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Story IDTitleCreatorStatusNum EntriesDate Finished
174  Springtime in VirginiabettyDone2212/27/2022
     And when I finally checked the calendar, I realized our next house is going to need multiple fireplaces, because that last winter was a doozy!
173  Daylight Saving Time !bettyDone234/21/2021
    Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer. Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!! Get those steaks ready!! He was always generous with sprinkling the garlic salt, but he was very careful with the bottle of 1931 Sauvignon Blanc from France.
172  A Winter Day in the WildernessbonnieDone222/15/2021
    Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full. However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass! You can set it right next to this bigger can of Whoop-Ass!" Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head.
171  Oh, the weather outside is frightful...bettyDone2212/31/2020
    albeit feet-first. I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts.
170  The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!bettyDone231/13/2020
    I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it. I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
169  A Breath of Fresh AirbonnieDone2211/15/2019
     He couldn't see! He was stumbling! Stumbling, he tried to reach for the next page of music, but his cramp was so bad it was like he was moving in slow motion. The band would not wait! They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure.
168  Toiling at 3 a.m.bettyDone2210/13/2019
    And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. We steeled our resolve and And? And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. It would have been a terrifying sound at any time, but hearing at 3am was the worst. We steeled our resolve and And?
167  The Reckoning of the KiwisxanderDone227/28/2019
    Meat pies steamed behind the counter of coffee shops. Yes, it was a day just like any other. But little did the inhabitants know, today would be the last normal day in a long time.
166  Somebody's Gotta Do It !bettyDone227/8/2019
     He said, " it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other.
165  I love Thunderstorms !bettyDone216/10/2019
     Indeed, thunderstorms are a dramatic immersion for the senses. Even the air felt electrified. The soft hair on my arms was lifting up! My scalp was tingling!
164  Wrapping those Christmas Presents !bettyDone231/9/2019
    Good king Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephen!" The entire room erupted in song! We raised our glasses and forgot all about the present wrapping, and joined in with singing and dancing. The music was outstanding Especially the trumpet player who stood on the stage and proceeded to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!"
163  Let's Set Fire to the WoodsxanderDone2112/7/2018
    Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery.
162  Some Kind of AdventurexanderDone239/10/2018
     Let's call up a Harvard professor and ask him if he knows why the room is glowing orange. He'll probably say, "You dunderhead! Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" Now what? Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player.
161  That Garage !bettyDone228/9/2018
     When it rains, the water runs down the hill, comes through the back door and flows all across the whole garage and goes out the door!
160  I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?bettyDone248/3/2018
    You know that would be the ultimate experience! hedge after hedge after hedge... Maybe into shapes, like for instance the shape of a PAYCHECK!!!!
159  A large, healthy tuft of stump grassbonnieDone227/18/2018
     Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158  Cleaning up after Milo the MousebettyDone217/11/2018
    All those TV Crews! How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm. "Stand back!" But Boppy exclaimed, "I can't kill it if I've named it!"
157  Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA CampusbettyDone227/6/2017
    They all trooped in and lo, and behold, there waiting for them was Hulk Hogan! He was going to teach them a new school anthem. He tapped his conductor's rod on the podium, and then, when he was sure he had their attention, he said, "I am the Big Cheese around here. If you need ANYthing, just ask me, and I will refer you to my friend: Chuck Norris."
156  San Antonio VacationgregDone225/27/2017
    of A!" She then pounded the table for emphasis, causing all the stray animals to congregate in Bonnie's back yard.
155  Will That Snow Ever Melt? !bettyDone212/5/2017
     And isn't that part of the fabric of life? Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy. And isn't that part of the fabric of life?
154  Different Pizza ToppingsgregDone211/11/2017
     MMMM! DELICIOUS! We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN!
153  But I don't want to!bonnieDone2011/13/2016
     We are sick and tired of it. I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry! Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated.
152  We Need More Enthusiasm !bettyDone2210/16/2016
    It was from the party last night! Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza! And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes.
151  Xander's New Dorm RoombonnieDone219/9/2016
     We all got to see Xander's room for the very first time! It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface? It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni!
150  Trying to Keep Cool !bettyDone228/20/2016
     We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat. As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, "
149  The Stump VinebonnieDone214/26/2016
    I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps.
148  LaundrycolleenDone204/2/2016
     Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist!
147  It's snowing!!!colleenDone292/22/2016
     We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket." These are handy to have around & have many uses. The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen. One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero. You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash!
145  Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!bettyDone212/5/2016
    And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!!
144  Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!colleenDone201/10/2016
    That was effective, and I was able to get on with my work selling potholders door to door. Everyone loved the red and yellow ones.
143  Resolutions for the New Year !bettyDone221/9/2016
    I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running. How annoying. I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!" The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while.
142  Ordering Online Christmas Presents !bettyDone2112/14/2015
    Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box. And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place! After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box!
141  Dual CompostersgregDone2112/13/2015
     Last time, I situated my composter on a hill. I bet you can figure how that turned out. That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile.
140  Deli BolognagregDone2211/28/2015
     Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from. They were holding handkerchiefs over their noses and were mumbling, "
139  Getting Ready for Fall !bettyDone2110/29/2015
     We need lots of colorful leaves, and lots of dog poop which was scattered here and there in our ditch. Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor. To counter that, Cliff decided to shred them. "You can't ever have too much butternut squash, because we want to make soup with it !Bowls and bowls of soup seasoned with sprinkles of rosemary.
138  SlatheragegregDone219/16/2015
     He slowly inched through the pasture field dodging cow pies and carefully watching out for the hot-tempered bull, which was hiding behind a clump of weeds. The General abruptly stiffened with alertness. Creeping forward, he spotted a fire ant hill right in his path !!
137  Growing Those Tomatoes !bettyDone218/1/2015
    Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood.
136  Midnight snackcolleenDone216/11/2015
    I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada.
135  That New Smart PhonebettyDone226/10/2015
    As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on!
134  NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THISgregDone246/3/2015
    Everyone was gathering into little groups to avoid talking to him. Then suddenly he came toward us and said, "I want my two dollars!" Panicking, I slept.
133  Why me!?!!colleenDone236/3/2015
    Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation. Only then can a person really have the courage to stand up before an audience and give a rallying speech. Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets.
132  Backyard ProjectsbettyDone225/28/2015
    Disappointed and frustrated, I determined that the cosine of a right angle is equal to the length of the adjacent line divided by the hypotenuse. and called the cops, thinking I was about to hang a hippopotamus.
131  Cupcakes!colleenDone225/26/2015
    But we weren't done yet! Next we put the pastel cupcake wrappers in the muffin pan and put it in the larger mixing bowl.
129  Climbing Enchanted RockbettyDone215/2/2015
    We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128  I Need to Take a Trip !bettyDone224/16/2015
    It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc. It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats! But he was a big fan of just taking a nap!
127  Bonnie's New Tutoring JobbonnieDone274/16/2015
    She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose. So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting.
126  Getting Ready for New Year's EvebettyDone222/18/2015
     First make a list and go to the grocery store. Peruse the aisles and be sure to pick out lots of fireworks to launch at random people and scare the daylights out of them!
125  New Year's ResolutionsbonnieDone2212/24/2014
     So anyone can decide tomorrow will be a new day and when you wake up, the first thing you should do is get an accountability partner. What's that, you say?
124  Get Those Presents Wrapped !bettyDone2212/24/2014
     Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot. From there they will be handed out to homeless people. What will they do with them? Obviously, they will put them in the refrigerator asap.
123  We Need a Plumber !bettyDone2212/12/2014
     Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago. sign because the fuzzy dize were blocking my view, and unfortunately the odor was overpowering.
122  Christmas DecorationsbonnieDone2212/12/2014
    But they're just acting. They're just lying there waiting to be strung from shrub to shrub. Let's get going!
121  I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!bettyDone2111/28/2014
    Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint. I can see how that would help, considering I had lost my contact lenses. Down on my hands and knees searching for them I found instead two strange-looking rocks.
120  The Great BeyondxanderDone219/21/2014
     They needed to be brave, intuitive, and ambitious! So I picked these three people: Gandhi, Einstein, and Owen Wilson. I figured that third choice made perfect sense because he had just eaten a loaf of bread the size of his head. He then extemporaneously launched into song.
119  Summer bonnieDone209/21/2014
    And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels.
118  Best Video Game of the Year !bettyDone228/15/2014
    I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game! Why if I had not been concentrating, my handsome hero would surely have fallen into debt.
117  The best movie EVER!!!colleenDone217/18/2014
    Maybe he went into the 3D theater by mistake. If he did, and he doesn't realize he doesn't have his polarizing glasses on, he's in for a headache.
116  What I Saw When I Took A Walk IIgregDone235/28/2014
    When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home. sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !!
115  You know...bonnieDone2311/10/2013
    Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great? Then you need to put your feet up sometimes.
114  Whatever is on your mind !bettyDone2410/27/2013
    I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113  Nursery RhymegregDone2210/24/2013
    It only takes a spark to get a fire going so they could have a giant Humpty-Dumpty omlette! HAHAHA!! There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle.
112  Global Warming !bettyDone268/19/2013
    Someone must have manually opened the seal! Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust. Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami.
110  Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !bettyDone224/19/2013
    I thought about selling it on Ebay, then decided I should have it hermetically sealed in a glass case for prosterity, but in a flash, it was gone; Xander had snatched it out of my hands and devoured it.
109  ThanksgivingbonnieDone1912/19/2012
    Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds! But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep! I wonder who brought them? Could it have been that I had made them myself and forgotten? At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal.
108  I Blew Up My Lab!gregDone2110/26/2012
    Slather it with A1 Steak Sauce! Then you will probably start to feel hungry enough to make yourself a big bowl of hot shut the hell up. When I heard that City of Heroes was in danger of shutting down, I got so mad that I slammed the door; the shock rattled the shelf and down to the floor fell a beaker full of precious golden rings.
107  Christmas Shopping IIIbettyDone212/11/2012
    The stewardess offered us complimentary drinks as bubbly as she was. Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO. That's not champagne. It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106  Let's Organize Your Garage !bettyDone227/25/2011
    For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105  Christmas Shopping IIgregDone212/24/2011
    You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat. When you see them coming you must floor it! "Eat my dust, turkeys!" I yelled out the window as the car shot out of the stocking which was hanging on the mantle. I heard a rustling in the chimney, an looked up and saw a huge SALE sign!!!
103  Zombie Attack!gregDone226/10/2010
    It scared me so badly that I screamed, " Where's my money, you silly stupid old fool?" Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
102  The Art of DeclutteringbettyDone218/4/2009
    And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101  The hathood of the traveling brown hat.rhondaDone213/20/2009
    They specialize in sneaky stuff like letting the air out of the sweatband of the hat where I found a secret note!
100  The Nephews come to VisitgregDone2212/9/2008
    That was something else. It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac.
99  Laser Eye SurgerygregDone2010/3/2008
    Rhonda exclaimed, "While you're in there, why don't you get me a metal prod so I can get behind the eyeball and repair the side of my car that the guy smashed into when he was trying to park, cuz he couldn't see worth a darn."
98  Abiathar the Superhero!gregDone214/27/2007
    It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
97  My New Video Game!bettyDone213/13/2007
    OH NO, I must not die. In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down! And I hadn't saved my game! I was so mad! I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration.
96  Fixing up my GardengregDone221/29/2007
    That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it.
95  Rearranging My New Tech RoombettyDone221/31/2007
     Wow, the fur did fly! Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town"
94  Speeding Down the HighwaybettyDone2112/4/2006
    He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph.
93  Having SurgerygregDone2012/1/2006
    Maybe it's because they accidentily stitched him up with tools still inside his abdominal cavity! It wouldn't have been the first time. They quietly ordered an X-ray of his brain, completely unsure what the bulge was. They were pretty sure though that the X-ray would show the presence of decades-old cysts the size of walnuts.
92  Accountant at WorkgregDone214/1/2006
    Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work.
91  What I Saw When I Took a WalkbettyDone213/31/2006
    Fortunately, I was wearing my Kevlar vest and it bounced off! It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me!
90  Learning a Foreign LanguagegregDone222/4/2006
    Show me your passport." And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air.
89  Putting out Christmas LightsbettyDone212/3/2006
    It became the Christmas Toast. We put it in hyperdrive and watched with glee, when it started to spark and sizzle from all the electricity coursing through it.
88  Lazor Beam HydragregDone2212/16/2005
    My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87  Concert at Chrysler HallbettyDone2112/14/2005
    Now all that was left to do was to put a new CD in the stereo that had been playing all the music all along.
86  Touring EuropebonnieDone2112/13/2005
    But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat. She wasn't paying attention and drifted into the oncoming lane!
85  Christmas ShoppingbettyDone2212/1/2005
    God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84  Working at McDonald'sgregDone2112/1/2005
     The new kitchen at Mc Donald's could satisfy even a barnyard full of swine. That's why we never eat at McDonald's anymore! It would seem that fast-food production was more streamlined and technology-driven than even Dilbert could ever imagine!
83  Trip to the Pumpkin PatchsherryDone2211/7/2005
    What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts! If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine.
82  test2gregDone249/16/2015
    Into a million pieces of pillow filling! bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test. Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game.
81  Going Into Space IIgregDone2110/28/2005
    Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree!
80  Taking Computer ClassbettyDone2010/27/2005
    Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do! I couldn't believe it!
79  Cooking Show IIgregDone219/27/2005
    Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television." (laugh track) "To start with, crack these eggs, whip them up, and blend them into your stock pot.
78  Potty Training the TwinsbettyDone219/24/2005
     This is a job I am not looking forward to, but it has to be done. I have 2 potty chairs, 2 bags of M&M's, and 2 bags of gummy bears to use as positive reinforcement!
77  Noisy NeighborsbonnieDone219/23/2005
    When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76  Driving Across CountrybettyDone229/16/2005
    As if on cue, the voice of Jackie Gleason could be heard exclaiming, "You're going too fast!" But think about it, how are you going to avoid that big traffic jam up ahead?
75  NASCAR DaysgregDone219/9/2005
    He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric!
74  Conserving WaterbonnieDone229/9/2005
    In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar. The foil pinwheel toy cost a dollar. In fact, *everything* we bought cost a dollar!
73  The Best Diet Ever!sherryDone218/31/2005
     Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet! "Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones.
72  What a Yard Sale!bettyDone208/23/2005
     Soon the hordes would be here. I was a little nervous, because this was my very first yard sale. I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale.
71  Test PilotgregDone218/17/2005
    But as soon as I stood up, my head hit the ceiling! and take off my lucky socks.
70  A Day in the Life of a DorksherryDone218/14/2005
    Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
69  Time for a Checkup!bonnieDone218/3/2005
    But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown."
68  Building My New Cat CondobettyDone217/10/2005
    It will spark so much interest, you'll be building the biggest mega-cat-condo in the world! All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store.
67  Putting Up WallpapergregDone216/12/2005
    "Hey! Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!"
66  My Newest Home Improvement Project!bettyDone205/17/2005
     It must have been 30 feet into the air. We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up.
65  Phone CallbonnieDone215/9/2005
    he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door.
64  Airline PilotgregDone214/23/2005
     Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63  I'm Not In It For The...bonnieDone214/6/2005
    a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment. After all, who would know that the slacker pizza cook would just put a smattering of cheese on my pizza! He even missed a couple spots!
62  Hosting a Cooking ShowbettyDone214/12/2005
    For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference.
61  Ain't It Cool?gregDone224/7/2005
    and on the back it would say "got r00t?" Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties. We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos.
60  Competing with Starbuck'sbonnieDone214/2/2005
     Obviously some of the rest of us are entitled to a piece of the action. So here's the plan: Rent a storefront, buy some coffee beans, and to grind them, buy a big muffin. The bigger the better. The biggest I've ever seen. In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder.
59  My First Ocean CruisebettyDone213/28/2005
    Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull! "They really ought to do something about that!"
58  Captain UnderpantsgregDone213/23/2005
    To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts!
57  New Year's Resolutions!bonnieDone213/18/2005
    She would also eat a lot more lettuce! With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear! Whew! Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident! That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping.
56  Saturday Morning's Cartoon MarathonbettyDone213/13/2005
    This team of friends had agreed to buy all the ingredients to make homemade pizza. So before they went to the store they made a list of ingredients: Trix cereal, cinnamon bun, chocolate milk, and peanut butter cookies!
55  Spy Base AlphagregDone213/8/2005
     The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower.
54  Texas WinterbonnieDone203/3/2005
    We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky. Why they were huge! They were as big as beanbag chairs!
53  Christmas Shopping - 2004bettyDone202/26/2005
     You know everyone just loves those boxes of styrofoam peanuts. Find someone who has a fan blowing in their room, dump the box, and watch the fun! Hundreds of kids having a present wrapping contest.
52  Modeling AgencygregDone212/21/2005
     Around and around they went. Soon their faces matched their chartreuse skin with their pointy ears and antennae.
51  All I Need Is...bonnieDone212/16/2005
     What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place. Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life? None of this makes sense to me. To help me I think I'll ask the bartender.
50  My Summer at the Archeological DigbettyDone212/11/2005
     Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49  Shopping at Lowe'sgregDone202/6/2005
     I'm going to climb up to the top shelf and get one myself! With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet. But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall!
48  Anorexia TherapybonnieDone212/1/2005
     To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. That will add good protein without making you feel overfull. Eat quickly, and that saltine cracker will be gone before you know it. Now you may eat one Goldfish cracker. Next, eat some ice cream.
47  Building My New House!bettyDone231/27/2005
    "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!"
46  Ultimate Ninja IIgregDone211/22/2005
    As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear!
45  Election Day!bettyDone211/17/2005
     Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind." I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry.
44  A Day in the Life of...bonnieDone201/12/2005
    When it was over, Barrister lay there panting. Feathers were flying everywhere. Tiny blood spatters covered his face with his hands, as he heard the prison warden approaching. A heartless, cruel man, the warden was well-known for his ferocity in battle.
43  High School CarwashgregDone201/7/2005
     My friends and I decided to have a carwash this weekend, in order to raise money for the prom! The theme this year was Election Year Falderall! We brought out the banners of red, white, and blue. We brought out the banners of elephants and donkeys. We even brougnt out the banners of eye-catching, colorful cloth were tied up in various locations around the perimeter of the parking lot for the purpose of raising money for the annual sack race.
42  Pushed Over the EdgebonnieDone211/2/2005
     Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse. "MO---om! Mom! Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold.
41  Cleaning Out the GaragebettyDone2112/28/2004
     I'm cracking up! I need to stop and take a break. I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold. It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!" Who knows how long that had been there!
40  HULK SMASH!gregDone2012/23/2004
    No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
39  Joining the PTAbonnieDone2012/18/2004
    "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!" she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned. I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!"
38  Going to the County FairbettyDone2012/13/2004
     Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head!
37  News at 11gregDone2012/8/2004
     Why one of them was playing the saxophone, and the tune was " Thus Spoke Zoroaster", from "2001: A Space Odyssey". And then, it was time for an ad. A man appeared holding a microphone in the face of John Kerry so close that his nose was almost all the way to the back of his head!
36  Investigating VegetarianismbonnieDone2112/3/2004
     Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
35  Boppy's Trip to TexasbettyDone2111/28/2004
    So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one. When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea!
34  Dance ClassbonnieDone2111/23/2004
    So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience. Then, the dancers to the sides move toward the center, and the dancers in the center move you must do a somersault, ending in a backflip, and still have enough energy left to do four running leaps diagonally across the dance floor.
33  The Minotaur KinggregDone2111/18/2004
    I noticed a stream of urine running down the side of the cavern wall. the Minotaur King was relieving himself right above us!" I whispered back, "Now's our chance!"
32  The Bizarre BazaarbonnieDone2011/13/2004
     With that, he picked up a huge axe and smashed it into the table! "You overcharged me for that GI Joe figure!
31  My Trip Around the WorldbettyDone2111/8/2004
     To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China.
30  Downtown PrecinctgregDone2211/3/2004
     Being a cop isn't easy, and it isn't any easier at the Downtown Precinct. This is the roughest part of town, and I know it all too well. I'm Powers. Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect.
29  Growing Up on a FarmbettyDone2110/29/2004
    I dragged him inside and tried to put him to sleep so the vet and I could operate. We had a hard time because he was so fat. The fat seemed to absorb the knockout juice. But we succeeded when we gave him a big dose of what for! we chortled. "Next time you'll know better!
28  The Dinosaur WorldbonnieDone2110/24/2004
    Immediately we saw Jeff Goldblum! We wanted to get his autograph, but he ran right past us, screaming in terror.
27  Gardening with BettygregDone2010/19/2004
    (Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap.
26  On the Open RoadbonnieDone2110/14/2004
     He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving. But he could not hear her! Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on. Now she was getting mad because he wasn't answering her.
25  The International VillagebonnieDone2110/9/2004
     Digging a hole in the sand, they lay down some firewood. They placed the cooking pan in the outdoor oven which the Ruwandans had built with stone and layers of crushed bones were all that remained of those who opposed the formation of the International Village. Hauptmann Gestapo addressed those in attendance, saying, "
24  Weekend in ParisgregDone2110/4/2004
     For example, when I offered a little old lady my seat on a bus, she exclaimed, " Where's that music coming from? It seems to be all around us!" She was right; the very air seems to be immersed in vaporized perfume. How can they taste all the gourmet food when there's body odor attempting to hide under copious perfume everywhere you turn?
23  Xander Goes ShoppingbettyDone229/29/2004
     So Xander hurried over there and ordered a big Mac with cheese and extra ketchup and Great Biggie Fries.
22  Fart DictionarybonnieDone219/24/2004
     But be that as it may, I will help continue it: And the second fact is that when I was growing up we did not call them farts. We called them poots.
21  Boot CampgregDone219/19/2004
    We thought that was a strange thing to do, because we had already just finished doing 100 push-ups. Needless to say, we were pretty exhausted, and ready for a break. We cautiously asked the drill sargeant if he would let us have some more corned beef hash before we had to do another 100 push-ups.
20  Good Old Pop's Drive-inbettyDone219/14/2004
     How could this be? Every other time the food had tasted fresh and good. Maybe it was because the cook turned out to be an ex-con.
19  Going Back to CollegebettyDone219/9/2004
    I could see that there were old professors lying around everywhere. Some were nibbling jelly doughnuts and drinking coffee; some perusing the Wall Street Journal, and some were just livid that tuition had gone up again.
18  If You Give a Mouse a CookiebonnieDone219/4/2004
     Only one person is the exception to this rule, and that person would be Mr. Martin, the postman.
17  Our Summer VacationbettyDone218/30/2004
    That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation.
16  Trapped in a MinegregDone218/25/2004
    And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!"
14  Our Visit to the LibrarybonnieDone218/15/2004
    Alas, every book in the entire library was checked out. Now what?! I guess we will have to go to the comic book store. And when we get there I will buy some sense, and gift-wrap it and give it to you! What were you thinking when you used your peanut butter sandwich as a bookmark?!! Now this book looks like a bunch of crap.
13  Stress Reduction TechniquesbonnieDone238/10/2004
     What had happened?! We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table.
12  My New Job at Burger KingbettyDone208/5/2004
     It stinks, it's dripping with grease, and it makes me want to take a dump in every last car you got. I'm gonna pee on your counter, I'm gonna do it all. Let you know how it feels. And so it was time to clean that greasy, baconbit-encrusted grill. First off, turn it on low, then squirt it with liquified meat product.
11  Cooking with GrandmabettyDone227/31/2004
     And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
10  Ultimate NinjagregDone227/26/2004
    "How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!" He stealthily lunged out from under cover, and they immediately began shooting 360 degrees around their location, blowing away over half the threat in the first 4 seconds.
 Wall Street BluesgregDone227/16/2004
    He had just finished reading the latest reports, which said The bottom is dropping out of the Stock Market! And no one seems to know why! One theory is that blue chip stocks are always a recommended buy. Unless they're going down. In which case, he proceeded to sweep up all the ticker tape from the Exchange floor.
 Going into SpacebettyDone217/11/2004
     Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was.
 Ye Olde Medieval DaysbettyDone217/1/2004
    As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons!
 Barrister the Lawyer CatbettyDone216/26/2004
    But Barrister denied that his client had done any real wrong. The prosecutor, Miss Na Tasha scrambled up fuming.
 The Big ConundrumbettyDone216/21/2004
    This could only mean one thing, the subjects for the theses were all wrong! Gromit, they are all wrong! What will the students do now? They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car.
 Woo baby!gregDone216/16/2004
     Considering his cache of armor, he chose a shield, a big one, because his heart was gripped with fear that he would become dragon food: flame-broiled, crispy baby back ribs smothered in a tempting and tasty blanket of spicy hot peppers and smothered in cheese! He didn't want to be so anal-retentive, so he stopped himself from measuring his head to make sure the part was exactly in the middle.
 Big ComputergregDone186/11/2004
    And the best place for that will be in the kitchen, where the food is.