Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Now in his safekeeping, it was an exhilarating thought to know he might be the one to uncork it one day and unleash an onslaught of antique aromas nearly a century old.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Tensed, he listened and his eyes sparked. He recognized that sound. Infuriated, he snorted, and the breath was visible in the cold air. The hills echoed with his bellow of rage, and remnants of soft verses of Psalmic peace.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Most people's mud rooms have a bench where you can sit down and take off your muddy boots before you go into the house.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it and it was so slippery that I quickly had to unwrap a stick of butter and vigorously whipped the buttery mashed potatoes into a big mound of dog crap.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
This is a private beach. No one invited you to this quilting meeting. Scram." The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars. It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house. Yes my cousin and I painted it blue inside! There used to be an old Sears & Roebuck Catalog to use for wiping but we had advanced to real rolling toilet paper...Yay!
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch! As I held my hand to the hurty spot, all I could manage to say was I am ready for a real hamburger with all the fixings. Plus a thick milkshake made with real ice cream and in addition a dollup of fairy dust.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
I would certainly expect it to be much better. After all, you get what you pay for." She shook her head and said, "That's not always did the cat treats work.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
It took 5 grueling months to go from St. Louis to their destination. And when they got there they found lots of fancy chocolate truffles."
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
How cool! When the martini glasses were all empty, we washed them with our carpet shampooer.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Streaking fire fell from the sky, and portals opened in the earth, from which spilled the uncountable, writhing forms of extradimensional creatures. Thankfully, Greg had saved a ton of money by switching to GEICO! And so, when we got back home, having experienced so much and learned so many lessons, we knew we would be facing life with more boldness from then on.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Just thinking about that garage is tying my gut in knots! I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it. It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated. But how to get rid of it?
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer. Those guys in blue uniforms always know what to do! They just waltz in and crap on the floor.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby. Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then!
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
In his pathways, for him can you ever place a trap? Of course not! But we must be reasonable. Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Meanwhile, just leaving from there was a group of sweaty pony-tailed girls running toward the cafe we could smell the delicious aromas. We could hardly wait to eat! I even could detect the smell of SUCCESS!!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I don't want no yankee syrup. I may as well have this with a side of socialism and a hot mug of Bernie Sanders Uber Alles.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Sugar cookie crust with strawberries, kiwi fruit, pineapple all arranged in a pattern of pleasing proportions. The cheese should go on first, though.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
The best thing to do is take a minute to evaluate the situation, then decide which size pizza to order, the giant 18-inch, or should we order the small instead of the large? You don't want to get stuck with too much time on our hands, we decided just to go shopping.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Maybe some hopeful whiners and a few frowning judges. It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit! It was from the party last night!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Where was that coming from? !!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots! Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave! Xander's new home and everyone in the dorm gathered there to eat fresh bread and butter.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive. When she did, she immediately saw what I had been doing, and exclaimed, "These nails look like they've been through a shredder! Were you trying to scrape wallpaper off with them or something?
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps. The result is a very useful mulch.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
So I went shopping and bought 5 boxes of dye. The 5 colors I picked were black, navy blue, charcoal gray, gray, and maroon. There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
What a day we had!! But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home. So, all's well that ends well, and we ate cake and pie. And I will build it out of lots of catnip and wine.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Before we left Bonnie go garnished with parsley and those mini hot peppers. But, they were so hungry that they did not have enough cash to pay for the purchases at Costco, so they emptied all their pockets and ended up with the dollar amount of $ 4, payable in two Thomas Jefferson bills.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans. I then went to library, found the most crowded reading room, and proceeded to bolster my confidence by encouraging myself under my breath. "You can do it,"
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
They're so busy this time of year, one guy has to drive two trucks! but I had another secret credit card I could use. Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box. And that box was hidden inside the computer tower!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
That way it will be super-easy to make tons of money selling homemade compost !!
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful. Spicy, meaty, and with a little hint of mint! Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor. To counter that, Cliff decided to shred them. "You can't ever have too much butternut squash, because we want to make soup with it !Bowls and bowls of soup seasoned with sprinkles of rosemary.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion. It was amazing to watch. Mesmerized by the sight, we found a place to sit down quietly and stared intently at the small entrance. Only a very petite model could fit in that dress!
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up. I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight. I found the recipe in a plant book: You mix beer, baking soda, and then add a cup of Miracle-Gro.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Because if that happened we would all have to go back to writing cards and letters. How different that was! We had to wait days or weeks for an answer! Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles. I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Dang it. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! But he was nervous!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Getting hired is one of the biggest energy boosts ever! They say the most important thing to consider when deciding to accept a new job is whether or not to include your brief stint as a soldier of fortune.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Peruse the aisles and be sure to pick out lots of fireworks to launch at random people and scare the daylights out of them! "Hahaha! I got yer new year's resolution right here!!"
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!" So the next morning try again. Every new day is a new chance to redeem all your failures of last year simply by giving yourself room to dream of the possibilities.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Next, take the scissors and curl the ribbon. Make sure every strand of ribbon is curled in a spiral and hangs down over the back of the tongue.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power! It's okay to rent those because they disinfect them with a substance called Liquid Nails which I bought online from a company named Tethys, after the Titaness of fresh water."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
A new day! Full of possibilities for winning the county's "Best Decorated Yard". We had to get to work! I asked Bonnie to go buy lots of candles.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
"We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet ! Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious."
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less! In a situation like that, nobody but nobody wants their oxygen tank to run out! You would have to rush to fill it again with concrete. This time, we're going for permanence! We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels. Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game! Why if I had not been concentrating, my handsome hero would surely have fallen into debt.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Off in the distance, I noticed reflected from the street lamp, 2 yellow eyes staring at me. I slowed my walking and waited to see whether it would fall from its own weight.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
But was it distilled or well water? To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document. It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard."
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
But suddenly, swarms of cheese-loving imps scrambled out of the manholes and began devouring the Twinkies from the overturned Hostess truck. Suddenly a riot ensued, and someone called the geology professor. Considering his knowledge of continental drift, they must have thought that he had a colonic explosion !
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
I maybe had enough to get by without doing laundry. With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me! Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Your good china, your sparkling wine. We were just about to open our second bottle when suddenly, hot marshmallow started oozing out around the oven door!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I figured I would clean it up with the blood of my enemies! And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The crew silently gazed out the viewportals at the void of purest black, which was at least 50 kilometers across, and was surrounded with a coruscating aura of all manner of colors as particles of light were sucked in at speeds exceeding 120 mph !!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us. when you used it. The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
I'd never seen anything like it. It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
So then we started to use the snow shovel to pick up all the piles of fly poop FlyLady was leaving everywhere.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
However, for the select few who are touched by the brown hat, their lives will never be the same. Our story begins on a windy and cool, but bright, February day. This story is about a brown hat. Not just any brown hat, mind you, but specifically it was really a purple hat that was needed.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" I told him, " Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Rhonda exclaimed, "While you're in there, why don't you get me a metal prod so I can get behind the eyeball and repair the side of my car that the guy smashed into when he was trying to park, cuz he couldn't see worth a darn."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Moments later, they came upon a wide, glistening puddle of goo. It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it. I then tried to decide what fertilizer to use.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice. It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area. They would love this pretty new space complete with not one but two cores per CPU, giving it inherent multiprocessing power.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
It moves through air like a hot knife through butter. Like a tax hike in a Democrat controlled Congress." I didn't want to argue, so I pretended to be listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He may have to terminate his membership at the country club. Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them? Maybe it's because they accidentily stitched him up with tools still inside his abdominal cavity!
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr. Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills?
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
big scratchy boils on the back on my neck. I needed to see a doctor about that. So I took my cell phone and quickly dialed for help. I was in desperate straits!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood. If you mispronounce something you could really offend somebody by saying something you didn't intend.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
You're no match for our shoulder-mounted quantum rocket launchers!" Without further ado or hesitation, he pulled out his Equalizor, opening very carefully the hatch, and peering in; there seemed to be a strange odor drifting out. In fact, it actually smelled like fertilizor! Confused, I said, "
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
he exclaimed. He cracked his knuckles and proceded to sing their little hearts out. and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Boy was I surprised when that cute French guy looked my way. I wonder if he speaks any English? I will be bold and ask him," Where is the bathroom? Cuz I really gotta go."
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, " Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you go and leave us alone? We searched the mall index to find a good place to eat, and we found the intriguing listing of "The 12 days of diarrhea.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Just a small faux pas, she thought. Well, think again!!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy. Why, just last year, we brought home enough pumpkins to make lots of pies. When we counted them we ended up with 1,416 pumpkins. That was more than enough to make some pumplin pie.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools. That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home. "Hey! she whispered quickly.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end. And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
Not only were they noise polluters, they're even polluting my drainage ditch with their trash. They aren't just noisy, they are very dirty people too!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Clean water is so important, we should all do our best not to waste it. All it takes is some education, some motivation, and some creativity, and we'll all have good water for many generations to come. It might surprise you how much water you use just taking a shower.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Sitting in the hot sun, sipping sweet tea and making fun of the junker cars that drove up was worth at least $100. It was going to be hard to get rid of everything before the sun went down. My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I knew perfectly well that we were over the coldest part of a TV dinner when you get it out of the microwave is always the center part. That's why you have to stir it it up, and the explosion was so BIG that I had to dive under a cloud was his nemesis, in a sneaky holding pattern.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
"I'm only doing that today," he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM! she said, "I just can't relax unless I know that you have other clothes to wear besides one bearing logos and movie quips from Star Wars, Star Trek, Tron and Hackers, I'll never go out with you!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
It had been a while since my last checkup so I figured I should go ahead and see about getting a prostate exam.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
THAT will teach them to use acetone to clean the hardwood floors. Now take this toothbrush and clean the encrusted roach poop from around the doorways. What a job! I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Don't hang up! I want to be sure I got it. Just hold on a second while I answer my cell phone........oh, and now there goes my beeper!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
I better get my head on straight because I have to be able to see out the cockpit window. Just give me a second. and see right before our eyes the ground rushing up toward us! No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels! Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Many times a person's favorite part about something isn't the most obvious. And they may not reveal this preference to their friends, but instead privately enjoy this secret pleasure.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
We all breathed a collective sigh of relief and proceeded to dig in. Using proper table ettiquette, of course. And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!"
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Why would anyone want to eat eel? It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter. We're going for a minimalist look here: clean lines, neutral colors. So what do you think?"
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Obviously some of the rest of us are entitled to a piece of the action. So here's the plan: Rent a storefront, buy some coffee beans, and to grind them, buy a big muffin. The bigger the better.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
"That's amazing!" He said. "Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors? How fast can this thing go?" Stunned, I replied "But it was right here! I put it there myself!" I was completely flabbergasted!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
But he was going to try anyway, and to practice he was going to crash! "Quick! To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce! With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
See, in the future, so many people had been using disposable cellphones that the landfills were overflowing with them and people were dying in disposable cellphone avalanches.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Over here, we don't need money; we trade and barter for everything. It is a liberating feeling: not having to carry a wallet. Remember how heavy those wallets and purses used to get?
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We gasped; no one had ever managed to eat much at any of my Christmas parties; they mostly just wanted iced tea. It was just too hot. So I always made sure to provide plenty of suntan lotion when we go to the beach every Saturday. We get there by 9am, but have to leave before the sun starts to shine again.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
But still, she really did want to do modeling herself. Sigh. I guess for now, it was all just a fantasy! She paused for a final jelly doughnut before entering the inner sanctum of the plush office where dozens of models were milling around, considering who would look best in which outfit.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
How cute! His big brown eyes were gazing toward the girl relaxing on the park bench, eyes closed, gently rocking her head in time with whatever music was playing on her headphones. I thought to myself, "THAT'S what I need -- a whole bottle of sleeping pills! I'll take 'em all and then I won't have to listen to--"
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
one student asked. "I don't know, let's taste one and see. Yummy! They are still good after all these years!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
So we looked at the dehumidifiers. They were piled to the ceiling in a very haphazard manner.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Next, you must only go grocery shopping when you are really hungry. That will enable you to put some food in your mouth, chew it up, and swallow it. does NOT apply here! As far as keeping track of your weight, throw out that scale! It will only stress you out, raise your blood pressure and increase your intake of calories.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
"You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
These can be achieved by correct application of sunscreen and limiting your time in the sun, for day brings visibility, and a ninja must be unseen as much as possible!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Finally Election Day was here! And early in the morning, all across the country, the vote counters were ready for the squads of illegal immigrants and communists to descend upon the voting booths, there to wipe down all surfaces with antibacterial scrub.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Always eating all their expensive IAMS and bowls of sugar! SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest. Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
I kicked it over the edge of the stage. It was hopeless.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Breathing deeply, I inhaled a great cloud of mold and mildew. Argh! I cannot take this any longer! So I grabbed the can of gasoline, pulled out a book of matches, and debated whether to vote for George Bush or John Kerry.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
the Hulk bellowed, "But the Hulk is strongest there is! Me prove it! Me dumb. Me stupid. Me go the wrong way on a one-way street. Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!" Luckily no one was eating at the time.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. The voice of the people will not be ignored!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I quickly leaned over and threw up, deftly avoiding potentially lethal food poisoning. Then I grabbed a ticket to go see the biggest cow on the planet. When I peeped through the fence at it, it looked like a NINJA!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Needless, to say, all the sound equipment was choked with papers that had been discarded right out the window. They lay in wet piles atop the sewer grates, and rats slithered out and began to dance on the grates! It was unbelievable! Why one of them was playing the saxophone, and the tune was "
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
We don't eat meats! Can't you get that straight?!! It's been 4 stinkin' decades since we had meats! We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess. This meal should keep the average person satisfied for thirty seconds. Oooh! But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
A little window was cut out of the side. Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets. Security measures, you know.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble. We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I noticed a stream of urine running down the side of the cavern wall. the Minotaur King was relieving himself right above us!" I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
What a sight to see! I wonder if I could take them all home? For all of them I would need a room the size of plums!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
We will swim to that shark cage, get in, lock the gate, and wait anxiously for nightfall. I'm exhausted!" Trying to keep up with Lance Armstrong is just impossible! I am going to wheel in here to this little cafe and order a tall glass of foamy beer, running out of the keg, down the bar, and onto the floor, puddling around the table legs in yeasty-smelling bubbles.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
It didn't matter to him which twelve hours it was. Next we had to kill the hogs to make bacon and sausage.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
It was getting scarier by the minute, so we decided to resign ourselves to our fate.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
I'm your host, Betty! Today we're going to look at these ivys.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud. That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
She easily picked up the noodles, and then deftly she reached into the bowl and she picked up a hockey stick and skated out onto the ice. "There's nothing like knocking the puck around in the light of the midnight sun!" She laughed. "There's nothing better than sitting around the campfire singing in twelve different languages at once!"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
With that, we immediately went to to the great cathedral, Notre Dame. When we walked through the great doors, everything was very quiet. The huge stained glass windows glowed from the sunshine outside. In the far corner we spotted a group of But enough about that.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
But enough about that. They had no time to lose. There was a sale on homemade play dough. It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan".
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Sometimes they're so loud they are deafening; so cacophonous they pierce your ears; so mind-boggling they make your butt steam! If that happens, the only thing you can do is blow it out with all your might.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I want extra cheese on mine. What would you want on yours?" "A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!"
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
So happy that they cheered, in chorus, "GROUP HUG!" And enthusiastically reached all around each other, jumping up and down and laughing. His anger turned to confusion. There was no escape. The joyful ringing of their laughter reached all the way to Route 17.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
"ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" "Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?" "Yeah."
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
If you give a mouse a cookie, he's probably going to want some milk to go with it, and if you give him some milk, he may think he's a cat. Cuz cats like milk. Almost as much as they like washing the dishes.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going."
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
But my foot is stuck and I can't move; It is stuck in a endless loop. This tunnel. It's stuck in some sort of space-time moebius strip, such that no matter how many times we go down it, we'll always end up back in the mine.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
And they set up a display on the lawn outside the library. But the weather report was not so good, so when they looked up into the sky they saw not only the police helicopters arriving in the distance as reinforcements, but also the vultures had already started circling.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
And just then the drugs kicked in and then the convulsions started. "Oh, no!" My friends said, "Quickly, turn off the electricity before she's fried!" I lunged for the power switch, but just then there was a loud explosion outside the meditation room!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Peppers. But he wants the whoppers with no onion and plenty of fresh lettuce for all the salads! That was the part I hated the most. Chopping lettuce. I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
What in the world else would a Grandma have at the end of a long day........or at the beginning of a short one?! But before she could drink it, she had to add a spoonful of honey and a little squirt of diarrhea, and she knew she should haven't eaten that greasy platter of fries and fried chicken with extra grease.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
And again what is that POWER? It is the power of the universe! The power that enables the ULTIMATE NINJA to unleash hundreds if not thousands of punches and kicks upon any who opposed him.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
It had been in business for 20 years, but it had to be demolished to make way for a Stop-n-Go. This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole! The ship contorted in bizarre, unthinkable ways as the universe collapsed around them.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." The king looked down at him and replied,"
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store! We are going to get this matter settled once and for all, said the judge as he beckoned Lord Elsington to even higher status within the SSBC: Secret Society of British Cats. "I want my toys back now!"
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Her manner frightened the man somewhat, so he stammered Woo Baby, I just wet my pants! Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy. I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke.