Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Even the cars had turned yellow from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli! Where did we land? We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! which reminds me I haven't eaten a meal yet today.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
But that's fine; ain't no thing but a chicken wing. So we can just go ahead and fry the hamburgers right over this nice fire. They will taste delicious, so go get the tomatoes, lettuce, onion, pickles, and jar of eyeballs.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
There was even food for the animals! Suet for the birds, hay for the deer, and for the squirrels, there was no end of torment.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
How did it appear so suddenly? The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking! Happy and relieved, we smiled and stepped through the revolving door only to be snagged into a continual rotation!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later. So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread! and gobs of dripping fat. What to do? Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Turn off the lights!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The reaction spiralled our of control, detonating in a colorful blossom of chemical energy. The plume of smoke and flame launched itself into the atmosphere, spreading across the globe. At first, we were horrified. Surely, the fish would either stop swelling or explode!
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
There must be a faster way! But I just kept scrubbing with the bar of grit and learned online, I should be using my reading glasses.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda. I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch! As I held my hand to the hurty spot, all I could manage to say was I am ready for a real hamburger with all the fixings.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
So to calm them down I decided to show them my appointment book with times, dates, and detailed descriptions to verify that yes, indeed, they were enjoying themselves, having kitty treats and drinking warm milk.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
It's so soothing to listen to the thunder rolling while reading a book about the Oregon Trail. It took 5 grueling months to go from St. Louis to their destination. And when they got there they found lots of fancy chocolate truffles."
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Lean back and contemplate what you are going to do next: wrap more presents, or eat ALL the Christmas cookies.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw. We gathered all that in a little pile, and then went looking for the all important matches. Can't have a fire without matches.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
And the texture was very light, like gossamer. Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end. Streaking fire fell from the sky, and portals opened in the earth, from which spilled the uncountable, writhing forms of extradimensional creatures.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Well, when somebody puts it like that, it makes perfect sense. From that point on, I knew I had to block the back door fast because water was truly running down the hill and quickly coming into the living room where we were playing a board game.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
You know that would be the ultimate experience! hedge after hedge after hedge... Maybe into shapes, like for instance the shape of a PAYCHECK!!!!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Of course not! But we must be reasonable. Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
The table full of jocks nearby were laughing their heads off, but little did they know what was lurking behind the door of the Chemistry Lab... They all trooped in and lo, and behold, there waiting for them was Hulk Hogan!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I walked across and peeked through the fence and saw himself! They had lined their entire property with mirrors! "How strange," I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue! The light was brilliant!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road. That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
To serve attractively, place the pizza in my mouth!! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
It was from the party last night! Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza! And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Move-in day! We all got to see Xander's room for the very first time! It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface?
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat. As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, "
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
And while you are there, make sure you pick up some latticework or fishing line because as the vine grows, it wraps around everything in its path and starts choking the other plants when then in desperation they start to prune it, they don't know such actions are misguided.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
When I took them out of the washer, they were all the color of a cloudy winter sky. Now, the only solution would be to tie-dye everything !
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Well, we decided to find the long underwear which would help me build a pink fence around my two cows so they don't wander away from my base! The last time they did that, they got incinerated by the laser turrets on Greg's base!!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
So besides vacuuming the whole house, we also decided to rearrange the chess pieces while she's not looking. Then, nonchalantly Bonnie walked out of the airplane and down the ramp.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service. When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
So I put on my hat, opened the door, walked out on to the front porch, and stepped into a new suit!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Or you can say, " Pay for it with my Discover Dollars!! Woo hoo!!" It's like free money!! and who would that be?
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I told him I could compost those yard clippings, but he said " Stop looking at my bum and get on with your work!" "Do you think I am a GARDENER??? Because if so, you are correct!" He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Leaning in close, she could see tiny maggots ! Horrible ! How did they get there? !!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Bake it in an oven with the oven door slightly open so any extra heat can escape into the cargo bay!" But the skydive instructor wouldn't relent. he yelled over the noise of the plane's engines. "Now get ready for the fall!" He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
The General gave the latest Newsboys album on Spotify a fair go and listened wistfully for several minutes before mumbling, "They don't sound Aussie at all. Newsboys? More like Taitboys. Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And giant spikes made out of wood logs! And the surrounding area was covered in moldy gray moss that smelled like gym socks that had been stuffed with rotten onions and baby vomit. I took them and soaked them overnight. Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
We had to wait days or weeks for an answer! Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles. I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Panicking, I slept. Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
It's great! The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling. I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
they cried in unison. They then proceeded to knock over all my pink flamingoes in protest and put arsenic in the birdbath.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I had to have plenty of room to make the icing made with butter and powdered sugar. Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon. The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
There, under a little tree, we saw all colors of lichens growing on the bald rock. When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Then with them the children proceeded to make cookies to sell to raise enough money for Bonnie's bail bond. After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. It's also hard to get anything posted on Facebook!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise. It's good for you!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And now you know how to make your neighbors your best friends for life !Just walk over, knock on their door and with great enthusiasm, say, "
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Make sure every strand of ribbon is curled in a spiral and hangs down over the back of the tongue. "Uvula," I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
And we soon had enough to make brownies with. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts! He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us. Blind and coughing, I flailed around, reaching for the plunger, I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, and put all my strength into crushing the walnuts with my bare hands....
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
A new day! Full of possibilities for winning the county's "Best Decorated Yard". We had to get to work! I asked Bonnie to go buy lots of candles.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
It was mesmerizing! It drew me in...into a world that I could hardly imagine! Finally I had to say Good night to my Chat buddies, and in unison they all said to me, "
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars. So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less! In a situation like that, nobody but nobody wants their oxygen tank to run out!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!!
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I handed them to the nurse, but she shook her head and said, " Oh my!!! What a garbled mess this has become!!! At least I was able to kill all the drop bears and goblins, well, sort of, I guess."
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine." Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang " Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine."
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It's easier to keep track of distance that way. But this time I decided just to enjoy the moment. Off in the distance, I noticed reflected from the street lamp, 2 yellow eyes staring at me.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
In the whole milk there is a lot of algae growing there." Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks. you can afford it! In will come in handy when you suddenly realize, "The whole time, I've been wondering which is better whole milk or 2%?
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV. We went to the dealership, looked into the showroom, and we saw a brand spanking new Interstellar G9X Ion-Charged Singularity Accelerator. This thing could wipe out a whole solar system.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
I maybe had enough to get by without doing laundry. With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me!
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I didn't have time now to baste the turkey. Drat! I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house. "You look like a street walker!" I exclaimed. "You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender. Ooops! I forgot to put on the lid! All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages. There was no time for making pizza. We are running out of time! We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Kids paid $1 to take turns using an Airsoft rifle to try and knock them down. I kept this up for almost an hour before the store managers realized what I was doing and chased me off, but by that time I had earned enough points to get a prime rib sandwich free at WaWa, they were all out!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
so we loaded up a wheelbarrow-full of brains and carted them over to the Wal-Mart, to the frozen goods section. a worker yelled, "You can't bring raw brains in here!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
But to attach them, we needed to use our most skulky ninja tactics in order to get the brown hat to its next destination. We surrepticiously crossed the street and found a a secret cave lined with dozens of bats and hundreds of poopy tax return pages.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac. He was starting to get psycho just thinking about it! To calm him down, we tried to make the boys go to bed early, but alas they had eaten too many bags of ice for their swollen eyes.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing! After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist. When the other trolls saw this, they immediately knelt down and revived their health.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Because it's Bob Vila: The Game. If you get enough points you can upgrade to a laser level, which lets you upgrade your hero another level without having to restart the level every time you died.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers. I yelled, "Hey you kids! Get out of my flowers!" But they were eating all the leaves off my periwinkles. This calls for action! So I mixed up a poison solution and poured it on the fire to put it out!
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
over and over again until I could not stand it any longer, so I stood up and moved the cabinet of electronics components closer to the desk, so they'd be easy reach when they climbed down from the high cat tower.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
I really needed a new line of work. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be. So I decided to turn in my driver's license and buy a bicycle. They were blocking the road, so I slammed on the brakes and turned in to a McDonald's drive-thru.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them?
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
There were 100 accountants, all identical!! They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
Yum! It was crunchy and really really tasty! I gathered up a few and put them in my pocket so I could give them to the police officer when he hauled me in for questioning before being charged with trespassing.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective. we snarled informally. Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
I had all my Christmas lights in order plus some new packages. Now I was ready to decorate the yard! First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We rented a stretch limo and dressed up in our most fancy evening wear which we had just bought at the exclusive Shops at La Cantera. We'll be eating peanut butter and rice for a month! But it was worth it, because life isn't measured in how many breaths you take, but in how many moments like these, I lift up a song, I lift up a love song, to Jesus!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, " Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you go and leave us alone? We searched the mall index to find a good place to eat, and we found the intriguing listing of "The 12 days of diarrhea.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Well, think again!! The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill! NOW!!!" But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, " Orrrder uuuuuup!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Boy, it stank, but the flames reached to pick up a jar of homemade apple butter! I had to squint to read the obiturary, but I managed to make out "squished by a giant pumpkin"!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
I stepped through the door and fell through a hole in the floor! I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We landed on the dark side of the moon and off in the distance we could hear weird music, so we decided to go to light speed! What! No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
But I didn't do that; instead, I started tearing pages out of my computer manual and folding them into paper airplanes and launching them around the room.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television."
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Ewww! Smelly! And the Welcome Wagon ladies were already coming up my front steps! The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
I mean it. They must be major weightlifters because that's exactly what it sounds like: dumbells on the floor next to my barbell and other weight equipment. My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
As if on cue, the voice of Jackie Gleason could be heard exclaiming, "You're going too fast!"
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
We can wear nose plugs and burn the leftover sludge, even though everyone knows a better use for it would be to put it into a bucket beside the commode.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Stuff like what to get and what to avoid at the grocery, how to eat out smartly, and above all, remember it's not about a number, it's about how you feel!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Delighted, I said, "This has been such a success, let's have a yard sale every weekend!" The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Now the fun begins! The co-pilot thought I was kidding, but far be it from me to let him know what was really* going on. He'd probably just freak out and start to open up the escape hatch.*
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man! I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!! If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding! I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
And to take pictures of the project from start to finish, I bought a disposable cardboard toilet paper roll. (Hey, I was in a hurry!) Besides, it only cost 89 cents. And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back. Muhahaha! They'll never figure it out!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
They wear out or break even before you've finished one project! It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things."
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
But if you feel you must, you can just give me a chance!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
'Cause honey, I ain't in it for the cocoa, I'm in it for the marshmallows! So bring on the orcs! I'm not afraid of them! Bring on ogres, giants, even dragons, they won't stop me!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains!
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I drove up in my new car. I screeched to a halt, jumped out, and exclaimed to my friends, "Ain't it cool? I got it for 10 cents at the thrift store! Why would anyone want to eat eel? It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Incredulous, I asked her, with sarcasm, " You want fries with that?" She gave me such an evil look, that I really wanted to give her a chance to make better hot chocolate than the swill she had been serving.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
"Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors? How fast can this thing go?" Stunned, I replied "But it was right here! I put it there myself!" I was completely flabbergasted!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts! When they arrived, his tummy was already started to gurgle. "Uh, excuse me, I didn't mean to fart in your face."
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away! What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated. Calmly, she answered, "I'm thinking if we ate nothing but lettuce and skim milk for a month we may look good for the St.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!"
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Me thinks in our midst we have a genuine emergency! The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
A lady brought us some cold drinks. Soon we felt better, so we hightailed it over to the rodeo to see how long we could stay seated on that wild bucking brown and white streaks on my skin! I hadn't applied my sunscreen evenly!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
I wonder who thought up that idea. It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse. Now fix your wardrobe immediately!"
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Your first day will probably be the least fun because you will have to get all your shots and make sure your coffee maker is off when you leave the house. You wouldn't want to come back to a place with such rotten food. Chicken and prunes! Yuk! I would rather have a deadly attack robot!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Oh I could be in big trouble! I quickly stuck it into my hat. No one would find it there. Nonchalantly, I disassembled the fallacious evolution display with a sledgehammer. Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
And here he came wearing an apron with many pockets! I had to giggle because it reminded me of all the failed projects in the past. I always either had too little lumber, too few nails, or too few employees available to help me!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Now that you've realized you have a problem, we need to work on getting some meat on those bones! First, check out this picture of a double whopper with bacon and cheese! Next, you must only go grocery shopping when you are really hungry. That will enable you to put some food in your mouth, chew it up, and swallow it.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people. On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall! "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Countering the attack with another new move, the hovering spinning high kick, he propelled his opponent across the room flew a whirling bat ninja right at me.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever. So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun? I bet that would get more people to vote! You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN !
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder! The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow! Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
I said to him, "My only problem is YOUR ugly face. Speak to the hand!
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast."
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
And on top of that, he even began to cry. Everyone got very quiet. No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job. Well, one in particular. This guy looked like....well..Dilbert with a problem. We didn't know quite what to do. So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
The tomatoes we took were huge! Each one weighed 200 pounds! Everyone who saw them were amazed, but many couldn't help whispering to each other, " I surely would like a taste of that there apple pie!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
The newscaster all agog at such a statement, quickly stuttered into a station break, and the first ad was about a block away from the scene. As soon as they heard, they quickly lunged out the door, cameras and notebooks in hand.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
I need a pilot! Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over. Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles."
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Security measures, you know. So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Her ability to spin on her toes was phenomenal. We could only watch in amazement, envying her strength and grace. "How beautiful are the deep pools of blue that are your eyes.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open. Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Where are we going? To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China. Yes, that is a "must see". Also I want to swim in the Great Barrier Reef.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
The sargeant will have our heads in we don't find them! Man! They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
The fat seemed to absorb the knockout juice. But we succeeded when we gave him a big dose of what for! we chortled. "Next time you'll know better!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
They weren't scared. They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass. Oh yes, and don't forget the fresh-baked biscuits that were brought to us by UPS, the BROWN people. We helped unload the truck and opened the boxes, and inside we found numerous ants! Streaming out of every crevice.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud. That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang. Bonnie put on her leather jacket and her leather gloves; also her leather helmut, but around her neck she carefully wound a psychedelic silk parachute, which she used to land at Daytona Beach in the middle of about 100 bikers, with great fanfare.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"You're so silly!" Omar said, "We don't need air tanks for that! We can just hold our breath. they jumped into the car and drove to the museum. They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum! Even though it was just the skeleton, somebody was scared.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
If she laughs any louder my brain is going to slide out of my ears in long, thin slices." his friend said. "You must really like french fries! But over here we call them pommes frites, and we like to smother them with sauteed onions. It just doesn't get much better than that!
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Maybe it's to interrupt conversations with long drawn-own guttural (Yeah from the gut to be sure!) sounds that brought with them whisps of sickening smells that were sure to make even a strong man wilt like a flower that's been in the sun too long.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I don't wanna got to Iraq! I'm scared!" the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Suddenly, he whacked the other guy on the back of the head with the spatula! We screamed as his eyeball popped out! Everyone was completely amazed when it cheerfully called out, "I'M FREE!" And started rolling jauntily down the street, singing, " Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go; hum,hum,hum,hum....hum,hum,hum,hum, Hi Ho Hi Ho, Hi Ho Hi Ho."
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
So look me in the eye and tell me where the bathroom is? Cuz I really, really, REALLY gotta go."
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
One can never be too careful. For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
"That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going." "That's terrible, who would have thought ice cream could melt so fast!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I am afraid I am going to fall into a dead end! Stunned with discouragement, no one spoke for a few moments.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Why does everything have to be ethnic? What about plain American?" She wondered, grouchily, "Why not have a pizza party in the middle of the library? With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume?
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
"I can't help it," Bonnie said, "Every time I see one, it makes me want to cry. I just can't help it. I get all teary-eyed; and then I start to wonder why is the sky blue?
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
"You'd better be careful or that might fall in in big vat of boiling hot french fry grease. It was popping out, splattering the wall and dripping down the side of his face and landing on the countertop with a "splat". he said, "my boil just erupted!" The customer gawked and said, "You expect me to eat this crap?!!
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
And no one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked golden brown teenage girls. They clearly had been tanning for quite some time. "Hey you girls," I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer. Come and sample some of these fresh-baked biscuits with homemade apple butter and freshly churned butter.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
But it was the only one he cared about anymore. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Where did that come from?! Is it programmed for a target?! Oh no! It is headed for a crash! Unable to steer, her frustration at the malfunction gave way to panic as the obstacle loomed ahead, a giant miasmic mix of sulfuric and methane gases, swirling, boiling, reaching out for the next great leader in the cataclysmic battle for galactic supremacy.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Lady Man was known through the olde towne as a ravishing womanizer, and had gotten in trouble with one too many gladiators who had come from Rome to the countryside of England to train.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
That's what the country's coming to. A parking lot here, a parking lot there, and pretty soon you've got some real evidence there! Let me get a closer look. Let me get a closer look too, said Barrister. But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Now, long gone would be the pain. How he remembered when he had broken his wrist playing badmitton with an orc. Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR! THAT'S RIGHT! once he heard that, he knew the time was near. So near, in fact, he nervously checked his ticket stub to make sure he wasn't late for the previews.