Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Take a deep breath-- and pray that your antihistamine is working, because I think you just inhaled more pollen than air! And small wonder, too. Even the cars had turned yellow from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
They will taste delicious, so go get the tomatoes, lettuce, onion, pickles, and jar of eyeballs. Who keeps a jar of real eyeballs?
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
I pulled out one of my several protest signs and started swinging it like a battle axe. The nearest bystander had to duck, to avoid being hit by a flying chocolate cream pie which had been lovingly prepared by Gordon Ramsay, who proceeded to blow his top and go on a profanity-filled tirade when he saw one of the customers use a dessert spoon when he was supposed to use a soup spoon.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens??
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
3am is OK, but most people are asleep. Proper trolling has as many spectators as possible, to maximimize the trollification. you might only see 3 or 4 people. Instead, go mallwalking! While you're there, make sure you order at least one latte and sit by a window as you watch go by the wayside.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Fresh-faced cadets leapt into gun emplacements and cockpits, scarcely believing they were actually going to see combat. Even worse, this an enemy they had never seen before; they swarmed over the horizon, rising to block the sun, the chattering of their thousands of quadcopter blades unmistakable even though they were still miles away.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
What were you going to do with 2 unhappy cats, hungry and hating the cat food you bought for them? I just decided not to go to the store again.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
But be sure that the nap is not too long, because if it is too long it will make you fall asleep. I barely got 30 pages into Atlas Shrugged." He then went back to playing his video game, and I was left to my own devices as far as getting the electricity going again in the house.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
In the attic? In the garage? Ah, man.. I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store. They had every kind you could think of, but I was really drawn to the sparkly tissue wrapping paper!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Let's call up a Harvard professor and ask him if he knows why the room is glowing orange. He'll probably say, "You dunderhead! Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!"
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Just thinking about that garage is tying my gut in knots! I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it. It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated. But how to get rid of it? !! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
The lecture continued for a few hours, until finally the sinks were all full of nice hot soapy water all ready for me to wash!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
So thankfully, it didn't, and because it didn't there will not be any baby tufts of stump grass growing in the vast emptiness of outer space.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air. Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
How do you achieve this appealing balance?" They replied, "We achieve it by a combination of blister cream and bandaids. And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums."
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I may as well have this with a side of socialism and a hot mug of Bernie Sanders Uber Alles. Give me a bottle of Mrs. of A!" She then pounded the table for emphasis, causing all the stray animals to congregate in Bonnie's back yard.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
What's going on?" And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!! I get instead a blast of the past.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I'm starving!!!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
And I cannot seem to find it. Do I need to attend a focus group?
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
We all got to see Xander's room for the very first time! It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface?
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
I blurbled. He looked at me like I was an idiot. he said as we sped toward the marina. When we got there, a huge fog bank rolled in, and it looked really scary, so we waited until the sun went down. Then it was cooler because we switched the fan to counter-clockwise, and that made us feel sleepy.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
That's the second stump vine to die this season. I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
it was actually mighty spicy!! However, I must add more hot if I'm going to have a snowball fight, I need to build a fort!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket. After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest. her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket! And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while. Soon, you will feel focused and relaxed and ready to go out the front door to my new life!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
But that's so difficult to do when your eyes are so blurry after cataract surgery!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too? I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard. he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy. This is what's known as fall protection gear.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
The next thing to do is to take some string and weave a hanging basket. Be sure to make it strong enough so you can trap large prey.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I carried it over to the Speights to see what their opinion would be. And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Yum! Freshly cooked potatoes, chopped onions, pickle relish, and I stirred it all up with 3 big dollops of sour cream.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Instead I decided to add a new game app. The name of it was Clash of the Terrible Twos. Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
If something is missing, always remember: look under the couch cushions for any stray peanuts. I am sure I lost some.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
That was the last straw! I needed to go to the store to buy more straws to build my custom-crafted trellis. Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I had to have plenty of room to make the icing made with butter and powdered sugar. Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Never in my life had I ever tasted anything so disgusting and horrible. It must have been past its expiration date! I just had to spit it out onto the lawn. There, in the sun, I could see a big hydrogen firestorm.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
It's hard to work through meal time! Using all that brain power was very draining. I could use a pepper-upper! Maybe there is something in the staff refrigerator I could sample.... Sure enough...I opened the door and found a cup of Whoop-Ass!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I could drink a giant mug of that! And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise. It's good for you! It's Regular Ordinary Swedish meal time flies when you're having fun! Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !"
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific. For example, don't just say that you're going to lose weight. Say you're going to take a trip around the world !! Just make sure you stop at the first sign of feeling faint. And now you know how to make your neighbors your best friends for life !Just walk over, knock on their door and with great enthusiasm, say, "
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle. "Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V."
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago. sign because the fuzzy dize were blocking my view, and unfortunately the odor was overpowering.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet! Some people think they are dead!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor! "That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
He then extemporaneously launched into song. he declared, "And it's dedicated to freezing peoples' brains so they can be revived at a later date.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
WRONG! You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
When it happened, I spent the first 3 months just learning how to use this stupid new controller.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I was so in shock from her death, I didn't see what happened to the usher who took us to our seats. He just disappeared! Maybe he went into the 3D theater by mistake. If he did, and he doesn't realize he doesn't have his polarizing glasses on, he's in for a headache.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
He was there the ENTIRE TIME! When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home. sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Do you know what else is good for a scratchy throat? A nice, hot cup of tea, flavored with garlic.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Yo, I couldn't wait to get home to play Ice Cream Tycoon! I pulled into the driveway, and in the moonlight I saw something shiny half-buried in leaves.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
So many kids, what else could she do? She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
It looked like a gigantic tortoise, heaving up out of the earth. Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth. Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!" Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds! But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation. They were unimpeachable evidence that other creatures had been destroying the test results!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
I then went inside the Quicky-Mart and got some Pepsi, beef jerky, Andy Capps hot fries, and some curly ribbon fell behind the couch and got tangled with the golden tresses of Rapunzel, which she had cast out her tower window after he unwrapped the last present he put all the bows and wrapping paper into a large roomy cabin near the front of the plane.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
To begin with you need a plan and some money for new shelves. Not just any shelves, but the kind that are made of old rotten athletic shoes. I had dozens of them, piled everywhere! They smelled like rotting potatoes.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
When you see them coming you must floor it! "Eat my dust, turkeys!" I yelled out the window as the car shot out of the stocking which was hanging on the mantle.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
That dern zombie took a chunk out of my arm and I can barely keep my eyelids open! The reason must be that I ate too much brains! I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Then out of nowhere we saw The Fly Lady! She buzzed right in with a big flyswatter and started swatting us on the behind.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Will it hurt?!! Could it possibly lead to early development of cataracts? I need to know because who wants to be blind for the rest of his life?!!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing! After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
I looked like I was wearing HAZMAT gear, but that stuff is dangerous. It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds!
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area. They would love this pretty new space complete with not one but two cores per CPU, giving it inherent multiprocessing power.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
had to write out a final will and testament. He gravely wrote, "I, being of sound mind and body, do hereby express my wishes in this last will and testament."
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Why can't we have more toilet paper in here? Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
They wouldn't see me here. I peeked around and suddenly saw that someone was peeking back at me! It was none other than Mr.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
and you accent the positive and reject the negative, and everything will always look better when you roll your R's, you sound right Scottish. It does me up a treat! And et, und, et cetera. I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year. What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination".
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Luckily, they had heard this brainteazor before, (or hopefully one of them was a good gueszor). "We accept your challenge!" He shouted, " You're no match for our shoulder-mounted quantum rocket launchers!" Without further ado or hesitation, he pulled out his Equalizor, opening very carefully the hatch, and peering in; there seemed to be a strange odor drifting out.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom. That restless sound soon reached the top balcony, where our VIP seats were. We could see the entire auditorium from here, as well as mink coats, diamond tiaras, and fancy tuxedos trimmed with mistletoe and holly.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I needed no distractions ,I had to be totally focused because of the traffic snarls, the icy streets, and the crazy dudes out front with the pots and handbells. Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, "
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
NOW!!!" But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, " Orrrder uuuuuup!" To which the manager, confused, replies, "
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Meanwhile, the rest of the group went to the raspberry patch and had a raspberry war!! Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
sdfsdf sdfsdf No! It's swxswx! Is this a real story??!! What are you thinking?! = Waa waa waa waa I'm all out of cough syrup!!!!!!!! You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
In fact most of the students looked at least as old as MS-DOS. Which would put it at about 25 years old. There was also an acoustic coupler modem on display. "Wow!" I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end. The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs! That's the only explanation for why we were stupid enough to move into this neighborhood. We much have been too noisy ourselves because the neighbors called up and said, "
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers. That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Nobody can match my collection of his memorabilia. Why I even have his name printed on my flame-retardant suit and on my car, I don't know. Couldn't we get another sponsor, one who won't make us wear these stupid ballcaps?
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
You never know until you try! Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Soon the hordes would be here. I was a little nervous, because this was my very first yard sale. I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale. So when we advertised it, we exaggerated a little bit to get more people to show up.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
It sure is a small fire button! Let's see what happens if I push it! Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
It must have been 30 feet into the air. We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I want to be sure I got it. Just hold on a second while I answer my cell phone........oh, and now there goes my beeper!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I could never go through the whole day like this! So I headed for the rodeo. I got my gloves, my chaps, and of course my hat. That hat and me go way back.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
I told her, "You have to SMILE at the customer! Make them feel welcome! Here, I'll show you."
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
"Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors? How fast can this thing go?" Stunned, I replied "But it was right here! I put it there myself!" I was completely flabbergasted! I had lost my third game of shuffleboard! What to do?
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Hop, hop, hop!" He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet. One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it. The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
They enthusiastically ran outside and threw them into the washing machine! "Out with the bad (dirt), in with the good (smell)!" She shouted, to no one in particular. Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce! With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
This team of friends had agreed to buy all the ingredients to make homemade pizza. So before they went to the store they made a list of ingredients: Trix cereal, cinnamon bun, chocolate milk, and peanut butter cookies! All part of a balanced beam that came crashing through the front door.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
We were too quickly running out of everything: bottled water, powdered milk, and freeze-dried corpses of agents of years past. because we couldn't run the risk of any publicity. The slightest amount could alter the electrolyte balance of everyone on the base! To prevent absolutely any mistake, we chose to consult Mr.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Why they were huge! They were as big as beanbag chairs! The kids were having a lot of fun batting them back and forth, but finally I had to call out to them, "Hey!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
and buy a notepad for myself, so I can write down a list of people to whom we must send boxes of processed cheese and hard sausages. We must get those orders out right away! You know everyone just loves those boxes of styrofoam peanuts.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Now fix your wardrobe immediately!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress? Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot! Blue lips are not sexy!" You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse. Now fix your wardrobe immediately!"
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Ever get that vague feeling that something's missing? What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again! Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect?
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. That will add good protein without making you feel overfull. Eat quickly, and that saltine cracker will be gone before you know it.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people. On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall! "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
"I can't believe we get such a treat! It's 5:00pm! It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Ahh, the fresh air! Ahh, the sound of songbirds in the trees! Ahh, the smell of freedom! It smelled like grass, and trees, and dew. I stepped out but he could hear the millions of soldier-ant feet marching, on the move to their next conquest was to round up all the squirrels and ship them to Alaska.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit. If they aren't stuck to the upholstery. If they are, we can try to use a high powered spray washer with a jet nozzle...or to blow his big hair dryer over the towel-dried car, for a final touch-up.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse. "MO---om! Mom! Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
It's American cheese that you saved to see if it would decompose!" "Oh, yeah! That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with?
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
"Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!" she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
This is the best BBQ I've been to!" He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl. I looked down and could feel my breakfast coming up.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!! What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Add it to your yogurt! he said as he took another bite of his steak. It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
First Boppy left Gloucester and headed to the airport. On the way Papaw and Boppy picked up Uncle Greg who lived in a cardboard box that a bigscreen TV had come in.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie."
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
We turned a corner and tripped over a string somebody had stretched along near the floor!
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
"I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder. "The next one will." With that, he picked up a huge axe and smashed it into the table!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Then we'll go to the Amazon River and see how much Avon we can sell to the natives. I hear they pay for their orders with bags of gold dust! Who knows? We might even end up with hemmorhoids so bad we won't even be able to sit down.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
I knew I had to be careful not to talk too much, or I would blow my cover. I really needed a better disguise.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Granddaddy would put his fingers in his ears because he did not want to hear the gunshot.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
If we do that we might not survive the night! No. We've got to conserve our ammunition, collect what food we have left, and prepare to broil some tasty dinosaur patties. Yeah, with a bun and onion and Miracle Whip and tomato and a few sliced radishes on the side, we'll have quite a dinner, as obviously there's no shortage of fresh meat around here!"
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
And if you shoot it with bullets, it will die. Let me demonstrate. (Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
They chanted, pounding their feet in rhythm. "Oh, Kayyy..."
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum! Even though it was just the skeleton, somebody was scared.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
When we walked through the great doors, everything was very quiet. The huge stained glass windows glowed from the sunshine outside. In the far corner we spotted a group of But enough about that.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
Let's see if the robbers are still in the parking lot." We dashed out and found them sitting in a puddle of urine. They didn't get to the bathroom in time! "Oh well," I said, "Who wants those old toys made in China anyway? I think Ethan and I can make better toys on our own.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
How about some sugar? You can't have tea without sugar! and you can have it with bacon, eggs, Spam and sausage." "But I don't LIKE Spam!" "That's OK, I've lost my sense of smell. I cannot smell anything. Why anymore, I cannot even smell my own butt since I sat in a bunch of flowers all day!"
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
My name's Sergeant Furlman and I'm here to tan your namby-pamby hides until you're whipped into shape. Maybe then you can a member of this man's army."
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
"You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Grates in the walls below admitted narrow beams of sunlight. I could see that there were old professors lying around everywhere. Some were nibbling jelly doughnuts and drinking coffee; some perusing the Wall Street Journal, and some were just livid that tuition had gone up again.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
To accomplish this, one will have to accumulate enough borax to kill all the mice. "Hell, Betty," Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
This one has been a blast! We have had so much fun that I know next summer will be even better. I just must remember next time to bring more Immodium A-D.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game." But not to worry! Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game." FOREVER! But not to worry! Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game."
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Why does everything have to be ethnic? What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library? With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume? That'll liven things up around here!"
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
"Oh, no!" My friends said, "Quickly, turn off the electricity before she's fried!" I lunged for the power switch, but just then there was a loud explosion outside the meditation room!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns. Too many sesame seeds I think.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
When they are all finished, you place them carefully on a doily and garnish them with breath-freshening parsley. Parsley isn't given nearly enough press for its natural, chemical-free breath-freshening qualities. Just be sure to brush your teeth after, though, the dark green bits between her teeth showed up in the camera shot.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet. Those were the only kind of wallets Greg carried around nowadays--genuine leather and filled to overflowing with Jacksons, Grants, and Franklins.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Moments later, all hell broke loose when they drifted into ans asteroid belt. Being slammed from all sides, they quickly tried to vent the waste container into space, before it exploded and spewed human refuse all over the cabin.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
he exclaimed. "I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!" He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other. "So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
It was Tom Daschle! Laughing, we walked off down the sidewalk, leaving the mess for somebody else to clean up. The shopkeeper couldn't believe it!
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you? You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop. Then you do it again with a bigger stick.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks. exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Everyone was so inspired by his shameless act of pariotism, they stood up and applauded with great gusto, knowing full well that as soon as they sat back down, they would know that this was the end of the world as they knew it.