Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Where did we land? We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! And when I finally checked the calendar, I realized our next house is going to need multiple fireplaces, because that last winter was a doozy!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
So we went to the airport and ironically, we were all so hungry we didn't care what we ate, so on the menu was was a Post-it note with the terse message: "OUTSIDE NOW".
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
The hills echoed with his bellow of rage, and remnants of soft verses of Psalmic peace. I was at a loss. How should I feel? I chose to feel enraged and offended.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Most people's mud rooms have a bench where you can sit down and take off your muddy boots before you go into the house.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
It takes a number of hours for a turkey to cook properly, and even an oven has limited power. But Chancellor Palpatine has UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!!!!! That's why Master Windu got disarmed. Dang Sith. Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later. So, as for sides, we wanted Greg's famous Sweet Potato Casserole, Bonnie's famous Homemade Stuffing, and most of all, Xander's famous bread!
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Unfortunately, he didn't understand that you're supposed to take a deep breath first. So when he tried to gather up the magnolia leaves, the tree started rustling,he looked up and an avalanche of leaves came tumbling down!
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
you might only see 3 or 4 people. Instead, go mallwalking! While you're there, make sure you order at least one latte and sit by a window as you watch go by the wayside. And you can't help but wonder, " Will these trolls ever leave me alone?
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
This was it, the invasion had begun. Fresh-faced cadets leapt into gun emplacements and cockpits, scarcely believing they were actually going to see combat. Even worse, this an enemy they had never seen before; they swarmed over the horizon, rising to block the sun, the chattering of their thousands of quadcopter blades unmistakable even though they were still miles away.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards. With windblown hair and feet planted firmly on the foam-washed rocks, one of them gazed out at the surf and said, "Thanks to all of our diligent analysis, the administration of this plan will assure the survival of humanity for many generations!"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
My scalp was tingling! And the popping in my ears was like I had never felt before ! Almost like I was back at wrestling training camp in Louisville, Kentucky. I was barely a stick of a kid back then but I had big dreams. Dreams of glory, lights, adoration, and colorful knit ski masks.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Everyone was full of good food. And everyone vowed, "I won't stop until I get my revenge on you!" It was then I finally realized as I reflected on everything that had happened, that this had truly been the best Christmas ever!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
"That's not a walnut! It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player. I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open....
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store! I felt soooo proud! Man! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I thought it was pretty good advice to weigh the option of working in an air-conditioned environment, considering how hot the dishwashing water had to be; what would that be doing to the rats in the sewers?
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass. Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid! so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
But Boppy exclaimed, "I can't kill it if I've named it!" No one could argue with that. But here's another question: if you've named a mouse Milo, can you ever set out a mousetrap for him?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They all trooped in and lo, and behold, there waiting for them was Hulk Hogan! He was going to teach them a new school anthem. He tapped his conductor's rod on the podium, and then, when he was sure he had their attention, he said, "I am the Big Cheese around here.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
So instead I placed a couple business cards. "Might as well try to make some money out of this mess," I mumbled as I walked back to my motorcycle. I reached out to put the flowers atop the tombstone, only to find that squirrels had eaten them while I wasn't looking.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Ain't that something! We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
The best thing to do is take a minute to evaluate the situation, then decide which size pizza to order, the giant 18-inch, or should we order the small instead of the large? You don't want to get stuck with too much time on our hands, we decided just to go shopping.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
It was from the party last night! Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza! And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
!!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots! Choosing his favorite one, he popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes, and when he took it out, it looked like a true man cave! Xander's new home and everyone in the dorm gathered there to eat fresh bread and butter.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
So holding my head down, on it I sprayed menthol, and a bit of mint-scented oil. The immediate effect was the perspiration started evaporating and I felt so cool!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist! Hahaha! Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Even Donald Trump would want to own this... I will call him right away and say." 3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces. We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket." These are handy to have around & have many uses.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!! So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
In fact, I had to turn on the fan because the dog's gas emissions were overwhelming. That was effective, and I was able to get on with my work selling potholders door to door.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
What were you thinking?!?! You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
They're so busy this time of year, one guy has to drive two trucks! but I had another secret credit card I could use. Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Where would be the perfect place to put this bowl of fresh tomatoes grown with my wonderful compost? I think I will put it on the level ground. Last time, I situated my composter on a hill. I bet you can figure how that turned out.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
How did they get there? !! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion. It was amazing to watch.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray. I carried it over to the Speights to see what their opinion would be.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Seriously, lead?!?!? Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it. Why then would you not want that? Obviously, life would be easier with a million bucks. So I started taking classes on business at the local community college.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Everyone was gathering into little groups to avoid talking to him. Then suddenly he came toward us and said, "I want my two dollars!" Panicking, I slept. Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Give me a break! Isn't real life reality enough? Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
So I got all the ingredients out of the cabinet and promptly swirled the pink icing all over the tops. Then I added multi-colored sprinkles and a few well-placed dabs of icing.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly! So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb. Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water. My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats! But he was a big fan of just taking a nap! But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
That job took you to the back room to show you where to sit and how long it will take for the next assignment.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone! Why is the eggnog always gone?
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes. and drizzle them with Sriracha hot sauce!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Plastic bags of purchases here and there! Presents to sort! The wrapping paper I bought on Dec. 26....where was it??I found all of it in the back of the car. The first step is to acquire the presents.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Oh well, more brownies for us. He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts! He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us. And we soon had enough to make brownies with. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts!
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
My favorite part about Christmas decorations is how the lights cheer up the dark winter nights. You'll be driving along and see millions of lights! They must be coming from Harbor Hills Drive! I put my car in first gear and turned onto the street and then what came toward me was a car with a Rudolph nose on the grill and antlers every where!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Quit your jibba-jabba! I ain't flying in no plane, you crazy alien from Mars! How did you get here? I bet you traveled on a expired visa!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels. Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I was so in shock from her death, I didn't see what happened to the usher who took us to our seats. He just disappeared! Maybe he went into the 3D theater by mistake. If he did, and he doesn't realize he doesn't have his polarizing glasses on, he's in for a headache. A bad one.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Face down on the ground! Put your hands behind your back stalked a ninja! He was there the ENTIRE TIME! When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home. sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students. With their unorthodox approach, they gathered exotic plants from the Amazon Rainforest, pulverized them and mixed them with liquid kale, because it's so good for you!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Hut one, hut two, there he goes! Quick!! Get on him, before he prepared the meal.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle. We'll have to get the horses in on it too. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
They would cover the Earth with moss. Happiness is cozy, soft, and green. How could anyone argue against me? Do they want to get punched? Do they want me bring the thunder?
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Covering my face with my hands, I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. A moment later, all hell broke loose as she screamed, "WHAT IS THAT??" "What?" I said. "I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag. I was scared that in it would be a basket of fruit.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Surely there must be a better profession for me, like the job I just saw advertized in the classified: "Private lab time needed immediately for sensitive experiments.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO. That's not champagne. It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
As he opened them, he said, "Mama used to say life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you might find under all those boxes." In fact, down on the floor in the far corner, I found a reason to live again! Now I'll never have to hunt for a tool again! Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
It covered the entire front of the store!! I'd never seen anything like it. It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
The reason must be that I ate too much brains! I don't have any room left for you." The zombie lumbered off and I knew I had to beef up my defenses in a big way. So I added a whole line of new models of subcompacts.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net. Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
This story is about a brown hat. Not just any brown hat, mind you, but specifically it was really a purple hat that was needed.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog. A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I decided to get a second opinion. The new doctor examined me, and with a big smile on his face, said to me, "
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Oh Boy! I got a new video game! I could hardly wait to get home to play it! I got home, opened the box, and inside I saw a giant strawberry! I could use it to make dessert with.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery. But the truck bed was full of big fat earthworms--so big and fat that they looked like mashed up tatters of former flowers.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
With that junk out of the way, I was able to start moving furniture around so it made more sense. I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink!
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
HIT THE--" He never finished his sentence, however, because that biggy size hot chocolate just spilled in his lap! He swiftly landed in full view of the spectators that had gathered to watch the race!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
and these 2 lungs are the only ones you'll ever have, so you need to take care of them! And the best way to do that is to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible; otherwise the patient will ask for more Jello pudding than we can hope to provide.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I'm an accountant. One day the boss looked over my shoulder and started laughing hilariously, and then he bellowed, " I'm starvin'! I ain't had nuthin' to eat but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
It does me up a treat! And et, und, et cetera. I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph. Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late! He pushed the button of the vending machine expecting a deli sandwich, but instead, down the chute came a grenade!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
In moments like these, I'm sure glad I use Dial. Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits. I was thinking Goldman and Sachs.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side). We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He smiled, sat down and boo-hooed right there in the mall. What else could happen?!!
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill! NOW!!!" But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, " Orrrder uuuuuup!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
I'm good at that!! Cackling evilly, I carved scary faces into all the pumpkins in the patch! Then all the seeds and pulp I threw into the back of my Dodge Ram pickup truck.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
There was also an acoustic coupler modem on display. "Wow!" I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
"Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta! This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs. Let me demonstrate, Kent." Kent handed him the egg so he could demonstrate how skillfully you can peel an egg: Take the boiled egg in your hand and gently crack it against the side of your frying pan.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That reminded me of when we went camping and we pitched the tent on the side of a hill: When it rained we started sliding down the hill and we landed in a cow patty. Squish. We immediately had a flat tire! And I know it was because we ran over a speed bump that was so big, the front end of the car shot into the air!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
When it is time to go to the bank, I am sure we will NEVER MISS any of this stuff! It feels SO GOOD to relax now and do my yoga exercises! I am so limber I bet I could put my foot under my bra. I didn't have a pocket so that's where I kept the money from the yardsale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Now the fun begins! The co-pilot thought I was kidding, but far be it from me to let him know what was really* going on.*
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
I stored them neatly stacked next to all my old LP's. Too bad some of them were warped from the heat in the attic. But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle." "Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
"Well, you didn't expect him to throw up on it, did you? Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
my mouth tasted like wallpaper paste. I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly. I open the supply cabinet and what do I find?
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
The adoration, the adulation, the accolade...ization. I came into this world a nobody, but I'm going to leave happy. Yes siree! No one can take the smile off my face!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Will your viewing audience please stop throwing food and sit down! This is not a middle school cafeteria! Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I got my gloves, my chaps, and of course my hat. That hat and me go way back.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
With that, she turned around and punched her in the face as hard as she could. She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face! He stood up and gathered his belongings, which was difficult to do while holding the coffee cup.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
It seemed a good time to take a walk around the deck and breathe in a lot of fresh fish! "That's amazing!" He said. "Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors? How fast can this thing go?"
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust. "I can't believe you just wet your pants!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
It cannot be possible! Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
I got up early so I could watch all my favorite cartoons! First they played some oldies like Mighty Mouse and Mickey Mouse. Then the network switched over to the ads, which are even louder and more frenetic than the shows!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
I'm an agent. A secret agent. A spy, to be precise. My headquarters is Spy Base Alpha, and from here we have access to all communications satellites, private and government-owned foreign and domestic.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Fanning myself and perspiring, I went inside to cool off. The A/C was cranked up (or is it down?), fortunately.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas! "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Blue lips are not sexy!" Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot! Blue lips are not sexy!" Why do I have to wear that hideous dress? Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot! Blue lips are not sexy!"
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Ever get that vague feeling that something's missing? What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place. Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life? None of this makes sense to me.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
In which case, you should start over. As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control. So we looked at the dehumidifiers.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Next, eat some ice cream. This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Countering the attack with another new move, the hovering spinning high kick, he propelled his opponent across the room flew a whirling bat ninja right at me. I was terrified! I screamed out for several long minutes, the elation of victory like electricity shooting through my body.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours. At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry. So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Remarkably unscathed for having been in so many wars, there were few scars. All the other ants in the mound felt more secure with him around, knowing he'd been responsible for killing many enemy spies who had infiltrated his kingdom.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal. The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil. over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
This caused him to emit a strange growl-like sound from the base of his throat. Disturbed, I asked him, "
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
"We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner! Russell used some when he worked at Busch; let's call him." So we called Russell to check out the buckets of unknown substance in the far corner.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
the Hulk bellowed, "But the Hulk is strongest there is! Me prove it! Me dumb. Me stupid. Me go the wrong way on a one-way street. Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!"
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I'm telling you, you've got to try this onion dip. It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows. What's going on? Is this some kind of sales pitch?!!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that?
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"Who did this to you?" They asked. "NINJA!" He yelled "Stop the presses! Stop the presses!!" The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!! What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
It's been 4 stinkin' decades since we had meats! We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess. This meal should keep the average person satisfied for thirty seconds. Oooh! But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
I love the smell of cedar. You can just sit in the shade of the trees and enjoy the breeze and listen to the crunching of the tacos, the sloshing of the margaritas, and the sizzling of the fajitas.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Her ability to spin on her toes was phenomenal. We could only watch in amazement, envying her strength and grace. "How beautiful are the deep pools of blue that are your eyes. I lose myself into their depths; I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie."
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
He howled, more in anger than pain for nothing could make a person madder than a knock on the nose. That soft cartilage is so sensitive, so easy to bleed, so tender and kind. I felt much better about the whole situation now that the lands no longer lived under the tyrannical ravages of the Minotaur King, the people would be free to laugh out loud, sleep in on weekends, and eat dessert at any time of day!
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Of course I had to buy it! It would be the perfect gift for my pet gila monster, Scalie. Scalie loved gifts like this! She usually ate them. At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
I am sure when I am there I will see many architectural wonders. I don't know which I like better: Looking from a distance at the whole structure, or up close at the details such as how far we'll have to swim to get to land if our ship sank.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
The sargeant will have our heads in we don't find them! Man! They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!"
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
I dragged him inside and tried to put him to sleep so the vet and I could operate. We had a hard time because he was so fat.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
No. We've got to conserve our ammunition, collect what food we have left, and prepare to broil some tasty dinosaur patties.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Now you must beware of the last two because they are poisonous. More poisonous than a brown recluse, in fact! They're so poisonous, that instead of killing a person when the person eats it, this carnivorous plant, averaging 50 feet high, EATS PEOPLE!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Noticing he was low on gas, he pulled in to a gas station. He filled up his gas tank and kept going. And then, birds landed on him! So he started singing: "Zippidy doo-dah, zippidy-ey, my o' my what a wonderful day just the kind of day for a hot rod race on the open road. Start your engines!"
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"You're so silly!" Omar said, "We don't need air tanks for that! We can just hold our breath. they jumped into the car and drove to the museum. They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum!
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
The huge stained glass windows glowed from the sunshine outside. In the far corner we spotted a group of But enough about that. We hadn't been to a museum yet so we jumped up and headed for the closest Starbucks. "Boy, these things are everywhere!" I agreed, "Lucky for us...I can't believe I slept till noon and I'm STILL tired!
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
We could invent new ones! And we could sell some of them to the President of the Unites States!
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
The third fact is farts are stinky. Sometimes they can be REALLY stinky! And sometimes they're loud!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
In the middle of the night, I can get it out and use it to help me steal hot dogs from the mess hall. See?" He demonstrated, and Private Munchausen said "I like to suffer, and I'm going to make you suffer too. 500 pushups on the double!"
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go; hum,hum,hum,hum....hum,hum,hum,hum, Hi Ho Hi Ho, Hi Ho Hi Ho." They were such a happy bunch! So happy that they cheered, in chorus, "GROUP HUG!"
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I growled as I walked in. She said, " Hand me that application and I will see if you are qualified to take any classes. I want you to know that I make the final decision, so you better be on your p's and q's.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat. 300 mice died to provide you with that stylishly avant-garde attire, and don't let them forget it.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
Don't forget the food." So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up. What a relief! Imagine getting so sick on that food! What was in it? It must have been cooked with bacon grease. That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
That'll liven things up around here!" Alas, every book in the entire library was checked out. Now what?! I guess we will have to go to the comic book store. And when we get there I will buy some sense, and gift-wrap it and give it to you! What were you thinking when you used your peanut butter sandwich as a bookmark?!! Now this book looks like a bunch of crap.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air. Bonnie immediately began stuffing more explosives into the fireplace and said "I feel less stressed already! Your technique is agitating me.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
he said, "my boil just erupted!" The customer gawked and said, "You expect me to eat this crap?!! It stinks, it's dripping with grease, and it makes me want to take a dump in every last car you got. I'm gonna pee on your counter, I'm gonna do it all.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Time was running out. He knew he must write his will, so to Jackie Chan he would leave his collection of gemstones in his secret hiding place. No one would ever think to challenge my power again. They had thought to feast upon me, but they were fed only wrath. It left them with a taste they shall never forget.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
He had just finished reading the latest reports, which said The bottom is dropping out of the Stock Market!
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Where did that come from?! Is it programmed for a target?! Oh no! It is headed for a crash!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
"So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals." "Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
That's what the country's coming to. A parking lot here, a parking lot there, and pretty soon you've got some real evidence there! Let me get a closer look.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
On some he saw expectation, on others he saw apprehension. But on one particular face he saw himself! The similarity was remarkable! The eyes, the nose, even the way he parted his hair.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
He spent most of the time talking about himself. As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Once upon a time, there lived a giant computer. It was powerful. So powerful, in fact, So they went ahead and ran around the block fifteen times just to be sure.