Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
In that tree, right up there! You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel. Whee! Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Get those steaks ready!! He was always generous with sprinkling the garlic salt, but he was very careful with the bottle of 1931 Sauvignon Blanc from France.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
There was even food for the animals! Suet for the birds, hay for the deer, and for the squirrels, there was no end of torment.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Don't they realize the dishwasher is broken and look at all these dirty dishes!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Plethora. Plethora. No, it's a word that means a tornado probably came though overnight. Judging by the debris all over the front porch, I knew the next thing to do would be to install a charcoal filter.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
water balloons from the dollar store, $128.45 for costumes from "Who Do You Wanna Be?" $59.90 for scratch -n- sniff masks and rubber lizards from "Fun & Games That Are Cool Not Lame".
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Something massive and unprecedented was stirring beneath the surface, and it was probably angry.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Bones and joints moved in unnatural ways and the pain which I knew was coming took its own sweet time to arrive, which confused my brain even more.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
They had every kind you could think of, but I was really drawn to the sparkly tissue wrapping paper! That and the snowflake ribbons reminded me of when I met the real Santa years ago.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
You can bring a few bottles! Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
He'll probably say, "You dunderhead! Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!"
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I don't know why I just let stuff sit there literally for years and never use it or even look at it. It must be like that old saying, "out of sight, out of Tums!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Nothing makes for a better sleeping partner at night when danger is afoot. Unfortunately, none of them knew how to use the cash register! Hmmm. Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Sure, it can be tough, but once the chainsaw got involved, there was great danger! We protected our eyes and ears with homemade insecticide, made with vinegar, water, and a tablespoon of Miracle-Gro should do the trick I also thought a little pruning would help, so I pulled out of my pocket my pair of tweezers.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
All those Secret Service men! All those Body Guards! All those TV Crews! How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
We could not let visitors see them! So a crew of many students vigorously applied their muscle power and with great success, they snapped the toothpick in half.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
The sneaky bastards tried to sting us but we were too smart for them.Once we had about 50 of them, we were ready to proceed. With great flourish, we took the bowls and put them under the dogs' noses and they went to town! In one minute flat, everything was gone and we could not find even a whiff of cilantro in the whole place!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it! At this rate, we will have paid off our mortgage in 22 years instead of 30.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Appetizers get people in the mood of a party! Other good ideas include Burger King, Wendy's, and Hardee's, if you get tired of having pizza all the time.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Excellent! Now we're stocked up for some New Year's Eve stompin' noisy fun! Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music. Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say," WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO! WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?!" This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm."
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs. Late into the night, the whole hall could the CLANG CLANG CLANG, the sound of rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat. Where was that coming from? !!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
We are going to hose water into it and then fill it it with ice. Turn on a high-powered fan and aim it toward my neighbor's open back door. Whee! Now for the fireworks! I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Should I sell everything and buy all new there or rent a moving van? I asked the head of NASA for advice, and thoughtfully, he advised me to spead the word about this legendary plant. Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use??
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
So, now we pre-treat the stains with a solution of water and detergent. Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
The last time they did that, they got incinerated by the laser turrets on Greg's base!! He's such a meanie! He's a gigantic snowman reclining in a lawn chair. Is that cool or not? Glo-Quips sent a photographer and when he came by, he shoveled the sidewalk in front of their french doors, even though everybody knows they never salt the roads anymore because the salt rusts out the undercarriage of the metal railing.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it." With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Everyone loved the red and yellow ones. Maybe it was because their kitchens were so well-organized. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew. Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Soon, you will feel focused and relaxed and ready to go out the front door to my new life! So I put on my hat, opened the door, walked out on to the front porch, and stepped into a new suit!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Woo hoo!!" It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Because if so, you are correct!" He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer. I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning. I had to wait about two weeks.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
They were holding handkerchiefs over their noses and were mumbling, " Aaahhh! and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard. he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy. This is what's known as fall protection gear. Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Against my better judgement, I thought I would peer down into the hole I found in the back yard, and suddenly up popped a sloth! Slinging a sledgehammer, he slipped slightly and slammed into the slick slab.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray. I carried it over to the Speights to see what their opinion would be.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Who cares anyway as long as you get enough Vitamin D. But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!? Seriously, lead?!?!? Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Who knows when another hurricane will come through or maybe an ice storm? Because if that happened we would all have to go back to writing cards and letters.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
When you're buying tickets for entertainment purposes, it's best if you just ignore this storyline because it does not have one.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Then yell, "Don't you dare ever do anything for you ever again! I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place. I'm tired of people wasting time watching stupid reality shows.. Give me a break!
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I put it all into one big gigantic bowl. I had to have plenty of room to make the icing made with butter and powdered sugar. Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon. The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
There, under a little tree, we saw all colors of lichens growing on the bald rock. When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! Aaaaahhh!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
I need to travel to a warm clime, and bask in the humid warmth of the American South. Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
In fact it should take about this long: 15 and a half femtoseconds. You would need a pulsed X-ray laser to measure that time frame!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
"Hahaha! I got yer new year's resolution right here!!" I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl! "Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes! We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!"
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!" So the next morning try again. Every new day is a new chance to redeem all your failures of last year simply by giving yourself room to dream of the possibilities.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
The first step is to acquire the presents. Second, you have to get someone to put their finger in the middle of a bow, so you can pull out just as much as you need. Next, take the scissors and curl the ribbon. Make sure every strand of ribbon is curled in a spiral and hangs down over the back of the tongue.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol. As they jumped into the pool, the spray stung my eyes and my nose!
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
He checked his INVENTORY. It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments. He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue. Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room. We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor! "That thing is enormous!"
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
"How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!! We have only so many square inches of skin! Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Video games are expensive, especially if you buy them when they first come out, or even pre-order them. That's why when there's a new game coming out that I want, I always get scared if I'm approaching a shadowy corner. I'm very cautious in that case because I really don't want for a dinosaur to eat me.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner. But it was so loud, we couldn't hear the movie!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter. Hey! That's my peanut butter!! Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Then you need to put your feet up sometimes. Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great? Then you need to put your feet up sometimes.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed. The remedy for that is to be totally relaxed, have warm socks on your feet, and be ready to tackle the quarterback!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth. Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
But things don't always taste the way we remember them.... This time the Moon Pies tasted like sea urchin soup, straight from the set of "Iron Chef"!
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Even on Thanksgiving! Now doesn't a bacon Philly cheesesteak sound good right now instead of an ol' plastic one. This is the time to break out the nice tableware! Your good china, your sparkling wine. We were just about to open our second bottle when suddenly, hot marshmallow started oozing out around the oven door!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
They were unimpeachable evidence that other creatures had been destroying the test results! I turned on my flashlight, and I spotted something in the corner!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Now he has great breath! (Muhahahaha) He also has another present hidden in the glove box of his car. Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
There was no time for making pizza. We are running out of time! We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
It covered the entire front of the store!! I'd never seen anything like it. It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
IN YOUR FACE!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net. Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
The Joke's on You, LLC." They specialize in sneaky stuff like letting the air out of the sweatband of the hat where I found a secret note! The note said, " Help me! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog. A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one! While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package. When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" I told him, "
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
But just as he was walking on stage, his grand entrance was spoiled by inferior weapons. Abiathar needed the pulverizer hammer which would be even stronger if he was carrying a load of dynamite in order to tie up Abiathar!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I'm gonna be rich! Yes, everyone is America is playing my new video game.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery. But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink!
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
It moves through air like a hot knife through butter. Like a tax hike in a Democrat controlled Congress." I didn't want to argue, so I pretended to be listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!" I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
My name's Carl. I'm an accountant. One day the boss looked over my shoulder and started laughing hilariously, and then he bellowed, " I'm starvin'! I ain't had nuthin' to eat but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days! Why can't we have more toilet paper in here?
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
As soon as possible, I needed to go really bad! I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Show me your passport." And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air. It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Where are they coming from?? They must be coming from Mars! We're being invaded on Christmas!" He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side). We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He had already asked me for a refund. "Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
It would seem that fast-food production was more streamlined and technology-driven than even Dilbert could ever imagine! The new kitchen at Mc Donald's could satisfy even a barnyard full of swine.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Everyone turned their attention to us and the farmer (who was very creative about recycling) used old tires to start a bonfire. Boy, it stank, but the flames reached to pick up a jar of homemade apple butter! I had to squint to read the obiturary, but I managed to make out "squished by a giant pumpkin"!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Into a million pieces of pillow filling! bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test. Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game. Because clothes make the man. That's why I wear dorky clothes and spike my hair with glittery gel. Who knows? I might be spotted by the next agency of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing?
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere. With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Next, I got the calendar and drew pictures of poop on every single day. You know pictures speak louder than words.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
The car was packed to the gills with all sorts of gear for the trip: camera, food, maps, you name it. But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
At this rate, nobody's toilet in the entire county would ever flush completely again! This is great news!
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It really worked, because when we woke up and looked out the window, we saw at least 100 people waiting for us to start setting up! When I opened the can of worms it really did turn out to be a can of rattlesnake eggs.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
and take off my lucky socks. I didn't need them today--I felt like I could take on the world! And I didn't need a stupid navigator to tell me where we were. I knew perfectly well that we were over the coldest part of a TV dinner when you get it out of the microwave is always the center part.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
she said, "I just can't relax unless I know that you have other clothes to wear besides one bearing logos and movie quips from Star Wars, Star Trek, Tron and Hackers, I'll never go out with you!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Now it should be simple to fix. All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools! They wear out or break even before you've finished one project! It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
First to Home Depot to load up with materials, plus take a class to teach me how to install a new toilet.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
This is taking too long. What's your point?" "Okay, okay. I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly. I open the supply cabinet and what do I find? whoa, a flashback to me graduation party.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul. Because quitters never win, and winners never quit. And I'm a winner! I'm also a plumber and I really like going under people's houses. You can find some strange things, like one time I found a fly in my soup so I killed the whole town.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Will your viewing audience please stop throwing food and sit down! This is not a middle school cafeteria! Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
And a tattoo to match! and on the back it would say "got r00t?" Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
"Where'd you get that bean?" I exclaimed. She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time. You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
But he was going to try anyway, and to practice he was going to crash! "Quick! To the Toiletmobile!"
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!" Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
After he recovered from his coma he discovered he had a new ability: he had heightened awareness of a person's inclinations-- good or evil. It's up to us to determine which way the world goes.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Blistering hot rays beating down upon us, we began to feel dizzy, so someone suggested we should go sit down in the shade. A lady brought us some cold drinks. Soon we felt better, so we hightailed it over to the rodeo to see how long we could stay seated on that wild bucking brown and white streaks on my skin!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I have a wallet full of money and all kinds of sales to go to. I must make a list of people whom I want to give back to the community. My present to them will be 40 hours of community service.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot! Blue lips are not sexy!"
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Your first day will probably be the least fun because you will have to get all your shots and make sure your coffee maker is off when you leave the house.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Nonchalantly, I disassembled the fallacious evolution display with a sledgehammer. Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I had enough to make two layers. And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's... I had enough to make two layers.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
First, check out this picture of a double whopper with bacon and cheese! Next, you must only go grocery shopping when you are really hungry. That will enable you to put some food in your mouth, chew it up, and swallow it.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home. My home, seen only in faded memories after all those years... Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest. Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home. My home, seen only in faded memories after all those years...
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
he explained jovially. We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry? He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that. All she wanted was to get him to the car and buckled in as fast as possible. He didn't understand the concept of shining a sink.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
So we called Russell to check out the buckets of unknown substance in the far corner.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Nefarious had unleashed upon the unsuspecting city. Little did he know, right around the corner there was Emil Blonsky, better known as the Abomination! His pasty yellow reptilian bulk towered over 8 feet tall.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I just looked the other way, because the PTA President had a booger on her nose. It was drooping down and looked older than dirt!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Each one weighed 200 pounds! Everyone who saw them were amazed, but many couldn't help whispering to each other, " I surely would like a taste of that there apple pie! I know it will be a blue ribbon winner.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
The newscaster all agog at such a statement, quickly stuttered into a station break, and the first ad was about a block away from the scene.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers. Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Ah what sounds of San Antonio-- together with the unforgettable smell of refried beans, tortillas and salsa! That was Boppy's favorite Texas memory! That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Then, the dancers to the sides move toward the center, and the dancers in the center move you must do a somersault, ending in a backflip, and still have enough energy left to do four running leaps diagonally across the dance floor.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
To remedy that Ben-Gay is good. Otherwise you can also rub on some invisibility potion. Then we could more safely find our way there. So many dangers beset us, we scarcely conceived of ever making it through the maze alive.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's. What a find! I grabbed it quickly because I wanted to add it to my collection.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
You know what it will do to you. It will cause itchy feet. That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Yeah, One says to the other, "I think I lost an electron!" The second one says, "Are you sure?"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
The best thing I can remember is helping my grandmother gather eggs and feeding the little baby chicks. Sometimes we found the eggs in the strangest places: why one time we found three behind the barn, smoking like a durn chimney.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
This did not bode well. The sun was sinking fast and we were running out of battery power. Soon it would be dark and we would be in the dark with no flashlights. It was getting scarier by the minute, so we decided to resign ourselves to our fate. Surrounded, it was only a matter of time before we got turned into dino-hors d'ouevres.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
It's okay. Getting dirty is half the fun. The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden. There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass. Oh yes, and don't forget the fresh-baked biscuits that were brought to us by UPS, the BROWN people.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Just then, Weldon appeared with a Rally's bag in each hand, giggling. Weldon, that is, not the Rally's bags. She grabbed them and shook them.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Her hair was blonde and braided into long pigtails which were wrapped around her bulging arms. Muscles rippled under the skin with even the slightest movement. she said with a resounding contralto. "We have a very serious problem the trucking company just delivered 500 pounds of pork chops to the Jewish banquet hall.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Otherwise, all the berets in the city are going to end up in the river! And you know what that means: a Frenchman without a beret is like a woman without a new pair of shoes."
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
But Xander said, " You know, I am getting hungry. Is there a restaurant around here anywhere?" And sure enough there was a Taco Bell right inside the store!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Unfortunately, one of the more common types of farts is the "Super-smelly Fart". It's like a stink bomb dropping in a room.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
But not good if your feet were covered with blisters, stuck with splinters, and if the ground oozed with the green slime from that pond we sloshed through earlier, while holding up our rifles so they wouldn't get wet!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
It was headed straight for the Health Department. Yeah, those guys will come and they will get out their blue pencils, and pretty soon this whole place will be condemned and turned into a new sewage treatment plant! They all laughed nervously because they knew where this was headed.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I couldn't believe it. All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!" I whispered. a voice rasped. I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Cuz cats like milk. Almost as much as they like washing the dishes. And if you let him wash the dishes, he may notice the soap bubbles drifting in the air, and that will remind him of days long gone by when he used to sit under the willow tree lanquidly blowing bubbles and drinking his tall cold glass of lemonade, and he would daydream about floating on his back in the swimming pool, feeling the warm sunshine and cool water, relaxing while listening to the sonic booms from the numberless jets flying overhead.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
"What IS that?" They all wondered. Mystified, they cautiously approached the abandoned roller coaster. "Hey, let's get one of the cars, push it to the top and jump in and see how far we can go!" So they laboriously pushed and pushed, and when they got to the top they saw what was causing the tornado: the villanous Sky Master!!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"It's just a joke!" But it didn't matter. Everyone brought their posters for the big Super Readout Day.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
After I take a nap, I always feel like killing somebody! That was when I knew I had to lie down quickly and start my bio-feedback session. That was the only thing that worked for me to help me feel calm again, and it helped me also to feel sympathy for homeless people.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns. Too many sesame seeds I think.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
"I don't know what to do with all these eggshells. Maybe I should crush them into little bits and bake them in the oven and feed them back to the chickens. That's what my daddy would do. It will harden their pork brains until they're nice and crunchy. Then you dip them in chocolate, and roll them in crushed walnuts.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Being a ninja is more than just getting super pissed, flipping out, and killing people. Real ultimate power is attained by unrelenting karate chops to the back of the neck and across the river, with a single leap of his well-muscled legs. He found himself in the middle of a big pile of threadbare blue mats.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
asked Sam, quizzically. the officer replied, "It's the illegal immigrants, the aliens, we give them to. They bathe in artificial dihydrogen monoxide which was produced in a laboratory manned by hyper-intelligent mice.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
No matter, after all, that's why you wear armor. It did not hurt at all, however, what did hurt was when I landed on my head in a huge pile of goo. Interestingly enough Sir Greg headed for the gallows with great trepidation.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
his mom said, "your screen time is all used up for today. Tomorrow is a new day and you can renew your magazine subscriptions over the phone, but only if you act now!" So I hung up on him. I looked at Barrister, and said, "Hey, let bygones be bygones and let's all go out for anchovie pizza."
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
and pounded his shoe on the table for effect. Unfortunately, the force of it caused an explosion of monumental proportions! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
What a challenge! There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks. exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???"
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Being only 10 battles away from finishing another campaign, he was anxious to see which orb he would get next. So immediately he began to jump up and down and sing "Yankee Doodle."