Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Yes, phooey! Now I have to wait 23 1/2 hours to get to see the moonflower bloom! Until then, well, who knows?
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Yar! Just 2 more weeks and we will have an extra hour of daylight! I welcome that as much as I welcome having more hours of daylight to work outside in the yard, there's also something to be said for the comfort of a sherpa blanket. It is so cozy and wraps you in fuzzy warmth and makes you feel as if you might not have washed these pants as well as you should have.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
I pulled out one of my several protest signs and started swinging it like a battle axe. The nearest bystander had to duck, to avoid being hit by a flying chocolate cream pie which had been lovingly prepared by Gordon Ramsay, who proceeded to blow his top and go on a profanity-filled tirade when he saw one of the customers use a dessert spoon when he was supposed to use a soup spoon.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Now please, would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it and it was so slippery that I quickly had to unwrap a stick of butter and vigorously whipped the buttery mashed potatoes into a big mound of dog crap.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
He was stumbling! Stumbling, he tried to reach for the next page of music, but his cramp was so bad it was like he was moving in slow motion. The band would not wait! They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
This itemization for homeowner's insurance was going to take FOREVER! category for an hour and I wasn't even halfway through!
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
/ I cheddar the world and the feta cheese / Everybody's looking for stilton. And then there was a drum solo. In the midst of all that excitement, the drummer suddenly stopped and there was silence for a tense moment. who knew when it would be time to refill my soda cup? I knew. It was right now!
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
It was really getting on my nerves. So to calm them down I decided to show them my appointment book with times, dates, and detailed descriptions to verify that yes, indeed, they were enjoying themselves, having kitty treats and drinking warm milk.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
He wasn't known for much besides being a great wrestler. But he was also my friend. A bit of a lunkhead friend, though, considering when I asked him to give us an autograph, he grabbed the nearest thing to do it on.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Now have a seat and relax. Lean back and contemplate what you are going to do next: wrap more presents, or eat ALL the Christmas cookies. Oooh, there's a whole jug of egg nog! I could go for a glass or two of that. And garnish it with olives and lemon slices.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
she said. "That's not a walnut! It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river. Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Night was falling, so in the morning they would check the weather report and then decide how to split up the gold. It was probably fair to divide it evenly amongst the group, but Greg is definitely the strongest and would probably contribute more to global warming or maybe even global cooling.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Well at least it was all dried up and easy to sweep it into a dustpan and carefully dump it into the ditch by the road.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Nothing makes for a better sleeping partner at night when danger is afoot. Unfortunately, none of them knew how to use the cash register!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes. It was transcendent.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
All those Body Guards! All those TV Crews! How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They, to a man, all decided to rush the stage. It was pandemonium! Chairs were flying, fists were flying, and threats were splashed across the campus center walls with hot pink paint.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I knew she would not know how to knot the bow around the knife, so I showed her how to tie knots in people's shoelaces ...joined...so when they stood up to walk they would immediately smile, introduce themselves and offer to shake hands.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
It can be hard to come up with a combination of pizza toppings that will please everyone in the group, but if you stick olives with toothpicks on the pizza, there could be tragic results...like wasting pizza!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
But all he could find to make them with was paper mache'. But he ran out of that, too, and didn't have any more newspapers to soupify to make more, so he started tearing pages of his roommate's textbook. The title of it was How to Win at Minecraft! Bonus! came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, "
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
The beauty of the Stump Vine is in its elegant foliage and its unique bark. In fact, the bark is so smooth, yet at the same time it is also dying! That's the second stump vine to die this season.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them! What were you thinking?!! You know those men in your house don't want to wear pink underwear when I had to go to the locker room at the gym!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Well, we decided to find the long underwear which would help me build a pink fence around my two cows so they don't wander away from my base! The last time they did that, they got incinerated by the laser turrets on Greg's base!!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane. Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it."
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
In fact, I had to turn on the fan because the dog's gas emissions were overwhelming. That was effective, and I was able to get on with my work selling potholders door to door.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10! I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans. I then went to library, found the most crowded reading room, and proceeded to bolster my confidence by encouraging myself under my breath. "You can do it," I said, with enthusiasm, "
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say " Merry Christmas!" Or you can say, " Pay for it with my Discover Dollars!! Woo hoo!!" It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too? I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Working at NASA means I can afford to get deli bologna instead of the pre-packaged variety. The other stuff is OK, but it fit right in the charming neighborhood. The street was not too busy, except around lunchtime when my stomach was really growling and my co-workers I am sure could hear the embarrassing sounds of grinding gears.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose. sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Spray it with a mixture of epsom salts, garlic juice, and a little bit of crushed eggshells. Tamp down the tourniquets I had to put on my arms after accidentally slicing them with the trowel. Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it. Why then would you not want that? Obviously, life would be easier with a million bucks. So I started taking classes on business at the local community college. I also took my time thinking up a good password.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
When you're buying tickets for entertainment purposes, it's best if you just ignore this storyline because it does not have one. Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman! He was known for being obnoxious to the nth degree.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
It's great! The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling. I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
I needed to go to the store to buy more straws to build my custom-crafted trellis.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon. The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire. Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Red clothes will set it off so, be sure to take the time to look around and enjoy the scenery. You will see gigantic rocks like you have never seen before! I nudged up against one, and it started to move toward a shady spot under a rock.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
But he was a big fan of just taking a nap! But, noooooo oooooooooo.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
It's Regular Ordinary Swedish meal time flies when you're having fun! Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line! My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!"
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
I stared quizzically at Vladimir Putin, who was in turn staring intensely at a full-size horse and licking his lips. With a glorious roar, he hefted it over his shoulders and tried to go through the front door. However, as he stepped over the threshold, he stepped into a cave. He could see tunnels to the SOUTH and NORTH beneath his torchlight.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Down on my hands and knees searching for them I found instead two strange-looking rocks. I could tell they weren't from here, they looked like they were from another planet!!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!! We have only so many square inches of skin! Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Then switch it back to "on". Then I started flicking it back and forth rapidly, making the lights in the room flash like a cheap rave. All I needed to do was add music, and then people would really flock to my door. We could have an all-nighter playing The Best Video Game of the Year!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly! There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Just when the tension was almost too much to bear, the elastic snapped in my sweat pants, and I had to quickly step up the pace.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
But was it distilled or well water? To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document. It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard."
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Do they want me bring the thunder? Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
My eyes bugged out, my face flushed red, and I thought for sure any second I was going to bring back a bunch of souvenirs, but when I looked in my wallet, all I had left was one Twinkie.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!" Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds! But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender. Ooops! I forgot to put on the lid! All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best. Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion! Now he has great breath! (Muhahahaha) He also has another present hidden in the glove box of his car.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages. There was no time for making pizza. We are running out of time! We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
oh, you know. You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat. When you see them coming you must floor it!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
I know! I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
But that's OK! As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
The note said, " Help me! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
When we were finished we must have totaled at least 1000 kills in the 3 hours we spend running through the sewers. We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
He pointed at it and exclaimed "What is a laser anyway? Will it hurt?!! Could it possibly lead to early development of cataracts?
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He needed to go up a level in a hurry! Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds! The packet I needed was still in the garage in the bucket next to the burning pile, where I throw all the weeds and pine needles and other detritus that needs to get burned up.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
No geek worth his salt would be caught dead without that telltale orange tint on his fingertips. mixed with cables, network cards, and little plastic bags of ICs of every conceivable kind.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
This would be the first time I'd ever been operated on. The note also said "What have you eaten lately? and these 2 lungs are the only ones you'll ever have, so you need to take care of them!
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards! Go away! I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr. Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
So I took my cell phone and quickly dialed for help. I was in desperate straits! As soon as possible, I needed to go really bad! I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
we snarled informally. Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume. This will surely impress them! They'll be so impressed they will spew! Just kidding, of course, but who knows, you may end up in Swaziland, in a dark jungle, surrounded by insipid but angry Frenchmen frothing epithets at us proudly patriotic Americans.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer...
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
= It exploded with the force of a 1,000 thermonuclear bombs, carving a massive crater out of the side of the moon and creating a ring around the earth, which persisted forever and ever.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
he exclaimed. He cracked his knuckles and proceded to sing their little hearts out. and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor. Boy was I surprised when that cute French guy looked my way.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
"Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, "
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, "
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper. While we waited, the kids were able to play a beanbag game. They had to throw up their hands and scream "Eureka!!!!"
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back. I know that will make you feel completely relaxed. So just close your eyes and whatever you do, don't think about pink elephants. HAHAHA! You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
One never knows what will happen if you transpose the warp stream with the antimatter containment field, you will surely lose your breakfast in a hurry, unless you made sure first that you fasten your helmet securely, fasten your oxygen hose, and secure you must be, and I the all-wise one, tell you I will, that you really had better know what you're doing by now!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I breezed through the first half, and then my heart sank as the teacher chided loudly, "NO, NO, NO...you're doing it wrong!" Well, let's just say I was completely mortified and felt a burning desire to shove the monitor off the table and just leave.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Kent handed him the egg so he could demonstrate how skillfully you can peel an egg: Take the boiled egg in your hand and gently crack it against the side of your frying pan.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
You know eating prunes will always cause them to cooperate because they want to buy combat boots in order to have enough traction to navigate the poop-slimed floor.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
I think they're even open at this time: your mouth! It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool. Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
The pavement started to get sticky, and that made the tires start to melt. I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof. Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
With all that water you could probably survive by drinking sand. You never know until you try! Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
OH NO! We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window! OH NO! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth. We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
"Why are you wearing 3-D glasses everywhere you go?" I asked. "I'm only doing that today," he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM! she said, "I just can't relax unless I know that you have other clothes to wear besides one bearing logos and movie quips from Star Wars, Star Trek, Tron and Hackers, I'll never go out with you!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
So I went upstairs and screamed to let out the frustration. Then I went back downstairs and fixed myself a meatball lunch pocket.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
What a job! I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again! Come on, we're almost finished! Just a few more nails into the roof shingles and we will be sure to use the right tool this time.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
"Hello! I've been meaning to call you for days! How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul. Because quitters never win, and winners never quit. And I'm a winner! I'm also a plumber and I really like going under people's houses. You can find some strange things, like one time I found a fly in my soup so I killed the whole town.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
You know they will want to taste some of the leavings had fallen on the floor and gone unnoticed. Eventually, this began to attract flies. "Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She then quit, and got a job at the Farmer's Market selling vegetables. She smiled and said "Don't use that cream for your coffee, because I think it is time to switch to decaf!" She then quit, and got a job at the Farmer's Market selling vegetables.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Well anyway I was ready to play shuffleboard! So when I asked the recreation director where to go, he told me to go jump in the lake. I said "I can do better than that! " I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Whew! Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident! That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
See, in the future, so many people had been using disposable cellphones that the landfills were overflowing with them and people were dying in disposable cellphone avalanches. So the main characters set out to accomplish this mission: a difficult job which would take at least several days and certainly be a bonding experience, an adventure.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
I'm an agent. A secret agent. A spy, to be precise. My headquarters is Spy Base Alpha, and from here we have access to all communications satellites, private and government-owned foreign and domestic. Over here, we don't need money; we trade and barter for everything.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas. How lilting was the music. It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink. Fanning myself and perspiring, I went inside to cool off.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Find someone who has a fan blowing in their room, dump the box, and watch the fun! Hundreds of kids having a present wrapping contest. Paper, ribbons, tape were flying everywhere. It was pandemonium. We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Trump if he will sponsor our expo. we'll be able to afford all the makeup we will ever need. And big mirrors too.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive. To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Dust, dust, dust! My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
This did not look good! I yelled, "We need a pilot!...No, I mean a forklift driver!" And here he came wearing an apron with many pockets! I had to giggle because it reminded me of all the failed projects in the past. I always either had too little lumber, too few nails, or too few employees available to help me!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are. Then you'll look normal!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Therefore most ninjas tend to sleep only 2 hours at a time. Then it's back to the gym to practice yoga and sip nutritional frothy ice cream sodas!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards. banner. It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest. Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home. My home, seen only in faded memories after all those years... We couldn't believe it!
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow! Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!"
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket. I didn't know how to adjust the applause meter. Everyone seemed to be clapping too hard or too soft.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
"We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact. the Hulk bellowed, "But the Hulk is strongest there is! Me prove it! Me dumb. Me stupid. Me go the wrong way on a one-way street.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
It was drooping down and looked older than dirt! "Who's that?" I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!" she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
But we controlled ourselves and decided to give him the riot act. He was behaving like a crazy judge out to block anyone and everyone from winning a blue ribbon, much less the coveted county prize: the purple ribbon.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
As soon as they heard, they quickly lunged out the door, cameras and notebooks in hand.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over. Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
That was Boppy's favorite Texas memory! That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
First I purchased my required leotard, tights, and the only other necessary item: a pretty pink tutu!
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I shook in my boots, I sweated pools of gravy. "Boy, this is sure going to blow my diet!" she said, " Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open. Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
We laughed and laughed; Men wearing hula skirts! It was so funny. When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams! They were all holding uzis! The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Maybe a beard and a mustache would help, and some big horned rim glasses. Hmmm. And I probably should wear my gun. I'm nervous about this, you know. The fact that I'm addicted to placebos doesn't make it any easier. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Now y'all get on up-par and feed the horses." Dad only made us work half-days. It didn't matter to him which twelve hours it was. Next we had to kill the hogs to make bacon and sausage. Granddaddy would put his fingers in his ears because he did not want to hear the gunshot.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
They weren't scared. They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
This is the good stuff! Now take it and smoosh it together with your hands. It's okay. Getting dirty is half the fun. The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden. There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
"What?!" she shouted. "I can't hear you!" He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving. But he could not hear her! Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"There you are!" She called. "I've been looking all over for you!" She was distressed to see its hoof stuck between two rocks, but at the same time knew its mooing/braying for help was the only was she was able to find it so fast.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Go ahead!" She wanted to, but couldn't. Tears filled her eyes and she turned and began to run away. Tell me I'm wrong!
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
"But you don't have enough money to pay for that Spiderman suit and mask. Look in your other pockets and see if you can find any more Barbie dolls for Haley so she can play dolls with her sister and also with her cousin, Ethan."
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Soon we had to come up with another idea. So we took wet paper towels and stuffed them in our ears so we wouldn't have to listen to the crybabies.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
But nooooo, we did more push-ups and then it was time to go to the mess hall. We were rushed through the line, got our trays of food and sat down.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
"This isn't right!" I exclaimed. "Pops doesn't sell chicken nuggets! Do we, guys?"
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
So look me in the eye and tell me where the bathroom is? Cuz I really, really, REALLY gotta go."
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Oops, too big! Now what? Well, just fill it up again. To accomplish this, one will have to accumulate enough borax to kill all the mice. "Hell, Betty," Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
I just must remember next time to bring more Immodium A-D. This crazy Mexican food is flowing through me like a dirt river." This one has been a blast! We have had so much fun that I know next summer will be even better.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
"Are you nuts?!" I exclaimed. "How can you think about food at a time like this? Do you realize our first priority is AIR?" "Women!" He thought to himself, " They are so scared of their shadows! Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE!
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
We want to know all about them so we can write a report. This report must be written on the subject of underwater basket weaving. The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
I think you should focus on your breathing. That is an excellent way to direct energy. Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air. Bonnie immediately began stuffing more explosives into the fireplace and said "I feel less stressed already!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Should we use the meat anyway, or should we ask the customers to leave and go somewhere that doesn't suck? Then I had an idea: I sat down next to a customer and smiled.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
That's what my daddy would do. It will harden their pork brains until they're nice and crunchy. Then you dip them in chocolate, and roll them in crushed walnuts.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Being a ninja is more than just getting super pissed, flipping out, and killing people. Real ultimate power is attained by unrelenting karate chops to the back of the neck and across the river, with a single leap of his well-muscled legs. He found himself in the middle of a big pile of threadbare blue mats.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Needless to say, this constant Super-Sizing only led to the bottom dropping out of the market.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
No more slogging away in the hot wheat fields for me! Now I must needs go don my chain mail so patiently chained for me by Lady Man. Lady Man was known through the olde towne as a ravishing womanizer, and had gotten in trouble with one too many gladiators who had come from Rome to the countryside of England to train.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
When the quiet had reached miasmic propotions, Miss Na Tasha again resumed her shrill tirade against her adversary in court, Barrister. This time the judge actually intervened, calling for a brief break, giving him time to steer the ship through the minefield. There were a few close calls, but after about 20 tense minutes she gave up.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Podunk U.?!! Your degree must have been written with invisible ink!" He started to sit down, but then yelled again, "
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump.