Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself. Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time? I looked at the clock, and suddenly realized! It's summer! That must explain why we always want to have a picnic with friends and family. And when I finally checked the calendar, I realized our next house is going to need multiple fireplaces, because that last winter was a doozy!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
So we can just go ahead and fry the hamburgers right over this nice fire. They will taste delicious, so go get the tomatoes, lettuce, onion, pickles, and jar of eyeballs.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
he screamed. "Get out of the way of that rapidly moving ice stor' Have you no sense??" We then proceeded to wend our way through Wendy's, admiring everyone's entree as we approached the front counter. We stared transfixed at the huge, lit-up menu, offering a panoply of mouth-watering pies, sweet and savory.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Nobody ever bothers you, and you have basically infinite free time. If you're into meditation, make sure you have a cup of coffee ahead of time so that you don't accidentally slip on a patch of ice and land face-first in a pile of freshly driven icy cold snow causing me to feel the need to call the airline and confirm my flight hadn't been cancelled.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Now please, would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
He realized he broke a string in the last movement! he mentally mumbled to himself.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
What is wrong with you people?!" Two days is too long to spend driving. It wears you out and subtracts the pleasure from a trip. What you should do along the way is schedule a good amount of trolling. 3am is OK, but most people are asleep.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
As usual, it was the simplest solution which made the most sense. The fear in our hearts diminished somewhat as each of the treacherous Kiwis was pushed into the holding zone.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
1 star! It got caught on everything! it even got stuck on logistics. Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan. She asked, "How do we know this robo-vacuum will do any better a job than the last one?"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
It was dark, I could not play my games, all in all, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck going 80 mph. Time slowed down as my brain tried to make sense of the calamity which had just happened to me. Bones and joints moved in unnatural ways and the pain which I knew was coming took its own sweet time to arrive, which confused my brain even more.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
We raised our glasses and forgot all about the present wrapping, and joined in with singing and dancing. The music was outstanding Especially the trumpet player who stood on the stage and proceeded to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!"
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Yeah! I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer! You can bring a few bottles! Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end. Streaking fire fell from the sky, and portals opened in the earth, from which spilled the uncountable, writhing forms of extradimensional creatures.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
But how to get rid of it? !! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash. All those bank statements, etc., you don't want people to know your every little insecurity!"
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I could take care of all the litter in the median! And I could become friends with all the nice men in the cute orange jumpsuits who were already out there in the wild blue yonder.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
"They're designed to be mousetraps, and are cute and fuzzy too." I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical. It bridged the gap between this world and the others, and beyond it were visible incomprehensible wonders and horrors alike.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums."
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
That will make everybody want to go to the Alamo! Enjoy your time there, but there's more! Right across the street was a dog kennel for stray dogs of all sizes. I walked across and peeked through the fence and saw himself! They had lined their entire property with mirrors!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy. And isn't that part of the fabric of life?
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Why don't you decide what you are going to do with them? For starters, you could have salad, breadsticks, or everyone's favorite--stuffed mushrooms! Appetizers get people in the mood of a party!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated. The best thing to do is take a minute to evaluate the situation, then decide which size pizza to order, the giant 18-inch, or should we order the small instead of the large?
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit! It was from the party last night!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni! They're delighted with the constant flow of free T-shirts, hors d'oeuvres, gift bags, and lanyards with name tags that say, " Welcome to Engineering Country!Now proceed into the Student Center where you will be issued a tote bag full of water guns.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
When she did, she immediately saw what I had been doing, and exclaimed, "These nails look like they've been through a shredder!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps. The result is a very useful mulch.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School! Even Donald Trump would want to own this...
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket! And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!! After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest. her suitcase, that is!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service. When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
What were you thinking?!?! You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list. Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Merry Christmas!" Or you can say, " Pay for it with my Discover Dollars!! Woo hoo!!" It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Last time, I situated my composter on a hill. I bet you can figure how that turned out. That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile. I told him I could compost those yard clippings, but he said "
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Spicy, meaty, and with a little hint of mint! Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from. They were holding handkerchiefs over their noses and were mumbling, "
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
"Now get ready for the fall!" He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice. Talk about getting ready to fall! Getting ready for falling? Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up. I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
We had to wait days or weeks for an answer! Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles. I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
If something is missing, always remember: look under the couch cushions for any stray peanuts. I am sure I lost some. We want to make our own peanut butter in our new electric hot tub.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
It was a cupmeatcake. But we weren't done yet! Next we put the pastel cupcake wrappers in the muffin pan and put it in the larger mixing bowl. I wanted the batter to stay fluffy, so very gently I hollowed out each cupcake and spooned in a mixture of soft serve ice cream, grated coconut, ground-up Kit-Kat bars, and wet walnuts.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Confident I'd be OK, I took a big bite and froze. Never in my life had I ever tasted anything so disgusting and horrible. It must have been past its expiration date!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
First, you have to be sure the correct worksheets are in each cubby hole with the kid's name labeled above. I reached into the back of one of the cubby holes and found a mistake!"
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I am sure I put them in the sock drawer, next to the loaded gun. It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes. and drizzle them with Sriracha hot sauce! And habanero sauce! And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses. Or was it maple syrup? Regardless, I put it on the plate with the other desserts next to the Christmas tree.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious." Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint. I can see how that would help, considering I had lost my contact lenses.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Bring some comic books. But the funniest suggestion of all was to don't even worry about it, just go ahead and take some time to consider who you want to take with you. Maybe one choice would be Mr.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Looking into the distance, I could see the splendor of the rising sun. It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices. This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
SHUT THAT OFF!" I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang " Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine."
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained. Smell that? It's napalm. In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Get on him, before he prepared the meal. Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack! He gets into everything!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
It used gravity wells and quantum tunneling to launch giant blue whales from every port in the country, in celebration of the Year of Cheese!
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Heck, I'll order some onion rings too. And for dessert, we wanted Royal Crown Colas and Moon Pies !! How delicious! But things don't always taste the way we remember them.... This time the Moon Pies tasted like sea urchin soup, straight from the set of "Iron Chef"! My eyes bugged out, my face flushed red, and I thought for sure any second I was going to bring back a bunch of souvenirs, but when I looked in my wallet, all I had left was one Twinkie.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep! I wonder who brought them? Could it have been that I had made them myself and forgotten? At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal. I didn't have time now to baste the turkey.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I had spent many, many hours designing, constructing, and then renovating my secret underground lab. It was filled with zombie bits and scattered brains. I was at my wit's end! I figured I would clean it up with the blood of my enemies! And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Perhaps I could store them in a large milkshake from Chick-Fil-A. While we were there we also ordered a pizza to be delivered but when the deliveryman came, instead of a pizza he brought a box full of chocolates. As he opened them, he said, "Mama used to say life is like a box of chocolates.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Unimaginative yes, but quick and simple. But, while I was there, I decided to go ahead and order dessert. oh, you know. You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat. When you see them coming you must floor it!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Now we go shopping for NEW stuff!! zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist. Now we go shopping for NEW stuff!!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going. Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox. Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly. Better than perfect, in fact!" The doctor beamed and said "Your vision is 20 over 200 and you are definitely a candidate for surgery.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach. But he wouldn't be staying there for long. With a single punch, Abiathar managed to finish his mission and start a new one, which was to rescue a mad scientist and kill all the lights before he made his big debut.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I knew it was full of video games which I had ordered. I'm so skilled at 'em they only last a few days, max.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It was just past the crack of dawn when I noticed a bunch of slimy slugs eating away at my petunias. So I poured on them some high powered weed killer. I looked like I was wearing HAZMAT gear, but that stuff is dangerous. It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds!
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
With that junk out of the way, I was able to start moving furniture around so it made more sense. I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink! I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be. So I decided to turn in my driver's license and buy a bicycle. I really needed a new line of work. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them? Maybe it's because they accidentily stitched him up with tools still inside his abdominal cavity! It wouldn't have been the first time. They quietly ordered an X-ray of his brain, completely unsure what the bulge was.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny. That's why I gave him a raise." When he heard the news, he fell forward on his desk forgetting that right in front of his face was his leftover lunch, a big bowl of candies for visitors to help themselves to.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo. So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen. Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Without taking the time to think, he grabbed it and wrung its head off. Slimy green lymph splattered everywhere even onto his hairdreszor. "You are such an abuzor!" She shrieked, "
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
In moments like these, I'm sure glad I use Dial. Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels! I sure didn't want to end up there! The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor. He had already asked me for a refund. "Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, "
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
at least, he would* be a customer if he ever made up his mind and ordered something.*
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy. Why, just last year, we brought home enough pumpkins to make lots of pies.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Who knows? I might be spotted by the next agency of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy. I stepped through the door and fell through a hole in the floor! I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
In fact most of the students looked at least as old as MS-DOS. Which would put it at about 25 years old. There was also an acoustic coupler modem on display. "Wow!" I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!! Hahaha!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Well, safer, anyway. There's no telling what we will do if we start down that mountain and our brakes give out!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
I pulled my Mazda RX-8 into the pit stop. The clock was ticking and I was snoozing! I'd better get out of bed and get going, or I'll be wearing my Dale Earnhardt jumpsuit. Nobody can match my collection of his memorabilia.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Three days later, we were so thirsty our tongues were sticking to the plan. This is great news!
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Sitting in the hot sun, sipping sweet tea and making fun of the junker cars that drove up was worth at least $100. It was going to be hard to get rid of everything before the sun went down. My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Let's see what happens if I push it! Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board. And only I know the code to release them. Moo-ha ha! One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee. But that's OK-- we can replace it with saline, or I can tell you about our latest experiment: something we've been growing in the lab. Your choice." If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this. I was going to need a lot more spit to get this job done. As I prepared the next strip, I suddenly has the urge to pee.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Come on, we're almost finished! Just a few more nails into the roof shingles and we will be sure to use the right tool this time.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Just give me a second. and see right before our eyes the ground rushing up toward us! No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Many times a person's favorite part about something isn't the most obvious. And they may not reveal this preference to their friends, but instead privately enjoy this secret pleasure. Others glory in it, and freely share their personal joys.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings. This was the lowest ranked show ever! To improve things, we had to make sure everyone in the audience got at least a taste, so we passed out portions the size of your brain doesn't matter.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Frightfully stern in their trenchcoats and black sunglasses, they appeared to be staring at those bits of broccoli stuck in his teeth....How gross! But how can you tell someone that? How can you tell someone that their grace under pressure is so inspiring to you, it makes you want to be a better person?
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
I told her, "You have to SMILE at the customer! Make them feel welcome! Here, I'll show you."
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
I pushed the lever and water erupted from the white platform. That's when I realized: it was a giant bidet! But to use a bidet this large, someone would have to have a butt the size of a pouf chair which happened to be covered with at least an inch of freeze-dried shrimp had rained down onto the roadway.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
She shouted, to no one in particular. Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce! With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
So the main characters set out to accomplish this mission: a difficult job which would take at least several days and certainly be a bonding experience, an adventure. This team of friends had agreed to buy all the ingredients to make homemade pizza.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut! That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
It's so hot and the heat makes me feel like dancing! It makes me want to dance! When I hear the music playing The Yellow Rose of Texas.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
"Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!" I laughed maniacally as I headed for Costco and their 750-count, 10 pound bag.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
How mod! I wonder who thought up that idea. It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
I'll take 'em all and then I won't have to listen to--" But he wasn't listening; he was already counseling the next student over.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Rare artifacts can fetch a healthy price on the black market, just like scarred old remnants of ancient civilizations.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
So Lowe's decided to stay open until midnight to accomodate all the purchases! Actually, you may need TWO carts!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one! It's O.K.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
That's why I needed an expert carpenter. Once you start getting creative you can envision new shapes for rooms. For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I bet that would get more people to vote! You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN !
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder! The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
If they are, we can try to use a high powered spray washer with a jet nozzle...or to blow his big hair dryer over the towel-dried car, for a final touch-up. Everyone was impressed by all the water running into the gutter.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with? Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house. We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock. People across the street turned to look and gasped because streams of green sludge were rushing down the gutters and into the subway tunnel.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
The voice of the people will not be ignored! A bundle of sticks is not easily glued together to make a log cabin for a school project. In fact, to collect all the sticks needed, the teachers and parents had to come to some sort of agreement.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head! but we grabbed him and wanted to turn him inside out, if you know what I mean.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
He yelled "Stop the presses! Stop the presses!!" The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
For dessert you get fruit salad sweetened with maple syrup (honey exploits bees). We don't eat meats!
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one. When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea! plate of tamales, burritos, and enchiladas!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
To remedy that Ben-Gay is good. Otherwise you can also rub on some invisibility potion.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Waiting for us....all squeaky clean and shining with colorful beads! It was just what I was looking for! It was so beautiful I couldn't take my eyes off it! The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
This was strange pizza though; it had slices of boiled egg on it. And spread over the top were bits of shredded lettuce. Yum! "This will hit the spot! This is good for an appetizer. What's the main course?" I am sorry to say the natives are offering us sauteed monkey brains.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Spittle flew from his jabbering lips as he said to the man behind bars, "Go wash your hands in that sink over there. Here use this bar of soap and dry your hands with this yellow nametag, I would be blend in with the other visitors. I knew I had to be careful not to talk too much, or I would blow my cover.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
The fat seemed to absorb the knockout juice. But we succeeded when we gave him a big dose of what for! we chortled. "Next time you'll know better!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
But suddenly we heard a loud rushing! Coming straight toward us was a giant footprint in the mud. I could have laid down in it and still had room left over. This did not bode well. The sun was sinking fast and we were running out of battery power.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
(Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap. That's the price you pay for neglecting it or using cheap stuff for fertilizer! fertilizer. You can use it for digging up earthworms.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud. That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
You, mes faux amis, may leave." And with a great harrumph, they in fact did! As the last one exited the door, there came a loud applause from the audience, who then began to shout in unison," Look out for the alligator!"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Bonjour, Monsieur, and welcome to Paris! We hope you enjoy your stay! Surely your first stop will be to eat at an outdoor cafe.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I want a Brown Mule. Let's go find an ice cream freezer in this place, and look in it to see if we can find some quarters so we can play a few final video games before we have to go." The clock said "TIME TO GO SHOPPING!" I'm really getting tired and hungry.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Why do you fart, anyway? Maybe it's to interrupt conversations with long drawn-own guttural (Yeah from the gut to be sure!) sounds that brought with them whisps of sickening smells that were sure to make even a strong man wilt like a flower that's been in the sun too long.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world! then do 500 more... muh--errgghhk..." He started foaming at the mouth and just could not resist biting the tar out of every single drill sargeant on the base.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
The joyful ringing of their laughter reached all the way to Route 17. Traffic was stopping just to listen. Pretty soon the whole parking lot was full of chicken nuggets! Hundreds of them! Crate after crate of chicken nuggets! "This isn't right!" I exclaimed.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?" "Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead. I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?"
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
To accomplish this, one will have to accumulate enough borax to kill all the mice. "Hell, Betty,"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up. What a relief! Imagine getting so sick on that food! What was in it? It must have been cooked with bacon grease. That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
There was a whole box of dynamite that someone had left behind. Hey maybe this will work out after all! So he took one stick, and he cut it into one inch pieces and used them to start a fire. someone complained, "You'll use up all our air!"
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
But that didn't stop us from making fun of it. I held it up and yelled, "
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
And just then the drugs kicked in and then the convulsions started. "Oh, no!" My friends said, "Quickly, turn off the electricity before she's fried!"
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Chopping lettuce. I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer. Come and sample some of these fresh-baked biscuits with homemade apple butter and freshly churned butter. You cannot beat the taste! Eating these every day will make you feel like a million bucks!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
The power that enables the ULTIMATE NINJA to unleash hundreds if not thousands of punches and kicks upon any who opposed him.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Now what kind of weekend was he going to have? He decided to put all his savings into that new tech stock that everyone was raving about. And the name of it was "Ackerson Savings & Loans & Stuff". It had been in business for 20 years, but it had to be demolished to make way for a Stop-n-Go.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is. Thusly donned, they left--earning strange stares since the underwear was actually their outerwear. Sam said, The gravity is very different here, so don't be doing any jumping.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
"So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals." "Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord." Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
All the stress? Surely there's got to be a better way to make an A on an exam. You have to stay up longer, study harder, and above all, pay attention to the teachah. Class is now in session, I'm gonna try 'n' reach ya. After the rap was over, Greg stood up and shouted, "There will be no discussion!"
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
He didn't want to be so anal-retentive, so he stopped himself from measuring his head to make sure the part was exactly in the middle. But then all day long he could not take his mind off this difficult problem.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
So powerful, in fact, So they went ahead and ran around the block fifteen times just to be sure. the time had come to eat a Burger King Whopper. "I want cheese on mine!" Greg whined. But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures.