Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
I am sure we will be able to find a place to eat, but will any place be open at this time of night?? Hey, there's always Waffle House. And thinking of that, what does a dog like to eat for breakfast?? Woofles and Pooched Egg'! what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
But what is the difference between a burrito and a chimichanga? Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer. Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!!
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
However, I hate people telling me what to do, ...like I have to use fully-jacketed rounds at the indoor shooting range, because they're concerned about LeAd PoIsOnInG... OooOOooOOoo. They also complained last week when I took my trash to the dump, I ran into an old friend, who enthusiastically said to me, "
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
For some reason, security had been increased overnight by a factor of 10. Once we entered the most secure part of the facility, it became clear what had everyone on edge: There was a large hidden aquarium covered with heavy drapes.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
So when he tried to gather up the magnolia leaves, the tree started rustling,he looked up and an avalanche of leaves came tumbling down! He couldn't see! He was stumbling! Stumbling, he tried to reach for the next page of music, but his cramp was so bad it was like he was moving in slow motion.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
I was so delighted that I pulled out my Mars bar which I save for special occasions. It had been in my pocket for a few days at this point, so was pretty smashed and fairly dirty. But chocolate is chocolate, and I had earned it. As I licked my fingers clean, I wondered did I still need to wash them before I played Clash of Clans on my phone?
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Yes, it was a day just like any other. But little did the inhabitants know, today would be the last normal day in a long time. Well, no matter what else is going on, everybody knows the most important thing to have is drinking water.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
She shook her head and said, "That's not always did the cat treats work.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
So just relax and admire the autograph. "You rock! Love, Thunderstorms", it read in a barely legible hand. Thunderstorms was never known for his verbosity. He wasn't known for much besides being a great wrestler.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
For the most part he was everything I'd expected and hoped: rosy cheeks, big exuberant belly laughs, and a warm and compassionate spirit, but what most people don't know is that he is an undercover agent with MI-6! until he gave it away when he saw he was overcharged at Starbucks, and muttered, "Bollocks!"
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw. We gathered all that in a little pile, and then went looking for the all important matches. Can't have a fire without matches. For good measure he also grabbed a can of whoopass should do the tric' Nevertheless, let us with all due diligence seek to find a pool of water or a stream or something to put the fire out!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
It was a little scary, thinking how many cosmic rays might be whizzing all around us. What I really wanted to do after listening to all of that was break something.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
When it rains, the water runs down the hill, comes through the back door and flows all across the whole garage and goes out the door! I don't know why I just let stuff sit there literally for years and never use it or even look at it.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
In the last hour they emptied the cash registers into special bank bags and took them all to task on proper upsale technique. "Remember, the customer doesn't know what they want to buy.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
In planning for the Kidz Festival, it looks like we overestimated the resilience of grass. Sure, it can be tough, but once the chainsaw got involved, there was great danger!
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
It bridged the gap between this world and the others, and beyond it were visible incomprehensible wonders and horrors alike. Out of the portal emerged several large rats, which actually could have been bald squirrels, but anyway, seeing them made me think, " I really need a new pet.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
I mean there were a lot of people here, and it looked as if every single one of them had brought their A-game. They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I knew it was just the thing for her to clean out the garage! An arduous task, but wonderful temperature outside which caused her to go into convulsions.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Now we're stocked up for some New Year's Eve stompin' noisy fun! Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music. Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
And I cannot seem to find it. Do I need to attend a focus group? And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
But he ran out of that, too, and didn't have any more newspapers to soupify to make more, so he started tearing pages of his roommate's textbook. The title of it was How to Win at Minecraft! Bonus! came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!"
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Why, it is as big as a polar bear! Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat."
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
And while you are there, make sure you pick up some latticework or fishing line because as the vine grows, it wraps around everything in its path and starts choking the other plants when then in desperation they start to prune it, they don't know such actions are misguided.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Ain't nobody got time for that! My mind started going through all the things I could be doing instead: playing Minecraft, watching Youtube videos, I could even see the stains had all but disappeared! What a great product! And the name of it was " Your dearest wish come true."
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket." These are handy to have around & have many uses. The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen. One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero. You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
But, they were so hungry that they did not have enough cash to pay for the purchases at Costco, so they emptied all their pockets and ended up with the dollar amount of $ 4, payable in two Thomas Jefferson bills.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist. Now what?! I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I said, with enthusiasm, " Let's celebrate our resoluting by going out to eat!! I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981. Click clack click clack. The sound was like a cash register that would not stop....I had blown my budget big time and now I for sure must make a decision.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile. I told him I could compost those yard clippings, but he said " Stop looking at my bum and get on with your work!"
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
I first heard about them when they appeared as my Wiki Word of the Day. Another stupid bunch of words. Who writes this stuff??
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And giant spikes made out of wood logs! And the surrounding area was covered in moldy gray moss that smelled like gym socks that had been stuffed with rotten onions and baby vomit.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
You need to remember: it's candy, candy canes, candy corns, and the last of the four main food groups: I cannot even remember because they keep changing the pyramid. Who cares anyway as long as you get enough Vitamin D. But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure. The only thing that could settle my nerves now would be if I could take some time to remove all the apps I don't like.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully. We are all getting tired of this continual harassment.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling. I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek. The options were spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, or rigatoni. I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau. Posed as if they were going about their daily chores, the garden gnomes banded together and formed a labor union.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped. The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on. I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really?
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
I reached into the back of one of the cubby holes and found a mistake!" Well, she knew she never wanted the children to go hungry, so if anyone forgot his or her snack, I would gladly give him or her part of my granola bar.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I got yer new year's resolution right here!!" I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl! "Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes! We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!"
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And now you know how to make your neighbors your best friends for life !Just walk over, knock on their door and with great enthusiasm, say, " I knew I could do it!"
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Regardless, I put it on the plate with the other desserts next to the Christmas tree. Arrange them in a semi-circle under the Christmas tree, but make sure they are not near any pets.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
You'll be driving along and see millions of lights! They must be coming from Harbor Hills Drive! I put my car in first gear and turned onto the street and then what came toward me was a car with a Rudolph nose on the grill and antlers every where!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Down on my hands and knees searching for them I found instead two strange-looking rocks. I could tell they weren't from here, they looked like they were from another planet!! I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
I decided to name it: Double Rainbow All the Way Across the Sky! So intense! What does this mean? "CHEESE! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!" Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance. Soon afterwards, the mead hall exploded, fat orange cheese wheels spilling through the shattered wooden walls by the score.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Then switch it back to "on". Then I started flicking it back and forth rapidly, making the lights in the room flash like a cheap rave. All I needed to do was add music, and then people would really flock to my door.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
But when I did, he proceeded to buy advance tickets for EVERY opening show for the next year!!! The lady said, "That'll be $700!" He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Just when the tension was almost too much to bear, the elastic snapped in my sweat pants, and I had to quickly step up the pace. I'll never burn off those calories from last night's dinner at this rate. As I broke into a jog, I peered down into the muddy puddle and spied something moving!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
With their unorthodox approach, they gathered exotic plants from the Amazon Rainforest, pulverized them and mixed them with liquid kale, because it's so good for you!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
In will come in handy when you suddenly realize, "The whole time, I've been wondering which is better whole milk or 2%? In the whole milk there is a lot of algae growing there." Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks. you can afford it!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
But was it distilled or well water? To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document. It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard."
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
That's why he put all his underwear into zip-lock bags. Nobody wants strangers pawing through his underwear drawer. Someone had gone and used White-Out over the price tags so everything that was $19.99 or $29.99 became $9.99.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
The soft summer breeze has become crispy. I know when I hear that sound, it means someone's at the door. And just my luck, I'm right in the middle of a shower!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Those nasty little roaches were everywhere! Someone must have left food in here! Ah, I found an old lunch bag! And in it were stale pieces of air. There wasn't enough oxygen to breathe! Gasp! He had to get out! He had to order pizza to be delivered to the lab and the toppings were a choice from four: The four edible choices were BBQ beef brisket, chicken tetrazini, grilled salmon, or a Popburger.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
It was very exciting. The wind was whipping through our hair and we began to feel the wall for the light switch.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
As he opened them, he said, "Mama used to say life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you might find under all those boxes." In fact, down on the floor in the far corner, I found a reason to live again! Now I'll never have to hunt for a tool again!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket. There was a lot, but I managed to get it all stuffed in. With that out of the way, I decided to take a break and get some tinsel to throw on the tree.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
She buzzed right in with a big flyswatter and started swatting us on the behind. Clearly she wasn't sure what to throw away and what to keep. For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Not just any brown hat, mind you, but specifically it was really a purple hat that was needed. So we walked to the Beatific Bonnet Boutique, looked in the window, and saw just what we wanted: a winning lottery ticket!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil. Within moments they were fast asleep, and I was able to turn flips so fast that we could not keep our eyes focused; nor could we show our face in Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Boy are you in luck! Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions." Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients. i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Now all of Paragon City was in jeopardy as the Destructotron unleashed its pulverizing power to such an extent that all the Outcasts found themselves knee deep in muck in Perez Park.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Boy is it smelly! Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery. But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
It was the worst jumble of all, so I hid under the table and waited patiently.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
There must have been 20 police crusiers there! They were blocking the road, so I slammed on the brakes and turned in to a McDonald's drive-thru. I really needed a new line of work.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
And the best way to do that is to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible; otherwise the patient will ask for more Jello pudding than we can hope to provide.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it. They wouldn't see me here.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!! Luckily, they had heard this brainteazor before, (or hopefully one of them was a good gueszor).
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola. he exclaimed. He cracked his knuckles and proceded to sing their little hearts out.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier. I couldn't help but shut my eyes tight as our speeding car swerved completely off the prescription medication he had been taking to calm his nerves.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
"Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers. I tried to hit the button to open the drawer, but it really didn't matter if a few pickles fell on the floor. We could always rinse them off and use them on the next drive-through customer, who had just ordered 2 large cokes, 2 large fries, and 2 giant Cokes with crushed garlic.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
So just close your eyes and whatever you do, don't think about pink elephants. HAHAHA! You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
But I didn't do that; instead, I started tearing pages out of my computer manual and folding them into paper airplanes and launching them around the room. After a while, you will not feel so dizzy. Believe me, your brain will start to eat up all your system resources, until you have made at least a dozen new entries.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
We went to Outdoor World and found 2 very dirty diapers behind the bookcase. Ewww! Smelly! And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool. Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
And I know it was because we ran over a speed bump that was so big, the front end of the car shot into the air!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
I pulled my Mazda RX-8 into the pit stop. The clock was ticking and I was snoozing! I'd better get out of bed and get going, or I'll be wearing my Dale Earnhardt jumpsuit.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
So don't worry about flushing the toilet. We can wear nose plugs and burn the leftover sludge, even though everyone knows a better use for it would be to put it into a bucket beside the commode.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Next thing you know, you'll be able to actually see your toes instead of your belly and put your wedding ring on without using petroleum jelly! Awesome! But there's one thing that would better than that, and that's when you'll start to notice the fat just melting off!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
After 15 years I had earned the reputation of the best test pilot in the country. But I was in for the surprise of my life.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Well, after hearing that, I was ready to sharpen all my pencils, and I discovered I need to go buy a new pocketsize spiral notebook and a black power cable. It would clash with the light-colored decor in his server room, but he didn't care--he was a dork.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
For example, on the second level there will be a round hole, facing a raging fireplace. Maybe it was a bad idea to build the cat condo prototype out of styrofoam. Because seconds later, all the cats were fast asleep!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!"
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Come on, we're almost finished! Just a few more nails into the roof shingles and we will be sure to use the right tool this time.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Where's the positive reinforcement?" The space marine sergeant harrumphed.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
It's going to stay there until you get a good principal!" "We don't want a good principal!" "We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice. Fluff up our pillows! Don't you know who we are? a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos. And your hair needs more color! More punk colors: here, stripe your hair with this purple and this pink! That will make you look like Fonzie.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
"I can tell you suffer from it." she squealed, with wide eyes, "I just knew something wasn't right with me lately!" She was amazed, and relieved to know that her laxative would start working any minute now.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Now bring me a mug of cold frosty beer! Wow, would that hit the spot!" He grinned with satisfaction at the thought of running up to that hoity-toity aristocrat woman and bumping her right into the pool.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time! But there wasn't time to even think! My face was reddening by the second. Before much longer I would surely be able to flush it all down with this high-flow toilet! I pushed the lever and water erupted from the white platform.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Whew! Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident! That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast! Bam! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It was so beautiful and from outer space it looked even more chaotic.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Blistering hot rays beating down upon us, we began to feel dizzy, so someone suggested we should go sit down in the shade.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
We must get those orders out right away! You know everyone just loves those boxes of styrofoam peanuts. Find someone who has a fan blowing in their room, dump the box, and watch the fun!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse. Now fix your wardrobe immediately!"
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Yuk! I would rather have a deadly attack robot! It would have to be at least 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Dust, dust, dust! My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Unfortunately as I quickly rounded the corner, I ran right into the forklift! The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!" And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's... I had enough to make two layers. Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect?
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand. The swimming pool will go there, the miniature golf course there, and the toolshed had to be demolished to make room for the new inground swimming pool which would be reinforced with steel, 3 inches thick.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
If you could see my aura, it'd be white with fire and black with death.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
We should have plenty of coffee and doughnuts to show our appreciation for all the free handguns being handed out at the NRA rally!" Meanwhile, across the street, the DNC rally was handing out free copies of the Communist Manifesto, which were all autographed by Snoop Doggy Dog and Jesse Jackson.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
He soon heard that Spot next door was wearing a flea collar. What a wimp. Barrister has no use for such "jewelry".
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
And who has time to do that? He cleaned his sink when the water would not go down any more. Yeah! Then he would celebrate with a big scream, which merged into tears which shot straight out for four feet, and led to snot rivers from the nose to the chin.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
It needs to go to the auto dealership, because if I'm going to be able to park my car in this clean and roomy garage, I'm going to want it to be a new one!"
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows. What's going on? Is this some kind of sales pitch?!! To answer my question, around the corner came a flaming homosexual!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Startled, I turned around to see a Ferris wheel toppling over, about to smash dozens of people into tiny bits! I screamed for help! Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
What about separation anxiety? Here with their opinions on this story are economics expert Bylo Sellhi, and psychologist Druggum Tilltheyzone: "It is simple to see that John Kerry is a drugged up spendthrift."
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
This meal should keep the average person satisfied for thirty seconds. Oooh! But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers. Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea! plate of tamales, burritos, and enchiladas! The only thing this dish is missing is my face.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Which makes sense, actually, because the piano player had sprained his ankle and couldn't show up. So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
"Why would somebody put that there?" I grumbled as I tried my best not to throw up.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Scalie loved gifts like this! She usually ate them. At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
I am sure when I am there I will see many architectural wonders. I don't know which I like better: Looking from a distance at the whole structure, or up close at the details such as how far we'll have to swim to get to land if our ship sank.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
"Actually, no, I've never seen such a gruesome murder. I could barely keep my lunch down. Fortunately I had 2 sets of handcuffs because I was sure going to need them! Now the keys to the handcuffs...where did I put them?
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
To limber myself up I scampered up the ladder into the hay loft and jumped up and down in the hay. Then I took a flying leap into the big pile of you-know-what!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
If we do that we might not survive the night! No. We've got to conserve our ammunition, collect what food we have left, and prepare to broil some tasty dinosaur patties.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
They're so poisonous, that instead of killing a person when the person eats it, this carnivorous plant, averaging 50 feet high, EATS PEOPLE! And it's so strong that if it eats a bomb, it won't get killed!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
They chanted, pounding their feet in rhythm. "Oh, Kayyy..." I said, and I turned around to go again.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
The sun was sinking lower in the sky. It was time to start thinking about dinner. Luckily, Rosita's father had a good catch of fish from earlier that day.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
We hope you enjoy your stay! Surely your first stop will be to eat at an outdoor cafe. There you will be served by a garcon and he will bring you a complimenary flute of champagne, bubbly and faintly smelling of sewer gas.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
But Xander said, " You know, I am getting hungry. Is there a restaurant around here anywhere?" And sure enough there was a Taco Bell right inside the store! So Xander hurried over there and ordered a big Mac with cheese and extra ketchup and Great Biggie Fries.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. You are a sissy! You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world! then do 500 more... muh--errgghhk..." He started foaming at the mouth and just could not resist biting the tar out of every single drill sargeant on the base.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
There was no escape. The joyful ringing of their laughter reached all the way to Route 17. Traffic was stopping just to listen. Pretty soon the whole parking lot was full of chicken nuggets! Hundreds of them! Crate after crate of chicken nuggets!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I probably would not know anybody, but it would not take me long to find some new victims! I did my Kargoth impression when I talked to the Registrar.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Almost as much as they like washing the dishes. And if you let him wash the dishes, he may notice the soap bubbles drifting in the air, and that will remind him of days long gone by when he used to sit under the willow tree lanquidly blowing bubbles and drinking his tall cold glass of lemonade, and he would daydream about floating on his back in the swimming pool, feeling the warm sunshine and cool water, relaxing while listening to the sonic booms from the numberless jets flying overhead.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
They all wondered. Mystified, they cautiously approached the abandoned roller coaster. "Hey, let's get one of the cars, push it to the top and jump in and see how far we can go!" So they laboriously pushed and pushed, and when they got to the top they saw what was causing the tornado: the villanous Sky Master!!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach. It frightened everyone down there, but I reassured them saying, "
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"You fools!" He cried in anguish, "Can't you see we're trapped? It's our only chance!" We all looked at each other and silently agreed to lie down and take a nap in the shade of the old oak tree. I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
I just can't help it. I get all teary-eyed; and then I start to wonder why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green? Why--" And just then the drugs kicked in and then the convulsions started. "Oh, no!" My friends said, "Quickly, turn off the electricity before she's fried!"
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
The manager handed it to me and walked off. I didn't know what to do, the meat had been sitting all night unrefrigerated. Who in the world let that happen?! The early morning drive-thru lane was already backing up. Should we use the meat anyway, or should we ask the customers to leave and go somewhere that doesn't suck?
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Grandma rose early in the morning and drank her coffee while she listened to the rooster crowing. Then she put on her apron and started making biscuits. She had all the ingredients, except she needed some fresh orc blood. But not just any orc blood. The orc blood this recipe called for had to be room temperature.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Sometimes he would laugh, thinking how now the Betty Mafia could never get him. Ever. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
You might just head out into space! However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole! The ship contorted in bizarre, unthinkable ways as the universe collapsed around them.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Lady Man was known through the olde towne as a ravishing womanizer, and had gotten in trouble with one too many gladiators who had come from Rome to the countryside of England to train.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
The first case was Wal-mart vs. Lord Elsington. Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness. Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Standing in front of the new freshman class, the professor briefly studied each face.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
However, how formidable could he be? Considering his cache of armor, he chose a shield, a big one, because his heart was gripped with fear that he would become dragon food: flame-broiled, crispy baby back ribs smothered in a tempting and tasty blanket of spicy hot peppers and smothered in cheese!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Greg whined. But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures. Therefore I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good. And the best place for that will be in the kitchen, where the food is.