Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Hmmm... I think I would like some more lilacs, because they smell so good. I can plant them one by one all lining the sidewalk.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
The bottle spiraled through the air, reflecting their horrified faces as it sailed by. No one was able to react in time, and it landed, with a hollow skitter-clatter, on the tile floor, impossibly unbroken.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Tensed, he listened and his eyes sparked. He recognized that sound. Infuriated, he snorted, and the breath was visible in the cold air.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Most people's mud rooms have a bench where you can sit down and take off your muddy boots before you go into the house. This one, for as-yet unclear reasons, had a duffel bag filled to bursting with arms and ammunition. We were concerned, to say the least, but we couldn't deny that the in-flight safety briefing was really funny, even funnier than some of the Southwest Airlines ones we saw on Youtube.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread! and gobs of dripping fat. What to do? Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
So when he tried to gather up the magnolia leaves, the tree started rustling,he looked up and an avalanche of leaves came tumbling down!
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Proper trolling has as many spectators as possible, to maximimize the trollification. you might only see 3 or 4 people. Instead, go mallwalking! While you're there, make sure you order at least one latte and sit by a window as you watch go by the wayside.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Well, no matter what else is going on, everybody knows the most important thing to have is drinking water. The best thing we could think to do was to head downhill and try to find some durian fruit! I haven't had any for hours and I'm starting to go into withdrawal!
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Once, they were humble, housecleaning appliances. Now, the weaponized and evolved robovacs had become an army, one which had a single purpose: to clean up the filth that is humanity. Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Love, Thunderstorms", it read in a barely legible hand. Thunderstorms was never known for his verbosity. He wasn't known for much besides being a great wrestler.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
In advance of your gift-wrapping day, make a list of who gave what so I could send them a thank you note. With each note I could include a handmade gift tag to indicate who it's from-and-to, but instead I'd really rather use this stick of dynamite! I found in on sale at the Farmer's Daughter market where you can find fresh eggs, potatoes, homemade soap, and bunches of bananas!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Everything your body needs. But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw. We gathered all that in a little pile, and then went looking for the all important matches.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite. What a strange taste, like nothing we had ever had before. And the texture was very light, like gossamer. Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
From that point on, I knew I had to block the back door fast because water was truly running down the hill and quickly coming into the living room where we were playing a board game. He flipped the couch over violently, and once he had our attention, screamed, "
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Unfortunately, none of them knew how to use the cash register! Hmmm. Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!" Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid! so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
To keep warm, you can wrap up in layers of warm clothing. And don't forget to put on deodorant because you don't know who you might run into.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Then arrange them attractively around the orange pools of grease that the pepperoni left behind. Or, you could try sopping up the grease with handfuls of brand new copper pennies! How pretty! Now I will take a snapshot with my new neighbors. It can be hard to come up with a combination of pizza toppings that will please everyone in the group, but if you stick olives with toothpicks on the pizza, there could be tragic results...like wasting pizza!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated. The best thing to do is take a minute to evaluate the situation, then decide which size pizza to order, the giant 18-inch, or should we order the small instead of the large?
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Do I need to attend a focus group? And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there. Other than that, who would be there?
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Xander's new home and everyone in the dorm gathered there to eat fresh bread and butter. Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
So we immediately went loco. Smashing chairs, flipping over tables, drinking liquor after drinking beer, queuing up Taylor Swift songs on the jukebox, it was complete bedlam.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Put all of it in the back of the truck and take it to the dump! And while you are there, make sure you pick up some latticework or fishing line because as the vine grows, it wraps around everything in its path and starts choking the other plants when then in desperation they start to prune it, they don't know such actions are misguided.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
So, now we pre-treat the stains with a solution of water and detergent. Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
He's such a meanie! He's a gigantic snowman reclining in a lawn chair.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket! And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!! After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Well, hello there!!! I've been ever so busy lately that I nearly stumbled. Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity. Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while. Soon, you will feel focused and relaxed and ready to go out the front door to my new life!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
We positioned it right at the end of a row of green beans. !!! That way it will be super-easy to make tons of money selling homemade compost !!
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor. To counter that, Cliff decided to shred them.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
How peaceful and pretty. But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Toss it in the oven and voila, we are ready for a big bite of a Dagwood sandwich! Layers and layers of vegetables, meats and cheeses, all between two pieces of angel food cake.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure. The only thing that could settle my nerves now would be if I could take some time to remove all the apps I don't like.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
The options were spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, or rigatoni. I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Three rows of seven each. That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow. But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I need to make special cupcakes for a coworker's birthday. So, I decided to use paper liners this time, because the last time I didn't, and add any baking powder, so when I took them out of the oven, they looked like they would be delicious!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Red clothes will set it off so, be sure to take the time to look around and enjoy the scenery. You will see gigantic rocks like you have never seen before! I nudged up against one, and it started to move toward a shady spot under a rock. There, under a little tree, we saw all colors of lichens growing on the bald rock.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It must have been past its expiration date! I just had to spit it out onto the lawn.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
A new job! How exciting! Getting hired is one of the biggest energy boosts ever! They say the most important thing to consider when deciding to accept a new job is whether or not to include your brief stint as a soldier of fortune.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I am sure I put them in the sock drawer, next to the loaded gun. It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
"OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
So we went into the crawl space and lo and behold! We found a small box, sealed to be watertight! How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
I put my car in first gear and turned onto the street and then what came toward me was a car with a Rudolph nose on the grill and antlers every where! That's what you get for asking the genie from the lamp for a million bucks!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room. We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
You would have to rush to fill it again with concrete. This time, we're going for permanence! We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
My wife insisted I was being paranoid, but I had to be absolutely certain that the air conditioner would never break down again.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I so don't want to fry my new game console! Maybe I better flick this switch to "off". Then switch it back to "on". Then I started flicking it back and forth rapidly, making the lights in the room flash like a cheap rave.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner. But it was so loud, we couldn't hear the movie!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Fortunately, I landed on my feet on a big pile of money. I said "Gimme that money!" But he said, You are under arrest! Face down on the ground! Put your hands behind your back stalked a ninja! He was there the ENTIRE TIME!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure. Nearby there was a lurking police car. People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests! Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Al Gore was busy writing his next speech to present before the exclusive group of European citizens would be allowed onto the Space Ark.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
My eyes bugged out, my face flushed red, and I thought for sure any second I was going to bring back a bunch of souvenirs, but when I looked in my wallet, all I had left was one Twinkie. It was the last cake in the entire world of the once-fabled Hostess cake company.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
:( The sound of fall is wind blowing rustling leaves. The soft summer breeze has become crispy. I know when I hear that sound, it means someone's at the door. And just my luck, I'm right in the middle of a shower! But what if it's important?
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Surely there must be a better profession for me, like the job I just saw advertized in the classified: "Private lab time needed immediately for sensitive experiments. Highest compensation offered. Please contact..." I couldn't make out the rest of the ad because tears had already begun to dissolve the ink, which ran like charcoal wisps of liquidated dreams down the face of the page.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Now he has great breath! (Muhahahaha) He also has another present hidden in the glove box of his car. Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb. Don't you know how to do anything?!! This is the way to do it: First, stack up the ammo boxes you have scattered all over the floor. How can you expect to be able to deal with the revenooers properly if all your ordnance is in such slaphappy disorder?
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Imagine if post-impressionism and paisley had a child which then vomited onto a sheet of paper: that would look about twice as nice as this paper.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way. So I added a whole line of new models of subcompacts. They're inexpensive, have great fuel economy, and just as importantly you must have lots of sunflowers.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser. So then we started to use the snow shovel to pick up all the piles of fly poop FlyLady was leaving everywhere. We put them just where they belonged: in your face, boy!!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
But this wouldn't help me find the hat. What I needed was a big eagle's feather! That would look so cool on my hat. I got on the internet and ordered one from this company called " The Joke's on You, LLC."
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Cheese again, not after the last debacle. That was something else. It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac. He was starting to get psycho just thinking about it!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist. When the other trolls saw this, they immediately knelt down and revived their health.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills. That was easy. Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle! This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So I mixed up a poison solution and poured it on the fire to put it out! That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Melodic crooning by the likes of Barry Manilow were interrupted by a big knock-down, drag-out cat fight. Wow, the fur did fly! Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town"
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter. Like a tax hike in a Democrat controlled Congress."
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
And the best way to do that is to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible; otherwise the patient will ask for more Jello pudding than we can hope to provide. Instead, we gave him two strawberry Twinkies which worked remarkably well, considering that he was dangerously close to defaulting on his car loan.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
And with that, he made a U-turn and proceeded back down the road and bumped into a steel spike that protruded from a pile of obliterated concrete. Fortunately, I was wearing my Kevlar vest and it bounced off! It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood. If you mispronounce something you could really offend somebody by saying something you didn't intend. and you accent the positive and reject the negative, and everything will always look better when you roll your R's, you sound right Scottish.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It looks brand new! It's so sparkly, it must be alive! I wondered what would happen if I touched it, so I did.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
He cracked his knuckles and proceded to sing their little hearts out. and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
We were going to collide head-on! Quickly I reached over and jerked the ripcord, and my parachute cmae hurtling out just in time! I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I ordered a quad shot espresso - only problem was by the time we got to the store, my hands were skipping over the keypad like a skilled pianist playing Chopin.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. What! No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"Hey! she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing?
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
'Cause we're going to need it for all the poop that is on its way. What were you thinking to feed the twins stewed prunes?? You know eating prunes will always cause them to cooperate because they want to buy combat boots in order to have enough traction to navigate the poop-slimed floor.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
They were running dune buggies up there! When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
We were leaning back like astronauts! As if on cue, the voice of Jackie Gleason could be heard exclaiming, "You're going too fast!" But think about it, how are you going to avoid that big traffic jam up ahead? I think the best way would be to just act natural.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric! Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Then we realized we were in a progessive town because our hotel room had "hot water on demand": to conserve the water that normally runs down the sink while you're waiting for it to get hot, there were small water heaters installed right next to the toilet was a strange-looking water saving device.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Every time I see them my appetite goes through the roof! I could eat them all day, breakfast lunch and dinner. That's why I always go to the salad bar.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
But that would cause the enemy to unleash the entirety of his airforce!!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!" But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
The doctor sighed and took out the tongue depressor and inserted it into the patient's file. "It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years." "What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays?
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
It will spark so much interest, you'll be building the biggest mega-cat-condo in the world! All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
I was nervous and excited at the same time. First I assembled the tools and instructions, and then I took a dare and tasted the wallpaper paste. my mouth tasted like wallpaper paste. I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
First to Home Depot to load up with materials, plus take a class to teach me how to install a new toilet. I decided to put it in the garbage disposal to see what would happen.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard! He seems to be trying to find candidates for his galactic space marine training academy. "I'm only 18!" I argued.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Others glory in it, and freely share their personal joys. For example, while having fries at the fast food restaurant, I might lean over to my friend and share this insight about myself: "I'm not in it for the fries, I'm in it for the KETCHUP!"
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
You know they will want to taste some of the leavings had fallen on the floor and gone unnoticed. Eventually, this began to attract flies. "Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
You'll see what I mean after you blow your nose a few times. I know you will sound like a foghorn, and that will mean that you will need to put some totally awesome detailing on your car.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
It's amazing that so many people are delighted to spend so much money for something so simple! What gives? Obviously some of the rest of us are entitled to a piece of the action.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
What to do? I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement. and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat. Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
That's when I realized: it was a giant bidet! But to use a bidet this large, someone would have to have a butt the size of a pouf chair which happened to be covered with at least an inch of freeze-dried shrimp had rained down onto the roadway.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind. A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU! We must improve our health!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
So the main characters set out to accomplish this mission: a difficult job which would take at least several days and certainly be a bonding experience, an adventure. This team of friends had agreed to buy all the ingredients to make homemade pizza. So before they went to the store they made a list of ingredients: Trix cereal, cinnamon bun, chocolate milk, and peanut butter cookies!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Also here is a good one: "To be or not to be?" Me thinks in our midst we have a genuine emergency! The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Once the weather got really hot them Yankee-land touristers might come hunting for your A/C, and you gotta be prepared. We loaded up on sunscreen and popsicles, and took off!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately. That would not be too hard, since I'd already decided what to get for everyone.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Around and around they went. Soon their faces matched their chartreuse skin with their pointy ears and antennae. She never imagined Andorrans would be here! Totally confused, Jacqueline exclaimed "Fairy wings!" This ensemble would blow away the skeletal remains of the anorexic models.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
That's such a relaxing and beautiful big pouffy couch. Come and sit on it, and you will feel the stress leave your body quickly. might I recommend a jackhammer operator? Your first day will probably be the least fun because you will have to get all your shots and make sure your coffee maker is off when you leave the house.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Give one to the director. Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I had enough to make two layers. And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's... I had enough to make two layers.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Now that you've realized you have a problem, we need to work on getting some meat on those bones!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
The helper carpenters sat down, famished, and dove right in to the ice cream with nuts and chocalate syrup. After that I had forgotten my problems and was ready to mix the cement.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's 5:00pm! It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!"
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I had found this out by trying to push down ALL the little red levers. The volunteer outside the curtain heard all the mechanical sounds and mumbling, and called out to him, "It doesn't work like that!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Such a rich food source! And nearby! A messenger was sent to the prison chaplain's office to plead his case. If he didn't get out soon, he'd die. He soon heard that Spot next door was wearing a flea collar. What a wimp. Barrister has no use for such "jewelry". Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder!
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We would need a lot of sacks this year and big ones-- big enough to hold all the money people were giving us. Money money money. We took some of the money and used it for wiping up the spoiled milk in the back seat. Boy, did it stink! It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
You know I think I can analyze your problem. Can you give me a sample of your artwork. Our analysis of that will give us a lot of insight into your mental problems."
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
He stuck his face near, took a deep smell, and yelled, "I know exactly what it is!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
It was easy to relax in here. The smooth, dark polished wood, rich carpeting and drapes, and extensive collection of leather-bound books always served to calm my racing mind.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
A man appeared holding a microphone in the face of John Kerry so close that his nose was almost all the way to the back of his head! "Who did this to you?"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
First Boppy left Gloucester and headed to the airport. On the way Papaw and Boppy picked up Uncle Greg who lived in a cardboard box that a bigscreen TV had come in. A little window was cut out of the side. Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie."
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
It also helps prevent muscle soreness. To remedy that Ben-Gay is good. Otherwise you can also rub on some invisibility potion.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Also I want to swim in the Great Barrier Reef. I am sure when I am there I will see many architectural wonders. I don't know which I like better: Looking from a distance at the whole structure, or up close at the details such as how far we'll have to swim to get to land if our ship sank.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect. But I assure you I didn't do it. Please note how cooperative I'm being. Ask me anything. Because I'll have an answer for you.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
To limber myself up I scampered up the ladder into the hay loft and jumped up and down in the hay. Then I took a flying leap into the big pile of you-know-what! You can't get away from that on a farm, you know!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
I wonder how old they really are. Would they be as old as me?" She shook her head, and replied "I imagine these dinosaurs are at least 100 years old.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Especially if your own son is a pothead!! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola! Especially if your own son is a pothead!! So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He filled up his gas tank and kept going. And then, birds landed on him! So he started singing: "Zippidy doo-dah, zippidy-ey, my o' my what a wonderful day just the kind of day for a hot rod race on the open road. Start your engines!"
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
But then we realized: we were all scared. The forces of Hauptmann Gestapo were closing in, and Molly was really enjoying her Chinese Chop Suey.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
How can they taste all the gourmet food when there's body odor attempting to hide under copious perfume everywhere you turn? "I don't know," I said. "I guess they just are all born rude.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I never saw her again. One day Xander was bored and decided to go shopping. He got in his little car and headed for the giant Wal-mart.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
So we took the flowers and stuck our noses in them in order to hide the poopy smell that was all around us. It worked at first but not for long. Soon we had to come up with another idea. So we took wet paper towels and stuffed them in our ears so we wouldn't have to listen to the crybabies.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on. I soon decided barefoot was good........if your feet were hot.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I'd never seen anyone look so angry! We were all so scared we could do nothing but stand in shocked silence, hoping he would calm down. Suddenly, he whacked the other guy on the back of the head with the spatula!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Get out of the building! There's no time to lose! You must hurry because there's a bomb threat! Terrorists are threatening to destroy the entire campus!!"
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
One can never be too careful. For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat. 300 mice died to provide you with that stylishly avant-garde attire, and don't let them forget it.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And that's ALL I NEED! And this chair. And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
And when we get there I will buy some sense, and gift-wrap it and give it to you!
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
You are so getting on my nerves! I think you should focus on your breathing. That is an excellent way to direct energy. Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
They must have accumulated for years! Here, take this old spatula and whack the back of the head of any customers who don't agree to 'super-size' their combos."
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
More people should be aware of the benefits of tending a garden and growing your own begetables. Grandma loved the taste of her fresh eggs and milk too. And no one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked golden brown teenage girls.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
He found himself in the middle of a big pile of threadbare blue mats. he exclaimed. "How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!"
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
And no one seems to know why! One theory is that blue chip stocks are always a recommended buy. Unless they're going down.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Now I must needs go don my chain mail so patiently chained for me by Lady Man. Lady Man was known through the olde towne as a ravishing womanizer, and had gotten in trouble with one too many gladiators who had come from Rome to the countryside of England to train.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft. However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
All the stress? Surely there's got to be a better way to make an A on an exam. You have to stay up longer, study harder, and above all, pay attention to the teachah.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Greg exclaimed as the speedometer passed 120. His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures. Therefore I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good. And the best place for that will be in the kitchen, where the food is.