| Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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|---|
| 174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
When they bloom they will look as if they are marching, and when the neighbors see them, they will exclaim, "
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| 173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
Just 2 more weeks and we will have an extra hour of daylight! I welcome that as much as I welcome having more hours of daylight to work outside in the yard, there's also something to be said for the comfort of a sherpa blanket.
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| 172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
But just as I was ready to give up, around the corner came Santa Claus! He had an entourage of elves all singing "Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus!!"
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| 171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
We apprehensively and slowly pulled back a drape and saw to our wonderment and dismay a large thunderstorm right in our path! How did it appear so suddenly? The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking!
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| 170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
While waiting for the turkey to finished roasting, the oven twiddled its thumbs, wishing it had remembered to charge its phone. It takes a number of hours for a turkey to cook properly, and even an oven has limited power.
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| 169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
Just don't be heavy handed with the instruments! Chip Davis paid a lot to assemble this plethora of instruments, and you -- what? Plethora. Plethora. No, it's a word that means a tornado probably came though overnight. Judging by the debris all over the front porch, I knew the next thing to do would be to install a charcoal filter.
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| 168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
All I had left to do was type in my weight, and the computer quickly printed out a menu listing these choices: 1) Broiled troll leg with capers, 2) spicy troll soup with tortilla strips and shaved truffles, and 3) chopped troll with candied bacon bits and guacamole.
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| 167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
But that wouldn't stop us kiwis. We started foraging for firewood, and before long have a nice, big pile.
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| 166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
Maybe catnip would help. So I made a catnip tea and put out 2 bowls of it. After drinking their fill...woohoo! they then proceeded to let loose a tremendous battle cry, striking fear into the hearts of their enemies. Their fury was legendary, their strength and unity were more than we could contend with.
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| 165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
He then went back to playing his video game, and I was left to my own devices as far as getting the electricity going again in the house. It was dark, I could not play my games, all in all, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck going 80 mph.
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| 164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
It was truly a monumental day. Everyone was happy. Everyone was full of good food. And everyone vowed, "I won't stop until I get my revenge on you!"
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| 163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields? This was the moment of truth.
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| 162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
It was probably fair to divide it evenly amongst the group, but Greg is definitely the strongest and would probably contribute more to global warming or maybe even global cooling. Who knows? Let's call up a Harvard professor and ask him if he knows why the room is glowing orange.
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| 161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there! It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns. Man! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store!
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| 160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
Those guys in blue uniforms always know what to do! They just waltz in and crap on the floor. I've tried to explain to them that this is my floor and I'd really appreciate if they stopped crapping on it, but it's like talking to a more experienced person.
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| 159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
It was transcendent. Mesmerized, we ate popcorn and drank beer while the spectacle continued. Eventually we ran out of mushroom booze.
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| 158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
I think I will pick out a sweet little Donald Trump, the 45th president of the United States, wanted to meet Milo. All those Secret Service men!
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| 157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
I walked up to them and said, "You're so nerdy and yet so down-to-earth at the same time. How do you achieve this appealing balance?" They replied, "We achieve it by a combination of blister cream and bandaids. And it works!
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| 156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
They had lined their entire property with mirrors! "How strange," I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue!
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| 155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
Imagine our surprise when we looked out the window and we saw snowflakes floating down from the sky. Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it!
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| 154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
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| 153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun! And just in time, too. Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions.
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| 152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
Do I need to attend a focus group? And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there.
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| 151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
The pool party should be fun!" Of course there will be a need for towels to wipe up the floor after the shaving cream fight! Of course Xander won because he had the best aim, and because he also had the best laundry hamper in the whole building, word got around and students were constantly knocking on his door to see it!
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| 150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
Look at that big dent! Why, it is as big as a polar bear! Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat."
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| 149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
"It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists. "It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment.
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| 148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth. The last time that happened, everything ended up pink.
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| 147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
And I will build it out of lots of catnip and wine. What a day we had!! But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home. So, all's well that ends well, and we ate cake and pie. However, I must add more hot if I'm going to have a snowball fight, I need to build a fort!
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| 145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
So besides vacuuming the whole house, we also decided to rearrange the chess pieces while she's not looking.
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| 144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service. When will it come back on??
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| 143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10! I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans.
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| 142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
but I had another secret credit card I could use. Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box. And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place!
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| 141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile.
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| 140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
Leaning in close, she could see tiny maggots ! Horrible ! How did they get there? !! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables.
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| 139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
We need lots of colorful leaves, and lots of dog poop which was scattered here and there in our ditch. Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor.
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| 138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose. sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
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| 137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight. I found the recipe in a plant book: You mix beer, baking soda, and then add a cup of Miracle-Gro.
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| 136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
Yum! Freshly cooked potatoes, chopped onions, pickle relish, and I stirred it all up with 3 big dollops of sour cream. Add to that some bacon bits, green onions, and some shredded cheese, now you've got the perfect Greg Pizza.
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| 135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure.
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| 134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas ! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
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| 133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
Isn't real life reality enough? Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation. Only then can a person really have the courage to stand up before an audience and give a rallying speech.
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| 132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch. It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21.
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| 131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire. Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics! But he was nervous! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
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| 129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
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| 128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card.
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| 127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays! Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie! It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays!
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| 126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
We are expecting at least 10,000 pounds of bacon being consumed at the synagogue open house. That's why we need to get a case of Champagne. When the crowd gets here, each person will be handed a bottle and with it they will proceed to decorate the room by sprinkling it everywhere: the carpet, the tables, the chairs were all covered with cat hair!
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| 125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line! My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!" So the next morning try again. Every new day is a new chance to redeem all your failures of last year simply by giving yourself room to dream of the possibilities.
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| 124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
"Uvula," I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle. "Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V." I looked around for help, and there, just out of reach, was just what I needed: more Scotch tape!
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| 123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago. sign because the fuzzy dize were blocking my view, and unfortunately the odor was overpowering.
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| 122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting.
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| 121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
Bursting through the opening, they couldn't believe their eyes: the new wireless mouse was growing fur and teeth !!!! I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could!
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| 120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
I decided to name it: Double Rainbow All the Way Across the Sky! So intense! What does this mean? "CHEESE! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!" Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance.
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| 119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
The sun shone white, high in the sky. Looking into the distance, I could see the splendor of the rising sun. It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices.
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| 118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
We could have an all-nighter playing The Best Video Game of the Year! And I am sure they would all bring their own beer. Last time we had an all-night video game marathon, the beer alone cost me all the money I made mowing lawns all summer!
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| 117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner. But it was so loud, we couldn't hear the movie! "HEY!! SHUT THAT OFF!" I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang "
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| 116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
Hey! That's my peanut butter!! Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
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| 115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate!
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| 114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight. You know it's the little things in life that really matter, so go ahead and get an associate's degree in plumbing.
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| 113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it in the pot ten days old. Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
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| 112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami. We could see it coming it the far distance! It looked like a gigantic tortoise, heaving up out of the earth. Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth. Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV.
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| 110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
"What?" I said. "I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag.
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| 109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
We were just about to open our second bottle when suddenly, hot marshmallow started oozing out around the oven door! "How much for a deep fat fryer big enough for a turkey?? We don't have time to cook it in the oven!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town!
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| 108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
Then you will probably start to feel hungry enough to make yourself a big bowl of hot shut the hell up. When I heard that City of Heroes was in danger of shutting down, I got so mad that I slammed the door; the shock rattled the shelf and down to the floor fell a beaker full of precious golden rings.
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| 107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
"Champagne?" The stewardess offered us complimentary drinks as bubbly as she was. Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO.
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| 106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
To begin with you need a plan and some money for new shelves. Not just any shelves, but the kind that are made of old rotten athletic shoes. I had dozens of them, piled everywhere!
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| 105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
You are trying to pay me with counterfeit money! I am calling the cops! If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way." "NO WAY!" I retorted.
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| 103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed......
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| 102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net. Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies!
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| 101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
Our story begins on a windy and cool, but bright, February day. This story is about a brown hat.
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| 100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
Cheese and eat lots of crap pizza and drink cheap beer. After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog. A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one!
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| 99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
I decided to get a second opinion. The new doctor examined me, and with a big smile on his face, said to me, " Boy are you in luck! Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions." Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients.
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| 98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence. Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break!
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| 97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
Yes, everyone is America is playing my new video game. I'm gonna be rich! The bronze cuirass, the ebony greaves, and the helmet that was made out of nuclear waste collected from sea to shining sea.
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| 96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
By then my blood is pumping, my head is cleared and I'm ready to spread the compost. Boy is it smelly! Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery. But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers.
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| 95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
mixed with cables, network cards, and little plastic bags of ICs of every conceivable kind. It was the worst jumble of all, so I hid under the table and waited patiently. Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart! she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares.
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| 94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
Then she pushed me down onto a bench, and she said in a very loud voice, " Do! A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is.
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| 93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
I got the diagnosis back from the doctor... I was going to need surgery. This would be the first time I'd ever been operated on.
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| 92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
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| 91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
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| 90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood.
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| 89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
I could hear the sound of sleigh bells coming from the roof! Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
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| 88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
Please don't eat me! I promise to stay out of your way, and believe me, you'll never know that I used a degreazor! It looks brand new! It's so sparkly, it must be alive!
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| 87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately! The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom. That restless sound soon reached the top balcony, where our VIP seats were.
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| 86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side). We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels! I sure didn't want to end up there!
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| 85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
That's the last time I'm ever going to IHOP!" Thoroughly disgusted, we threw up our arms and shouted, "THIS STORE SUCKS!!"
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| 84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
at least, he *would* be a customer if he ever made up his mind and ordered something. I tried not to smirk when the customer called me "Luv". I knew she was from Guinea, especially when she proceeded to order a Whopper...oops, this is McDonald's!!!
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| 83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
I'm good at that!! Cackling evilly, I carved scary faces into all the pumpkins in the patch! Then all the seeds and pulp I threw into the back of my Dodge Ram pickup truck. What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
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| 82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
Put them together and what have you got? woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got? Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo!
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| 81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
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| 80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
I breezed through the first half, and then my heart sank as the teacher chided loudly, "NO, NO, NO...you're doing it wrong!" Well, let's just say I was completely mortified and felt a burning desire to shove the monitor off the table and just leave. But I didn't do that; instead, I started tearing pages out of my computer manual and folding them into paper airplanes and launching them around the room.
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| 79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle." "Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta! This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs.
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| 78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too.
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| 77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
They won't lay eggs with all this noise! When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic.
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| 76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
Squish. We immediately had a flat tire! And I know it was because we ran over a speed bump that was so big, the front end of the car shot into the air! We were leaning back like astronauts!
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| 75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
They were going so fast, the asphalt was melting. The pavement started to get sticky, and that made the tires start to melt. I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof.
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| 74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
And when you go be sure you ask the customer service person there, how to install a low-flow toilet. They save so much water, and they work just as well as the traditional kind.
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| 73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
I could eat them all day, breakfast lunch and dinner. That's why I always go to the salad bar.
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| 72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
But who's counting, really? Sitting in the hot sun, sipping sweet tea and making fun of the junker cars that drove up was worth at least $100.
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| 71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
But that would cause the enemy to unleash the entirety of his airforce!! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth. We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window!
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| 70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
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| 69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
"It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years." "What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza.
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| 68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
What a mess that would be! And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry. Like Confucious say, "Cat never full."
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| 67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal.
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| 66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
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| 65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need. It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium.
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| 64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea.
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| 63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
Because I'm Mr. Moneybags, and I want more of your money; so invest in my new scheme or I will promptly sign your autograph with an elaborate flourish.
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| 62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish!
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| 61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
Because people will notice and say "He's all about style! How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL.
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| 60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
He, with furrowed brow, and she, petulant, continued to argue over which was the best sweetener.
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| 59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
I had lost my third game of shuffleboard! What to do? I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement.
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| 58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
My face was reddening by the second. Before much longer I would surely be able to flush it all down with this high-flow toilet! I pushed the lever and water erupted from the white platform. That's when I realized: it was a giant bidet!
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| 57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
He was irritated. Calmly, she answered, "I'm thinking if we ate nothing but lettuce and skim milk for a month we may look good for the St.
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| 56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
Lieutenant Leotard and his gymnastic Cadre of Doom were attacking the Mars Landing Base. Bam! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast!
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| 55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
Now what? There was only one solution: activate the fleet of snowmobiles! Racing to the garages, we poured out bag after bag of cat litter in order to absorb the neutrons from the nuclear fission reaction.
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| 54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
We loaded up on sunscreen and popsicles, and took off! Beach, HERE WE COME! We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky. Why they were huge!
They were as big as beanbag chairs!
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| 53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
I'll be dragging my behind after I finish all this shopping. and buy a notepad for myself, so I can write down a list of people to whom we must send boxes of processed cheese and hard sausages. We must get those orders out right away!
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| 52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
Why do I have to wear that hideous dress? Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot! Blue lips are not sexy!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me?
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| 51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life? None of this makes sense to me. To help me I think I'll ask the bartender. "What do you recommend?" He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before stomping on the gas pedal and screaming out of the parking lot like a bat out of H-E-double hockey sticks.
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| 50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
Give one to the director. Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it. He doesn't deserve half the credit he's getting on this dig, and I intend to catalog every single piece of bone that I can find unlike the other slacker diggers who every day haphazardly would just come along, completely disregarding any scholarly integrity, and REFILL the holes with dirt from various random locations , because we couldn't seem to find a single location that met all our criteria for what we had in mind for the recruitment ad.
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| 49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
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| 48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one!
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| 47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
That's why I needed an expert carpenter. Once you start getting creative you can envision new shapes for rooms.
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| 46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
Therefore most ninjas tend to sleep only 2 hours at a time.
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| 45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind." I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry. Can you do better than that?"
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| 44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
Yeah, and how about that possum! Always eating all their expensive IAMS and bowls of sugar! SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest.
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| 43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
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| 42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
Now I was really thankful for those ballet lessons. My new flexibility was a great asset to my health. I thought it was worth a try, so I plugged in some batteries and turned it on. Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade!
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| 41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
Russell used some when he worked at Busch; let's call him." So we called Russell to check out the buckets of unknown substance in the far corner. He stuck his face near, took a deep smell, and yelled, "I know exactly what it is! It's American cheese that you saved to see if it would decompose!"
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| 40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!"
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| 39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
"This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned.
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| 38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Of all the nerve!
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| 37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
Frantically, the police captain called a temp agency. They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom. Needless, to say, all the sound equipment was choked with papers that had been discarded right out the window.
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| 36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
We don't eat meats! Can't you get that straight?!! It's been 4 stinkin'
decades since we had meats! We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess.
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| 35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
Allow me to remedy this gross inconsistency at once. With that, I began devouring the comestibles with great vigor. "Gross is right, if you're going to put salsa on your breakfast burrito, the eggs should not be runny! Don't eat that, instead, try my 16-ounce prime rib!
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| 34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
Which makes sense, actually, because the piano player had sprained his ankle and couldn't show up. So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble.
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| 33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar. It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side.
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| 32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
That's very nice," I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder.
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| 31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
It will be so cool to see from above the blackened scars in South America caused by the burning of the rain forests. Then we'll go to the Amazon River and see how much Avon we can sell to the natives.
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| 30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
That's the way we do things around here. And sometimes I had to bash some heads to make it happen.
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| 29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
We had a hard time because he was so fat. The fat seemed to absorb the knockout juice. But we succeeded when we gave him a big dose of what for! we chortled. "Next time you'll know better! Now y'all get on up-par and feed the horses."
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| 28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
How soft and green was the bed of moss along the bank. But suddenly we heard a loud rushing! Coming straight toward us was a giant footprint in the mud.
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| 27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
Hello, and welcome to Gardening with Betty! I'm your host, Betty! Today we're going to look at these ivys.
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| 26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on.
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| 25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
"We have a very serious problem the trucking company just delivered 500 pounds of pork chops to the Jewish banquet hall. There is pandemonium over there, and right now we are in dire need of a plan, a strategy, to bring down the tyrannical International Village, despite our being heavily outmanned and outgunned."
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| 24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
If she laughs any louder my brain is going to slide out of my ears in long, thin slices." his friend said. "You must really like french fries!
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| 23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
The ones that turn into a robot and then into a jet plane and then into the Toy Department again to see if anything was missing from the shelves. YES! There in the space where the Spiderman costumes used to be were stacked piles of DVDs of Return of the King, Platinum Series Edition.
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| 22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
In fact, you will feel so good that you grab a fire extinguisher and put out the fire. The Galactic Fart: with this fart, it seems like farts are stinky all the time. I don't know why I have to smell them when I'm in the same room with one.
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| 21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
"A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!" I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods. In the middle of the night, I can get it out and use it to help me steal hot dogs from the mess hall.
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| 20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
I went up to get a soda refill, but this guy was something else! I'd never seen anyone look so angry!
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| 19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
They don't want work! Kids these days, they just want--errgkhh..." At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead. I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?"
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| 18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread. Yeah, and we need some meats! And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air.
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| 17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
"How will we ever get all this mud off?" She whined. "Is anybody hurt?" I asked. "That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic!
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| 16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
And my pup tent. In case it rains. And that's ALL I NEED! And this chair. And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery. And this rock.
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| 14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
We want to know all about them so we can write a report. This report must be written on the subject of underwater basket weaving. The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China. "Why does everything have to be ethnic?
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| 13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
You are so getting on my nerves! I think you should focus on your breathing. That is an excellent way to direct energy. Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air.
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| 12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
They must have accumulated for years! Here, take this old spatula and whack the back of the head of any customers who don't agree to 'super-size' their combos."
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| 11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
And wash 'em down with a tall glass of chocolate milk. A month later, when we got a craving for them again, all we had to do was pull some extra we'd saved out of the freezer! Boy, were they needing some more M&M's on top.
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| 10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
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| 8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee. Now, I also want all your money. I mean ALL of it. Hand it over or I will give you a million dollars in exchange for leaving the country and never mentioning this again!"
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| 7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
Now what?!! "I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits. What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is.
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| 5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
Their living quarters were made out of popscicle sticks, painstakingly glued together, then painted with multicolor butterflies swarmed through his brain. he exclaimed. "I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!"
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| 4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
What was happening?!! Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store! We are going to get this matter settled once and for all, said the judge as he beckoned Lord Elsington to even higher status within the SSBC: Secret Society of British Cats.
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| 3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
That wall of fatigue that just suddenly hits you when you've eaten salmonella-laden salad at Ponderosa Steak House.
The you have to absolutely rush to get to the place.
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| 2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy. I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased!
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| 1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
Greg nodded slowly and deliberately as he reached for the Ovaltine. When he opened the cabinet, Lo, and behold, he found his missing bottle of pills.
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