| Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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|---|
| 174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes!
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| 173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
But that's fine; ain't no thing but a chicken wing. So we can just go ahead and fry the hamburgers right over this nice fire. They will taste delicious, so go get the tomatoes, lettuce, onion, pickles, and jar of eyeballs. Who keeps a jar of real eyeballs?
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| 172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
I chose to feel enraged and offended. I pulled out one of my several protest signs and started swinging it like a battle axe. The nearest bystander had to duck, to avoid being hit by a flying chocolate cream pie which had been lovingly prepared by Gordon Ramsay, who proceeded to blow his top and go on a profanity-filled tirade when he saw one of the customers use a dessert spoon when he was supposed to use a soup spoon.
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| 171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
Finally! My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner??
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| 170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
It would take at least 16 hours to lambaste the turkey.... I mean brine roast the turkey...too LONG !!
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| 169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
Surely, the fish would either stop swelling or explode! It was a fearsome moment indeed! Everyone held their breath in terror. Suddenly, the entire stage collapsed, exploded, and burst into flames, killing everyone instantly! Appearing in the midst of the carnage was Metallica, inside the mouth of a giant robot dinosaur.
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| 168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
3am is OK, but most people are asleep. Proper trolling has as many spectators as possible, to maximimize the trollification.
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| 167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
Plus a thick milkshake made with real ice cream and in addition a dollup of fairy dust. Yeah, like actual dust from a fairy, we couldn't believe it. A little dude with wings showed up with a handful of sparkly crap. Anyway, it backfired horribly: we were just covered in kiwi fruit puree and crushed red cherries and pineapple.
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| 166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
She asked, "How do we know this robo-vacuum will do any better a job than the last one?"
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| 165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
My scalp was tingling! And the popping in my ears was like I had never felt before ! Almost like I was back at wrestling training camp in Louisville, Kentucky.
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| 164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
If you don't have your ribbons neatly wrapped on spools, at least don't rest anything heavy on them to crush them. In advance of your gift-wrapping day, make a list of who gave what so I could send them a thank you note. With each note I could include a handmade gift tag to indicate who it's from-and-to, but instead I'd really rather use this stick of dynamite!
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| 163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery.
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| 162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
The only solution we could think of was to cut the rope to the anchor so we could drift away from the whirlpool...hopefully. We rowed with all our might and soon we reached the boundary between the dimensions. It looked like a wall of glimmering water. We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite.
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| 161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store! I felt soooo proud! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store!
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| 160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
If I chose Valero.... I could take care of all the litter in the median! And I could become friends with all the nice men in the cute orange jumpsuits who were already out there in the wild blue yonder. Anyway I also thought Bill Miller's Barbecue might be a good place to work.
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| 159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
There's nothing more enjoyable than seeing all the full, healthy, verdant growth of summer. Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby. Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then!
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| 158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical.
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| 157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
With their youthful energy and can-do attitude, nothing could stop the students from rioting about the demolition of the omelet bar. NO !! What to do??
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| 156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
I yelled. "What are we supposed to sprinkle on our tacos, for crying out loud?! HOW ABOUT A NICE SPRINKLING OF HOT HOT HOT SRIRACHA SAUCE !!!"
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| 155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
You might even run into a zamboni! And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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| 154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
Mmm! In fact, use the big jar! Some people also like to add anchovies...ewww. Then there is the delicious fruit pizza! Sugar cookie crust with strawberries, kiwi fruit, pineapple all arranged in a pattern of pleasing proportions.
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| 153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
We are sick and tired of it. I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry!
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| 152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
So everyone worked together to assemble them. Using ribbon and shrink wrap, I wrapped up all the junk I had found into neat little parcels and then advertised them on Ebay as "Mystery Gifts".
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| 151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
We all got to see Xander's room for the very first time! It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface?
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| 150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
Why, it is as big as a polar bear! Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat."
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| 149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
"It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment.
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| 148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
Why is it that laundry never seems to end?!?! It's almost like flushing a commode on a windy day! Hey! Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth.
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| 147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
Anytime you're walking on ice, you should be careful to look both ways before you sled down the Speights' driveway.
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| 145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest. her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket!
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| 144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew.
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| 143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list. Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10! I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans.
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| 142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Sweating, I said "Give me that package!" But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
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| 141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
Decisions, decisions. Where would be the perfect place to put this bowl of fresh tomatoes grown with my wonderful compost? I think I will put it on the level ground.
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| 140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
Apparently someone doesn't know how to use a manual transmission. It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now ! He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl. Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses!
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| 139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
I had gotten as ready as I could for this fall, and now the only thing left was to sit back in my easy chair and enjoy a cool sparkling glass of Mountain Dew !
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| 138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
Oh no! So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion. It was amazing to watch. Mesmerized by the sight, we found a place to sit down quietly and stared intently at the small entrance.
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| 137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight.
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| 136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion.
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| 135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
Another important thing to think about is how are you going to protect your phone from accidental impacts? For that, you probably want to consider buying a 15,000 amp generator.
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| 134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em!
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| 133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette. As a finishing touch, he sprinkled on some red pepper flakes, chopped up jalapeno peppers, and just a splash of vodka.
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| 132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
Afterwards, I took some oil and rubbed it on my arms to keep away the mosquitoes. It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt!
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| 131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
Decorating is the part that's the most fun. Be creative! You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
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| 129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped. The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on.
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| 128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
If there's one thing I know, it's that you never want to lace-up shoes to the airport, because they are too hard to get on and off, especially if they are laced with arsenic! But that's OK, because I'd spent the last 10 years slowly building up resistance to arsenic. Confident I'd be OK, I took a big bite and froze.
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| 127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
He then carried the stack of folders over to the table and spread out the construction paper, blunt scissors, glitter, and glue. Then with them the children proceeded to make cookies to sell to raise enough money for Bonnie's bail bond.
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| 126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait.
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| 125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "Haha! W.C. Fields said that!" I exclaimed. "OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want?
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| 124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Presents to sort! The wrapping paper I bought on Dec. 26....where was it??I found all of it in the back of the car.
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| 123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol.
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| 122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
I called 911 and guess who answered! = Some guy in an elf costume! "HaHa! That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet!
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| 121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
It drew me in...into a world that I could hardly imagine!
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| 120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!" Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance. Soon afterwards, the mead hall exploded, fat orange cheese wheels spilling through the shattered wooden walls by the score. "CHEESE! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!" Sheogorath bellowed, solving the mystery of his dazzling appearance.
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| 119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit. And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts. WRONG! You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film.
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| 118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game! Why if I had not been concentrating, my handsome hero would surely have fallen into debt. Video games are expensive, especially if you buy them when they first come out, or even pre-order them.
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| 117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
They didn't realize that my excellent sense of hearing allowed me to pick up even the slightest nuance of sound, and my vivid imagination I never would have guessed she would DIE from it! I was so in shock from her death, I didn't see what happened to the usher who took us to our seats.
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| 116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
It looked like a convoy of Army vehicles. Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter. Hey! That's my peanut butter!! Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face!
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| 115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained.
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| 114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight.
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| 113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document. It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard."
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| 112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
We could see it coming it the far distance! It looked like a gigantic tortoise, heaving up out of the earth. Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth.
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| 110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
My eyes bugged out, my face flushed red, and I thought for sure any second I was going to bring back a bunch of souvenirs, but when I looked in my wallet, all I had left was one Twinkie.
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| 109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds! But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep! I wonder who brought them? Could it have been that I had made them myself and forgotten?
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| 108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
So beautiful. prrrecciouusss... Those hobbitses are always stealing from us. Those nasty little roaches were everywhere! Someone must have left food in here!
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| 107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace.
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| 106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
You never know what you might find under all those boxes." In fact, down on the floor in the far corner, I found a reason to live again!
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| 105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
There was a lot, but I managed to get it all stuffed in. With that out of the way, I decided to take a break and get some tinsel to throw on the tree. I could only find silver of course. I took the strands out of the bag and placed them one by one on the shooting gallery.
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| 103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
who had just walked in with a tray of hot biscuits. she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face! I know! I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies!
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| 102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
The best teachers for this activity are female ! But that's OK! As a male, I know how to get things done.
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| 101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
It needed to look a little battered for the play I was going to be in. Believe it or not , I was going to act the part of the fool! That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra. Things would really move along then! Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox.
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| 100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac.
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| 99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
I'd been saving up for a while, because the operation costs two stitches were all that was needed to close up the gaping hole in the ceiling so big, he could see the sky!
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| 98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
Moments later, they came upon a wide, glistening puddle of goo. It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
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| 97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
You could reload, jump to your feet, and with all my new armor I would be invincible! The bronze cuirass, the ebony greaves, and the helmet that was made out of nuclear waste collected from sea to shining sea.
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| 96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
Away with you! They were 30 feet tall, 2 feet wide, and frankly they stink and I don't want them in my garden anymore. Away with you! Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble. They were 30 feet tall, 2 feet wide, and frankly they stink and I don't want them in my garden anymore.
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| 95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice. It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area. They would love this pretty new space complete with not one but two cores per CPU, giving it inherent multiprocessing power.
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| 94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
Well you'll never know unless you try! So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth. he said as he pulled over, he took a big drink of Red Bull, burped, and he loudly exclaimed, "
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| 93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
He paused, and then continued: " I want every intern to pay attention here. Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone. I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!"
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| 92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off.
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| 91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
It was crunchy and really really tasty! I gathered up a few and put them in my pocket so I could give them to the police officer when he hauled me in for questioning before being charged with trespassing. I had no choice but to sit down on the grass and start scraping the dog poop off my shoes.
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| 90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood.
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| 89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph. Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
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| 88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
Is that like an appraizor? Come appraize my house, and bring your 5 clipboards! "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
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| 87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom.
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| 86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier. I couldn't help but shut my eyes tight as our speeding car swerved completely off the prescription medication he had been taking to calm his nerves.
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| 85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor. He had already asked me for a refund. "Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, "
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| 84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
To which the manager, confused, replies, " Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!"
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| 83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
When we counted them we ended up with 1,416 pumpkins. That was more than enough to make some pumplin pie. We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
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| 82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
That's why I wear dorky clothes and spike my hair with glittery gel. Who knows? I might be spotted by the next agency of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy. I stepped through the door and fell through a hole in the floor! I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools.
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| 81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C.
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| 80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son.
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| 79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
We all know that sanitation is very low priority around here, which is why your show is on suspension!" exclaimed Kent. "You can't be serious! I know positively that these eggs are fresh!
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| 78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house.
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| 77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
We much have been too noisy ourselves because the neighbors called up and said, " I just wondered if you knew there's a bowling alley right up the road.
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| 76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
We might find some interesting local folks to talk to. They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil.
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| 75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
Nobody can match my collection of his memorabilia. Why I even have his name printed on my flame-retardant suit and on my car, I don't know. Couldn't we get another sponsor, one who won't make us wear these stupid ballcaps?
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| 74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
It might surprise you how much water you use just taking a shower. With all that water you could probably survive by drinking sand. You never know until you try! Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it.
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| 73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
"Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones.
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| 72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25. But who's counting, really? Sitting in the hot sun, sipping sweet tea and making fun of the junker cars that drove up was worth at least $100.
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| 71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
But I was in for the surprise of my life. It all started the day my mechanic called to me, "Captain Mitchell, you had better put down that bottle of Tequila and come look at this." Although having been on a 3 day binge, I tried to rise from my seated position.
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| 70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
Too bad some of them were warped from the heat in the attic. But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!"
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| 69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
"Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza.
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| 68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
Like Confucious say, "Cat never full." That's why you have to have a wide base, or else a strong foundation, if you're going to make it that tall. So to save floor space, you could try cement ing your mouth shut and let me do the thinking, OK?
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| 67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
Then I went back downstairs and fixed myself a meatball lunch pocket. It was so good, I licked it again. "Hey! Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out.
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| 66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
I almost lost it - not only were there woodchips in my sandwich, but now my favorite electric tool was perfect for sanding the hardwood floor prior to refinishing it. I plugged it in and turned it on, but nothing happened.
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| 65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
The space marine sergeant harrumphed. "Positive ree-en-forcement?! This ain't no namby-pamby country club! This is taking too long. What's your point?" "Okay, okay. I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using. As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need.
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| 64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly.
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| 63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
Or while ordering a big ice cream sundae, someone might conspiratorially inform the person making it, "I'm not in it for the ice cream, I'm in it for the fame! The adoration, the adulation, the accolade...ization.
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| 62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan.
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| 61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
So what do you think?" I looked around before answering, noticing some men standing outside the window. Frightfully stern in their trenchcoats and black sunglasses, they appeared to be staring at those bits of broccoli stuck in his teeth....How gross!
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| 60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
So here's the plan: Rent a storefront, buy some coffee beans, and to grind them, buy a big muffin. The bigger the better. The biggest I've ever seen. In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder.
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| 59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
He shouted with ire, " Swab the deck, you landlubber. You will earn your keep on my ship. Now bring me a mug of cold frosty beer! Wow, would that hit the spot!" He grinned with satisfaction at the thought of running up to that hoity-toity aristocrat woman and bumping her right into the pool.
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| 58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet. One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it. The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater.
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| 57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
I mean what are we here for? We must improve our health! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind.
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| 56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
I got up early so I could watch all my favorite cartoons! First they played some oldies like Mighty Mouse and Mickey Mouse. Then the network switched over to the ads, which are even louder and more frenetic than the shows!
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| 55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
We were too quickly running out of everything: bottled water, powdered milk, and freeze-dried corpses of agents of years past.
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| 54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
We're here to relax! Those beach balls are just too big!
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| 53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
"Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy.
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| 52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
She paused for a final jelly doughnut before entering the inner sanctum of the plush office where dozens of models were milling around, considering who would look best in which outfit. as, in shadow, they moved, tall and willowy through the revolving door, but they lacked the coordination to get out!
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| 51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
Obviously I was going to have to figure this out for myself. i before e except after c... in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet. Of course everyone knows in addition to trays of sugary pastries, you should add bountiful numbers of rose petals to your bath!
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| 50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
"The sites contaminated, and we ourselves slowly dying from some unknown ancient curse, it was only a matter of time before we and all our work disintegrated back into ancient history.
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| 49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
In which case, you should start over. As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control. So we looked at the dehumidifiers.
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| 48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
Probably. Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day. To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. That will add good protein without making you feel overfull.
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| 47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand.
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| 46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
"For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!"
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| 45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
It was necessary because all the candidates were secretly communists. I had found this out by trying to push down ALL the little red levers. The volunteer outside the curtain heard all the mechanical sounds and mumbling, and called out to him, "It doesn't work like that!
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| 44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
Puzzling over this, he decided to call for help from the adjoining nest, so they could quickly get the worms underground before the birds got them. Such a rich food source! And nearby! A messenger was sent to the prison chaplain's office to plead his case.
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| 43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil. over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow!
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| 42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
The queasiness. The dizziness. Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse. "MO---om! Mom! Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold.
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| 41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
And where would I start? I made a path toward the window when suddenly I saw a large water-stained cardboard box with bulging sides. I thought, "I probably don't even want to know where I got this box of grenades.
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| 40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
Me dumb. Me stupid. Me go the wrong way on a one-way street. Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!"
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| 39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
I just looked the other way, because the PTA President had a booger on her nose. It was drooping down and looked older than dirt! "Who's that?" I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!" she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded.
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| 38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
I know it will be a blue ribbon winner. Look at that flaky crust!
Look at those plump chunks of meat on that carcass. This is the best BBQ I've been to!" He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl.
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| 37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
Stop the presses!!" The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!! What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape.
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| 36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
Unless you want to die early! Add oat bran to your oatmeal! Add it to your yogurt!
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| 35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one. When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea!
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| 34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie."
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| 33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
the Minotaur King was relieving himself right above us!" I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar. It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side.
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| 32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
What a find! I grabbed it quickly because I wanted to add it to my collection. I tried it out too.
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| 31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning. Now we are headed for the North Pole!
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| 30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
"Have you had any experience with those?" "Actually, no, I've never seen such a gruesome murder.
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| 29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
You can't get away from that on a farm, you know! Don't worry, it builds the immune system. Although they change with the seasons, there are always chores to do inside and out. day. First I started washing the windows. That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil.
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| 28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
Duck!" he screamed. We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us. We quickly crawled to the police station and cried for help.
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| 27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
You can use it for digging up earthworms. You know those slick wiggly creatures that are so good for the soil. Why in only one hour they can process 50 pounds of superb cedar mulch. This is the good stuff! Now take it and smoosh it together with your hands.
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| 26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
I got the hose inserted into the tire and put in 25 pounds of gas!
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| 25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
Luckily, Rosita's father had a good catch of fish from earlier that day. Digging a hole in the sand, they lay down some firewood. They placed the cooking pan in the outdoor oven which the Ruwandans had built with stone and layers of crushed bones were all that remained of those who opposed the formation of the International Village.
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| 24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
We hadn't been to a museum yet so we jumped up and headed for the closest Starbucks. "Boy, these things are everywhere!"
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| 23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
There was a sale on homemade play dough. It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors.
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| 22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
If others are present, your only hope is to fart again, only this time fart harder, and hopefully it'll be toxic enough to kill any witnesses. The fact is I cannot believe Bonnie started this story!
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| 21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
I soon decided barefoot was good........if your feet were hot. But not good if your feet were covered with blisters, stuck with splinters,
and if the ground oozed with the green slime from that pond we sloshed through earlier, while holding up our rifles so they wouldn't get wet!
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| 20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
I asked, drooling. he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen!
Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something.
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| 19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
"Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?" "Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead.
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| 18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!" And if you let him sweep, then he'll want to shake the rugs outside.
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| 17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
"Is anybody hurt?" I asked. "That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going."
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| 16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
"Women!" He thought to himself, " They are so scared of their shadows! Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE! And that's ALL I NEED! And my pup tent. In case it rains.
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| 14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away.
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| 13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
What had happened?! We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table. Bonnie exclaimed, " If we could all just CALM DOWN! Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall!
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| 12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
What to do?! Maybe we should replace them with soy. Do you think anyone would be able to get all those wads of gum from underneath the tables? They must have accumulated for years! Here, take this old spatula and whack the back of the head of any customers who don't agree to 'super-size' their combos."
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| 11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
I said, "Hot dogs? I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs.
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| 10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
Real ultimate power is attained by unrelenting karate chops to the back of the neck and across the river, with a single leap of his well-muscled legs. He found himself in the middle of a big pile of threadbare blue mats. he exclaimed. "How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?"
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| 8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily.
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| 7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
Who will draw the long straw to be in it?
Who will excape the seething blubbery morass of stinking foul alien green cards. asked Sam, quizzically. the officer replied, "It's the illegal immigrants, the aliens, we give them to.
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| 5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
Sir Greg replied, "I think thou shouldst know that I am now a knight! No more slogging away in the hot wheat fields for me!
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| 4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
This time the judge actually intervened, calling for a brief break, giving him time to steer the ship through the minefield. There were a few close calls, but after about 20 tense minutes she gave up. "I'm so stressed out I can't think.
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| 3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
Yeeha! We graduated! Finally, they spilled out into the aisles of the auditorium and all threw their hats into the air. Yeeha! We graduated! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
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| 2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans. She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket. So when she walked into the coffee shop, she immediately put down her heavy backpack.
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| 1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
And the best place for that will be in the kitchen, where the food is. Greg nodded slowly and deliberately as he reached for the Ovaltine. When he opened the cabinet, Lo, and behold, he found his missing bottle of pills. Oh, how he had suffered without them!
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