Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Yes, phooey! Now I have to wait 23 1/2 hours to get to see the moonflower bloom! Until then, well, who knows? I am sure we will be able to find a place to eat, but will any place be open at this time of night?? Hey, there's always Waffle House. And thinking of that, what does a dog like to eat for breakfast??
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Get those steaks ready!! He was always generous with sprinkling the garlic salt, but he was very careful with the bottle of 1931 Sauvignon Blanc from France.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
I pulled out one of my several protest signs and started swinging it like a battle axe. The nearest bystander had to duck, to avoid being hit by a flying chocolate cream pie which had been lovingly prepared by Gordon Ramsay, who proceeded to blow his top and go on a profanity-filled tirade when he saw one of the customers use a dessert spoon when he was supposed to use a soup spoon.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread! and gobs of dripping fat. What to do? Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Turn off the lights!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Everyone just stared at her blankly. Finally I said, "Why are you down here anyway? This is a private beach.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Will these trolls ever leave me alone? Don't they have anything better to do than trolling people in the middle of the night?" I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house. Yes my cousin and I painted it blue inside! There used to be an old Sears & Roebuck Catalog to use for wiping but we had advanced to real rolling toilet paper...Yay!
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
The fear in our hearts diminished somewhat as each of the treacherous Kiwis was pushed into the holding zone. Their superhuman strength and reflexes could do them no good from within the containment field, which was also resilient enough to contain a fusion bomb's detonation.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
The Mange had set in with great ferocity. The Vet was astounded. He said, " it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
It was dark, I could not play my games, all in all, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck going 80 mph. Time slowed down as my brain tried to make sense of the calamity which had just happened to me. Bones and joints moved in unnatural ways and the pain which I knew was coming took its own sweet time to arrive, which confused my brain even more.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Now have a seat and relax. Lean back and contemplate what you are going to do next: wrap more presents, or eat ALL the Christmas cookies. Oooh, there's a whole jug of egg nog! I could go for a glass or two of that. And garnish it with olives and lemon slices.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Yeah! I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer! You can bring a few bottles! Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Let's call up a Harvard professor and ask him if he knows why the room is glowing orange. He'll probably say, "You dunderhead!
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Yuck! Well at least it was all dried up and easy to sweep it into a dustpan and carefully dump it into the ditch by the road. When it rains, the water runs down the hill, comes through the back door and flows all across the whole garage and goes out the door! I don't know why I just let stuff sit there literally for years and never use it or even look at it.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
In the last hour they emptied the cash registers into special bank bags and took them all to task on proper upsale technique.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes. It was transcendent. Mesmerized, we ate popcorn and drank beer while the spectacle continued. Eventually we ran out of mushroom booze.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air. Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
We might even see a protest by a bunch of liberal snowflakes demanding safe spaces to protect themselves from being offended. Sure enough, I found one.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Imagine our surprise when we looked out the window and we saw snowflakes floating down from the sky. Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
That's why I love veggie pizza! Bring on the onion, black olive (or should I say o-LOVE?), green pepper, and chopped onion, grated cheese of course, and and a whole mini jar of MUSHROOMS! Mmm! In fact, use the big jar! Some people also like to add anchovies...ewww.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
We are sick and tired of it. I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
everyone responded, with enthusiasm. High-fiving all around, we proceeded to hunt for what we would need: big gift baskets filled with bubble bath, chocolate candy, and packets of candy.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Of course there will be a need for towels to wipe up the floor after the shaving cream fight! Of course Xander won because he had the best aim, and because he also had the best laundry hamper in the whole building, word got around and students were constantly knocking on his door to see it!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Now for the fireworks! I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive. When she did, she immediately saw what I had been doing, and exclaimed, "These nails look like they've been through a shredder! Were you trying to scrape wallpaper off with them or something?
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
More than that would mean I would have to spend the next 3 hours sorting it!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
We went to look for the snow shovel, but instead found the manhole cover that had been lost for two months! "This is fantastic!" I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School! Even Donald Trump would want to own this...
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
GET back in that X-ray machine! You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane. Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it."
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Everyone loved the red and yellow ones. Maybe it was because their kitchens were so well-organized. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
So I put on my hat, opened the door, walked out on to the front porch, and stepped into a new suit! Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Stop looking at my bum and get on with your work!" "Do you think I am a GARDENER??? Because if so, you are correct!" He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer. I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds. Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose. sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I looked, up into the sky and there was shining the Blue Moon !! How peaceful and pretty. But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
And his line is "Ayyyy." Boooooo Wooooo was that an excellent comeback or what?! Wheeee we said as we sailed down the waterslide straight into a big pool of water mixed with just enough corn starch to Eat. Whaaaaat are you saying?
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation. Only then can a person really have the courage to stand up before an audience and give a rallying speech. Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
So many new beginnings! It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I had to have plenty of room to make the icing made with butter and powdered sugar. Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon. The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Then when all the cookies were gone they all got out their flashlights hoping to find their way back down the mountain, and all the time they were watching out for armadillos.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. But he was a big fan of just taking a nap!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
That job took you to the back room to show you where to sit and how long it will take for the next assignment. In fact it should take about this long: 15 and a half femtoseconds. You would need a pulsed X-ray laser to measure that time frame! It could also measure each kid to make sure the desks were the right size.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone! Why is the eggnog always gone? Why is the New Year's number always depicted as novelty eyeglasses?
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific. For example, don't just say that you're going to lose weight. Say you're going to take a trip around the world !! Just make sure you stop at the first sign of feeling faint.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Presents to sort! The wrapping paper I bought on Dec. 26....where was it??I found all of it in the back of the car. The first step is to acquire the presents. Second, you have to get someone to put their finger in the middle of a bow, so you can pull out just as much as you need.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
We had to get to work! I asked Bonnie to go buy lots of candles. Nothing brightens up a wintertime room like candlelight! For a festive holiday fragrance, try cinnamon or balsam, but my favorite choice would definitely be soft amber lighting accented with rhinestones and gold leaf.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could! Bursting through the opening, they couldn't believe their eyes: the new wireless mouse was growing fur and teeth !!!!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Maybe one choice would be Mr. T. I pity the fool! Quit your jibba-jabba! I ain't flying in no plane, you crazy alien from Mars!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
We have only so many square inches of skin! Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Then I started flicking it back and forth rapidly, making the lights in the room flash like a cheap rave. All I needed to do was add music, and then people would really flock to my door. We could have an all-nighter playing The Best Video Game of the Year! And I am sure they would all bring their own beer.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Only, I don't think anyone else understood why I went to the movies even though I was blind! They didn't realize that my excellent sense of hearing allowed me to pick up even the slightest nuance of sound, and my vivid imagination I never would have guessed she would DIE from it!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
The heat that radiated from their cavernous maws surged over us like a hurricane of pain. We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
HEY!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami. We could see it coming it the far distance! It looked like a gigantic tortoise, heaving up out of the earth. Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face. I could count the individual strands of Rayon that composed pink fuzzy dice dangling from his rearview mirror.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
"You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I forgot to put on the lid! All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
I have to poop! But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
While we were there we also ordered a pizza to be delivered but when the deliveryman came, instead of a pizza he brought a box full of chocolates. As he opened them, he said, "Mama used to say life is like a box of chocolates.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Every year, I tell myself I'm going to get my Christmas shopping started early, and each year I put it off until I'm frantically shopping at the last minute.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, " Help me reload my shotgun! That dern zombie took a chunk out of my arm and I can barely keep my eyelids open!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
The best teachers for this activity are female ! But that's OK! As a male, I know how to get things done.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
But this wouldn't help me find the hat. What I needed was a big eagle's feather! That would look so cool on my hat.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients. i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
That ploy would never work, because a hero gets tired of going to the hospital over and over! Abiathar needs Artorios's help. So Abiathar asked him to pass the potatoes. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing! After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
What a relief! Then the next day I am ready to open fire with my thermonuclear missile pack. I activated the targeting mechanism, punched in the coordinates, and pushed the escape button over and over to no avail. OH NO, I must not die. In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble. They were 30 feet tall, 2 feet wide, and frankly they stink and I don't want them in my garden anymore.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
that every day I need to load Oblivion and do some more killin'. More killin' means more XP and loot, which I'll need in order to keep the cats off the floor I built a neat wooden dining table complete with a covering of Chee-tohs dust.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
HIT THE--" He never finished his sentence, however, because that biggy size hot chocolate just spilled in his lap! He swiftly landed in full view of the spectators that had gathered to watch the race!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
the spindly, gray-skinned doctor intoned. "I hope you have a good insurance policy, because you are SURELY going to need it!" This bold statement caused a huge increase in his medical malpractice insurance premiums.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It was crunchy and really really tasty! I gathered up a few and put them in my pocket so I could give them to the police officer when he hauled me in for questioning before being charged with trespassing.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
and you accent the positive and reject the negative, and everything will always look better when you roll your R's, you sound right Scottish.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I realized that whichever one of us was driving would really have to pay attention, knowing that they were about to be invaded by Germany again! Already, I could hear the sound of heavy traffic. This made me feel very much like an Ugly American.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
That ought to kick it up a notch! BAM! He slapped a $500 dollar bill on the counter. "Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
I'm good at that!! Cackling evilly, I carved scary faces into all the pumpkins in the patch! Then all the seeds and pulp I threw into the back of my Dodge Ram pickup truck.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back. I know that will make you feel completely relaxed.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Believe me, your brain will start to eat up all your system resources, until you have made at least a dozen new entries. You cannot leave the classroom until you have erased all your data, then you get to start all over!! HA!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
he said cautiously. a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
We were leaning back like astronauts! As if on cue, the voice of Jackie Gleason could be heard exclaiming, "You're going too fast!" But think about it, how are you going to avoid that big traffic jam up ahead? I think the best way would be to just act natural. That way we can glide more easily into the gulch, where we will be protected from the oncoming onslaught of tornadoes.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself! What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
In fact, everything we bought cost a dollar! Then we realized we were in a progessive town because our hotel room had "hot water on demand": to conserve the water that normally runs down the sink while you're waiting for it to get hot, there were small water heaters installed right next to the toilet was a strange-looking water saving device.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Every time I see them my appetite goes through the roof! I could eat them all day, breakfast lunch and dinner.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
But who's counting, really? Sitting in the hot sun, sipping sweet tea and making fun of the junker cars that drove up was worth at least $100.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Now the fun begins! The co-pilot thought I was kidding, but far be it from me to let him know what was really going on. He'd probably just freak out and start to open up the escape hatch. But that would cause the enemy to unleash the entirety of his airforce!! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said! Well, after hearing that, I was ready to sharpen all my pencils, and I discovered I need to go buy a new pocketsize spiral notebook and a black power cable.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I hear those things can really mess you up. But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown." Well, I didn't see what the big deal was.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Now it should be simple to fix. All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store. It will spark so much interest, you'll be building the biggest mega-cat-condo in the world!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
As I prepared the next strip, I suddenly has the urge to pee. But the toilet had been removed! So I went upstairs and screamed to let out the frustration.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I flicked the switch and the loud noise that erupted sounded like a hundred termites trying to chew through the wall!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
He seems to be trying to find candidates for his galactic space marine training academy. "I'm only 18!" I argued. he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Just give me a second. and see right before our eyes the ground rushing up toward us! No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels! Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Or while ordering a big ice cream sundae, someone might conspiratorially inform the person making it, "I'm not in it for the ice cream, I'm in it for the fame! The adoration, the adulation, the accolade...ization.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings. This was the lowest ranked show ever! To improve things, we had to make sure everyone in the audience got at least a taste, so we passed out portions the size of your brain doesn't matter.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
It's like the heartbeat of the spirit, man. It's the soundtrack of life. You gotta have a belt with those pants if you don't want to be holding them up all day!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks. I hate it when they serve me coffee. I wish they would go work at becoming more efficient at the cash register!" He, with furrowed brow, and she, petulant, continued to argue over which was the best sweetener.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
You stop traffic while I wash this man's windshield! He will surely reward me with a big wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt, I look just like a bunny rabbit! Hop, hop, hop!" He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear! Whew! Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
There was utter pandemonium until Mr. T. 's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, "
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It's up to us to determine which way the world goes. With the intelligence we gain, not so good...That is the question. Also here is a good one: "To be or not to be?" Me thinks in our midst we have a genuine emergency!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas. How lilting was the music. It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink. Fanning myself and perspiring, I went inside to cool off. The A/C was cranked up (or is it down?), fortunately.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
So I got out my list and crossed everything off. "Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!" I laughed maniacally as I headed for Costco and their 750-count, 10 pound bag. Once I got there I grabbed a seat an collapsed. How weary I felt! It was as if I had no limit on my credit cards!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Now fix your wardrobe immediately!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress? Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot!
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
You wouldn't want to come back to a place with such rotten food. Chicken and prunes! Yuk! I would rather have a deadly attack robot!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?" We did know for sure however that neanderthals did NOT eat Chicken McNuggets.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I always either had too little lumber, too few nails, or too few employees available to help me! I have no idea where the restrooms are in this store, and I need one bad! I need one so bad that I can't wait any longer for someone to help me! I'm going to climb up to the top shelf and get one myself!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Point out to me what you are choosing: to live a normal life, or to waste away like an orchid in Death Valley. Because that's where you are, you know-- but try not to think about it.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
"Well, at least I didn't try to dig a basement. I'm sure if I did I would have an underground playroom!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
A good Ninja has excellent freckle patterns. These can be achieved by correct application of sunscreen and limiting your time in the sun, for day brings visibility, and a ninja must be unseen as much as possible! Therefore most ninjas tend to sleep only 2 hours at a time. Then it's back to the gym to practice yoga and sip nutritional frothy ice cream sodas!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun? I bet that would get more people to vote! You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN ! It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Puzzling over this, he decided to call for help from the adjoining nest, so they could quickly get the worms underground before the birds got them. Such a rich food source! And nearby! A messenger was sent to the prison chaplain's office to plead his case. If he didn't get out soon, he'd die.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
It was hopeless. I kicked it over the edge of the stage. Everyone seemed to be clapping too hard or too soft. It was hopeless.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
"We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk. Being careful of the broken glass, I hurried to the comic book store to see if I made the cover of the new HULK SMASH!
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!" she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
But we controlled ourselves and decided to give him the riot act. He was behaving like a crazy judge out to block anyone and everyone from winning a blue ribbon, much less the coveted county prize: the purple ribbon.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Hurricane Bonnie had wiped out all of the office staff. Without meeting the deadlines on the paperwork, dozens of suspects would go free! Frantically, the police captain called a temp agency. They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
he said as he took another bite of his steak. It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
I want to see the Pullman cars again and sit on the sofas made from styrofoam and gasoline.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it. So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience. Then, the dancers to the sides move toward the center, and the dancers in the center move you must do a somersault, ending in a backflip, and still have enough energy left to do four running leaps diagonally across the dance floor.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Then we could more safely find our way there. So many dangers beset us, we scarcely conceived of ever making it through the maze alive. Giant scorpions, venomous snakes and worse hounded our every step. We turned a corner and tripped over a string somebody had stretched along near the floor!
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I tried it out too. While I was whirling it around my waist, I started to feel nostalgia for the carefree days of my youth, once so far away, but now closer for seeing the whole collection of Scooby Doos all in one place was amazing!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning. Now we are headed for the North Pole!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
But first give me that first phone call, because I am going to call my partner. I have a joke to tell him. Did you hear the one about the two atoms walking along? Yeah, One says to the other, "I think I lost an electron!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
And when you're done with that, go fetch us some more sweet tea. Then it's time to eat! Here, take this bag of grass seed and scatter it around the dining table, in between the ham, biscuits 'n' gravy, grits, and cornbread. And when you're done with that, go fetch us some more sweet tea.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
as if they were fleeing from something. That's when we heard it: birdlike calls, a sound like distant rumbling thunder, and the snapping, cracking sound of large trees falling. We didn't know what it was and adrenalin surged as we all jumped to our feet.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
This is the good stuff! Now take it and smoosh it together with your hands. It's okay. Getting dirty is half the fun. The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
she shouted. "I can't hear you!" He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving. But he could not hear her! Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on. Now she was getting mad because he wasn't answering her. He knew she was mad because she turned into a werewolf!
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Her hair was blonde and braided into long pigtails which were wrapped around her bulging arms. Muscles rippled under the skin with even the slightest movement.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I agreed, "Lucky for us...I can't believe I slept till noon and I'm STILL tired! I need a cappucino to wake up!"
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I said, "Who wants those old toys made in China anyway? I think Ethan and I can make better toys on our own.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
The Galactic Fart: with this fart, it seems like farts are stinky all the time. I don't know why I have to smell them when I'm in the same room with one.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
What I couldn't understand was why we never got to sleep more than 5 hours at a time. Everyone was totally exhausted and very irritable. Why one day in the mess hall, we had a terrible food fight when everyone was throwing fits about the insufficient supplies. "How do they expect us to eat this mess?!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I asked, drooling. he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something. Here, rinse it off with this sprayer. NOT AT ME! Aim it that way!" Quickly, I retrieved the wiggling hose and finished cleaning up.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
From her shiny blonde hair to her pretty face, impeccable spring pastel suit and pristine, stylish shoes, she was the picture of confident perfection.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Yeah, and we need some meats! And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air. We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation. This one has been a blast! We have had so much fun that I know next summer will be even better. I just must remember next time to bring more Immodium A-D. This crazy Mexican food is flowing through me like a dirt river." That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach. It frightened everyone down there, but I reassured them saying, "
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Why does everything have to be ethnic? What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library? With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume? That'll liven things up around here!" Alas, every book in the entire library was checked out.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Bonnie exclaimed, " If we could all just CALM DOWN! Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall! (giggle!)" About an hour later we were all too drunk to stand up, but we sure weren't stressed anymore. We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Peppers. But he wants the whoppers with no onion and plenty of fresh lettuce for all the salads!
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Grandma rose early in the morning and drank her coffee while she listened to the rooster crowing. Then she put on her apron and started making biscuits.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Dance like no one's watching!" "I don't care what anyone thinks , real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!" With that, he jumped into the air doing a phoenix burning somersault, and launched himself into a flying killer leap, landing on his arch enemy and completely smashing his record for number of enemies smashed with a single swing of his Bayou Croc Crescent Kick.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Unless they're going down. In which case, he proceeded to sweep up all the ticker tape from the Exchange floor.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Who will draw the long straw to be in it? Who will excape the seething blubbery morass of stinking foul alien green cards.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!" He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket. That's what the country's coming to. A parking lot here, a parking lot there, and pretty soon you've got some real evidence there! Let me get a closer look.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
"I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you? You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop. Then you do it again with a bigger stick. You continue this until you're an ultimate ninja, and we will all thumb our noses at you, because your strength will be like a river, rushing along pell mell with not a backward glance, gleefully heading for a sure collision with that wall!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Her manner frightened the man somewhat, so he stammered Woo Baby, I just wet my pants! Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy. I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Once upon a time, there lived a giant computer. It was powerful. So powerful, in fact, So they went ahead and ran around the block fifteen times just to be sure. the time had come to eat a Burger King Whopper.