Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Will we run out of time to catch the sunset. Phooey! Yes, phooey! Now I have to wait 23 1/2 hours to get to see the moonflower bloom!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
No one was able to react in time, and it landed, with a hollow skitter-clatter, on the tile floor, impossibly unbroken.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
The light was soft and gray, low in the sky. The snowfall of the previous days dampened the sound; there was only a slight rustling of tree branches as the wind brushed over the hills. The fresh cold air stung his nose as as he pulled up his snuggly warm scarf mask.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
albeit feet-first. I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. albeit feet-first. By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
No one invited you to this quilting meeting. Scram." The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars. It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
I work hard getting this grass just the way I like it, and now you're ruining it.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
The drones were coming, and their purpose was clear: To gather enough wood for a fire and to build a shelter. They got to work straightaway, searching for the lost key. If only they could find it they would be able to rescue the kangeroos trapped in the ancient ice house.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
He said, " it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
He had visions of staph infection permeating his body. I must take care of that he frantically thought!
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields? This was the moment of truth.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
It looked like a wall of glimmering water. We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite. What a strange taste, like nothing we had ever had before. And the texture was very light, like gossamer. Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I would end up calling the Alex Jones show from a hidden location, probably located a big pile of possum poop in a hidden corner. Yuck! Well at least it was all dried up and easy to sweep it into a dustpan and carefully dump it into the ditch by the road.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
After all I don't want hands that look like a pair of sunglasses! How fun!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
When they arrived, they quickly put the fire out that was creeping toward the stump grass. And it's a good thing they did, because if they hadn't done so, and quick, we all know what would have happened.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
But here's another question: if you've named a mouse Milo, can you ever set out a mousetrap for him? In his pathways, for him can you ever place a trap?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Well, like they say, when life hands you lemons, discard the lemons; make bacon. So I picked up the tick and carried it to the entomology lab for analysis. There, I was greeted by a flock of trained roadrunners!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
The light was brilliant! So bright I had to shield my eyes with my hands and with a soft folded napkin lovingly wrapped around, I placed the tombstone behind the fresh grave, as requested. A single tear traced a path through the dust on my cheek.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
These featured steel posts that would dig into the ice so you can melt the snow so you can flush your toilet! Too bad your electricity went off. To keep warm, you can wrap up in layers of warm clothing. And don't forget to put on deodorant because you don't know who you might run into.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Some people also like to add anchovies...ewww. Then there is the delicious fruit pizza! Sugar cookie crust with strawberries, kiwi fruit, pineapple all arranged in a pattern of pleasing proportions. The cheese should go on first, though. If you put the cheese on last, the vegetables will get sour and moldy if you leave them out of the frig too long.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, " BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! but then I realized he was listening to praise music on his earbuds and singing along.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Buy a dentist-approved toothbrush and a big tube of t-shirts to shoot into the crowd!"
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface? It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive. When she did, she immediately saw what I had been doing, and exclaimed, "These nails look like they've been through a shredder! Were you trying to scrape wallpaper off with them or something?
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard. A neighbor said I was using up too much sunshine. Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Now what do we do?!?!?!? Well, we decided to find the long underwear which would help me build a pink fence around my two cows so they don't wander away from my base! The last time they did that, they got incinerated by the laser turrets on Greg's base!!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
When she got to the bottom, she dug in the sand with her hands, feverishly trying to find the return plane ticket. It had disappeared ! Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I then went to library, found the most crowded reading room, and proceeded to bolster my confidence by encouraging myself under my breath.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
If only I had gone to a reputable mafioso, I would have been able to get a successful hit ordered for the guy who makes all the deliveries. They're so busy this time of year, one guy has to drive two trucks! but I had another secret credit card I could use.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
so we decided to get a second composter. We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Apparently someone doesn't know how to use a manual transmission. It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now ! He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose. sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray. I carried it over to the Speights to see what their opinion would be. And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
We can start a new contract for you and bill it to the nearest patriarch." Another important thing to think about is how are you going to protect your phone from accidental impacts? For that, you probably want to consider buying a 15,000 amp generator.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
So many new beginnings! It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
It sure tasted good! But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly! So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb. Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Good thing I was not looking directly at it, and a good thing I was wearing my asbestos underwear! It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays! Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
That's why we need to get a case of Champagne. When the crowd gets here, each person will be handed a bottle and with it they will proceed to decorate the room by sprinkling it everywhere: the carpet, the tables, the chairs were all covered with cat hair!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
What's that, you say? Well, say you resolve to go jogging every morning. You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
= Some guy in an elf costume! "HaHa! That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet! Some people think they are dead! But they're just acting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
I can see how that would help, considering I had lost my contact lenses. Down on my hands and knees searching for them I found instead two strange-looking rocks. I could tell they weren't from here, they looked like they were from another planet!!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
But the funniest suggestion of all was to don't even worry about it, just go ahead and take some time to consider who you want to take with you. Maybe one choice would be Mr.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
You know people really need those for seeing underwater. And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Oh my!!! What a garbled mess this has become!!! At least I was able to kill all the drop bears and goblins, well, sort of, I guess."
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
But when I did, he proceeded to buy advance tickets for EVERY opening show for the next year!!! The lady said, "That'll be $700!" He gasped, and reached for his can of mace!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
I shook my head, and shut my eyes and fell into a manhole! OOOH ! Fortunately, I landed on my feet on a big pile of money. I said "Gimme that money!" But he said, You are under arrest! Face down on the ground!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Yo, I couldn't wait to get home to play Ice Cream Tycoon! I pulled into the driveway, and in the moonlight I saw something shiny half-buried in leaves. I walked over to get a closer look, and punched him in the face!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack! He gets into everything! One day he's building a house, the next day he's planting magic beans, the next thing you know he's carrying a pail of water up a hill !
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Do they want to get punched? Do they want me bring the thunder? Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
like a nice day at the beach with relaxing waves, shimmering sunlight, and lots of ketchup for the French fries. Heck, I'll order some onion rings too. And for dessert, we wanted Royal Crown Colas and Moon Pies !! How delicious! But things don't always taste the way we remember them.... This time the Moon Pies tasted like sea urchin soup, straight from the set of "Iron Chef"!
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Even on Thanksgiving! Now doesn't a bacon Philly cheesesteak sound good right now instead of an ol' plastic one.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I couldn't make out the rest of the ad because tears had already begun to dissolve the ink, which ran like charcoal wisps of liquidated dreams down the face of the page. As I sat in the middle of the smouldering wreckage of my lab, I wept quietly to myself for a long, long time.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us. when you used it. The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb. Don't you know how to do anything?!! This is the way to do it: First, stack up the ammo boxes you have scattered all over the floor.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
On the way out, I accidentally tipped over the trash can and out spilled a whole bunch of jelly beans, which inexplicably caused an entomological cavalcade of roaches to march onto the counter.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package. When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!"
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Better than perfect, in fact!" The doctor beamed and said "Your vision is 20 over 200 and you are definitely a candidate for surgery. First into each eye we will put some Vicodin in your hand. A couple of these and you won't feel a thing! I should know, I use them whenever I am doing brain surgery.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Now all of Paragon City was in jeopardy as the Destructotron unleashed its pulverizing power to such an extent that all the Outcasts found themselves knee deep in muck in Perez Park.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle! This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres! I knew I had to think fast. ready! Let the battle begin! The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
This calls for action! So I mixed up a poison solution and poured it on the fire to put it out!
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart! she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares. "Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!" It was the worst jumble of all, so I hid under the table and waited patiently.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph. Well you'll never know unless you try! So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
I got the diagnosis back from the doctor... I was going to need surgery.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
It had been way too long since I had enjoyed their crusty planks of fried chicken from Long John Silver. I dunked them in a thing of tartar sauce, then demanded some pieces of carbon paper to make some old-fashioned copies of himself from the cloning machine!!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It was crunchy and really really tasty! I gathered up a few and put them in my pocket so I could give them to the police officer when he hauled me in for questioning before being charged with trespassing.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
we snarled informally. Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume. This will surely impress them! They'll be so impressed they will spew!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year. What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination".
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
In fact, it actually smelled like fertilizor! Confused, I said, " Please don't eat me! I promise to stay out of your way, and believe me, you'll never know that I used a degreazor! It looks brand new! It's so sparkly, it must be alive! I wondered what would happen if I touched it, so I did.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom. That restless sound soon reached the top balcony, where our VIP seats were. We could see the entire auditorium from here, as well as mink coats, diamond tiaras, and fancy tuxedos trimmed with mistletoe and holly.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
We bundled up and headed for the mall. But before we got there, we stopped at Starbucks to get revved up.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
I knew she was from Guinea, especially when she proceeded to order a Whopper...oops, this is McDonald's!!! Just a small faux pas, she thought. Well, think again!! The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
"Well, not exactly..." I said. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about. There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean? I think you should take a break now in order to crush those who oppose us." He then tried to use the cash register, but it exploded!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Make sure all your teenagers have a good supply, and are wearing this new hairnet. We all know that sanitation is very low priority around here, which is why your show is on suspension!" exclaimed Kent. "You can't be serious! I know positively that these eggs are fresh!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Next, I got the calendar and drew pictures of poop on every single day. You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic. The scintillating tones of Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven drifted with all their smokey offensive odor toward my patio!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
We might find some interesting local folks to talk to. They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
So don't worry about flushing the toilet. We can wear nose plugs and burn the leftover sludge, even though everyone knows a better use for it would be to put it into a bucket beside the commode.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
That's why I always go to the salad bar. Then I can pick out veggies that have the lowest number of meals per day. It's good to keep track of the total number of inches lost around the waist. Here, take this tape measure and see what your KNEES look like!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Those chilly coins were a problem though, so we stunned them with electric shocks. After that they didn't need to mow the lawn! The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
We would look out to the horizon and see all our parachutes flying out the window! OH NO! The noise of the numberless engines would shake the earth.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
stuff like tie-dyed T-shirts and also lots of beaded necklaces which he wore around his head. "Why are you wearing 3-D glasses everywhere you go?" I asked. "I'm only doing that today," he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM!
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
The doctor sighed and took out the tongue depressor and inserted it into the patient's file. "It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years." "What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back. Muhahaha! They'll never figure it out! They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof. They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
I was nervous and excited at the same time. First I assembled the tools and instructions, and then I took a dare and tasted the wallpaper paste.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I just stood there for a second because I was so amazed that a ruptured gas line could shoot flames that high!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Because I have short-term memory loss, you may even have to punch the button repeatedly to make it work, okay?" "Wait! Don't hang up! I want to be sure I got it. Just hold on a second while I answer my cell phone........oh, and now there goes my beeper!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning". immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
It is all over the place. Start wiping with this ring, I thee wed." And as the crowd watched breathlessly, she flicked her hair back, licked the lipstick off her teeth and proceeded to raise her middle finger for all to see and said, "If it weren't for me, I wouldn't be where I am today."
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference. (Crowd goes "Ooooh!) Also, I prefer to use a plastic spatula, as opposed to eating what you fix right in front of the audience.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I could never go through the whole day like this! So I headed for the rodeo.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She then quit, and got a job at the Farmer's Market selling vegetables. She smiled and said "Don't use that cream for your coffee, because I think it is time to switch to decaf!" She then quit, and got a job at the Farmer's Market selling vegetables.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Now bring me a mug of cold frosty beer! Wow, would that hit the spot!" He grinned with satisfaction at the thought of running up to that hoity-toity aristocrat woman and bumping her right into the pool.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Hop, hop, hop!" He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet. One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it. The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!"
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
All part of a balanced beam that came crashing through the front door. Lieutenant Leotard and his gymnastic Cadre of Doom were attacking the Mars Landing Base. Bam! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs. Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We're here to relax! Those beach balls are just too big! The pool isn't big enough ! and she pointed at a picture of the "Beef Stampede." We gasped; no one had ever managed to eat much at any of my Christmas parties; they mostly just wanted iced tea.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
To help me, I want to ask Mr. Trump if he will sponsor our expo. we'll be able to afford all the makeup we will ever need. And big mirrors too. When we look into the mirrors, we want to see a little more attitude. Show me that anorexic girl who came in a while ago.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive. And that is hard to find. To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
When I got there I saw pickup trucks coming and going all day long. So Lowe's decided to stay open until midnight to accomodate all the purchases! Actually, you may need TWO carts! In fact, you may find that the selection of 2x4s has way too many knots in it.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods? Point out to me what you are choosing: to live a normal life, or to waste away like an orchid in Death Valley. Because that's where you are, you know-- but try not to think about it. It's counter-productive. Stay focused on eating everything in sight.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
and this time, do it right. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Running as fast as he could, he yelled over his shoulder, "I've had enough of this!" Even louder, he screamed, " GET LOSE!! YOU CANNOT COMPARE WITH MY POWERS!!" As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!"
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
We should have plenty of coffee and doughnuts to show our appreciation for all the free handguns being handed out at the NRA rally!"
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
He soon heard that Spot next door was wearing a flea collar. What a wimp. Barrister has no use for such "jewelry". Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder! The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
If they are, we can try to use a high powered spray washer with a jet nozzle...or to blow his big hair dryer over the towel-dried car, for a final touch-up.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
The headache. The queasiness. The dizziness. Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse. "MO---om! Mom! Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold. It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!" Who knows how long that had been there! "That's disgusting!" I said. "We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner! Russell used some when he worked at Busch; let's call him."
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk. Being careful of the broken glass, I hurried to the comic book store to see if I made the cover of the new HULK SMASH!
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
In fact, to collect all the sticks needed, the teachers and parents had to come to some sort of agreement. The parents wanted some say in the content of the curriculum, while the teachers wanted a billiard table and a wet bar.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl. I looked down and could feel my breakfast coming up. I quickly leaned over and threw up, deftly avoiding potentially lethal food poisoning. Then I grabbed a ticket to go see the biggest cow on the planet.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!" "Are you ,"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
What those vegans need are some good old pork rinds deep fried in lots of bubbly champagne.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
The only thing this dish is missing is my face. Allow me to remedy this gross inconsistency at once. With that, I began devouring the comestibles with great vigor. "Gross is right, if you're going to put salsa on your breakfast burrito, the eggs should not be runny!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
"How beautiful are the deep pools of blue that are your eyes. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie." (SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Our quest to find the Minotaur King began uneventfully. We travelled several miles into the desert the first night, and found a cool oasis of palm trees and the sweet sound from a spring of bubbling hot water, perfect for relaxing after a workout.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I tried it out too. While I was whirling it around my waist, I started to feel nostalgia for the carefree days of my youth, once so far away, but now closer for seeing the whole collection of Scooby Doos all in one place was amazing! What a sight to see! I wonder if I could take them all home?
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course! It will be so cool to see from above the blackened scars in South America caused by the burning of the rain forests.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
When he finally found the cash register, he looked at it and exclaimed, " You'll won't do me in with that heater!" He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!" As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Now y'all get on up-par and feed the horses." Dad only made us work half-days.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
he screamed. We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us. We quickly crawled to the police station and cried for help. It was deserted, but we found some newly laid dinosaur eggs. They were huge. Ethan wanted to make scrambled eggs with them, but Xander yelled "NO!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
It's a weed. So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
But all of a sudden there was a big pop, a spluttering, and the sound of an army of motorcycle with the mufflers removed. "What?!" she shouted. "I can't hear you!" He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"Oh, I guess we can't go diving for oysters after all! I was looking forward to that!"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Go ahead!" She wanted to, but couldn't. Tears filled her eyes and she turned and began to run away. Tell me I'm wrong! Go ahead!" She wanted to, but couldn't. Tears filled her eyes and she turned and began to run away. It just doesn't get much better than that! Tell me I'm wrong! Go ahead!"
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
So Xander hurried over there and ordered a big Mac with cheese and extra ketchup and Great Biggie Fries. cried Ethan. "Xander, you already have two, and I have only one! I want one more chocolate cake!" exclaimed Bonnie. "But you don't have enough money to pay for that Spiderman suit and mask.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
We made fun of them because their farts were so soft and quiet. "You have sissy farts! You are a sissy! You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Needless to say, we were pretty exhausted, and ready for a break. We cautiously asked the drill sargeant if he would let us have some more corned beef hash before we had to do another 100 push-ups.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
he exclaimed. "You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Terrorists are threatening to destroy the entire campus!!" I couldn't believe it. All I could do was look around in amazement. "All these books must be at least a hundred years old!" I whispered. a voice rasped. I gasped.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
"Hell, Betty," Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
It must have been cooked with bacon grease. That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation. This one has been a blast! We have had so much fun that I know next summer will be even better.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Hey maybe this will work out after all! So he took one stick, and he cut it into one inch pieces and used them to start a fire.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China. "Why does everything have to be ethnic? What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library? With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume?
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
She looked at me and said, "You look so sad. Why are you so blue? I think you need to sit in this massage chair and just relax.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Let you know how it feels. And so it was time to clean that greasy, baconbit-encrusted grill. First off, turn it on low, then squirt it with liquified meat product. It gives it that meat-like flavor, and don't forget the starch spray for the fries. That keeps them crispy, all the better to accent the main entree.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Just be sure to brush your teeth after, though, the dark green bits between her teeth showed up in the camera shot. Oh no! And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
It left them with a taste they shall never forget. Such is the power of the ULTIMATE NINJA. And again what is that POWER? It is the power of the universe!
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet. Those were the only kind of wallets Greg carried around nowadays--genuine leather and filled to overflowing with Jacksons, Grants, and Franklins.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion. In fact... exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
"I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!"
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness. When the quiet had reached miasmic propotions, Miss Na Tasha again resumed her shrill tirade against her adversary in court, Barrister.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
reply. This could only mean one thing, the subjects for the theses were all wrong! Gromit, they are all wrong! What will the students do now? They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car. What they wanted to charge us was absolutely ridiculous.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans. She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
once he heard that, he knew the time was near. So near, in fact, he nervously checked his ticket stub to make sure he wasn't late for the previews. he wasn't.