Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
When they bloom they will look as if they are marching, and when the neighbors see them, they will exclaim, "
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
There was a collective exhale and then an immediate inhale, because the last thing we wanted was a fainting crowd! But there truly was a big sigh of relief followed by the idea of shoring up the outer wall with bits of furniture and old crates.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head. Tensed, he listened and his eyes sparked.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
How did it appear so suddenly? The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking! Happy and relieved, we smiled and stepped through the revolving door only to be snagged into a continual rotation!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Let's quit beating around the bush here, we're all hungry. I don't care how many steps on the recipe are left, I'm wasting away here. Now please, would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The band would not wait! They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure. The maestro glared and sighed. Everyone was staring because they had never seen anyone throwing beans in the river before.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
I thought the title of this story was "Trolling at 3am", so I went on the interwebs and collected the most toxic posts I could find, and I mixed them all together into a steaming hot mess, but unfortunately they didn't balance.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
/ I cheddar the world and the feta cheese / Everybody's looking for stilton. And then there was a drum solo. In the midst of all that excitement, the drummer suddenly stopped and there was silence for a tense moment.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
the robovac started sucking up my sock! Within a second, it had pulled it right off my foot, and then I heard ripping sounds, and I realized it was tearing my sock apart!
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
I was still lucid enough to know I was falling toward the mat, and out of the corner of my bloodshot eyes I could see the towering frame of London Bridge, shaking with laughter, as he said " When is the pizza guy going to get here?!!
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
We confronted him with rolls of ribbon, sheaths of tissue paper, and a carton of ribbons. If you don't have your ribbons neatly wrapped on spools, at least don't rest anything heavy on them to crush them. In advance of your gift-wrapping day, make a list of who gave what so I could send them a thank you note.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Frantically, I ran, crashing through the woods. Countless branches were scraping me, leaving thin, red trails across my arms and face. Still, I ran on. I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I bought a whole bunch of ropes at Ace Hardware and carefully wove them into a really strong basket we could use to swing ourselves across the chasm. Searching for a good spot to lasso the lead line, we spotted what appeared to be a very sturdy Viking axes protruding out of this rocky hillside.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store! I felt soooo proud! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
They just waltz in and crap on the floor. I've tried to explain to them that this is my floor and I'd really appreciate if they stopped crapping on it, but it's like talking to a more experienced person.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
All those Secret Service men! All those Body Guards! All those TV Crews! How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Meanwhile, just leaving from there was a group of sweaty pony-tailed girls running toward the cafe we could smell the delicious aromas.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
Because who wants a elbow smothered in 100% maple syrup that was imported from Vermont. "Vermont?!" Betty exclaimed. "That's yankee territory! I don't want no yankee syrup.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
To keep warm, you can wrap up in layers of warm clothing. And don't forget to put on deodorant because you don't know who you might run into. You might even run into a zamboni! And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Bring on the onion, black olive (or should I say o-LOVE?), green pepper, and chopped onion, grated cheese of course, and and a whole mini jar of MUSHROOMS!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, "
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm." Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say,"
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Bonus! came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!" He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat." "What is that horrible stench?!" I blurbled. He looked at me like I was an idiot. he said as we sped toward the marina.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
In fact, the bark is so smooth, yet at the same time it is also dying! That's the second stump vine to die this season. I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Hey! Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth. The last time that happened, everything ended up pink. So, now we pre-treat the stains with a solution of water and detergent. Sorting laundry correctly is very important.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home. So, all's well that ends well, and we ate cake and pie.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
It had disappeared ! Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I've been ever so busy lately that I nearly stumbled. Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans. I then went to library, found the most crowded reading room, and proceeded to bolster my confidence by encouraging myself under my breath. "You can do it,"
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box. And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
It was chaos! Drivers yelling, managers yelling, the crowd yelling, everywhere there was space to put a composter!
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
But the skydive instructor wouldn't relent. he yelled over the noise of the plane's engines. "Now get ready for the fall!" He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice. Talk about getting ready to fall! Getting ready for falling? Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Slinging a sledgehammer, he slipped slightly and slammed into the slick slab. He slowly inched through the pasture field dodging cow pies and carefully watching out for the hot-tempered bull, which was hiding behind a clump of weeds. The General abruptly stiffened with alertness.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
When I looked into the tub a few minutes later, much to my amazement I saw the tomato vine growing taller & taller right before my eyes!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Now where is that whipped cream and those sugared syrupy pasta dishes, which are only appropriate for Christmastime! You need to remember: it's candy, candy canes, candy corns, and the last of the four main food groups: I cannot even remember because they keep changing the pyramid.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it. Why then would you not want that? Obviously, life would be easier with a million bucks.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
ME WANT COOKIE! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling. I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek. The options were spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, or rigatoni.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
and called the cops, thinking I was about to hang a hippopotamus. Before I could explain myself, the owner of the garden center rushed over, alarmed yet civil, and insisted that I present certification from the county that I had been approved to dig an artificial pond.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
But he was nervous! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
It sure tasted good! But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly! So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb. Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise! I got my autograph book ready, and waited and waited and waited.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose. So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I am sure I put them in the sock drawer, next to the loaded gun. It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And there you have it, in black and white: Do a good deed every day and twice a day be sure to , if at first you don't succeed, try, try again, then quit.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
What will they do with them? Obviously, they will put them in the refrigerator asap. Chop! Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
It seems pretty obvious if the toilet won't even flush. Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
Another thing to consider: Christmas dinner table centerpieces. My favorite thing to use for that is a treetop angel...dressed in silver and gold and on her head wpuld be a sparkling grape juice instead of champagne. "What!" I exclaimed. "I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER."
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious." Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
They needed to be brave, intuitive, and ambitious! So I picked these three people: Gandhi, Einstein, and Owen Wilson. I figured that third choice made perfect sense because he had just eaten a loaf of bread the size of his head. He then extemporaneously launched into song. he declared, "And it's dedicated to freezing peoples' brains so they can be revived at a later date.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!! We have only so many square inches of skin!
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
What the hell?!?!?! What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game. And with that, the screen went blank!! What the hell?!?!?! What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game. Then she thought to herself: "I sure do hope there aren't eggs in that cave over there."
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
But when I did, he proceeded to buy advance tickets for EVERY opening show for the next year!!! The lady said, "That'll be $700!" He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Then you need to put your feet up sometimes. Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
HEY!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism. So now if you have peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, or peas porridge in the pot nine days old, you can be assured it will be well-stirred even if you're not around.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
This crazy weather had been going on for thousands of years. No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner. We heard a terrible noise and looked out to see a bunch of dudes sitting around eating beans. They were scarfing them down by the bowlful. Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Heck, I'll order some onion rings too. And for dessert, we wanted Royal Crown Colas and Moon Pies !! How delicious!
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal. I didn't have time now to baste the turkey. Drat! I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
So bright. So beautiful. prrrecciouusss... Those hobbitses are always stealing from us. Those nasty little roaches were everywhere!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
It was very exciting. The wind was whipping through our hair and we began to feel the wall for the light switch. We couldn't see a thing.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Perhaps I could store them in a large milkshake from Chick-Fil-A. While we were there we also ordered a pizza to be delivered but when the deliveryman came, instead of a pizza he brought a box full of chocolates.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
"NO WAY!" I retorted. "I don't want the malls to close until midnight! Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!"
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
so we loaded up a wheelbarrow-full of brains and carted them over to the Wal-Mart, to the frozen goods section. a worker yelled, "You can't bring raw brains in here!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Now we go shopping for NEW stuff!! zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
The note said, " Help me! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
It was really great to see how much taller they had become. Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Boy are you in luck! Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions." Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients. i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
When the other trolls saw this, they immediately knelt down and revived their health. Moments later, they came upon a wide, glistening puddle of goo. It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
That was easy. Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle! This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So get out the special shears and with great vigor attack the dogs which had taken to pooping on the lawn. One bladder-full of liquid waste would wreak havoc with my expensive Mantis tiller, which is however so lightweight, that I can carry it with one hand, while I walk around the block six or seven times.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink! I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice. It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
It moves through air like a hot knife through butter. Like a tax hike in a Democrat controlled Congress." I didn't want to argue, so I pretended to be listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Instead, we gave him two strawberry Twinkies which worked remarkably well, considering that he was dangerously close to defaulting on his car loan. He hadn't made a payment in almost three months, and he was sure he would need at least a hundred stitches!
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
That's why I gave him a raise." When he heard the news, he fell forward on his desk forgetting that right in front of his face was his leftover lunch, a big bowl of candies for visitors to help themselves to.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
It does me up a treat! And et, und, et cetera. I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo. So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
We're being invaded on Christmas!" He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off. He kept plugging in lights but instead of coming on, they would just explode like a long string a chinese firecrackers.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
The forces of the 3rd Plutonian Defense Auxiliary were under attack by a Lazor Beam Hydra! It had 5 heads and couldn't spell! Is that like an appraizor? Come appraize my house, and bring your 5 clipboards!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Oh! What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I sure didn't want to end up there! The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I ordered a quad shot espresso - only problem was by the time we got to the store, my hands were skipping over the keypad like a skilled pianist playing Chopin. I had entered my Visa number so many times, I got a rubber stamp instead. I first used it to wipe my nose. I needed no distractions ,I had to be totally focused because of the traffic snarls, the icy streets, and the crazy dudes out front with the pots and handbells.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine. Or coconut. Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools. That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Let me demonstrate, Kent." Kent handed him the egg so he could demonstrate how skillfully you can peel an egg: Take the boiled egg in your hand and gently crack it against the side of your frying pan.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
They must be major weightlifters because that's exactly what it sounds like: dumbells on the floor next to my barbell and other weight equipment. My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Well, safer, anyway. There's no telling what we will do if we start down that mountain and our brakes give out! We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Nobody can match my collection of his memorabilia. Why I even have his name printed on my flame-retardant suit and on my car, I don't know. Couldn't we get another sponsor, one who won't make us wear these stupid ballcaps?
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
All it takes is some education, some motivation, and some creativity, and we'll all have good water for many generations to come. It might surprise you how much water you use just taking a shower. With all that water you could probably survive by drinking sand. You never know until you try!
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
and 250 lbs, could best be described as high fat, high sodium, and high sugar. Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet! "Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
But who's counting, really? Sitting in the hot sun, sipping sweet tea and making fun of the junker cars that drove up was worth at least $100. It was going to be hard to get rid of everything before the sun went down. My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I expect a response from the navigator because I really think we are lost! I don't recognize anything down below.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
People just do not give enough credit to the dorks of the world. So, here we pay homage to dorks everywhere. After all, if it weren't for brainiacs, nothing cool would ever get invented. stuff like microwaves and the thingies that keep your phone cord from getting tangled, but "cool"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I hear those things can really mess you up. But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown." Well, I didn't see what the big deal was.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
It would be a better idea to just call Lowe's next time and have them do it - It'd be worth it! So, to those of you who choose to take on the challenge of putting up wallpaper - my advice to you is avoid putting a lot of holes in the wall, because that will only cause discoloration later.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium. Your armor will display the insignia of your Marine squad, right above the eyebrow, and right below the lower lip there was a kid who wanted to touch my eyeball.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly. I open the supply cabinet and what do I find? whoa, a flashback to me graduation party. I better get my head on straight because I have to be able to see out the cockpit window.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm not afraid of them! Bring on ogres, giants, even dragons, they won't stop me! Because I'm Mr. Moneybags, and I want more of your money; so invest in my new scheme or I will promptly sign your autograph with an elaborate flourish.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Eventually, this began to attract flies. "Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Uncomfortable at best, and at worst, my underwear felt 2 sizes too small. I could never go through the whole day like this! So I headed for the rodeo. I got my gloves, my chaps, and of course my hat. That hat and me go way back. Why, I remember when 8-tracks were giving way to audio cassettes!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Coffee leads to throat cancer", but another sign said "Coffee can cure ennui!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
You will earn your keep on my ship. Now bring me a mug of cold frosty beer! Wow, would that hit the spot!" He grinned with satisfaction at the thought of running up to that hoity-toity aristocrat woman and bumping her right into the pool.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
That's when I realized: it was a giant bidet! But to use a bidet this large, someone would have to have a butt the size of a pouf chair which happened to be covered with at least an inch of freeze-dried shrimp had rained down onto the roadway. The wrecked semi was blocking traffic.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
"The ad said this would make my thighs look smaller!" She said. Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks? It cannot be possible! Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy. It's all about finding the sources of disposable cellphones. See, in the future, so many people had been using disposable cellphones that the landfills were overflowing with them and people were dying in disposable cellphone avalanches.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Now what? There was only one solution: activate the fleet of snowmobiles! Racing to the garages, we poured out bag after bag of cat litter in order to absorb the neutrons from the nuclear fission reaction. It was going to go critical! We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I woke up to the sunbeams streaming through the slats of the window blinds. Something was different this morning...was it...quieter somehow...yes, the hum of the air conditioner was gone!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
En route, we stopped at Arby's to eat. Unfortunately the sandwiches were cold and tasted old.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel? I just want to be sure to put my makeup on right this time.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Ever get that vague feeling that something's missing? What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
We arrived all excited to start our search for buried treasures. First we set up out tents and dug latrines into which to put the daily entries, which should include date, grid coordinates, name of the person who found it, and a description of ancient Babylonian bones with the addition of old photos of amazingly preserved pies!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
See, once you get the idea, you'll understand you can't live on rice cakes and water. And that's when you'll need a tongue depresser and flashlight in order to look down your nose at people who weigh more than you do! God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand. The swimming pool will go there, the miniature golf course there, and the toolshed had to be demolished to make room for the new inground swimming pool which would be reinforced with steel, 3 inches thick.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear! Countering the attack with another new move, the hovering spinning high kick, he propelled his opponent across the room flew a whirling bat ninja right at me. I was terrified! I screamed out for several long minutes, the elation of victory like electricity shooting through my body.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry. Can you do better than that?" but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Wow-Meow! Were they delicious! Now I just want to lie down in the sun and dream about life beyond these four gray walls. He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Everyone was impressed by all the water running into the gutter. It was like a river of foamy green beer. he explained jovially.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry?
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
John-John, my special friend, what I should do...wait. He's imaginary, I keep forgetting!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Maybe we could--whoa!" Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
The Plutonium Transporters of America! They were famous for gigantic fund-raising fairs. In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
When I peeped through the fence at it, it looked like a NINJA! she said, " I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
It was unbelievable! Why one of them was playing the saxophone, and the tune was " Thus Spoke Zoroaster", from "2001: A Space Odyssey". And then, it was time for an ad. A man appeared holding a microphone in the face of John Kerry so close that his nose was almost all the way to the back of his head!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over. Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles."
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Ah what sounds of San Antonio-- together with the unforgettable smell of refried beans, tortillas and salsa! That was Boppy's favorite Texas memory! That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em. he said.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
I decided to take a dance class for fun and exercise. First I purchased my required leotard, tights, and the only other necessary item: a pretty pink tutu! Ready to dance? First lift your right leg and touch your toes on the edge of the piano.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
As I regained my balance, I mumbled, "Bizarre." Not a trace was left. As I regained my balance, I mumbled, "Bizarre." Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
I am going to wheel in here to this little cafe and order a tall glass of foamy beer, running out of the keg, down the bar, and onto the floor, puddling around the table legs in yeasty-smelling bubbles.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Let me go check." While we were waiting, a guy ran through the font doors waving a gun around! He was obviously crazed. Spittle flew from his jabbering lips as he said to the man behind bars, "Go wash your hands in that sink over there.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
We had a hard time because he was so fat. The fat seemed to absorb the knockout juice. But we succeeded when we gave him a big dose of what for!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Why they must be as long as a 50-foot garden hose! Duck!" he screamed. We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
It's okay. Getting dirty is half the fun. The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden. There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
She scrambled out of the car as soon as she regained consciousness enough to realize she was IN A CAR! she slurred with anger. "WHERE'S MY LUNCH!" Just then, Weldon appeared with a Rally's bag in each hand, giggling.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
The dining room was filling up fast, and when she looked in the refrigerator she was dismayed to find they had run out of air tanks. "Oh, I guess we can't go diving for oysters after all! I was looking forward to that!" "You're so silly!"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
"You must really like french fries! But over here we call them pommes frites, and we like to smother them with sauteed onions.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
YES! There in the space where the Spiderman costumes used to be were stacked piles of DVDs of Return of the King, Platinum Series Edition.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
And that was always a funny subject. The third fact is farts are stinky. Sometimes they can be REALLY stinky! And sometimes they're loud!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world! then do 500 more... muh--errgghhk..." He started foaming at the mouth and just could not resist biting the tar out of every single drill sargeant on the base.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Everyone was completely amazed when it cheerfully called out, "I'M FREE!" And started rolling jauntily down the street, singing, "
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
FIRE! Get out of the building! There's no time to lose! You must hurry because there's a bomb threat! Terrorists are threatening to destroy the entire campus!!" I couldn't believe it. All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!"
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
Then after that you can find a good place to take a shower! Scrub off the slime and grime of a sweaty, dusty day. There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I have a map in my attache case. I come prepared for anything! Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!"
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library?
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
So I immediately ran out and found one, and offered to share my nail polish with her. She looked at me and said, "You look so sad.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
It was popping out, splattering the wall and dripping down the side of his face and landing on the countertop with a "splat". he said, "my boil just erupted!" The customer gawked and said, "You expect me to eat this crap?!! It stinks, it's dripping with grease, and it makes me want to take a dump in every last car you got.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
They clearly had been tanning for quite some time. "Hey you girls," I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
The wounded combatants looked at each other and said, " You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Those were the only kind of wallets Greg carried around nowadays--genuine leather and filled to overflowing with Jacksons, Grants, and Franklins. He usually ended spending it on Whoppers and Big Macs, and he always said YES, when asked if he wanted to Super-Size.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Because of the low gravity, the buildings were very tall, so tall, in fact, that they were able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. In fact...
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other. "So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals." "Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Next, he pled for mercy before the court. Desperate he spoke directly to the jury, and he said with tearful eyes, " I really, really, really want to watch a kids' show! PLEASE!" his mom said, "your screen time is all used up for today.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
What they wanted to charge us was absolutely ridiculous. "I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you? You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Considering his cache of armor, he chose a shield, a big one, because his heart was gripped with fear that he would become dragon food: flame-broiled, crispy baby back ribs smothered in a tempting and tasty blanket of spicy hot peppers and smothered in cheese!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
They could buy whatever they wanted! They would never be poor again! And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.