| Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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|---|
| 174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
I think I would like some more lilacs, because they smell so good. I can plant them one by one all lining the sidewalk. When they bloom they will look as if they are marching, and when the neighbors see them, they will exclaim, " and I'll say, "Well, there's the Spam, egg, sausage, and Spam...
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| 173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
But there truly was a big sigh of relief followed by the idea of shoring up the outer wall with bits of furniture and old crates. Once the defensive perimeter was taken care of, I finally had a chance to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea and some biscuits. You Yanks across the pond call them "cookies".
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| 172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry,"
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| 171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. albeit feet-first. That took quite some time, but fortunately, they at least had an overstock of those little peanut snack bags to hand out to everyone.
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| 170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
What to do? Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser.
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| 169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars. It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice. Their leader placed a salmon-pink square of floral embroidery on the table, her nails clacking the hard surface like the snap of a rib.
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| 168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
But I just kept scrubbing with the bar of grit and learned online, I should be using my reading glasses.
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| 167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch! As I held my hand to the hurty spot, all I could manage to say was I am ready for a real hamburger with all the fixings.
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| 166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
What kind of hardware did you install in that monster? What were you going to do with 2 unhappy cats, hungry and hating the cat food you bought for them?
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| 165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
He then went back to playing his video game, and I was left to my own devices as far as getting the electricity going again in the house.
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| 164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
Ah, man.. I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store.
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| 163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery. It spoke no English, but followed orders well. He was also very mannerly. I could take lessons from him, because I want to change the name of this story to "Who's Sorry Now?!"When Xander heard that, he balled up his fist and smashed the walnut as hard as he could.
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| 162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod.
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| 161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns.
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| 160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
I thought it was pretty good advice to weigh the option of working in an air-conditioned environment, considering how hot the dishwashing water had to be; what would that be doing to the rats in the sewers? Well, for safety, they probably all clustered around a loaded shotgun.
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| 159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby. Ohhh, poor little thing!
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| 158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man?
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| 157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
As a group, they ran ahead to lead me, looking behind every so often to be sure no roadrunners were following us.
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| 156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
I reached out to put the flowers atop the tombstone, only to find that squirrels had eaten them while I wasn't looking. So instead I placed a couple business cards.
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| 155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road.
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| 154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
Something that tastes this good should be offered in the Trump Tower restaurant!! I am sure Donald Trump himself would order at least five! Then arrange them attractively around the orange pools of grease that the pepperoni left behind.
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| 153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness.
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| 152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm." Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say," WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO!
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| 151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni! They're delighted with the constant flow of free T-shirts, hors d'oeuvres, gift bags, and lanyards with name tags that say, "
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| 150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
So we immediately went loco. Smashing chairs, flipping over tables, drinking liquor after drinking beer, queuing up Taylor Swift songs on the jukebox, it was complete bedlam.
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| 149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard.
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| 148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
The last time that happened, everything ended up pink. So, now we pre-treat the stains with a solution of water and detergent. Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them!
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| 147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
Now what do we do?!?!?!? Well, we decided to find the long underwear which would help me build a pink fence around my two cows so they don't wander away from my base!
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| 145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief.
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| 144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
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| 143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention." Confronted with a mob of irritated neighbors, I ran back into the house and packed!
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| 142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
Make sure you never tie a yellow ribbon 'round that old oak tree, because this is a Jonny Cash town, you hear? If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say " Merry Christmas!"
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| 141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
We positioned it right at the end of a row of green beans. !!! That way it will be super-easy to make tons of money selling homemade compost !! And that is what we advertise at our little roadside stand. We positioned it right at the end of a row of green beans.
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| 140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds. Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit. Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
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| 139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
I was hoping to catch it before it fell into the raging river down below.
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| 138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
More like Taitboys. Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
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| 137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
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| 136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost?
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| 135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
I kept calling my smart phone from my land line just so I could hear it again and again !! Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
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| 134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
ME WANT COOKIE! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
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| 133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money.
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| 132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
They had all gathered to dump and spread the compost all over the ground. Obviously that will help improve the borders of the property by planting every 18 inches a small new sprout. So many new beginnings! It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
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| 131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics! But he was nervous! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!!
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| 129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
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| 128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
Scary! Good thing I was not looking directly at it, and a good thing I was wearing my asbestos underwear! It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
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| 127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
They say the most important thing to consider when deciding to accept a new job is whether or not to include your brief stint as a soldier of fortune.
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| 126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
I got yer new year's resolution right here!!" I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl!
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| 125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific. For example, don't just say that you're going to lose weight. Say you're going to take a trip around the world !!
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| 124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
I looked in the different drawers to find some and in my search I found ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around and around until it's good and tight.
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| 123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools.
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| 122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
For a festive holiday fragrance, try cinnamon or balsam, but my favorite choice would definitely be soft amber lighting accented with rhinestones and gold leaf.
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| 121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
It's a good thing I was wearing my boots. The cave floor was piled high with years of bat guano. The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room.
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| 120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
How did you get here? I bet you traveled on a expired visa!
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| 119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
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| 118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
That would probably hurt. It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation! And for 3 weeks I had to wear an Ace bandage on my damaged vertebrae, which were partially crushed in a parkour accident two years prior.
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| 117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen.
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| 116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent. he mumbled, with that repulsive but unplaceable accent of his, and his breath reeking of sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat. I shook my head, and shut my eyes and fell into a manhole!
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| 115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
A nice, hot cup of tea, flavored with garlic. I thought, "That doesn't sound good for breakfast."
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| 114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
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| 113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
He gets into everything! One day he's building a house, the next day he's planting magic beans, the next thing you know he's carrying a pail of water up a hill !
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| 112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens.
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| 110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
I thought about selling it on Ebay, then decided I should have it hermetically sealed in a glass case for prosterity, but in a flash, it was gone; Xander had snatched it out of my hands and devoured it.
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| 109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
What if we ran out of food?!! Would any stores be open? I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents.
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| 108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
It was a bunch of sticks of dynamite! Now how did those get in here? Well, they were in the way so I moved them next to my collection of Bunsen burners, candles, and fireworks. Next I got out the shop vac to try to scoop up that big puddle of spit on the desk where I apparently had passed out from exhaustion.
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| 107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
(Muhahahaha) He also has another present hidden in the glove box of his car. Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded.
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| 106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
Put them back into the empty egg cartons where they will be safe. Then put the egg cartons on top of the crates of rockets that we got from GI Joe's military surplus. For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg.
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| 105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
"NO WAY!" I retorted. "I don't want the malls to close until midnight! Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!" If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way."
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| 103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
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| 102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
Clearly she wasn't sure what to throw away and what to keep. For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser.
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| 101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
"Hmm, he must have run out of TP and used this instead."
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| 100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
When we were finished we must have totaled at least 1000 kills in the 3 hours we spend running through the sewers. We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked.
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| 99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly. Better than perfect, in fact!"
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| 98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge.
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| 97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
What a relief! Then the next day I am ready to open fire with my thermonuclear missile pack. I activated the targeting mechanism, punched in the coordinates, and pushed the escape button over and over to no avail.
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| 96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it. I then tried to decide what fertilizer to use.
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| 95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart! she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares.
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| 94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth. he said as he pulled over, he took a big drink of Red Bull, burped, and he loudly exclaimed, "
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| 93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!" Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone.
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| 92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny. That's why I gave him a raise." When he heard the news, he fell forward on his desk forgetting that right in front of his face was his leftover lunch, a big bowl of candies for visitors to help themselves to.
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| 91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!"
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| 90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something!
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| 89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
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| 88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
Luckily, they had heard this brainteazor before, (or hopefully one of them was a good gueszor). "We accept your challenge!"
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| 87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
In moments like these, I'm sure glad I use Dial. Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits.
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| 86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon.
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| 85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
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| 84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
Orrrder uuuuuup!" To which the manager, confused, replies, " Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes!
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| 83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
I had to squint to read the obiturary, but I managed to make out "squished by a giant pumpkin"! I shuddered; I now knew why I liked pumpkin pie so much. I could hardly wait to get back home so I could start making trouble for everyone.
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| 82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
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| 81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
It's a little late to change course! The asteroid is too big. In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are.
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| 80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
"Wow!" I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son.
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| 79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
"Hello, everyone, I'm Kent Mansley, and this is COOKING SHOW!! Today's show is brought to you by Squeesitout Pimple Cream! Make sure all your teenagers have a good supply, and are wearing this new hairnet. We all know that sanitation is very low priority around here, which is why your show is on suspension!"
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| 78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!! Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time. To do this, you just need a lot of patience. One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house.
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| 77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
My payback noise will surely make the neighbors feel sorry for me if they know they've been disturbing my nesting South American hens. They won't lay eggs with all this noise! When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic.
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| 76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight. I opened the window to breathe some fresh air, but all I could smell was bacon and coffee. That reminded me of when we went camping and we pitched the tent on the side of a hill: When it rained we started sliding down the hill and we landed in a cow patty.
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| 75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
The vest, of course, is for protection. That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened.
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| 74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two.
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| 73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
And when you look into the mirror, you will be surprised to see a box of doughnuts on the counter! It's your reward for your great progress. Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight.
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| 72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
It rattles. There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy!
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| 71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
But I was in for the surprise of my life. It all started the day my mechanic called to me, "Captain Mitchell, you had better put down that bottle of Tequila and come look at this."
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| 70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
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| 69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
I hear those things can really mess you up. But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown."
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| 68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
(Hey, I was in a hurry!) Besides, it only cost 89 cents. And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back. Muhahaha! They'll never figure it out!
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| 67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
It would be a better idea to just call Lowe's next time and have them do it - It'd be worth it! So, to those of you who choose to take on the challenge of putting up wallpaper - my advice to you is avoid putting a lot of holes in the wall, because that will only cause discoloration later.
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| 66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again! Come on, we're almost finished! Just a few more nails into the roof shingles and we will be sure to use the right tool this time.
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| 65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using. As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need.
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| 64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
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| 63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
"We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice. Fluff up our pillows!
Don't you know who we are? a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce!
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| 62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan.
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| 61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
Why would anyone want to eat eel? It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter. We're going for a minimalist look here: clean lines, neutral colors. So what do you think?" I looked around before answering, noticing some men standing outside the window.
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| 60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
I exclaimed. She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time. You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks. I hate it when they serve me coffee. I wish they would go work at becoming more efficient at the cash register!" He, with furrowed brow, and she, petulant, continued to argue over which was the best sweetener.
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| 59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull!
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| 58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
He will surely reward me with a big wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt, I look just like a bunny rabbit! Hop, hop, hop!"
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| 57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
We got all-black clothes, work gloves, and a 10-foot-long boa constrictor which was slowly and methodically wrapping around every square foot of cellulite.
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| 56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, " All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time?
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| 55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
Me thinks in our midst we have a genuine emergency! The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower.
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| 54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas. How lilting was the music.
It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink.
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| 53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight! "Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy.
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| 52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
The glass and steel facade of the Acme Modeling Agency was stark, but beckoning in a sophisticated way.
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| 51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
That will help you smile and feel so special! That's such a relaxing and beautiful big pouffy couch. Come and sit on it, and you will feel the stress leave your body quickly.
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| 50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
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| 49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
In fact, you may find that the selection of 2x4s has way too many knots in it. In which case, you should start over. As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control.
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| 48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
And that's when you'll need a tongue depresser and flashlight in order to look down your nose at people who weigh more than you do! God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same. Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods?
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| 47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand. The swimming pool will go there, the miniature golf course there, and the toolshed had to be demolished to make room for the new inground swimming pool which would be reinforced with steel, 3 inches thick.
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| 46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
Paint, easels, brushes were all flying out the window and straight into the exit tunnel!
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| 45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
What a prize! I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours. At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry. So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards. banner. It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever.
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| 44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest. Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home. My home, seen only in faded memories after all those years... We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity!
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| 43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
We would need a lot of sacks this year and big ones-- big enough to hold all the money people were giving us. Money money money. We took some of the money and used it for wiping up the spoiled milk in the back seat. Boy, did it stink! It smelled like the driver must be a smoker.
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| 42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
I thought it was worth a try, so I plugged in some batteries and turned it on. Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket.
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| 41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
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| 40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!"
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| 39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
If we're going to regain any shred of respect we're going to have to take a stand! Together!
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| 38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
Each one weighed 200 pounds! Everyone who saw them were amazed, but many couldn't help whispering to each other, " I surely would like a taste of that there apple pie! I know it will be a blue ribbon winner.
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| 37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom. Needless, to say, all the sound equipment was choked with papers that had been discarded right out the window. They lay in wet piles atop the sewer grates, and rats slithered out and began to dance on the grates!
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| 36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
What those vegans need are some good old pork rinds deep fried in lots of bubbly champagne. See, if you drink enough champagne, you forget you're on this lousy vegetarian diet, and you're free to create stupendous sculptures made from multicolored tofu.
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| 35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets. Security measures, you know. So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one.
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| 34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie."
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| 33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
I felt much better about the whole situation now that the lands no longer lived under the tyrannical ravages of the Minotaur King, the people would be free to laugh out loud, sleep in on weekends, and eat dessert at any time of day!
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| 32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
Now, YOU'RE gonna pay!" I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves. As the dust settled and my panic eased, I calmly put my .357 Magnum back in its holster and continued my search for stuffed moose heads to hang on my office wall.
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| 31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
They were all holding uzis! The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater. We will swim to that shark cage, get in, lock the gate, and wait anxiously for nightfall. I'm exhausted!" Trying to keep up with Lance Armstrong is just impossible!
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| 30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
They're missing! The sargeant will have our heads in we don't find them! Man! They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!" As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms. When he finally found the cash register, he looked at it and exclaimed, "
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| 29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
What a mess they make! Well, here's another bucket of swill for them...Splash! And I think I will also add some corn to the pig's food. They seem to like that. But they don't seem to care much for city folk. They were always coming around here, blabbing about how much nice it is up north, where they have eaten the grass right down to the bare ground.
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| 28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
We had to clean it off before it attracted more predators. We found a stream, and carefully waded into it.
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| 27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
You can use it for digging up earthworms. You know those slick wiggly creatures that are so good for the soil. Why in only one hour they can process 50 pounds of superb cedar mulch.
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| 26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving.
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| 25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
"We have a very serious problem the trucking company just delivered 500 pounds of pork chops to the Jewish banquet hall. There is pandemonium over there, and right now we are in dire need of a plan, a strategy, to bring down the tyrannical International Village, despite our being heavily outmanned and outgunned."
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| 24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
his friend said. "You must really like french fries! But over here we call them pommes frites, and we like to smother them with sauteed onions. It just doesn't get much better than that!
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| 23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
I want a Brown Mule. Let's go find an ice cream freezer in this place, and look in it to see if we can find some quarters so we can play a few final video games before we have to go."
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| 22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
"But I don't LIKE Spam!" "That's OK, I've lost my sense of smell. I cannot smell anything.
Why anymore, I cannot even smell my own butt since I sat in a bunch of flowers all day!" So we took the flowers and stuck our noses in them in order to hide the poopy smell that was all around us.
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| 21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
I don't wanna got to Iraq! I'm scared!" the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
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| 20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
I asked, drooling. he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen!
Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something.
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| 19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it.
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| 18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
They were always one step ahead of us, always anticipating a gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music.
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| 17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going."
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| 16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!" We had to use a submarine to get to it. None of us had ever driven one before, but the tunnel was easy to drive through because there were all kinds of lights and even air conditioning.
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| 14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
It's our only chance!" We all looked at each other and silently agreed to lie down and take a nap in the shade of the old oak tree. He cried in anguish, "Can't you see we're trapped? It's our only chance!" We all looked at each other and silently agreed to lie down and take a nap in the shade of the old oak tree.
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| 13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
I think you should focus on your breathing. That is an excellent way to direct energy. Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air. Bonnie immediately began stuffing more explosives into the fireplace and said "I feel less stressed already!
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| 12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
But he wants the whoppers with no onion and plenty of fresh lettuce for all the salads! That was the part I hated the most. Chopping lettuce. I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness.
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| 11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
Parsley isn't given nearly enough press for its natural, chemical-free breath-freshening qualities. Just be sure to brush your teeth after, though, the dark green bits between her teeth showed up in the camera shot. Oh no! And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
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| 10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!" He stealthily lunged out from under cover, and they immediately began shooting 360 degrees around their location, blowing away over half the threat in the first 4 seconds.
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| 8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
Whatever you choose you must be willing to keep what you buy for at least a decade. Greg couldn't believe his jail sentence would be that long, but considering the number of his convictions, he knew he had jail time ahead.
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| 7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
Now what?!! "I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits. What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is. Thusly donned, they left--earning strange stares since the underwear was actually their outerwear.
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| 5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
"So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals." "Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord."
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| 4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness. Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft. However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness.
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| 3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
Standing in front of the new freshman class, the professor briefly studied each face. On some he saw expectation, on others he saw apprehension. But on one particular face he saw himself!
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| 2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
"Woo baby!" Greg exclaimed as the speedometer passed 120. His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house.
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| 1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures. Therefore I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good.
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