Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Time for a change of clothes: work boots, old jeans, and that t-shirt with a hole in it will be the perfect outfit for attending the funeral.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full. However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass! You can set it right next to this bigger can of Whoop-Ass!" Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking! Happy and relieved, we smiled and stepped through the revolving door only to be snagged into a continual rotation!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
How did that get there? Who walked the dogs last?? Don't they realize the dishwasher is broken and look at all these dirty dishes! Plus I have a bandaged hand because I cut myself with a rusty barbecue smoker borrowed from a neighbor.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure. The maestro glared and sighed.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
What you should do along the way is schedule a good amount of trolling. 3am is OK, but most people are asleep. Proper trolling has as many spectators as possible, to maximimize the trollification. you might only see 3 or 4 people.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Something massive and unprecedented was stirring beneath the surface, and it was probably angry. It was impossible to deny: Sweet dreams are made of cheese / Who am I to dis a brie?
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Once, they were humble, housecleaning appliances. Now, the weaponized and evolved robovacs had become an army, one which had a single purpose: to clean up the filth that is humanity. Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
But he was also my friend. A bit of a lunkhead friend, though, considering when I asked him to give us an autograph, he grabbed the nearest thing to do it on.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
The music was outstanding Especially the trumpet player who stood on the stage and proceeded to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!"
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
This was the moment of truth. This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields? I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Having trudged for miles upon miles through untamed wilderness, they at last collapsed as they reached the final step of their journey. In the valley below them lay a dangerous but lucrative ruin from ages past, filled with strange creatures and treasures.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it. It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated. But how to get rid of it? !! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to! In the last hour they emptied the cash registers into special bank bags and took them all to task on proper upsale technique.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I always carry them with me in case anyone needs them because they have a splinter or a tick or a stray unwanted hair, or in case they have a stray unwanted coyote wandering around, digging in the trash, chasing rabbits.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Yes, ...it had to be done..argh. Coming home from Texas I opened up the cabinet door under the sink, and saw a cat. "Perfect!" I thought. "They're designed to be mousetraps, and are cute and fuzzy too." I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
What to feed them??? I know! We can give them bowls of scorpions! We scooped them up during our daily desert hike. The sneaky bastards tried to sting us but we were too smart for them.Once we had about 50 of them, we were ready to proceed.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
But it is okay to have some background music like the theme music from the movie, " Saturday Night Fever"--it makes you want to dance, but you wouldn't admit to your high-society friends that you like it. Something that tastes this good should be offered in the Trump Tower restaurant!!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, "
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO! WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?!"
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
They're delighted with the constant flow of free T-shirts, hors d'oeuvres, gift bags, and lanyards with name tags that say, " Welcome to Engineering Country!Now proceed into the Student Center where you will be issued a tote bag full of water guns.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat."
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
And while you are there, make sure you pick up some latticework or fishing line because as the vine grows, it wraps around everything in its path and starts choking the other plants when then in desperation they start to prune it, they don't know such actions are misguided.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Why is it that laundry never seems to end?!?! It's almost like flushing a commode on a windy day! Hey! Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen. One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
When she got to the bottom, she dug in the sand with her hands, feverishly trying to find the return plane ticket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
First I took a personality test and I turned out to be an introvert. So I thought I would work on that and turned to the person next to me, and I said to him " What were you thinking?!?! You aren't a cow!!"
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Make sure you never tie a yellow ribbon 'round that old oak tree, because this is a Jonny Cash town, you hear? If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say " Merry Christmas!"
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too?
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables. The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He had had it! He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
It should definitely work for slow-moving targets such as a sloth, but you could run into problems if you taught math class in middle school...hahaha. No, seriously, you would have a problem if you ran out of eggs right in the middle of preparing a tasty snack!
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
When I looked into the tub a few minutes later, much to my amazement I saw the tomato vine growing taller & taller right before my eyes! I looked, up into the sky and there was shining the Blue Moon !! How peaceful and pretty.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself! Then through a little crack in the sugary glaze I saw several disgusting guests on late-night talk shows.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
And his line is "Ayyyy." Boooooo Wooooo was that an excellent comeback or what?! Wheeee we said as we sailed down the waterslide straight into a big pool of water mixed with just enough corn starch to Eat. Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Posed as if they were going about their daily chores, the garden gnomes banded together and formed a labor union. they cried in unison. They then proceeded to knock over all my pink flamingoes in protest and put arsenic in the birdbath.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Decorating is the part that's the most fun. Be creative! You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
There, under a little tree, we saw all colors of lichens growing on the bald rock. When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right. She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose. So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise. It's good for you! It's Regular Ordinary Swedish meal time flies when you're having fun! Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: "
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And now you know how to make your neighbors your best friends for life !Just walk over, knock on their door and with great enthusiasm, say, " I knew I could do it!" Just make sure you stop at the first sign of feeling faint. And now you know how to make your neighbors your best friends for life !Just walk over, knock on their door and with great enthusiasm, say, "
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
26....where was it??I found all of it in the back of the car. The first step is to acquire the presents. Second, you have to get someone to put their finger in the middle of a bow, so you can pull out just as much as you need. Next, take the scissors and curl the ribbon. Make sure every strand of ribbon is curled in a spiral and hangs down over the back of the tongue.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Hopefully we would get some fresh water out of this. Skeptically, I lifted up tile after tile from the floor and underneath I saw a great deal of cat hair, all matted together into a gluey fabric reminiscent of the feeling you get while watching episodes of "This Old House."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
But they're just acting. They're just lying there waiting to be strung from shrub to shrub. Let's get going! First I will check them by plugging them into the nearest electrical outlet. It's a trick to get the lights lined up just right, but when you do, the results are two thumbs with far too many blisters, and a back with far too acute an angle.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
The cave floor was piled high with years of bat guano. The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
The deepest reaches of space have always been one of humanity's most sought-after mysteries. What lies beyond our Milky Way, in that massive universe? With the advent of SDW (Space and Dimensional Warp) travel, it was now possible to find out.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices. This spa was my favorite.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
But what an awesome game. What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen. But when I did, he proceeded to buy advance tickets for EVERY opening show for the next year!!!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
As I broke into a jog, I peered down into the muddy puddle and spied something moving! It looked like a convoy of Army vehicles. Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
With their unorthodox approach, they gathered exotic plants from the Amazon Rainforest, pulverized them and mixed them with liquid kale, because it's so good for you! Do you know what else is good for a scratchy throat? A nice, hot cup of tea, flavored with garlic.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Counting sheep didn't work. Warm milk goes down like silk. But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Al Gore was busy writing his next speech to present before the exclusive group of European citizens would be allowed onto the Space Ark. The rest would be left to drown in the swarm of cats. They would cover the Earth with moss. Happiness is cozy, soft, and green. How could anyone argue against me?
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
I could smell what could only be described as vast quantities of Mexican food nearby. My mouth began to water and I ran for the ramp for the plane, but just as I reached it, they started pulling up the stairs, and then I loudly screamed, "
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Could it have been that I had made them myself and forgotten? At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
It was filled with zombie bits and scattered brains. I was at my wit's end! I figured I would clean it up with the blood of my enemies! And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or sarsaparilla. Grenadine! Straight from the can! Deee-licious!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded. I then went inside the Quicky-Mart and got some Pepsi, beef jerky, Andy Capps hot fries, and some curly ribbon fell behind the couch and got tangled with the golden tresses of Rapunzel, which she had cast out her tower window after he unwrapped the last present he put all the bows and wrapping paper into a large roomy cabin near the front of the plane.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
I had dozens of them, piled everywhere! They smelled like rotting potatoes. It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us. when you used it. The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb. Don't you know how to do anything?!! This is the way to do it: First, stack up the ammo boxes you have scattered all over the floor.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Well, not literally* the last minute... Actually, I searched and searched for a good parking place and finally had to resort to getting a handful of gift cards at Wawa.*
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
The reason must be that I ate too much brains! I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way. So I added a whole line of new models of subcompacts.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist. Now we go shopping for NEW stuff!!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
"Hmm, he must have run out of TP and used this instead." But this wouldn't help me find the hat. What I needed was a big eagle's feather! That would look so cool on my hat.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Cheese and eat lots of crap pizza and drink cheap beer. After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog. A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Your insurance will not cover this! Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly. Better than perfect, in fact!" The doctor beamed and said "Your vision is 20 over 200 and you are definitely a candidate for surgery.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
That's why I have to soak my hands in hot paraffin every night. What a relief!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers. I yelled, "Hey you kids! Get out of my flowers!" But they were eating all the leaves off my periwinkles.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Quick as a wink, they saw blue lights in the rear view mirrors, so they hightailed it across the state, carefully avoiding known speed traps, living off of coffee and Slim Jims, and sleeping in the car in Wal-Mart parking lots. Eventually they drifted to a dead stop, out of gas, low on oil, and right in the middle of a speedtrap!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He may have to terminate his membership at the country club. Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them? Maybe it's because they accidentily stitched him up with tools still inside his abdominal cavity!
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me! The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
feelings of the Italians, who of course like to roll their R's and use nasal N's, like when they say Cinqo de Mayo they don't mean, "Drop the mayonnaise"; what they really mean is, "
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination". They were givin away a big pink inflatable heart for Valentine's Day, which was just around the corner, and there it was: a brand new Hobby Shop stocked with every kind of Christmas light you could imagine!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
I promise to stay out of your way, and believe me, you'll never know that I used a degreazor! It looks brand new!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
and then they weren't sure what to do with the toothpicks. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied! Now all that was left to do was to put a new CD in the stereo that had been playing all the music all along.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I sure didn't want to end up there! The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, "
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
I tried not to smirk when the customer called me "Luv". I knew she was from Guinea, especially when she proceeded to order a Whopper...oops, this is McDonald's!!!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Why, just last year, we brought home enough pumpkins to make lots of pies. When we counted them we ended up with 1,416 pumpkins. That was more than enough to make some pumplin pie.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. What! No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake?
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"Hey! she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time. To do this, you just need a lot of patience. One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house. We used snow shovels most of the time, but sometimes we used cloth diapers when we ran out of all the clean air in the house was being gradually contaminated by the encroaching fog of green stench.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music. Boy, do I hate it! Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Of course, while we're there, we'll check out the local caves. I know it will be cool in there, and who knows? We might find some interesting local folks to talk to. They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself! What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
and 250 lbs, could best be described as high fat, high sodium, and high sugar. Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
So when we advertised it, we exaggerated a little bit to get more people to show up. It really worked, because when we woke up and looked out the window, we saw at least 100 people waiting for us to start setting up!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Let's see what happens if I push it! Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
It had been a while since my last checkup so I figured I should go ahead and see about getting a prostate exam.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
For example, on the second level there will be a round hole, facing a raging fireplace. Maybe it was a bad idea to build the cat condo prototype out of styrofoam.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal. And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I flicked the switch and the loud noise that erupted sounded like a hundred termites trying to chew through the wall!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
"Hello! I've been meaning to call you for days! How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
and see right before our eyes the ground rushing up toward us! No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels! Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
"We don't want a good principal!" "We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice. Fluff up our pillows! Don't you know who we are? a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!"
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Frightfully stern in their trenchcoats and black sunglasses, they appeared to be staring at those bits of broccoli stuck in his teeth....How gross!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time. You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
So much excitement! My first ocean cruise! I flew to Miami and boarded the beautiful liner with all the other baggage, getting stowed in the hold.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Captain Underpants was an unlikely here. He had super strength, could fly, was invulnerable, yet was about as smart as a brick. His nemesis, Professor Poopypants, won a blue ribbon at the county fair for producing the longest poop--a record hard to beat.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
She said. Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks? It cannot be possible!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
In the first episode, Ren and Stimpy challenged Mr. T to a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish. There was utter pandemonium until Mr. T. 's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, "
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
My headquarters is Spy Base Alpha, and from here we have access to all communications satellites, private and government-owned foreign and domestic. Over here, we don't need money; we trade and barter for everything.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Ah the warm desert air blowing from the west, bringing with it a great deal of heat. I wished I'd brought my sunglasses with me. I checked for other supplies: bandoliers, ammo, and flak jackets. Once the weather got really hot them Yankee-land touristers might come hunting for your A/C, and you gotta be prepared.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Then she got a large mocha latte and headed for the checkout counter, loaded with gift selections. En route, we stopped at Arby's to eat. Unfortunately the sandwiches were cold and tasted old.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
What a tragedy. But the show must go on. The rest of you: Take a number and get in line. When you fill in your applications, please include your criminal history, if applicable. That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel?
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
But he wasn't listening; he was already counseling the next student over. Obviously I was going to have to figure this out for myself.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule. Oh I could be in big trouble! I quickly stuck it into my hat. No one would find it there.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I yelled, "We need a pilot!...No, I mean a forklift driver!" And here he came wearing an apron with many pockets! I had to giggle because it reminded me of all the failed projects in the past. I always either had too little lumber, too few nails, or too few employees available to help me! I have no idea where the restrooms are in this store, and I need one bad!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand. The swimming pool will go there, the miniature golf course there, and the toolshed had to be demolished to make room for the new inground swimming pool which would be reinforced with steel, 3 inches thick.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Truly, the purpose of the NINJA is to FLIP OUT and kill people! I was terrified! I screamed out for several long minutes, the elation of victory like electricity shooting through my body. Truly, the purpose of the NINJA is to FLIP OUT and kill people!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Meanwhile, across the street, the DNC rally was handing out free copies of the Communist Manifesto, which were all autographed by Snoop Doggy Dog and Jesse Jackson. What a prize! I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
My home, seen only in faded memories after all those years... Delirious with joy, I lept aboard the ship that would take me home. My home, seen only in faded memories after all those years...
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow! Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Because I don't want to look at your last moments of life on this earth!" With that he opened fire and I dodged every bullet with great aplomb.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Breathing deeply, I inhaled a great cloud of mold and mildew. Argh! I cannot take this any longer! So I grabbed the can of gasoline, pulled out a book of matches, and debated whether to vote for George Bush or John Kerry. she said, "You can take that and stick it where's there no tomorrow!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I could tell because of the short shorts, and the brightness of his pink shirt hurt my eyes. I just looked the other way, because the PTA President had a booger on her nose. It was drooping down and looked older than dirt! "Who's that?" I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I quickly leaned over and threw up, deftly avoiding potentially lethal food poisoning. Then I grabbed a ticket to go see the biggest cow on the planet. When I peeped through the fence at it, it looked like a NINJA! she said, " I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
It was going to be a very big news day! Hurricane Bonnie had wiped out all of the office staff. Without meeting the deadlines on the paperwork, dozens of suspects would go free! Frantically, the police captain called a temp agency. They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
See, if you drink enough champagne, you forget you're on this lousy vegetarian diet, and you're free to create stupendous sculptures made from multicolored tofu. What those vegans need are some good old pork rinds deep fried in lots of bubbly champagne. See, if you drink enough champagne, you forget you're on this lousy vegetarian diet, and you're free to create stupendous sculptures made from multicolored tofu.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Everything tastes good in a tortilla! Meat, eggs, cheese, even chopped veggies mixed with ranch dressing, peanut butter, honey, butter, and more peanut butter. What could beat that?!! Now to wash our hands. Let's use this Spanish-English dictionary to figure out what the heck they're saying!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I shook in my boots, I sweated pools of gravy. "Boy, this is sure going to blow my diet!" she said, " Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes! Not a trace was left. As I regained my balance, I mumbled, "Bizarre."
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Oh, I remember, I put them in the pocket of my jacket. Let me go check." While we were waiting, a guy ran through the font doors waving a gun around!
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
"If it was sturdier maybe it could've handled it better!" Clearly the stress of the situation was getting to everyone, but the bickering stopped when we heard a loud explosion coming from the outhouse.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Ethan wanted to make scrambled eggs with them, but Xander yelled "NO! If we do that we might not survive the night!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap. That's the price you pay for neglecting it or using cheap stuff for fertilizer!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
she slurred with anger. "WHERE'S MY LUNCH!" Just then, Weldon appeared with a Rally's bag in each hand, giggling. Weldon, that is, not the Rally's bags. She grabbed them and shook them. And then ran. Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
We can just hold our breath. they jumped into the car and drove to the museum. They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum!
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Paris was never known for good manners. All the Parisians are very aloof, treating anyone with a different accent as scum. For example, when I offered a little old lady my seat on a bus, she exclaimed, " Where's that music coming from? It seems to be all around us!"
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
They had no time to lose. There was a sale on homemade play dough. It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Hey, we're valley girls AND we're blonde. We don't know much, but what we do know is that farts have been around as long as people have been eating vegetables. On that note, would you like some more teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea?
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier! We want you to stand tall and proud. Remember you are representing the United States of America, the most powerful country in the world!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something. Here, rinse it off with this sprayer. NOT AT ME! Aim it that way!" Quickly, I retrieved the wiggling hose and finished cleaning up.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I was so excited, but also apprehensive to be going back to college after so many years. I probably would not know anybody, but it would not take me long to find some new victims!
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Cuz cats like milk. Almost as much as they like washing the dishes. And if you let him wash the dishes, he may notice the soap bubbles drifting in the air, and that will remind him of days long gone by when he used to sit under the willow tree lanquidly blowing bubbles and drinking his tall cold glass of lemonade, and he would daydream about floating on his back in the swimming pool, feeling the warm sunshine and cool water, relaxing while listening to the sonic booms from the numberless jets flying overhead.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
The colors blended in the evening twilight until they all resembled mud pies. "How will we ever get all this mud off?" She whined. "Is anybody hurt?" I asked. "That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
"Are you nuts?!" I exclaimed. "How can you think about food at a time like this? Do you realize our first priority is AIR?" "Women!" He thought to himself, "
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
BE QUIET! BE QUIET!" And then he yelled it again with even more emphasis," REVENGE IS SWEET, AND A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!!"
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
What had happened?! We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
I don't know why, exactly. Probably having to do with the crispiness. There's just something not quite right about these buns.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
They clearly had been tanning for quite some time. "Hey you girls," I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer. Come and sample some of these fresh-baked biscuits with homemade apple butter and freshly churned butter. You cannot beat the taste!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head. Then they all stood in a circle and shouted the team's motto long and loud.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
However as soon as their buys went through, the Commissioner announced, " Batman. Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is. Thusly donned, they left--earning strange stares since the underwear was actually their outerwear. Sam said, The gravity is very different here, so don't be doing any jumping.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Interestingly enough Sir Greg headed for the gallows with great trepidation. As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons! he cried, "Save me from the hallowed gallows! I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!"
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
PLEASE!" his mom said, "your screen time is all used up for today. Tomorrow is a new day and you can renew your magazine subscriptions over the phone, but only if you act now!" So I hung up on him. I looked at Barrister, and said, "Hey, let bygones be bygones and let's all go out for anchovie pizza."
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you?
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks. exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
he wasn't. In fact, he still had enough time to play another game of Warlords Battlecry. Being only 10 battles away from finishing another campaign, he was anxious to see which orb he would get next.