Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel. Whee! Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer! Will we run out of time to catch the sunset.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
We had a big job ahead of us: figuring out how to get in a vehicle fast enough to outrun the sun as it moved from east to west.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
There was even food for the animals! Suet for the birds, hay for the deer, and for the squirrels, there was no end of torment. Cats, speeding cars, rogue birds...the squirrels fought to survive every day, and had done so for centuries.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Finally! My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I don't care how many steps on the recipe are left, I'm wasting away here. Now please, would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The reaction spiralled our of control, detonating in a colorful blossom of chemical energy.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Yes! Believe it or not, there I was sitting on the brick patio unwrapping 20 old hard candies I found in the garage and scooping them out of the wrappers because they were soft...yuk, but I wanted the ants to have a big treat. LaLaLeiya was watching me wondering...
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Crouching down to drink, they discovered that the radiation coming from the ocean was off the charts.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards. With windblown hair and feet planted firmly on the foam-washed rocks, one of them gazed out at the surf and said, "Thanks to all of our diligent analysis, the administration of this plan will assure the survival of humanity for many generations!"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
My grandfather used to stand in the doorway and watch them as he listened to the roar of the crowd and the empassioned shouting of the MC as the local wrestling favorite, "Thunderstorms", vaulted into the ring. He flexed mightily, showing off the lightning bolt tattoos on his bulging biceps, and the crowd got even louder, if that were possible.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Good king Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephen!" The entire room erupted in song! We raised our glasses and forgot all about the present wrapping, and joined in with singing and dancing.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
I know I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, also while we are here, I would like to have a picnic! Yeah! I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I was so afraid to look. I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod. Luckily it was activated already, so the geiger counter started a vigorous ticking. It was a little scary, thinking how many cosmic rays might be whizzing all around us.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Well, when somebody puts it like that, it makes perfect sense. From that point on, I knew I had to block the back door fast because water was truly running down the hill and quickly coming into the living room where we were playing a board game.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
"Remember, the customer doesn't know what they want to buy. You have to tell them." The lecture continued for a few hours, until finally the sinks were all full of nice hot soapy water all ready for me to wash! But first, all I need for preparation is clean fingernails and a big smile.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I got concerned so I called animal control services. When they arrived, they quickly put the fire out that was creeping toward the stump grass.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Out of the portal emerged several large rats, which actually could have been bald squirrels, but anyway, seeing them made me think, " I really need a new pet. Hmmm... I think I will pick out a sweet little Donald Trump, the 45th president of the United States, wanted to meet Milo.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
There, I was greeted by a flock of trained roadrunners! As a group, they ran ahead to lead me, looking behind every so often to be sure no roadrunners were following us.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
"What kind of restaurant is this?!" I yelled. "What are we supposed to sprinkle on our tacos, for crying out loud?! HOW ABOUT A NICE SPRINKLING OF HOT HOT HOT SRIRACHA SAUCE !!!" That will make everybody want to go to the Alamo! Enjoy your time there, but there's more! Right across the street was a dog kennel for stray dogs of all sizes.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road. That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Sugar cookie crust with strawberries, kiwi fruit, pineapple all arranged in a pattern of pleasing proportions.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
but then I realized he was listening to praise music on his earbuds and singing along. Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, " BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?!" WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO! WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?!" Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say,"
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Oh well, at least the green bar of soap was not down to a sliver yet, and the roommate had brought his own pile of funky smelling shoes. Xander didn't care since he had a trick to combat the roaches and mice that had invaded the dorm.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Smashing chairs, flipping over tables, drinking liquor after drinking beer, queuing up Taylor Swift songs on the jukebox, it was complete bedlam. That is, until the water hose sprang a leak! In fact,it was full of pin holes, or should I say teeth marks!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use?? No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
What were you thinking?!! You know those men in your house don't want to wear pink underwear when I had to go to the locker room at the gym! I was so irritated because the water would not go out of the washer! Was I going to have to dip it out by hand?
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces. We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket." These are handy to have around & have many uses. The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco !
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I was ready to start my new life! Confronted with a mob of irritated neighbors, I ran back into the house and packed! I was ready to start my new life! Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Where would be the perfect place to put this bowl of fresh tomatoes grown with my wonderful compost? I think I will put it on the level ground. Last time, I situated my composter on a hill.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Leaning in close, she could see tiny maggots ! Horrible ! How did they get there? !! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
When I looked into the tub a few minutes later, much to my amazement I saw the tomato vine growing taller & taller right before my eyes! I looked, up into the sky and there was shining the Blue Moon !!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it. Why then would you not want that? Obviously, life would be easier with a million bucks.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas ! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
That is a perfect recipe for thin crust Pizza a la Greg. Who want a piece? Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt! I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me! Afterwards, I took some oil and rubbed it on my arms to keep away the mosquitoes. It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt!
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Red clothes will set it off so, be sure to take the time to look around and enjoy the scenery. You will see gigantic rocks like you have never seen before!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
His authoritative tone irked me, so I took particular care in minding who was sitting next to me.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
You would need a pulsed X-ray laser to measure that time frame! It could also measure each kid to make sure the desks were the right size. Sure enough, one kid was way too messy to read. on every paper except one, on which she wrote: "100%" She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I could drink a giant mug of that! And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise. It's good for you! It's Regular Ordinary Swedish meal time flies when you're having fun! Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes. and drizzle them with Sriracha hot sauce!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Just to be sure, shake it to be sure it's tight enough. You can be confident it is if you leave the presents on your friend's front porch who lives in the ghetto that they will be picked up by a bunch of charity workers. Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts! He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us. And we soon had enough to make brownies with. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts!
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
I exclaimed. "I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER." I stared quizzically at Vladimir Putin, who was in turn staring intensely at a full-size horse and licking his lips.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet !
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Soon afterwards, the mead hall exploded, fat orange cheese wheels spilling through the shattered wooden walls by the score. Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance. Soon afterwards, the mead hall exploded, fat orange cheese wheels spilling through the shattered wooden walls by the score.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts. WRONG! You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
That would probably hurt. It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I cackled gleefully. "They'll never ever find their way outta here with all the lights out! The whole theater is completely dark, and the ushers are busily passing out fliers advertising a competing movie theater!"
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
With their unorthodox approach, they gathered exotic plants from the Amazon Rainforest, pulverized them and mixed them with liquid kale, because it's so good for you! Do you know what else is good for a scratchy throat?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call the plumber! This is a job for a professional! Do not try to eat beans that have not been cooked long enough.. They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed. The remedy for that is to be totally relaxed, have warm socks on your feet, and be ready to tackle the quarterback!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests! Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
The odor was horrific, so bad in fact that they turned up the thermostat. she whined as she tugged her jacket tigher around herself. This crazy weather had been going on for thousands of years. No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner. We heard a terrible noise and looked out to see a bunch of dudes sitting around eating beans.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
A moment later, all hell broke loose as she screamed, "WHAT IS THAT??" "What?" I said. "I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag. I was scared that in it would be a basket of fruit.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
This is the time to break out the nice tableware! Your good china, your sparkling wine. We were just about to open our second bottle when suddenly, hot marshmallow started oozing out around the oven door!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Then you will probably start to feel hungry enough to make yourself a big bowl of hot shut the hell up. When I heard that City of Heroes was in danger of shutting down, I got so mad that I slammed the door; the shock rattled the shelf and down to the floor fell a beaker full of precious golden rings.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket. There was a lot, but I managed to get it all stuffed in.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
we are doomed...... They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed......
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
She buzzed right in with a big flyswatter and started swatting us on the behind. Clearly she wasn't sure what to throw away and what to keep. For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser. So then we started to use the snow shovel to pick up all the piles of fly poop FlyLady was leaving everywhere.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
I got on the internet and ordered one from this company called " The Joke's on You, LLC." They specialize in sneaky stuff like letting the air out of the sweatband of the hat where I found a secret note!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Within moments they were fast asleep, and I was able to turn flips so fast that we could not keep our eyes focused; nor could we show our face in Chuck E. Cheese again, not after the last debacle. That was something else. It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
After spending most of my life looking through corrective plastic lenses, I'd finally decided to take the plunge and get laser eye surgery.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds! The packet I needed was still in the garage in the bucket next to the burning pile, where I throw all the weeds and pine needles and other detritus that needs to get burned up.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town"
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
the spindly, gray-skinned doctor intoned. "I hope you have a good insurance policy, because you are SURELY going to need it!" This bold statement caused a huge increase in his medical malpractice insurance premiums.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it. They wouldn't see me here. I peeked around and suddenly saw that someone was peeking back at me! It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Just kidding, of course, but who knows, you may end up in Swaziland, in a dark jungle, surrounded by insipid but angry Frenchmen frothing epithets at us proudly patriotic Americans.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph. Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Confused, I said, " Please don't eat me! I promise to stay out of your way, and believe me, you'll never know that I used a degreazor!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Where is the bathroom? Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
That was more than enough to make some pumplin pie. We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got? HAHAHA! You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
We all know that sanitation is very low priority around here, which is why your show is on suspension!" exclaimed Kent. "You can't be serious! I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!! Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
My payback noise will surely make the neighbors feel sorry for me if they know they've been disturbing my nesting South American hens. They won't lay eggs with all this noise! When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers. That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door! All the monounsaturated oil made it count! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself! What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It was going to be hard to get rid of everything before the sun went down. My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
But as soon as I stood up, my head hit the ceiling! and take off my lucky socks. I didn't need them today--I felt like I could take on the world! And I didn't need a stupid navigator to tell me where we were. I knew perfectly well that we were over the coldest part of a TV dinner when you get it out of the microwave is always the center part.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
After all, if it weren't for brainiacs, nothing cool would ever get invented. stuff like microwaves and the thingies that keep your phone cord from getting tangled, but "cool"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle." "Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
That will act as ballast, and prevent the cat condo from collapsing onto the cats! What a mess that would be! And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
So I went upstairs and screamed to let out the frustration. Then I went back downstairs and fixed myself a meatball lunch pocket. It was so good, I licked it again. "Hey! Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I just stood there for a second because I was so amazed that a ruptured gas line could shoot flames that high! It must have been 30 feet into the air.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
It was a car full of phase rifles and doom grenades! the driver said. "Hop in and tell me where you want to go.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Yeee-haw! As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning". immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment. After all, who would know that the slacker pizza cook would just put a smattering of cheese on my pizza! He even missed a couple spots!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference. (Crowd goes "Ooooh!) Also, I prefer to use a plastic spatula, as opposed to eating what you fix right in front of the audience.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
And a tattoo to match! and on the back it would say "got r00t?" Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties. We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos. And your hair needs more color!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time. You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Now bring me a mug of cold frosty beer! Wow, would that hit the spot!" He grinned with satisfaction at the thought of running up to that hoity-toity aristocrat woman and bumping her right into the pool. Ha ha! He could just imagine all those dolphins and whales jumping out of the water, so full joy, so full of lobsters it was ridiculous!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Captain Underpants was an unlikely here. He had super strength, could fly, was invulnerable, yet was about as smart as a brick. His nemesis, Professor Poopypants, won a blue ribbon at the county fair for producing the longest poop--a record hard to beat. But he was going to try anyway, and to practice he was going to crash!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
And I'm all for a healthy diet, but don't you think you're taking it a little far?" She just couldn't understand why anyone would resolve not to exercise.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
in fact, the clothes are alive! The name of this episode is "Oliver Underpants". Oliver goes on strike, and as a result Mr. has to step in and crush the resistance which happened to be the shotgun-toting tomato, Bob.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It was going to go critical! We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks! We were successful with ten seconds to spare and then some bozo struck a match............... Through the bursts of flames we just stared at each other and caught our breath, reloaded, and continued firing.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky. Why they were huge! They were as big as beanbag chairs!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
That would not be too hard, since I'd already decided what to get for everyone. So I got out my list and crossed everything off. "Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!" I laughed maniacally as I headed for Costco and their 750-count, 10 pound bag.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
She has the look we want. She must weigh close to 350 pounds. But that's OK. that's right... Perfect! She's a door. The next girl can pose on this poof chair. It is shaped like a high-heeled shoe. How mod! I wonder who thought up that idea. It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that!
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place. Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life?
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
I exclaimed. "The sites contaminated, and we ourselves slowly dying from some unknown ancient curse, it was only a matter of time before we and all our work disintegrated back into ancient history. We did know for sure however that neanderthals did NOT eat Chicken McNuggets.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall! Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Point out to me what you are choosing: to live a normal life, or to waste away like an orchid in Death Valley. Because that's where you are, you know-- but try not to think about it. It's counter-productive.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Running as fast as he could, he yelled over his shoulder, "I've had enough of this!" Even louder, he screamed, " GET LOSE!! YOU CANNOT COMPARE WITH MY POWERS!!" As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
What a prize! I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours. At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry. So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards. banner. It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
We got right to work cleaning our whiskers after eating all those fish heads. Wow-Meow! Were they delicious! Now I just want to lie down in the sun and dream about life beyond these four gray walls. He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit. If they aren't stuck to the upholstery. If they are, we can try to use a high powered spray washer with a jet nozzle...or to blow his big hair dryer over the towel-dried car, for a final touch-up.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
What blood type are you? You know I think I can analyze your problem. Can you give me a sample of your artwork. Our analysis of that will give us a lot of insight into your mental problems."
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with? Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house. We had rented it for just this purpose.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
"We should be safe here!" I whispered. We even tried to quiet our breathing, fast and loud from our sprint. We pressed our backs against the wall, trying to hide in the shadow of the titanic Doom-Bot, which Dr. Nefarious had unleashed upon the unsuspecting city.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
"You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that? Of all the nerve! Look behind you!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Why one of them was playing the saxophone, and the tune was " Thus Spoke Zoroaster", from "2001: A Space Odyssey". And then, it was time for an ad. A man appeared holding a microphone in the face of John Kerry so close that his nose was almost all the way to the back of his head!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers. Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
he said. Boppy laughed and laughed. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em. he said. Boppy laughed and laughed. That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
It wasn't easy I can tell you. I pursed my lips and grimaced and I then proceeded to back up. I just knew if I could get a running start I could make that jump. Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Scalie loved gifts like this! She usually ate them. At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's. What a find!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
You know what it will do to you. It will cause itchy feet. That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
I could barely keep my lunch down. Fortunately I had 2 sets of handcuffs because I was sure going to need them! Now the keys to the handcuffs...where did I put them? Oh, I remember, I put them in the pocket of my jacket. Let me go check."
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
You can't get away from that on a farm, you know! Don't worry, it builds the immune system. Although they change with the seasons, there are always chores to do inside and out.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
"Look at all these fossilized bones. I wonder how old they really are. Would they be as old as me?" She shook her head, and replied "I imagine these dinosaurs are at least 100 years old. You can tell because the skin is so scaly and rough.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
So I grabbed a hand hoe and started hacking at it. No interlopers in this garden! You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like. It looks like a cross between a marigold and a dandelion.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
They chanted, pounding their feet in rhythm. "Oh, Kayyy..." I said, and I turned around to go again. There is nothing that is more fun than going down hill in a red wagon.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Welcome everyone, except the French. You, mes faux amis, may leave." And with a great harrumph, they in fact did! As the last one exited the door, there came a loud applause from the audience, who then began to shout in unison,"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I said. "I guess they just are all born rude. Everyone I meet has a smart-aleck thing to say when I ask them a question. The next time this happens, I am going to say, " Be sure to securely fasten your bungee cord before you jump!"
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
They had no time to lose. There was a sale on homemade play dough. It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
No wonder they call it the Mess Hall! Hey, let's ask the sargeant if we can get pizza delivered!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
And started rolling jauntily down the street, singing, " Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go; hum,hum,hum,hum....hum,hum,hum,hum, Hi Ho Hi Ho, Hi Ho Hi Ho."
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
It reminds them of home. They don't want neat! They don't want orderly! They don't want work! Kids these days, they just want--errgkhh..."
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Cuz cats like milk. Almost as much as they like washing the dishes. And if you let him wash the dishes, he may notice the soap bubbles drifting in the air, and that will remind him of days long gone by when he used to sit under the willow tree lanquidly blowing bubbles and drinking his tall cold glass of lemonade, and he would daydream about floating on his back in the swimming pool, feeling the warm sunshine and cool water, relaxing while listening to the sonic booms from the numberless jets flying overhead.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
It will cool you off and you will feel much better. Then after that you can find a good place to take a shower! Scrub off the slime and grime of a sweaty, dusty day. There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And this chair. And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Just kidding!" I yelled. "It's just a joke!" But it didn't matter. Everyone brought their posters for the big Super Readout Day. And they set up a display on the lawn outside the library. But the weather report was not so good, so when they looked up into the sky they saw not only the police helicopters arriving in the distance as reinforcements, but also the vultures had already started circling.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Bonnie exclaimed, " If we could all just CALM DOWN! Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
No one knew! It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil! "You'd better be careful or that might fall in in big vat of boiling hot french fry grease. It was popping out, splattering the wall and dripping down the side of his face and landing on the countertop with a "splat".
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs. More people should be aware of the benefits of tending a garden and growing your own begetables.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
It had been in business for 20 years, but it had to be demolished to make way for a Stop-n-Go. This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee. Now, I also want all your money. I mean ALL of it.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
"You see," Sam explained, "they're almost as good as human researchers, but they get paid in cheese! Or these little wafers, made out of Soylent Green are so tasty, that the spaceship crew wanted to eat a whole galaxy. but its gravitational whirlpool had the power to leap tall builings in a single bound.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!" The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." he cried, "Save me from the hallowed gallows!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
There were a few close calls, but after about 20 tense minutes she gave up. "I'm so stressed out I can't think. I need a break." So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Unfortunately, the force of it caused an explosion of monumental proportions! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
"Woo baby!" Greg exclaimed as the speedometer passed 120. His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
They would never be poor again! And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever.