Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
and I'll say, "Well, there's the Spam, egg, sausage, and Spam... that's not got much Spam in it." And when they say, "I don't want ANY Spam! then I'll reply, "You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen!! You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
I welcome that as much as I welcome having more hours of daylight to work outside in the yard, there's also something to be said for the comfort of a sherpa blanket.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
OooOOooOOoo. They also complained last week when I took my trash to the dump, I ran into an old friend, who enthusiastically said to me, " This kind of lichen is edible! Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Nobody ever bothers you, and you have basically infinite free time. If you're into meditation, make sure you have a cup of coffee ahead of time so that you don't accidentally slip on a patch of ice and land face-first in a pile of freshly driven icy cold snow causing me to feel the need to call the airline and confirm my flight hadn't been cancelled.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later. So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens?? He realized he broke a string in the last movement! he mentally mumbled to himself.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Yes my cousin and I painted it blue inside! There used to be an old Sears & Roebuck Catalog to use for wiping but we had advanced to real rolling toilet paper...Yay!
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
If only they could find it they would be able to rescue the kangeroos trapped in the ancient ice house. We knew they were getting colder and colder all the time, and with the power out, we couldn't use the microwave to heat them up again.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Indeed, thunderstorms are a dramatic immersion for the senses. Even the air felt electrified. The soft hair on my arms was lifting up! My scalp was tingling! And the popping in my ears was like I had never felt before ! Almost like I was back at wrestling training camp in Louisville, Kentucky.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
That and the snowflake ribbons reminded me of when I met the real Santa years ago. For the most part he was everything I'd expected and hoped: rosy cheeks, big exuberant belly laughs, and a warm and compassionate spirit, but what most people don't know is that he is an undercover agent with MI-6!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Oh yeah, also while we are here, I would like to have a picnic! Yeah! I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer! You can bring a few bottles! Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" Now what? Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player. I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open....
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash. All those bank statements, etc., you don't want people to know your every little insecurity!" Well, when somebody puts it like that, it makes perfect sense.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
We protected our eyes and ears with homemade insecticide, made with vinegar, water, and a tablespoon of Miracle-Gro should do the trick I also thought a little pruning would help, so I pulled out of my pocket my pair of tweezers. I always carry them with me in case anyone needs them because they have a splinter or a tick or a stray unwanted hair, or in case they have a stray unwanted coyote wandering around, digging in the trash, chasing rabbits.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air. Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
As a group, they ran ahead to lead me, looking behind every so often to be sure no roadrunners were following us.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
We scooped them up during our daily desert hike. The sneaky bastards tried to sting us but we were too smart for them.Once we had about 50 of them, we were ready to proceed.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
she declared. So everyone worked together to assemble them. Using ribbon and shrink wrap, I wrapped up all the junk I had found into neat little parcels and then advertised them on Ebay as "Mystery Gifts". I was shocked by how many people showed up to take the Enthusiasm Class. We had chairs for most of them, but the rest had to sit on the floor.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Oh well, at least the green bar of soap was not down to a sliver yet, and the roommate had brought his own pile of funky smelling shoes. Xander didn't care since he had a trick to combat the roaches and mice that had invaded the dorm. Just put in the corners of every room little bowls of microwave popcorn.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Then it was cooler because we switched the fan to counter-clockwise, and that made us feel sleepy. So we immediately went loco. Smashing chairs, flipping over tables, drinking liquor after drinking beer, queuing up Taylor Swift songs on the jukebox, it was complete bedlam.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together! When I took them out of the washer, they were all the color of a cloudy winter sky. Now, the only solution would be to tie-dye everything ! So I went shopping and bought 5 boxes of dye.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Anytime you're walking on ice, you should be careful to look both ways before you sled down the Speights' driveway. You could easily run into a large elk, arctic fox, or other similar sleds and sleighs, all designed to go really fast down a snowy hill, as long as they were not running around in their underwear as if they were about to take the Polar Bear Plunge.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
We were greatly anticipating Bonnie's annual January visit! So besides vacuuming the whole house, we also decided to rearrange the chess pieces while she's not looking. Then, nonchalantly Bonnie walked out of the airplane and down the ramp. When she got to the bottom, she dug in the sand with her hands, feverishly trying to find the return plane ticket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
So I put on my hat, opened the door, walked out on to the front porch, and stepped into a new suit! Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
If only I had gone to a reputable mafioso, I would have been able to get a successful hit ordered for the guy who makes all the deliveries. They're so busy this time of year, one guy has to drive two trucks! but I had another secret credit card I could use.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Apparently someone doesn't know how to use a manual transmission. It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now ! He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl. Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
But the skydive instructor wouldn't relent. he yelled over the noise of the plane's engines. "Now get ready for the fall!"
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
band. I first heard about them when they appeared as my Wiki Word of the Day. Another stupid bunch of words. Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Seriously, lead?!?!? Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Which he did, and amazingly, nothing happened. As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times?
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch. It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21. Three rows of seven each.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly! So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
It could also measure each kid to make sure the desks were the right size. Sure enough, one kid was way too messy to read. on every paper except one, on which she wrote: "100%" She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Say you're going to take a trip around the world !! Just make sure you stop at the first sign of feeling faint. And now you know how to make your neighbors your best friends for life !Just walk over, knock on their door and with great enthusiasm, say, "
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
"Uvula," I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle. "Patina is the next clue,"
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power! It's okay to rent those because they disinfect them with a substance called Liquid Nails which I bought online from a company named Tethys, after the Titaness of fresh water."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
With a glorious roar, he hefted it over his shoulders and tried to go through the front door.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
I could tell they weren't from here, they looked like they were from another planet!! I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Each person has to pick which future century they want and they can also pick out what kind of simulation they wanted to be in during the operation. It was a long, intense process to add cybernetic enhancements to a super-soldier; one that would begin to wear on the subject's consciousness if left dormant.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
How it had gotten in there. Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen. But when I did, he proceeded to buy advance tickets for EVERY opening show for the next year!!!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
I'll never burn off those calories from last night's dinner at this rate. As I broke into a jog, I peered down into the muddy puddle and spied something moving! It looked like a convoy of Army vehicles. Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Do you know what else is good for a scratchy throat? A nice, hot cup of tea, flavored with garlic. I thought, "That doesn't sound good for breakfast."
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
This is a job for a professional! Do not try to eat beans that have not been cooked long enough.. They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed. The remedy for that is to be totally relaxed, have warm socks on your feet, and be ready to tackle the quarterback!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Warm milk goes down like silk. But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism. So now if you have peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, or peas porridge in the pot nine days old, you can be assured it will be well-stirred even if you're not around.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
The odor was horrific, so bad in fact that they turned up the thermostat. she whined as she tugged her jacket tigher around herself.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
First you have to locate your luggage. You know it is in the attic, but when you look for it, instead you find luggage with broken wheels. A better strategy is just to start fresh!
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town! But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
So bright. So beautiful. prrrecciouusss... Those hobbitses are always stealing from us.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
I have to poop! But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best. Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
You never know what you might find under all those boxes." In fact, down on the floor in the far corner, I found a reason to live again!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
I retorted. "I don't want the malls to close until midnight! Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!" "NO WAY!" I retorted. "I don't want the malls to close until midnight! Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!"
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
It scared me so badly that I screamed, " Where's my money, you silly stupid old fool?" Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net. Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It needed to look a little battered for the play I was going to be in. Believe it or not , I was going to act the part of the fool! That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one! While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I told him, " Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Rhonda exclaimed, "While you're in there, why don't you get me a metal prod so I can get behind the eyeball and repair the side of my car that the guy smashed into when he was trying to park, cuz he couldn't see worth a darn."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Abiathar needs Artorios's help. So Abiathar asked him to pass the potatoes. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing! After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I knew I had to think fast. ready! Let the battle begin! The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It was just past the crack of dawn when I noticed a bunch of slimy slugs eating away at my petunias. So I poured on them some high powered weed killer. I looked like I was wearing HAZMAT gear, but that stuff is dangerous.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares. "Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!" Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart! she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter. Like a tax hike in a Democrat controlled Congress." I didn't want to argue, so I pretended to be listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio. Too bad I didn't know that I was in the company of a red diaper doper baby who believed in God, who was the only one who could save him now!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He may have to terminate his membership at the country club. Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr. Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills?
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it. They wouldn't see me here. I peeked around and suddenly saw that someone was peeking back at me!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
I could hear the whine of the power meter dials spinning. I could hear the sound of sleigh bells coming from the roof!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late! He pushed the button of the vending machine expecting a deli sandwich, but instead, down the chute came a grenade!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
He cracked his knuckles and proceded to sing their little hearts out. and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
We were going to collide head-on! Quickly I reached over and jerked the ripcord, and my parachute cmae hurtling out just in time! I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier. I couldn't help but shut my eyes tight as our speeding car swerved completely off the prescription medication he had been taking to calm his nerves.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, " Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you go and leave us alone? We searched the mall index to find a good place to eat, and we found the intriguing listing of "The 12 days of diarrhea.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
They had to throw up their hands and scream "Eureka!!!!" Everyone turned their attention to us and the farmer (who was very creative about recycling) used old tires to start a bonfire.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Next, chop the garlic into tiny bits at least small enough to fit into a cupcake holder! You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle." "Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
It's really not necessary for you to practice at home. I think they're even open at this time: your mouth! It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
But think about it, how are you going to avoid that big traffic jam up ahead? I think the best way would be to just act natural. That way we can glide more easily into the gulch, where we will be protected from the oncoming onslaught of tornadoes. Well, safer, anyway.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric! Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Clean water is so important, we should all do our best not to waste it. All it takes is some education, some motivation, and some creativity, and we'll all have good water for many generations to come.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
It's your reward for your great progress. Now go ahead and make my day!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale. So when we advertised it, we exaggerated a little bit to get more people to show up.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
stuff like tie-dyed T-shirts and also lots of beaded necklaces which he wore around his head. "Why are you wearing 3-D glasses everywhere you go?" I asked. "I'm only doing that today," he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM! she said, "I just can't relax unless I know that you have other clothes to wear besides one bearing logos and movie quips from Star Wars, Star Trek, Tron and Hackers, I'll never go out with you!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
Only problem now was the fact that scratching the rash had left me with less than $5 in my pocket. I could not afford to have them do that diagnostic test, so I told him, "That's okay, I probably don't need both kidneys. I'm not very big so I must not have that much blood to filter, right?"
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Like Confucious say, "Cat never full." That's why you have to have a wide base, or else a strong foundation, if you're going to make it that tall. So to save floor space, you could try cement ing your mouth shut and let me do the thinking, OK?
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools! They wear out or break even before you've finished one project! It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Her favorite thing to talk about is how she's going to marry that new recruit that she met from talking to on the phone, if they survive the latest mission, that is." That's life in the Space Marines!!! well, you know the rest of the neighborhood will shortly know all about it if you tell her.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways! There was only one thing to do: activate the afterburners!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul. Because quitters never win, and winners never quit. And I'm a winner! I'm also a plumber and I really like going under people's houses. You can find some strange things, like one time I found a fly in my soup so I killed the whole town.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
But how can you tell someone that? How can you tell someone that their grace under pressure is so inspiring to you, it makes you want to be a better person? Uncomfortable at best, and at worst, my underwear felt 2 sizes too small. I could never go through the whole day like this!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder. "Where'd you get that bean?" I exclaimed. She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time. You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Scraping them off was out of the question, so the best thing we could think to do was pry them off with a crowbar, clean them up and stew them.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
"I can't believe you just wet your pants! Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated! So why don't you just give it up and go back to using Depends Undergarments?"
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
She just couldn't understand why anyone would resolve not to exercise. I mean what are we here for?
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs. Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I woke up to the sunbeams streaming through the slats of the window blinds. Something was different this morning...was it...quieter somehow...yes, the hum of the air conditioner was gone!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
"Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!" I laughed maniacally as I headed for Costco and their 750-count, 10 pound bag.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
I guess for now, it was all just a fantasy! She paused for a final jelly doughnut before entering the inner sanctum of the plush office where dozens of models were milling around, considering who would look best in which outfit.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
That will help you smile and feel so special! That's such a relaxing and beautiful big pouffy couch. Come and sit on it, and you will feel the stress leave your body quickly. might I recommend a jackhammer operator? Your first day will probably be the least fun because you will have to get all your shots and make sure your coffee maker is off when you leave the house.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
He doesn't deserve half the credit he's getting on this dig, and I intend to catalog every single piece of bone that I can find unlike the other slacker diggers who every day haphazardly would just come along, completely disregarding any scholarly integrity, and REFILL the holes with dirt from various random locations , because we couldn't seem to find a single location that met all our criteria for what we had in mind for the recruitment ad.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Truly, the purpose of the NINJA is to FLIP OUT and kill people! I was terrified! I screamed out for several long minutes, the elation of victory like electricity shooting through my body.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Meanwhile, across the street, the DNC rally was handing out free copies of the Communist Manifesto, which were all autographed by Snoop Doggy Dog and Jesse Jackson.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest. Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We brought out the banners of elephants and donkeys. We even brougnt out the banners of eye-catching, colorful cloth were tied up in various locations around the perimeter of the parking lot for the purpose of raising money for the annual sack race.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Yeah! Then he would celebrate with a big scream, which merged into tears which shot straight out for four feet, and led to snot rivers from the nose to the chin.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
He stuck his face near, took a deep smell, and yelled, "I know exactly what it is! It's American cheese that you saved to see if it would decompose!" "Oh, yeah! That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with?
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
What's going on? Is this some kind of sales pitch?!! To answer my question, around the corner came a flaming homosexual!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that?
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!! What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
So flush it out with some oat bran! Unless you want to die early! Add oat bran to your oatmeal! Add it to your yogurt! he said as he took another bite of his steak.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
A little window was cut out of the side. Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie."
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
To remedy that Ben-Gay is good. Otherwise you can also rub on some invisibility potion.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder. "The next one will." With that, he picked up a huge axe and smashed it into the table!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
We might even end up with hemmorhoids so bad we won't even be able to sit down. declared Paspartout with a rakish grin.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Hmmm. And I probably should wear my gun. I'm nervous about this, you know. The fact that I'm addicted to placebos doesn't make it any easier. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference. I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Granddaddy would put his fingers in his ears because he did not want to hear the gunshot. Then everyone would join in to cut up the lard and use it to fry the bacon, sausage, eggs, toast, and soup. Now that's a country breakfast! L'il Abner (who wasn't very little) was always hungry. He said, "I want some more buttermilk from that churn!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
I wonder how old they really are. Would they be as old as me?" She shook her head, and replied "I imagine these dinosaurs are at least 100 years old. You can tell because the skin is so scaly and rough. Look how long the toenails are! Why they must be as long as a 50-foot garden hose!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Oh yes, and don't forget the fresh-baked biscuits that were brought to us by UPS, the BROWN people. We helped unload the truck and opened the boxes, and inside we found numerous ants! Streaming out of every crevice.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang. Bonnie put on her leather jacket and her leather gloves; also her leather helmut, but around her neck she carefully wound a psychedelic silk parachute, which she used to land at Daytona Beach in the middle of about 100 bikers, with great fanfare.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
they jumped into the car and drove to the museum. They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum! Even though it was just the skeleton, somebody was scared. But then we realized: we were all scared. The forces of Hauptmann Gestapo were closing in, and Molly was really enjoying her Chinese Chop Suey.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
But that's OK, you have to take the bad with the good. Paris was never known for good manners. All the Parisians are very aloof, treating anyone with a different accent as scum. For example, when I offered a little old lady my seat on a bus, she exclaimed, " Where's that music coming from?
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
You know, I am getting hungry. Is there a restaurant around here anywhere?"
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
We made fun of them because their farts were so soft and quiet. "You have sissy farts! You are a sissy! You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Everyone was totally exhausted and very irritable. Why one day in the mess hall, we had a terrible food fight when everyone was throwing fits about the insufficient supplies. "How do they expect us to eat this mess?! No wonder they call it the Mess Hall!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
How could this be? Every other time the food had tasted fresh and good. Maybe it was because the cook turned out to be an ex-con. There was something dark and sinister about him.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
"I am become death--destroyer of worlds!" I growled as I walked in. She said, " Hand me that application and I will see if you are qualified to take any classes. I want you to know that I make the final decision, so you better be on your p's and q's.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
"Hell, Betty," Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
This time, why don't you go to the creek and wade in the cold water? It will cool you off and you will feel much better. Then after that you can find a good place to take a shower! Scrub off the slime and grime of a sweaty, dusty day. There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!" We had to use a submarine to get to it. None of us had ever driven one before, but the tunnel was easy to drive through because there were all kinds of lights and even air conditioning.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
Instead, I loaded all the returned books onto the library cart and wheeled them into the back room where I could sort them in peace, and put them where they belonged: in the toilet.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Bonnie immediately began stuffing more explosives into the fireplace and said "I feel less stressed already!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
That was the part I hated the most. Chopping lettuce. I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns. Too many sesame seeds I think.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Boy, were they needing some more M&M's on top. And melted marshmallows. And chocolate sprinkles on top of that. "Hey," Betty called from inside, "Are those hot dogs ready yet?"
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
You might just head out into space! However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
he exclaimed. "I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!"
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Laughing, we walked off down the sidewalk, leaving the mess for somebody else to clean up. The shopkeeper couldn't believe it! What was happening?!! Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store!
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You have to wonder, is it worth it? All the stress? Surely there's got to be a better way to make an A on an exam.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased! He spent most of the time talking about himself. As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast. We're doomed.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
How he remembered when he had broken his wrist playing badmitton with an orc. Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR! THAT'S RIGHT!