Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
that's not got much Spam in it." And when they say, "I don't want ANY Spam! then I'll reply, "You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen!! You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen! Can you not see that bird's nest? In that tree, right up there!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Just 2 more weeks and we will have an extra hour of daylight! I welcome that as much as I welcome having more hours of daylight to work outside in the yard, there's also something to be said for the comfort of a sherpa blanket. It is so cozy and wraps you in fuzzy warmth and makes you feel as if you might not have washed these pants as well as you should have.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
I was at a loss. How should I feel? I chose to feel enraged and offended.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
This one, for as-yet unclear reasons, had a duffel bag filled to bursting with arms and ammunition.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Hurry! Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
When you stop to think about it, we spend a lot of time installing things: software, shelves, popes, ...Wait!
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Will these trolls ever leave me alone? Don't they have anything better to do than trolling people in the middle of the night?" I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Fresh-faced cadets leapt into gun emplacements and cockpits, scarcely believing they were actually going to see combat. Even worse, this an enemy they had never seen before; they swarmed over the horizon, rising to block the sun, the chattering of their thousands of quadcopter blades unmistakable even though they were still miles away.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Why of course: Thunderstorms' trainer, big brother, and Union Jack-adorned fellow wrestler, London Bridge. Bridge was the broadest of wrestlers in the league, and about twice as wide as a mere mortal. He tried not to walk sideways to get through most doorways but he had to anyway, and he took in stride when the rest of us ribbed him about it.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
And everyone vowed, "I won't stop until I get my revenge on you!" It was then I finally realized as I reflected on everything that had happened, that this had truly been the best Christmas ever!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery. It spoke no English, but followed orders well. He was also very mannerly. I could take lessons from him, because I want to change the name of this story to "Who's Sorry Now?!"When Xander heard that, he balled up his fist and smashed the walnut as hard as he could.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Let's call up a Harvard professor and ask him if he knows why the room is glowing orange.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
What to do?? Well you have to start somewher' Why not start in this corner where there is an unnecessary collection of used tissues. I couldn't discard them, because what if the Illuminati found them and extracted my DNA from the snot?
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
All the customers will surely think I am a real man because I could handle sweeping the parking lot in the midday sun! My next challenge is to quit messing around and get a REAL job, like you know, I want a big salary, and no sweaty job.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Even worse, deflated balloons were starting to droop into it, getting sticky, like ponderous, buoyant doughnuts glazing themselves. In planning for the Kidz Festival, it looks like we overestimated the resilience of grass.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
I thought. "They're designed to be mousetraps, and are cute and fuzzy too." I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums." That sounded good, but I had to wonder if there would be enough butter pecan ice cream to go around.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
But at the same time we would attempt to eat one hot pepper each. The winner would be able to do it with the least amount of elbow grease....and what a relief that was!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy. And isn't that part of the fabric of life?
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
To serve attractively, place the pizza in my mouth!! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Oh the bubbles. There were so many that we didn't know where to look!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
They're delighted with the constant flow of free T-shirts, hors d'oeuvres, gift bags, and lanyards with name tags that say, " Welcome to Engineering Country!Now proceed into the Student Center where you will be issued a tote bag full of water guns.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!" As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, " Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!" We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Put all of it in the back of the truck and take it to the dump! And while you are there, make sure you pick up some latticework or fishing line because as the vine grows, it wraps around everything in its path and starts choking the other plants when then in desperation they start to prune it, they don't know such actions are misguided.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
The last time that happened, everything ended up pink. So, now we pre-treat the stains with a solution of water and detergent. Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
We went to look for the snow shovel, but instead found the manhole cover that had been lost for two months! "This is fantastic!" I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School! Even Donald Trump would want to own this... I will call him right away and say."
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
I tried to buy a burrito at Taco Bell with one of them, but the guy said, " GET back in that X-ray machine! You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service. When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Confronted with a mob of irritated neighbors, I ran back into the house and packed!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Sweating, I said "Give me that package!" But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
"Do you think I am a GARDENER??? Because if so, you are correct!" He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The street was not too busy, except around lunchtime when my stomach was really growling and my co-workers I am sure could hear the embarrassing sounds of grinding gears. Apparently someone doesn't know how to use a manual transmission.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
"You can't ever have too much butternut squash, because we want to make soup with it !Bowls and bowls of soup seasoned with sprinkles of rosemary.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray. I carried it over to the Speights to see what their opinion would be. And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself! Then through a little crack in the sugary glaze I saw several disgusting guests on late-night talk shows.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
So I started taking classes on business at the local community college. I also took my time thinking up a good password. too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
We are all getting tired of this continual harassment. And make sure you tell him to bring exact change. When you're buying tickets for entertainment purposes, it's best if you just ignore this storyline because it does not have one.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets. If something is missing, always remember: look under the couch cushions for any stray peanuts.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Xander wanted to melt some aluminum cans, so he started by building a big round table for the knights of King Arthur!
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I had to have plenty of room to make the icing made with butter and powdered sugar. Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon. The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb. Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
I was watching for turbans, scarves, and most of all I was mindful of the gap. If there's one thing I know, it's that you never want to lace-up shoes to the airport, because they are too hard to get on and off, especially if they are laced with arsenic!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
on every paper except one, on which she wrote: "100%" She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right. She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, Family Handyman, as well as buckets of confetti, streamers, and plenty of loud outfits that we got from the thrift store. They were cheap, but smelled like peppermint cocoa....yum !! I could drink a giant mug of that!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And now you know how to make your neighbors your best friends for life !Just walk over, knock on their door and with great enthusiasm, say, " I knew I could do it!" Just make sure you stop at the first sign of feeling faint.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
From there they will be handed out to homeless people. What will they do with them? Obviously, they will put them in the refrigerator asap. Chop! Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Hopefully we would get some fresh water out of this. Skeptically, I lifted up tile after tile from the floor and underneath I saw a great deal of cat hair, all matted together into a gluey fabric reminiscent of the feeling you get while watching episodes of "This Old House."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
That's my favorite! Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting. That's my favorite! He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
"That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet !
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
What lies beyond our Milky Way, in that massive universe? With the advent of SDW (Space and Dimensional Warp) travel, it was now possible to find out. I was the admiral of the first fleet to set off into the universe's darkest corners, and as the one in charge, I needed to handpick my coworkers.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
My wife insisted I was being paranoid, but I had to be absolutely certain that the air conditioner would never break down again. Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
This doesn't look good. I so don't want to fry my new game console! Maybe I better flick this switch to "off".
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
"Bwahahaha!" I cackled gleefully. "They'll never ever find their way outta here with all the lights out!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles. It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Then you need to put your feet up sometimes. Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great? Then you need to put your feet up sometimes. Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack! He gets into everything!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
We heard a terrible noise and looked out to see a bunch of dudes sitting around eating beans. They were scarfing them down by the bowlful. Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
First you have to locate your luggage. You know it is in the attic, but when you look for it, instead you find luggage with broken wheels.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Even on Thanksgiving! Now doesn't a bacon Philly cheesesteak sound good right now instead of an ol' plastic one. This is the time to break out the nice tableware!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
It was a bunch of sticks of dynamite! Now how did those get in here? Well, they were in the way so I moved them next to my collection of Bunsen burners, candles, and fireworks.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Now he has great breath! (Muhahahaha) He also has another present hidden in the glove box of his car. Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
In fact, down on the floor in the far corner, I found a reason to live again! Now I'll never have to hunt for a tool again! Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages. There was no time for making pizza.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Imagine if post-impressionism and paisley had a child which then vomited onto a sheet of paper: that would look about twice as nice as this paper.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Most people who encounter the brown hat will never be affected by the hat's presence.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
It was really great to see how much taller they had become. Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil. Within moments they were fast asleep, and I was able to turn flips so fast that we could not keep our eyes focused; nor could we show our face in Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I told him, " Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Abiathar needed the pulverizer hammer which would be even stronger if he was carrying a load of dynamite in order to tie up Abiathar! That ploy would never work, because a hero gets tired of going to the hospital over and over! Abiathar needs Artorios's help.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I knew I had to think fast. ready! Let the battle begin! The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So I poured on them some high powered weed killer. I looked like I was wearing HAZMAT gear, but that stuff is dangerous. It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds!
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
They would love this pretty new space complete with not one but two cores per CPU, giving it inherent multiprocessing power. Not only would games run faster, but I could never banish the cats from the tech room even though they often wreak havoc with the local radio stations.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
They were blocking the road, so I slammed on the brakes and turned in to a McDonald's drive-thru. I really needed a new line of work. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
And the best way to do that is to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible; otherwise the patient will ask for more Jello pudding than we can hope to provide.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
One day the boss looked over my shoulder and started laughing hilariously, and then he bellowed, " I'm starvin'! I ain't had nuthin' to eat but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days! Why can't we have more toilet paper in here? Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
I needed to see a doctor about that. So I took my cell phone and quickly dialed for help. I was in desperate straits! As soon as possible, I needed to go really bad!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air. It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Where are they coming from?? They must be coming from Mars! We're being invaded on Christmas!" He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Confused, I said, " Please don't eat me! I promise to stay out of your way, and believe me, you'll never know that I used a degreazor! It looks brand new! It's so sparkly, it must be alive!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
That was a bad idea, because we landed headlong in a deep ditch full of soupy mud! I couldn't help but shut my eyes tight as our speeding car swerved completely off the prescription medication he had been taking to calm his nerves. That was a bad idea, because we landed headlong in a deep ditch full of soupy mud!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go! The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper. While we waited, the kids were able to play a beanbag game.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back. I know that will make you feel completely relaxed.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home. "Hey! she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
There's no way I am going to invite those idiots to my birthday party so they can eat all my gourmet pastries were sitting on the counter, and I reached for the mop to bang on the ceiling.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil. All the monounsaturated oil made it count!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar. The foil pinwheel toy cost a dollar. In fact, everything we bought cost a dollar! Then we realized we were in a progessive town because our hotel room had "hot water on demand": to conserve the water that normally runs down the sink while you're waiting for it to get hot, there were small water heaters installed right next to the toilet was a strange-looking water saving device.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Every time I see them my appetite goes through the roof! I could eat them all day, breakfast lunch and dinner. That's why I always go to the salad bar. Then I can pick out veggies that have the lowest number of meals per day. It's good to keep track of the total number of inches lost around the waist.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
I didn't have a pocket so that's where I kept the money from the yardsale. Those chilly coins were a problem though, so we stunned them with electric shocks. After that they didn't need to mow the lawn! The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
And you know what that means! That means we will have to try to land at the closest airport we can find! Don't be alarmed at a change in plans, just make your face like flint, give it full throttle and close your eyes!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
So, here we pay homage to dorks everywhere. After all, if it weren't for brainiacs, nothing cool would ever get invented.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man! I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Like Confucious say, "Cat never full." That's why you have to have a wide base, or else a strong foundation, if you're going to make it that tall.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
my mouth tasted like wallpaper paste. I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
"I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Your armor will display the insignia of your Marine squad, right above the eyebrow, and right below the lower lip there was a kid who wanted to touch my eyeball.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Not the sauce! I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Using proper table ettiquette, of course. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief and proceeded to dig in. Using proper table ettiquette, of course. And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!"
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
We're talking flames comin' out of the freakin' wheel wells, a Confederate flag on either side, and the hood a big ol' skull ring -- solid silver!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
"Where'd you get that bean?" I exclaimed. She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum! Ha! Ha! Ha!" I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it. The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind. A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Then the network switched over to the ads, which are even louder and more frenetic than the shows! in fact, the clothes are alive! The name of this episode is "Oliver Underpants".
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut! That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs. Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Something was different this morning...was it...quieter somehow...yes, the hum of the air conditioner was gone!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Find someone who has a fan blowing in their room, dump the box, and watch the fun! Hundreds of kids having a present wrapping contest. Paper, ribbons, tape were flying everywhere. It was pandemonium. We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse. Now fix your wardrobe immediately!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress? Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot!
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before stomping on the gas pedal and screaming out of the parking lot like a bat out of H-E-double hockey sticks. I stomped my foot and out of the ground popped a prairie dog. How cute! His big brown eyes were gazing toward the girl relaxing on the park bench, eyes closed, gently rocking her head in time with whatever music was playing on her headphones.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
First we set up out tents and dug latrines into which to put the daily entries, which should include date, grid coordinates, name of the person who found it, and a description of ancient Babylonian bones with the addition of old photos of amazingly preserved pies!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
You may end up being bulimic, but at least that won't kill you. Probably. Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
"You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
he said, his breath knocked out all the windows in the art studio. Paint, easels, brushes were all flying out the window and straight into the exit tunnel!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Before most of us even had a chance to warm up and get going, one of the scouts was back with fantastic news.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We took some of the money and used it for wiping up the spoiled milk in the back seat. Boy, did it stink!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
My new flexibility was a great asset to my health. I thought it was worth a try, so I plugged in some batteries and turned it on.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
"Oh, yeah! That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with? Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
His pasty yellow reptilian bulk towered over 8 feet tall. When he saw the Hulk he lost his cool and started sniveling and crying. And on top of that, he even began to cry. Everyone got very quiet. No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!"
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
We all started to eat our noontime sandwiches. They came from Joe's Beanery. Always tasted good and made us feel like a million bucks. "I need to get some of that!" Bob exclaimed.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
he said as he took another bite of his steak. It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper. I need more flavor!
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
I love the smell of cedar. You can just sit in the shade of the trees and enjoy the breeze and listen to the crunching of the tacos, the sloshing of the margaritas, and the sizzling of the fajitas. Ah what sounds of San Antonio-- together with the unforgettable smell of refried beans, tortillas and salsa!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
For color consultation you must see an Avon representative, you need some Cellu-scupt to get rid of those unsightly lumps of fat bulging unattractively from various areas in her leotard.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
"Boy, this is sure going to blow my diet!" she said, " Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
just wait while I go over to that ATM where I can get some fresh strawberries!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Being a cop isn't easy, and it isn't any easier at the Downtown Precinct. This is the roughest part of town, and I know it all too well. I'm Powers. Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
I set out to be the fastest, bestest, rootin'-tootin'est cow milker in the whole state. To limber myself up I scampered up the ladder into the hay loft and jumped up and down in the hay. Then I took a flying leap into the big pile of you-know-what!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
"Look at all these fossilized bones. I wonder how old they really are. Would they be as old as me?"
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass. Oh yes, and don't forget the fresh-baked biscuits that were brought to us by UPS, the BROWN people.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
I got the hose inserted into the tire and put in 25 pounds of gas! Then he got on the motorcycle, but it wouldn't roll. He realized he needed to oil his wheels.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"You're so silly!" Omar said, "We don't need air tanks for that! We can just hold our breath. they jumped into the car and drove to the museum.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Otherwise, all the berets in the city are going to end up in the river! And you know what that means: a Frenchman without a beret is like a woman without a new pair of shoes."
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
We could invent new ones! And we could sell some of them to the President of the Unites States! He's all about quality, donchew know." We had to agree it was a good idea.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
The fact is I cannot believe Bonnie started this story! But be that as it may, I will help continue it: And the second fact is that when I was growing up we did not call them farts.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
It was so large I wondered if it were growing right in front of my eyes. I could not help but stare. Suddenly he turned and caught me! I couldn't help turning red, and I quickly turned my attention to his corn dog.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it. It reminds them of home. They don't want neat! They don't want orderly! They don't want work!
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
After 3 hours of this, there was a hole the size of a small cat.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation. This one has been a blast! We have had so much fun that I know next summer will be even better. I just must remember next time to bring more Immodium A-D. This crazy Mexican food is flowing through me like a dirt river."
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
So he took one stick, and he cut it into one inch pieces and used them to start a fire. someone complained, "You'll use up all our air!" But I knew she was wrong because she was always wrong. "I have a better idea," I said, "Why don't you shnie that light over here?
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
And then he yelled it again with even more emphasis," REVENGE IS SWEET, AND A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!!"
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Why are you so blue? I think you need to sit in this massage chair and just relax. Here, I will turn on some soft music. by Wagner, done entirely with a quartet of kazoos?
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
There's just something not quite right about these buns. Too many sesame seeds I think. Hey they look more like poppy seeds!
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
A month later, when we got a craving for them again, all we had to do was pull some extra we'd saved out of the freezer! Boy, were they needing some more M&M's on top. And melted marshmallows.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
The wounded combatants looked at each other and said, " You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now...
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
he exclaimed. "I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!" He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Let me get a closer look too, said Barrister. But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You have to stay up longer, study harder, and above all, pay attention to the teachah.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
He didn't want to be so anal-retentive, so he stopped himself from measuring his head to make sure the part was exactly in the middle.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping.