Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer! Will we run out of time to catch the sunset. Phooey!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Something stinks, and it's not the flowers. Time for a change of clothes: work boots, old jeans, and that t-shirt with a hole in it will be the perfect outfit for attending the funeral.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
This kind of lichen is edible! Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry,"
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
That took quite some time, but fortunately, they at least had an overstock of those little peanut snack bags to hand out to everyone. By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
You quickly need to scoop out all that stagnant water!" Everyone just stared at her blankly.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
category for an hour and I wasn't even halfway through! There must be a faster way! But I just kept scrubbing with the bar of grit and learned online, I should be using my reading glasses. I thought the title of this story was "Trolling at 3am", so I went on the interwebs and collected the most toxic posts I could find, and I mixed them all together into a steaming hot mess, but unfortunately they didn't balance.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
I haven't had any for hours and I'm starting to go into withdrawal! I need at least a dozen hot meat pies and lots of layers to survive a cold night such as this. The wind howled ferociously out the window. Suddenly, from the dark, something caught their attention.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
So I made a catnip tea and put out 2 bowls of it. After drinking their fill...woohoo! they then proceeded to let loose a tremendous battle cry, striking fear into the hearts of their enemies. Their fury was legendary, their strength and unity were more than we could contend with.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
And you know who else knows? Why of course: Thunderstorms' trainer, big brother, and Union Jack-adorned fellow wrestler, London Bridge. Bridge was the broadest of wrestlers in the league, and about twice as wide as a mere mortal.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
The entire room erupted in song! We raised our glasses and forgot all about the present wrapping, and joined in with singing and dancing. The music was outstanding Especially the trumpet player who stood on the stage and proceeded to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!"
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery. It spoke no English, but followed orders well. He was also very mannerly.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open....
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there! It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns. Man! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes. It was transcendent. Mesmerized, we ate popcorn and drank beer while the spectacle continued. Eventually we ran out of mushroom booze.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Hmmm... I think I will pick out a sweet little Donald Trump, the 45th president of the United States, wanted to meet Milo.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
So a crew of many students vigorously applied their muscle power and with great success, they snapped the toothpick in half. The table full of jocks nearby were laughing their heads off, but little did they know what was lurking behind the door of the Chemistry Lab...
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
So instead I placed a couple business cards. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess,"
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Imagine our surprise when we looked out the window and we saw snowflakes floating down from the sky. Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Then arrange them attractively around the orange pools of grease that the pepperoni left behind. Or, you could try sopping up the grease with handfuls of brand new copper pennies! How pretty! Now I will take a snapshot with my new neighbors.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, "
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
And I cannot seem to find it. Do I need to attend a focus group?
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Bonus! came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!"
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
He looked at me like I was an idiot. he said as we sped toward the marina. When we got there, a huge fog bank rolled in, and it looked really scary, so we waited until the sun went down. Then it was cooler because we switched the fan to counter-clockwise, and that made us feel sleepy.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
she said gravely, "It is real." Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." "It's not real!" I shouted.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist! Hahaha! Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Even Donald Trump would want to own this... I will call him right away and say." 3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it." With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
How annoying. I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!"
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
And you can do it all in 10 minutes tops....unless of course you have to register with Click and Pay which takes forever.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
That way it will be super-easy to make tons of money selling homemade compost !! !!! That way it will be super-easy to make tons of money selling homemade compost !!
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Spicy, meaty, and with a little hint of mint! Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Better get out that rake because the leaves will be coming down ! You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose. sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Like the time when he says, "I'm sorry but your son-in-law has cancelled your phone service. We can start a new contract for you and bill it to the nearest patriarch." Another important thing to think about is how are you going to protect your phone from accidental impacts?
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Hey heeeeyyyyy sounds like someone is trying to be cool, but no one is cooler than the real Fonz. And his line is "Ayyyy." Boooooo Wooooo was that an excellent comeback or what?!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly! So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb. Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Sure enough, one kid was way too messy to read. on every paper except one, on which she wrote: "100%" She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right. She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!" We are expecting at least 10,000 pounds of bacon being consumed at the synagogue open house.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
For example, don't just say that you're going to lose weight. Say you're going to take a trip around the world !!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Arrange them in a semi-circle under the Christmas tree, but make sure they are not near any pets.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
My nose led me to the conclusion that we should call a plumber. It seems pretty obvious if the toilet won't even flush. Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
I called 911 and guess who answered! = Some guy in an elf costume! "HaHa! That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet! Some people think they are dead!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
I could tell they weren't from here, they looked like they were from another planet!! I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could! Bursting through the opening, they couldn't believe their eyes: the new wireless mouse was growing fur and teeth !!!!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Bring some comic books. But the funniest suggestion of all was to don't even worry about it, just go ahead and take some time to consider who you want to take with you. Maybe one choice would be Mr. T. I pity the fool! Quit your jibba-jabba! I ain't flying in no plane, you crazy alien from Mars!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices. This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!! We have only so many square inches of skin!
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game. What the hell?!?!?! What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game. And with that, the screen went blank!! What the hell?!?!?! What a bad game ending!!!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
The whole theater is completely dark, and the ushers are busily passing out fliers advertising a competing movie theater!"
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
I slowed my walking and waited to see whether it would fall from its own weight. Seconds ticked by, a minute...two minutes. It teetered in the breeze. Just when the tension was almost too much to bear, the elastic snapped in my sweat pants, and I had to quickly step up the pace.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
It's napalm. In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Get on him, before he prepared the meal. Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of tiny red garden ripe tomatoes that are so tasty when they are added to the pease porridge in the pot, nine days old.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
The surrounding bystanders followed suit out of disgust, creating a massive river of blood, as high as a horse's bridle! It's the apocalypse for sure!
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Covering my face with my hands, I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. A moment later, all hell broke loose as she screamed, "WHAT IS THAT??" "What?" I said. "I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Now how did those get in here? Well, they were in the way so I moved them next to my collection of Bunsen burners, candles, and fireworks.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Then you know what happens! I have to poop! But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Then put the egg cartons on top of the crates of rockets that we got from GI Joe's military surplus. For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Imagine if post-impressionism and paisley had a child which then vomited onto a sheet of paper: that would look about twice as nice as this paper.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
who had just walked in with a tray of hot biscuits. she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face! I know! I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
We surrepticiously crossed the street and found a a secret cave lined with dozens of bats and hundreds of poopy tax return pages.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil. Within moments they were fast asleep, and I was able to turn flips so fast that we could not keep our eyes focused; nor could we show our face in Chuck E. Cheese again, not after the last debacle.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Abiathar needed the pulverizer hammer which would be even stronger if he was carrying a load of dynamite in order to tie up Abiathar! That ploy would never work, because a hero gets tired of going to the hospital over and over! Abiathar needs Artorios's help.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills. That was easy. Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
My garden was in sad shape. It had been neglected for far too long and as I rolled up my sleeves, I resolved to do something about it!
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink! I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
He swiftly landed in full view of the spectators that had gathered to watch the race! They cheered, they waved, and they put the pedal to the metal and zoomed past the hidden radar. Quick as a wink, they saw blue lights in the rear view mirrors, so they hightailed it across the state, carefully avoiding known speed traps, living off of coffee and Slim Jims, and sleeping in the car in Wal-Mart parking lots.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
This bold statement caused a huge increase in his medical malpractice insurance premiums. He may have to terminate his membership at the country club. Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them?
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I dunked them in a thing of tartar sauce, then demanded some pieces of carbon paper to make some old-fashioned copies of himself from the cloning machine!! There were 100 accountants, all identical!! They all laughed, and said you look like an alien!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Just kidding, of course, but who knows, you may end up in Swaziland, in a dark jungle, surrounded by insipid but angry Frenchmen frothing epithets at us proudly patriotic Americans.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
I could hear the sound of sleigh bells coming from the roof! Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!! Luckily, they had heard this brainteazor before, (or hopefully one of them was a good gueszor).
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Oh! What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I realized that whichever one of us was driving would really have to pay attention, knowing that they were about to be invaded by Germany again!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I ordered a quad shot espresso - only problem was by the time we got to the store, my hands were skipping over the keypad like a skilled pianist playing Chopin. I had entered my Visa number so many times, I got a rubber stamp instead. I first used it to wipe my nose.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers. I tried to hit the button to open the drawer, but it really didn't matter if a few pickles fell on the floor.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Boy, it stank, but the flames reached to pick up a jar of homemade apple butter!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere. With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Smelly! And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music. Boy, do I hate it! Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers. That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof. Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
It's your reward for your great progress. Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It really worked, because when we woke up and looked out the window, we saw at least 100 people waiting for us to start setting up!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said! Well, after hearing that, I was ready to sharpen all my pencils, and I discovered I need to go buy a new pocketsize spiral notebook and a black power cable.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Like Confucious say, "Cat never full." That's why you have to have a wide base, or else a strong foundation, if you're going to make it that tall. So to save floor space, you could try cement ing your mouth shut and let me do the thinking, OK? Now it should be simple to fix.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools! They wear out or break even before you've finished one project! It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Well, I did, anyway. She thought that the circular saw would be perfect to slice the ham and salami for our lunch that day - can you believe that?"
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
But if you feel you must, you can just give me a chance! I'll be the best Space Marine you've ever seen, I promise! Now please repeat your name very slowly. Because I have short-term memory loss, you may even have to punch the button repeatedly to make it work, okay?"
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels! Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I asked for extra cheese, Cause let me tell you, I'm not in it for the pepperoni, man! Not the sauce! I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul. Because quitters never win, and winners never quit. And I'm a winner!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
That helps takes the edge off when you get too stressed. Got your expensive Ginsu knives?? Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish!
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Why, I remember when 8-tracks were giving way to audio cassettes! Now, music is one of those things you can't live without. It's like the heartbeat of the spirit, man. It's the soundtrack of life.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
The bigger the better. The biggest I've ever seen. In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
"Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors? How fast can this thing go?"
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
"I can't believe you just wet your pants! Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Whew! Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident! That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
There was utter pandemonium until Mr. T. 's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, " All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time?
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Remember how heavy those wallets and purses used to get? Sometimes they seemed to weigh as much as bowling balls! Even though he was a very strong man, he wasn't strong enough to defeat Herr Kapitan in hand-to-hand combat.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I checked for other supplies: bandoliers, ammo, and flak jackets. Once the weather got really hot them Yankee-land touristers might come hunting for your A/C, and you gotta be prepared. We loaded up on sunscreen and popsicles, and took off!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I'll be dragging my behind after I finish all this shopping. and buy a notepad for myself, so I can write down a list of people to whom we must send boxes of processed cheese and hard sausages. We must get those orders out right away! You know everyone just loves those boxes of styrofoam peanuts.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Now fix your wardrobe immediately!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress?
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place. Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life?
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
We arrived all excited to start our search for buried treasures. First we set up out tents and dug latrines into which to put the daily entries, which should include date, grid coordinates, name of the person who found it, and a description of ancient Babylonian bones with the addition of old photos of amazingly preserved pies!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
See, once you get the idea, you'll understand you can't live on rice cakes and water. And that's when you'll need a tongue depresser and flashlight in order to look down your nose at people who weigh more than you do! God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
After that I had forgotten my problems and was ready to mix the cement. We needed a large wheel barrow and plenty of buckets of cement. "Hey, take those back down! You don't build a roof with wheels of gouda cheese! Are you insane?" "Well, at least I didn't try to dig a basement.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
A sign of a true ninja is lack of contentment. There is always another challenge around the corner, and the ninja must waste no time seeking it out! Therefore, today I ate 5 bowls of chili beans with chopped up hot dogs. Ah, the warm feeling in my tummy! Ah, the power coming out of my legs, my arms, my fingertips.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever. So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun? I bet that would get more people to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon. When it was over, Barrister lay there panting.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal. The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket. I didn't know how to adjust the applause meter. Everyone seemed to be clapping too hard or too soft. It was hopeless.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with? Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house. We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact. the Hulk bellowed, "But the Hulk is strongest there is! Me prove it! Me dumb.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
"This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned. she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Each one weighed 200 pounds! Everyone who saw them were amazed, but many couldn't help whispering to each other, " I surely would like a taste of that there apple pie! I know it will be a blue ribbon winner. Look at that flaky crust! Look at those plump chunks of meat on that carcass.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"I need to get some of that!" Bob exclaimed. "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'" He said that so loudly, I jumped. "Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper. I need more flavor! Pilot! Pilot! I need a pilot! Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Meat, eggs, cheese, even chopped veggies mixed with ranch dressing, peanut butter, honey, butter, and more peanut butter.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
instead of actually performing a dance. So she tried it, and her classmates didn't know whether to be impressed or amused. Her ability to spin on her toes was phenomenal. We could only watch in amazement, envying her strength and grace. "How beautiful are the deep pools of blue that are your eyes.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
"Boy, this is sure going to blow my diet!" she said, " Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's. What a find! I grabbed it quickly because I wanted to add it to my collection. I tried it out too. While I was whirling it around my waist, I started to feel nostalgia for the carefree days of my youth, once so far away, but now closer for seeing the whole collection of Scooby Doos all in one place was amazing!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
You know what it will do to you. It will cause itchy feet. That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning. Now we are headed for the North Pole! We will be on top of the world! Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
While we were waiting, a guy ran through the font doors waving a gun around! He was obviously crazed. Spittle flew from his jabbering lips as he said to the man behind bars, "Go wash your hands in that sink over there.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
And when you're done with that, go fetch us some more sweet tea. Then it's time to eat! Here, take this bag of grass seed and scatter it around the dining table, in between the ham, biscuits 'n' gravy, grits, and cornbread. And when you're done with that, go fetch us some more sweet tea.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
That's when we heard it: birdlike calls, a sound like distant rumbling thunder, and the snapping, cracking sound of large trees falling. We didn't know what it was and adrenalin surged as we all jumped to our feet.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like. It looks like a cross between a marigold and a dandelion. If you see one of these, pull it up! It's a weed. So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Three tires were fine, but the fourth tire was almost flat! I got the hose inserted into the tire and put in 25 pounds of gas! Then he got on the motorcycle, but it wouldn't roll. He realized he needed to oil his wheels.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
As the last one exited the door, there came a loud applause from the audience, who then began to shout in unison," Look out for the alligator!" Celina wasn't scared of alligators. She'd been in the river back home in Brazil many times with them.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I screamed. "Why, I oughta punch your red diaper doper baby lights out! You flamin' liberal French sissy.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
Let's see if the robbers are still in the parking lot." We dashed out and found them sitting in a puddle of urine. They didn't get to the bathroom in time!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Maybe it's to interrupt conversations with long drawn-own guttural (Yeah from the gut to be sure!) sounds that brought with them whisps of sickening smells that were sure to make even a strong man wilt like a flower that's been in the sun too long.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
But not good if your feet were covered with blisters, stuck with splinters, and if the ground oozed with the green slime from that pond we sloshed through earlier, while holding up our rifles so they wouldn't get wet!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Maybe it was because the cook turned out to be an ex-con. There was something dark and sinister about him.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
They don't want neat! They don't want orderly! They don't want work! Kids these days, they just want--errgkhh..." At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead. I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?"
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Oops, too big! Now what? Well, just fill it up again. To accomplish this, one will have to accumulate enough borax to kill all the mice. "Hell, Betty," Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
It must have been cooked with bacon grease. That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation. This one has been a blast! We have had so much fun that I know next summer will be even better.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I come prepared for anything! Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!" We had to use a submarine to get to it. None of us had ever driven one before, but the tunnel was easy to drive through because there were all kinds of lights and even air conditioning.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
But the weather report was not so good, so when they looked up into the sky they saw not only the police helicopters arriving in the distance as reinforcements, but also the vultures had already started circling.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
That was when I knew I had to lie down quickly and start my bio-feedback session.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns. Too many sesame seeds I think.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Time was running out. He knew he must write his will, so to Jackie Chan he would leave his collection of gemstones in his secret hiding place. No one would ever think to challenge my power again. They had thought to feast upon me, but they were fed only wrath.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
But he decided he needed help, so he asked a group of socialist insurgents to stop making so much racket and go buy them lunch. In exchange, they agreed to exchange insider information, hoping that the authorities would never find out.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
but its gravitational whirlpool had the power to leap tall builings in a single bound. Because of the low gravity, the buildings were very tall, so tall, in fact, that they were able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. In fact... exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Lady Man was known through the olde towne as a ravishing womanizer, and had gotten in trouble with one too many gladiators who had come from Rome to the countryside of England to train. They came in groups of 100, building arenas in which to fight. Their living quarters were made out of popscicle sticks, painstakingly glued together, then painted with multicolor butterflies swarmed through his brain.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
The shopkeeper couldn't believe it! What was happening?!! Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store! We are going to get this matter settled once and for all, said the judge as he beckoned Lord Elsington to even higher status within the SSBC: Secret Society of British Cats.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
He waved at him, and yelled, "Where did you graduate from? Podunk U.?!! Your degree must have been written with invisible ink!" He started to sit down, but then yelled again, " but still no luck. reply. This could only mean one thing, the subjects for the theses were all wrong!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy. I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased! He spent most of the time talking about himself. As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Greg nodded slowly and deliberately as he reached for the Ovaltine. When he opened the cabinet, Lo, and behold, he found his missing bottle of pills. Oh, how he had suffered without them! Now, long gone would be the pain.