so down-to-earth at the same time.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
HOW ABOUT A NICE SPRINKLING OF HOT HOT HOT SRIRACHA SAUCE !!!" That will make everybody want to go to the Alamo! Enjoy your time there, but there's more!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
You might even run into a zamboni! And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on?" And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Appetizers get people in the mood of a party! Other good ideas include Burger King, Wendy's, and Hardee's, if you get tired of having pizza all the time. Not me! I always like to sit down in a peaceful place to eat my pizza. But it is okay to have some background music like the theme music from the movie, "
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness. but then I realized he was listening to praise music on his earbuds and singing along.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs. Late into the night, the whole hall could the CLANG CLANG CLANG, the sound of rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
They were unfortunately unimpressed, and said haul that big garden cart over here! We are going to hose water into it and then fill it it with ice. Turn on a high-powered fan and aim it toward my neighbor's open back door.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." "It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Hey! Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Get cartons of them at Costco and store them in shoeboxes which were then shoved under the bed, next to the pile of slush the dog fell into! it was actually mighty spicy!! However, I must add more hot if I'm going to have a snowball fight, I need to build a fort!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Everyone loved the red and yellow ones. Maybe it was because their kitchens were so well-organized. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while. Soon, you will feel focused and relaxed and ready to go out the front door to my new life! So I put on my hat, opened the door, walked out on to the front porch, and stepped into a new suit!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The sound was like a cash register that would not stop....I had blown my budget big time and now I for sure must make a decision. But that's so difficult to do when your eyes are so blurry after cataract surgery!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning. I had to wait about two weeks. Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink !
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Spicy, meaty, and with a little hint of mint! Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from. They were holding handkerchiefs over their noses and were mumbling, " Aaahhh! and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I looked, up into the sky and there was shining the Blue Moon !! How peaceful and pretty. But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen! I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Then through a little crack in the sugary glaze I saw several disgusting guests on late-night talk shows. They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Another important thing to think about is how are you going to protect your phone from accidental impacts? For that, you probably want to consider buying a 15,000 amp generator. Who knows when another hurricane will come through or maybe an ice storm?
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
That'll teach 'em! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! GIMME COOKIE!!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek. The options were spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, or rigatoni. I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Disappointed and frustrated, I determined that the cosine of a right angle is equal to the length of the adjacent line divided by the hypotenuse. and called the cops, thinking I was about to hang a hippopotamus. Before I could explain myself, the owner of the garden center rushed over, alarmed yet civil, and insisted that I present certification from the county that I had been approved to dig an artificial pond.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Be creative! You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It's hazardous to do that because the TSA might take you aside and frisk you! After I walked through the metal detector, I heard someone say, "
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays! Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone! Why is the eggnog always gone?
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "Haha! W.C. Fields said that!" I exclaimed. "OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Just to be sure, shake it to be sure it's tight enough. You can be confident it is if you leave the presents on your friend's front porch who lives in the ghetto that they will be picked up by a bunch of charity workers. Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot. From there they will be handed out to homeless people.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
sign because the fuzzy dize were blocking my view, and unfortunately the odor was overpowering. We had to turn on the exhaust fan and spray around the room a big new can of WD-40. The perfect answer to our problem--WD-40 is famous as a remedy for squeaky hinges and cleaning away sticky gunk, but I bet you didn't know you can also use it for a lethal weapon.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
A new day! Full of possibilities for winning the county's "Best Decorated Yard".
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
We're doing an intervention." Of course, this was completely ludicrous to me because I always like to play solo and joining a team at this juncture would be such a bad idea that my Hot Pockets supply would be depleted, and I would also run out of a deep dark tunnel lined with spider webs and hanging from the ceiling were bats!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
WRONG! You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Video games are expensive, especially if you buy them when they first come out, or even pre-order them. That's why when there's a new game coming out that I want, I always get scared if I'm approaching a shadowy corner. I'm very cautious in that case because I really don't want for a dinosaur to eat me.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
SHUT THAT OFF!" I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang "
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Seconds ticked by, a minute...two minutes. It teetered in the breeze. Just when the tension was almost too much to bear, the elastic snapped in my sweat pants, and I had to quickly step up the pace. I'll never burn off those calories from last night's dinner at this rate.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great? Then you need to put your feet up sometimes.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack! He gets into everything! One day he's building a house, the next day he's planting magic beans, the next thing you know he's carrying a pail of water up a hill !
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Someone must have manually opened the seal! Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust. Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
I was scared that in it would be a basket of fruit. like a nice day at the beach with relaxing waves, shimmering sunlight, and lots of ketchup for the French fries. Heck, I'll order some onion rings too. And for dessert, we wanted Royal Crown Colas and Moon Pies !!
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
"How much for a deep fat fryer big enough for a turkey??
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Gasp! He had to get out! He had to order pizza to be delivered to the lab and the toppings were a choice from four: The four edible choices were BBQ beef brisket, chicken tetrazini, grilled salmon, or a Popburger. So of course I chose to close the lab for good. Surely there must be a better profession for me, like the job I just saw advertized in the classified: "Private lab time needed immediately for sensitive experiments.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
After 30 seconds (which seems like an eternity, given that we could still hear it breathing), we finally found our car in the parking lot after looking for 2 hours !! The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Imagine if post-impressionism and paisley had a child which then vomited onto a sheet of paper: that would look about twice as nice as this paper. But, it was all they had so I took it. On the way out, I accidentally tipped over the trash can and out spilled a whole bunch of jelly beans, which inexplicably caused an entomological cavalcade of roaches to march onto the counter.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist. Now we go shopping for NEW stuff!!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra. Things would really move along then! Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Then the doctor stood back in amazement, and with great feeling he said, " Your insurance will not cover this! Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence. Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
By then my blood is pumping, my head is cleared and I'm ready to spread the compost. Boy is it smelly! Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town" over and over again until I could not stand it any longer, so I stood up and moved the cabinet of electronics components closer to the desk, so they'd be easy reach when they climbed down from the high cat tower.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them?
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Go away! I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
As soon as possible, I needed to go really bad! I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air. It's not as easy as you think!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year. What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination".
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Is that like an appraizor? Come appraize my house, and bring your 5 clipboards! "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom. That restless sound soon reached the top balcony, where our VIP seats were. We could see the entire auditorium from here, as well as mink coats, diamond tiaras, and fancy tuxedos trimmed with mistletoe and holly.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat. She wasn't paying attention and drifted into the oncoming lane! We were going to collide head-on!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I had entered my Visa number so many times, I got a rubber stamp instead. I first used it to wipe my nose.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
That was more than enough to make some pumplin pie. We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
What are you thinking?! = Waa waa waa waa I'm all out of cough syrup!!!!!!!! You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean? "Well, not exactly..." I said.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
It's a little late to change course! The asteroid is too big. In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Believe me, your brain will start to eat up all your system resources, until you have made at least a dozen new entries. You cannot leave the classroom until you have erased all your data, then you get to start all over!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle." "Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end. The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
It's really not necessary for you to practice at home. I think they're even open at this time: your mouth!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Finally we were leaving the driveway! The car was packed to the gills with all sorts of gear for the trip: camera, food, maps, you name it. But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Bush! red, white, and blue streaks were all we could see of the cars! They were going so fast, the asphalt was melting.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
It might surprise you how much water you use just taking a shower. With all that water you could probably survive by drinking sand.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
And when you look into the mirror, you will be surprised to see a box of doughnuts on the counter! It's your reward for your great progress. Now go ahead and make my day!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
You know the old joke. It rattles. There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I didn't need them today--I felt like I could take on the world! And I didn't need a stupid navigator to tell me where we were. I knew perfectly well that we were over the coldest part of a TV dinner when you get it out of the microwave is always the center part. That's why you have to stir it it up, and the explosion was so BIG that I had to dive under a cloud was his nemesis, in a sneaky holding pattern.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member?
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee. But that's OK-- we can replace it with saline, or I can tell you about our latest experiment: something we've been growing in the lab.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
(Hey, I was in a hurry!) Besides, it only cost 89 cents. And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back. Muhahaha! They'll never figure it out! They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof. They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
As I prepared the next strip, I suddenly has the urge to pee. But the toilet had been removed!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I decided to put it in the garbage disposal to see what would happen. I flicked the switch and the loud noise that erupted sounded like a hundred termites trying to chew through the wall! Ha ha! I thought to myself, "Little do they know that the electrical outlets are installed upside down.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need. It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium. Your armor will display the insignia of your Marine squad, right above the eyebrow, and right below the lower lip there was a kid who wanted to touch my eyeball.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Just give me a second. and see right before our eyes the ground rushing up toward us!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
My first appearance on TV! MY own Cooking Show! The studio kitchen was sparkling, brand new appliances, and plenty of brandy.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style! How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
So here's the plan: Rent a storefront, buy some coffee beans, and to grind them, buy a big muffin. The bigger the better. The biggest I've ever seen. In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder. "Where'd you get that bean?" I exclaimed. She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat. Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Hop, hop, hop!" He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet. One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
"Out with the bad (dirt), in with the good (smell)!" She shouted, to no one in particular. Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce! With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Then the network switched over to the ads, which are even louder and more frenetic than the shows! in fact, the clothes are alive! The name of this episode is "Oliver Underpants". Oliver goes on strike, and as a result Mr. has to step in and crush the resistance which happened to be the shotgun-toting tomato, Bob.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It is a liberating feeling: not having to carry a wallet. Remember how heavy those wallets and purses used to get?
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas. How lilting was the music. It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
I wonder who thought up that idea. It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Of course everyone knows in addition to trays of sugary pastries, you should add bountiful numbers of rose petals to your bath!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
We arrived all excited to start our search for buried treasures. First we set up out tents and dug latrines into which to put the daily entries, which should include date, grid coordinates, name of the person who found it, and a description of ancient Babylonian bones with the addition of old photos of amazingly preserved pies!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I have no idea where the restrooms are in this store, and I need one bad! I need one so bad that I can't wait any longer for someone to help me!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Then you'll look normal! Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are. Then you'll look normal! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
All the neighbors' kids were stomping in the mud, making a big mess: so I put them to work mixing up the cement instead. They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
"For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear! Countering the attack with another new move, the hovering spinning high kick, he propelled his opponent across the room flew a whirling bat ninja right at me.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
And early in the morning, all across the country, the vote counters were ready for the squads of illegal immigrants and communists to descend upon the voting booths, there to wipe down all surfaces with antibacterial scrub. It was necessary because all the candidates were secretly communists.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
This was where all the larvae were stored, and must be protected at all costs.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Everyone got very quiet. No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"Who did this to you?" They asked. "NINJA!" He yelled "Stop the presses! Stop the presses!!"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Unless you want to die early! Add oat bran to your oatmeal! Add it to your yogurt! he said as he took another bite of his steak. It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
The only thing this dish is missing is my face. Allow me to remedy this gross inconsistency at once. With that, I began devouring the comestibles with great vigor.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
For color consultation you must see an Avon representative, you need some Cellu-scupt to get rid of those unsightly lumps of fat bulging unattractively from various areas in her leotard. But was she flexible? instead of actually performing a dance. So she tried it, and her classmates didn't know whether to be impressed or amused.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
"Why would somebody put that there?" I grumbled as I tried my best not to throw up. It wasn't easy I can tell you. I pursed my lips and grimaced and I then proceeded to back up. I just knew if I could get a running start I could make that jump. Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
There had to be some here somewhere. And then I saw it: THE most tacky lamp I have ever seen! Of course I had to buy it! It would be the perfect gift for my pet gila monster, Scalie. Scalie loved gifts like this! She usually ate them. At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China. Yes, that is a "must see". Also I want to swim in the Great Barrier Reef. I am sure when I am there I will see many architectural wonders.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
You'll won't do me in with that heater!" He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
And when you're done with that, go fetch us some more sweet tea. Then it's time to eat! Here, take this bag of grass seed and scatter it around the dining table, in between the ham, biscuits 'n' gravy, grits, and cornbread.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us. We quickly crawled to the police station and cried for help. It was deserted, but we found some newly laid dinosaur eggs. They were huge. Ethan wanted to make scrambled eggs with them, but Xander yelled "NO!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
They were everywhere!! So I grabbed a hand hoe and started hacking at it. No interlopers in this garden! You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Wow, the thrill of it, the wind rushing by, the steady loud purr of the motorcycle. Noticing he was low on gas, he pulled in to a gas station.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
He'll know what to do." We rampaged through the tattered remains of library for an hour, and finally found her yak! "There you are!" She called. "I've been looking all over for you!"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
But that's OK, you have to take the bad with the good. Paris was never known for good manners. All the Parisians are very aloof, treating anyone with a different accent as scum. For example, when I offered a little old lady my seat on a bus, she exclaimed, "
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
We had to agree it was a good idea. But what to do next? And where to go next? I think we should go over to the hardware department and we can look for some Transformers! The ones that turn into a robot and then into a jet plane and then into the Toy Department again to see if anything was missing from the shelves.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
So we took the flowers and stuck our noses in them in order to hide the poopy smell that was all around us. It worked at first but not for long. Soon we had to come up with another idea. So we took wet paper towels and stuffed them in our ears so we wouldn't have to listen to the crybabies.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
What would you want on yours?" "A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!"
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I was so hungry, and the food always tasted so much like chicken. Even when we put barbecue sauce on it. But then it tasted like it came out of the dumpster!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I whispered. a voice rasped. I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
They were always one step ahead of us, always anticipating a gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music. I listen to it nice and loud, and it rocks me to sleep, no pun intended! But the mice hate it. The mice also hate it when their fur is rubbed the wrong way.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
This crazy Mexican food is flowing through me like a dirt river." I just must remember next time to bring more Immodium A-D. This crazy Mexican food is flowing through me like a dirt river." This one has been a blast! We have had so much fun that I know next summer will be even better.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Hey maybe this will work out after all! So he took one stick, and he cut it into one inch pieces and used them to start a fire. someone complained, "You'll use up all our air!" But I knew she was wrong because she was always wrong.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Why does everything have to be ethnic? What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library? With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume?
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
I lunged for the power switch, but just then there was a loud explosion outside the meditation room!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
It stinks, it's dripping with grease, and it makes me want to take a dump in every last car you got. I'm gonna pee on your counter, I'm gonna do it all. Let you know how it feels. And so it was time to clean that greasy, baconbit-encrusted grill. First off, turn it on low, then squirt it with liquified meat product.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Being a ninja is more than just getting super pissed, flipping out, and killing people. Real ultimate power is attained by unrelenting karate chops to the back of the neck and across the river, with a single leap of his well-muscled legs.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Greg couldn't believe his jail sentence would be that long, but considering the number of his convictions, he knew he had jail time ahead. correction centers where every day he would get to watch TV, exercise, and eat three prison meals a day.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Is it programmed for a target?! Oh no! It is headed for a crash! Unable to steer, her frustration at the malfunction gave way to panic as the obstacle loomed ahead, a giant miasmic mix of sulfuric and methane gases, swirling, boiling, reaching out for the next great leader in the cataclysmic battle for galactic supremacy.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Sir Greg replied, "I think thou shouldst know that I am now a knight! No more slogging away in the hot wheat fields for me! Now I must needs go don my chain mail so patiently chained for me by Lady Man.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Miss Na Tasha was into heavy spitting, and Barrister had to resort to using a bowl of Grape-Nuts for a litterbox. Next, he pled for mercy before the court. Desperate he spoke directly to the jury, and he said with tearful eyes, " I really, really, really want to watch a kids' show!
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Standing in front of the new freshman class, the professor briefly studied each face. On some he saw expectation, on others he saw apprehension. But on one particular face he saw himself! The similarity was remarkable!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
So when she walked into the coffee shop, she immediately put down her heavy backpack.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke.