Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Hey, there's always Waffle House. And thinking of that, what does a dog like to eat for breakfast?? Woofles and Pooched Egg'! what say you?"
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Something stinks, and it's not the flowers. Time for a change of clothes: work boots, old jeans, and that t-shirt with a hole in it will be the perfect outfit for attending the funeral. The key is to look sharp because that's respectful, but not so sharp that you draw attention to yourself.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
We stared transfixed at the huge, lit-up menu, offering a panoply of mouth-watering pies, sweet and savory. There was even food for the animals! Suet for the birds, hay for the deer, and for the squirrels, there was no end of torment.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Happy and relieved, we smiled and stepped through the revolving door only to be snagged into a continual rotation! We could not get out! we were getting so dizzy, and as a last resort we tried crawling on our hands and knees.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
We started looking for the giblets. You boil those separately. They make good broth. Once you're sure you have them all, put them in your mouth. Let's quit beating around the bush here, we're all hungry.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The band would not wait! They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?" I was so frustrated because it seemed like I had been so close to finishing! All I had left to do was type in my weight, and the computer quickly printed out a menu listing these choices: 1) Broiled troll leg with capers, 2) spicy troll soup with tortilla strips and shaved truffles, and 3) chopped troll with candied bacon bits and guacamole.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
In the midst of all that excitement, the drummer suddenly stopped and there was silence for a tense moment. who knew when it would be time to refill my soda cup? I knew. It was right now! I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
So I made a catnip tea and put out 2 bowls of it. After drinking their fill...woohoo! they then proceeded to let loose a tremendous battle cry, striking fear into the hearts of their enemies.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
I was still lucid enough to know I was falling toward the mat, and out of the corner of my bloodshot eyes I could see the towering frame of London Bridge, shaking with laughter, as he said " When is the pizza guy going to get here?!! If I have to wait any longer, I will have to make a point to go to bed early tonight.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
We must keep up our strength while we do all this wrapping! Please, help yourself to another cup of egg nog. Now have a seat and relax. Lean back and contemplate what you are going to do next: wrap more presents, or eat ALL the Christmas cookies. Oooh, there's a whole jug of egg nog!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery. It spoke no English, but followed orders well. He was also very mannerly. I could take lessons from him, because I want to change the name of this story to "Who's Sorry Now?!"When Xander heard that, he balled up his fist and smashed the walnut as hard as he could.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open.... I was so afraid to look. I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Man! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store! I felt soooo proud! It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I could take care of all the litter in the median! And I could become friends with all the nice men in the cute orange jumpsuits who were already out there in the wild blue yonder. Anyway I also thought Bill Miller's Barbecue might be a good place to work.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
But first I got to see his dorm building and room. In his room I was surprised to see a tick crawling on my shoe. Ick! I hadn't even considered bringing bug spray.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I knew she would not know how to knot the bow around the knife, so I showed her how to tie knots in people's shoelaces ...joined...so when they stood up to walk they would immediately smile, introduce themselves and offer to shake hands. Naturally, our response to that would be to laugh hysterically and roll on the floor.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
To keep warm, you can wrap up in layers of warm clothing. And don't forget to put on deodorant because you don't know who you might run into. You might even run into a zamboni! And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Something that tastes this good should be offered in the Trump Tower restaurant!! I am sure Donald Trump himself would order at least five! Then arrange them attractively around the orange pools of grease that the pepperoni left behind.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
You don't want to get stuck with too much time on our hands, we decided just to go shopping. First we went to Cosco and loaded up on lots of wood glue, posterboard, hammers, and nuclear material. That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
High-fiving all around, we proceeded to hunt for what we would need: big gift baskets filled with bubble bath, chocolate candy, and packets of candy. she declared. So everyone worked together to assemble them. Using ribbon and shrink wrap, I wrapped up all the junk I had found into neat little parcels and then advertised them on Ebay as "Mystery Gifts".
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
!!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots! Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave! Xander's new home and everyone in the dorm gathered there to eat fresh bread and butter.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Look at that big dent! Why, it is as big as a polar bear! Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat." "What is that horrible stench?!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I sat down with my neighbor Jed to shoot the breeze and chew tobacky, and I told him that people around here would know what he's talking about. They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
What a great product! And the name of it was " Your dearest wish come true." Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
He's such a meanie! He's a gigantic snowman reclining in a lawn chair. Is that cool or not? Glo-Quips sent a photographer and when he came by, he shoveled the sidewalk in front of their french doors, even though everybody knows they never salt the roads anymore because the salt rusts out the undercarriage of the metal railing.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
But, they were so hungry that they did not have enough cash to pay for the purchases at Costco, so they emptied all their pockets and ended up with the dollar amount of $ 4, payable in two Thomas Jefferson bills.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew. Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers. Maybe it was because their kitchens were so well-organized.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
That should really help because my nose would not stop running. How annoying. I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!" The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
What a great hiding place! After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box! The only way to cover that will be to file bankruptcy!! Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I bet you can figure how that turned out. That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile. I told him I could compost those yard clippings, but he said "
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
They were holding handkerchiefs over their noses and were mumbling, " Aaahhh! and proceeded to have a coughing fit that lasted for approximately 20 seconds.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
"Now get ready for the fall!" He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice. Talk about getting ready to fall! Getting ready for falling? Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
He slowly inched through the pasture field dodging cow pies and carefully watching out for the hot-tempered bull, which was hiding behind a clump of weeds. The General abruptly stiffened with alertness. Creeping forward, he spotted a fire ant hill right in his path !! Oh no!
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Greg started the seedlings from vintage seeds nestled in a tray of fortified walls to keep out the zombies! And giant spikes made out of wood logs!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Yum! Freshly cooked potatoes, chopped onions, pickle relish, and I stirred it all up with 3 big dollops of sour cream. Add to that some bacon bits, green onions, and some shredded cheese, now you've got the perfect Greg Pizza.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Like the time when he says, "I'm sorry but your son-in-law has cancelled your phone service. We can start a new contract for you and bill it to the nearest patriarch." Another important thing to think about is how are you going to protect your phone from accidental impacts? For that, you probably want to consider buying a 15,000 amp generator.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Hey heeeeyyyyy sounds like someone is trying to be cool, but no one is cooler than the real Fonz. And his line is "Ayyyy." Boooooo Wooooo was that an excellent comeback or what?! Wheeee we said as we sailed down the waterslide straight into a big pool of water mixed with just enough corn starch to Eat.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets. If something is missing, always remember: look under the couch cushions for any stray peanuts. I am sure I lost some. We want to make our own peanut butter in our new electric hot tub.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Obviously that will help improve the borders of the property by planting every 18 inches a small new sprout. So many new beginnings! It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Then I added multi-colored sprinkles and a few well-placed dabs of icing. Decorating is the part that's the most fun. Be creative! You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really? The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on. I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really?
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc. It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie! Those crazy kids need more medications for their birthdays! Each person gets to pick a teacher to go home with.....we pick Miss Bonnie!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
They were cheap, but smelled like peppermint cocoa....yum !! I could drink a giant mug of that! And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
So the next morning try again. Every new day is a new chance to redeem all your failures of last year simply by giving yourself room to dream of the possibilities. Sometimes all it takes is a little gutsy resolve! So anyone can decide tomorrow will be a new day and when you wake up, the first thing you should do is get an accountability partner.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Presents to sort! The wrapping paper I bought on Dec. 26....where was it??I found all of it in the back of the car. The first step is to acquire the presents. Second, you have to get someone to put their finger in the middle of a bow, so you can pull out just as much as you need.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
Now that's classy! Another thing to consider: Christmas dinner table centerpieces. My favorite thing to use for that is a treetop angel...dressed in silver and gold and on her head wpuld be a sparkling grape juice instead of champagne. "What!" I exclaimed.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet ! Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious." Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
He then extemporaneously launched into song. he declared, "And it's dedicated to freezing peoples' brains so they can be revived at a later date. Each person has to pick which future century they want and they can also pick out what kind of simulation they wanted to be in during the operation.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!! We have only so many square inches of skin! Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there. Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang "
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Off in the distance, I noticed reflected from the street lamp, 2 yellow eyes staring at me. I slowed my walking and waited to see whether it would fall from its own weight.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Quick!! Get on him, before he prepared the meal. Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
HAHAHA!! There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle. We'll have to get the horses in on it too. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests! Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens. It used gravity wells and quantum tunneling to launch giant blue whales from every port in the country, in celebration of the Year of Cheese!
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
A better strategy is just to start fresh! Get organized! Go for gold! With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town! But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!" We don't have time to cook it in the oven!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I had spent many, many hours designing, constructing, and then renovating my secret underground lab. It was filled with zombie bits and scattered brains. I was at my wit's end! I figured I would clean it up with the blood of my enemies!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Then you know what happens! I have to poop! But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
To begin with you need a plan and some money for new shelves. Not just any shelves, but the kind that are made of old rotten athletic shoes. I had dozens of them, piled everywhere!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
the clerk exclaimed, " You are trying to pay me with counterfeit money! I am calling the cops! If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way."
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
But you have to hit them pretty hard to stop them, because they ate too many brains (!) which caused them to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. so we loaded up a wheelbarrow-full of brains and carted them over to the Wal-Mart, to the frozen goods section. a worker yelled, "You can't bring raw brains in here!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies! zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going. Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one! While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package. When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Moments later, they came upon a wide, glistening puddle of goo. It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I could hardly wait to get home to play it! I got home, opened the box, and inside I saw a giant strawberry!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Always offering unsolicited advice. I've got half a mind to take a nap in the nearby hammock. Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice. It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area. They would love this pretty new space complete with not one but two cores per CPU, giving it inherent multiprocessing power.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
I really needed a new line of work. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be. So I decided to turn in my driver's license and buy a bicycle. They were blocking the road, so I slammed on the brakes and turned in to a McDonald's drive-thru.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
They were pretty sure though that the X-ray would show the presence of decades-old cysts the size of walnuts.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it. They wouldn't see me here. I peeked around and suddenly saw that someone was peeking back at me! It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
It became the Christmas Toast. We put it in hyperdrive and watched with glee, when it started to spark and sizzle from all the electricity coursing through it.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
= It exploded with the force of a 1,000 thermonuclear bombs, carving a massive crater out of the side of the moon and creating a ring around the earth, which persisted forever and ever.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier. I couldn't help but shut my eyes tight as our speeding car swerved completely off the prescription medication he had been taking to calm his nerves.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers. I tried to hit the button to open the drawer, but it really didn't matter if a few pickles fell on the floor.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
They had to throw up their hands and scream "Eureka!!!!" Everyone turned their attention to us and the farmer (who was very creative about recycling) used old tires to start a bonfire.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test. Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game. Because clothes make the man. That's why I wear dorky clothes and spike my hair with glittery gel. Who knows? I might be spotted by the next agency of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. What! No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
"Hello, everyone, I'm Kent Mansley, and this is COOKING SHOW!! Today's show is brought to you by Squeesitout Pimple Cream! Make sure all your teenagers have a good supply, and are wearing this new hairnet.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool. Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
There's no telling what we will do if we start down that mountain and our brakes give out! We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
You have to be able to think on your feet! Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation. So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
We can wear nose plugs and burn the leftover sludge, even though everyone knows a better use for it would be to put it into a bucket beside the commode.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Everything else had failed...THIS was the one! and 250 lbs, could best be described as high fat, high sodium, and high sugar. Could this be a misprint?!!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
When I opened the can of worms it really did turn out to be a can of rattlesnake eggs. You know the old joke. It rattles. There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
That's why you have to stir it it up, and the explosion was so BIG that I had to dive under a cloud was his nemesis, in a sneaky holding pattern. As soon as he saw him, he recognized him from his old high school days!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Well you're a stupid head! And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member?
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding! I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee. But that's OK-- we can replace it with saline, or I can tell you about our latest experiment: something we've been growing in the lab.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Now it should be simple to fix. All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store. It will spark so much interest, you'll be building the biggest mega-cat-condo in the world! So to save floor space, you could try cement ing your mouth shut and let me do the thinking, OK?
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
As we've found out, it's well worth the expense in order to avoid the old nests of mice and rats between the walls, we decided to install a urinal in every bathroom!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
"I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard! He seems to be trying to find candidates for his galactic space marine training academy. "I'm only 18!" I argued. he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
I have to act quickly. I open the supply cabinet and what do I find? whoa, a flashback to me graduation party. I better get my head on straight because I have to be able to see out the cockpit window.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
It is all over the place. Start wiping with this ring, I thee wed." And as the crowd watched breathlessly, she flicked her hair back, licked the lipstick off her teeth and proceeded to raise her middle finger for all to see and said, "If it weren't for me, I wouldn't be where I am today."
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!"
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style! How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face! He stood up and gathered his belongings, which was difficult to do while holding the coffee cup. Somebody else came along and mopped up the spilled latte, and then put up a sign that said, "
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat. Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull! "They really ought to do something about that!"
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Hop, hop, hop!" He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet. One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it. The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
has to step in and crush the resistance which happened to be the shotgun-toting tomato, Bob. It's Veggie Tales: Garden Guerillas. In the first episode, Ren and Stimpy challenged Mr. T to a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
We were too quickly running out of everything: bottled water, powdered milk, and freeze-dried corpses of agents of years past. because we couldn't run the risk of any publicity. The slightest amount could alter the electrolyte balance of everyone on the base! To prevent absolutely any mistake, we chose to consult Mr.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I had some ice cream and once I was cooled off I ran back outside to warm up. Ah the warm desert air blowing from the west, bringing with it a great deal of heat.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
She has the look we want. She must weigh close to 350 pounds. But that's OK. that's right... Perfect! She's a door. The next girl can pose on this poof chair. It is shaped like a high-heeled shoe. How mod! I wonder who thought up that idea. It must have been Mr.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
To see a good selection I think I will have to go to the baths, and have a good soak. After that I should feel really blessed and just happy to be alive. And that is hard to find.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Nonchalantly, I disassembled the fallacious evolution display with a sledgehammer. Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
"You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
GET LOSE!! YOU CANNOT COMPARE WITH MY POWERS!!" As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
It was necessary because all the candidates were secretly communists. I had found this out by trying to push down ALL the little red levers. The volunteer outside the curtain heard all the mechanical sounds and mumbling, and called out to him, "It doesn't work like that!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
There wasn't much time to waste. They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry? He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Argh! I cannot take this any longer! So I grabbed the can of gasoline, pulled out a book of matches, and debated whether to vote for George Bush or John Kerry.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed. "We can't go this way because the Hulk has smashed it to smithereens.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
The Plutonium Transporters of America! They were famous for gigantic fund-raising fairs. In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that? Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Which store has the best deal on school supplies? What about separation anxiety?
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
What those vegans need are some good old pork rinds deep fried in lots of bubbly champagne. See, if you drink enough champagne, you forget you're on this lousy vegetarian diet, and you're free to create stupendous sculptures made from multicolored tofu.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Spicy is good! Good for the immune system! Good for your mood! It's even good for fryin' up that armadillo you done run right over with your dang ol' truck.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
instead of actually performing a dance. So she tried it, and her classmates didn't know whether to be impressed or amused.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
So many dangers beset us, we scarcely conceived of ever making it through the maze alive. Giant scorpions, venomous snakes and worse hounded our every step.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I wonder if I could take them all home? For all of them I would need a room the size of plums! "Ooh. That's very nice," I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!"
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
I don't know which I like better: Looking from a distance at the whole structure, or up close at the details such as how far we'll have to swim to get to land if our ship sank.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
And sometimes I had to bash some heads to make it happen. someone yelled, "have you seen those platinum handcuffs that were in the display case?!!
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
I set out to be the fastest, bestest, rootin'-tootin'est cow milker in the whole state. To limber myself up I scampered up the ladder into the hay loft and jumped up and down in the hay.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
If we do that we might not survive the night! No. We've got to conserve our ammunition, collect what food we have left, and prepare to broil some tasty dinosaur patties. Yeah, with a bun and onion and Miracle Whip and tomato and a few sliced radishes on the side, we'll have quite a dinner, as obviously there's no shortage of fresh meat around here!"
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
It's a weed. So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola! Especially if your own son is a pothead!! If you see one of these, pull it up!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
"What?!" she shouted. "I can't hear you!" He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
She'd been in the river back home in Brazil many times with them. She knew they wouldn't harm her. Just one look at the M-60 machine gun she had slung easily over her shoulder and they knew she meant business.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I said. "I guess they just are all born rude. Everyone I meet has a smart-aleck thing to say when I ask them a question. The next time this happens, I am going to say, " Be sure to securely fasten your bungee cord before you jump!" That is, if I'm ever even at the Eiffel Tower again!
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining. He grumbled, "
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
We don't know much, but what we do know is that farts have been around as long as people have been eating vegetables. On that note, would you like some more teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea? How about some sugar? You can't have tea without sugar! and you can have it with bacon, eggs, Spam and sausage."
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
When we looked down at our trays, we saw gobs of macaroni and cheese and what I thought were chunks of hot dog. I wasn't sure but I quickly learned not to ask questions and certainly not to complain. Sometimes I did anyway, and I paid sorely for it.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Do we, guys?" He chuckled as he called over his shoulder to the crew. They all laughed nervously because they knew where this was headed. It was headed straight for the Health Department. Yeah, those guys will come and they will get out their blue pencils, and pretty soon this whole place will be condemned and turned into a new sewage treatment plant!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
From her shiny blonde hair to her pretty face, impeccable spring pastel suit and pristine, stylish shoes, she was the picture of confident perfection. As she walked past, I could smell that old familiar odor of stale classrooms wafting down the hall.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
They must have learned how to do that from reading Soldier of Fortune magazine. I mean, these rodents were organized. They were always one step ahead of us, always anticipating a gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
"What IS that?" They all wondered. Mystified, they cautiously approached the abandoned roller coaster. "Hey, let's get one of the cars, push it to the top and jump in and see how far we can go!" So they laboriously pushed and pushed, and when they got to the top they saw what was causing the tornado: the villanous Sky Master!!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
None of us had ever driven one before, but the tunnel was easy to drive through because there were all kinds of lights and even air conditioning.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"You fools!" He cried in anguish, "Can't you see we're trapped? It's our only chance!" We all looked at each other and silently agreed to lie down and take a nap in the shade of the old oak tree.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
"I can't help it," Bonnie said, "Every time I see one, it makes me want to cry. I just can't help it. I get all teary-eyed; and then I start to wonder why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green? Why--" And just then the drugs kicked in and then the convulsions started.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil!
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Boy, were they needing some more M&M's on top. And melted marshmallows. And chocolate sprinkles on top of that. "Hey," Betty called from inside, "Are those hot dogs ready yet?" I said, "Hot dogs? I thought we we were having T-bone steaks!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Then they all stood in a circle and shouted the team's motto long and loud.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
But it was the only one he cared about anymore. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. Ever. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
We were really really going! Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
"I want my toys back now!" Lord Elsington exclaimed. But Barrister denied that his client had done any real wrong. The prosecutor, Miss Na Tasha scrambled up fuming. She dove at Barrister with claws extended. The fur did fly. even tried to intervene, but he was stomped on by Godzilla.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you?
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
He didn't want to be so anal-retentive, so he stopped himself from measuring his head to make sure the part was exactly in the middle. But then all day long he could not take his mind off this difficult problem. What a challenge! There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR! THAT'S RIGHT! once he heard that, he knew the time was near. So near, in fact, he nervously checked his ticket stub to make sure he wasn't late for the previews. he wasn't.