Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen! Can you not see that bird's nest? In that tree, right up there! You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel. Whee! Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
He was always generous with sprinkling the garlic salt, but he was very careful with the bottle of 1931 Sauvignon Blanc from France. This bottle had survived bombing runs, train rides, baggage valets handing it off from country to country, until it finally reached 2021.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Tensed, he listened and his eyes sparked. He recognized that sound. Infuriated, he snorted, and the breath was visible in the cold air. The hills echoed with his bellow of rage, and remnants of soft verses of Psalmic peace.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
albeit feet-first. I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. albeit feet-first. By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
We were starting to get ravenous, waiting around getting hungry. We started looking for the giblets.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Just don't be heavy handed with the instruments! Chip Davis paid a lot to assemble this plethora of instruments, and you -- what?
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
I picked up my shotgun, set it in its place in the gunrack, and checked it off on my inventory list. Whew! This itemization for homeowner's insurance was going to take FOREVER! category for an hour and I wasn't even halfway through! There must be a faster way!
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
A little dude with wings showed up with a handful of sparkly crap. Anyway, it backfired horribly: we were just covered in kiwi fruit puree and crushed red cherries and pineapple.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
What cat could resist that?? the robovac started sucking up my sock! Within a second, it had pulled it right off my foot, and then I heard ripping sounds, and I realized it was tearing my sock apart!
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Within just a couple weeks, I had already earned a cool nickname, which I've used to this day. That name was: Earl. So the thing about a thunderstorm in the daytime is that it creates a pensive mood, full of mystery and eerie intrigue....plus a dash of danger!
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
In the garage? Ah, man.. I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store. They had every kind you could think of, but I was really drawn to the sparkly tissue wrapping paper! That and the snowflake ribbons reminded me of when I met the real Santa years ago.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Everything your body needs. But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
I bought a whole bunch of ropes at Ace Hardware and carefully wove them into a really strong basket we could use to swing ourselves across the chasm.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I'm going to sweep all the possum poop out of the garage and give it to someone who would appreciate it. It makes the most sense, considering how much mildew and mold had accumulated.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
The lecture continued for a few hours, until finally the sinks were all full of nice hot soapy water all ready for me to wash! But first, all I need for preparation is clean fingernails and a big smile. All the customers will surely think I am a real man because I could handle sweeping the parking lot in the midday sun!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
And it's a good thing they did, because if they hadn't done so, and quick, we all know what would have happened. So thankfully, it didn't, and because it didn't there will not be any baby tufts of stump grass growing in the vast emptiness of outer space.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
So be very, very careful never to leave a trail of crumbs to your bedside! Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners. A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
I hadn't even considered bringing bug spray. Well, like they say, when life hands you lemons, discard the lemons; make bacon. So I picked up the tick and carried it to the entomology lab for analysis. There, I was greeted by a flock of trained roadrunners!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
So instead I placed a couple business cards. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Ain't that something! We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
It can be hard to come up with a combination of pizza toppings that will please everyone in the group, but if you stick olives with toothpicks on the pizza, there could be tragic results...like wasting pizza!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
First we went to Cosco and loaded up on lots of wood glue, posterboard, hammers, and nuclear material.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
There were so many that we didn't know where to look! I told everybody, "Just remember how we rehearsed it: Keep smiling and always brush your teeth before you do. Buy a dentist-approved toothbrush and a big tube of t-shirts to shoot into the crowd!" everyone responded, with enthusiasm.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
The title of it was How to Win at Minecraft! Bonus! came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!" He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long! Oh well, at least the green bar of soap was not down to a sliver yet, and the roommate had brought his own pile of funky smelling shoes.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat." "What is that horrible stench?!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
Should I sell everything and buy all new there or rent a moving van? I asked the head of NASA for advice, and thoughtfully, he advised me to spead the word about this legendary plant. Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use?? No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Why is it that laundry never seems to end?!?! It's almost like flushing a commode on a windy day! Hey! Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
You could easily run into a large elk, arctic fox, or other similar sleds and sleighs, all designed to go really fast down a snowy hill, as long as they were not running around in their underwear as if they were about to take the Polar Bear Plunge.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
So besides vacuuming the whole house, we also decided to rearrange the chess pieces while she's not looking.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service. When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
So I put on my hat, opened the door, walked out on to the front porch, and stepped into a new suit! Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
"Do you think I am a GARDENER??? Because if so, you are correct!" He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
!! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
"You can't ever have too much butternut squash, because we want to make soup with it !Bowls and bowls of soup seasoned with sprinkles of rosemary.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
All he had to do was gesture and we got the gist. Against my better judgement, I thought I would peer down into the hole I found in the back yard, and suddenly up popped a sloth!
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Greg started the seedlings from vintage seeds nestled in a tray of fortified walls to keep out the zombies! And giant spikes made out of wood logs! And the surrounding area was covered in moldy gray moss that smelled like gym socks that had been stuffed with rotten onions and baby vomit.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Who cares anyway as long as you get enough Vitamin D. But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!? Seriously, lead?!?!? Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
We had to wait days or weeks for an answer! Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
That'll teach 'em! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! GIMME COOKIE!!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette. As a finishing touch, he sprinkled on some red pepper flakes, chopped up jalapeno peppers, and just a splash of vodka. That is a perfect recipe for thin crust Pizza a la Greg. Who want a piece?
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It must have been past its expiration date! I just had to spit it out onto the lawn. There, in the sun, I could see a big hydrogen firestorm. Scary! Good thing I was not looking directly at it, and a good thing I was wearing my asbestos underwear! It was so hot! It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
I exclaimed, "This is exactly Why I applied for this job!! I just love kids and love teaching them how to get everything organized for the next day.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Where are those lint rollers?? I am sure I put them in the sock drawer, next to the loaded gun. It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses. Or was it maple syrup? Regardless, I put it on the plate with the other desserts next to the Christmas tree.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
It's okay to rent those because they disinfect them with a substance called Liquid Nails which I bought online from a company named Tethys, after the Titaness of fresh water."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
He checked his INVENTORY. It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor! "That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Looking into the distance, I could see the splendor of the rising sun. It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
What a garbled mess this has become!!! At least I was able to kill all the drop bears and goblins, well, sort of, I guess." Then she thought to herself: "I sure do hope there aren't eggs in that cave over there."
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
"They'll never ever find their way outta here with all the lights out! The whole theater is completely dark, and the ushers are busily passing out fliers advertising a competing movie theater!" they were yelling.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
So many kids, what else could she do? She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds. All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner. We heard a terrible noise and looked out to see a bunch of dudes sitting around eating beans. They were scarfing them down by the bowlful. Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard. Any second now I expected a giant squid to lunge forward and puke his guts out onto the floor.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me! Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal. I didn't have time now to baste the turkey. Drat! I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house. "You look like a street walker!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or sarsaparilla. Grenadine! Straight from the can! Deee-licious! Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender. Ooops! I forgot to put on the lid! All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
"Champagne?" The stewardess offered us complimentary drinks as bubbly as she was. Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
But, it was all they had so I took it. On the way out, I accidentally tipped over the trash can and out spilled a whole bunch of jelly beans, which inexplicably caused an entomological cavalcade of roaches to march onto the counter.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
a worker yelled, "You can't bring raw brains in here! Get out! who had just walked in with a tray of hot biscuits. she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
She buzzed right in with a big flyswatter and started swatting us on the behind. Clearly she wasn't sure what to throw away and what to keep.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Not just any brown hat, mind you, but specifically it was really a purple hat that was needed. So we walked to the Beatific Bonnet Boutique, looked in the window, and saw just what we wanted: a winning lottery ticket!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E. Cheese and eat lots of crap pizza and drink cheap beer. After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog. A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
The doctor beamed and said "Your vision is 20 over 200 and you are definitely a candidate for surgery. First into each eye we will put some Vicodin in your hand. A couple of these and you won't feel a thing!
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we do some serious bashing! After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Yes, everyone is America is playing my new video game. I'm gonna be rich!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So I mixed up a poison solution and poured it on the fire to put it out! That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Melodic crooning by the likes of Barry Manilow were interrupted by a big knock-down, drag-out cat fight. Wow, the fur did fly! Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town"
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
I really needed a new line of work. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be. So I decided to turn in my driver's license and buy a bicycle.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He paused, and then continued: " I want every intern to pay attention here. Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone. I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Why would we have office supplies from the Dollar Store, when we already have a contract with a hoity-toity supplier? well! I couldn't believe my eyes...it was a stack of money from the IRS, because I had overpaid my taxes not just last year, but the past four years as well! Flush with cash, I immediately headed for Long John Silver's!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
They were givin away a big pink inflatable heart for Valentine's Day, which was just around the corner, and there it was: a brand new Hobby Shop stocked with every kind of Christmas light you could imagine!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Slimy green lymph splattered everywhere even onto his hairdreszor. "You are such an abuzor!" She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We could see the entire auditorium from here, as well as mink coats, diamond tiaras, and fancy tuxedos trimmed with mistletoe and holly. Oh! What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side). We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!"
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy. Why, just last year, we brought home enough pumpkins to make lots of pies.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test. Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game. Because clothes make the man. That's why I wear dorky clothes and spike my hair with glittery gel.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I had learned this stuff in high school. I breezed through the first half, and then my heart sank as the teacher chided loudly, "NO, NO, NO...you're doing it wrong!" Well, let's just say I was completely mortified and felt a burning desire to shove the monitor off the table and just leave.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
"You can't be serious! I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television." (laugh track) "To start with, crack these eggs, whip them up, and blend them into your stock pot. Next, chop the garlic into tiny bits at least small enough to fit into a cupcake holder!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house. We used snow shovels most of the time, but sometimes we used cloth diapers when we ran out of all the clean air in the house was being gradually contaminated by the encroaching fog of green stench.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
I think they're even open at this time: your mouth! It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool. Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
The clock was ticking and I was snoozing! I'd better get out of bed and get going, or I'll be wearing my Dale Earnhardt jumpsuit. Nobody can match my collection of his memorabilia. Why I even have his name printed on my flame-retardant suit and on my car, I don't know.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Really. So don't worry about flushing the toilet. We can wear nose plugs and burn the leftover sludge, even though everyone knows a better use for it would be to put it into a bucket beside the commode. After all the next time you flush, you may need that 5-gallon bottle of fresh, clean water over there.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
After that they didn't need to mow the lawn! The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Moo-ha ha! One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good! I expect a response from the navigator because I really think we are lost! I don't recognize anything down below. I think we may have flown into enemy territory!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
On the way out I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and I thought, "That's right ladies, you know you want a year's supply of ball point pens and above all a year's supply of comic books.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
Only problem now was the fact that scratching the rash had left me with less than $5 in my pocket. I could not afford to have them do that diagnostic test, so I told him, "That's okay, I probably don't need both kidneys. I'm not very big so I must not have that much blood to filter, right?"
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Maybe it was a bad idea to build the cat condo prototype out of styrofoam. Because seconds later, all the cats were fast asleep!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
We always like to see people like you come through the door.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm not afraid of them! Bring on ogres, giants, even dragons, they won't stop me! Because I'm Mr. Moneybags, and I want more of your money; so invest in my new scheme or I will promptly sign your autograph with an elaborate flourish.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
This is not a middle school cafeteria! Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
It's amazing that so many people are delighted to spend so much money for something so simple! What gives? Obviously some of the rest of us are entitled to a piece of the action.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Ha! Ha! Ha!" He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
"I can't believe you just wet your pants! Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated! So why don't you just give it up and go back to using Depends Undergarments?"
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated. Calmly, she answered, "I'm thinking if we ate nothing but lettuce and skim milk for a month we may look good for the St. Valentine's Day party. And I'm all for a healthy diet, but don't you think you're taking it a little far?"
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
"What's the deal with all the psychedelic colors?" She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!"
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It was going to go critical! We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We get there by 9am, but have to leave before the sun starts to shine again. Blistering hot rays beating down upon us, we began to feel dizzy, so someone suggested we should go sit down in the shade.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Once I got there I grabbed a seat an collapsed. How weary I felt! It was as if I had no limit on my credit cards! I just kept buying and buying! There was so much to choose from, she let her stomach do the talking so she picked the one with chocolate sprinkles. Then she got a large mocha latte and headed for the checkout counter, loaded with gift selections.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
This ensemble would blow away the skeletal remains of the anorexic models. What a tragedy. But the show must go on. The rest of you: Take a number and get in line.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Obviously I was going to have to figure this out for myself. i before e except after c... in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet. Of course everyone knows in addition to trays of sugary pastries, you should add bountiful numbers of rose petals to your bath! That will help you smile and feel so special!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
First we set up out tents and dug latrines into which to put the daily entries, which should include date, grid coordinates, name of the person who found it, and a description of ancient Babylonian bones with the addition of old photos of amazingly preserved pies!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
When I got there I saw pickup trucks coming and going all day long. So Lowe's decided to stay open until midnight to accomodate all the purchases! Actually, you may need TWO carts! In fact, you may find that the selection of 2x4s has way too many knots in it. In which case, you should start over.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Probably. Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day. To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Once you start getting creative you can envision new shapes for rooms. For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
"I can't believe we get such a treat! It's 5:00pm! It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are. Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind." I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry. Can you do better than that?"
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
They were getting tired of all that harrassment. Yeah, and how about that possum! Always eating all their expensive IAMS and bowls of sugar! SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity!
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
You know I think I can analyze your problem. Can you give me a sample of your artwork.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I sure don't want to be the one to find them! To look into those far corners, I think I will ask Mr. John-John, my special friend, what I should do...wait. He's imaginary, I keep forgetting!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact. the Hulk bellowed, "But the Hulk is strongest there is!
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
This guy looked like....well..Dilbert with a problem. We didn't know quite what to do. So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I looked down and could feel my breakfast coming up. I quickly leaned over and threw up, deftly avoiding potentially lethal food poisoning. Then I grabbed a ticket to go see the biggest cow on the planet. When I peeped through the fence at it, it looked like a NINJA!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom. Needless, to say, all the sound equipment was choked with papers that had been discarded right out the window.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
We don't eat meats! Can't you get that straight?!! It's been 4 stinkin' decades since we had meats! We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess. This meal should keep the average person satisfied for thirty seconds.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one. When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea! plate of tamales, burritos, and enchiladas! The only thing this dish is missing is my face.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it. So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar. It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
She usually ate them. At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's. What a find! I grabbed it quickly because I wanted to add it to my collection. I tried it out too.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course! It will be so cool to see from above the blackened scars in South America caused by the burning of the rain forests. Then we'll go to the Amazon River and see how much Avon we can sell to the natives.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect. But I assure you I didn't do it. Please note how cooperative I'm being. Ask me anything. Because I'll have an answer for you. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it'll be too bad if we don't get these filthy jail cells cleaned out.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Why they must be as long as a 50-foot garden hose! Duck!" he screamed. We all hit the dirt as a huge dinosaur tail whooshed over us. We quickly crawled to the police station and cried for help.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
No interlopers in this garden! You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg... That's when I know it's time to turn around and head for home. You know, just like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home." Everybody out of the way!
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Just one look at the M-60 machine gun she had slung easily over her shoulder and they knew she meant business. Molly was almost 7 feet tall and weighed 260 lbs. Her hair was blonde and braided into long pigtails which were wrapped around her bulging arms.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
When we walked through the great doors, everything was very quiet. The huge stained glass windows glowed from the sunshine outside. In the far corner we spotted a group of But enough about that. We hadn't been to a museum yet so we jumped up and headed for the closest Starbucks.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
If others are present, your only hope is to fart again, only this time fart harder, and hopefully it'll be toxic enough to kill any witnesses.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
When we looked down at our trays, we saw gobs of macaroni and cheese and what I thought were chunks of hot dog.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
NOT AT ME! Aim it that way!" Quickly, I retrieved the wiggling hose and finished cleaning up. Nervously, I looked up at him to see the whole congregation of Lighthouse Worship Center walk through the door right behind him.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
He belched a monstrous cloud of lethal chlorine gas, and all the oxygen supply was quickly being depleted.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
And if you let him sweep, then he'll want to shake the rugs outside. And if he goes outside, and doesn't take an umbrella he will probably be drowned in the torrential downpour. One can never be too careful.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
We packed our van the night before and started off early in the morning for the mountains.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Someone yelled from the back, "I do! I do! But my foot is stuck and I can't move; It is stuck in a endless loop. This tunnel. It's stuck in some sort of space-time moebius strip, such that no matter how many times we go down it, we'll always end up back in the mine.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
And they set up a display on the lawn outside the library. But the weather report was not so good, so when they looked up into the sky they saw not only the police helicopters arriving in the distance as reinforcements, but also the vultures had already started circling.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
said the old man in the back. "Take a nap every afternoon." After I take a nap, I always feel like killing somebody! That was when I knew I had to lie down quickly and start my bio-feedback session. That was the only thing that worked for me to help me feel calm again, and it helped me also to feel sympathy for homeless people.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
he said, "my boil just erupted!" The customer gawked and said, "You expect me to eat this crap?!! It stinks, it's dripping with grease, and it makes me want to take a dump in every last car you got.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
"Hey you girls," I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer. Come and sample some of these fresh-baked biscuits with homemade apple butter and freshly churned butter. You cannot beat the taste! Eating these every day will make you feel like a million bucks!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
But what's that sound? It was his arch-enemy approaching! Oh No! Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key!
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
And the name of it was "Ackerson Savings & Loans & Stuff". It had been in business for 20 years, but it had to be demolished to make way for a Stop-n-Go. This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
They bathe in artificial dihydrogen monoxide which was produced in a laboratory manned by hyper-intelligent mice. "You see," Sam explained, "they're almost as good as human researchers, but they get paid in cheese! Or these little wafers, made out of Soylent Green are so tasty, that the spaceship crew wanted to eat a whole galaxy.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
The enemies were pouring across the hillsides, and they were all wearing clothes that were way too lightweight for the unexpected turn of events which had placed them here, shivering, being splashed with icy hot oil poured from the castle walls.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Moments later the city came under attack by the whole host of jurors. Pandemonium ensued in the courtroom!
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You continue this until you're an ultimate ninja, and we will all thumb our noses at you, because your strength will be like a river, rushing along pell mell with not a backward glance, gleefully heading for a sure collision with that wall!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Now they would all be rich! They could buy whatever they wanted! They would never be poor again! And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.