Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
That would be more appropriate for making chimichangas than anything else. But what is the difference between a burrito and a chimichanga? Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
This kind of lichen is edible! Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full. However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass!
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Actually, it's an introvert's dream, this whole solitary isolation business. Nobody ever bothers you, and you have basically infinite free time. If you're into meditation, make sure you have a cup of coffee ahead of time so that you don't accidentally slip on a patch of ice and land face-first in a pile of freshly driven icy cold snow causing me to feel the need to call the airline and confirm my flight hadn't been cancelled.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Who walked the dogs last?? Don't they realize the dishwasher is broken and look at all these dirty dishes! Plus I have a bandaged hand because I cut myself with a rusty barbecue smoker borrowed from a neighbor. It would take at least 16 hours to lambaste the turkey....
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The fear was simply too much, so I picked up a fish and started patting it, hoping it would not snarl and bite him anymore.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
It had been in my pocket for a few days at this point, so was pretty smashed and fairly dirty.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
The fear in our hearts diminished somewhat as each of the treacherous Kiwis was pushed into the holding zone.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
It got caught on everything! it even got stuck on logistics. Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan. She asked, "How do we know this robo-vacuum will do any better a job than the last one?"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Bridge was the broadest of wrestlers in the league, and about twice as wide as a mere mortal. He tried not to walk sideways to get through most doorways but he had to anyway, and he took in stride when the rest of us ribbed him about it.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
They would be so impressed with my new toy' When they arrived they looked at my grand display and with great enthusiam, they said, " Good king Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephen!"
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
It's got vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Everything your body needs. But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw. We gathered all that in a little pile, and then went looking for the all important matches. Can't have a fire without matches.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
My fury knew no bounds, and I would have my revenge. But first, I needed to build a safety net! I bought a whole bunch of ropes at Ace Hardware and carefully wove them into a really strong basket we could use to swing ourselves across the chasm.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It must be like that old saying, "out of sight, out of Tums! Just thinking about that garage is tying my gut in knots! I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
You know that would be the ultimate experience! hedge after hedge after hedge... Maybe into shapes, like for instance the shape of a PAYCHECK!!!! Sitting at a desk with the so cool AC and a cuppa tea whenever I wanted it... You know that would be the ultimate experience! hedge after hedge after hedge...
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
When they arrived, they quickly put the fire out that was creeping toward the stump grass. And it's a good thing they did, because if they hadn't done so, and quick, we all know what would have happened.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Of course not! But we must be reasonable. Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
In his room I was surprised to see a tick crawling on my shoe. Ick! I hadn't even considered bringing bug spray. Well, like they say, when life hands you lemons, discard the lemons; make bacon. So I picked up the tick and carried it to the entomology lab for analysis.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I may as well have this with a side of socialism and a hot mug of Bernie Sanders Uber Alles. Give me a bottle of Mrs. of A!" She then pounded the table for emphasis, causing all the stray animals to congregate in Bonnie's back yard.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
We did not know what to expect in the morning. Imagine our surprise when we looked out the window and we saw snowflakes floating down from the sky.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
In fact, use the big jar! Some people also like to add anchovies...ewww. Then there is the delicious fruit pizza! Sugar cookie crust with strawberries, kiwi fruit, pineapple all arranged in a pattern of pleasing proportions. The cheese should go on first, though.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated. The best thing to do is take a minute to evaluate the situation, then decide which size pizza to order, the giant 18-inch, or should we order the small instead of the large?
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
It was from the party last night! Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza! And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes. The matching outfits looked kind of amateur, but the makeup and wigs more than made up for it with Cherry Blossom Bubble Bath!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
They're delighted with the constant flow of free T-shirts, hors d'oeuvres, gift bags, and lanyards with name tags that say, " Welcome to Engineering Country!Now proceed into the Student Center where you will be issued a tote bag full of water guns.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
So cool that that I had to put on a show to impress the neighbors.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use??
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
When I took them out of the washer, they were all the color of a cloudy winter sky. Now, the only solution would be to tie-dye everything ! So I went shopping and bought 5 boxes of dye. The 5 colors I picked were black, navy blue, charcoal gray, gray, and maroon. There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Even Donald Trump would want to own this... I will call him right away and say." 3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces. We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket."
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
But, they were so hungry that they did not have enough cash to pay for the purchases at Costco, so they emptied all their pockets and ended up with the dollar amount of $ 4, payable in two Thomas Jefferson bills.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Well, hello there!!! I've been ever so busy lately that I nearly stumbled. Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I resolve to think before I speak and bite my tongue if I feel inclined to improve myself. First I took a personality test and I turned out to be an introvert. So I thought I would work on that and turned to the person next to me, and I said to him " What were you thinking?!?!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place! After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box! The only way to cover that will be to file bankruptcy!! Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning. I had to wait about two weeks. Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink !
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now !
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice. Talk about getting ready to fall! Getting ready for falling? Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And the surrounding area was covered in moldy gray moss that smelled like gym socks that had been stuffed with rotten onions and baby vomit. I took them and soaked them overnight. Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Who cares anyway as long as you get enough Vitamin D. But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it. Instead I decided to add a new game app. The name of it was Clash of the Terrible Twos.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman! He was known for being obnoxious to the nth degree. Everyone was gathering into little groups to avoid talking to him. Then suddenly he came toward us and said, "I want my two dollars!"
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets. If something is missing, always remember: look under the couch cushions for any stray peanuts. I am sure I lost some. We want to make our own peanut butter in our new electric hot tub.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch. It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21. Three rows of seven each.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
There, under a little tree, we saw all colors of lichens growing on the bald rock. When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Everything is so cold, so frozen, so depressing! I need to travel to a warm clime, and bask in the humid warmth of the American South. Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
It's hard to work through meal time! Using all that brain power was very draining. I could use a pepper-upper! Maybe there is something in the staff refrigerator I could sample....
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Where are those lint rollers?? I am sure I put them in the sock drawer, next to the loaded gun. It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
"OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line! My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!"
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Arrange them in a semi-circle under the Christmas tree, but make sure they are not near any pets. Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Where is that awful stink coming from?? My nose led me to the conclusion that we should call a plumber. It seems pretty obvious if the toilet won't even flush. Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
With a glorious roar, he hefted it over his shoulders and tried to go through the front door. However, as he stepped over the threshold, he stepped into a cave. He could see tunnels to the SOUTH and NORTH beneath his torchlight.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint. I can see how that would help, considering I had lost my contact lenses. Down on my hands and knees searching for them I found instead two strange-looking rocks.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
You would have to rush to fill it again with concrete. This time, we're going for permanence! We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation! And for 3 weeks I had to wear an Ace bandage on my damaged vertebrae, which were partially crushed in a parkour accident two years prior. When it happened, I spent the first 3 months just learning how to use this stupid new controller.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I just saw the BEST movie of all time! Only, I don't think anyone else understood why I went to the movies even though I was blind! They didn't realize that my excellent sense of hearing allowed me to pick up even the slightest nuance of sound, and my vivid imagination I never would have guessed she would DIE from it!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles. It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds. All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens. It used gravity wells and quantum tunneling to launch giant blue whales from every port in the country, in celebration of the Year of Cheese!
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
That's why he put all his underwear into zip-lock bags. Nobody wants strangers pawing through his underwear drawer. Someone had gone and used White-Out over the price tags so everything that was $19.99 or $29.99 became $9.99.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!" Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Someone must have left food in here! Ah, I found an old lunch bag!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The stewardess offered us complimentary drinks as bubbly as she was. Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
I really could not bear to throw away all those memories. Perhaps I could store them in a large milkshake from Chick-Fil-A. While we were there we also ordered a pizza to be delivered but when the deliveryman came, instead of a pizza he brought a box full of chocolates.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
I am calling the cops! If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way." "NO WAY!" I retorted.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
They're inexpensive, have great fuel economy, and just as importantly you must have lots of sunflowers. It is also important where you place them: only put them back in the grave where they belong. But you have to hit them pretty hard to stop them, because they ate too many brains (!) which caused them to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
She buzzed right in with a big flyswatter and started swatting us on the behind. Clearly she wasn't sure what to throw away and what to keep. For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser. So then we started to use the snow shovel to pick up all the piles of fly poop FlyLady was leaving everywhere.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
The Joke's on You, LLC." They specialize in sneaky stuff like letting the air out of the sweatband of the hat where I found a secret note!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Then the doctor stood back in amazement, and with great feeling he said, " Your insurance will not cover this!
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
That's why I have to soak my hands in hot paraffin every night. What a relief! Then the next day I am ready to open fire with my thermonuclear missile pack.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
I had to choose between organic compost or that big bag of hot air, Joe Blow or Joe Schmoe or whatever his name is.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
More killin' means more XP and loot, which I'll need in order to keep the cats off the floor I built a neat wooden dining table complete with a covering of Chee-tohs dust.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Eventually they drifted to a dead stop, out of gas, low on oil, and right in the middle of a speedtrap!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
I was going to need surgery. This would be the first time I'd ever been operated on. The note also said "What have you eaten lately? and these 2 lungs are the only ones you'll ever have, so you need to take care of them!
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
Fortunately, I was wearing my Kevlar vest and it bounced off! It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
I'd never studied a foreign language, but there's no time like the present for developing a smooth accent. feelings of the Italians, who of course like to roll their R's and use nasal N's, like when they say Cinqo de Mayo they don't mean, "Drop the mayonnaise"; what they really mean is, "
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"You are such an abuzor!" She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately! The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Needless to say, the manager had never heard such beautiful singing in his life. He smiled, sat down and boo-hooed right there in the mall.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
I considered this innovation. It would seem that fast-food production was more streamlined and technology-driven than even Dilbert could ever imagine! The new kitchen at Mc Donald's could satisfy even a barnyard full of swine.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
I'm good at that!! Cackling evilly, I carved scary faces into all the pumpkins in the patch!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
One never knows what will happen if you transpose the warp stream with the antimatter containment field, you will surely lose your breakfast in a hurry, unless you made sure first that you fasten your helmet securely, fasten your oxygen hose, and secure you must be, and I the all-wise one, tell you I will, that you really had better know what you're doing by now!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home. "Hey!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle." "Eww!" I exclaimed.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
We had to go to Sam's Club to buy the biggest bag of M&M's and while we were there we also bought a big box of Tide detergent! 'Cause we're going to need it for all the poop that is on its way. What were you thinking to feed the twins stewed prunes??
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area. Of course, while we're there, we'll check out the local caves.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush. And when you go be sure you ask the customer service person there, how to install a low-flow toilet.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
It's your reward for your great progress. Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight. Stuff like what to get and what to avoid at the grocery, how to eat out smartly, and above all, remember it's not about a number, it's about how you feel!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I expect a response from the navigator because I really think we are lost! I don't recognize anything down below. I think we may have flown into enemy territory! And you know what that means!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
On the way out I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and I thought, "That's right ladies, you know you want a year's supply of ball point pens and above all a year's supply of comic books.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry. Like Confucious say, "Cat never full."
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
I was going to need a lot more spit to get this job done. As I prepared the next strip, I suddenly has the urge to pee. But the toilet had been removed! So I went upstairs and screamed to let out the frustration. Then I went back downstairs and fixed myself a meatball lunch pocket.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
THAT will teach them to use acetone to clean the hardwood floors. Now take this toothbrush and clean the encrusted roach poop from around the doorways. What a job! I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
This ain't no namby-pamby country club! This is taking too long. What's your point?" "Okay, okay. I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using. As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning". immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Now that's what I call a breakfast drink! 'Cause honey, I ain't in it for the cocoa, I'm in it for the marshmallows! So bring on the orcs! I'm not afraid of them! Bring on ogres, giants, even dragons, they won't stop me! Because I'm Mr. Moneybags, and I want more of your money; so invest in my new scheme or I will promptly sign your autograph with an elaborate flourish.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!"
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Why, I remember when 8-tracks were giving way to audio cassettes! Now, music is one of those things you can't live without.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Incredulous, I asked her, with sarcasm, " You want fries with that?" She gave me such an evil look, that I really wanted to give her a chance to make better hot chocolate than the swill she had been serving.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
" I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
You stop traffic while I wash this man's windshield! He will surely reward me with a big wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt, I look just like a bunny rabbit! Hop, hop, hop!"
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Whew! Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident! That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
"What's the deal with all the psychedelic colors?" She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!" Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It's up to us to determine which way the world goes. With the intelligence we gain, not so good...That is the question. Also here is a good one: "To be or not to be?" Me thinks in our midst we have a genuine emergency! The mood in the room instantly electrified.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Once the weather got really hot them Yankee-land touristers might come hunting for your A/C, and you gotta be prepared. We loaded up on sunscreen and popsicles, and took off!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
"Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
She has the look we want. She must weigh close to 350 pounds. But that's OK. that's right... Perfect! She's a door. The next girl can pose on this poof chair.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Come and sit on it, and you will feel the stress leave your body quickly. might I recommend a jackhammer operator?
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
one student asked. "I don't know, let's taste one and see. Yummy! They are still good after all these years!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect? Unfortunately as I quickly rounded the corner, I ran right into the forklift! The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!" And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's... I had enough to make two layers.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
You may end up being bulimic, but at least that won't kill you. Probably. Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Ah, the warm feeling in my tummy! Ah, the power coming out of my legs, my arms, my fingertips.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN !
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
When it was over, Barrister lay there panting. Feathers were flying everywhere. Tiny blood spatters covered his face with his hands, as he heard the prison warden approaching. A heartless, cruel man, the warden was well-known for his ferocity in battle. Remarkably unscathed for having been in so many wars, there were few scars.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit. If they aren't stuck to the upholstery. If they are, we can try to use a high powered spray washer with a jet nozzle...or to blow his big hair dryer over the towel-dried car, for a final touch-up.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket. I didn't know how to adjust the applause meter. Everyone seemed to be clapping too hard or too soft. It was hopeless.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!" Who knows how long that had been there! "That's disgusting!" I said. "We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner! Russell used some when he worked at Busch; let's call him." So we called Russell to check out the buckets of unknown substance in the far corner.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!"
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows. What's going on? Is this some kind of sales pitch?!!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
This is the best BBQ I've been to!" He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Our top story tonight is "Back to School!" Which store has the best deal on school supplies?
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
This meal should keep the average person satisfied for thirty seconds. Oooh! But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Let's use this Spanish-English dictionary to figure out what the heck they're saying!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
I decided to take a dance class for fun and exercise. First I purchased my required leotard, tights, and the only other necessary item: a pretty pink tutu! Ready to dance? First lift your right leg and touch your toes on the edge of the piano.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open. Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
All my bags were packed and soon I would be on my way for the trip of a lifetime! I called a taxi to take me to the airport, and when he arrived he looked like a Pillsbury Doughboy, waddling under the bulk of all his gear and protective clothing.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!" You'll won't do me in with that heater!" He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Granddaddy would put his fingers in his ears because he did not want to hear the gunshot. Then everyone would join in to cut up the lard and use it to fry the bacon, sausage, eggs, toast, and soup. Now that's a country breakfast! L'il Abner (who wasn't very little) was always hungry.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
"Look at all these fossilized bones. I wonder how old they really are. Would they be as old as me?" She shook her head, and replied "I imagine these dinosaurs are at least 100 years old.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola! Especially if your own son is a pothead!!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
I thought of the title because it reminds me of a song. This story will be about a motorcycle trip.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Welcome everyone, except the French. You, mes faux amis, may leave." And with a great harrumph, they in fact did! As the last one exited the door, there came a loud applause from the audience, who then began to shout in unison,"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
We found her and as we stood gazing at that famous little smile, a gentleman next to us made this comment about her, "
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining. He grumbled, "
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
"But I don't LIKE Spam!" "That's OK, I've lost my sense of smell. I cannot smell anything. Why anymore, I cannot even smell my own butt since I sat in a bunch of flowers all day!" So we took the flowers and stuck our noses in them in order to hide the poopy smell that was all around us.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I soon decided barefoot was good........if your feet were hot. But not good if your feet were covered with blisters, stuck with splinters, and if the ground oozed with the green slime from that pond we sloshed through earlier, while holding up our rifles so they wouldn't get wet!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
"Pops doesn't sell chicken nuggets! Do we, guys?" He chuckled as he called over his shoulder to the crew. They all laughed nervously because they knew where this was headed. It was headed straight for the Health Department. Yeah, those guys will come and they will get out their blue pencils, and pretty soon this whole place will be condemned and turned into a new sewage treatment plant!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I did my Kargoth impression when I talked to the Registrar. "I am become death--destroyer of worlds!"
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
They were always one step ahead of us, always anticipating a gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music. I listen to it nice and loud, and it rocks me to sleep, no pun intended!
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going." "That's terrible, who would have thought ice cream could melt so fast!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
Instead, I loaded all the returned books onto the library cart and wheeled them into the back room where I could sort them in peace, and put them where they belonged: in the toilet.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Why is the grass green? Why--" And just then the drugs kicked in and then the convulsions started.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Peppers. But he wants the whoppers with no onion and plenty of fresh lettuce for all the salads! That was the part I hated the most.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Oh no! And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
In which case, he proceeded to sweep up all the ticker tape from the Exchange floor. But he decided he needed help, so he asked a group of socialist insurgents to stop making so much racket and go buy them lunch.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was. Unfortunately, they were disappointed to find no atmosphere! Now what?!! "I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
She dove at Barrister with claws extended. The fur did fly. even tried to intervene, but he was stomped on by Godzilla.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car. What they wanted to charge us was absolutely ridiculous. "I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you?
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
As soon as it did, however, all the walls were teeming with cockroaches, crawling over each other, a sea of movement, all headed helter-skelter for the comic book shop, because the lateezt issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK was out!!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
THAT'S RIGHT! once he heard that, he knew the time was near. So near, in fact, he nervously checked his ticket stub to make sure he wasn't late for the previews.