| Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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|---|
| 174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
Can you not see that bird's nest? In that tree, right up there! You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel. Whee! Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer!
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| 173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
I welcome that as much as I welcome having more hours of daylight to work outside in the yard, there's also something to be said for the comfort of a sherpa blanket. It is so cozy and wraps you in fuzzy warmth and makes you feel as if you might not have washed these pants as well as you should have.
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| 172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass! You can set it right next to this bigger can of Whoop-Ass!" Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head. Tensed, he listened and his eyes sparked.
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| 171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner??
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| 170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it and it was so slippery that I quickly had to unwrap a stick of butter and vigorously whipped the buttery mashed potatoes into a big mound of dog crap.
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| 169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
The plume of smoke and flame launched itself into the atmosphere, spreading across the globe. At first, we were horrified. Surely, the fish would either stop swelling or explode! It was a fearsome moment indeed! Everyone held their breath in terror.
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| 168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
I looked at the waiter and exclaimed, " What is wrong with you people?!"
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| 167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda. I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch! As I held my hand to the hurty spot, all I could manage to say was I am ready for a real hamburger with all the fixings. Plus a thick milkshake made with real ice cream and in addition a dollup of fairy dust.
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| 166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
He said, " it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other.
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| 165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
etc. But he was a good guy with a big heart. When we asked him if he had heard the news, he said " On a day when it's rainy and stormy all day, that's the best kind of day to just relax in your favorite chair, read a book and take a nap.
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| 164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
The jig was up, mate! We confronted him with rolls of ribbon, sheaths of tissue paper, and a carton of ribbons.
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| 163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer!
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| 162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
Night was falling, so in the morning they would check the weather report and then decide how to split up the gold. It was probably fair to divide it evenly amongst the group, but Greg is definitely the strongest and would probably contribute more to global warming or maybe even global cooling.
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| 161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
!! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash. All those bank statements, etc., you don't want people to know your every little insecurity!"
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| 160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
I thought it was pretty good advice to weigh the option of working in an air-conditioned environment, considering how hot the dishwashing water had to be; what would that be doing to the rats in the sewers? Well, for safety, they probably all clustered around a loaded shotgun. Nothing makes for a better sleeping partner at night when danger is afoot.
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| 159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
Mesmerized, we ate popcorn and drank beer while the spectacle continued. Eventually we ran out of mushroom booze. Granted, the stuff makes you hallucinate, but it tastes like liquid gold.
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| 158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners. A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air.
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| 157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
The table full of jocks nearby were laughing their heads off, but little did they know what was lurking behind the door of the Chemistry Lab... They all trooped in and lo, and behold, there waiting for them was Hulk Hogan! He was going to teach them a new school anthem.
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| 156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. So instead I placed a couple business cards. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle.
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| 155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
Ain't that something! We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny.
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| 154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
Bring on the onion, black olive (or should I say o-LOVE?), green pepper, and chopped onion, grated cheese of course, and and a whole mini jar of MUSHROOMS! Mmm! In fact, use the big jar! Some people also like to add anchovies...ewww. Then there is the delicious fruit pizza!
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| 153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
First we went to Cosco and loaded up on lots of wood glue, posterboard, hammers, and nuclear material.
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| 152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
I was shocked by how many people showed up to take the Enthusiasm Class. We had chairs for most of them, but the rest had to sit on the floor. That's okay, though, because it wouldn't last very long. Each group had to write an essay explaining the best way for the REST of the groups to be enthusiastic.
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| 151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
!!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots! Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave!
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| 150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
Turn on a high-powered fan and aim it toward my neighbor's open back door.
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| 149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use?? No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard.
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| 148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them! What were you thinking?!! You know those men in your house don't want to wear pink underwear when I had to go to the locker room at the gym!
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| 147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
He's a gigantic snowman reclining in a lawn chair. Is that cool or not?
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| 145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
Then, nonchalantly Bonnie walked out of the airplane and down the ramp. When she got to the bottom, she dug in the sand with her hands, feverishly trying to find the return plane ticket. It had disappeared ! Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store!
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| 144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
Maybe it was because their kitchens were so well-organized. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew.
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| 143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
Confronted with a mob of irritated neighbors, I ran back into the house and packed! I was ready to start my new life! Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
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| 142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place! After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box! The only way to cover that will be to file bankruptcy!! Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
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| 141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer. I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning. I had to wait about two weeks.
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| 140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from. They were holding handkerchiefs over their noses and were mumbling, " Aaahhh! and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds. Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit.
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| 139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise! We need lots of colorful leaves, and lots of dog poop which was scattered here and there in our ditch. Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor.
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| 138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
No, seriously, you would have a problem if you ran out of eggs right in the middle of preparing a tasty snack!
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| 137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !!
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| 136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself!
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| 135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
Why then would you not want that? Obviously, life would be easier with a million bucks.
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| 134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully.
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| 133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
That is a perfect recipe for thin crust Pizza a la Greg. Who want a piece? Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money. First, we'll go out to lunch.
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| 132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me! It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt! I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me!
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| 131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon. The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire.
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| 129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
You will see gigantic rocks like you have never seen before! I nudged up against one, and it started to move toward a shady spot under a rock.
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| 128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
Confident I'd be OK, I took a big bite and froze. Never in my life had I ever tasted anything so disgusting and horrible. It must have been past its expiration date! I just had to spit it out onto the lawn.
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| 127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
on every paper except one, on which she wrote: "100%" She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right.
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| 126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
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| 125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
I could scarcely do worse!" So the next morning try again. Every new day is a new chance to redeem all your failures of last year simply by giving yourself room to dream of the possibilities. Sometimes all it takes is a little gutsy resolve! So anyone can decide tomorrow will be a new day and when you wake up, the first thing you should do is get an accountability partner.
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| 124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
You can be confident it is if you leave the presents on your friend's front porch who lives in the ghetto that they will be picked up by a bunch of charity workers. Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot.
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| 123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power!
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| 122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
I suppose I had to work this week. Dragging myself from my warm nest of sheets, I reached over to turn off the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Bed Warmer.
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| 121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass!
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| 120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
With the advent of SDW (Space and Dimensional Warp) travel, it was now possible to find out. I was the admiral of the first fleet to set off into the universe's darkest corners, and as the one in charge, I needed to handpick my coworkers. They needed to be brave, intuitive, and ambitious!
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| 119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
The sun shone white, high in the sky. Looking into the distance, I could see the splendor of the rising sun. It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices. This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each.
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| 118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
That would probably hurt. It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation! And for 3 weeks I had to wear an Ace bandage on my damaged vertebrae, which were partially crushed in a parkour accident two years prior.
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| 117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
Only, I don't think anyone else understood why I went to the movies even though I was blind! They didn't realize that my excellent sense of hearing allowed me to pick up even the slightest nuance of sound, and my vivid imagination I never would have guessed she would DIE from it!
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| 116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
Seconds ticked by, a minute...two minutes. It teetered in the breeze. Just when the tension was almost too much to bear, the elastic snapped in my sweat pants, and I had to quickly step up the pace.
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| 115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
For breakfast I would rather have one bar of dark chocolate than ten bars of "The Star-Spangled Banner".
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| 114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
Do not try to eat beans that have not been cooked long enough.. They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed. The remedy for that is to be totally relaxed, have warm socks on your feet, and be ready to tackle the quarterback!
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| 113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
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| 112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth. Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV. We went to the dealership, looked into the showroom, and we saw a brand spanking new Interstellar G9X Ion-Charged Singularity Accelerator.
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| 110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
How delicious! But things don't always taste the way we remember them.... This time the Moon Pies tasted like sea urchin soup, straight from the set of "Iron Chef"! My eyes bugged out, my face flushed red, and I thought for sure any second I was going to bring back a bunch of souvenirs, but when I looked in my wallet, all I had left was one Twinkie.
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| 109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town! But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!" We don't have time to cook it in the oven!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town!
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| 108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
Gasp! He had to get out! He had to order pizza to be delivered to the lab and the toppings were a choice from four: The four edible choices were BBQ beef brisket, chicken tetrazini, grilled salmon, or a Popburger.
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| 107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
The crew silently gazed out the viewportals at the void of purest black, which was at least 50 kilometers across, and was surrounded with a coruscating aura of all manner of colors as particles of light were sucked in at speeds exceeding 120 mph !! It was very exciting.
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| 106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up. And when you do, tell him, ' Stop spilling used cat litter on the garage floor!'"
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| 105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
You are trying to pay me with counterfeit money! I am calling the cops! If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way." "NO WAY!" I retorted.
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| 103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
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| 102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
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| 101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
Most people who encounter the brown hat will never be affected by the hat's presence. However, for the select few who are touched by the brown hat, their lives will never be the same. Our story begins on a windy and cool, but bright, February day. This story is about a brown hat.
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| 100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked. It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E.
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| 99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
Rhonda exclaimed, "While you're in there, why don't you get me a metal prod so I can get behind the eyeball and repair the side of my car that the guy smashed into when he was trying to park, cuz he couldn't see worth a darn."
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| 98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
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| 97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down! And I hadn't saved my game! I was so mad! I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration.
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| 96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
I then tried to decide what fertilizer to use. I had to choose between organic compost or that big bag of hot air, Joe Blow or Joe Schmoe or whatever his name is.
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| 95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
"Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!" she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares.
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| 94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be. So I decided to turn in my driver's license and buy a bicycle. I really needed a new line of work.
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| 93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
He hoped the surgeon was handy with the needle, so when he was finished everything would look like something out of horror movie. Bubbling vials, Jacobs Ladders, and incomprehensible surgical tools everywhere added to the effect.
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| 92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion. They all laughed, and said you look like an alien!
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| 91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!" And with that, he made a U-turn and proceeded back down the road and bumped into a steel spike that protruded from a pile of obliterated concrete.
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| 90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective. we snarled informally. Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume. This will surely impress them! They'll be so impressed they will spew! Just kidding, of course, but who knows, you may end up in Swaziland, in a dark jungle, surrounded by insipid but angry Frenchmen frothing epithets at us proudly patriotic Americans.
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| 89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
They were givin away a big pink inflatable heart for Valentine's Day, which was just around the corner, and there it was: a brand new Hobby Shop stocked with every kind of Christmas light you could imagine!
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| 88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!! Luckily, they had heard this brainteazor before, (or hopefully one of them was a good gueszor).
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| 87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom.
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| 86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
We were going to collide head-on! Quickly I reached over and jerked the ripcord, and my parachute cmae hurtling out just in time! I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier.
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| 85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
He smiled, sat down and boo-hooed right there in the mall. What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go!
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| 84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
at least, he *would* be a customer if he ever made up his mind and ordered something.
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| 83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts! If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine. Or coconut. What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
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| 82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean? "Well, not exactly..." I said. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about. There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean?
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| 81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. It's very hard to do.
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| 80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
HA! Now take this CD and put it where the sun don't shine - cuz you're never gonna pass this course anyway. The one thing I learned from this was touch-typing on a split keyboard is really cool. You cannot leave the classroom until you have erased all your data, then you get to start all over!!
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| 79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
Next, chop the garlic into tiny bits at least small enough to fit into a cupcake holder! You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle." "Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta! This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs.
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| 78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
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| 77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
They won't lay eggs with all this noise! When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic.
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| 76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
There's no telling what we will do if we start down that mountain and our brakes give out! We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area.
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| 75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
As if an answer to prayer, up walked none other than George W. Bush! red, white, and blue streaks were all we could see of the cars!
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| 74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
After all the next time you flush, you may need that 5-gallon bottle of fresh, clean water over there.
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| 73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
I could eat them all day, breakfast lunch and dinner. That's why I always go to the salad bar. Then I can pick out veggies that have the lowest number of meals per day. It's good to keep track of the total number of inches lost around the waist.
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| 72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in. It would take half the night to count all the coins!
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| 71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
He'd probably just freak out and start to open up the escape hatch. But that would cause the enemy to unleash the entirety of his airforce!! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth. We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window!
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| 70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
I retorted, "Yeah? Well you're a stupid head! And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member?
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| 69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown." Well, I didn't see what the big deal was.
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| 68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
What a mess that would be! And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry. Like Confucious say, "Cat never full." That's why you have to have a wide base, or else a strong foundation, if you're going to make it that tall.
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| 67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
Then I went back downstairs and fixed myself a meatball lunch pocket. It was so good, I licked it again. "Hey! Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out.
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| 66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
Now take this toothbrush and clean the encrusted roach poop from around the doorways. What a job! I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again!
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| 65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
Her favorite thing to talk about is how she's going to marry that new recruit that she met from talking to on the phone, if they survive the latest mission, that is." That's life in the Space Marines!!! well, you know the rest of the neighborhood will shortly know all about it if you tell her.
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| 64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly. I open the supply cabinet and what do I find?
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| 63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
To everyone's amazement I then proceeded to sing, " We're in the money, we're in the money, we've got a lot of snot to clean up here. It is all over the place. Start wiping with this ring, I thee wed." And as the crowd watched breathlessly, she flicked her hair back, licked the lipstick off her teeth and proceeded to raise her middle finger for all to see and said, "If it weren't for me, I wouldn't be where I am today."
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| 62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
Eventually, this began to attract flies. "Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings. This was the lowest ranked show ever!
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| 61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
Because people will notice and say "He's all about style! How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
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| 60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
I hate it when they serve me coffee. I wish they would go work at becoming more efficient at the cash register!" He, with furrowed brow, and she, petulant, continued to argue over which was the best sweetener. He liked good ol' cane sugar, while she preferred tea to coffee, it was good to try something new for a change, so she ordered a lemon cookie with her tea.
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| 59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
I had lost my third game of shuffleboard! What to do? I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement.
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| 58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
But there wasn't time to even think! My face was reddening by the second. Before much longer I would surely be able to flush it all down with this high-flow toilet! I pushed the lever and water erupted from the white platform.
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| 57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
"Out with the bad (dirt), in with the good (smell)!" She shouted, to no one in particular. Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce! With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear!
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| 56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!" Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy. It's all about finding the sources of disposable cellphones.
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| 55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
Fantastic, AKA Dr. Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four. He said to watch out for Doctor Doom! His latest information reported that there was a severe shortage of toilet paper. Now what? There was only one solution: activate the fleet of snowmobiles!
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| 54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
So I always made sure to provide plenty of suntan lotion when we go to the beach every Saturday. We get there by 9am, but have to leave before the sun starts to shine again. Blistering hot rays beating down upon us, we began to feel dizzy, so someone suggested we should go sit down in the shade.
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| 53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff."
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| 52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
The next girl can pose on this poof chair. It is shaped like a high-heeled shoe. How mod! I wonder who thought up that idea.
It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that!
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| 51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
But he wasn't listening; he was already counseling the next student over.
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| 50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
We did know for sure however that neanderthals did NOT eat Chicken McNuggets. And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry.
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| 49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control. So we looked at the dehumidifiers.
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| 48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. That will add good protein without making you feel overfull.
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| 47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
I'm sure if I did I would have an underground playroom! Complete with tire swing, roller-skating area, dress-up box, and kitchenette!
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| 46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
There is always another challenge around the corner, and the ninja must waste no time seeking it out! Therefore, today I ate 5 bowls of chili beans with chopped up hot dogs. Ah, the warm feeling in my tummy! Ah, the power coming out of my legs, my arms, my fingertips.
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| 45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry. Can you do better than that?" but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
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| 44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
And nearby! A messenger was sent to the prison chaplain's office to plead his case. If he didn't get out soon, he'd die. He soon heard that Spot next door was wearing a flea collar. What a wimp.
Barrister has no use for such "jewelry". Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder!
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| 43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow! Those girls are wearing bikinis!
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| 42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold.
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| 41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
I cannot take this any longer! So I grabbed the can of gasoline, pulled out a book of matches, and debated whether to vote for George Bush or John Kerry. she said, "You can take that and stick it where's there no tomorrow! Yeah, and there's no beans about it.
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| 40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
"We should be safe here!" I whispered. We even tried to quiet our breathing, fast and loud from our sprint.
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| 39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
I'm telling you, you've got to try this onion dip. It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows.
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| 38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that? Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!"
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| 37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
He said that so loudly, I jumped. "Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!" "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'"
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| 36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal.
I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
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| 35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
Good for the immune system! Good for your mood! It's even good for fryin' up that armadillo you done run right over with your dang ol' truck.
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| 34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
Which makes sense, actually, because the piano player had sprained his ankle and couldn't show up. So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble. We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you.
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| 33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
Our quest to find the Minotaur King began uneventfully. We travelled several miles into the desert the first night, and found a cool oasis of palm trees and the sweet sound from a spring of bubbling hot water, perfect for relaxing after a workout.
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| 32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
"Ooh. That's very nice," I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug!
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| 31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning. Now we are headed for the North Pole! We will be on top of the world!
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| 30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
They're missing! The sargeant will have our heads in we don't find them! Man! They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!"
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| 29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
It didn't matter to him which twelve hours it was. Next we had to kill the hogs to make bacon and sausage. Granddaddy would put his fingers in his ears because he did not want to hear the gunshot.
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| 28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
as if they were fleeing from something. That's when we heard it: birdlike calls, a sound like distant rumbling thunder, and the snapping, cracking sound of large trees falling. We didn't know what it was and adrenalin surged as we all jumped to our feet. Immediately we saw Jeff Goldblum!
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| 27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
It's okay. Getting dirty is half the fun. The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden. There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass.
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| 26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
You know, just like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home." That's when I know it's time to turn around and head for home. You know, just like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home." And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg...
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| 25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
Look out for the alligator!" Celina wasn't scared of alligators. She'd been in the river back home in Brazil many times with them.
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| 24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
Go back into your cave and drink your cafe au lait. Next time I see you I will give you $20, but only if you can seat us in a better part of the restaurant.
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| 23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
I'm really getting tired and hungry. I want a Brown Mule. Let's go find an ice cream freezer in this place, and look in it to see if we can find some quarters so we can play a few final video games before we have to go." The clock said "TIME TO GO SHOPPING!" He grumbled, " I'm really getting tired and hungry.
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| 22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
Now that's what I call skilled. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled.
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| 21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
"And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods. In the middle of the night, I can get it out and use it to help me steal hot dogs from the mess hall.
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| 20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
Even when we put barbecue sauce on it. But then it tasted like it came out of the dumpster!
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| 19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
I couldn't believe it. All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!" I whispered. a voice rasped. I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it.
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| 18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
One can never be too careful. For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat. 300 mice died to provide you with that stylishly avant-garde attire, and don't let them forget it.
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| 17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going."
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| 16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game." But not to worry! Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game."
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| 14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
But the weather report was not so good, so when they looked up into the sky they saw not only the police helicopters arriving in the distance as reinforcements, but also the vultures had already started circling.
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| 13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
You are so getting on my nerves! I think you should focus on your breathing. That is an excellent way to direct energy. Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air.
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| 12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
"You'd better be careful or that might fall in in big vat of boiling hot french fry grease. It was popping out, splattering the wall and dripping down the side of his face and landing on the countertop with a "splat". he said, "my boil just erupted!" The customer gawked and said, "You expect me to eat this crap?!!
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| 11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
What in the world else would a Grandma have at the end of a long day........or at the beginning of a short one?!
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| 10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head. Then they all stood in a circle and shouted the team's motto long and loud.
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| 8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
Greg couldn't believe his jail sentence would be that long, but considering the number of his convictions, he knew he had jail time ahead. correction centers where every day he would get to watch TV, exercise, and eat three prison meals a day.
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| 7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
"I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits. What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is. Thusly donned, they left--earning strange stares since the underwear was actually their outerwear.
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| 5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
"Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord." Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news:
They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
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| 4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness.
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| 3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car. What they wanted to charge us was absolutely ridiculous. "I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you?
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| 2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper.
A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans. She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket.
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| 1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
The sky turned white with all the exhaust plumes from the nuclear-armed missiles, and soon they found the hidden treasure! Now they would all be rich! They could buy whatever they wanted!
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