Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! which reminds me I haven't eaten a meal yet today.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
But what is the difference between a burrito and a chimichanga? Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
The fresh cold air stung his nose as as he pulled up his snuggly warm scarf mask. hmmm may be those masks really are good for something! However, I hate people telling me what to do, ...like I have to use fully-jacketed rounds at the indoor shooting range, because they're concerned about LeAd PoIsOnInG...
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
If you're into meditation, make sure you have a cup of coffee ahead of time so that you don't accidentally slip on a patch of ice and land face-first in a pile of freshly driven icy cold snow causing me to feel the need to call the airline and confirm my flight hadn't been cancelled. When they answered the phone, they said "We don't want any."
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later. So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
He couldn't see! He was stumbling! Stumbling, he tried to reach for the next page of music, but his cramp was so bad it was like he was moving in slow motion. The band would not wait!
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
And you can't help but wonder, " Will these trolls ever leave me alone? Don't they have anything better to do than trolling people in the middle of the night?" I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Plus a thick milkshake made with real ice cream and in addition a dollup of fairy dust. Yeah, like actual dust from a fairy, we couldn't believe it. A little dude with wings showed up with a handful of sparkly crap.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Well, I'm glad that's done. All that litter scattered everywhere! What messy cats. First I get a shower then wipe down the cats, and as for VoilaLeiya...
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
When is the pizza guy going to get here?!! If I have to wait any longer, I will have to make a point to go to bed early tonight. It's so soothing to listen to the thunder rolling while reading a book about the Oregon Trail. It took 5 grueling months to go from St. Louis to their destination.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
It was truly a monumental day. Everyone was happy. Everyone was full of good food.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
You can bring a few bottles! Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Streaking fire fell from the sky, and portals opened in the earth, from which spilled the uncountable, writhing forms of extradimensional creatures. Thankfully, Greg had saved a ton of money by switching to GEICO! And so, when we got back home, having experienced so much and learned so many lessons, we knew we would be facing life with more boldness from then on.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
No more screwing around. Sometimes, only brute force can solve a problem. Locked and loaded, I peeked out the cat door to see what all the commotion was about.... Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I always carry them with me in case anyone needs them because they have a splinter or a tick or a stray unwanted hair, or in case they have a stray unwanted coyote wandering around, digging in the trash, chasing rabbits.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
What to do?? They, to a man, all decided to rush the stage. It was pandemonium!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
But at the same time we would attempt to eat one hot pepper each. The winner would be able to do it with the least amount of elbow grease....and what a relief that was! Because who wants a elbow smothered in 100% maple syrup that was imported from Vermont.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them. These featured steel posts that would dig into the ice so you can melt the snow so you can flush your toilet! Too bad your electricity went off.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
In fact, use the big jar! Some people also like to add anchovies...ewww. Then there is the delicious fruit pizza!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza! And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes. The matching outfits looked kind of amateur, but the makeup and wigs more than made up for it with Cherry Blossom Bubble Bath!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Just put in the corners of every room little bowls of microwave popcorn. But the coolest thing he has in his room is a large, heavy anvil. His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs. Late into the night, the whole hall could the CLANG CLANG CLANG, the sound of rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
We are going to hose water into it and then fill it it with ice. Turn on a high-powered fan and aim it toward my neighbor's open back door.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists. "It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." A neighbor said I was using up too much sunshine. Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Hahaha! Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together! When I took them out of the washer, they were all the color of a cloudy winter sky.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
And I will build it out of lots of catnip and wine. What a day we had!! But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest. her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
What were you thinking?!?! You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Yes I decided to do it: every night I would get out a different catalog, open up the turned-down pages, and proceed to checkout when you're finished.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too? I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses! Leaning in close, she could see tiny maggots ! Horrible ! How did they get there? !! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Better get out that rake because the leaves will be coming down ! You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard. he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
band. I first heard about them when they appeared as my Wiki Word of the Day. Another stupid bunch of words. Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Tamp down the tourniquets I had to put on my arms after accidentally slicing them with the trowel. Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Who cares anyway as long as you get enough Vitamin D. But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!? Seriously, lead?!?!? Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I received it in the mail and was unsure how to transfer all my information, so I asked Greg to smash my old phone with a hammer! Which he did, and amazingly, nothing happened. As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Because you didn't eat your Wheaties or drink your whole milk. No wonder you feel weak and you don't want to see me when I'm angry.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
They then proceeded to knock over all my pink flamingoes in protest and put arsenic in the birdbath. That was the last straw! I needed to go to the store to buy more straws to build my custom-crafted trellis.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire. Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays! Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie! IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl! "Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And now you know how to make your neighbors your best friends for life !Just walk over, knock on their door and with great enthusiasm, say, " I knew I could do it!" Just make sure you stop at the first sign of feeling faint.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Next, take the scissors and curl the ribbon. Make sure every strand of ribbon is curled in a spiral and hangs down over the back of the tongue. "Uvula," I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
"What!" I exclaimed. "I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER."
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor! "That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars. So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
After I downloaded it, the opening scene seemed to be set in the mouth of a cave. there is a grand expanse of purple mountains, faraway blue lakes, and a great number of reddish-orange Doritos. They were next to the Cheetos, Slim Jims, Twizzlers, and a box of Poop.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I was appalled and could not watch a minute more; in fact, I just stood up and shouted, " Kill it, kill it, KILL IT!!!!!" I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It teetered in the breeze. Just when the tension was almost too much to bear, the elastic snapped in my sweat pants, and I had to quickly step up the pace. I'll never burn off those calories from last night's dinner at this rate. As I broke into a jog, I peered down into the muddy puddle and spied something moving!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
They were everywhere! They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students. With their unorthodox approach, they gathered exotic plants from the Amazon Rainforest, pulverized them and mixed them with liquid kale, because it's so good for you!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
you can afford it! Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks. you can afford it! In the whole milk there is a lot of algae growing there."
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests! Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack. We'll have to get the horses in on it too.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard. Any second now I expected a giant squid to lunge forward and puke his guts out onto the floor. The surrounding bystanders followed suit out of disgust, creating a massive river of blood, as high as a horse's bridle!
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Predictably, that place exploded like a blue-light special at K-Mart. During the bedlam, I ran out through the back, evading my pursuers and finding myself in a pickle. The car had broke down and I didn't have enough money for bus fare.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep! I wonder who brought them? Could it have been that I had made them myself and forgotten? At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal. I didn't have time now to baste the turkey.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Those nasty little roaches were everywhere! Someone must have left food in here! Ah, I found an old lunch bag! And in it were stale pieces of air. There wasn't enough oxygen to breathe!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Then you know what happens! I have to poop! But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up. And when you do, tell him, ' Stop spilling used cat litter on the garage floor!'"
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!"
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face! I know! I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net. Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
"Hmm, he must have run out of TP and used this instead." But this wouldn't help me find the hat. What I needed was a big eagle's feather! That would look so cool on my hat. I got on the internet and ordered one from this company called " The Joke's on You, LLC." They specialize in sneaky stuff like letting the air out of the sweatband of the hat where I found a secret note!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Within moments they were fast asleep, and I was able to turn flips so fast that we could not keep our eyes focused; nor could we show our face in Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes." Then the doctor stood back in amazement, and with great feeling he said, "
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I got home, opened the box, and inside I saw a giant strawberry! I could use it to make dessert with.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery. But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
More killin' means more XP and loot, which I'll need in order to keep the cats off the floor I built a neat wooden dining table complete with a covering of Chee-tohs dust. No geek worth his salt would be caught dead without that telltale orange tint on his fingertips.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
"I hope you have a good insurance policy, because you are SURELY going to need it!" This bold statement caused a huge increase in his medical malpractice insurance premiums. He may have to terminate his membership at the country club.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Why can't we have more toilet paper in here? Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards! Go away! I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen. Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
He cracked his knuckles and proceded to sing their little hearts out. and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He smiled, sat down and boo-hooed right there in the mall. What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go! The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
That's why we never eat at McDonald's anymore! The new kitchen at Mc Donald's could satisfy even a barnyard full of swine. That's why we never eat at McDonald's anymore! It would seem that fast-food production was more streamlined and technology-driven than even Dilbert could ever imagine!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
I had to squint to read the obiturary, but I managed to make out "squished by a giant pumpkin"! I shuddered; I now knew why I liked pumpkin pie so much. I could hardly wait to get back home so I could start making trouble for everyone. I'm good at that!! Cackling evilly, I carved scary faces into all the pumpkins in the patch!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools. That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back. I know that will make you feel completely relaxed. So just close your eyes and whatever you do, don't think about pink elephants.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
What! No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
(laugh track) "To start with, crack these eggs, whip them up, and blend them into your stock pot. Next, chop the garlic into tiny bits at least small enough to fit into a cupcake holder! You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Ewww! Smelly! And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
They won't lay eggs with all this noise! When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area. Of course, while we're there, we'll check out the local caves. I know it will be cool in there, and who knows? We might find some interesting local folks to talk to.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric! Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun! What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Three days later, we were so thirsty our tongues were sticking to the plan.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Everything else had failed...THIS was the one! and 250 lbs, could best be described as high fat, high sodium, and high sugar. Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet! "Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!"
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Imagine seeing him again, here, after all these years! It sure is a small fire button!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
Only problem now was the fact that scratching the rash had left me with less than $5 in my pocket. I could not afford to have them do that diagnostic test, so I told him, "That's okay, I probably don't need both kidneys. I'm not very big so I must not have that much blood to filter, right?"
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
That will act as ballast, and prevent the cat condo from collapsing onto the cats! What a mess that would be! And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
This was the first time I'd ever put up wallpaper. I was nervous and excited at the same time. First I assembled the tools and instructions, and then I took a dare and tasted the wallpaper paste. my mouth tasted like wallpaper paste. I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
"I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Ring, ring "Hello?" "Hello! I've been meaning to call you for days! How are you?"
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning".
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
To everyone's amazement I then proceeded to sing, " We're in the money, we're in the money, we've got a lot of snot to clean up here. It is all over the place. Start wiping with this ring, I thee wed."
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show. I have staff who will divide the German blood sausage into enough pieces so that everyone can have at least a Eastern European immigrant would have more good taste than the fresh-faced yahoos we've been putting on this show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
And a tattoo to match! and on the back it would say "got r00t?" Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties. We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
He stood up and gathered his belongings, which was difficult to do while holding the coffee cup. Somebody else came along and mopped up the spilled latte, and then put up a sign that said, " Coffee leads to throat cancer", but another sign said "Coffee can cure ennui!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I put it there myself!" I was completely flabbergasted! I had lost my third game of shuffleboard! What to do? I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts! When they arrived, his tummy was already started to gurgle. "Uh, excuse me, I didn't mean to fart in your face." Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time! But there wasn't time to even think!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
T. 's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, " All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time? It taught geography, history, economics, as well as Bazooka Bubble Gum and Reese's Pieces. We could not wait to buy some, so we headed toward the fridge.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It was so beautiful and from outer space it looked even more chaotic. I don't know who, but someone needed to return to earth to get supplies. We were too quickly running out of everything: bottled water, powdered milk, and freeze-dried corpses of agents of years past.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Surprised, I realized it must be in Texas, not Kansas after all. How did I get here? It's so hot and the heat makes me feel like dancing! It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
How weary I felt! It was as if I had no limit on my credit cards! I just kept buying and buying! There was so much to choose from, she let her stomach do the talking so she picked the one with chocolate sprinkles.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
This ensemble would blow away the skeletal remains of the anorexic models. What a tragedy. But the show must go on. The rest of you: Take a number and get in line. When you fill in your applications, please include your criminal history, if applicable. That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel?
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place. Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life? None of this makes sense to me. To help me I think I'll ask the bartender.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Actually, you may need TWO carts! In fact, you may find that the selection of 2x4s has way too many knots in it. In which case, you should start over. As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control. So we looked at the dehumidifiers.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
A good Ninja has excellent freckle patterns. These can be achieved by correct application of sunscreen and limiting your time in the sun, for day brings visibility, and a ninja must be unseen as much as possible! Therefore most ninjas tend to sleep only 2 hours at a time.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I bet that would get more people to vote! You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN ! So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun?
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity!
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold. There wasn't much time to waste. They were going to be late!
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
And where would I start? I made a path toward the window when suddenly I saw a large water-stained cardboard box with bulging sides.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed. "We can't go this way because the Hulk has smashed it to smithereens. Maybe we could--whoa!" Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I'm telling you, you've got to try this onion dip. It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
They came from Joe's Beanery. Always tasted good and made us feel like a million bucks. "I need to get some of that!" Bob exclaimed. "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Then they would look at me as if they should treat me with pity and gentleness, like one of the dumb animals they're trying to save. But anyway, they would go on to tell everyone at Burger King that they were being sinfully cruel to the poor cowies, and contaminating themselves with chemicals and hormones and crap.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Let's use this Spanish-English dictionary to figure out what the heck they're saying! I have no idea how to get to the Transportation Museum.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie." (SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I grumbled as I tried my best not to throw up. It wasn't easy I can tell you. I pursed my lips and grimaced and I then proceeded to back up.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Scalie loved gifts like this! She usually ate them. At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course! It will be so cool to see from above the blackened scars in South America caused by the burning of the rain forests. Then we'll go to the Amazon River and see how much Avon we can sell to the natives.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
They're missing! The sargeant will have our heads in we don't find them! Man! They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!" As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
And I think I will also add some corn to the pig's food. They seem to like that. But they don't seem to care much for city folk. They were always coming around here, blabbing about how much nice it is up north, where they have eaten the grass right down to the bare ground.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Just then, a T-Rex ran up and ate him! Two days later we found a pile of John Kerry T-Rex poop outside our hut. Why else would he, John Kerry, ever think he could be president?
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Let me demonstrate. (Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He knew she was mad because she turned into a werewolf! Shreds of clothing flew away, revealing dark brown fur beneath. She scrambled out of the car as soon as she regained consciousness enough to realize she was IN A CAR! she slurred with anger. "WHERE'S MY LUNCH!"
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
they jumped into the car and drove to the museum. They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum!
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
she exclaimed as she punched me in the arm. With that, we immediately went to to the great cathedral, Notre Dame. When we walked through the great doors, everything was very quiet.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
And sure enough there was a Taco Bell right inside the store! So Xander hurried over there and ordered a big Mac with cheese and extra ketchup and Great Biggie Fries.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
You are a sissy! You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. "You have sissy farts! You are a sissy! You are a sissy!"
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I'm scared!" the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I'd never seen anyone look so angry! We were all so scared we could do nothing but stand in shocked silence, hoping he would calm down. Suddenly, he whacked the other guy on the back of the head with the spatula!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
"Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?" "Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead. I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?"
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
What was in it? It must have been cooked with bacon grease. That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I exclaimed. "How can you think about food at a time like this? Do you realize our first priority is AIR?" "Women!" He thought to himself, " They are so scared of their shadows! Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE!
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
REVENGE IS SWEET, AND A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!!" By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that. I realized this was a good opportunity to get out of there, so I quietly nudged past the jostling, shouting crowd, resisting the temptation to tear out the pages of the 1500-page unabridged dictionary and start making ragged origami with them.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
"Take a nap every afternoon." After I take a nap, I always feel like killing somebody! That was when I knew I had to lie down quickly and start my bio-feedback session. That was the only thing that worked for me to help me feel calm again, and it helped me also to feel sympathy for homeless people.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
I didn't know what to do, the meat had been sitting all night unrefrigerated. Who in the world let that happen?! The early morning drive-thru lane was already backing up. Should we use the meat anyway, or should we ask the customers to leave and go somewhere that doesn't suck?
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
After only a few minutes they began to hatch. "I don't know what to do with all these eggshells. Maybe I should crush them into little bits and bake them in the oven and feed them back to the chickens. That's what my daddy would do.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
The massive and violent battle was finally finished. The weapons were lying in disarray.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee. Now, I also want all your money. I mean ALL of it. Hand it over or I will give you a million dollars in exchange for leaving the country and never mentioning this again!"
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole! The ship contorted in bizarre, unthinkable ways as the universe collapsed around them. Moments later, all hell broke loose when they drifted into ans asteroid belt. Being slammed from all sides, they quickly tried to vent the waste container into space, before it exploded and spewed human refuse all over the cabin.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
When the quiet had reached miasmic propotions, Miss Na Tasha again resumed her shrill tirade against her adversary in court, Barrister. This time the judge actually intervened, calling for a brief break, giving him time to steer the ship through the minefield.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
That wall of fatigue that just suddenly hits you when you've eaten salmonella-laden salad at Ponderosa Steak House. The you have to absolutely rush to get to the place.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy. I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased! He spent most of the time talking about himself. As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
In fact, he still had enough time to play another game of Warlords Battlecry. Being only 10 battles away from finishing another campaign, he was anxious to see which orb he would get next. So immediately he began to jump up and down and sing "Yankee Doodle."