| Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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|---|
| 174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
And thinking of that, what does a dog like to eat for breakfast?? Woofles and Pooched Egg'! what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself. Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time?
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| 173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
This bottle had survived bombing runs, train rides, baggage valets handing it off from country to country, until it finally reached 2021. Now in his safekeeping, it was an exhilarating thought to know he might be the one to uncork it one day and unleash an onslaught of antique aromas nearly a century old.
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| 172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
However, I hate people telling me what to do, ...like I have to use fully-jacketed rounds at the indoor shooting range, because they're concerned about LeAd PoIsOnInG... OooOOooOOoo.
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| 171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
Actually, it's an introvert's dream, this whole solitary isolation business. Nobody ever bothers you, and you have basically infinite free time. If you're into meditation, make sure you have a cup of coffee ahead of time so that you don't accidentally slip on a patch of ice and land face-first in a pile of freshly driven icy cold snow causing me to feel the need to call the airline and confirm my flight hadn't been cancelled.
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| 170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
Dang Sith. Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later. So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread! and gobs of dripping fat.
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| 169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
Surely, the fish would either stop swelling or explode! It was a fearsome moment indeed!
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| 168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house. Yes my cousin and I painted it blue inside! There used to be an old Sears & Roebuck Catalog to use for wiping but we had advanced to real rolling toilet paper...Yay!
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| 167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
The best thing we could think to do was to head downhill and try to find some durian fruit! I haven't had any for hours and I'm starting to go into withdrawal!
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| 166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
What cat could resist that?? the robovac started sucking up my sock! Within a second, it had pulled it right off my foot, and then I heard ripping sounds, and I realized it was tearing my sock apart! What kind of hardware did you install in that monster?
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| 165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
He wasn't known for much besides being a great wrestler. But he was also my friend. A bit of a lunkhead friend, though, considering when I asked him to give us an autograph, he grabbed the nearest thing to do it on. And now you know why this IHOP menu is framed and hanging on the wall.
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| 164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
How cool! When the martini glasses were all empty, we washed them with our carpet shampooer.
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| 163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields? This was the moment of truth. This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields? I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline.
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| 162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
Luckily it was activated already, so the geiger counter started a vigorous ticking.
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| 161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
!! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash. All those bank statements, etc., you don't want people to know your every little insecurity!"
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| 160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
Wow! Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs?? But this is an important decision, so I'll keep thinking. There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's.
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| 159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes. It was transcendent. Mesmerized, we ate popcorn and drank beer while the spectacle continued.
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| 158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
"They're designed to be mousetraps, and are cute and fuzzy too." I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical. It bridged the gap between this world and the others, and beyond it were visible incomprehensible wonders and horrors alike.
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| 157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
They, to a man, all decided to rush the stage. It was pandemonium! Chairs were flying, fists were flying, and threats were splashed across the campus center walls with hot pink paint. We could not let visitors see them!
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| 156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
I walked across and peeked through the fence and saw himself! They had lined their entire property with mirrors! "How strange," I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue! The light was brilliant!
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| 155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
And isn't that part of the fabric of life? Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable.
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| 154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
MMMM! DELICIOUS! We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
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| 153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
but then I realized he was listening to praise music on his earbuds and singing along. Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, " BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness.
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| 152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes. The matching outfits looked kind of amateur, but the makeup and wigs more than made up for it with Cherry Blossom Bubble Bath! Oh the bubbles.
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| 151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
But he ran out of that, too, and didn't have any more newspapers to soupify to make more, so he started tearing pages of his roommate's textbook.
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| 150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, " Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!"
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| 149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use?? No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza!
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| 148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
One big one should be all I need. More than that would mean I would have to spend the next 3 hours sorting it! Ain't nobody got time for that!
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| 147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
it was actually mighty spicy!! However, I must add more hot if I'm going to have a snowball fight, I need to build a fort!
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| 145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
It had disappeared ! Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief. It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco !
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| 144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service.
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| 143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
I resolve to think before I speak and bite my tongue if I feel inclined to improve myself. First I took a personality test and I turned out to be an introvert. So I thought I would work on that and turned to the person next to me, and I said to him "
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| 142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
Make sure you never tie a yellow ribbon 'round that old oak tree, because this is a Jonny Cash town, you hear? If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say "
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| 141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer. I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning. I had to wait about two weeks.
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| 140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses!
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| 139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
Better get out that rake because the leaves will be coming down ! You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup.
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| 138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
No, seriously, you would have a problem if you ran out of eggs right in the middle of preparing a tasty snack! Considering all the work that had gone into it, everyone was really surprised that Aussie rock had made it into the mainstream in the States.
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| 137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
I found the recipe in a plant book: You mix beer, baking soda, and then add a cup of Miracle-Gro.
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| 136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
Add to that some bacon bits, green onions, and some shredded cheese, now you've got the perfect Greg Pizza. Toss it in the oven and voila, we are ready for a big bite of a Dagwood sandwich!
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| 135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
For that, you probably want to consider buying a 15,000 amp generator. Who knows when another hurricane will come through or maybe an ice storm?
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| 134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
Then suddenly he came toward us and said, "I want my two dollars!" Panicking, I slept. Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
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| 133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
Why me, you ask??? Because you didn't eat your Wheaties or drink your whole milk.
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| 132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt! I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me!
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| 131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire.
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| 129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
Red clothes will set it off so, be sure to take the time to look around and enjoy the scenery. You will see gigantic rocks like you have never seen before! I nudged up against one, and it started to move toward a shady spot under a rock.
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| 128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc. It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats!
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| 127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
It could also measure each kid to make sure the desks were the right size. Sure enough, one kid was way too messy to read.
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| 126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
Why is the New Year's number always depicted as novelty eyeglasses? Why is the eggnog always gone?
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| 125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Keep up the good work! You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes. and drizzle them with Sriracha hot sauce! And habanero sauce! And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific.
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| 124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
I think we deserve it ! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it !
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| 123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
Oh well, more brownies for us. He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us.
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| 122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting. That's my favorite! He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue. Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting.
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| 121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room. We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor!
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| 120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
Each person has to pick which future century they want and they can also pick out what kind of simulation they wanted to be in during the operation. It was a long, intense process to add cybernetic enhancements to a super-soldier; one that would begin to wear on the subject's consciousness if left dormant.
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| 119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
But I had a better idea. Set up a giant lemonade stand right at the end of our driveway !! Not only would we sell lemonade, but we could also sell bags of ice.
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| 118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
But what an awesome game. What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game. What the hell?!?!?!
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| 117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
"Union forever!" I was appalled and could not watch a minute more; in fact, I just stood up and shouted, " Kill it, kill it, KILL IT!!!!!" I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly!
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| 116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
But this time I decided just to enjoy the moment. Off in the distance, I noticed reflected from the street lamp, 2 yellow eyes staring at me.
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| 115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
Then you need to put your feet up sometimes. Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great? Then you need to put your feet up sometimes.
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| 114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
Get on him, before he prepared the meal. Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight. You know it's the little things in life that really matter, so go ahead and get an associate's degree in plumbing.
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| 113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document. It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard." So many kids, what else could she do? She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds.
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| 112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth.
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| 110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
During the bedlam, I ran out through the back, evading my pursuers and finding myself in a pickle. The car had broke down and I didn't have enough money for bus fare. I maybe had enough to get by without doing laundry. With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me!
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| 109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
I didn't have time now to baste the turkey. Drat! I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house. "You look like a street walker!" I exclaimed. "You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances!
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| 108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
So bright. So beautiful. prrrecciouusss... Those hobbitses are always stealing from us. Those nasty little roaches were everywhere! Someone must have left food in here! Ah, I found an old lunch bag! And in it were stale pieces of air. There wasn't enough oxygen to breathe!
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| 107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded. I then went inside the Quicky-Mart and got some Pepsi, beef jerky, Andy Capps hot fries, and some curly ribbon fell behind the couch and got tangled with the golden tresses of Rapunzel, which she had cast out her tower window after he unwrapped the last present he put all the bows and wrapping paper into a large roomy cabin near the front of the plane.
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| 106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
No one wants to clean up smelly piles of rags soaked in gasoline, which I used to have as a collection when I went to college. I really could not bear to throw away all those memories. Perhaps I could store them in a large milkshake from Chick-Fil-A.
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| 105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
Imagine if post-impressionism and paisley had a child which then vomited onto a sheet of paper: that would look about twice as nice as this paper.
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| 103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way.
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| 102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
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| 101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
So we walked to the Beatific Bonnet Boutique, looked in the window, and saw just what we wanted: a winning lottery ticket! Right there in the parking lot! Now we could afford to add several egret feathers and even a boa to the brim of the traveling brown hat. But to attach them, we needed to use our most skulky ninja tactics in order to get the brown hat to its next destination.
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| 100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package.
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| 99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
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| 98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
So Abiathar asked him to pass the potatoes. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing! After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist.
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| 97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
OH NO, I must not die. In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down! And I hadn't saved my game!
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| 96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it.
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| 95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares.
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| 94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
Eventually they drifted to a dead stop, out of gas, low on oil, and right in the middle of a speedtrap!
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| 93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
It wouldn't have been the first time. They quietly ordered an X-ray of his brain, completely unsure what the bulge was. They were pretty sure though that the X-ray would show the presence of decades-old cysts the size of walnuts.
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| 92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
We also put out a wide variety of chewed pencils which seemed to be coated with a sticky layer of Glue-Stik glue, the kind you get from the Dollar Store.
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| 91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
And with that, he made a U-turn and proceeded back down the road and bumped into a steel spike that protruded from a pile of obliterated concrete. Fortunately, I was wearing my Kevlar vest and it bounced off! It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me!
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| 90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
I was tired of all this foreign stuff.
I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo. So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen.
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| 89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
Where are they coming from?? They must be coming from Mars! We're being invaded on Christmas!" He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off.
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| 88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle.
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| 87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
Oh! What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola. he exclaimed.
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| 86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
I sure didn't want to end up there! The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide.
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| 85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!"
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| 84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
"It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
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| 83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine. Or coconut. Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts! If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine. Or coconut.
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| 82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
I think you should take a break now in order to crush those who oppose us." He then tried to use the cash register, but it exploded! Into a million pieces of pillow filling! bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test.
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| 81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
Bibbidi Time for launch of the Mars Express I rocket was drawing near. We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C.
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| 80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
But I didn't do that; instead, I started tearing pages out of my computer manual and folding them into paper airplanes and launching them around the room. After a while, you will not feel so dizzy. Believe me, your brain will start to eat up all your system resources, until you have made at least a dozen new entries.
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| 79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
"Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta! This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs. Let me demonstrate, Kent." Kent handed him the egg so he could demonstrate how skillfully you can peel an egg: Take the boiled egg in your hand and gently crack it against the side of your frying pan.
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| 78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!! Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time.
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| 77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
Suddenly it occurred to me that I could hook up my Mega-Blaster speakers and aim them next door! My payback noise will surely make the neighbors feel sorry for me if they know they've been disturbing my nesting South American hens.
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| 76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
There's no telling what we will do if we start down that mountain and our brakes give out! We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area.
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| 75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
The vest, of course, is for protection. That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened. duh...I don't know. It's a terrible thing to lose your train of thought in such an intense environment!
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| 74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
Three days later, we were so thirsty our tongues were sticking to the plan.
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| 73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet! "Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished.
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| 72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
I am so limber I bet I could put my foot under my bra. I didn't have a pocket so that's where I kept the money from the yardsale.
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| 71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
But that would cause the enemy to unleash the entirety of his airforce!! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth.
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| 70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
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| 69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
I hear those things can really mess you up. But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown." Well, I didn't see what the big deal was. After all, I was healthy as a horse!
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| 68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
First I went to Lowe's and bought some 2x4's, big plastic tubes, plywood, and carpet remnants. And to take pictures of the project from start to finish, I bought a disposable cardboard toilet paper roll. (Hey, I was in a hurry!) Besides, it only cost 89 cents.
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| 67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!"
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| 66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
I just stood there for a second because I was so amazed that a ruptured gas line could shoot flames that high! It must have been 30 feet into the air. We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project.
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| 65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
I'll be the best Space Marine you've ever seen, I promise! Now please repeat your name very slowly. Because I have short-term memory loss, you may even have to punch the button repeatedly to make it work, okay?" "Wait! Don't hang up! I want to be sure I got it. Just hold on a second while I answer my cell phone........oh, and now there goes my beeper!
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| 64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
And it seemed to be getting closer! It might just be a squadron of Zentraedi fighters, looking for easy human prey! They're in for a big surprise because our landing wheels won't come down. I think we are going to have a very bumpy landing!
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| 63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
No one can take the smile off my face! It's going to stay there until you get a good principal!" "We don't want a good principal!" "We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice.
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| 62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
"Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings. This was the lowest ranked show ever! To improve things, we had to make sure everyone in the audience got at least a taste, so we passed out portions the size of your brain doesn't matter.
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| 61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
I know you will sound like a foghorn, and that will mean that you will need to put some totally awesome detailing on your car. We're talking flames comin' out of the freakin' wheel wells, a Confederate flag on either side, and the hood a big ol' skull ring -- solid silver!
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| 60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
Make them feel welcome! Here, I'll show you." With that, she turned around and punched her in the face as hard as she could.
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| 59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
I put it there myself!" I was completely flabbergasted! I had lost my third game of shuffleboard! What to do? I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement. and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat.
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| 58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
He had super strength, could fly, was invulnerable, yet was about as smart as a brick. His nemesis, Professor Poopypants, won a blue ribbon at the county fair for producing the longest poop--a record hard to beat.
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| 57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
Valentine's Day party. And I'm all for a healthy diet, but don't you think you're taking it a little far?" She just couldn't understand why anyone would resolve not to exercise. I mean what are we here for? We must improve our health! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind.
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| 56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
I got up early so I could watch all my favorite cartoons! First they played some oldies like Mighty Mouse and Mickey Mouse. Then the network switched over to the ads, which are even louder and more frenetic than the shows!
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| 55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
A spy, to be precise. My headquarters is Spy Base Alpha, and from here we have access to all communications satellites, private and government-owned foreign and domestic. Over here, we don't need money; we trade and barter for everything.
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| 54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
I hadn't applied my sunscreen evenly! How embarrassing! Now all I could do was sit on the cold hard concrete floor and wait for someone to bail me out of jail. Soon we felt better, so we hightailed it over to the rodeo to see how long we could stay seated on that wild bucking brown and white streaks on my skin!
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| 53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
"Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy.
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| 52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
Soon their faces matched their chartreuse skin with their pointy ears and antennae. She never imagined Andorrans would be here! Totally confused, Jacqueline exclaimed "Fairy wings!" This ensemble would blow away the skeletal remains of the anorexic models. What a tragedy.
But the show must go on.
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| 51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
And that is hard to find. To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive.
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| 50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?" We did know for sure however that neanderthals did NOT eat Chicken McNuggets.
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| 49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
I have no idea where the restrooms are in this store, and I need one bad! I need one so bad that I can't wait any longer for someone to help me! I'm going to climb up to the top shelf and get one myself! With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet.
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| 48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. That will add good protein without making you feel overfull. Eat quickly, and that saltine cracker will be gone before you know it.
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| 47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table. The helper carpenters sat down, famished, and dove right in to the ice cream with nuts and chocalate syrup.
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| 46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear! Countering the attack with another new move, the hovering spinning high kick, he propelled his opponent across the room flew a whirling bat ninja right at me. I was terrified!
I screamed out for several long minutes, the elation of victory like electricity shooting through my body.
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| 45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards. banner. It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever. So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun?
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| 44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
They were getting tired of all that harrassment. Yeah, and how about that possum! Always eating all their expensive IAMS and bowls of sugar! SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity!
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| 43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
We took some of the money and used it for wiping up the spoiled milk in the back seat. Boy, did it stink! It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit. If they aren't stuck to the upholstery. If they are, we can try to use a high powered spray washer with a jet nozzle...or to blow his big hair dryer over the towel-dried car, for a final touch-up.
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| 42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
What's the big deal? And who has time to do that? He cleaned his sink when the water would not go down any more.
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| 41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
So I grabbed the can of gasoline, pulled out a book of matches, and debated whether to vote for George Bush or John Kerry.
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| 40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
we heard bellowed from outside. It wasn't the first time we had heard it. The building shook with a bone-buzzing boom! Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock. People across the street turned to look and gasped because streams of green sludge were rushing down the gutters and into the subway tunnel.
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| 39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
They were famous for gigantic fund-raising fairs. In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job.
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| 38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
This is the best BBQ I've been to!" He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl.
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| 37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
"It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'" He said that so loudly, I jumped.
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| 36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
Pilot! Pilot! I need a pilot! Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over. Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal.
I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
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| 35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em. he said.
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| 34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you. The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it.
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| 33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar. It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side.
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| 32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
What a find! I grabbed it quickly because I wanted to add it to my collection. I tried it out too. While I was whirling it around my waist, I started to feel nostalgia for the carefree days of my youth, once so far away, but now closer for seeing the whole collection of Scooby Doos all in one place was amazing!
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| 31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
They were all holding uzis! The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater.
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| 30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
Fortunately I had 2 sets of handcuffs because I was sure going to need them!
Now the keys to the handcuffs...where did I put them? Oh, I remember, I put them in the pocket of my jacket. Let me go check." While we were waiting, a guy ran through the font doors waving a gun around!
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| 29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
I think we will have to plant some more right away! Here, take this bag of grass seed and scatter it around the dining table, in between the ham, biscuits 'n' gravy, grits, and cornbread.
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| 28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
Something is destroying the village ahead!" They weren't scared. They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff. as if they were fleeing from something. That's when we heard it: birdlike calls, a sound like distant rumbling thunder, and the snapping, cracking sound of large trees falling.
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| 27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
And it's so strong that if it eats a bomb, it won't get killed! And if you shoot it with bullets, it will die. Let me demonstrate. (Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light!
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| 26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
She grabbed them and shook them. And then ran. Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud. That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang. Bonnie put on her leather jacket and her leather gloves; also her leather helmut, but around her neck she carefully wound a psychedelic silk parachute, which she used to land at Daytona Beach in the middle of about 100 bikers, with great fanfare.
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| 25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
We can just hold our breath. they jumped into the car and drove to the museum. They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum! Even though it was just the skeleton, somebody was scared. But then we realized: we were all scared. The forces of Hauptmann Gestapo were closing in, and Molly was really enjoying her Chinese Chop Suey.
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| 24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
Be sure to securely fasten your bungee cord before you jump!" That is, if I'm ever even at the Eiffel Tower again! We knew we were going to see lots of interesting sights, but we sure weren't expecting that!
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| 23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
Greg exclaimed as he ran to it. "It's out already!" But Xander said, " You know, I am getting hungry. Is there a restaurant around here anywhere?" And sure enough there was a Taco Bell right inside the store!
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| 22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
Sometimes they're so loud they are deafening; so cacophonous they pierce your ears; so mind-boggling they make your butt steam!
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| 21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
Everyone was totally exhausted and very irritable. Why one day in the mess hall, we had a terrible food fight when everyone was throwing fits about the insufficient supplies. "How do they expect us to eat this mess?!
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| 20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
Suddenly he turned and caught me! I couldn't help turning red, and I quickly turned my attention to his corn dog.
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| 19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
FIRE! Get out of the building! There's no time to lose! You must hurry because there's a bomb threat! Terrorists are threatening to destroy the entire campus!!" I couldn't believe it. All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!"
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| 18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!" And if you let him sweep, then he'll want to shake the rugs outside.
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| 17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
"That's terrible, who would have thought ice cream could melt so fast!
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| 16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
"I have a better idea," I said, "Why don't you shnie that light over here?
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| 14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
And when we get there I will buy some sense, and gift-wrap it and give it to you! What were you thinking when you used your peanut butter sandwich as a bookmark?!!
Now this book looks like a bunch of crap.
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| 13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
YOu're an idiot.
Let me out of here!
I want to go get a massage now. I feel tense. There's nothing like a good dose of Ex-lax to loosen you up. Yeah, just go sit on the pot and relax. Ha ha Then you can tell us all about it: why do you have the irrepressible need to straighten out the tassels at the ends of an area rug?"
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| 12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
What to do?! Maybe we should replace them with soy. Do you think anyone would be able to get all those wads of gum from underneath the tables? They must have accumulated for years! Here, take this old spatula and whack the back of the head of any customers who don't agree to 'super-size' their combos."
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| 11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer. Come and sample some of these fresh-baked biscuits with homemade apple butter and freshly churned butter. You cannot beat the taste! Eating these every day will make you feel like a million bucks! This will pep you up: a nice hot cup of hot tea!
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| 10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
"I don't care what anyone thinks , real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!" With that, he jumped into the air doing a phoenix burning somersault, and launched himself into a flying killer leap, landing on his arch enemy and completely smashing his record for number of enemies smashed with a single swing of his Bayou Croc Crescent Kick.
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| 8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
Would you choose blue chip stocks or penny stocks? Whatever you choose you must be willing to keep what you buy for at least a decade.
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| 7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
Sam said, The gravity is very different here, so don't be doing any jumping. You might just head out into space! However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole! The ship contorted in bizarre, unthinkable ways as the universe collapsed around them.
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| 5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
"Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord."
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| 4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
his mom said, "your screen time is all used up for today. Tomorrow is a new day and you can renew your magazine subscriptions over the phone, but only if you act now!"
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| 3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
But on one particular face he saw himself! The similarity was remarkable! The eyes, the nose, even the way he parted his hair. He waved at him, and yelled, "Where did you graduate from? Podunk U.?!!
Your degree must have been written with invisible ink!"
He started to sit down, but
then yelled again, "
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| 2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased! He spent most of the time talking about himself. As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast.
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| 1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
the time had come to eat a Burger King Whopper. "I want cheese on mine!" Greg whined. But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures. Therefore I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good.
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