Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Whee! Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer! Will we run out of time to catch the sunset. Phooey! Yes, phooey! Now I have to wait 23 1/2 hours to get to see the moonflower bloom!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
We had a big job ahead of us: figuring out how to get in a vehicle fast enough to outrun the sun as it moved from east to west. Turns out it has to be going 1,000 miles an hour, so obviously a car was out.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full. However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass!
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
How did it appear so suddenly? The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later. So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Appearing in the midst of the carnage was Metallica, inside the mouth of a giant robot dinosaur. They immediately began playing their trademark heavy metal rock music.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Instead, go mallwalking! While you're there, make sure you order at least one latte and sit by a window as you watch go by the wayside.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Yeah, like actual dust from a fairy, we couldn't believe it. A little dude with wings showed up with a handful of sparkly crap. Anyway, it backfired horribly: we were just covered in kiwi fruit puree and crushed red cherries and pineapple.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
I just decided not to go to the store again. I put out 2 bowls and closed the ledger with an authoritative clap." Everyone knew what that meant: the information in there was the only thing standing between them and total loss of cat fur.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
I barely got 30 pages into Atlas Shrugged." He then went back to playing his video game, and I was left to my own devices as far as getting the electricity going again in the house. It was dark, I could not play my games, all in all, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck going 80 mph.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
When the martini glasses were all empty, we washed them with our carpet shampooer. That thing has really come in handy! After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over. They would be so impressed with my new toy' When they arrived they looked at my grand display and with great enthusiam, they said, "
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
We gathered all that in a little pile, and then went looking for the all important matches. Can't have a fire without matches. For good measure he also grabbed a can of whoopass should do the tric' Nevertheless, let us with all due diligence seek to find a pool of water or a stream or something to put the fire out!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open....
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Just thinking about that garage is tying my gut in knots! I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it. It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
After all I don't want hands that look like a pair of sunglasses! How fun! And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby. Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm. "Stand back!" But Boppy exclaimed, "I can't kill it if I've named it!" No one could argue with that.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums." That sounded good, but I had to wonder if there would be enough butter pecan ice cream to go around. I mean there were a lot of people here, and it looked as if every single one of them had brought their A-game.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
"Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. So instead I placed a couple business cards. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. I reached out to put the flowers atop the tombstone, only to find that squirrels had eaten them while I wasn't looking.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!! I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
I am sure Donald Trump himself would order at least five! Then arrange them attractively around the orange pools of grease that the pepperoni left behind. Or, you could try sopping up the grease with handfuls of brand new copper pennies!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun! And just in time, too. Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
It was from the party last night! Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza! And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes. The matching outfits looked kind of amateur, but the makeup and wigs more than made up for it with Cherry Blossom Bubble Bath!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Late into the night, the whole hall could the CLANG CLANG CLANG, the sound of rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
I blurbled. He looked at me like I was an idiot. he said as we sped toward the marina.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
The beauty of the Stump Vine is in its elegant foliage and its unique bark. In fact, the bark is so smooth, yet at the same time it is also dying! That's the second stump vine to die this season. I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth. The last time that happened, everything ended up pink.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
You could easily run into a large elk, arctic fox, or other similar sleds and sleighs, all designed to go really fast down a snowy hill, as long as they were not running around in their underwear as if they were about to take the Polar Bear Plunge.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket! And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity. Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Make sure you never tie a yellow ribbon 'round that old oak tree, because this is a Jonny Cash town, you hear? If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say "
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna! The only way this can be rectified is to put all the meats through the sausage grinder again and then display them in the windows, for all to admire.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Better get out that rake because the leaves will be coming down ! You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard. he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Another stupid bunch of words. Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose. sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !! I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Yum! Freshly cooked potatoes, chopped onions, pickle relish, and I stirred it all up with 3 big dollops of sour cream. Add to that some bacon bits, green onions, and some shredded cheese, now you've got the perfect Greg Pizza. Toss it in the oven and voila, we are ready for a big bite of a Dagwood sandwich!
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Because if that happened we would all have to go back to writing cards and letters. How different that was! We had to wait days or weeks for an answer! Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles. I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
And his line is "Ayyyy." Boooooo Wooooo was that an excellent comeback or what?! Wheeee we said as we sailed down the waterslide straight into a big pool of water mixed with just enough corn starch to Eat. Whaaaaat are you saying?
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
A better course of action would be to slap him in the face! Then yell, "Don't you dare ever do anything for you ever again! I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Before I could explain myself, the owner of the garden center rushed over, alarmed yet civil, and insisted that I present certification from the county that I had been approved to dig an artificial pond. Unperturbed, I instead presented him with the business end of my shovel, and I washed the dirt off with a scrubbrush and hot soapy water.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
It was a cupmeatcake. But we weren't done yet! Next we put the pastel cupcake wrappers in the muffin pan and put it in the larger mixing bowl.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
But that's OK, because I'd spent the last 10 years slowly building up resistance to arsenic.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
I immediately picked it up and threw it at him! He then carried the stack of folders over to the table and spread out the construction paper, blunt scissors, glitter, and glue. Then with them the children proceeded to make cookies to sell to raise enough money for Bonnie's bail bond.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
When the crowd gets here, each person will be handed a bottle and with it they will proceed to decorate the room by sprinkling it everywhere: the carpet, the tables, the chairs were all covered with cat hair!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "Haha! W.C. Fields said that!" I exclaimed. "OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
I think we deserve it ! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power!
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
"HaHa! That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet! Some people think they are dead! But they're just acting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Finally I had to say Good night to my Chat buddies, and in unison they all said to me, " We're doing an intervention." Of course, this was completely ludicrous to me because I always like to play solo and joining a team at this juncture would be such a bad idea that my Hot Pockets supply would be depleted, and I would also run out of a deep dark tunnel lined with spider webs and hanging from the ceiling were bats!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
I figured that third choice made perfect sense because he had just eaten a loaf of bread the size of his head.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Last time we had an all-night video game marathon, the beer alone cost me all the money I made mowing lawns all summer!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
SHUT THAT OFF!" I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang " Should old acquaintance[s] be forgot, and never brought to mind, then I'll never see you again, and that suits me just fine."
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
When I take walks it's usually for fitness purposes, so I'll take the same route. It's easier to keep track of distance that way. But this time I decided just to enjoy the moment. Off in the distance, I noticed reflected from the street lamp, 2 yellow eyes staring at me.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure. Nearby there was a lurking police car. People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle. We'll have to get the horses in on it too. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests! Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Considering his knowledge of continental drift, they must have thought that he had a colonic explosion ! The odor was horrific, so bad in fact that they turned up the thermostat. she whined as she tugged her jacket tigher around herself. This crazy weather had been going on for thousands of years.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Go for gold! With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
What if we ran out of food?!! Would any stores be open? I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Those hobbitses are always stealing from us. Those nasty little roaches were everywhere! Someone must have left food in here!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion! Now he has great breath!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
There was no time for making pizza. We are running out of time! We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage. ice cream.... Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
On the way out, I accidentally tipped over the trash can and out spilled a whole bunch of jelly beans, which inexplicably caused an entomological cavalcade of roaches to march onto the counter. "AAAAAHH!" the clerk exclaimed, " You are trying to pay me with counterfeit money!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
The reason must be that I ate too much brains! I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way. So I added a whole line of new models of subcompacts. They're inexpensive, have great fuel economy, and just as importantly you must have lots of sunflowers.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
We surrepticiously crossed the street and found a a secret cave lined with dozens of bats and hundreds of poopy tax return pages.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E. Cheese and eat lots of crap pizza and drink cheap beer. After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
First into each eye we will put some Vicodin in your hand.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Abiathar needs Artorios's help. So Abiathar asked him to pass the potatoes. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres! I knew I had to think fast. ready! Let the battle begin! The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box! I knew it was full of video games which I had ordered.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Always offering unsolicited advice. I've got half a mind to take a nap in the nearby hammock. Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area. They would love this pretty new space complete with not one but two cores per CPU, giving it inherent multiprocessing power.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter. Like a tax hike in a Democrat controlled Congress."
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Instead, we gave him two strawberry Twinkies which worked remarkably well, considering that he was dangerously close to defaulting on his car loan.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
It had been way too long since I had enjoyed their crusty planks of fried chicken from Long John Silver. I dunked them in a thing of tartar sauce, then demanded some pieces of carbon paper to make some old-fashioned copies of himself from the cloning machine!!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!" I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective. we snarled informally. Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume. This will surely impress them! They'll be so impressed they will spew! Just kidding, of course, but who knows, you may end up in Swaziland, in a dark jungle, surrounded by insipid but angry Frenchmen frothing epithets at us proudly patriotic Americans.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
They were givin away a big pink inflatable heart for Valentine's Day, which was just around the corner, and there it was: a brand new Hobby Shop stocked with every kind of Christmas light you could imagine!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!! Luckily, they had heard this brainteazor before, (or hopefully one of them was a good gueszor).
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Thoroughly disgusted, we threw up our arms and shouted, "THIS STORE SUCKS!!" Needless to say, the manager had never heard such beautiful singing in his life. He smiled, sat down and boo-hooed right there in the mall. What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go!
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers. I tried to hit the button to open the drawer, but it really didn't matter if a few pickles fell on the floor.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Is this a real story??!! What are you thinking?! = Waa waa waa waa I'm all out of cough syrup!!!!!!!! You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C. Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
taking this class. In fact most of the students looked at least as old as MS-DOS. Which would put it at about 25 years old. There was also an acoustic coupler modem on display.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle." "Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time. To do this, you just need a lot of patience. One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house. We used snow shovels most of the time, but sometimes we used cloth diapers when we ran out of all the clean air in the house was being gradually contaminated by the encroaching fog of green stench.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Well, safer, anyway. There's no telling what we will do if we start down that mountain and our brakes give out! We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area. Of course, while we're there, we'll check out the local caves. I know it will be cool in there, and who knows?
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
It's a terrible thing to lose your train of thought in such an intense environment! You have to be able to think on your feet!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush. And when you go be sure you ask the customer service person there, how to install a low-flow toilet.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
"Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale. So when we advertised it, we exaggerated a little bit to get more people to show up.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good! I expect a response from the navigator because I really think we are lost! I don't recognize anything down below. I think we may have flown into enemy territory!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really?
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof. They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment. For example, on the second level there will be a round hole, facing a raging fireplace. Maybe it was a bad idea to build the cat condo prototype out of styrofoam.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools! They wear out or break even before you've finished one project! It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Your armor will display the insignia of your Marine squad, right above the eyebrow, and right below the lower lip there was a kid who wanted to touch my eyeball. I said 'NO, you can't touch my eyeball! Get out of my office, you'll never be in the Space Marines!' Then I hung up and dialed the sheriff and asked him to come right away.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Yeee-haw! As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning". immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
You can find some strange things, like one time I found a fly in my soup so I killed the whole town. Another time I totally uppercut some guy because he opened a window." Now that's what I call a breakfast drink! 'Cause honey, I ain't in it for the cocoa, I'm in it for the marshmallows!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
And a tattoo to match! and on the back it would say "got r00t?" Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties. We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
I told her, "You have to SMILE at the customer! Make them feel welcome!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
My first ocean cruise! I flew to Miami and boarded the beautiful liner with all the other baggage, getting stowed in the hold. The weather was balmy and perfect. It seemed a good time to take a walk around the deck and breathe in a lot of fresh fish! "That's amazing!" He said. "Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors?
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks? It cannot be possible! Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Then the network switched over to the ads, which are even louder and more frenetic than the shows! in fact, the clothes are alive!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
A spy, to be precise. My headquarters is Spy Base Alpha, and from here we have access to all communications satellites, private and government-owned foreign and domestic.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Ah the warm desert air blowing from the west, bringing with it a great deal of heat. I wished I'd brought my sunglasses with me. I checked for other supplies: bandoliers, ammo, and flak jackets.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Then she got a large mocha latte and headed for the checkout counter, loaded with gift selections. En route, we stopped at Arby's to eat. Unfortunately the sandwiches were cold and tasted old. And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
To help me, I want to ask Mr. Trump if he will sponsor our expo. we'll be able to afford all the makeup we will ever need. And big mirrors too. When we look into the mirrors, we want to see a little more attitude.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
That's such a relaxing and beautiful big pouffy couch. Come and sit on it, and you will feel the stress leave your body quickly. might I recommend a jackhammer operator? Your first day will probably be the least fun because you will have to get all your shots and make sure your coffee maker is off when you leave the house.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
No one would find it there. Nonchalantly, I disassembled the fallacious evolution display with a sledgehammer. Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
They were piled to the ceiling in a very haphazard manner. This did not look good! I yelled, "We need a pilot!...No, I mean a forklift driver!"
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same. Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods? Point out to me what you are choosing: to live a normal life, or to waste away like an orchid in Death Valley.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people. On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Paint, easels, brushes were all flying out the window and straight into the exit tunnel! Running as fast as he could, he yelled over his shoulder, "I've had enough of this!"
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Puzzling over this, he decided to call for help from the adjoining nest, so they could quickly get the worms underground before the birds got them.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Disgusted and demoralized, I bent to clean it up. The broken nose was so out of joint that breathing was difficult. Something had to be done! The doctor quickly cleaned the nostrils and inserted a peanut-butter sandwich into the VCR.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I'm cracking up! I need to stop and take a break. I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold. It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!" Who knows how long that had been there! "That's disgusting!" I said. "We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
It wasn't the first time we had heard it. The building shook with a bone-buzzing boom! Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I just looked the other way, because the PTA President had a booger on her nose.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head! but we grabbed him and wanted to turn him inside out, if you know what I mean.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
They lay in wet piles atop the sewer grates, and rats slithered out and began to dance on the grates! It was unbelievable! Why one of them was playing the saxophone, and the tune was "
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
So flush it out with some oat bran! Unless you want to die early! Add oat bran to your oatmeal! Add it to your yogurt! he said as he took another bite of his steak. It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
What could beat that?!! Now to wash our hands. Let's use this Spanish-English dictionary to figure out what the heck they're saying! I have no idea how to get to the Transportation Museum. I want to see the Pullman cars again and sit on the sofas made from styrofoam and gasoline.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
First lift your right leg and touch your toes on the edge of the piano. We were lucky enough to have live piano music to dance to. Which makes sense, actually, because the piano player had sprained his ankle and couldn't show up. So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar. It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side. He howled, more in anger than pain for nothing could make a person madder than a knock on the nose.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
For all of them I would need a room the size of plums! "Ooh. That's very nice," I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
The fun is just beginning. Now we are headed for the North Pole! We will be on top of the world! Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Spittle flew from his jabbering lips as he said to the man behind bars, "Go wash your hands in that sink over there. Here use this bar of soap and dry your hands with this yellow nametag, I would be blend in with the other visitors.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Clearly the stress of the situation was getting to everyone, but the bickering stopped when we heard a loud explosion coming from the outhouse. Then we realized it was just Sid fartin'. He does that whenever the pigs and hogs won't share their slop.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
The sun was sinking fast and we were running out of battery power. Soon it would be dark and we would be in the dark with no flashlights. It was getting scarier by the minute, so we decided to resign ourselves to our fate. Surrounded, it was only a matter of time before we got turned into dino-hors d'ouevres.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden. There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass. Oh yes, and don't forget the fresh-baked biscuits that were brought to us by UPS, the BROWN people.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on. Now she was getting mad because he wasn't answering her. He knew she was mad because she turned into a werewolf!
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
She knew they wouldn't harm her. Just one look at the M-60 machine gun she had slung easily over her shoulder and they knew she meant business. Molly was almost 7 feet tall and weighed 260 lbs.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
With that, we immediately went to to the great cathedral, Notre Dame. When we walked through the great doors, everything was very quiet. The huge stained glass windows glowed from the sunshine outside.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I'm really getting tired and hungry. I want a Brown Mule. Let's go find an ice cream freezer in this place, and look in it to see if we can find some quarters so we can play a few final video games before we have to go."
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Maybe it's to interrupt conversations with long drawn-own guttural (Yeah from the gut to be sure!) sounds that brought with them whisps of sickening smells that were sure to make even a strong man wilt like a flower that's been in the sun too long. Everyone would be like, " Hey, we're valley girls AND we're blonde.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on. I soon decided barefoot was good........if your feet were hot.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
The joyful ringing of their laughter reached all the way to Route 17. Traffic was stopping just to listen. Pretty soon the whole parking lot was full of chicken nuggets! Hundreds of them! Crate after crate of chicken nuggets! "This isn't right!" I exclaimed. "Pops doesn't sell chicken nuggets!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Cuz I really, really, REALLY gotta go." she said, laughing. "Go down that hall and take the third right, the take a quick left, to down the stairs, go through the double doors then down the hall, take the first right, the second left, up the single flight of steps, and then you will be in jail!
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
She whined. "Is anybody hurt?" I asked. "That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going." "That's terrible, who would have thought ice cream could melt so fast!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
someone complained, "You'll use up all our air!" But I knew she was wrong because she was always wrong. "I have a better idea," I said, "Why don't you shnie that light over here?
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Stay still and don't move a muscle. The sniper has a laser scope focused right on your forehead." I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
What had happened?! We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
All the customers just love the big hot greasy patties served with generous chunks of meat. What kind of meat? No one knew! It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil! "You'd better be careful or that might fall in in big vat of boiling hot french fry grease.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
But before she could drink it, she had to add a spoonful of honey and a little squirt of diarrhea, and she knew she should haven't eaten that greasy platter of fries and fried chicken with extra grease.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
But what's that sound? It was his arch-enemy approaching! Oh No! Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. Ever. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Unfortunately, they were disappointed to find no atmosphere! Now what?!! "I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits. What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
he cried, "Save me from the hallowed gallows! I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!" The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Lord Elsington exclaimed. But Barrister denied that his client had done any real wrong. The prosecutor, Miss Na Tasha scrambled up fuming.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
That wall of fatigue that just suddenly hits you when you've eaten salmonella-laden salad at Ponderosa Steak House. The you have to absolutely rush to get to the place.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Rubbing her sore shoulder, she asked the nearest patron "What does a girl have to do to get some service around here?!" Her manner frightened the man somewhat, so he stammered Woo Baby, I just wet my pants! Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.