Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Will we run out of time to catch the sunset. Phooey! Yes, phooey! Now I have to wait 23 1/2 hours to get to see the moonflower bloom! Until then, well, who knows? I am sure we will be able to find a place to eat, but will any place be open at this time of night??
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
We had a big job ahead of us: figuring out how to get in a vehicle fast enough to outrun the sun as it moved from east to west. Turns out it has to be going 1,000 miles an hour, so obviously a car was out.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Cats, speeding cars, rogue birds...the squirrels fought to survive every day, and had done so for centuries. Once, on the eve of an invasion, all the neighbors noticed more squirrels than usual sprinting over roofs and roads, gathering on the tree branches, clinging to the tree trunks, watching waiting, watching, waiting.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
If you're into meditation, make sure you have a cup of coffee ahead of time so that you don't accidentally slip on a patch of ice and land face-first in a pile of freshly driven icy cold snow causing me to feel the need to call the airline and confirm my flight hadn't been cancelled.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
We would have to go the tried and true route which was to pack it full of apples and hope for the best. While waiting for the turkey to finished roasting, the oven twiddled its thumbs, wishing it had remembered to charge its phone.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
So when he tried to gather up the magnolia leaves, the tree started rustling,he looked up and an avalanche of leaves came tumbling down!
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
So I just went ahead and played, but later I regretted that trolling. If I keep it up, folks will start to never take me seriously and I may even lose friends.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Anyway, it backfired horribly: we were just covered in kiwi fruit puree and crushed red cherries and pineapple.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
I said, "This one costs twice as much. I would certainly expect it to be much better. After all, you get what you pay for." She shook her head and said, "That's not always did the cat treats work.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Within just a couple weeks, I had already earned a cool nickname, which I've used to this day. That name was: Earl. So the thing about a thunderstorm in the daytime is that it creates a pensive mood, full of mystery and eerie intrigue....plus a dash of danger!
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
How cool! When the martini glasses were all empty, we washed them with our carpet shampooer. That thing has really come in handy! After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
It spoke no English, but followed orders well. He was also very mannerly. I could take lessons from him, because I want to change the name of this story to "Who's Sorry Now?!"When Xander heard that, he balled up his fist and smashed the walnut as hard as he could.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open....
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
They just waltz in and crap on the floor. I've tried to explain to them that this is my floor and I'd really appreciate if they stopped crapping on it, but it's like talking to a more experienced person.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes. It was transcendent. Mesmerized, we ate popcorn and drank beer while the spectacle continued.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
NO !! What to do?? They, to a man, all decided to rush the stage. It was pandemonium! Chairs were flying, fists were flying, and threats were splashed across the campus center walls with hot pink paint.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
Betty exclaimed. "That's yankee territory! I don't want no yankee syrup. I may as well have this with a side of socialism and a hot mug of Bernie Sanders Uber Alles. Give me a bottle of Mrs.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Imagine our surprise when we looked out the window and we saw snowflakes floating down from the sky. Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Now I will take a snapshot with my new neighbors. It can be hard to come up with a combination of pizza toppings that will please everyone in the group, but if you stick olives with toothpicks on the pizza, there could be tragic results...like wasting pizza!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all. Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there. Other than that, who would be there? Maybe some hopeful whiners and a few frowning judges. It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Just put in the corners of every room little bowls of microwave popcorn. But the coolest thing he has in his room is a large, heavy anvil. His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs. Late into the night, the whole hall could the CLANG CLANG CLANG, the sound of rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Whee! Now for the fireworks! I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive. When she did, she immediately saw what I had been doing, and exclaimed, "These nails look like they've been through a shredder!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
That's the second stump vine to die this season. I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental! Should I sell everything and buy all new there or rent a moving van?
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them! What were you thinking?!! You know those men in your house don't want to wear pink underwear when I had to go to the locker room at the gym!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Now what do we do?!?!?!? Well, we decided to find the long underwear which would help me build a pink fence around my two cows so they don't wander away from my base! The last time they did that, they got incinerated by the laser turrets on Greg's base!! He's such a meanie! He's a gigantic snowman reclining in a lawn chair.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane. Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it." With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service. When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10! I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say " Merry Christmas!" Or you can say, "
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too?
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Horrible ! How did they get there? !! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables. The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful. Spicy, meaty, and with a little hint of mint!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard. he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy. This is what's known as fall protection gear.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Creeping forward, he spotted a fire ant hill right in his path !! Oh no! So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion. It was amazing to watch. Mesmerized by the sight, we found a place to sit down quietly and stared intently at the small entrance.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up. I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Then through a little crack in the sugary glaze I saw several disgusting guests on late-night talk shows. They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it. Why then would you not want that?
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! ME WANT COOKIE! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette. As a finishing touch, he sprinkled on some red pepper flakes, chopped up jalapeno peppers, and just a splash of vodka.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Disappointed and frustrated, I determined that the cosine of a right angle is equal to the length of the adjacent line divided by the hypotenuse. and called the cops, thinking I was about to hang a hippopotamus. Before I could explain myself, the owner of the garden center rushed over, alarmed yet civil, and insisted that I present certification from the county that I had been approved to dig an artificial pond.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Decorating is the part that's the most fun. Be creative! You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped. The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
I just had to spit it out onto the lawn. There, in the sun, I could see a big hydrogen firestorm. Scary! Good thing I was not looking directly at it, and a good thing I was wearing my asbestos underwear! It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Using all that brain power was very draining. I could use a pepper-upper! Maybe there is something in the staff refrigerator I could sample.... Sure enough...I opened the door and found a cup of Whoop-Ass! I immediately picked it up and threw it at him! He then carried the stack of folders over to the table and spread out the construction paper, blunt scissors, glitter, and glue.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference! Good for you! Keep up the good work! You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Just to be sure, shake it to be sure it's tight enough. You can be confident it is if you leave the presents on your friend's front porch who lives in the ghetto that they will be picked up by a bunch of charity workers. Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
My nose led me to the conclusion that we should call a plumber. It seems pretty obvious if the toilet won't even flush. Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
Nothing brightens up a wintertime room like candlelight! For a festive holiday fragrance, try cinnamon or balsam, but my favorite choice would definitely be soft amber lighting accented with rhinestones and gold leaf. Now that's classy!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet ! Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious."
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
You would have to rush to fill it again with concrete. This time, we're going for permanence!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices. This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!!
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game! Why if I had not been concentrating, my handsome hero would surely have fallen into debt. Video games are expensive, especially if you buy them when they first come out, or even pre-order them.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen. But when I did, he proceeded to buy advance tickets for EVERY opening show for the next year!!!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Put your hands behind your back stalked a ninja! He was there the ENTIRE TIME! When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Taking a deep breath, I pulled in my stomach, stood on my tip toes and dived into the warm swaying sandworms that erupted from the dunes of Arrakis. The heat that radiated from their cavernous maws surged over us like a hurricane of pain.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight. You know it's the little things in life that really matter, so go ahead and get an associate's degree in plumbing.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
HAHAHA!! There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle. We'll have to get the horses in on it too. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests! Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard. Any second now I expected a giant squid to lunge forward and puke his guts out onto the floor.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
My mouth began to water and I ran for the ramp for the plane, but just as I reached it, they started pulling up the stairs, and then I loudly screamed, "
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
What if we ran out of food?!! Would any stores be open? I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
He had to get out! He had to order pizza to be delivered to the lab and the toppings were a choice from four: The four edible choices were BBQ beef brisket, chicken tetrazini, grilled salmon, or a Popburger. So of course I chose to close the lab for good. Surely there must be a better profession for me, like the job I just saw advertized in the classified: "Private lab time needed immediately for sensitive experiments.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
I then went inside the Quicky-Mart and got some Pepsi, beef jerky, Andy Capps hot fries, and some curly ribbon fell behind the couch and got tangled with the golden tresses of Rapunzel, which she had cast out her tower window after he unwrapped the last present he put all the bows and wrapping paper into a large roomy cabin near the front of the plane.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages. There was no time for making pizza.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Actually, I searched and searched for a good parking place and finally had to resort to getting a handful of gift cards at Wawa. Unimaginative yes, but quick and simple.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
so we loaded up a wheelbarrow-full of brains and carted them over to the Wal-Mart, to the frozen goods section.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
She buzzed right in with a big flyswatter and started swatting us on the behind. Clearly she wasn't sure what to throw away and what to keep. For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Utterly freaked out, he slammed on the brakes just in time to avoid hitting the big brown and white brownie sundae with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Better than perfect, in fact!" The doctor beamed and said "Your vision is 20 over 200 and you are definitely a candidate for surgery. First into each eye we will put some Vicodin in your hand.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Moments later, they came upon a wide, glistening puddle of goo. It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills. That was easy. Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it. I then tried to decide what fertilizer to use. I had to choose between organic compost or that big bag of hot air, Joe Blow or Joe Schmoe or whatever his name is.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
and put it in the dumpster. With that junk out of the way, I was able to start moving furniture around so it made more sense. I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink! I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Anyway I arrived and after mapping out my routes, I decided to stop at a truck stop and pick a fight. I was feeling all ornery, so as soon as I walked through the door I was frisked by a big burly policewoman.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
They were pretty sure though that the X-ray would show the presence of decades-old cysts the size of walnuts.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
I peeked around and suddenly saw that someone was peeking back at me! It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!" I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
I decided to take a 4-week crash course on French. I'd never studied a foreign language, but there's no time like the present for developing a smooth accent.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Without further ado or hesitation, he pulled out his Equalizor, opening very carefully the hatch, and peering in; there seemed to be a strange odor drifting out.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We could see the entire auditorium from here, as well as mink coats, diamond tiaras, and fancy tuxedos trimmed with mistletoe and holly. Oh! What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I will be bold and ask him," Where is the bathroom? Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go! The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Just a small faux pas, she thought. Well, think again!! The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill! NOW!!!" But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, "
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I couldn't believe it! What a easy test this was! I had learned this stuff in high school.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Smelly! And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers. That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
red, white, and blue streaks were all we could see of the cars! They were going so fast, the asphalt was melting. The pavement started to get sticky, and that made the tires start to melt. I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar. The foil pinwheel toy cost a dollar. In fact, everything* we bought cost a dollar!*
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It was going to be hard to get rid of everything before the sun went down. My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in. It would take half the night to count all the coins!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
OH NO! We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window! OH NO! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth. We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
"Why are you wearing 3-D glasses everywhere you go?" I asked. "I'm only doing that today," he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM!
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo. Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal. And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Ha ha! I thought to myself, "Little do they know that the electrical outlets are installed upside down. All their cute little night lights will always be upside down--cackle cackle.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard! He seems to be trying to find candidates for his galactic space marine training academy. "I'm only 18!" I argued. he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen. And it seemed to be getting closer!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Many times a person's favorite part about something isn't the most obvious. And they may not reveal this preference to their friends, but instead privately enjoy this secret pleasure.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Why would anyone want to eat eel? It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter. We're going for a minimalist look here: clean lines, neutral colors. So what do you think?"
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She then quit, and got a job at the Farmer's Market selling vegetables. She smiled and said "Don't use that cream for your coffee, because I think it is time to switch to decaf!" She then quit, and got a job at the Farmer's Market selling vegetables.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Ha! Ha! Ha!" He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum! Ha! Ha! Ha!" I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
I pushed the lever and water erupted from the white platform. That's when I realized: it was a giant bidet! But to use a bidet this large, someone would have to have a butt the size of a pouf chair which happened to be covered with at least an inch of freeze-dried shrimp had rained down onto the roadway.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping. We got all-black clothes, work gloves, and a 10-foot-long boa constrictor which was slowly and methodically wrapping around every square foot of cellulite.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
We were successful with ten seconds to spare and then some bozo struck a match............... Through the bursts of flames we just stared at each other and caught our breath, reloaded, and continued firing. Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Soon we felt better, so we hightailed it over to the rodeo to see how long we could stay seated on that wild bucking brown and white streaks on my skin! I hadn't applied my sunscreen evenly! How embarrassing! Now all I could do was sit on the cold hard concrete floor and wait for someone to bail me out of jail.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
So I got out my list and crossed everything off. "Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!" I laughed maniacally as I headed for Costco and their 750-count, 10 pound bag. Once I got there I grabbed a seat an collapsed. How weary I felt!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
we'll be able to afford all the makeup we will ever need. And big mirrors too. When we look into the mirrors, we want to see a little more attitude. Show me that anorexic girl who came in a while ago.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
And that is hard to find. To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive. It would have to be at least 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Everywhere was dust. Dust, dust, dust! My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
And here he came wearing an apron with many pockets! I had to giggle because it reminded me of all the failed projects in the past. I always either had too little lumber, too few nails, or too few employees available to help me!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Next, eat some ice cream. This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table. The helper carpenters sat down, famished, and dove right in to the ice cream with nuts and chocalate syrup.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Ah, the power coming out of my legs, my arms, my fingertips. If you could see my aura, it'd be white with fire and black with death. Death was the order of the day (I suppose you could call a hamburger and french fries that!) Anyway who cares? Ultimate Ninja II would want everyone to remain respectfully quiet.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Where is your voting card? And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are. Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind." I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon. When it was over, Barrister lay there panting. Feathers were flying everywhere. Tiny blood spatters covered his face with his hands, as he heard the prison warden approaching.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Everyone was impressed by all the water running into the gutter. It was like a river of foamy green beer. he explained jovially.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
I said to him, "My only problem is YOUR ugly face. Speak to the hand!
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Enuf into the freezer to get cold. It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!" Who knows how long that had been there! "That's disgusting!" I said. "We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner! Russell used some when he worked at Busch; let's call him."
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
When he saw the Hulk he lost his cool and started sniveling and crying. And on top of that, he even began to cry. Everyone got very quiet. No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, "
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
One spoke up: "I can tell ya where to get some hooch; the best is at Sonic Burger! I'm telling you, you've got to try this onion dip. It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows. What's going on? Is this some kind of sales pitch?!!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Look, I have the ticket stub right here, next to my prize-winning apple pie. Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head! but we grabbed him and wanted to turn him inside out, if you know what I mean.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!" He said that so loudly, I jumped. "Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!" "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
You can just sit in the shade of the trees and enjoy the breeze and listen to the crunching of the tacos, the sloshing of the margaritas, and the sizzling of the fajitas.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie."
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
It wasn't easy I can tell you. I pursed my lips and grimaced and I then proceeded to back up.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
As the dust settled and my panic eased, I calmly put my .357 Magnum back in its holster and continued my search for stuffed moose heads to hang on my office wall. I could find only one and it was moth-eaten and shedding bits of leprous skin with every step. "What are you doing here?"
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
We will swim to that shark cage, get in, lock the gate, and wait anxiously for nightfall. I'm exhausted!" Trying to keep up with Lance Armstrong is just impossible!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
I could barely keep my lunch down. Fortunately I had 2 sets of handcuffs because I was sure going to need them! Now the keys to the handcuffs...where did I put them?
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
They weren't scared. They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff. as if they were fleeing from something. That's when we heard it: birdlike calls, a sound like distant rumbling thunder, and the snapping, cracking sound of large trees falling.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
They were everywhere!! So I grabbed a hand hoe and started hacking at it. No interlopers in this garden! You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like. It looks like a cross between a marigold and a dandelion.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Zoom! Down you go! Everybody out of the way! And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg... That's when I know it's time to turn around and head for home.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
She was distressed to see its hoof stuck between two rocks, but at the same time knew its mooing/braying for help was the only was she was able to find it so fast.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
As we entered the familiar halls of the Louvre, we picked up a museum map and headed for the location of the Mona Lisa.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
Robbers had broken in to the Toy Department and taken all the Hulk Fists! "We must find them! Look the back door is open!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
It's like a stink bomb dropping in a room. One can only hope that one is alone if this happens.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
My name's Sergeant Furlman and I'm here to tan your namby-pamby hides until you're whipped into shape. Maybe then you can a member of this man's army." Seargeant Furlman was intimidating enough even without his gigantic handlebar mustache, but the fact that he would twirl the ends of it when he was mad at us always gave us a warning that bad things were coming.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I'd never seen anyone look so angry! We were all so scared we could do nothing but stand in shocked silence, hoping he would calm down.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I'm going to jail! Ha ha ho ho." At this, we slowly backed out of the room and ran lickety split down the hall yelling our lungs out, "Help! Help! We need help!" Hearing our calls, suddenly out of the dean's office appeared a lovely young woman.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat. 300 mice died to provide you with that stylishly avant-garde attire, and don't let them forget it.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
"That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
It was an amazing engineering feat to build such a tunnel under such a large amount of debt that no one could afford to rent the equipment to dig them out.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
There's nothing like a good dose of Ex-lax to loosen you up. Yeah, just go sit on the pot and relax.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
They must have accumulated for years! Here, take this old spatula and whack the back of the head of any customers who don't agree to 'super-size' their combos." The manager handed it to me and walked off. I didn't know what to do, the meat had been sitting all night unrefrigerated.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
But before she could drink it, she had to add a spoonful of honey and a little squirt of diarrhea, and she knew she should haven't eaten that greasy platter of fries and fried chicken with extra grease.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
It was his arch-enemy approaching! Oh No! Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
And on a friday, too! Now what kind of weekend was he going to have? He decided to put all his savings into that new tech stock that everyone was raving about. And the name of it was "Ackerson Savings & Loans & Stuff".
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Is it programmed for a target?! Oh no! It is headed for a crash! Unable to steer, her frustration at the malfunction gave way to panic as the obstacle loomed ahead, a giant miasmic mix of sulfuric and methane gases, swirling, boiling, reaching out for the next great leader in the cataclysmic battle for galactic supremacy.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
The enemies were pouring across the hillsides, and they were all wearing clothes that were way too lightweight for the unexpected turn of events which had placed them here, shivering, being splashed with icy hot oil poured from the castle walls. No matter, after all, that's why you wear armor.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
This time the judge actually intervened, calling for a brief break, giving him time to steer the ship through the minefield.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree. Finally, they spilled out into the aisles of the auditorium and all threw their hats into the air.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks. exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???"
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping.