Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
I looked at the clock, and suddenly realized! It's summer! That must explain why we always want to have a picnic with friends and family.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
It's now known as The Enforcer. Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!!
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
How long is all this going to take? ! But just as I was ready to give up, around the corner came Santa Claus! He had an entourage of elves all singing "Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus!!" Much to my surprise, he was driving a golf cart outfitted with giant boom boxes.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Most people's mud rooms have a bench where you can sit down and take off your muddy boots before you go into the house. This one, for as-yet unclear reasons, had a duffel bag filled to bursting with arms and ammunition. We were concerned, to say the least, but we couldn't deny that the in-flight safety briefing was really funny, even funnier than some of the Southwest Airlines ones we saw on Youtube.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Who walked the dogs last?? Don't they realize the dishwasher is broken and look at all these dirty dishes! Plus I have a bandaged hand because I cut myself with a rusty barbecue smoker borrowed from a neighbor.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Stumbling, he tried to reach for the next page of music, but his cramp was so bad it was like he was moving in slow motion. The band would not wait! They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Eh, it'll be all right. So I just went ahead and played, but later I regretted that trolling. If I keep it up, folks will start to never take me seriously and I may even lose friends. Well, e-friends anyway. Those were the ones I trolled the most.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
And then there was a drum solo. In the midst of all that excitement, the drummer suddenly stopped and there was silence for a tense moment. who knew when it would be time to refill my soda cup? I knew. It was right now! I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Everyone knew what that meant: the information in there was the only thing standing between them and total loss of cat fur.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Licking his fingers, he discovered a bleeding hangnail! Ooops! He had visions of staph infection permeating his body. I must take care of that he frantically thought! Maybe the best remedy would be to accept that you can't do laundry if the power is out.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
It was then I finally realized as I reflected on everything that had happened, that this had truly been the best Christmas ever! And everyone vowed, "I won't stop until I get my revenge on you!" It was then I finally realized as I reflected on everything that had happened, that this had truly been the best Christmas ever!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Having trudged for miles upon miles through untamed wilderness, they at last collapsed as they reached the final step of their journey.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Yuck! Well at least it was all dried up and easy to sweep it into a dustpan and carefully dump it into the ditch by the road. When it rains, the water runs down the hill, comes through the back door and flows all across the whole garage and goes out the door!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
After all I don't want hands that look like a pair of sunglasses! How fun! And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
We protected our eyes and ears with homemade insecticide, made with vinegar, water, and a tablespoon of Miracle-Gro should do the trick I also thought a little pruning would help, so I pulled out of my pocket my pair of tweezers.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on! Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They, to a man, all decided to rush the stage. It was pandemonium! Chairs were flying, fists were flying, and threats were splashed across the campus center walls with hot pink paint.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I may as well have this with a side of socialism and a hot mug of Bernie Sanders Uber Alles.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!! I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
MMMM! DELICIOUS! We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Excellent! Now we're stocked up for some New Year's Eve stompin' noisy fun! Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
High-fiving all around, we proceeded to hunt for what we would need: big gift baskets filled with bubble bath, chocolate candy, and packets of candy.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Just to get some peace to study, Xander decided to make some ear plugs.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Were you trying to scrape wallpaper off with them or something? Have you no respect for running into the back of me?? Look at that big dent! Why, it is as big as a polar bear! Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat."
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I asked the head of NASA for advice, and thoughtfully, he advised me to spead the word about this legendary plant. Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use?? No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Anytime you're walking on ice, you should be careful to look both ways before you sled down the Speights' driveway.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Now what?! I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger. It must have weighed two pounds.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
"You can do it," I said, with enthusiasm, " Let's celebrate our resoluting by going out to eat!! I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
but I had another secret credit card I could use. Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
so we decided to get a second composter. We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin. I was hoping to catch it before it fell into the raging river down below. Unfortunately, just at the last second, I slipped in the mud and slid right into a big pile of manure.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
The General abruptly stiffened with alertness. Creeping forward, he spotted a fire ant hill right in his path !! Oh no! So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !! But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!? Seriously, lead?!?!? Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it. Why then would you not want that? Obviously, life would be easier with a million bucks.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets. If something is missing, always remember: look under the couch cushions for any stray peanuts. I am sure I lost some. We want to make our own peanut butter in our new electric hot tub.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch. It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21. Three rows of seven each. That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped. The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It's hazardous to do that because the TSA might take you aside and frisk you! After I walked through the metal detector, I heard someone say, " Mind The Gap!" His authoritative tone irked me, so I took particular care in minding who was sitting next to me.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
It's hard to work through meal time! Using all that brain power was very draining. I could use a pepper-upper! Maybe there is something in the staff refrigerator I could sample.... Sure enough...I opened the door and found a cup of Whoop-Ass!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
What's that, you say? Well, say you resolve to go jogging every morning. You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it !
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
A new day! Full of possibilities for winning the county's "Best Decorated Yard". We had to get to work! I asked Bonnie to go buy lots of candles. Nothing brightens up a wintertime room like candlelight!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious." Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
How did you get here? I bet you traveled on a expired visa! Bad boy!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
But I had a better idea. Set up a giant lemonade stand right at the end of our driveway !! Not only would we sell lemonade, but we could also sell bags of ice.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
When it happened, I spent the first 3 months just learning how to use this stupid new controller.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I didn't care, I was finally able to lift my shoes from the sticky coke residue on the floor, and I put them on top of the stack of 16mm movie reels that I stole from the projection room when nobody was looking!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Put your hands behind your back stalked a ninja! He was there the ENTIRE TIME! When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Ted's day started out innocently enough, with his usual morning routine, but then, during his normally uneventful commute to work, a horde of zombies rushed toward his car!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight. You know it's the little things in life that really matter, so go ahead and get an associate's degree in plumbing.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Warm milk goes down like silk. But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism. So now if you have peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, or peas porridge in the pot nine days old, you can be assured it will be well-stirred even if you're not around.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
We went to the dealership, looked into the showroom, and we saw a brand spanking new Interstellar G9X Ion-Charged Singularity Accelerator. This thing could wipe out a whole solar system. To ensure it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands, I wrapped it in brown paper, tied it up with twine, and hid it in the attic.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
A better strategy is just to start fresh! Get organized! Go for gold! With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium. That's why he put all his underwear into zip-lock bags. Nobody wants strangers pawing through his underwear drawer.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
The soft summer breeze has become crispy. I know when I hear that sound, it means someone's at the door. And just my luck, I'm right in the middle of a shower!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I couldn't make out the rest of the ad because tears had already begun to dissolve the ink, which ran like charcoal wisps of liquidated dreams down the face of the page.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best. Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us. when you used it. The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
But, it was all they had so I took it. On the way out, I accidentally tipped over the trash can and out spilled a whole bunch of jelly beans, which inexplicably caused an entomological cavalcade of roaches to march onto the counter. "AAAAAHH!"
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
But you have to hit them pretty hard to stop them, because they ate too many brains (!) which caused them to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. so we loaded up a wheelbarrow-full of brains and carted them over to the Wal-Mart, to the frozen goods section.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It needed to look a little battered for the play I was going to be in. Believe it or not , I was going to act the part of the fool! That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He needed to go up a level in a hurry! Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I could use it to make dessert with. I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills. That was easy. Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So I mixed up a poison solution and poured it on the fire to put it out! That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Melodic crooning by the likes of Barry Manilow were interrupted by a big knock-down, drag-out cat fight. Wow, the fur did fly! Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town"
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Quick as a wink, they saw blue lights in the rear view mirrors, so they hightailed it across the state, carefully avoiding known speed traps, living off of coffee and Slim Jims, and sleeping in the car in Wal-Mart parking lots.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He gravely wrote, "I, being of sound mind and body, do hereby express my wishes in this last will and testament." He paused, and then continued: "
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion. There were 100 accountants, all identical!!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It was crunchy and really really tasty! I gathered up a few and put them in my pocket so I could give them to the police officer when he hauled me in for questioning before being charged with trespassing.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
If you mispronounce something you could really offend somebody by saying something you didn't intend. and you accent the positive and reject the negative, and everything will always look better when you roll your R's, you sound right Scottish.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year. What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination".
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"You are such an abuzor!" She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We'll be eating peanut butter and rice for a month! But it was worth it, because life isn't measured in how many breaths you take, but in how many moments like these, I lift up a song, I lift up a love song, to Jesus!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I first used it to wipe my nose. I needed no distractions ,I had to be totally focused because of the traffic snarls, the icy streets, and the crazy dudes out front with the pots and handbells. Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, "
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
We could always rinse them off and use them on the next drive-through customer, who had just ordered 2 large cokes, 2 large fries, and 2 giant Cokes with crushed garlic.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
"Well, not exactly..." I said. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about. There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean? I think you should take a break now in order to crush those who oppose us."
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
One never knows what will happen if you transpose the warp stream with the antimatter containment field, you will surely lose your breakfast in a hurry, unless you made sure first that you fasten your helmet securely, fasten your oxygen hose, and secure you must be, and I the all-wise one, tell you I will, that you really had better know what you're doing by now!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I had learned this stuff in high school. I breezed through the first half, and then my heart sank as the teacher chided loudly, "NO, NO, NO...you're doing it wrong!" Well, let's just say I was completely mortified and felt a burning desire to shove the monitor off the table and just leave.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!! Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
There's no telling what we will do if we start down that mountain and our brakes give out! We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
duh...I don't know. It's a terrible thing to lose your train of thought in such an intense environment! You have to be able to think on your feet!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
And only I know the code to release them. Moo-ha ha! One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good! I expect a response from the navigator because I really think we are lost!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
I asked. "I'm only doing that today," he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM! she said, "I just can't relax unless I know that you have other clothes to wear besides one bearing logos and movie quips from Star Wars, Star Trek, Tron and Hackers, I'll never go out with you!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle." "Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry. Like Confucious say, "Cat never full." That's why you have to have a wide base, or else a strong foundation, if you're going to make it that tall.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I decided to put it in the garbage disposal to see what would happen. I flicked the switch and the loud noise that erupted sounded like a hundred termites trying to chew through the wall!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I argued. he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door. You make us feel inadequate and incompetent. Where's the positive reinforcement?"
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Just give me a second. and see right before our eyes the ground rushing up toward us! No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels! Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
He even missed a couple spots! I asked for extra cheese, Cause let me tell you, I'm not in it for the pepperoni, man! Not the sauce! I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Will your viewing audience please stop throwing food and sit down! This is not a middle school cafeteria! Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
More punk colors: here, stripe your hair with this purple and this pink! That will make you look like Fonzie.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
You want fries with that?" She gave me such an evil look, that I really wanted to give her a chance to make better hot chocolate than the swill she had been serving. I told her, "You have to SMILE at the customer!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
" I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce! With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
So before they went to the store they made a list of ingredients: Trix cereal, cinnamon bun, chocolate milk, and peanut butter cookies!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Now what? There was only one solution: activate the fleet of snowmobiles! Racing to the garages, we poured out bag after bag of cat litter in order to absorb the neutrons from the nuclear fission reaction.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky. Why they were huge! They were as big as beanbag chairs!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
There was so much to choose from, she let her stomach do the talking so she picked the one with chocolate sprinkles. Then she got a large mocha latte and headed for the checkout counter, loaded with gift selections.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress? Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot!
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
I'll take 'em all and then I won't have to listen to--" But he wasn't listening; he was already counseling the next student over. Obviously I was going to have to figure this out for myself. i before e except after c... in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet. Of course everyone knows in addition to trays of sugary pastries, you should add bountiful numbers of rose petals to your bath!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Everywhere was dust. Dust, dust, dust! My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule. Oh I could be in big trouble! I quickly stuck it into my hat. No one would find it there.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I always either had too little lumber, too few nails, or too few employees available to help me!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same. Do you believe you are eating good and nutritious foods?
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall! "What idiot did this?" She shrieked.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!"
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
banner. It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever. So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun?
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
The rain of the night before had stranded several earthworms on the sidewalk! We got right to work cleaning our whiskers after eating all those fish heads. Wow-Meow!
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We brought out the banners of red, white, and blue. We brought out the banners of elephants and donkeys.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
There wasn't much time to waste. They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry? He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that. All she wanted was to get him to the car and buckled in as fast as possible.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with?
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact. the Hulk bellowed, "But the Hulk is strongest there is! Me prove it! Me dumb. Me stupid. Me go the wrong way on a one-way street. Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!"
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I just looked the other way, because the PTA President had a booger on her nose. It was drooping down and looked older than dirt! "Who's that?" I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I screamed for help! Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!" Insane with panic, I grabbed the blue ribbon watermelon and threw it as hard as I could at the red-faced perpetrator.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Bob exclaimed. "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'" He said that so loudly, I jumped. "Are you ," I exclaimed, "or are you not going to ask me to marry you?!"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry. (SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I grumbled as I tried my best not to throw up. It wasn't easy I can tell you. I pursed my lips and grimaced and I then proceeded to back up. I just knew if I could get a running start I could make that jump. Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
You'll won't do me in with that heater!" He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Dad only made us work half-days. It didn't matter to him which twelve hours it was. Next we had to kill the hogs to make bacon and sausage. Granddaddy would put his fingers in his ears because he did not want to hear the gunshot. Then everyone would join in to cut up the lard and use it to fry the bacon, sausage, eggs, toast, and soup.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
he screamed. We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us. We quickly crawled to the police station and cried for help. It was deserted, but we found some newly laid dinosaur eggs. They were huge. Ethan wanted to make scrambled eggs with them, but Xander yelled "NO!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
And if you shoot it with bullets, it will die. Let me demonstrate. (Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
"I can't hear you!" He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving. But he could not hear her! Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Luckily, Rosita's father had a good catch of fish from earlier that day. Digging a hole in the sand, they lay down some firewood. They placed the cooking pan in the outdoor oven which the Ruwandans had built with stone and layers of crushed bones were all that remained of those who opposed the formation of the International Village.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I screamed. "Why, I oughta punch your red diaper doper baby lights out! You flamin' liberal French sissy. Go back into your cave and drink your cafe au lait. Next time I see you I will give you $20, but only if you can seat us in a better part of the restaurant.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
They didn't get to the bathroom in time! "Oh well," I said, "Who wants those old toys made in China anyway?
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
I don't know why I have to smell them when I'm in the same room with one.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
What would you want on yours?" "A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!" I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods. In the middle of the night, I can get it out and use it to help me steal hot dogs from the mess hall.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
He chuckled as he called over his shoulder to the crew. They all laughed nervously because they knew where this was headed. It was headed straight for the Health Department. Yeah, those guys will come and they will get out their blue pencils, and pretty soon this whole place will be condemned and turned into a new sewage treatment plant!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Cuz I really, really, REALLY gotta go." she said, laughing. "Go down that hall and take the third right, the take a quick left, to down the stairs, go through the double doors then down the hall, take the first right, the second left, up the single flight of steps, and then you will be in jail!
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Yeah, and we need some meats! And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air. We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it! We got strapped in, and moments later, a sour smell came wafting through.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?!
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away. "You fools!" He cried in anguish, "Can't you see we're trapped?
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Yeah, just go sit on the pot and relax. Ha ha Then you can tell us all about it: why do you have the irrepressible need to straighten out the tassels at the ends of an area rug?"
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Then I had an idea: I sat down next to a customer and smiled. "I'm happy to be the one to tell you, you've just won a LIFETIME SUPPLY of Super-Sized Whopper Combo Meals!!!" The supervisor clapped me on the back as the cameras flashed; but I didn't notice.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Grandma loved the taste of her fresh eggs and milk too. And no one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked golden brown teenage girls. They clearly had been tanning for quite some time. "Hey you girls," I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
The massive and violent battle was finally finished. The weapons were lying in disarray. The wounded combatants looked at each other and said, " You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Would you choose blue chip stocks or penny stocks? Whatever you choose you must be willing to keep what you buy for at least a decade.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Who will draw the long straw to be in it? Who will excape the seething blubbery morass of stinking foul alien green cards. asked Sam, quizzically. the officer replied, "It's the illegal immigrants, the aliens, we give them to. They bathe in artificial dihydrogen monoxide which was produced in a laboratory manned by hyper-intelligent mice.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
he exclaimed. "I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!" He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
What was happening?!! Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store! We are going to get this matter settled once and for all, said the judge as he beckoned Lord Elsington to even higher status within the SSBC: Secret Society of British Cats.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
This could only mean one thing, the subjects for the theses were all wrong! Gromit, they are all wrong! What will the students do now? They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car. What they wanted to charge us was absolutely ridiculous. "I know,"
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR! THAT'S RIGHT! once he heard that, he knew the time was near. So near, in fact, he nervously checked his ticket stub to make sure he wasn't late for the previews.