Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel. Whee! Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
They will taste delicious, so go get the tomatoes, lettuce, onion, pickles, and jar of eyeballs. Who keeps a jar of real eyeballs? It's like a cry for help, or something. All this stuff had to be bagged and filed as evidence. We had a big job ahead of us: figuring out how to get in a vehicle fast enough to outrun the sun as it moved from east to west.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
However, I hate people telling me what to do, ...like I have to use fully-jacketed rounds at the indoor shooting range, because they're concerned about LeAd PoIsOnInG...
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Finally! My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it. Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The maestro glared and sighed. Everyone was staring because they had never seen anyone throwing beans in the river before.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Sitting there on the two-holed set was very relaxing and in the distance we could hear the rumbling of thousands of troll feet as they stampede toward us. It would have been a terrifying sound at any time, but hearing at 3am was the worst.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Meat pies steamed behind the counter of coffee shops. Yes, it was a day just like any other. But little did the inhabitants know, today would be the last normal day in a long time. Well, no matter what else is going on, everybody knows the most important thing to have is drinking water.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
they then proceeded to let loose a tremendous battle cry, striking fear into the hearts of their enemies. Their fury was legendary, their strength and unity were more than we could contend with. Once, they were humble, housecleaning appliances.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Almost like I was back at wrestling training camp in Louisville, Kentucky. I was barely a stick of a kid back then but I had big dreams.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
In the attic? In the garage? Ah, man.. I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store. They had every kind you could think of, but I was really drawn to the sparkly tissue wrapping paper!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Oh yeah, also while we are here, I would like to have a picnic! Yeah! I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer! You can bring a few bottles! Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
The only solution we could think of was to cut the rope to the anchor so we could drift away from the whirlpool...hopefully.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store! I felt soooo proud! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to! In the last hour they emptied the cash registers into special bank bags and took them all to task on proper upsale technique.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I got concerned so I called animal control services. When they arrived, they quickly put the fire out that was creeping toward the stump grass.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
So be very, very careful never to leave a trail of crumbs to your bedside! Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners. A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums." That sounded good, but I had to wonder if there would be enough butter pecan ice cream to go around.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
"How strange," I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!! I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Then there is the delicious fruit pizza! Sugar cookie crust with strawberries, kiwi fruit, pineapple all arranged in a pattern of pleasing proportions. The cheese should go on first, though. If you put the cheese on last, the vegetables will get sour and moldy if you leave them out of the frig too long.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated. The best thing to do is take a minute to evaluate the situation, then decide which size pizza to order, the giant 18-inch, or should we order the small instead of the large?
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Xander's new home and everyone in the dorm gathered there to eat fresh bread and butter. Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave! Xander's new home and everyone in the dorm gathered there to eat fresh bread and butter.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat. As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, " Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use. For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
What a day we had!! But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief. It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco !
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew. Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while. Soon, you will feel focused and relaxed and ready to go out the front door to my new life!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Stop looking at my bum and get on with your work!" "Do you think I am a GARDENER??? Because if so, you are correct!" He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer. I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now ! He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
This is what's known as fall protection gear. Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
And look at the price tag! It cost over $ 500. Worth every penny! Not only was it useful for safely snagging escaped animals, you could also use it for compost. And when Spring comes, gently layer it around the exposed dirt.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Spray it with a mixture of epsom salts, garlic juice, and a little bit of crushed eggshells.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure. The only thing that could settle my nerves now would be if I could take some time to remove all the apps I don't like.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
When you're buying tickets for entertainment purposes, it's best if you just ignore this storyline because it does not have one. Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money. First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch. It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I need to make special cupcakes for a coworker's birthday. So, I decided to use paper liners this time, because the last time I didn't, and add any baking powder, so when I took them out of the oven, they looked like they would be delicious!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really? The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on. I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really? It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats! But he was a big fan of just taking a nap! But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
That job took you to the back room to show you where to sit and how long it will take for the next assignment.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
It's good for you! It's Regular Ordinary Swedish meal time flies when you're having fun! Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
"OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
From there they will be handed out to homeless people. What will they do with them? Obviously, they will put them in the refrigerator asap. Chop! Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
sign because the fuzzy dize were blocking my view, and unfortunately the odor was overpowering. We had to turn on the exhaust fan and spray around the room a big new can of WD-40.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
But they're just acting. They're just lying there waiting to be strung from shrub to shrub. Let's get going! First I will check them by plugging them into the nearest electrical outlet. It's a trick to get the lights lined up just right, but when you do, the results are two thumbs with far too many blisters, and a back with far too acute an angle.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
It drew me in...into a world that I could hardly imagine! Finally I had to say Good night to my Chat buddies, and in unison they all said to me, " We're doing an intervention."
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
That's why when there's a new game coming out that I want, I always get scared if I'm approaching a shadowy corner. I'm very cautious in that case because I really don't want for a dinosaur to eat me.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang " Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine."
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !! I had come too far and seen too much to stop now!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
A nice, hot cup of tea, flavored with garlic. I thought, "That doesn't sound good for breakfast." For breakfast I would rather have one bar of dark chocolate than ten bars of "The Star-Spangled Banner".
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Call the plumber! This is a job for a professional! Do not try to eat beans that have not been cooked long enough.. They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed. The remedy for that is to be totally relaxed, have warm socks on your feet, and be ready to tackle the quarterback!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it in the pot ten days old. Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
she whined as she tugged her jacket tigher around herself. This crazy weather had been going on for thousands of years. No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Nobody wants strangers pawing through his underwear drawer. Someone had gone and used White-Out over the price tags so everything that was $19.99 or $29.99 became $9.99.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
:( The sound of fall is wind blowing rustling leaves. The soft summer breeze has become crispy. I know when I hear that sound, it means someone's at the door.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Now how did those get in here? Well, they were in the way so I moved them next to my collection of Bunsen burners, candles, and fireworks. Next I got out the shop vac to try to scoop up that big puddle of spit on the desk where I apparently had passed out from exhaustion.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best. Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
To begin with you need a plan and some money for new shelves. Not just any shelves, but the kind that are made of old rotten athletic shoes. I had dozens of them, piled everywhere! They smelled like rotting potatoes. It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
It was a quiet, bright morning in Uptown Suburbia, USA. I went outside to water my plants, when suddenly I heard the deep guttural voice of a zombie!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
But that's OK! As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate. Utterly freaked out, he slammed on the brakes just in time to avoid hitting the big brown and white brownie sundae with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
That was something else. It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac. He was starting to get psycho just thinking about it! To calm him down, we tried to make the boys go to bed early, but alas they had eaten too many bags of ice for their swollen eyes.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients. i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
That ploy would never work, because a hero gets tired of going to the hospital over and over! Abiathar needs Artorios's help. So Abiathar asked him to pass the potatoes. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I could use it to make dessert with. I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So get out the special shears and with great vigor attack the dogs which had taken to pooping on the lawn. One bladder-full of liquid waste would wreak havoc with my expensive Mantis tiller, which is however so lightweight, that I can carry it with one hand, while I walk around the block six or seven times.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town" over and over again until I could not stand it any longer, so I stood up and moved the cabinet of electronics components closer to the desk, so they'd be easy reach when they climbed down from the high cat tower.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Too bad I didn't know that I was in the company of a red diaper doper baby who believed in God, who was the only one who could save him now! He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph. Well you'll never know unless you try!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He hadn't made a payment in almost three months, and he was sure he would need at least a hundred stitches! He hoped the surgeon was handy with the needle, so when he was finished everything would look like something out of horror movie.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny. That's why I gave him a raise."
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood. If you mispronounce something you could really offend somebody by saying something you didn't intend.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Where are they coming from?? They must be coming from Mars! We're being invaded on Christmas!" He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off. He kept plugging in lights but instead of coming on, they would just explode like a long string a chinese firecrackers.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It looks brand new! It's so sparkly, it must be alive! I wondered what would happen if I touched it, so I did. And guess what happened?!! = It exploded with the force of a 1,000 thermonuclear bombs, carving a massive crater out of the side of the moon and creating a ring around the earth, which persisted forever and ever.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
he exclaimed. He cracked his knuckles and proceded to sing their little hearts out.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Already, I could hear the sound of heavy traffic. This made me feel very much like an Ugly American.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He had already asked me for a refund. "Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
I knew she was from Guinea, especially when she proceeded to order a Whopper...oops, this is McDonald's!!! Just a small faux pas, she thought. Well, think again!! The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill! NOW!!!" But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, "
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
It's a little late to change course! The asteroid is too big. In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs. Let me demonstrate, Kent."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs! That's the only explanation for why we were stupid enough to move into this neighborhood. We much have been too noisy ourselves because the neighbors called up and said, "
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That way we can glide more easily into the gulch, where we will be protected from the oncoming onslaught of tornadoes.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
You have to be able to think on your feet! Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Here, take this tape measure and see what your KNEES look like! Now that's what I call slim! Next thing you know, you'll be able to actually see your toes instead of your belly and put your wedding ring on without using petroleum jelly!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
When I opened the can of worms it really did turn out to be a can of rattlesnake eggs. You know the old joke. It rattles. There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
OH NO! We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
I asked. "I'm only doing that today," he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM! she said, "I just can't relax unless I know that you have other clothes to wear besides one bearing logos and movie quips from Star Wars, Star Trek, Tron and Hackers, I'll never go out with you!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man! I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!! If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding! I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back. Muhahaha! They'll never figure it out! They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
my mouth tasted like wallpaper paste. I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again! Come on, we're almost finished!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
"Wait! Don't hang up! I want to be sure I got it. Just hold on a second while I answer my cell phone........oh, and now there goes my beeper!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul. Because quitters never win, and winners never quit. And I'm a winner! I'm also a plumber and I really like going under people's houses. You can find some strange things, like one time I found a fly in my soup so I killed the whole town.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference. (Crowd goes "Ooooh!) Also, I prefer to use a plastic spatula, as opposed to eating what you fix right in front of the audience.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She smiled and said "Don't use that cream for your coffee, because I think it is time to switch to decaf!" She then quit, and got a job at the Farmer's Market selling vegetables. She was amazed, and relieved to know that her laxative would start working any minute now. She smiled and said "Don't use that cream for your coffee, because I think it is time to switch to decaf!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement. and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust. "I can't believe you just wet your pants! Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Whew! Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident! That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time? It taught geography, history, economics, as well as Bazooka Bubble Gum and Reese's Pieces.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It is a liberating feeling: not having to carry a wallet. Remember how heavy those wallets and purses used to get? Sometimes they seemed to weigh as much as bowling balls! Even though he was a very strong man, he wasn't strong enough to defeat Herr Kapitan in hand-to-hand combat.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It was just too hot. So I always made sure to provide plenty of suntan lotion when we go to the beach every Saturday.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately. That would not be too hard, since I'd already decided what to get for everyone. So I got out my list and crossed everything off. "Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!" I laughed maniacally as I headed for Costco and their 750-count, 10 pound bag.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel?
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?"
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I need one so bad that I can't wait any longer for someone to help me! I'm going to climb up to the top shelf and get one myself! With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet. But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are. Then you'll look normal! Or in the children's section!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Ultimate Ninja II would want everyone to remain respectfully quiet. Each fully dressed fighter was armed with daggers, leather lashers, and 4 or 5 weapons...per hand!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote! We should have plenty of coffee and doughnuts to show our appreciation for all the free handguns being handed out at the NRA rally!"
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Before most of us even had a chance to warm up and get going, one of the scouts was back with fantastic news.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
This caused him to emit a strange growl-like sound from the base of his throat. Disturbed, I asked him, " What blood type are you? You know I think I can analyze your problem.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house. We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
We pressed our backs against the wall, trying to hide in the shadow of the titanic Doom-Bot, which Dr.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
Next on the agenda was the Annual Potholder Fair, held every year, where the parents had a potholder-making contest, the winner being presented a trio of woven friendship bracelets.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I know it will be a blue ribbon winner. Look at that flaky crust! Look at those plump chunks of meat on that carcass.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Stop the presses!!" The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!! What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Mix it up real good, and boom! You have home-made napalm. I love the smell of cedar. You can just sit in the shade of the trees and enjoy the breeze and listen to the crunching of the tacos, the sloshing of the margaritas, and the sizzling of the fajitas.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Ready to dance? First lift your right leg and touch your toes on the edge of the piano. We were lucky enough to have live piano music to dance to. Which makes sense, actually, because the piano player had sprained his ankle and couldn't show up.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
It wasn't easy I can tell you. I pursed my lips and grimaced and I then proceeded to back up. I just knew if I could get a running start I could make that jump. Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
And then I saw it: THE most tacky lamp I have ever seen! Of course I had to buy it! It would be the perfect gift for my pet gila monster, Scalie.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater. We will swim to that shark cage, get in, lock the gate, and wait anxiously for nightfall. I'm exhausted!"
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
someone yelled, "have you seen those platinum handcuffs that were in the display case?!! They're missing!
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Don't worry, it builds the immune system. Although they change with the seasons, there are always chores to do inside and out. day. First I started washing the windows. That took a while.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
It was getting scarier by the minute, so we decided to resign ourselves to our fate. Surrounded, it was only a matter of time before we got turned into dino-hors d'ouevres. We sat down and caught our breath. "We need to find some water," I said. "It's so humid and hot here.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
If you see one of these, pull it up! It's a weed. So stomp on it!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Now she was getting mad because he wasn't answering her. He knew she was mad because she turned into a werewolf! Shreds of clothing flew away, revealing dark brown fur beneath. She scrambled out of the car as soon as she regained consciousness enough to realize she was IN A CAR!
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Muscles rippled under the skin with even the slightest movement. she said with a resounding contralto. "We have a very serious problem the trucking company just delivered 500 pounds of pork chops to the Jewish banquet hall.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
How can they taste all the gourmet food when there's body odor attempting to hide under copious perfume everywhere you turn?
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
"Oh well," I said, "Who wants those old toys made in China anyway? I think Ethan and I can make better toys on our own. Hey, maybe we could have our own TOY factory! We could invent new ones! And we could sell some of them to the President of the Unites States!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
"You have sissy farts! You are a sissy! You are a sissy!"
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Sometimes I did anyway, and I paid sorely for it. Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Nervously, I looked up at him to see the whole congregation of Lighthouse Worship Center walk through the door right behind him.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Grates in the walls below admitted narrow beams of sunlight. I could see that there were old professors lying around everywhere. Some were nibbling jelly doughnuts and drinking coffee; some perusing the Wall Street Journal, and some were just livid that tuition had gone up again.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!" And if you let him sweep, then he'll want to shake the rugs outside.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
And to do that we need some sunscreen lotion, beach towels, and volleyballs, and of course food. Don't forget the food." So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up. What a relief!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Hey maybe this will work out after all! So he took one stick, and he cut it into one inch pieces and used them to start a fire.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Stay still and don't move a muscle. The sniper has a laser scope focused right on your forehead."
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
If you're interested in relieving the stress level in your day-to-day life, the first thing to notice is your environment.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
I"m the new cook at Burger King! I get to get up way early and open. I get to spread big slabs of lard on the grill, before I start frying the sausage. All the customers just love the big hot greasy patties served with generous chunks of meat. What kind of meat? No one knew! It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil!
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
More people should be aware of the benefits of tending a garden and growing your own begetables. Grandma loved the taste of her fresh eggs and milk too. And no one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked golden brown teenage girls.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Oh No! Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
However as soon as their buys went through, the Commissioner announced, " Batman. Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was. Unfortunately, they were disappointed to find no atmosphere!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other. "So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Moments later the city came under attack by the whole host of jurors. Pandemonium ensued in the courtroom! The judge escaped deep scratches by hiding under his desk. Miss Na Tasha was into heavy spitting, and Barrister had to resort to using a bowl of Grape-Nuts for a litterbox. Next, he pled for mercy before the court.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
On some he saw expectation, on others he saw apprehension. But on one particular face he saw himself! The similarity was remarkable! The eyes, the nose, even the way he parted his hair. He waved at him, and yelled, "Where did you graduate from?
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house. As soon as it did, however, all the walls were teeming with cockroaches, crawling over each other, a sea of movement, all headed helter-skelter for the comic book shop, because the lateezt issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK was out!!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Being only 10 battles away from finishing another campaign, he was anxious to see which orb he would get next. So immediately he began to jump up and down and sing "Yankee Doodle." Everyone was so inspired by his shameless act of pariotism, they stood up and applauded with great gusto, knowing full well that as soon as they sat back down, they would know that this was the end of the world as they knew it.