| Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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|---|
| 174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! Where did we land? We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes!
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| 173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
This bottle had survived bombing runs, train rides, baggage valets handing it off from country to country, until it finally reached 2021. Now in his safekeeping, it was an exhilarating thought to know he might be the one to uncork it one day and unleash an onslaught of antique aromas nearly a century old.
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| 172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
"Get out of the way of that rapidly moving ice stor' Have you no sense??" We then proceeded to wend our way through Wendy's, admiring everyone's entree as we approached the front counter.
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| 171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
We could not get out! we were getting so dizzy, and as a last resort we tried crawling on our hands and knees. That took quite some time, but fortunately, they at least had an overstock of those little peanut snack bags to hand out to everyone.
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| 170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border.
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| 169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
When you stop to think about it, we spend a lot of time installing things: software, shelves, popes, ...Wait!
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| 168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. We steeled our resolve and And?
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| 167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
Glittering like a jewel, the stream disappeared into the woods to their left. Crouching down to drink, they discovered that the radiation coming from the ocean was off the charts. Something massive and unprecedented was stirring beneath the surface, and it was probably angry. It was impossible to deny: Sweet dreams are made of cheese / Who am I to dis a brie?
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| 166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
So I made a catnip tea and put out 2 bowls of it. After drinking their fill...woohoo! they then proceeded to let loose a tremendous battle cry, striking fear into the hearts of their enemies.
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| 165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
Maybe the best remedy would be to accept that you can't do laundry if the power is out. So just relax and admire the autograph. "You rock! Love, Thunderstorms", it read in a barely legible hand. Thunderstorms was never known for his verbosity.
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| 164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
We must keep up our strength while we do all this wrapping! Please, help yourself to another cup of egg nog. Now have a seat and relax.
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| 163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat! It's got vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Everything your body needs.
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| 162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open.... I was so afraid to look. I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod. Luckily it was activated already, so the geiger counter started a vigorous ticking.
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| 161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there! It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns. Man! What a find!
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| 160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
Nothing makes for a better sleeping partner at night when danger is afoot. Unfortunately, none of them knew how to use the cash register! Hmmm. Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway.
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| 159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
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| 158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm. "Stand back!" But Boppy exclaimed, "I can't kill it if I've named it!" No one could argue with that.
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| 157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums."
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| 156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
But I told her "Sure, you can drive my car to Walmart." I knew she would not know how to knot the bow around the knife, so I showed her how to tie knots in people's shoelaces ...joined...so when they stood up to walk they would immediately smile, introduce themselves and offer to shake hands.
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| 155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
At this rate, we will have paid off our mortgage in 22 years instead of 30. Ain't that something!
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| 154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
Appetizers get people in the mood of a party! Other good ideas include Burger King, Wendy's, and Hardee's, if you get tired of having pizza all the time. Not me! I always like to sit down in a peaceful place to eat my pizza. But it is okay to have some background music like the theme music from the movie, "
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| 153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
We are sick and tired of it. I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry! Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated.
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| 152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
Each group had to write an essay explaining the best way for the REST of the groups to be enthusiastic. This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm."
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| 151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
!!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots! Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave!
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| 150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat." "What is that horrible stench?!"
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| 149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
That's the second stump vine to die this season. I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental!
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| 148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
Now, the only solution would be to tie-dye everything ! So I went shopping and bought 5 boxes of dye. The 5 colors I picked were black, navy blue, charcoal gray, gray, and maroon. There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again! Everything is washed, dried, and hung on hangers!Woohoo !
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| 147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
These are handy to have around & have many uses. The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen. One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero. You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash! Get cartons of them at Costco and store them in shoeboxes which were then shoved under the bed, next to the pile of slush the dog fell into!
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| 145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket. After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest. her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket! And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!!
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| 144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service.
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| 143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!"
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| 142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
If only I had gone to a reputable mafioso, I would have been able to get a successful hit ordered for the guy who makes all the deliveries. They're so busy this time of year, one guy has to drive two trucks! but I had another secret credit card I could use.
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| 141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
Drivers yelling, managers yelling, the crowd yelling, everywhere there was space to put a composter! Decisions, decisions. Where would be the perfect place to put this bowl of fresh tomatoes grown with my wonderful compost?
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| 140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
Aaahhh! and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds.
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| 139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
he yelled over the noise of the plane's engines. "Now get ready for the fall!" He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice.
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| 138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion. It was amazing to watch. Mesmerized by the sight, we found a place to sit down quietly and stared intently at the small entrance.
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| 137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood. When I looked into the tub a few minutes later, much to my amazement I saw the tomato vine growing taller & taller right before my eyes!
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| 136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada.
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| 135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it.
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| 134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
And make sure you tell him to bring exact change. When you're buying tickets for entertainment purposes, it's best if you just ignore this storyline because it does not have one. Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman!
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| 133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
Because you didn't eat your Wheaties or drink your whole milk. No wonder you feel weak and you don't want to see me when I'm angry. A better course of action would be to slap him in the face! Then yell, "Don't you dare ever do anything for you ever again! I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place.
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| 132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
Afterwards, I took some oil and rubbed it on my arms to keep away the mosquitoes. It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt! I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me!
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| 131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!!
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| 129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water. My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
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| 128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
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| 127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays! Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie!
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| 126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
"Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes! We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!" We are expecting at least 10,000 pounds of bacon being consumed at the synagogue open house.
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| 125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Put some thought into all the good deeds you would like to do in the coming year.For instance if your neighbor needed his garbage taken to the dump, You could take it to the printer's and have it bound.
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| 124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Chop! Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses. Or was it maple syrup? Regardless, I put it on the plate with the other desserts next to the Christmas tree.
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| 123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
Skeptically, I lifted up tile after tile from the floor and underneath I saw a great deal of cat hair, all matted together into a gluey fabric reminiscent of the feeling you get while watching episodes of "This Old House."
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| 122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
A new day! Full of possibilities for winning the county's "Best Decorated Yard". We had to get to work! I asked Bonnie to go buy lots of candles. Nothing brightens up a wintertime room like candlelight!
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| 121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
Down on my hands and knees searching for them I found instead two strange-looking rocks. I could tell they weren't from here, they looked like they were from another planet!! I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could!
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| 120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
What lies beyond our Milky Way, in that massive universe? With the advent of SDW (Space and Dimensional Warp) travel, it was now possible to find out. I was the admiral of the first fleet to set off into the universe's darkest corners, and as the one in charge, I needed to handpick my coworkers.
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| 119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels. Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom.
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| 118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
They were next to the Cheetos, Slim Jims, Twizzlers, and a box of Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there.
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| 117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
Kill it, kill it, KILL IT!!!!!" I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly! There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur.
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| 116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
I slowed my walking and waited to see whether it would fall from its own weight. Seconds ticked by, a minute...two minutes.
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| 115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
The heat that radiated from their cavernous maws surged over us like a hurricane of pain. We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure.
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| 114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
you can afford it! Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks.
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| 113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it in the pot ten days old. Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
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| 112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV.
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| 110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
First you have to locate your luggage. You know it is in the attic, but when you look for it, instead you find luggage with broken wheels. A better strategy is just to start fresh! Get organized! Go for gold! With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium.
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| 109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!"
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| 108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
I was at my wit's end! I figured I would clean it up with the blood of my enemies! And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo.
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| 107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best. Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion!
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| 106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage. ice cream.... We are running out of time! We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage.
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| 105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
I am calling the cops! If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way."
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| 103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
The reason must be that I ate too much brains! I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way. So I added a whole line of new models of subcompacts. They're inexpensive, have great fuel economy, and just as importantly you must have lots of sunflowers.
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| 102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist.
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| 101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
This story is about a brown hat. Not just any brown hat, mind you, but specifically it was really a purple hat that was needed.
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| 100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil.
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| 99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
Then the doctor stood back in amazement, and with great feeling he said, " Your insurance will not cover this! Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly.
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| 98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
Abiathar needs Artorios's help. So Abiathar asked him to pass the potatoes. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing!
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| 97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
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| 96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
But they were eating all the leaves off my periwinkles. This calls for action!
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| 95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town" over and over again until I could not stand it any longer, so I stood up and moved the cabinet of electronics components closer to the desk, so they'd be easy reach when they climbed down from the high cat tower.
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| 94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter.
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| 93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
Instead, we gave him two strawberry Twinkies which worked remarkably well, considering that he was dangerously close to defaulting on his car loan. He hadn't made a payment in almost three months, and he was sure he would need at least a hundred stitches!
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| 92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion.
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| 91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me! The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
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| 90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr.
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| 89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
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| 88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
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| 87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied!
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| 86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
I sure didn't want to end up there! The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
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| 85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
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| 84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers. I tried to hit the button to open the drawer, but it really didn't matter if a few pickles fell on the floor.
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| 83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts! If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine.
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| 82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test. Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game. Because clothes make the man. That's why I wear dorky clothes and spike my hair with glittery gel.
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| 81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
One never knows what will happen if you transpose the warp stream with the antimatter containment field, you will surely lose your breakfast in a hurry, unless you made sure first that you fasten your helmet securely, fasten your oxygen hose, and secure you must be, and I the all-wise one, tell you I will, that you really had better know what you're doing by now!
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| 80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
Does anyone clean the keys? NO! And if someone did, he would probably use DOS! Or Windows 3.1!! Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
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| 79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
Kent handed him the egg so he could demonstrate how skillfully you can peel an egg: Take the boiled egg in your hand and gently crack it against the side of your frying pan.
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| 78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
'Cause we're going to need it for all the poop that is on its way. What were you thinking to feed the twins stewed prunes?? You know eating prunes will always cause them to cooperate because they want to buy combat boots in order to have enough traction to navigate the poop-slimed floor.
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| 77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
Boy, do I hate it! Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs!
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| 76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight.
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| 75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
It's a terrible thing to lose your train of thought in such an intense environment! You have to be able to think on your feet!
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| 74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
It's a mirage! It's actually a water-saving toilet, and it cost much more than I could afford. In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar. The foil pinwheel toy cost a dollar. In fact, *everything* we bought cost a dollar!
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| 73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
Now that's what I call slim! Next thing you know, you'll be able to actually see your toes instead of your belly and put your wedding ring on without using petroleum jelly!
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| 72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy!
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| 71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
That's why you have to stir it it up, and the explosion was so BIG that I had to dive under a cloud was his nemesis, in a sneaky holding pattern. As soon as he saw him, he recognized him from his old high school days! Imagine seeing him again, here, after all these years! It sure is a small fire button!
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| 70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
Well, after hearing that, I was ready to sharpen all my pencils, and I discovered I need to go buy a new pocketsize spiral notebook and a black power cable. It would clash with the light-colored decor in his server room, but he didn't care--he was a dork.
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| 69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown." Well, I didn't see what the big deal was. After all, I was healthy as a horse!
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| 68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof.
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| 67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!"
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| 66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
THAT will teach them to use acetone to clean the hardwood floors. Now take this toothbrush and clean the encrusted roach poop from around the doorways.
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| 65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard! He seems to be trying to find candidates for his galactic space marine training academy. "I'm only 18!" I argued. he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door.
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| 64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste!
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| 63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
'Cause honey, I ain't in it for the cocoa, I'm in it for the marshmallows!
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| 62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
Using proper table ettiquette, of course. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief and proceeded to dig in. Using proper table ettiquette, of course. And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!"
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| 61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
I looked around before answering, noticing some men standing outside the window.
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| 60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
Somebody else came along and mopped up the spilled latte, and then put up a sign that said, " Coffee leads to throat cancer", but another sign said "Coffee can cure ennui!"
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| 59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
Ha! Ha! Ha!" He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum! Ha! Ha! Ha!" I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
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| 58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust.
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| 57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind. A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU!
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| 56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
T. 's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, " All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time?
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| 55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
Racing to the garages, we poured out bag after bag of cat litter in order to absorb the neutrons from the nuclear fission reaction. It was going to go critical! We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks! We were successful with ten seconds to spare and then some bozo struck a match...............
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| 54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
How embarrassing! Now all I could do was sit on the cold hard concrete floor and wait for someone to bail me out of jail. I hadn't applied my sunscreen evenly! How embarrassing! Now all I could do was sit on the cold hard concrete floor and wait for someone to bail me out of jail.
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| 53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately. That would not be too hard, since I'd already decided what to get for everyone.
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| 52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
How mod! I wonder who thought up that idea.
It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse. Now fix your wardrobe immediately!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress?
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| 51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
"What do you recommend?" He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before stomping on the gas pedal and screaming out of the parking lot like a bat out of H-E-double hockey sticks.
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| 50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
We called the photographer over to get his opinion of the background, and then we set up the .50-caliber machine guns to defend our site from looters.
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| 49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!" And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's...
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| 48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. That will add good protein without making you feel overfull. Eat quickly, and that saltine cracker will be gone before you know it. Now you may eat one Goldfish cracker.
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| 47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand.
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| 46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
Each fully dressed fighter was armed with daggers, leather lashers, and 4 or 5 weapons...per hand!
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| 45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever. So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun?
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| 44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
They were getting tired of all that harrassment. Yeah, and how about that possum! Always eating all their expensive IAMS and bowls of sugar! SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest.
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| 43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil.
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| 42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
The queasiness. The dizziness. Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse. "MO---om! Mom! Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold.
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| 41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
I cannot take this any longer! So I grabbed the can of gasoline, pulled out a book of matches, and debated whether to vote for George Bush or John Kerry.
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| 40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!" Luckily no one was eating at the time. The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed. "We can't go this way because the Hulk has smashed it to smithereens.
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| 39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
In it was an invitation to join the PTA. At first, I'd thought I'd died and gone to heaven. The Plutonium Transporters of America! They were famous for gigantic fund-raising fairs. In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job.
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| 38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
I know it will be a blue ribbon winner. Look at that flaky crust!
Look at those plump chunks of meat on that carcass. This is the best BBQ I've been to!" He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl.
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| 37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
Stop the presses!!" The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!! What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape.
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| 36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers. Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
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| 35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one. When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea! plate of tamales, burritos, and enchiladas!
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| 34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you. The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it.
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| 33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar.
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| 32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder. "The next one will."
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| 31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
Fortunately, we didn't have to worry about that because we had eaten so much pizza for lunch. This was strange pizza though; it had slices of boiled egg on it.
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| 30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect. But I assure you I didn't do it. Please note how cooperative I'm being.
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| 29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
But we succeeded when we gave him a big dose of what for! we chortled. "Next time you'll know better! Now y'all get on up-par and feed the horses." Dad only made us work half-days. It didn't matter to him which twelve hours it was. Next we had to kill the hogs to make bacon and sausage.
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| 28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
She shook her head, and replied "I imagine these dinosaurs are at least 100 years old. You can tell because the skin is so scaly and rough. Look how long the toenails are! Why they must be as long as a 50-foot garden hose!
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| 27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
Streaming out of every crevice. They were everywhere!! So I grabbed a hand hoe and started hacking at it. No interlopers in this garden! You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like.
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| 26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
But he could not hear her! Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on.
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| 25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
"But if you think I'm going to tell you, you are crazier than a bedbug. You need to figure out the answer yourself; so go to the library, and look for a book about Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War.
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| 24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
"How dare you expose yourself like that in front of her!" I screamed. "Why, I oughta punch your red diaper doper baby lights out! You flamin' liberal French sissy. Go back into your cave and drink your cafe au lait. Next time I see you I will give you $20, but only if you can seat us in a better part of the restaurant.
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| 23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
They had no time to lose. There was a sale on homemade play dough. It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan".
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| 22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
We called them poots. And that was always a funny subject. The third fact is farts are stinky. Sometimes they can be REALLY stinky!
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| 21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
What would you want on yours?" "A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!" I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods. In the middle of the night, I can get it out and use it to help me steal hot dogs from the mess hall.
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| 20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
The kitchen staff were in for some major shipments of hamburgers. Three huge tractor trailers pulled up, filling most of the parking lot, and the workers started unloading the giant packages of hamburger buns.
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| 19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
So look me in the eye and tell me where the bathroom is? Cuz I really, really, REALLY gotta go." she said, laughing.
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| 18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat. 300 mice died to provide you with that stylishly avant-garde attire, and don't let them forget it. Every time they see you they'll turn around and moon you, and I mean every time!
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| 17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
And to do that we need some sunscreen lotion, beach towels, and volleyballs, and of course food. Don't forget the food." So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up.
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| 16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him.
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| 14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
But it didn't matter. Everyone brought their posters for the big Super Readout Day. And they set up a display on the lawn outside the library. But the weather report was not so good, so when they looked up into the sky they saw not only the police helicopters arriving in the distance as reinforcements, but also the vultures had already started circling.
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| 13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air. Bonnie immediately began stuffing more explosives into the fireplace and said "I feel less stressed already!
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| 12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
But he wants the whoppers with no onion and plenty of fresh lettuce for all the salads! That was the part I hated the most. Chopping lettuce. I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns.
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| 11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
It will harden their pork brains until they're nice and crunchy. Then you dip them in chocolate, and roll them in crushed walnuts. When they are all finished, you place them carefully on a doily and garnish them with breath-freshening parsley.
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| 10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
Being a ninja is more than just getting super pissed, flipping out, and killing people. Real ultimate power is attained by unrelenting karate chops to the back of the neck and across the river, with a single leap of his well-muscled legs. He found himself in the middle of a big pile of threadbare blue mats.
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| 8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet.
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| 7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
but its gravitational whirlpool had the power to leap tall builings in a single bound. Because of the low gravity, the buildings were very tall, so tall, in fact, that they were able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. In fact...
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| 5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
Now I must needs go don my chain mail so patiently chained for me by Lady Man. Lady Man was known through the olde towne as a ravishing womanizer, and had gotten in trouble with one too many gladiators who had come from Rome to the countryside of England to train.
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| 4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
A parking lot here, a parking lot there, and pretty soon you've got some real evidence there! Let me get a closer look. Let me get a closer look too, said Barrister. But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent.
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| 3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
Invigored with his courage, again he shouted, " and pounded his shoe on the table for effect.
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| 2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket. So when she walked into the coffee shop, she immediately put down her heavy backpack. Rubbing her sore shoulder, she asked the nearest patron "What does a girl have to do to get some service around here?!"
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| 1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
The sky turned white with all the exhaust plumes from the nuclear-armed missiles, and soon they found the hidden treasure! Now they would all be rich! They could buy whatever they wanted!
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