Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
I am sure we will be able to find a place to eat, but will any place be open at this time of night?? Hey, there's always Waffle House. And thinking of that, what does a dog like to eat for breakfast?? Woofles and Pooched Egg'! what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Infuriated, he snorted, and the breath was visible in the cold air. The hills echoed with his bellow of rage, and remnants of soft verses of Psalmic peace. I was at a loss.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
We apprehensively and slowly pulled back a drape and saw to our wonderment and dismay a large thunderstorm right in our path!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I mean brine roast the turkey...too LONG !! We would have to go the tried and true route which was to pack it full of apples and hope for the best.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
And he doesn't know a thing about software unless it is his mitered hat, but that is kinda stiff. And shelves? He never puts anything away. Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens??
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
sometimes I want to hug somebody. And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. We steeled our resolve and And? And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. It would have been a terrifying sound at any time, but hearing at 3am was the worst.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
As usual, it was the simplest solution which made the most sense. The fear in our hearts diminished somewhat as each of the treacherous Kiwis was pushed into the holding zone.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
She asked, "How do we know this robo-vacuum will do any better a job than the last one?" I said, "This one costs twice as much. I would certainly expect it to be much better. After all, you get what you pay for." She shook her head and said, "That's not always did the cat treats work.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
And now you know why this IHOP menu is framed and hanging on the wall. A bit of a lunkhead friend, though, considering when I asked him to give us an autograph, he grabbed the nearest thing to do it on. And now you know why this IHOP menu is framed and hanging on the wall. But he was also my friend.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
We raised our glasses and forgot all about the present wrapping, and joined in with singing and dancing.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Countless branches were scraping me, leaving thin, red trails across my arms and face. Still, I ran on. I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
He'll probably say, "You dunderhead! Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" Now what? Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player. I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated. But how to get rid of it? !! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Anyway I also thought Bill Miller's Barbecue might be a good place to work. Certainly the smells there would be delightful! Wow! Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs?? But this is an important decision, so I'll keep thinking. There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I got concerned so I called animal control services. When they arrived, they quickly put the fire out that was creeping toward the stump grass. And it's a good thing they did, because if they hadn't done so, and quick, we all know what would have happened.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
The Shadow knows. He also knows where all the best cookie crumbs are! the whole family had to move. So be very, very careful never to leave a trail of crumbs to your bedside!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
So I picked up the tick and carried it to the entomology lab for analysis. There, I was greeted by a flock of trained roadrunners!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
What to feed them??? I know! We can give them bowls of scorpions! We scooped them up during our daily desert hike. The sneaky bastards tried to sting us but we were too smart for them.Once we had about 50 of them, we were ready to proceed.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable. And isn't that part of the fabric of life? Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Not me! I always like to sit down in a peaceful place to eat my pizza. But it is okay to have some background music like the theme music from the movie, "
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun! And just in time, too. Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there. Other than that, who would be there? Maybe some hopeful whiners and a few frowning judges. It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave! Xander's new home and everyone in the dorm gathered there to eat fresh bread and butter. !!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
They were unfortunately unimpressed, and said haul that big garden cart over here! We are going to hose water into it and then fill it it with ice. Turn on a high-powered fan and aim it toward my neighbor's open back door.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
That's the second stump vine to die this season. I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental! Should I sell everything and buy all new there or rent a moving van? I asked the head of NASA for advice, and thoughtfully, he advised me to spead the word about this legendary plant.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
So I went shopping and bought 5 boxes of dye. The 5 colors I picked were black, navy blue, charcoal gray, gray, and maroon. There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Would we be even able to get out of the house?? We went to look for the snow shovel, but instead found the manhole cover that had been lost for two months!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Then, nonchalantly Bonnie walked out of the airplane and down the ramp. When she got to the bottom, she dug in the sand with her hands, feverishly trying to find the return plane ticket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Stop looking at my bum and get on with your work!" "Do you think I am a GARDENER???
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl. Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses! Leaning in close, she could see tiny maggots !
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
band. I first heard about them when they appeared as my Wiki Word of the Day. Another stupid bunch of words. Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !! But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Don't be surprised if you find yourself by asking hard questions, not taking anything at face value, exposing yourself to new experiences, and at every opportunity, enjoying a big bowl of homemade potato salad.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
!! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
We are all getting tired of this continual harassment. And make sure you tell him to bring exact change.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place. I'm tired of people wasting time watching stupid reality shows.. Give me a break! Isn't real life reality enough? Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Unperturbed, I instead presented him with the business end of my shovel, and I washed the dirt off with a scrubbrush and hot soapy water.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Everything is so cold, so frozen, so depressing! I need to travel to a warm clime, and bask in the humid warmth of the American South.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Peruse the aisles and be sure to pick out lots of fireworks to launch at random people and scare the daylights out of them! "Hahaha! I got yer new year's resolution right here!!" I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Well, say you resolve to go jogging every morning. You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference! Good for you! Keep up the good work! You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Chop! Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses. Or was it maple syrup?
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Hopefully we would get some fresh water out of this. Skeptically, I lifted up tile after tile from the floor and underneath I saw a great deal of cat hair, all matted together into a gluey fabric reminiscent of the feeling you get while watching episodes of "This Old House."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
It's a trick to get the lights lined up just right, but when you do, the results are two thumbs with far too many blisters, and a back with far too acute an angle. I suppose I had to work this week. Dragging myself from my warm nest of sheets, I reached over to turn off the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Bed Warmer.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet !
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars. So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices. This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
That's why when there's a new game coming out that I want, I always get scared if I'm approaching a shadowy corner. I'm very cautious in that case because I really don't want for a dinosaur to eat me.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
A bad one. So bad, that I wanted to dump my popcorn on the floor, but instead I decided to run as fast as I could!! I ran so far I got lost. I didn't care, I was finally able to lift my shoes from the sticky coke residue on the floor, and I put them on top of the stack of 16mm movie reels that I stole from the projection room when nobody was looking!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent. he mumbled, with that repulsive but unplaceable accent of his, and his breath reeking of sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat. I shook my head, and shut my eyes and fell into a manhole!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
They were everywhere! They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
HEY!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
He gets into everything! One day he's building a house, the next day he's planting magic beans, the next thing you know he's carrying a pail of water up a hill !
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Suddenly a riot ensued, and someone called the geology professor. Considering his knowledge of continental drift, they must have thought that he had a colonic explosion !
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
"I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag. I was scared that in it would be a basket of fruit. like a nice day at the beach with relaxing waves, shimmering sunlight, and lots of ketchup for the French fries.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Next I got out the shop vac to try to scoop up that big puddle of spit on the desk where I apparently had passed out from exhaustion.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
He had a bad habit of eating too much pizza before I go to bed... Then you know what happens!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Then put the egg cartons on top of the crates of rockets that we got from GI Joe's military surplus. For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket. There was a lot, but I managed to get it all stuffed in.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
What I needed was a big eagle's feather! That would look so cool on my hat. I got on the internet and ordered one from this company called " The Joke's on You, LLC." They specialize in sneaky stuff like letting the air out of the sweatband of the hat where I found a secret note!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil. Within moments they were fast asleep, and I was able to turn flips so fast that we could not keep our eyes focused; nor could we show our face in Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I decided to get a second opinion. The new doctor examined me, and with a big smile on his face, said to me, "
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach. But he wouldn't be staying there for long. With a single punch, Abiathar managed to finish his mission and start a new one, which was to rescue a mad scientist and kill all the lights before he made his big debut.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight. Because it's Bob Vila: The Game. If you get enough points you can upgrade to a laser level, which lets you upgrade your hero another level without having to restart the level every time you died.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
This calls for action! So I mixed up a poison solution and poured it on the fire to put it out! That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart!
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Eventually they drifted to a dead stop, out of gas, low on oil, and right in the middle of a speedtrap!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Bubbling vials, Jacobs Ladders, and incomprehensible surgical tools everywhere added to the effect.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr. Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective. we snarled informally.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
I could hear the sound of sleigh bells coming from the roof! Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus???
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
He shouted, " You're no match for our shoulder-mounted quantum rocket launchers!" Without further ado or hesitation, he pulled out his Equalizor, opening very carefully the hatch, and peering in; there seemed to be a strange odor drifting out. In fact, it actually smelled like fertilizor!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We could see the entire auditorium from here, as well as mink coats, diamond tiaras, and fancy tuxedos trimmed with mistletoe and holly. Oh! What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
She wasn't paying attention and drifted into the oncoming lane! We were going to collide head-on!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, " Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you go and leave us alone?
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
BAM! He slapped a $500 dollar bill on the counter. "Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Then all the seeds and pulp I threw into the back of my Dodge Ram pickup truck. What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean? "Well, not exactly..." I said. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about. There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Well, let's just say I was completely mortified and felt a burning desire to shove the monitor off the table and just leave.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Next, chop the garlic into tiny bits at least small enough to fit into a cupcake holder! You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music. Boy, do I hate it! Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Well, safer, anyway. There's no telling what we will do if we start down that mountain and our brakes give out! We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area. Of course, while we're there, we'll check out the local caves.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun! The excitement was electric! Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Clean water is so important, we should all do our best not to waste it. All it takes is some education, some motivation, and some creativity, and we'll all have good water for many generations to come.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
And when you look into the mirror, you will be surprised to see a box of doughnuts on the counter! It's your reward for your great progress. Now go ahead and make my day! Shoot me with your water gun that I know is really filled with great tips on maintaining your new weight.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It feels SO GOOD to relax now and do my yoga exercises! I am so limber I bet I could put my foot under my bra. I didn't have a pocket so that's where I kept the money from the yardsale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Let's see what happens if I push it! Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
Only problem now was the fact that scratching the rash had left me with less than $5 in my pocket. I could not afford to have them do that diagnostic test, so I told him, "That's okay, I probably don't need both kidneys. I'm not very big so I must not have that much blood to filter, right?"
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo. Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
I was going to need a lot more spit to get this job done. As I prepared the next strip, I suddenly has the urge to pee.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
"I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
well, you know the rest of the neighborhood will shortly know all about it if you tell her. Her favorite thing to talk about is how she's going to marry that new recruit that she met from talking to on the phone, if they survive the latest mission, that is."
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen. And it seemed to be getting closer! It might just be a squadron of Zentraedi fighters, looking for easy human prey!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Others glory in it, and freely share their personal joys. For example, while having fries at the fast food restaurant, I might lean over to my friend and share this insight about myself: "I'm not in it for the fries, I'm in it for the KETCHUP!"
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show. I have staff who will divide the German blood sausage into enough pieces so that everyone can have at least a Eastern European immigrant would have more good taste than the fresh-faced yahoos we've been putting on this show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
You'll see what I mean after you blow your nose a few times. I know you will sound like a foghorn, and that will mean that you will need to put some totally awesome detailing on your car. We're talking flames comin' out of the freakin' wheel wells, a Confederate flag on either side, and the hood a big ol' skull ring -- solid silver!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Then she asked for some lemon for her tea! Incredulous, I asked her, with sarcasm, " You want fries with that?" She gave me such an evil look, that I really wanted to give her a chance to make better hot chocolate than the swill she had been serving. I told her, "You have to SMILE at the customer!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Scraping them off was out of the question, so the best thing we could think to do was pry them off with a crowbar, clean them up and stew them. Well anyway I was ready to play shuffleboard! So when I asked the recreation director where to go, he told me to go jump in the lake.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
"Quick! You stop traffic while I wash this man's windshield! He will surely reward me with a big wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt, I look just like a bunny rabbit!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident! That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
There was utter pandemonium until Mr. T. 's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, " All your base are belong to us, make your time!"
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Me thinks in our midst we have a genuine emergency! The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I woke up to the sunbeams streaming through the slats of the window blinds. Something was different this morning...was it...quieter somehow...yes, the hum of the air conditioner was gone!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
There was so much to choose from, she let her stomach do the talking so she picked the one with chocolate sprinkles. Then she got a large mocha latte and headed for the checkout counter, loaded with gift selections. En route, we stopped at Arby's to eat. Unfortunately the sandwiches were cold and tasted old.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
She must weigh close to 350 pounds. But that's OK. that's right... Perfect! She's a door. The next girl can pose on this poof chair. It is shaped like a high-heeled shoe.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Obviously I was going to have to figure this out for myself. i before e except after c...
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
one student asked. "I don't know, let's taste one and see. Yummy! They are still good after all these years! Give one to the director.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
See, once you get the idea, you'll understand you can't live on rice cakes and water. And that's when you'll need a tongue depresser and flashlight in order to look down your nose at people who weigh more than you do! God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same. Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods?
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall! "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
he said, his breath knocked out all the windows in the art studio. Paint, easels, brushes were all flying out the window and straight into the exit tunnel!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours. At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry. So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Before most of us even had a chance to warm up and get going, one of the scouts was back with fantastic news. The rain of the night before had stranded several earthworms on the sidewalk! We got right to work cleaning our whiskers after eating all those fish heads.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow! Those girls are wearing bikinis!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Then he would celebrate with a big scream, which merged into tears which shot straight out for four feet, and led to snot rivers from the nose to the chin. When this happens, you can't get a word in, so your best strategy is to put on your ninja mask and draw your ninja sword.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast."
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
His pasty yellow reptilian bulk towered over 8 feet tall. When he saw the Hulk he lost his cool and started sniveling and crying.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
We didn't know quite what to do. So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu. Next on the agenda was the Annual Potholder Fair, held every year, where the parents had a potholder-making contest, the winner being presented a trio of woven friendship bracelets.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!" Insane with panic, I grabbed the blue ribbon watermelon and threw it as hard as I could at the red-faced perpetrator.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
And then, it was time for an ad. A man appeared holding a microphone in the face of John Kerry so close that his nose was almost all the way to the back of his head!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
I need a pilot! Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over. Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Let's use this Spanish-English dictionary to figure out what the heck they're saying! I have no idea how to get to the Transportation Museum. I want to see the Pullman cars again and sit on the sofas made from styrofoam and gasoline.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
"How beautiful are the deep pools of blue that are your eyes. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie." (SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side. He howled, more in anger than pain for nothing could make a person madder than a knock on the nose.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
There had to be some here somewhere. And then I saw it: THE most tacky lamp I have ever seen! Of course I had to buy it! It would be the perfect gift for my pet gila monster, Scalie. Scalie loved gifts like this! She usually ate them. At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater. We will swim to that shark cage, get in, lock the gate, and wait anxiously for nightfall.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!" You'll won't do me in with that heater!" He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
The fat seemed to absorb the knockout juice. But we succeeded when we gave him a big dose of what for! we chortled. "Next time you'll know better! Now y'all get on up-par and feed the horses." Dad only made us work half-days. It didn't matter to him which twelve hours it was. Next we had to kill the hogs to make bacon and sausage.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Ethan wanted to make scrambled eggs with them, but Xander yelled "NO! If we do that we might not survive the night! No. We've got to conserve our ammunition, collect what food we have left, and prepare to broil some tasty dinosaur patties.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
So I grabbed a hand hoe and started hacking at it. No interlopers in this garden! You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like. It looks like a cross between a marigold and a dandelion. If you see one of these, pull it up! It's a weed. So stomp on it!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
She grabbed them and shook them. And then ran. Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud. That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang. Bonnie put on her leather jacket and her leather gloves; also her leather helmut, but around her neck she carefully wound a psychedelic silk parachute, which she used to land at Daytona Beach in the middle of about 100 bikers, with great fanfare.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
We can just hold our breath. they jumped into the car and drove to the museum. They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum! Even though it was just the skeleton, somebody was scared.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
She wanted to, but couldn't. Tears filled her eyes and she turned and began to run away. Go ahead!" She wanted to, but couldn't.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world! then do 500 more...
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
"You gonna eat that?" I asked, drooling. he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something. Here, rinse it off with this sprayer.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
But the mice hate it. The mice also hate it when their fur is rubbed the wrong way. Fortunately for them few creatures including humans ever get the chance to do this. Only one person is the exception to this rule, and that person would be Mr.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
This crazy Mexican food is flowing through me like a dirt river." I just must remember next time to bring more Immodium A-D.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I said, "Why don't you shnie that light over here? I am afraid I am going to fall into a dead end! Stunned with discouragement, no one spoke for a few moments. "I wish we had a stereo. Then we could listen to tunes while waiting to be rescued."
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that. I realized this was a good opportunity to get out of there, so I quietly nudged past the jostling, shouting crowd, resisting the temptation to tear out the pages of the 1500-page unabridged dictionary and start making ragged origami with them.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
I just can't help it. I get all teary-eyed; and then I start to wonder why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green? Why--"
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
That keeps them crispy, all the better to accent the main entree. You will also come to realize the customer wants a dozen whoppers, a dozen fries, and a dozen Dr.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs. More people should be aware of the benefits of tending a garden and growing your own begetables.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
He found himself in the middle of a big pile of threadbare blue mats. he exclaimed. "How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!"
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
But he decided he needed help, so he asked a group of socialist insurgents to stop making so much racket and go buy them lunch. In exchange, they agreed to exchange insider information, hoping that the authorities would never find out.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
the officer replied, "It's the illegal immigrants, the aliens, we give them to. They bathe in artificial dihydrogen monoxide which was produced in a laboratory manned by hyper-intelligent mice.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!" The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
This time the judge actually intervened, calling for a brief break, giving him time to steer the ship through the minefield. There were a few close calls, but after about 20 tense minutes she gave up.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
"I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you?
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased! He spent most of the time talking about himself. As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Now they would all be rich! They could buy whatever they wanted! They would never be poor again! And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.