Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! which reminds me I haven't eaten a meal yet today. Hmmm... I think I would like some more lilacs, because they smell so good.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Just 2 more weeks and we will have an extra hour of daylight! I welcome that as much as I welcome having more hours of daylight to work outside in the yard, there's also something to be said for the comfort of a sherpa blanket. It is so cozy and wraps you in fuzzy warmth and makes you feel as if you might not have washed these pants as well as you should have.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
OooOOooOOoo. They also complained last week when I took my trash to the dump, I ran into an old friend, who enthusiastically said to me, " This kind of lichen is edible! Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. albeit feet-first. That took quite some time, but fortunately, they at least had an overstock of those little peanut snack bags to hand out to everyone.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
After about 8 hours, the turkey was halfway cooked. We were starting to get ravenous, waiting around getting hungry.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Plethora. No, it's a word that means a tornado probably came though overnight. Judging by the debris all over the front porch, I knew the next thing to do would be to install a charcoal filter.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
It was right now! I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards. With windblown hair and feet planted firmly on the foam-washed rocks, one of them gazed out at the surf and said, "Thanks to all of our diligent analysis, the administration of this plan will assure the survival of humanity for many generations!"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
And now you know why this IHOP menu is framed and hanging on the wall. A bit of a lunkhead friend, though, considering when I asked him to give us an autograph, he grabbed the nearest thing to do it on. And now you know why this IHOP menu is framed and hanging on the wall.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
When the martini glasses were all empty, we washed them with our carpet shampooer. That thing has really come in handy! After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river. Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Night was falling, so in the morning they would check the weather report and then decide how to split up the gold. It was probably fair to divide it evenly amongst the group, but Greg is definitely the strongest and would probably contribute more to global warming or maybe even global cooling.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
But how to get rid of it? !! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Anyway I also thought Bill Miller's Barbecue might be a good place to work. Certainly the smells there would be delightful! Wow! Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs??
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
We protected our eyes and ears with homemade insecticide, made with vinegar, water, and a tablespoon of Miracle-Gro should do the trick I also thought a little pruning would help, so I pulled out of my pocket my pair of tweezers.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air. Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on! Let's all celebrate and have a good time!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They replied, "We achieve it by a combination of blister cream and bandaids. And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums."
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
Enjoy your time there, but there's more! Right across the street was a dog kennel for stray dogs of all sizes. I walked across and peeked through the fence and saw himself! They had lined their entire property with mirrors! "How strange," I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable. And isn't that part of the fabric of life? Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
But it is okay to have some background music like the theme music from the movie, " Saturday Night Fever"--it makes you want to dance, but you wouldn't admit to your high-society friends that you like it.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun! And just in time, too. Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions. Excellent! Now we're stocked up for some New Year's Eve stompin' noisy fun!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO! WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?!" Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say,"
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Where was that coming from? !!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots! Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave! Xander's new home and everyone in the dorm gathered there to eat fresh bread and butter.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Then it was cooler because we switched the fan to counter-clockwise, and that made us feel sleepy. So we immediately went loco. Smashing chairs, flipping over tables, drinking liquor after drinking beer, queuing up Taylor Swift songs on the jukebox, it was complete bedlam.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use. For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together! When I took them out of the washer, they were all the color of a cloudy winter sky. Now, the only solution would be to tie-dye everything !
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash! Get cartons of them at Costco and store them in shoeboxes which were then shoved under the bed, next to the pile of slush the dog fell into! it was actually mighty spicy!! However, I must add more hot if I'm going to have a snowball fight, I need to build a fort!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket! And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!! her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Everyone loved the red and yellow ones. Maybe it was because their kitchens were so well-organized.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while. Soon, you will feel focused and relaxed and ready to go out the front door to my new life! So I put on my hat, opened the door, walked out on to the front porch, and stepped into a new suit!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Sweating, I said "Give me that package!" But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too? I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds. Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Creeping forward, he spotted a fire ant hill right in his path !! Oh no! So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion. It was amazing to watch. Mesmerized by the sight, we found a place to sit down quietly and stared intently at the small entrance.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Spray it with a mixture of epsom salts, garlic juice, and a little bit of crushed eggshells. Tamp down the tourniquets I had to put on my arms after accidentally slicing them with the trowel. Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Which he did, and amazingly, nothing happened. As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
That'll teach 'em! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I'm tired of people wasting time watching stupid reality shows.. Give me a break! Isn't real life reality enough? Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I need to make special cupcakes for a coworker's birthday. So, I decided to use paper liners this time, because the last time I didn't, and add any baking powder, so when I took them out of the oven, they looked like they would be delicious! So I got all the ingredients out of the cabinet and promptly swirled the pink icing all over the tops.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water. My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone! Why is the eggnog always gone? Why is the New Year's number always depicted as novelty eyeglasses?
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot. From there they will be handed out to homeless people. What will they do with them? Obviously, they will put them in the refrigerator asap. Chop! Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol. As they jumped into the pool, the spray stung my eyes and my nose! Blind and coughing, I flailed around, reaching for the plunger, I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, and put all my strength into crushing the walnuts with my bare hands....
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
However, as he stepped over the threshold, he stepped into a cave. He could see tunnels to the SOUTH and NORTH beneath his torchlight. Behind him was sunlight. He checked his INVENTORY.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint. I can see how that would help, considering I had lost my contact lenses.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
I was the admiral of the first fleet to set off into the universe's darkest corners, and as the one in charge, I needed to handpick my coworkers.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Why if I had not been concentrating, my handsome hero would surely have fallen into debt. Video games are expensive, especially if you buy them when they first come out, or even pre-order them.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Wow! I just saw the BEST movie of all time! Only, I don't think anyone else understood why I went to the movies even though I was blind! They didn't realize that my excellent sense of hearing allowed me to pick up even the slightest nuance of sound, and my vivid imagination I never would have guessed she would DIE from it!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles. It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
The heat that radiated from their cavernous maws surged over us like a hurricane of pain. We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure. Nearby there was a lurking police car.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
HEY!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Warm milk goes down like silk. But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
We heard a terrible noise and looked out to see a bunch of dudes sitting around eating beans. They were scarfing them down by the bowlful. Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Get organized! Go for gold! With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium. That's why he put all his underwear into zip-lock bags.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
But it so happens that actually works out better, because Waffle House is open 24 hours! Even on Thanksgiving! Now doesn't a bacon Philly cheesesteak sound good right now instead of an ol' plastic one. This is the time to break out the nice tableware!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
That's not champagne. It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
I had dozens of them, piled everywhere! They smelled like rotting potatoes. It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us. when you used it. The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb. Don't you know how to do anything?!!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
oh, you know. You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat. When you see them coming you must floor it! "Eat my dust, turkeys!"
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
So I added a whole line of new models of subcompacts. They're inexpensive, have great fuel economy, and just as importantly you must have lots of sunflowers. It is also important where you place them: only put them back in the grave where they belong.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
We put them just where they belonged: in your face, boy!! IN YOUR FACE!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Our story begins on a windy and cool, but bright, February day. This story is about a brown hat. Not just any brown hat, mind you, but specifically it was really a purple hat that was needed. So we walked to the Beatific Bonnet Boutique, looked in the window, and saw just what we wanted: a winning lottery ticket!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Cheese again, not after the last debacle. That was something else. It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Now all of Paragon City was in jeopardy as the Destructotron unleashed its pulverizing power to such an extent that all the Outcasts found themselves knee deep in muck in Perez Park.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
If you get enough points you can upgrade to a laser level, which lets you upgrade your hero another level without having to restart the level every time you died. You could reload, jump to your feet, and with all my new armor I would be invincible!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds! The packet I needed was still in the garage in the bucket next to the burning pile, where I throw all the weeds and pine needles and other detritus that needs to get burned up.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink! I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice. It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
They were pretty sure though that the X-ray would show the presence of decades-old cysts the size of walnuts. They were everywhere! had to write out a final will and testament. He gravely wrote, "I, being of sound mind and body, do hereby express my wishes in this last will and testament."
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
One day the boss looked over my shoulder and started laughing hilariously, and then he bellowed, " I'm starvin'! I ain't had nuthin' to eat but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days! Why can't we have more toilet paper in here? Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
We were so happy to get the job finally finished, that we proclaimed a toast to be buttered and jammed in her honor. It became the Christmas Toast. We put it in hyperdrive and watched with glee, when it started to spark and sizzle from all the electricity coursing through it.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Come appraize my house, and bring your 5 clipboards! "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied! Now all that was left to do was to put a new CD in the stereo that had been playing all the music all along.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
That was a bad idea, because we landed headlong in a deep ditch full of soupy mud! I couldn't help but shut my eyes tight as our speeding car swerved completely off the prescription medication he had been taking to calm his nerves. That was a bad idea, because we landed headlong in a deep ditch full of soupy mud!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go! The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor. He had already asked me for a refund. "Why?"
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Well, think again!! The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill! NOW!!!" But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, "
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy. Why, just last year, we brought home enough pumpkins to make lots of pies. When we counted them we ended up with 1,416 pumpkins.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake?
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do! I couldn't believe it!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened. duh...I don't know. It's a terrible thing to lose your train of thought in such an intense environment!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
And when you go be sure you ask the customer service person there, how to install a low-flow toilet.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in. It would take half the night to count all the coins! When it is time to go to the bank, I am sure we will NEVER MISS any of this stuff! It feels SO GOOD to relax now and do my yoga exercises!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
That's why you have to stir it it up, and the explosion was so BIG that I had to dive under a cloud was his nemesis, in a sneaky holding pattern. As soon as he saw him, he recognized him from his old high school days! Imagine seeing him again, here, after all these years!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
"Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said! Well, after hearing that, I was ready to sharpen all my pencils, and I discovered I need to go buy a new pocketsize spiral notebook and a black power cable.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Another thing I tried was screwing into the ceiling one of those screws with the ring, or eye, on the end, and threading string through it in order to tie it to a dumbbell. That will act as ballast, and prevent the cat condo from collapsing onto the cats!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
So, to those of you who choose to take on the challenge of putting up wallpaper - my advice to you is avoid putting a lot of holes in the wall, because that will only cause discoloration later.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
You make us feel inadequate and incompetent. Where's the positive reinforcement?" The space marine sergeant harrumphed. "Positive ree-en-forcement?! This ain't no namby-pamby country club! This is taking too long.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Or while ordering a big ice cream sundae, someone might conspiratorially inform the person making it, "I'm not in it for the ice cream, I'm in it for the fame!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
And a tattoo to match! and on the back it would say "got r00t?" Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties. We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
The biggest I've ever seen. In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder. "Where'd you get that bean?" I exclaimed.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I flew to Miami and boarded the beautiful liner with all the other baggage, getting stowed in the hold. The weather was balmy and perfect. It seemed a good time to take a walk around the deck and breathe in a lot of fresh fish!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
But he was going to try anyway, and to practice he was going to crash! "Quick! To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!"
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
In the first episode, Ren and Stimpy challenged Mr. T to a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish. There was utter pandemonium until Mr. T. 's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, "
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It was so beautiful and from outer space it looked even more chaotic. I don't know who, but someone needed to return to earth to get supplies. We were too quickly running out of everything: bottled water, powdered milk, and freeze-dried corpses of agents of years past. because we couldn't run the risk of any publicity.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Fanning myself and perspiring, I went inside to cool off. The A/C was cranked up (or is it down?), fortunately. I had some ice cream and once I was cooled off I ran back outside to warm up. Ah the warm desert air blowing from the west, bringing with it a great deal of heat.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Taking a deep breath, Jacqueline stepped over to the male model and adjusted his collar. Nice! But still, she really did want to do modeling herself. Sigh. I guess for now, it was all just a fantasy! She paused for a final jelly doughnut before entering the inner sanctum of the plush office where dozens of models were milling around, considering who would look best in which outfit.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
I would rather have a deadly attack robot! It would have to be at least 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide. And that is hard to find. To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Rare artifacts can fetch a healthy price on the black market, just like scarred old remnants of ancient civilizations. Everywhere was dust. Dust, dust, dust!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes! Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K. Just throw out all your mirrors, and get those Amusement Park ones that make you look fatter than you really are.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
It was beautiful! Shining through from underneath were rows and rows of seats for the home theater. We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Ah, the power coming out of my legs, my arms, my fingertips. If you could see my aura, it'd be white with fire and black with death. Death was the order of the day (I suppose you could call a hamburger and french fries that!) Anyway who cares?
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Finally Election Day was here! And early in the morning, all across the country, the vote counters were ready for the squads of illegal immigrants and communists to descend upon the voting booths, there to wipe down all surfaces with antibacterial scrub.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Always eating all their expensive IAMS and bowls of sugar! SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest. Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit. If they aren't stuck to the upholstery. If they are, we can try to use a high powered spray washer with a jet nozzle...or to blow his big hair dryer over the towel-dried car, for a final touch-up.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
I said to him, "My only problem is YOUR ugly face. Speak to the hand! Because I don't want to look at your last moments of life on this earth!" With that he opened fire and I dodged every bullet with great aplomb. Now I was really thankful for those ballet lessons.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
To look into those far corners, I think I will ask Mr. John-John, my special friend, what I should do...wait.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!" she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned. "Who, her?
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
she said, " I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride. Look, I have the ticket stub right here, next to my prize-winning apple pie. Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
He said that so loudly, I jumped. "Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!" "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'" He said that so loudly, I jumped. "Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
For dessert you get fruit salad sweetened with maple syrup (honey exploits bees). We don't eat meats! Can't you get that straight?!! It's been 4 stinkin' decades since we had meats! We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Mix it up real good, and boom! You have home-made napalm. I love the smell of cedar. You can just sit in the shade of the trees and enjoy the breeze and listen to the crunching of the tacos, the sloshing of the margaritas, and the sizzling of the fajitas.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble. We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you. The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it. So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
and there they are! Waiting for us....all squeaky clean and shining with colorful beads! It was just what I was looking for! It was so beautiful I couldn't take my eyes off it! The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Where are we going? To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China. Yes, that is a "must see". Also I want to swim in the Great Barrier Reef. I am sure when I am there I will see many architectural wonders.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
That's the way we do things around here. And sometimes I had to bash some heads to make it happen. someone yelled, "have you seen those platinum handcuffs that were in the display case?!!
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Now y'all get on up-par and feed the horses." Dad only made us work half-days. It didn't matter to him which twelve hours it was. Next we had to kill the hogs to make bacon and sausage.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
But suddenly we heard a loud rushing! Coming straight toward us was a giant footprint in the mud. I could have laid down in it and still had room left over. This did not bode well. The sun was sinking fast and we were running out of battery power.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
That's the price you pay for neglecting it or using cheap stuff for fertilizer! fertilizer. You can use it for digging up earthworms. You know those slick wiggly creatures that are so good for the soil. Why in only one hour they can process 50 pounds of superb cedar mulch.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
So he oiled his wheels adjusted his helmut and took off down the highway, 0 to 60 in 4 seconds! Wow, the thrill of it, the wind rushing by, the steady loud purr of the motorcycle. Noticing he was low on gas, he pulled in to a gas station. He filled up his gas tank and kept going.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
The forces of Hauptmann Gestapo were closing in, and Molly was really enjoying her Chinese Chop Suey.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
She wanted to, but couldn't. Tears filled her eyes and she turned and began to run away. Go ahead!" She wanted to, but couldn't.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
cried Ethan. "Xander, you already have two, and I have only one! I want one more chocolate cake!"
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
"But I don't LIKE Spam!" "That's OK, I've lost my sense of smell. I cannot smell anything. Why anymore, I cannot even smell my own butt since I sat in a bunch of flowers all day!"
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Sometimes I did anyway, and I paid sorely for it. Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
And enthusiastically reached all around each other, jumping up and down and laughing.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Isn't it wonderful, honey? I'm going to jail! Ha ha ho ho." At this, we slowly backed out of the room and ran lickety split down the hall yelling our lungs out, "Help!
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Well, just fill it up again. To accomplish this, one will have to accumulate enough borax to kill all the mice.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
Don't forget the food." So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up. What a relief! Imagine getting so sick on that food!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
This tunnel. It's stuck in some sort of space-time moebius strip, such that no matter how many times we go down it, we'll always end up back in the mine.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library? With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume? That'll liven things up around here!" Alas, every book in the entire library was checked out. Now what?! I guess we will have to go to the comic book store.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
You are so getting on my nerves! I think you should focus on your breathing. That is an excellent way to direct energy. Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Let you know how it feels. And so it was time to clean that greasy, baconbit-encrusted grill. First off, turn it on low, then squirt it with liquified meat product.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Grandma rose early in the morning and drank her coffee while she listened to the rooster crowing.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
In exchange, they agreed to exchange insider information, hoping that the authorities would never find out. However as soon as their buys went through, the Commissioner announced, " Batman. Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
the officer replied, "It's the illegal immigrants, the aliens, we give them to. They bathe in artificial dihydrogen monoxide which was produced in a laboratory manned by hyper-intelligent mice.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
No matter, after all, that's why you wear armor. It did not hurt at all, however, what did hurt was when I landed on my head in a huge pile of goo. Interestingly enough Sir Greg headed for the gallows with great trepidation. As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Lord Elsington. Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness. Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you? You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
As soon as it did, however, all the walls were teeming with cockroaches, crawling over each other, a sea of movement, all headed helter-skelter for the comic book shop, because the lateezt issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK was out!!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Once upon a time, there lived a giant computer. It was powerful. So powerful, in fact, So they went ahead and ran around the block fifteen times just to be sure.