Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
I think I would like some more lilacs, because they smell so good. I can plant them one by one all lining the sidewalk. When they bloom they will look as if they are marching, and when the neighbors see them, they will exclaim, " and I'll say, "Well, there's the Spam, egg, sausage, and Spam...
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
But there truly was a big sigh of relief followed by the idea of shoring up the outer wall with bits of furniture and old crates. Once the defensive perimeter was taken care of, I finally had a chance to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea and some biscuits. You Yanks across the pond call them "cookies".
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry,"
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. albeit feet-first. That took quite some time, but fortunately, they at least had an overstock of those little peanut snack bags to hand out to everyone.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
What to do? Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars. It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice. Their leader placed a salmon-pink square of floral embroidery on the table, her nails clacking the hard surface like the snap of a rib.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
But I just kept scrubbing with the bar of grit and learned online, I should be using my reading glasses.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch! As I held my hand to the hurty spot, all I could manage to say was I am ready for a real hamburger with all the fixings.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
What kind of hardware did you install in that monster? What were you going to do with 2 unhappy cats, hungry and hating the cat food you bought for them?
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
He then went back to playing his video game, and I was left to my own devices as far as getting the electricity going again in the house.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Ah, man.. I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery. It spoke no English, but followed orders well. He was also very mannerly. I could take lessons from him, because I want to change the name of this story to "Who's Sorry Now?!"When Xander heard that, he balled up his fist and smashed the walnut as hard as he could.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I thought it was pretty good advice to weigh the option of working in an air-conditioned environment, considering how hot the dishwashing water had to be; what would that be doing to the rats in the sewers? Well, for safety, they probably all clustered around a loaded shotgun.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby. Ohhh, poor little thing!
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
As a group, they ran ahead to lead me, looking behind every so often to be sure no roadrunners were following us.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I reached out to put the flowers atop the tombstone, only to find that squirrels had eaten them while I wasn't looking. So instead I placed a couple business cards.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Something that tastes this good should be offered in the Trump Tower restaurant!! I am sure Donald Trump himself would order at least five! Then arrange them attractively around the orange pools of grease that the pepperoni left behind.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm." Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say," WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni! They're delighted with the constant flow of free T-shirts, hors d'oeuvres, gift bags, and lanyards with name tags that say, "
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
So we immediately went loco. Smashing chairs, flipping over tables, drinking liquor after drinking beer, queuing up Taylor Swift songs on the jukebox, it was complete bedlam.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
The last time that happened, everything ended up pink. So, now we pre-treat the stains with a solution of water and detergent. Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Now what do we do?!?!?!? Well, we decided to find the long underwear which would help me build a pink fence around my two cows so they don't wander away from my base!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention." Confronted with a mob of irritated neighbors, I ran back into the house and packed!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Make sure you never tie a yellow ribbon 'round that old oak tree, because this is a Jonny Cash town, you hear? If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say " Merry Christmas!"
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
We positioned it right at the end of a row of green beans. !!! That way it will be super-easy to make tons of money selling homemade compost !! And that is what we advertise at our little roadside stand. We positioned it right at the end of a row of green beans.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds. Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit. Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
I was hoping to catch it before it fell into the raging river down below.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
More like Taitboys. Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I kept calling my smart phone from my land line just so I could hear it again and again !! Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
ME WANT COOKIE! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
They had all gathered to dump and spread the compost all over the ground. Obviously that will help improve the borders of the property by planting every 18 inches a small new sprout. So many new beginnings! It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics! But he was nervous! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Scary! Good thing I was not looking directly at it, and a good thing I was wearing my asbestos underwear! It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
They say the most important thing to consider when deciding to accept a new job is whether or not to include your brief stint as a soldier of fortune.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I got yer new year's resolution right here!!" I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific. For example, don't just say that you're going to lose weight. Say you're going to take a trip around the world !!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
I looked in the different drawers to find some and in my search I found ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around and around until it's good and tight.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
For a festive holiday fragrance, try cinnamon or balsam, but my favorite choice would definitely be soft amber lighting accented with rhinestones and gold leaf.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
It's a good thing I was wearing my boots. The cave floor was piled high with years of bat guano. The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
How did you get here? I bet you traveled on a expired visa!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
That would probably hurt. It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation! And for 3 weeks I had to wear an Ace bandage on my damaged vertebrae, which were partially crushed in a parkour accident two years prior.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent. he mumbled, with that repulsive but unplaceable accent of his, and his breath reeking of sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat. I shook my head, and shut my eyes and fell into a manhole!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
A nice, hot cup of tea, flavored with garlic. I thought, "That doesn't sound good for breakfast."
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
He gets into everything! One day he's building a house, the next day he's planting magic beans, the next thing you know he's carrying a pail of water up a hill !
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
I thought about selling it on Ebay, then decided I should have it hermetically sealed in a glass case for prosterity, but in a flash, it was gone; Xander had snatched it out of my hands and devoured it.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
What if we ran out of food?!! Would any stores be open? I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
It was a bunch of sticks of dynamite! Now how did those get in here? Well, they were in the way so I moved them next to my collection of Bunsen burners, candles, and fireworks. Next I got out the shop vac to try to scoop up that big puddle of spit on the desk where I apparently had passed out from exhaustion.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
(Muhahahaha) He also has another present hidden in the glove box of his car. Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Put them back into the empty egg cartons where they will be safe. Then put the egg cartons on top of the crates of rockets that we got from GI Joe's military surplus. For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
"NO WAY!" I retorted. "I don't want the malls to close until midnight! Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!" If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way."
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Clearly she wasn't sure what to throw away and what to keep. For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
"Hmm, he must have run out of TP and used this instead."
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
When we were finished we must have totaled at least 1000 kills in the 3 hours we spend running through the sewers. We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly. Better than perfect, in fact!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
What a relief! Then the next day I am ready to open fire with my thermonuclear missile pack. I activated the targeting mechanism, punched in the coordinates, and pushed the escape button over and over to no avail.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it. I then tried to decide what fertilizer to use.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart! she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth. he said as he pulled over, he took a big drink of Red Bull, burped, and he loudly exclaimed, "
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!" Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny. That's why I gave him a raise." When he heard the news, he fell forward on his desk forgetting that right in front of his face was his leftover lunch, a big bowl of candies for visitors to help themselves to.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Luckily, they had heard this brainteazor before, (or hopefully one of them was a good gueszor). "We accept your challenge!"
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
In moments like these, I'm sure glad I use Dial. Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Orrrder uuuuuup!" To which the manager, confused, replies, " Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
I had to squint to read the obiturary, but I managed to make out "squished by a giant pumpkin"! I shuddered; I now knew why I liked pumpkin pie so much. I could hardly wait to get back home so I could start making trouble for everyone.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
It's a little late to change course! The asteroid is too big. In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"Wow!" I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
"Hello, everyone, I'm Kent Mansley, and this is COOKING SHOW!! Today's show is brought to you by Squeesitout Pimple Cream! Make sure all your teenagers have a good supply, and are wearing this new hairnet. We all know that sanitation is very low priority around here, which is why your show is on suspension!"
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!! Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time. To do this, you just need a lot of patience. One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
My payback noise will surely make the neighbors feel sorry for me if they know they've been disturbing my nesting South American hens. They won't lay eggs with all this noise! When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight. I opened the window to breathe some fresh air, but all I could smell was bacon and coffee. That reminded me of when we went camping and we pitched the tent on the side of a hill: When it rained we started sliding down the hill and we landed in a cow patty.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
The vest, of course, is for protection. That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
And when you look into the mirror, you will be surprised to see a box of doughnuts on the counter! It's your reward for your great progress. Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It rattles. There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
But I was in for the surprise of my life. It all started the day my mechanic called to me, "Captain Mitchell, you had better put down that bottle of Tequila and come look at this."
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I hear those things can really mess you up. But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
(Hey, I was in a hurry!) Besides, it only cost 89 cents. And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back. Muhahaha! They'll never figure it out!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
It would be a better idea to just call Lowe's next time and have them do it - It'd be worth it! So, to those of you who choose to take on the challenge of putting up wallpaper - my advice to you is avoid putting a lot of holes in the wall, because that will only cause discoloration later.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again! Come on, we're almost finished! Just a few more nails into the roof shingles and we will be sure to use the right tool this time.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using. As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
"We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice. Fluff up our pillows! Don't you know who we are? a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Why would anyone want to eat eel? It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter. We're going for a minimalist look here: clean lines, neutral colors. So what do you think?" I looked around before answering, noticing some men standing outside the window.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
I exclaimed. She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time. You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks. I hate it when they serve me coffee. I wish they would go work at becoming more efficient at the cash register!" He, with furrowed brow, and she, petulant, continued to argue over which was the best sweetener.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
He will surely reward me with a big wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt, I look just like a bunny rabbit! Hop, hop, hop!"
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
We got all-black clothes, work gloves, and a 10-foot-long boa constrictor which was slowly and methodically wrapping around every square foot of cellulite.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, " All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time?
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Me thinks in our midst we have a genuine emergency! The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas. How lilting was the music. It made me want to change into a tank top and get a cold drink.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight! "Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
The glass and steel facade of the Acme Modeling Agency was stark, but beckoning in a sophisticated way.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
That will help you smile and feel so special! That's such a relaxing and beautiful big pouffy couch. Come and sit on it, and you will feel the stress leave your body quickly.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
In fact, you may find that the selection of 2x4s has way too many knots in it. In which case, you should start over. As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
And that's when you'll need a tongue depresser and flashlight in order to look down your nose at people who weigh more than you do! God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same. Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods?
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand. The swimming pool will go there, the miniature golf course there, and the toolshed had to be demolished to make room for the new inground swimming pool which would be reinforced with steel, 3 inches thick.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Paint, easels, brushes were all flying out the window and straight into the exit tunnel!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
What a prize! I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours. At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry. So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards. banner. It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest. Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home. My home, seen only in faded memories after all those years... We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity!
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We would need a lot of sacks this year and big ones-- big enough to hold all the money people were giving us. Money money money. We took some of the money and used it for wiping up the spoiled milk in the back seat. Boy, did it stink! It smelled like the driver must be a smoker.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
I thought it was worth a try, so I plugged in some batteries and turned it on. Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!"
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
If we're going to regain any shred of respect we're going to have to take a stand! Together!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Each one weighed 200 pounds! Everyone who saw them were amazed, but many couldn't help whispering to each other, " I surely would like a taste of that there apple pie! I know it will be a blue ribbon winner.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom. Needless, to say, all the sound equipment was choked with papers that had been discarded right out the window. They lay in wet piles atop the sewer grates, and rats slithered out and began to dance on the grates!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
What those vegans need are some good old pork rinds deep fried in lots of bubbly champagne. See, if you drink enough champagne, you forget you're on this lousy vegetarian diet, and you're free to create stupendous sculptures made from multicolored tofu.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets. Security measures, you know. So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie."
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I felt much better about the whole situation now that the lands no longer lived under the tyrannical ravages of the Minotaur King, the people would be free to laugh out loud, sleep in on weekends, and eat dessert at any time of day!
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Now, YOU'RE gonna pay!" I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves. As the dust settled and my panic eased, I calmly put my .357 Magnum back in its holster and continued my search for stuffed moose heads to hang on my office wall.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
They were all holding uzis! The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater. We will swim to that shark cage, get in, lock the gate, and wait anxiously for nightfall. I'm exhausted!" Trying to keep up with Lance Armstrong is just impossible!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
They're missing! The sargeant will have our heads in we don't find them! Man! They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!" As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms. When he finally found the cash register, he looked at it and exclaimed, "
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
What a mess they make! Well, here's another bucket of swill for them...Splash! And I think I will also add some corn to the pig's food. They seem to like that. But they don't seem to care much for city folk. They were always coming around here, blabbing about how much nice it is up north, where they have eaten the grass right down to the bare ground.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
We had to clean it off before it attracted more predators. We found a stream, and carefully waded into it.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
You can use it for digging up earthworms. You know those slick wiggly creatures that are so good for the soil. Why in only one hour they can process 50 pounds of superb cedar mulch.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"We have a very serious problem the trucking company just delivered 500 pounds of pork chops to the Jewish banquet hall. There is pandemonium over there, and right now we are in dire need of a plan, a strategy, to bring down the tyrannical International Village, despite our being heavily outmanned and outgunned."
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
his friend said. "You must really like french fries! But over here we call them pommes frites, and we like to smother them with sauteed onions. It just doesn't get much better than that!
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I want a Brown Mule. Let's go find an ice cream freezer in this place, and look in it to see if we can find some quarters so we can play a few final video games before we have to go."
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
"But I don't LIKE Spam!" "That's OK, I've lost my sense of smell. I cannot smell anything. Why anymore, I cannot even smell my own butt since I sat in a bunch of flowers all day!" So we took the flowers and stuck our noses in them in order to hide the poopy smell that was all around us.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I don't wanna got to Iraq! I'm scared!" the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
I asked, drooling. he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
They were always one step ahead of us, always anticipating a gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going."
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!" We had to use a submarine to get to it. None of us had ever driven one before, but the tunnel was easy to drive through because there were all kinds of lights and even air conditioning.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
It's our only chance!" We all looked at each other and silently agreed to lie down and take a nap in the shade of the old oak tree. He cried in anguish, "Can't you see we're trapped? It's our only chance!" We all looked at each other and silently agreed to lie down and take a nap in the shade of the old oak tree.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
I think you should focus on your breathing. That is an excellent way to direct energy. Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air. Bonnie immediately began stuffing more explosives into the fireplace and said "I feel less stressed already!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
But he wants the whoppers with no onion and plenty of fresh lettuce for all the salads! That was the part I hated the most. Chopping lettuce. I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Parsley isn't given nearly enough press for its natural, chemical-free breath-freshening qualities. Just be sure to brush your teeth after, though, the dark green bits between her teeth showed up in the camera shot. Oh no! And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!" He stealthily lunged out from under cover, and they immediately began shooting 360 degrees around their location, blowing away over half the threat in the first 4 seconds.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Whatever you choose you must be willing to keep what you buy for at least a decade. Greg couldn't believe his jail sentence would be that long, but considering the number of his convictions, he knew he had jail time ahead.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Now what?!! "I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits. What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is. Thusly donned, they left--earning strange stares since the underwear was actually their outerwear.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
"So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals." "Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness. Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft. However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Standing in front of the new freshman class, the professor briefly studied each face. On some he saw expectation, on others he saw apprehension. But on one particular face he saw himself!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
"Woo baby!" Greg exclaimed as the speedometer passed 120. His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures. Therefore I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good.