Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
I am sure we will be able to find a place to eat, but will any place be open at this time of night?? Hey, there's always Waffle House.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Who keeps a jar of real eyeballs? It's like a cry for help, or something. All this stuff had to be bagged and filed as evidence. We had a big job ahead of us: figuring out how to get in a vehicle fast enough to outrun the sun as it moved from east to west.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Suet for the birds, hay for the deer, and for the squirrels, there was no end of torment. Cats, speeding cars, rogue birds...the squirrels fought to survive every day, and had done so for centuries.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
And since we've got no place to go, we'll stay home and play Carcassonne. Actually, it's an introvert's dream, this whole solitary isolation business. Nobody ever bothers you, and you have basically infinite free time.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
It would take at least 16 hours to lambaste the turkey.... I mean brine roast the turkey...too LONG !! We would have to go the tried and true route which was to pack it full of apples and hope for the best.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Finally I said, "Why are you down here anyway? This is a private beach. No one invited you to this quilting meeting. Scram." The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars. It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Yes! Believe it or not, there I was sitting on the brick patio unwrapping 20 old hard candies I found in the garage and scooping them out of the wrappers because they were soft...yuk, but I wanted the ants to have a big treat. LaLaLeiya was watching me wondering... taking a crap in my front yard?
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
In the midst of all that excitement, the drummer suddenly stopped and there was silence for a tense moment. who knew when it would be time to refill my soda cup? I knew. It was right now! I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
The Vet was astounded. He said, " it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Even the air felt electrified. The soft hair on my arms was lifting up! My scalp was tingling!
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
The jig was up, mate! We confronted him with rolls of ribbon, sheaths of tissue paper, and a carton of ribbons. If you don't have your ribbons neatly wrapped on spools, at least don't rest anything heavy on them to crush them.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Still, I ran on. I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline. This was the moment of truth. This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields?
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
We rowed with all our might and soon we reached the boundary between the dimensions. It looked like a wall of glimmering water. We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite. What a strange taste, like nothing we had ever had before.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I couldn't discard them, because what if the Illuminati found them and extracted my DNA from the snot? I would end up calling the Alex Jones show from a hidden location, probably located a big pile of possum poop in a hidden corner.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I thought it was pretty good advice to weigh the option of working in an air-conditioned environment, considering how hot the dishwashing water had to be; what would that be doing to the rats in the sewers?
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
the whole family had to move. So be very, very careful never to leave a trail of crumbs to your bedside!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
We might even see a protest by a bunch of liberal snowflakes demanding safe spaces to protect themselves from being offended. Sure enough, I found one.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
The winner would be able to do it with the least amount of elbow grease....and what a relief that was! Because who wants a elbow smothered in 100% maple syrup that was imported from Vermont. "Vermont?!" Betty exclaimed.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on?" And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
DELICIOUS! MMMM! DELICIOUS! We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long."
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
I was shocked by how many people showed up to take the Enthusiasm Class. We had chairs for most of them, but the rest had to sit on the floor.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long! Oh well, at least the green bar of soap was not down to a sliver yet, and the roommate had brought his own pile of funky smelling shoes.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive. When she did, she immediately saw what I had been doing, and exclaimed, "These nails look like they've been through a shredder!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
she said gravely, "It is real." Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." "It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
The 5 colors I picked were black, navy blue, charcoal gray, gray, and maroon. There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash! Get cartons of them at Costco and store them in shoeboxes which were then shoved under the bed, next to the pile of slush the dog fell into! it was actually mighty spicy!!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
But, they were so hungry that they did not have enough cash to pay for the purchases at Costco, so they emptied all their pockets and ended up with the dollar amount of $ 4, payable in two Thomas Jefferson bills.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
So I put on my hat, opened the door, walked out on to the front porch, and stepped into a new suit! Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile. I told him I could compost those yard clippings, but he said "
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Horrible ! How did they get there? !! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables. The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy. This is what's known as fall protection gear. Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself!
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Dang it. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! But he was nervous!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water. My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
I need to travel to a warm clime, and bask in the humid warmth of the American South. Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
I immediately picked it up and threw it at him! He then carried the stack of folders over to the table and spread out the construction paper, blunt scissors, glitter, and glue.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference! Good for you! Keep up the good work! You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Next, take the scissors and curl the ribbon. Make sure every strand of ribbon is curled in a spiral and hangs down over the back of the tongue.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power! It's okay to rent those because they disinfect them with a substance called Liquid Nails which I bought online from a company named Tethys, after the Titaness of fresh water."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
They must be coming from Harbor Hills Drive! I put my car in first gear and turned onto the street and then what came toward me was a car with a Rudolph nose on the grill and antlers every where!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet !
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less! In a situation like that, nobody but nobody wants their oxygen tank to run out!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
The sun shone white, high in the sky. Looking into the distance, I could see the splendor of the rising sun. It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices. This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I read the review in the newspaper and could hardly wait to order the new game Libations of Blood !
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly! There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
For breakfast I would rather have one bar of dark chocolate than ten bars of "The Star-Spangled Banner".
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Do not try to eat beans that have not been cooked long enough..
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of tiny red garden ripe tomatoes that are so tasty when they are added to the pease porridge in the pot, nine days old.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Do they want me bring the thunder? Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens. It used gravity wells and quantum tunneling to launch giant blue whales from every port in the country, in celebration of the Year of Cheese!
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
A better strategy is just to start fresh! Get organized! Go for gold! With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium. That's why he put all his underwear into zip-lock bags. Nobody wants strangers pawing through his underwear drawer.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town! But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!" We don't have time to cook it in the oven!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
When I heard that City of Heroes was in danger of shutting down, I got so mad that I slammed the door; the shock rattled the shelf and down to the floor fell a beaker full of precious golden rings. So bright. So beautiful. prrrecciouusss... Those hobbitses are always stealing from us. Those nasty little roaches were everywhere!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
I have to poop! But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best. Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
oh, you know. You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
It was a quiet, bright morning in Uptown Suburbia, USA. I went outside to water my plants, when suddenly I heard the deep guttural voice of a zombie!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Things would really move along then! Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" I told him, " Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence. Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! What a revolting development!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
If you get enough points you can upgrade to a laser level, which lets you upgrade your hero another level without having to restart the level every time you died. You could reload, jump to your feet, and with all my new armor I would be invincible!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
One bladder-full of liquid waste would wreak havoc with my expensive Mantis tiller, which is however so lightweight, that I can carry it with one hand, while I walk around the block six or seven times.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares. "Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!" Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart!
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
he said as he pulled over, he took a big drink of Red Bull, burped, and he loudly exclaimed, " HIT THE BRAKES!! HIT THE--" He never finished his sentence, however, because that biggy size hot chocolate just spilled in his lap!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone. I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!"
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it. They wouldn't see me here. I peeked around and suddenly saw that someone was peeking back at me! It was none other than Mr.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Show me your passport." And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Now all that was left to do was to put a new CD in the stereo that had been playing all the music all along. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Quickly I reached over and jerked the ripcord, and my parachute cmae hurtling out just in time! I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
But before we got there, we stopped at Starbucks to get revved up. I ordered a quad shot espresso - only problem was by the time we got to the store, my hands were skipping over the keypad like a skilled pianist playing Chopin.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
The new kitchen at Mc Donald's could satisfy even a barnyard full of swine. That's why we never eat at McDonald's anymore!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Cackling evilly, I carved scary faces into all the pumpkins in the patch! Then all the seeds and pulp I threw into the back of my Dodge Ram pickup truck. What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got? Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta! This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
They must be major weightlifters because that's exactly what it sounds like: dumbells on the floor next to my barbell and other weight equipment. My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music. Boy, do I hate it!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
The car was packed to the gills with all sorts of gear for the trip: camera, food, maps, you name it. But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight. I opened the window to breathe some fresh air, but all I could smell was bacon and coffee.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Couldn't we get another sponsor, one who won't make us wear these stupid ballcaps? As if an answer to prayer, up walked none other than George W. Bush! red, white, and blue streaks were all we could see of the cars!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
This is great news! At this rate, nobody's toilet in the entire county would ever flush completely again! Three days later, we were so thirsty our tongues were sticking to the plan. This is great news! At this rate, nobody's toilet in the entire county would ever flush completely again!
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
And when you look into the mirror, you will be surprised to see a box of doughnuts on the counter! It's your reward for your great progress.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It would take half the night to count all the coins! When it is time to go to the bank, I am sure we will NEVER MISS any of this stuff! It feels SO GOOD to relax now and do my yoga exercises! I am so limber I bet I could put my foot under my bra.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window! OH NO! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!" Too bad some of them were warped from the heat in the attic. But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle." "Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Maybe it was a bad idea to build the cat condo prototype out of styrofoam. Because seconds later, all the cats were fast asleep!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
"Hey! Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Well, I did, anyway. She thought that the circular saw would be perfect to slice the ham and salami for our lunch that day - can you believe that?" I almost lost it - not only were there woodchips in my sandwich, but now my favorite electric tool was perfect for sanding the hardwood floor prior to refinishing it.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I argued. he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door. You make us feel inadequate and incompetent. Where's the positive reinforcement?"
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Not the sauce! I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul. Because quitters never win, and winners never quit. And I'm a winner! I'm also a plumber and I really like going under people's houses. You can find some strange things, like one time I found a fly in my soup so I killed the whole town.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
This was the lowest ranked show ever! To improve things, we had to make sure everyone in the audience got at least a taste, so we passed out portions the size of your brain doesn't matter. The size of your mouth is! Can you talk a good show? Will your viewing audience please stop throwing food and sit down!
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
With that, she turned around and punched her in the face as hard as she could. She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face! He stood up and gathered his belongings, which was difficult to do while holding the coffee cup. Somebody else came along and mopped up the spilled latte, and then put up a sign that said, "
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
"They really ought to do something about that!" He shouted with ire, " Swab the deck, you landlubber. You will earn your keep on my ship. Now bring me a mug of cold frosty beer!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust. "I can't believe you just wet your pants! Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
That's right, this is the perfect time to go on a diet and find a new recipe for low fat, low cholesterol, high protein baked bars of coconut, nuts, chocolate and condensed milk. I gave them to Xander and Ethan to throw away. They enthusiastically ran outside and threw them into the washing machine!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Bam! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast! Lieutenant Leotard and his gymnastic Cadre of Doom were attacking the Mars Landing Base. Bam!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut! That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Now all I could do was sit on the cold hard concrete floor and wait for someone to bail me out of jail. How embarrassing! Now all I could do was sit on the cold hard concrete floor and wait for someone to bail me out of jail. I hadn't applied my sunscreen evenly!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
I wonder who thought up that idea. It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
That will help you smile and feel so special! That's such a relaxing and beautiful big pouffy couch. Come and sit on it, and you will feel the stress leave your body quickly. might I recommend a jackhammer operator?
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Yummy! They are still good after all these years! Give one to the director. Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet. But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
does NOT apply here! As far as keeping track of your weight, throw out that scale! It will only stress you out, raise your blood pressure and increase your intake of calories. For instance, have a strawberry for dinner instead of nothing!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Complete with tire swing, roller-skating area, dress-up box, and kitchenette! All the neighbors' kids were stomping in the mud, making a big mess: so I put them to work mixing up the cement instead. They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
GET LOSE!! YOU CANNOT COMPARE WITH MY POWERS!!" As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!"
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
But he would not be the next one. When the coast was clear, he opened the new bag of IAMS and sniffed deeply all the way to the bottom of his nest.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We would need a lot of sacks this year and big ones-- big enough to hold all the money people were giving us. Money money money. We took some of the money and used it for wiping up the spoiled milk in the back seat. Boy, did it stink!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
The queasiness. The dizziness. Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse. "MO---om!
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
"That's disgusting!" I said. "We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
When he saw the Hulk he lost his cool and started sniveling and crying. And on top of that, he even began to cry. Everyone got very quiet. No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!"
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
It was easy to relax in here. The smooth, dark polished wood, rich carpeting and drapes, and extensive collection of leather-bound books always served to calm my racing mind.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
This is the best BBQ I've been to!" He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl. I looked down and could feel my breakfast coming up. I quickly leaned over and threw up, deftly avoiding potentially lethal food poisoning.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Which store has the best deal on school supplies? What about separation anxiety? Here with their opinions on this story are economics expert Bylo Sellhi, and psychologist Druggum Tilltheyzone: "It is simple to see that John Kerry is a drugged up spendthrift."
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Then they would look at me as if they should treat me with pity and gentleness, like one of the dumb animals they're trying to save.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
plate of tamales, burritos, and enchiladas! The only thing this dish is missing is my face. Allow me to remedy this gross inconsistency at once. With that, I began devouring the comestibles with great vigor. "Gross is right, if you're going to put salsa on your breakfast burrito, the eggs should not be runny!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie." (SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side. He howled, more in anger than pain for nothing could make a person madder than a knock on the nose. That soft cartilage is so sensitive, so easy to bleed, so tender and kind.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
You know what it will do to you. It will cause itchy feet. That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning. Now we are headed for the North Pole!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Please note how cooperative I'm being. Ask me anything. Because I'll have an answer for you.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Here, take this bag of grass seed and scatter it around the dining table, in between the ham, biscuits 'n' gravy, grits, and cornbread.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
We quickly crawled to the police station and cried for help. It was deserted, but we found some newly laid dinosaur eggs. They were huge. Ethan wanted to make scrambled eggs with them, but Xander yelled "NO!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Why in only one hour they can process 50 pounds of superb cedar mulch. This is the good stuff! Now take it and smoosh it together with your hands. It's okay. Getting dirty is half the fun. The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud. That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang. Bonnie put on her leather jacket and her leather gloves; also her leather helmut, but around her neck she carefully wound a psychedelic silk parachute, which she used to land at Daytona Beach in the middle of about 100 bikers, with great fanfare.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Luckily, Rosita's father had a good catch of fish from earlier that day. Digging a hole in the sand, they lay down some firewood. They placed the cooking pan in the outdoor oven which the Ruwandans had built with stone and layers of crushed bones were all that remained of those who opposed the formation of the International Village.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
With that, we immediately went to to the great cathedral, Notre Dame.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
There in the space where the Spiderman costumes used to be were stacked piles of DVDs of Return of the King, Platinum Series Edition.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world! then do 500 more...
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I could not help but stare. Suddenly he turned and caught me! I couldn't help turning red, and I quickly turned my attention to his corn dog. "You gonna eat that?" I asked, drooling. he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
As she walked past, I could smell that old familiar odor of stale classrooms wafting down the hall. They never got a chance to air out just like old movie houses emptying out one sweaty audience only to open their doors to another hallway, to allow the breeze to blow through.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
After 3 hours of this, there was a hole the size of a small cat. Oops, too big!
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
What was in it? It must have been cooked with bacon grease.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Not to worry old chaps. I have a map in my attache case. I come prepared for anything! Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!" We had to use a submarine to get to it.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
This report must be written on the subject of underwater basket weaving. The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China. "Why does everything have to be ethnic? What about plain American?"
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
What had happened?! We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table. Bonnie exclaimed, " If we could all just CALM DOWN! Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
That was the part I hated the most. Chopping lettuce. I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
It will harden their pork brains until they're nice and crunchy. Then you dip them in chocolate, and roll them in crushed walnuts. When they are all finished, you place them carefully on a doily and garnish them with breath-freshening parsley.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
But what's that sound? It was his arch-enemy approaching! Oh No! Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
It had been in business for 20 years, but it had to be demolished to make way for a Stop-n-Go. This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Who will draw the long straw to be in it? Who will excape the seething blubbery morass of stinking foul alien green cards.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed. Count Muenster, along with the Earl of Sandwich, agreed to approach the Duke, but first the catapult must be reloaded.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
the driver exclaimed as he leaped out. It was Tom Daschle! Laughing, we walked off down the sidewalk, leaving the mess for somebody else to clean up.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
but still no luck. reply. This could only mean one thing, the subjects for the theses were all wrong! Gromit, they are all wrong! What will the students do now? They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
But then all day long he could not take his mind off this difficult problem. What a challenge! There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
How he remembered when he had broken his wrist playing badmitton with an orc. Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR!