Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time? I looked at the clock, and suddenly realized!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Who keeps a jar of real eyeballs? It's like a cry for help, or something. All this stuff had to be bagged and filed as evidence. We had a big job ahead of us: figuring out how to get in a vehicle fast enough to outrun the sun as it moved from east to west.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
How long is all this going to take? ! But just as I was ready to give up, around the corner came Santa Claus! He had an entourage of elves all singing "Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus!!" Much to my surprise, he was driving a golf cart outfitted with giant boom boxes. Everyone slapped their hands over their ears, and when he got close to them, they froze in shock, speechless with awe.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw. For some reason, security had been increased overnight by a factor of 10.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it and it was so slippery that I quickly had to unwrap a stick of butter and vigorously whipped the buttery mashed potatoes into a big mound of dog crap.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Their leader placed a salmon-pink square of floral embroidery on the table, her nails clacking the hard surface like the snap of a rib.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Don't they have anything better to do than trolling people in the middle of the night?" I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house. Yes my cousin and I painted it blue inside!
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
In the midst of all that excitement, the drummer suddenly stopped and there was silence for a tense moment. who knew when it would be time to refill my soda cup? I knew. It was right now! I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda. I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch!
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan. She asked, "How do we know this robo-vacuum will do any better a job than the last one?"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
And the popping in my ears was like I had never felt before ! Almost like I was back at wrestling training camp in Louisville, Kentucky.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store. They had every kind you could think of, but I was really drawn to the sparkly tissue wrapping paper! That and the snowflake ribbons reminded me of when I met the real Santa years ago. For the most part he was everything I'd expected and hoped: rosy cheeks, big exuberant belly laughs, and a warm and compassionate spirit, but what most people don't know is that he is an undercover agent with MI-6!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
But first, I needed to build a safety net! I bought a whole bunch of ropes at Ace Hardware and carefully wove them into a really strong basket we could use to swing ourselves across the chasm.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
NOT THOSE!!" Exasperated, I loaded my shotgun. No more screwing around. Sometimes, only brute force can solve a problem. Locked and loaded, I peeked out the cat door to see what all the commotion was about....
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I could take care of all the litter in the median! And I could become friends with all the nice men in the cute orange jumpsuits who were already out there in the wild blue yonder. Anyway I also thought Bill Miller's Barbecue might be a good place to work. Certainly the smells there would be delightful!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!" Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid!
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Hmmm... I think I will pick out a sweet little Donald Trump, the 45th president of the United States, wanted to meet Milo. All those Secret Service men! All those Body Guards! All those TV Crews! How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way,"
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
There, I was greeted by a flock of trained roadrunners! As a group, they ran ahead to lead me, looking behind every so often to be sure no roadrunners were following us.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. So instead I placed a couple business cards.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Ain't that something! We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road. That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
The cheese should go on first, though. If you put the cheese on last, the vegetables will get sour and moldy if you leave them out of the frig too long.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated. The best thing to do is take a minute to evaluate the situation, then decide which size pizza to order, the giant 18-inch, or should we order the small instead of the large? You don't want to get stuck with too much time on our hands, we decided just to go shopping.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Using ribbon and shrink wrap, I wrapped up all the junk I had found into neat little parcels and then advertised them on Ebay as "Mystery Gifts".
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Of course Xander won because he had the best aim, and because he also had the best laundry hamper in the whole building, word got around and students were constantly knocking on his door to see it!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
The holes were obviously caused by a hailstorm. Serendipity! We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use?? No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
The last time that happened, everything ended up pink. So, now we pre-treat the stains with a solution of water and detergent. Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces. We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket." These are handy to have around & have many uses. The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it." With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket. After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest. her suitcase, that is! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service. When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Sweating, I said "Give me that package!" But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Drivers yelling, managers yelling, the crowd yelling, everywhere there was space to put a composter!
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The only way this can be rectified is to put all the meats through the sausage grinder again and then display them in the windows, for all to admire. Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Unfortunately, just at the last second, I slipped in the mud and slid right into a big pile of manure. That was the last straw! He had had it! He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
More like Taitboys. Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
How peaceful and pretty. But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen! I couldn't believe my eyes!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Which he did, and amazingly, nothing happened. As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
And his line is "Ayyyy." Boooooo Wooooo was that an excellent comeback or what?! Wheeee we said as we sailed down the waterslide straight into a big pool of water mixed with just enough corn starch to Eat. Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid?
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
No wonder you feel weak and you don't want to see me when I'm angry. A better course of action would be to slap him in the face! Then yell, "Don't you dare ever do anything for you ever again!
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Afterwards, I took some oil and rubbed it on my arms to keep away the mosquitoes. It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt! I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me!
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise! I got my autograph book ready, and waited and waited and waited.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Maybe there is something in the staff refrigerator I could sample.... Sure enough...I opened the door and found a cup of Whoop-Ass! I immediately picked it up and threw it at him! He then carried the stack of folders over to the table and spread out the construction paper, blunt scissors, glitter, and glue.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read. Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, Family Handyman, as well as buckets of confetti, streamers, and plenty of loud outfits that we got from the thrift store.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
It's that time again: Get out a fresh, clean sheet of paper and a pen! Put some thought into all the good deeds you would like to do in the coming year.For instance if your neighbor needed his garbage taken to the dump, You could take it to the printer's and have it bound. And there you have it, in black and white: Do a good deed every day and twice a day be sure to , if at first you don't succeed, try, try again, then quit.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot. From there they will be handed out to homeless people.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
There's just that nagging feeling that all the sewage is seeping into the ground under the house. So we went into the crawl space and lo and behold! We found a small box, sealed to be watertight! How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue. Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
It's a good thing I was wearing my boots. The cave floor was piled high with years of bat guano. The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Maybe one choice would be Mr. T. I pity the fool! Quit your jibba-jabba! I ain't flying in no plane, you crazy alien from Mars! How did you get here? I bet you traveled on a expired visa! Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Not only would we sell lemonade, but we could also sell bags of ice. You know people really need those for seeing underwater. And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit. And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
When it happened, I spent the first 3 months just learning how to use this stupid new controller. Now on both wrists I have to wear elastic harnesses attached to the ropes which connect to 220 outlets.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I didn't care, I was finally able to lift my shoes from the sticky coke residue on the floor, and I put them on top of the stack of 16mm movie reels that I stole from the projection room when nobody was looking! "Bwahahaha!" I cackled gleefully.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
That's my peanut butter!! Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
It's napalm. In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
I pulled into the driveway, and in the moonlight I saw something shiny half-buried in leaves.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Counting sheep didn't work. Warm milk goes down like silk. But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
It's the apocalypse for sure! No wait, that's not blood, it's diarrhea. Someone must have manually opened the seal! Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust. Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
I thought about selling it on Ebay, then decided I should have it hermetically sealed in a glass case for prosterity, but in a flash, it was gone; Xander had snatched it out of my hands and devoured it. It was the last cake in the entire world of the once-fabled Hostess cake company.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Your good china, your sparkling wine. We were just about to open our second bottle when suddenly, hot marshmallow started oozing out around the oven door!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Grenadine! Straight from the can! Deee-licious! Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender. Ooops! I forgot to put on the lid! All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The stewardess offered us complimentary drinks as bubbly as she was. Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO. That's not champagne. It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
And when you do, tell him, ' Stop spilling used cat litter on the garage floor!'" No one wants to clean up smelly piles of rags soaked in gasoline, which I used to have as a collection when I went to college. I really could not bear to throw away all those memories.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
I retorted. "I don't want the malls to close until midnight! Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!" "NO WAY!" I retorted.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
I went outside to water my plants, when suddenly I heard the deep guttural voice of a zombie! It scared me so badly that I screamed, " Where's my money, you silly stupid old fool?" Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
The best teachers for this activity are female ! But that's OK! As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
We surrepticiously crossed the street and found a a secret cave lined with dozens of bats and hundreds of poopy tax return pages. "Hmm, he must have run out of TP and used this instead."
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil. Within moments they were fast asleep, and I was able to turn flips so fast that we could not keep our eyes focused; nor could we show our face in Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Your insurance will not cover this! Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly. Better than perfect, in fact!" The doctor beamed and said "Your vision is 20 over 200 and you are definitely a candidate for surgery.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence. Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! What a revolting development!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
And I hadn't saved my game! I was so mad! I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration. Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So get out the special shears and with great vigor attack the dogs which had taken to pooping on the lawn. One bladder-full of liquid waste would wreak havoc with my expensive Mantis tiller, which is however so lightweight, that I can carry it with one hand, while I walk around the block six or seven times.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I was way too busy to mess with them. that every day I need to load Oblivion and do some more killin'. More killin' means more XP and loot, which I'll need in order to keep the cats off the floor I built a neat wooden dining table complete with a covering of Chee-tohs dust.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph. Well you'll never know unless you try!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!"
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills?
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year. What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination".
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
In fact, it actually smelled like fertilizor! Confused, I said, " Please don't eat me! I promise to stay out of your way, and believe me, you'll never know that I used a degreazor!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits. I was thinking Goldman and Sachs.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side). We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I first used it to wipe my nose. I needed no distractions ,I had to be totally focused because of the traffic snarls, the icy streets, and the crazy dudes out front with the pots and handbells. Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, "
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools. That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house. We used snow shovels most of the time, but sometimes we used cloth diapers when we ran out of all the clean air in the house was being gradually contaminated by the encroaching fog of green stench.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
There's no way I am going to invite those idiots to my birthday party so they can eat all my gourmet pastries were sitting on the counter, and I reached for the mop to bang on the ceiling.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Of course, while we're there, we'll check out the local caves.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Couldn't we get another sponsor, one who won't make us wear these stupid ballcaps?
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
And it was beeping! Actually it sounded like a pretty good idea. So I went ahead and drank my own urine, since that was the only way to survive.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Every time I see them my appetite goes through the roof! I could eat them all day, breakfast lunch and dinner. That's why I always go to the salad bar. Then I can pick out veggies that have the lowest number of meals per day.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I expect a response from the navigator because I really think we are lost! I don't recognize anything down below. I think we may have flown into enemy territory! And you know what that means! That means we will have to try to land at the closest airport we can find! Don't be alarmed at a change in plans, just make your face like flint, give it full throttle and close your eyes!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
After all, if it weren't for brainiacs, nothing cool would ever get invented.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
It must have been 30 feet into the air. We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things."
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Get out of my office, you'll never be in the Space Marines!' Then I hung up and dialed the sheriff and asked him to come right away. Before I knew it, what should pull up in my driveway?! It was a car full of phase rifles and doom grenades! the driver said. "Hop in and tell me where you want to go.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Fluff up our pillows! Don't you know who we are? a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
My first appearance on TV! MY own Cooking Show! The studio kitchen was sparkling, brand new appliances, and plenty of brandy.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
More punk colors: here, stripe your hair with this purple and this pink! That will make you look like Fonzie.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
He liked good ol' cane sugar, while she preferred tea to coffee, it was good to try something new for a change, so she ordered a lemon cookie with her tea.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
How fast can this thing go?" Stunned, I replied "But it was right here! I put it there myself!" I was completely flabbergasted! I had lost my third game of shuffleboard!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Hop, hop, hop!" He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet. One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it. The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
And I'm all for a healthy diet, but don't you think you're taking it a little far?" She just couldn't understand why anyone would resolve not to exercise. I mean what are we here for?
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!" Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy. It's all about finding the sources of disposable cellphones.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower. It was so beautiful and from outer space it looked even more chaotic.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Something was different this morning...was it...quieter somehow...yes, the hum of the air conditioner was gone! Surprised, I realized it must be in Texas, not Kansas after all. How did I get here? It's so hot and the heat makes me feel like dancing! It makes me want to dance!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight! "Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff."
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
She must weigh close to 350 pounds. But that's OK. that's right... Perfect! She's a door.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive. To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive. And that is hard to find.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Nonchalantly, I disassembled the fallacious evolution display with a sledgehammer. Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I'm going to climb up to the top shelf and get one myself! With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods? Point out to me what you are choosing: to live a normal life, or to waste away like an orchid in Death Valley. Because that's where you are, you know-- but try not to think about it. It's counter-productive. Stay focused on eating everything in sight.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
It was beautiful! Shining through from underneath were rows and rows of seats for the home theater. We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Meanwhile, across the street, the DNC rally was handing out free copies of the Communist Manifesto, which were all autographed by Snoop Doggy Dog and Jesse Jackson. What a prize! I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
A messenger was sent to the prison chaplain's office to plead his case.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
He didn't understand the concept of shining a sink. What's the big deal? And who has time to do that? He cleaned his sink when the water would not go down any more.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
He stuck his face near, took a deep smell, and yelled, "I know exactly what it is! It's American cheese that you saved to see if it would decompose!" "Oh, yeah! That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with?
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Being careful of the broken glass, I hurried to the comic book store to see if I made the cover of the new HULK SMASH!
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
He yelled "Stop the presses! Stop the presses!!" The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
What those vegans need are some good old pork rinds deep fried in lots of bubbly champagne. See, if you drink enough champagne, you forget you're on this lousy vegetarian diet, and you're free to create stupendous sculptures made from multicolored tofu.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Mix it up real good, and boom! You have home-made napalm. I love the smell of cedar. You can just sit in the shade of the trees and enjoy the breeze and listen to the crunching of the tacos, the sloshing of the margaritas, and the sizzling of the fajitas.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
We could only watch in amazement, envying her strength and grace. "How beautiful are the deep pools of blue that are your eyes. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie." (SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Giant scorpions, venomous snakes and worse hounded our every step. We turned a corner and tripped over a string somebody had stretched along near the floor! "Why would somebody put that there?" I grumbled as I tried my best not to throw up. It wasn't easy I can tell you. I pursed my lips and grimaced and I then proceeded to back up.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
"You overcharged me for that GI Joe figure! Now, YOU'RE gonna pay!" I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves. As the dust settled and my panic eased, I calmly put my .357 Magnum back in its holster and continued my search for stuffed moose heads to hang on my office wall.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
That's the way we do things around here. And sometimes I had to bash some heads to make it happen. someone yelled, "have you seen those platinum handcuffs that were in the display case?!! They're missing! The sargeant will have our heads in we don't find them!
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
The dirt from my past several weeks of work had crusted upon itself to the point that it could begin to flake off in great chunks, and I could see the blue cloth beneath.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
"It's so humid and hot here. I'm so sweaty." Everyone agreed and started looking around. "Look at all these fossilized bones.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
It's a weed. So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola! Especially if your own son is a pothead!! If you see one of these, pull it up! It's a weed.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Three tires were fine, but the fourth tire was almost flat! I got the hose inserted into the tire and put in 25 pounds of gas! Then he got on the motorcycle, but it wouldn't roll. He realized he needed to oil his wheels.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Luckily, Rosita's father had a good catch of fish from earlier that day. Digging a hole in the sand, they lay down some firewood.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
We hope you enjoy your stay! Surely your first stop will be to eat at an outdoor cafe. There you will be served by a garcon and he will bring you a complimenary flute of champagne, bubbly and faintly smelling of sewer gas.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
Look in your other pockets and see if you can find any more Barbie dolls for Haley so she can play dolls with her sister and also with her cousin, Ethan." But enough about that. They had no time to lose. There was a sale on homemade play dough. It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan".
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Now that's what I call skilled. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
the Sarge growled, "You're goin'! So pull yourself together and straighten up that posture, soldier!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Do we, guys?" He chuckled as he called over his shoulder to the crew. They all laughed nervously because they knew where this was headed.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Hearing our calls, suddenly out of the dean's office appeared a lovely young woman. From her shiny blonde hair to her pretty face, impeccable spring pastel suit and pristine, stylish shoes, she was the picture of confident perfection.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
"Hello, Mr. Martin! Do you have any CHEESE?!! We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
Imagine getting so sick on that food! What was in it? It must have been cooked with bacon grease. That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
He thought to himself, " They are so scared of their shadows! Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE!
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
BE QUIET! BE QUIET! BE QUIET!" And then he yelled it again with even more emphasis," REVENGE IS SWEET, AND A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!!" By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
She looked at me and said, "You look so sad. Why are you so blue? I think you need to sit in this massage chair and just relax. Here, I will turn on some soft music.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
They must have accumulated for years! Here, take this old spatula and whack the back of the head of any customers who don't agree to 'super-size' their combos."
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Just be sure to brush your teeth after, though, the dark green bits between her teeth showed up in the camera shot.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Then they all stood in a circle and shouted the team's motto long and loud. And that motto was " Dance like no one's watching!" "I don't care what anyone thinks , real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!" With that, he jumped into the air doing a phoenix burning somersault, and launched himself into a flying killer leap, landing on his arch enemy and completely smashing his record for number of enemies smashed with a single swing of his Bayou Croc Crescent Kick.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Unless they're going down. In which case, he proceeded to sweep up all the ticker tape from the Exchange floor. But he decided he needed help, so he asked a group of socialist insurgents to stop making so much racket and go buy them lunch.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Thusly donned, they left--earning strange stares since the underwear was actually their outerwear. Sam said, The gravity is very different here, so don't be doing any jumping.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!" The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." he cried, "Save me from the hallowed gallows!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
This time the judge actually intervened, calling for a brief break, giving him time to steer the ship through the minefield. There were a few close calls, but after about 20 tense minutes she gave up. "I'm so stressed out I can't think. I need a break." So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Class is now in session, I'm gonna try 'n' reach ya. After the rap was over, Greg stood up and shouted, "There will be no discussion!" Invigored with his courage, again he shouted, " and pounded his shoe on the table for effect.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy. I mean, he didn't even mention the name of the deceased! He spent most of the time talking about himself. As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
They would never be poor again! And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away. Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping.