Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
And thinking of that, what does a dog like to eat for breakfast?? Woofles and Pooched Egg'! what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself. Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time?
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
No one was able to react in time, and it landed, with a hollow skitter-clatter, on the tile floor, impossibly unbroken.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
As my eyelids slid closed of their own volition, the last thing I heard from the crackling, dying radio was "Oh, the weather outside is frightful..." If I could just sleep for a minute or two, I could probably get enough strength to make it to the road. As my eyelids slid closed of their own volition, the last thing I heard from the crackling, dying radio was "Oh, the weather outside is frightful..."
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Most people's mud rooms have a bench where you can sit down and take off your muddy boots before you go into the house. This one, for as-yet unclear reasons, had a duffel bag filled to bursting with arms and ammunition. We were concerned, to say the least, but we couldn't deny that the in-flight safety briefing was really funny, even funnier than some of the Southwest Airlines ones we saw on Youtube.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
After about 8 hours, the turkey was halfway cooked. We were starting to get ravenous, waiting around getting hungry. We started looking for the giblets. You boil those separately. They make good broth. Once you're sure you have them all, put them in your mouth.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
And he doesn't know a thing about software unless it is his mitered hat, but that is kinda stiff. And shelves? He never puts anything away. Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens??
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
It wears you out and subtracts the pleasure from a trip. What you should do along the way is schedule a good amount of trolling. 3am is OK, but most people are asleep.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
As usual, it was the simplest solution which made the most sense. The fear in our hearts diminished somewhat as each of the treacherous Kiwis was pushed into the holding zone.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
I am sending her back to the manufacturer! Sending IT* back. This was the most disappointing robotic vacuum I had ever used.*
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
If I have to wait any longer, I will have to make a point to go to bed early tonight. It's so soothing to listen to the thunder rolling while reading a book about the Oregon Trail. It took 5 grueling months to go from St. Louis to their destination.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
That thing has really come in handy! After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over. They would be so impressed with my new toy' When they arrived they looked at my grand display and with great enthusiam, they said, "
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
she said. "That's not a walnut! It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
It was a little scary, thinking how many cosmic rays might be whizzing all around us. What I really wanted to do after listening to all of that was break something.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns. Man! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store! I felt soooo proud! Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
And I could become friends with all the nice men in the cute orange jumpsuits who were already out there in the wild blue yonder. Anyway I also thought Bill Miller's Barbecue might be a good place to work. Certainly the smells there would be delightful! Wow! Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs??
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid! so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man? The Shadow knows. He also knows where all the best cookie crumbs are! the whole family had to move. So be very, very careful never to leave a trail of crumbs to your bedside!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
If you need ANYthing, just ask me, and I will refer you to my friend: Chuck Norris." He tapped his conductor's rod on the podium, and then, when he was sure he had their attention, he said, "I am the Big Cheese around here. If you need ANYthing, just ask me, and I will refer you to my friend: Chuck Norris."
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I yelled. "What are we supposed to sprinkle on our tacos, for crying out loud?! HOW ABOUT A NICE SPRINKLING OF HOT HOT HOT SRIRACHA SAUCE !!!" That will make everybody want to go to the Alamo! Enjoy your time there, but there's more! Right across the street was a dog kennel for stray dogs of all sizes.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Bring on the onion, black olive (or should I say o-LOVE?), green pepper, and chopped onion, grated cheese of course, and and a whole mini jar of MUSHROOMS!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun! And just in time, too. Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Each group had to write an essay explaining the best way for the REST of the groups to be enthusiastic. This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm."
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface? It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
The AC had quit and it was stifling hot. So holding my head down, on it I sprayed menthol, and a bit of mint-scented oil. The immediate effect was the perspiration started evaporating and I felt so cool! So cool that that I had to put on a show to impress the neighbors.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists. "It's not real!" I shouted.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
However, I must add more hot if I'm going to have a snowball fight, I need to build a fort!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief. It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco !
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Sweating, I said "Give me that package!" But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
And that is what we advertise at our little roadside stand.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He had had it! He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
The next thing to do is to take some string and weave a hanging basket. Be sure to make it strong enough so you can trap large prey. It should definitely work for slow-moving targets such as a sloth, but you could run into problems if you taught math class in middle school...hahaha.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Greg started the seedlings from vintage seeds nestled in a tray of fortified walls to keep out the zombies!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself!
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
The name of it was Clash of the Terrible Twos. Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Isn't real life reality enough? Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Obviously that will help improve the borders of the property by planting every 18 inches a small new sprout. So many new beginnings! It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
You have to be careful if you encounter one because You can't tell if it is going to bite you or try to hump you! Red clothes will set it off so, be sure to take the time to look around and enjoy the scenery. You will see gigantic rocks like you have never seen before!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
After I walked through the metal detector, I heard someone say, " Mind The Gap!" His authoritative tone irked me, so I took particular care in minding who was sitting next to me. I was watching for turbans, scarves, and most of all I was mindful of the gap.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
In fact it should take about this long: 15 and a half femtoseconds. You would need a pulsed X-ray laser to measure that time frame! It could also measure each kid to make sure the desks were the right size. Sure enough, one kid was way too messy to read.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!" We are expecting at least 10,000 pounds of bacon being consumed at the synagogue open house.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
I exclaimed. "OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want?
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Second, you have to get someone to put their finger in the middle of a bow, so you can pull out just as much as you need.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Oh well, more brownies for us. He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts! He went into anaphylactic shock and died.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting. That's my favorite! He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet ! Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious."
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Soon afterwards, the mead hall exploded, fat orange cheese wheels spilling through the shattered wooden walls by the score. Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts. WRONG! You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game! Why if I had not been concentrating, my handsome hero would surely have fallen into debt. Video games are expensive, especially if you buy them when they first come out, or even pre-order them.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
"HEY!! SHUT THAT OFF!" I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang " Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine."
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
I'll never burn off those calories from last night's dinner at this rate. As I broke into a jog, I peered down into the muddy puddle and spied something moving!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call the plumber! This is a job for a professional! Do not try to eat beans that have not been cooked long enough.. They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
So many kids, what else could she do? She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds. All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
We went to the dealership, looked into the showroom, and we saw a brand spanking new Interstellar G9X Ion-Charged Singularity Accelerator. This thing could wipe out a whole solar system. To ensure it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands, I wrapped it in brown paper, tied it up with twine, and hid it in the attic.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me! Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Surely there must be a better profession for me, like the job I just saw advertized in the classified: "Private lab time needed immediately for sensitive experiments. Highest compensation offered.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
This is the way to do it: First, stack up the ammo boxes you have scattered all over the floor. How can you expect to be able to deal with the revenooers properly if all your ordnance is in such slaphappy disorder?
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
"Eat my dust, turkeys!" I yelled out the window as the car shot out of the stocking which was hanging on the mantle. I heard a rustling in the chimney, an looked up and saw a huge SALE sign!!! It covered the entire front of the store!! I'd never seen anything like it. It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
That would look so cool on my hat. I got on the internet and ordered one from this company called " The Joke's on You, LLC." They specialize in sneaky stuff like letting the air out of the sweatband of the hat where I found a secret note!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" I told him, " Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Rhonda exclaimed, "While you're in there, why don't you get me a metal prod so I can get behind the eyeball and repair the side of my car that the guy smashed into when he was trying to park, cuz he couldn't see worth a darn."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach. But he wouldn't be staying there for long. With a single punch, Abiathar managed to finish his mission and start a new one, which was to rescue a mad scientist and kill all the lights before he made his big debut.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
And I hadn't saved my game! I was so mad! I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It had been neglected for far too long and as I rolled up my sleeves, I resolved to do something about it! It was just past the crack of dawn when I noticed a bunch of slimy slugs eating away at my petunias. So I poured on them some high powered weed killer.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town" over and over again until I could not stand it any longer, so I stood up and moved the cabinet of electronics components closer to the desk, so they'd be easy reach when they climbed down from the high cat tower.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
There's no place better than Montana to test the speed of your new car, but just getting there without a speeding ticket is the tricky part.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!"
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr. Rogers, of Mr.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
And et, und, et cetera. I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph. Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer...
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It had 5 heads and couldn't spell! Is that like an appraizor? Come appraize my house, and bring your 5 clipboards! "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I will be bold and ask him," Where is the bathroom? Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go! The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Just a small faux pas, she thought. Well, think again!! The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
When we counted them we ended up with 1,416 pumpkins. That was more than enough to make some pumplin pie. We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Is this a real story??!! What are you thinking?! = Waa waa waa waa I'm all out of cough syrup!!!!!!!! You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs. Let me demonstrate, Kent."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Smelly! And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music. Boy, do I hate it! Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
All the monounsaturated oil made it count! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs. There is no A/C in a race car, and it gets pretty darn hot in the cabin. The vest, of course, is for protection.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
And when you go be sure you ask the customer service person there, how to install a low-flow toilet. They save so much water, and they work just as well as the traditional kind. Really. So don't worry about flushing the toilet. We can wear nose plugs and burn the leftover sludge, even though everyone knows a better use for it would be to put it into a bucket beside the commode.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight. Stuff like what to get and what to avoid at the grocery, how to eat out smartly, and above all, remember it's not about a number, it's about how you feel!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Imagine seeing him again, here, after all these years! It sure is a small fire button! Let's see what happens if I push it! Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
I retorted, "Yeah? Well you're a stupid head! And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, "
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
The doctor sighed and took out the tongue depressor and inserted it into the patient's file. "It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years." "What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays?
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo. Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal. And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I just stood there for a second because I was so amazed that a ruptured gas line could shoot flames that high! It must have been 30 feet into the air.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
It was a car full of phase rifles and doom grenades! the driver said. "Hop in and tell me where you want to go. I am your free taxi service today! But if you feel you must, you can just give me a chance! I'll be the best Space Marine you've ever seen, I promise!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
I think we are going to have a very bumpy landing! Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
And they may not reveal this preference to their friends, but instead privately enjoy this secret pleasure. Others glory in it, and freely share their personal joys.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Eventually, this began to attract flies. "Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
and on the back it would say "got r00t?" Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties. We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos. And your hair needs more color!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks. I hate it when they serve me coffee. I wish they would go work at becoming more efficient at the cash register!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull! "They really ought to do something about that!"
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater. They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
"What's the deal with all the psychedelic colors?" She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!" Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy. It's all about finding the sources of disposable cellphones.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
A secret agent. A spy, to be precise. My headquarters is Spy Base Alpha, and from here we have access to all communications satellites, private and government-owned foreign and domestic. Over here, we don't need money; we trade and barter for everything.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I checked for other supplies: bandoliers, ammo, and flak jackets. Once the weather got really hot them Yankee-land touristers might come hunting for your A/C, and you gotta be prepared.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
"Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Taking a deep breath, Jacqueline stepped over to the male model and adjusted his collar. Nice! But still, she really did want to do modeling herself. Sigh. I guess for now, it was all just a fantasy! She paused for a final jelly doughnut before entering the inner sanctum of the plush office where dozens of models were milling around, considering who would look best in which outfit.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
To help me I think I'll ask the bartender. "What do you recommend?" He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before stomping on the gas pedal and screaming out of the parking lot like a bat out of H-E-double hockey sticks.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
We called the photographer over to get his opinion of the background, and then we set up the .50-caliber machine guns to defend our site from looters. Rare artifacts can fetch a healthy price on the black market, just like scarred old remnants of ancient civilizations.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
When I got there I saw pickup trucks coming and going all day long.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods? Point out to me what you are choosing: to live a normal life, or to waste away like an orchid in Death Valley.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
No worries about putting a hot dish on that! As for a hard, scratch-resistant cutting surface, I chose muraled tempered glass.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
he said, his breath knocked out all the windows in the art studio. Paint, easels, brushes were all flying out the window and straight into the exit tunnel! Running as fast as he could, he yelled over his shoulder, "I've had enough of this!" Even louder, he screamed, "
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Finally Election Day was here! And early in the morning, all across the country, the vote counters were ready for the squads of illegal immigrants and communists to descend upon the voting booths, there to wipe down all surfaces with antibacterial scrub.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Wow-Meow! Were they delicious! Now I just want to lie down in the sun and dream about life beyond these four gray walls.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
It was like a river of foamy green beer. he explained jovially. We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Speak to the hand! Because I don't want to look at your last moments of life on this earth!"
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Russell used some when he worked at Busch; let's call him."
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
When he saw the Hulk he lost his cool and started sniveling and crying. And on top of that, he even began to cry. Everyone got very quiet. No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!"
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
Next on the agenda was the Annual Potholder Fair, held every year, where the parents had a potholder-making contest, the winner being presented a trio of woven friendship bracelets.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that? Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
I'm Tannie McCool, and you're watching News at 11. Our top story tonight is "Back to School!" Which store has the best deal on school supplies? What about separation anxiety? Here with their opinions on this story are economics expert Bylo Sellhi, and psychologist Druggum Tilltheyzone: "It is simple to see that John Kerry is a drugged up spendthrift."
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Everything tastes good in a tortilla! Meat, eggs, cheese, even chopped veggies mixed with ranch dressing, peanut butter, honey, butter, and more peanut butter.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it. So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience. Then, the dancers to the sides move toward the center, and the dancers in the center move you must do a somersault, ending in a backflip, and still have enough energy left to do four running leaps diagonally across the dance floor.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side. He howled, more in anger than pain for nothing could make a person madder than a knock on the nose. That soft cartilage is so sensitive, so easy to bleed, so tender and kind.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I asked the white, gristly fellow. He said, "I don't have enough money. just wait while I go over to that ATM where I can get some fresh strawberries! My favorite food! and there they are! Waiting for us....all squeaky clean and shining with colorful beads!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Where are we going? To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China. Yes, that is a "must see". Also I want to swim in the Great Barrier Reef. I am sure when I am there I will see many architectural wonders.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect. But I assure you I didn't do it. Please note how cooperative I'm being.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
First I started washing the windows. That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Look how long the toenails are! Why they must be as long as a 50-foot garden hose! Duck!" he screamed. We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us. We quickly crawled to the police station and cried for help.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
We have English, Boston, variegated; why we even have poison oak and poison ivy! Now you must beware of the last two because they are poisonous.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He filled up his gas tank and kept going. And then, birds landed on him! So he started singing: "Zippidy doo-dah, zippidy-ey, my o' my what a wonderful day just the kind of day for a hot rod race on the open road. Start your engines!"
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Molly was almost 7 feet tall and weighed 260 lbs. Her hair was blonde and braided into long pigtails which were wrapped around her bulging arms. Muscles rippled under the skin with even the slightest movement. she said with a resounding contralto.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Where's that music coming from? It seems to be all around us!" She was right; the very air seems to be immersed in vaporized perfume.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
There was a sale on homemade play dough. It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan".
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Soon we had to come up with another idea. So we took wet paper towels and stuffed them in our ears so we wouldn't have to listen to the crybabies. We made fun of them because their farts were so soft and quiet.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
What I couldn't understand was why we never got to sleep more than 5 hours at a time. Everyone was totally exhausted and very irritable. Why one day in the mess hall, we had a terrible food fight when everyone was throwing fits about the insufficient supplies.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Pretty soon the whole parking lot was full of chicken nuggets! Hundreds of them! Crate after crate of chicken nuggets!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I growled as I walked in. She said, " Hand me that application and I will see if you are qualified to take any classes. I want you to know that I make the final decision, so you better be on your p's and q's.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread. Yeah, and we need some meats! And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
Scrub off the slime and grime of a sweaty, dusty day. There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE! And that's ALL I NEED! And my pup tent. In case it rains. And that's ALL I NEED! And this chair. And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery. And this rock.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
This report must be written on the subject of underwater basket weaving. The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China. "Why does everything have to be ethnic?
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Bonnie exclaimed, " If we could all just CALM DOWN! Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall! (giggle!)" About an hour later we were all too drunk to stand up, but we sure weren't stressed anymore.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
The manager handed it to me and walked off. I didn't know what to do, the meat had been sitting all night unrefrigerated. Who in the world let that happen?! The early morning drive-thru lane was already backing up.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
What in the world else would a Grandma have at the end of a long day........or at the beginning of a short one?!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
In fact, you couldn't see them at all until the curtain of blood was gone. The massive and violent battle was finally finished. The weapons were lying in disarray. The wounded combatants looked at each other and said, "
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Because of the low gravity, the buildings were very tall, so tall, in fact, that they were able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. In fact... exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
But only an hour later, the King and all his countrymen gathered on the field of battle.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
I really, really, really want to watch a kids' show! PLEASE!" his mom said, "your screen time is all used up for today. Tomorrow is a new day and you can renew your magazine subscriptions over the phone, but only if you act now!"
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
On some he saw expectation, on others he saw apprehension. But on one particular face he saw himself! The similarity was remarkable!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy. I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
the time had come to eat a Burger King Whopper. "I want cheese on mine!" Greg whined. But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures. Therefore I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good.