| Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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|---|
| 174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! Where did we land? We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes!
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| 173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
Now in his safekeeping, it was an exhilarating thought to know he might be the one to uncork it one day and unleash an onslaught of antique aromas nearly a century old. Suddenly, he slipped and slid on some uneven ground. The bottle spiraled through the air, reflecting their horrified faces as it sailed by.
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| 172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
The snowfall of the previous days dampened the sound; there was only a slight rustling of tree branches as the wind brushed over the hills. The fresh cold air stung his nose as as he pulled up his snuggly warm scarf mask. hmmm may be those masks really are good for something!
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| 171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts.
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| 170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
Don't they realize the dishwasher is broken and look at all these dirty dishes! Plus I have a bandaged hand because I cut myself with a rusty barbecue smoker borrowed from a neighbor.
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| 169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
It was a fearsome moment indeed! Everyone held their breath in terror. Suddenly, the entire stage collapsed, exploded, and burst into flames, killing everyone instantly!
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| 168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
We steeled our resolve and And? And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. It would have been a terrifying sound at any time, but hearing at 3am was the worst. We steeled our resolve and And?
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| 167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
Their superhuman strength and reflexes could do them no good from within the containment field, which was also resilient enough to contain a fusion bomb's detonation.
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| 166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
All that litter scattered everywhere! What messy cats. First I get a shower then wipe down the cats, and as for VoilaLeiya... I am sending her back to the manufacturer! Sending *IT* back. This was the most disappointing robotic vacuum I had ever used.
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| 165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
Bring me salsa smothered on tortilla chips and layered with the scents of earth and cut grass." Indeed, thunderstorms are a dramatic immersion for the senses.
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| 164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
We must keep up our strength while we do all this wrapping! Please, help yourself to another cup of egg nog.
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| 163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat! It's got vitamins, minerals, and amino acids.
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| 162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
We tried and tried to pull them out, but we had woven that basket so tightly, they were firmly stuck. The only solution we could think of was to cut the rope to the anchor so we could drift away from the whirlpool...hopefully.
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| 161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated. But how to get rid of it? !! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash.
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| 160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
Hmmm. Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to! In the last hour they emptied the cash registers into special bank bags and took them all to task on proper upsale technique.
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| 159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes. It was transcendent.
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| 158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
Who knows what lurks within the heart of man? The Shadow knows. He also knows where all the best cookie crumbs are!
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| 157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
So I picked up the tick and carried it to the entomology lab for analysis. There, I was greeted by a flock of trained roadrunners! As a group, they ran ahead to lead me, looking behind every so often to be sure no roadrunners were following us.
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| 156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
Naturally, our response to that would be to laugh hysterically and roll on the floor. But at the same time we would attempt to eat one hot pepper each. The winner would be able to do it with the least amount of elbow grease....and what a relief that was!
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| 155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
Ain't that something! We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road.
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| 154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
For starters, you could have salad, breadsticks, or everyone's favorite--stuffed mushrooms! Appetizers get people in the mood of a party!
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| 153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
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| 152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
So everyone worked together to assemble them. Using ribbon and shrink wrap, I wrapped up all the junk I had found into neat little parcels and then advertised them on Ebay as "Mystery Gifts". I was shocked by how many people showed up to take the Enthusiasm Class.
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| 151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
Just put in the corners of every room little bowls of microwave popcorn. But the coolest thing he has in his room is a large, heavy anvil. His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs. Late into the night, the whole hall could the CLANG CLANG CLANG, the sound of rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.
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| 150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
Now for the fireworks! I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive.
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| 149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
A neighbor said I was using up too much sunshine. Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists. "It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment.
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| 148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth.
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| 147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
You could easily run into a large elk, arctic fox, or other similar sleds and sleighs, all designed to go really fast down a snowy hill, as long as they were not running around in their underwear as if they were about to take the Polar Bear Plunge.
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| 145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief. It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco !
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| 144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger. It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service.
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| 143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
Let's celebrate our resoluting by going out to eat!! I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running.
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| 142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
Sweating, I said "Give me that package!" But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
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| 141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too? I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500.
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| 140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds. Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit.
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| 139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
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| 138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
Not only was it useful for safely snagging escaped animals, you could also use it for compost. And when Spring comes, gently layer it around the exposed dirt. The next thing to do is to take some string and weave a hanging basket.
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| 137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
Spray it with a mixture of epsom salts, garlic juice, and a little bit of crushed eggshells.
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| 136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed.
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| 135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
I also took my time thinking up a good password. too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure. The only thing that could settle my nerves now would be if I could take some time to remove all the apps I don't like.
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| 134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
When you're buying tickets for entertainment purposes, it's best if you just ignore this storyline because it does not have one. Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman!
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| 133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
Then yell, "Don't you dare ever do anything for you ever again! I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place. I'm tired of people wasting time watching stupid reality shows..
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| 132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow. But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!!
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| 131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
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| 129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
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| 128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats! But he was a big fan of just taking a nap! But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
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| 127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays!
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| 126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone! Why is the eggnog always gone?
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| 125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
So the next morning try again. Every new day is a new chance to redeem all your failures of last year simply by giving yourself room to dream of the possibilities. Sometimes all it takes is a little gutsy resolve! So anyone can decide tomorrow will be a new day and when you wake up, the first thing you should do is get an accountability partner.
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| 124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses. Or was it maple syrup? Regardless, I put it on the plate with the other desserts next to the Christmas tree.
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| 123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
We found a small box, sealed to be watertight! How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools.
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| 122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
I called 911 and guess who answered! = Some guy in an elf costume! "HaHa! That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet!
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| 121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet ! Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious." Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint.
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| 120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
You would have to rush to fill it again with concrete. This time, we're going for permanence! We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye.
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| 119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
Not only would we sell lemonade, but we could also sell bags of ice. You know people really need those for seeing underwater. And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit. And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts.
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| 118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
That's why when there's a new game coming out that I want, I always get scared if I'm approaching a shadowy corner.
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| 117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen.
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| 116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !! sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !!
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| 115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students.
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| 114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
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| 113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds. All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep. Counting sheep didn't work.
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| 112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner. We heard a terrible noise and looked out to see a bunch of dudes sitting around eating beans.
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| 110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
Predictably, that place exploded like a blue-light special at K-Mart. During the bedlam, I ran out through the back, evading my pursuers and finding myself in a pickle.
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| 109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town!
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| 108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
Highest compensation offered. Please contact..." I couldn't make out the rest of the ad because tears had already begun to dissolve the ink, which ran like charcoal wisps of liquidated dreams down the face of the page.
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| 107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
That's not champagne. It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!" The crew silently gazed out the viewportals at the void of purest black, which was at least 50 kilometers across, and was surrounded with a coruscating aura of all manner of colors as particles of light were sucked in at speeds exceeding 120 mph !!
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| 106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us. when you used it. The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb. Don't you know how to do anything?!!
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| 105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way."
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| 103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way. So I added a whole line of new models of subcompacts. They're inexpensive, have great fuel economy, and just as importantly you must have lots of sunflowers.
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| 102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
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| 101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
Help me! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face. It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate.
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| 100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
To calm him down, we tried to make the boys go to bed early, but alas they had eaten too many bags of ice for their swollen eyes.
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| 99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
Boy are you in luck! Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions." Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients. i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
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| 98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
Abiathar, the superhero of sunny disposition and ensemble, was on a mission.
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| 97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
I activated the targeting mechanism, punched in the coordinates, and pushed the escape button over and over to no avail. OH NO, I must not die. In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down!
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| 96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
So get out the special shears and with great vigor attack the dogs which had taken to pooping on the lawn. One bladder-full of liquid waste would wreak havoc with my expensive Mantis tiller, which is however so lightweight, that I can carry it with one hand, while I walk around the block six or seven times.
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| 95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
More killin' means more XP and loot, which I'll need in order to keep the cats off the floor I built a neat wooden dining table complete with a covering of Chee-tohs dust.
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| 94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
I was feeling all ornery, so as soon as I walked through the door I was frisked by a big burly policewoman. Then she pushed me down onto a bench, and she said in a very loud voice, " Do! A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler!
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| 93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
He hadn't made a payment in almost three months, and he was sure he would need at least a hundred stitches! He hoped the surgeon was handy with the needle, so when he was finished everything would look like something out of horror movie.
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| 92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
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| 91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
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| 90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume. This will surely impress them! They'll be so impressed they will spew! Just kidding, of course, but who knows, you may end up in Swaziland, in a dark jungle, surrounded by insipid but angry Frenchmen frothing epithets at us proudly patriotic Americans.
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| 89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Where are they coming from?? They must be coming from Mars!
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| 88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
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| 87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
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| 86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat.
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| 85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
We searched the mall index to find a good place to eat, and we found the intriguing listing of "The 12 days of diarrhea. That's the last time I'm ever going to IHOP!" Thoroughly disgusted, we threw up our arms and shouted, "THIS STORE SUCKS!!"
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| 84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers.
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| 83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy. Why, just last year, we brought home enough pumpkins to make lots of pies. When we counted them we ended up with 1,416 pumpkins. That was more than enough to make some pumplin pie.
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| 82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test. Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game. Because clothes make the man.
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| 81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
Bibbidi Time for launch of the Mars Express I rocket was drawing near.
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| 80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do! I couldn't believe it!
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| 79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
(laugh track) "To start with, crack these eggs, whip them up, and blend them into your stock pot. Next, chop the garlic into tiny bits at least small enough to fit into a cupcake holder!
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| 78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
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| 77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
There's no way I am going to invite those idiots to my birthday party so they can eat all my gourmet pastries were sitting on the counter, and I reached for the mop to bang on the ceiling. Suddenly it occurred to me that I could hook up my Mega-Blaster speakers and aim them next door!
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| 76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight. I opened the window to breathe some fresh air, but all I could smell was bacon and coffee.
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| 75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
They were going so fast, the asphalt was melting. The pavement started to get sticky, and that made the tires start to melt. I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof. Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs.
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| 74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
They save so much water, and they work just as well as the traditional kind. Really. So don't worry about flushing the toilet.
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| 73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight. Stuff like what to get and what to avoid at the grocery, how to eat out smartly, and above all, remember it's not about a number, it's about how you feel!
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| 72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
I was a little nervous, because this was my very first yard sale. I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale. So when we advertised it, we exaggerated a little bit to get more people to show up.
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| 71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
and take off my lucky socks. I didn't need them today--I felt like I could take on the world! And I didn't need a stupid navigator to tell me where we were. I knew perfectly well that we were over the coldest part of a TV dinner when you get it out of the microwave is always the center part.
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| 70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
On the way out I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and I thought, "That's right ladies, you know you want a year's supply of ball point pens and above all a year's supply of comic books. I stored them neatly stacked next to all my old LP's.
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| 69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
"It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years."
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| 68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
For example, on the second level there will be a round hole, facing a raging fireplace. Maybe it was a bad idea to build the cat condo prototype out of styrofoam. Because seconds later, all the cats were fast asleep! "That's an unexpected surprise!"
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| 67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months. So, to those of you who choose to take on the challenge of putting up wallpaper - my advice to you is avoid putting a lot of holes in the wall, because that will only cause discoloration later.
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| 66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
"I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo. We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up.
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| 65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
What's your point?" "Okay, okay. I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using. As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need. It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium.
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| 64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning". immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen.
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| 63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
"We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice. Fluff up our pillows!
Don't you know who we are? a SHRUBBERY!
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| 62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan.
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| 61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
Now, music is one of those things you can't live without. It's like the heartbeat of the spirit, man. It's the soundtrack of life. You gotta have a belt with those pants if you don't want to be holding them up all day!
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| 60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face! He stood up and gathered his belongings, which was difficult to do while holding the coffee cup.
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| 59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum! Ha! Ha!
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| 58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
So why don't you just give it up and go back to using Depends Undergarments?" Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated!
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| 57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
That's right, this is the perfect time to go on a diet and find a new recipe for low fat, low cholesterol, high protein baked bars of coconut, nuts, chocolate and condensed milk. I gave them to Xander and Ethan to throw away. They enthusiastically ran outside and threw them into the washing machine!
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| 56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
Oliver goes on strike, and as a result Mr. has to step in and crush the resistance which happened to be the shotgun-toting tomato, Bob.
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| 55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
A spy, to be precise. My headquarters is Spy Base Alpha, and from here we have access to all communications satellites, private and government-owned foreign and domestic.
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| 54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
Once the weather got really hot them Yankee-land touristers might come hunting for your A/C, and you gotta be prepared. We loaded up on sunscreen and popsicles, and took off!
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| 53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy.
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| 52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
She must weigh close to 350 pounds. But that's OK. that's right... Perfect! She's a door. The next girl can pose on this poof chair. It is shaped like a high-heeled shoe. How mod! I wonder who thought up that idea.
It must have been Mr.
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| 51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
That will help you smile and feel so special! That's such a relaxing and beautiful big pouffy couch. Come and sit on it, and you will feel the stress leave your body quickly.
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| 50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry.
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| 49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's... I had enough to make two layers. The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!"
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| 48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are.
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| 47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall! "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!"
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| 46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
A good Ninja has excellent freckle patterns. These can be achieved by correct application of sunscreen and limiting your time in the sun, for day brings visibility, and a ninja must be unseen as much as possible!
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| 45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun? I bet that would get more people to vote! You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN ! It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever.
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| 44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
He soon heard that Spot next door was wearing a flea collar. What a wimp.
Barrister has no use for such "jewelry". Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder! The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon.
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| 43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
We would need a lot of sacks this year and big ones-- big enough to hold all the money people were giving us. Money money money. We took some of the money and used it for wiping up the spoiled milk in the back seat.
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| 42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold. There wasn't much time to waste. They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry? He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that.
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| 41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
Argh! I cannot take this any longer! So I grabbed the can of gasoline, pulled out a book of matches, and debated whether to vote for George Bush or John Kerry. she said, "You can take that and stick it where's there no tomorrow! Yeah, and there's no beans about it.
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| 40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
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| 39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
I'm telling you, you've got to try this onion dip. It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows.
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| 38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
I quickly leaned over and threw up, deftly avoiding potentially lethal food poisoning. Then I grabbed a ticket to go see the biggest cow on the planet. When I peeped through the fence at it, it looked like a NINJA! she said, " I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride.
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| 37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
They asked. "NINJA!" He yelled "Stop the presses! Stop the presses!!" The editor asked, "What's the matter?"
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| 36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
he said as he took another bite of his steak. It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper.
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| 35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
It's even good for fryin' up that armadillo you done run right over with your dang ol' truck. We scraped it up off the road, and put it in a tortilla! Everything tastes good in a tortilla!
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| 34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry. (SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army.
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| 33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
I felt much better about the whole situation now that the lands no longer lived under the tyrannical ravages of the Minotaur King, the people would be free to laugh out loud, sleep in on weekends, and eat dessert at any time of day! That soft cartilage is so sensitive, so easy to bleed, so tender and kind.
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| 32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
Waiting for us....all squeaky clean and shining with colorful beads! It was just what I was looking for! It was so beautiful I couldn't take my eyes off it! The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open. Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes!
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| 31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
We will be on top of the world! Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course!
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| 30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
I'm nervous about this, you know. The fact that I'm addicted to placebos doesn't make it any easier. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference.
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| 29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
Sometimes we found the eggs in the strangest places: why one time we found three behind the barn, smoking like a durn chimney. I grabbed 'em by the ear and hollered, "I'm gonna tan yer hide, boy!"
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| 28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff. as if they were fleeing from something. That's when we heard it: birdlike calls, a sound like distant rumbling thunder, and the snapping, cracking sound of large trees falling.
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| 27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola! Especially if your own son is a pothead!! So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola!
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| 26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
I thought of the title because it reminds me of a song. This story will be about a motorcycle trip. I started tuning up my bike, changing the oil, checking the tire pressure, checking the engine timing, and finally I was ready to check the air pressure in the tires.
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| 25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
But then we realized: we were all scared. The forces of Hauptmann Gestapo were closing in, and Molly was really enjoying her Chinese Chop Suey. She was also learning how to use chopsticks. She easily picked up the noodles, and then deftly she reached into the bowl and she picked up a hockey stick and skated out onto the ice.
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| 24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
Go back into your cave and drink your cafe au lait. Next time I see you I will give you $20, but only if you can seat us in a better part of the restaurant. Otherwise, all the berets in the city are going to end up in the river! And you know what that means: a Frenchman without a beret is like a woman without a new pair of shoes."
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| 23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
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| 22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
It's like a stink bomb dropping in a room. One can only hope that one is alone if this happens. If others are present, your only hope is to fart again, only this time fart harder, and hopefully it'll be toxic enough to kill any witnesses.
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| 21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
Sometimes I did anyway, and I paid sorely for it. Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on.
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| 20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
Suddenly he turned and caught me! I couldn't help turning red, and I quickly turned my attention to his corn dog. "You gonna eat that?" I asked, drooling. he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it!
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| 19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
Get out of the building! There's no time to lose! You must hurry because there's a bomb threat! Terrorists are threatening to destroy the entire campus!!" I couldn't believe it. All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!"
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| 18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air. And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air. Yeah, and we need some meats!
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| 17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
We got strapped in, and moments later, a sour smell came wafting through. "What IS that?" They all wondered. Mystified, they cautiously approached the abandoned roller coaster. "Hey, let's get one of the cars, push it to the top and jump in and see how far we can go!"
So they laboriously pushed and pushed, and when they got to the top they saw what was causing the tornado: the villanous Sky Master!!
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| 16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
They are so scared of their shadows! Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE! And that's ALL I NEED! And my pup tent. In case it rains. And that's ALL I NEED! And this chair. And that's ALL I NEED.
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| 14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library? With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume? That'll liven things up around here!" Alas, every book in the entire library was checked out.
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| 13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall!
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| 12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns. Too many sesame seeds I think. Hey they look more like poppy seeds! Now we're in trouble. The Sheriff will think we have turned into an opium den.
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| 11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
Betty called from inside, "Are those hot dogs ready yet?" I said, "Hot dogs? I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs.
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| 10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
Oh No! Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key!
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| 8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
correction centers where every day he would get to watch TV, exercise, and eat three prison meals a day.
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| 7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
The countdown began. We were really really going! Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was.
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| 5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
It did not hurt at all, however, what did hurt was when I landed on my head in a huge pile of goo. Interestingly enough Sir Greg headed for the gallows with great trepidation. As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons!
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| 4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket. That's what the country's coming to. A parking lot here, a parking lot there, and pretty soon you've got some real evidence there! Let me get a closer look. Let me get a closer look too, said Barrister. But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent.
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| 3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
You continue this until you're an ultimate ninja, and we will all thumb our noses at you, because your strength will be like a river, rushing along pell mell with not a backward glance, gleefully heading for a sure collision with that wall!
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| 2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house. As soon as it did, however, all the walls were teeming with cockroaches, crawling over each other, a sea of movement, all headed helter-skelter for the comic book shop, because the lateezt issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK was out!!
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| 1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures. Therefore I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good.
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