Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Hey, there's always Waffle House. And thinking of that, what does a dog like to eat for breakfast?? Woofles and Pooched Egg'! what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself. Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time?
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Now in his safekeeping, it was an exhilarating thought to know he might be the one to uncork it one day and unleash an onslaught of antique aromas nearly a century old.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
But just as I was ready to give up, around the corner came Santa Claus! He had an entourage of elves all singing "Here comes Santa Claus!
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
It seemed to be working until he made a sudden move and it rapidly destabilized. The reaction spiralled our of control, detonating in a colorful blossom of chemical energy.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Believe it or not, there I was sitting on the brick patio unwrapping 20 old hard candies I found in the garage and scooping them out of the wrappers because they were soft...yuk, but I wanted the ants to have a big treat.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
The best thing we could think to do was to head downhill and try to find some durian fruit! I haven't had any for hours and I'm starting to go into withdrawal! I need at least a dozen hot meat pies and lots of layers to survive a cold night such as this.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
1 star! It got caught on everything! it even got stuck on logistics. Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Louis to their destination. And when they got there they found lots of fancy chocolate truffles." True to his word, he pulled a variety of gourmet chocolates from his pocket and unwrapped one, eating it in a single bite. Licking his fingers, he discovered a bleeding hangnail!
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
The music was outstanding Especially the trumpet player who stood on the stage and proceeded to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!" It was truly a monumental day.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
"That's not a walnut! It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Thankfully, Greg had saved a ton of money by switching to GEICO! And so, when we got back home, having experienced so much and learned so many lessons, we knew we would be facing life with more boldness from then on.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns. Man! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Those guys in blue uniforms always know what to do! They just waltz in and crap on the floor. I've tried to explain to them that this is my floor and I'd really appreciate if they stopped crapping on it, but it's like talking to a more experienced person.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
"Impossible!" I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!"
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
"Perfect!" I thought. "They're designed to be mousetraps, and are cute and fuzzy too." I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Meanwhile, just leaving from there was a group of sweaty pony-tailed girls running toward the cafe we could smell the delicious aromas. We could hardly wait to eat! I even could detect the smell of SUCCESS!! With their youthful energy and can-do attitude, nothing could stop the students from rioting about the demolition of the omelet bar.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I may as well have this with a side of socialism and a hot mug of Bernie Sanders Uber Alles.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
It can be hard to come up with a combination of pizza toppings that will please everyone in the group, but if you stick olives with toothpicks on the pizza, there could be tragic results...like wasting pizza! To serve attractively, place the pizza in my mouth!!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
And just in time, too. Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions. Excellent! Now we're stocked up for some New Year's Eve stompin' noisy fun!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
The pool party should be fun!" Of course there will be a need for towels to wipe up the floor after the shaving cream fight! Of course Xander won because he had the best aim, and because he also had the best laundry hamper in the whole building, word got around and students were constantly knocking on his door to see it!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
So we immediately went loco. Smashing chairs, flipping over tables, drinking liquor after drinking beer, queuing up Taylor Swift songs on the jukebox, it was complete bedlam. That is, until the water hose sprang a leak!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." "It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Now, the only solution would be to tie-dye everything ! So I went shopping and bought 5 boxes of dye.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
You could easily run into a large elk, arctic fox, or other similar sleds and sleighs, all designed to go really fast down a snowy hill, as long as they were not running around in their underwear as if they were about to take the Polar Bear Plunge.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
I tried to buy a burrito at Taco Bell with one of them, but the guy said, " GET back in that X-ray machine! You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger. It must have weighed two pounds.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I then went to library, found the most crowded reading room, and proceeded to bolster my confidence by encouraging myself under my breath.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Yes I decided to do it: every night I would get out a different catalog, open up the turned-down pages, and proceed to checkout when you're finished.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too? I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500. It was chaos! Drivers yelling, managers yelling, the crowd yelling, everywhere there was space to put a composter!
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
It should definitely work for slow-moving targets such as a sloth, but you could run into problems if you taught math class in middle school...hahaha. No, seriously, you would have a problem if you ran out of eggs right in the middle of preparing a tasty snack!
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray. I carried it over to the Speights to see what their opinion would be. And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Toss it in the oven and voila, we are ready for a big bite of a Dagwood sandwich! Layers and layers of vegetables, meats and cheeses, all between two pieces of angel food cake. Now where is that whipped cream and those sugared syrupy pasta dishes, which are only appropriate for Christmastime!
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure. The only thing that could settle my nerves now would be if I could take some time to remove all the apps I don't like.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
ME WANT COOKIE! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette. As a finishing touch, he sprinkled on some red pepper flakes, chopped up jalapeno peppers, and just a splash of vodka. That is a perfect recipe for thin crust Pizza a la Greg. Who want a piece? Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Three rows of seven each. That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow. But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
So, I decided to use paper liners this time, because the last time I didn't, and add any baking powder, so when I took them out of the oven, they looked like they would be delicious!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Red clothes will set it off so, be sure to take the time to look around and enjoy the scenery. You will see gigantic rocks like you have never seen before! I nudged up against one, and it started to move toward a shady spot under a rock.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I am sure I put them in the sock drawer, next to the loaded gun. It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read. Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, Family Handyman, as well as buckets of confetti, streamers, and plenty of loud outfits that we got from the thrift store.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
It's that time again: Get out a fresh, clean sheet of paper and a pen! Put some thought into all the good deeds you would like to do in the coming year.For instance if your neighbor needed his garbage taken to the dump, You could take it to the printer's and have it bound.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
You can be confident it is if you leave the presents on your friend's front porch who lives in the ghetto that they will be picked up by a bunch of charity workers. Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
As they jumped into the pool, the spray stung my eyes and my nose! Blind and coughing, I flailed around, reaching for the plunger, I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, and put all my strength into crushing the walnuts with my bare hands....
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
However, as he stepped over the threshold, he stepped into a cave. He could see tunnels to the SOUTH and NORTH beneath his torchlight. Behind him was sunlight. He checked his INVENTORY. It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments. He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
We're doing an intervention." Of course, this was completely ludicrous to me because I always like to play solo and joining a team at this juncture would be such a bad idea that my Hot Pockets supply would be depleted, and I would also run out of a deep dark tunnel lined with spider webs and hanging from the ceiling were bats!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
How did you get here? I bet you traveled on a expired visa! Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
What the hell?!?!?! What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang " Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine."
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles. It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
So many kids, what else could she do? She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds. All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
But suddenly, swarms of cheese-loving imps scrambled out of the manholes and began devouring the Twinkies from the overturned Hostess truck. Suddenly a riot ensued, and someone called the geology professor.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face. I could count the individual strands of Rayon that composed pink fuzzy dice dangling from his rearview mirror. I could smell what could only be described as vast quantities of Mexican food nearby.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
What if we ran out of food?!! Would any stores be open? I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!" Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds! But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I had spent many, many hours designing, constructing, and then renovating my secret underground lab. It was filled with zombie bits and scattered brains. I was at my wit's end! I figured I would clean it up with the blood of my enemies! And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
To begin with you need a plan and some money for new shelves. Not just any shelves, but the kind that are made of old rotten athletic shoes. I had dozens of them, piled everywhere! They smelled like rotting potatoes. It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
There was a lot, but I managed to get it all stuffed in. With that out of the way, I decided to take a break and get some tinsel to throw on the tree. I could only find silver of course. I took the strands out of the bag and placed them one by one on the shooting gallery.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
a worker yelled, "You can't bring raw brains in here! Get out! who had just walked in with a tray of hot biscuits. she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face! I know! I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going. Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!"
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly. Better than perfect, in fact!" The doctor beamed and said "Your vision is 20 over 200 and you are definitely a candidate for surgery.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
What a revolting development! And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Let the battle begin! The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
I had to choose between organic compost or that big bag of hot air, Joe Blow or Joe Schmoe or whatever his name is. Always offering unsolicited advice. I've got half a mind to take a nap in the nearby hammock.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Wow, the fur did fly! Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you!
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them?
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
My name's Carl. I'm an accountant. One day the boss looked over my shoulder and started laughing hilariously, and then he bellowed, "
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
And with that, he made a U-turn and proceeded back down the road and bumped into a steel spike that protruded from a pile of obliterated concrete.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
In fact, it actually smelled like fertilizor! Confused, I said, " Please don't eat me!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
This made me feel very much like an Ugly American. I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side). We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Needless to say, the manager had never heard such beautiful singing in his life. He smiled, sat down and boo-hooed right there in the mall. What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go!
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper. While we waited, the kids were able to play a beanbag game. They had to throw up their hands and scream "Eureka!!!!" Everyone turned their attention to us and the farmer (who was very creative about recycling) used old tires to start a bonfire.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Who knows? I might be spotted by the next agency of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy. I stepped through the door and fell through a hole in the floor!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
taking this class. In fact most of the students looked at least as old as MS-DOS. Which would put it at about 25 years old. There was also an acoustic coupler modem on display.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle." "Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time. To do this, you just need a lot of patience. One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
We much have been too noisy ourselves because the neighbors called up and said, "
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
I opened the window to breathe some fresh air, but all I could smell was bacon and coffee. That reminded me of when we went camping and we pitched the tent on the side of a hill: When it rained we started sliding down the hill and we landed in a cow patty.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun! The excitement was electric! Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
What! It's a mirage! It's actually a water-saving toilet, and it cost much more than I could afford. In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar. The foil pinwheel toy cost a dollar. In fact, everything we bought cost a dollar! Then we realized we were in a progessive town because our hotel room had "hot water on demand": to conserve the water that normally runs down the sink while you're waiting for it to get hot, there were small water heaters installed right next to the toilet was a strange-looking water saving device.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Everything else had failed...THIS was the one! and 250 lbs, could best be described as high fat, high sodium, and high sugar. Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet! "Hello, toes!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in. It would take half the night to count all the coins! When it is time to go to the bank, I am sure we will NEVER MISS any of this stuff!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Let's see what happens if I push it! Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Too bad some of them were warped from the heat in the attic. But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo. Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal. And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
"I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
The space marine sergeant harrumphed. "Positive ree-en-forcement?!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen. And it seemed to be getting closer! It might just be a squadron of Zentraedi fighters, looking for easy human prey! They're in for a big surprise because our landing wheels won't come down. I think we are going to have a very bumpy landing!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
"We don't want a good principal!" "We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice. Fluff up our pillows! Don't you know who we are? a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
More punk colors: here, stripe your hair with this purple and this pink! That will make you look like Fonzie. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Starbuck's popularity and success are ridiculous. It's amazing that so many people are delighted to spend so much money for something so simple!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
So when I asked the recreation director where to go, he told me to go jump in the lake. I said "I can do better than that! " I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater. They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated. Calmly, she answered, "I'm thinking if we ate nothing but lettuce and skim milk for a month we may look good for the St.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
In the first episode, Ren and Stimpy challenged Mr. T to a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish. There was utter pandemonium until Mr.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Even though he was a very strong man, he wasn't strong enough to defeat Herr Kapitan in hand-to-hand combat. As a result, he was disgraced--and grievously wounded. After he recovered from his coma he discovered he had a new ability: he had heightened awareness of a person's inclinations-- good or evil.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas. How lilting was the music. It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight! "Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Trump if he will sponsor our expo. we'll be able to afford all the makeup we will ever need. And big mirrors too. When we look into the mirrors, we want to see a little more attitude. Show me that anorexic girl who came in a while ago. She has the look we want. She must weigh close to 350 pounds.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Chicken and prunes! Yuk! I would rather have a deadly attack robot! It would have to be at least 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide. And that is hard to find. To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
I exclaimed. "The sites contaminated, and we ourselves slowly dying from some unknown ancient curse, it was only a matter of time before we and all our work disintegrated back into ancient history. We did know for sure however that neanderthals did NOT eat Chicken McNuggets.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I always either had too little lumber, too few nails, or too few employees available to help me! I have no idea where the restrooms are in this store, and I need one bad!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
does NOT apply here! As far as keeping track of your weight, throw out that scale! It will only stress you out, raise your blood pressure and increase your intake of calories.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
As for a hard, scratch-resistant cutting surface, I chose muraled tempered glass. It was beautiful! Shining through from underneath were rows and rows of seats for the home theater. We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people. On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
There is always another challenge around the corner, and the ninja must waste no time seeking it out! Therefore, today I ate 5 bowls of chili beans with chopped up hot dogs. Ah, the warm feeling in my tummy!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry. Can you do better than that?" but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
They were getting tired of all that harrassment. Yeah, and how about that possum! Always eating all their expensive IAMS and bowls of sugar! SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil. over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
I thought it was worth a try, so I plugged in some batteries and turned it on. Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I need to stop and take a break. I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Nefarious had unleashed upon the unsuspecting city. Little did he know, right around the corner there was Emil Blonsky, better known as the Abomination! His pasty yellow reptilian bulk towered over 8 feet tall. When he saw the Hulk he lost his cool and started sniveling and crying.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
Well, one in particular. This guy looked like....well..Dilbert with a problem. We didn't know quite what to do. So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu. Next on the agenda was the Annual Potholder Fair, held every year, where the parents had a potholder-making contest, the winner being presented a trio of woven friendship bracelets.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I looked down and could feel my breakfast coming up. I quickly leaned over and threw up, deftly avoiding potentially lethal food poisoning. Then I grabbed a ticket to go see the biggest cow on the planet. When I peeped through the fence at it, it looked like a NINJA! she said, "
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom. Needless, to say, all the sound equipment was choked with papers that had been discarded right out the window. They lay in wet piles atop the sewer grates, and rats slithered out and began to dance on the grates!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess. This meal should keep the average person satisfied for thirty seconds. Oooh!
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea! plate of tamales, burritos, and enchiladas! The only thing this dish is missing is my face.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
instead of actually performing a dance. So she tried it, and her classmates didn't know whether to be impressed or amused.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar. It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side. He howled, more in anger than pain for nothing could make a person madder than a knock on the nose.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open. Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes! Not a trace was left. As I regained my balance, I mumbled, "Bizarre."
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Who knows? We might even end up with hemmorhoids so bad we won't even be able to sit down. declared Paspartout with a rakish grin. We laughed and laughed; Men wearing hula skirts!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!" As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms. When he finally found the cash register, he looked at it and exclaimed, " You'll won't do me in with that heater!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
But suddenly we heard a loud rushing! Coming straight toward us was a giant footprint in the mud. I could have laid down in it and still had room left over. This did not bode well.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Today we're going to look at these ivys. We have English, Boston, variegated; why we even have poison oak and poison ivy! Now you must beware of the last two because they are poisonous. More poisonous than a brown recluse, in fact! They're so poisonous, that instead of killing a person when the person eats it, this carnivorous plant, averaging 50 feet high, EATS PEOPLE!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
I got the hose inserted into the tire and put in 25 pounds of gas! Then he got on the motorcycle, but it wouldn't roll.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Molly said. "But if you think I'm going to tell you, you are crazier than a bedbug. You need to figure out the answer yourself; so go to the library, and look for a book about Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
We hadn't been to a museum yet so we jumped up and headed for the closest Starbucks. "Boy, these things are everywhere!" I agreed, "Lucky for us...I can't believe I slept till noon and I'm STILL tired! I need a cappucino to wake up!" As we entered the familiar halls of the Louvre, we picked up a museum map and headed for the location of the Mona Lisa.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I think Ethan and I can make better toys on our own. Hey, maybe we could have our own TOY factory! We could invent new ones! And we could sell some of them to the President of the Unites States! He's all about quality, donchew know."
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
You are a sissy! You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. "You have sissy farts! You are a sissy! You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
"Awright you maggots! My name's Sergeant Furlman and I'm here to tan your namby-pamby hides until you're whipped into shape. Maybe then you can a member of this man's army." Seargeant Furlman was intimidating enough even without his gigantic handlebar mustache, but the fact that he would twirl the ends of it when he was mad at us always gave us a warning that bad things were coming.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
NOT AT ME! Aim it that way!" Quickly, I retrieved the wiggling hose and finished cleaning up. Nervously, I looked up at him to see the whole congregation of Lighthouse Worship Center walk through the door right behind him. Whoa Nellie! The kitchen staff were in for some major shipments of hamburgers.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!" I whispered. a voice rasped. I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
They are so rude. They must have learned how to do that from reading Soldier of Fortune magazine. I mean, these rodents were organized. They were always one step ahead of us, always anticipating a gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
The colors blended in the evening twilight until they all resembled mud pies. "How will we ever get all this mud off?" She whined. "Is anybody hurt?" I asked.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
It was an amazing engineering feat to build such a tunnel under such a large amount of debt that no one could afford to rent the equipment to dig them out. "Let's call the National Guard," I said, "Does anybody have a cell phone?"
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Bonnie said, "Every time I see one, it makes me want to cry. I just can't help it. I get all teary-eyed; and then I start to wonder why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green? Why--" And just then the drugs kicked in and then the convulsions started.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Too many sesame seeds I think. Hey they look more like poppy seeds! Now we're in trouble. The Sheriff will think we have turned into an opium den. What to do?! Maybe we should replace them with soy. Do you think anyone would be able to get all those wads of gum from underneath the tables?
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
But before she could drink it, she had to add a spoonful of honey and a little squirt of diarrhea, and she knew she should haven't eaten that greasy platter of fries and fried chicken with extra grease. But that's OK, because we had fire insurance.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head. Then they all stood in a circle and shouted the team's motto long and loud. And that motto was "
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Batman. Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Unable to steer, her frustration at the malfunction gave way to panic as the obstacle loomed ahead, a giant miasmic mix of sulfuric and methane gases, swirling, boiling, reaching out for the next great leader in the cataclysmic battle for galactic supremacy. There can be only one escape pod module.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
"So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals." "Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord." Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness. Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Finally, they spilled out into the aisles of the auditorium and all threw their hats into the air. Yeeha! We graduated! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans. She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
And the best place for that will be in the kitchen, where the food is. Greg nodded slowly and deliberately as he reached for the Ovaltine. When he opened the cabinet, Lo, and behold, he found his missing bottle of pills. Oh, how he had suffered without them!