Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
then I'll reply, "You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen!! You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen! Can you not see that bird's nest?
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer. Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!!
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
The hills echoed with his bellow of rage, and remnants of soft verses of Psalmic peace.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. albeit feet-first. By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I mean brine roast the turkey...too LONG !! We would have to go the tried and true route which was to pack it full of apples and hope for the best. While waiting for the turkey to finished roasting, the oven twiddled its thumbs, wishing it had remembered to charge its phone.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Unfortunately, he didn't understand that you're supposed to take a deep breath first. So when he tried to gather up the magnolia leaves, the tree started rustling,he looked up and an avalanche of leaves came tumbling down! He couldn't see! He was stumbling! Stumbling, he tried to reach for the next page of music, but his cramp was so bad it was like he was moving in slow motion.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Eh, it'll be all right. So I just went ahead and played, but later I regretted that trolling. If I keep it up, folks will start to never take me seriously and I may even lose friends. Well, e-friends anyway.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
It was a normal day in Dunedin, New Zealand. The sun shone, and a cold wind blew in from the South. Seagulls squawked and crapped in every direction. Meat pies steamed behind the counter of coffee shops. Yes, it was a day just like any other.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
This was the most disappointing robotic vacuum I had ever used. 1 star! It got caught on everything!
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
I must take care of that he frantically thought! Maybe the best remedy would be to accept that you can't do laundry if the power is out. So just relax and admire the autograph. "You rock! Love, Thunderstorms", it read in a barely legible hand. Thunderstorms was never known for his verbosity.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Please, help yourself to another cup of egg nog. Now have a seat and relax. Lean back and contemplate what you are going to do next: wrap more presents, or eat ALL the Christmas cookies.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
This was the moment of truth. This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. woods or open fields? I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
And the texture was very light, like gossamer. Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Well, when somebody puts it like that, it makes perfect sense. From that point on, I knew I had to block the back door fast because water was truly running down the hill and quickly coming into the living room where we were playing a board game.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
My next challenge is to quit messing around and get a REAL job, like you know, I want a big salary, and no sweaty job. Sitting at a desk with the so cool AC and a cuppa tea whenever I wanted it... You know that would be the ultimate experience!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then! Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
"Stand back!" But Boppy exclaimed, "I can't kill it if I've named it!" No one could argue with that. But here's another question: if you've named a mouse Milo, can you ever set out a mousetrap for him? In his pathways, for him can you ever place a trap? Of course not! But we must be reasonable.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I walked across and peeked through the fence and saw himself! They had lined their entire property with mirrors! "How strange,"
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
What's going on?" And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!! I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!"
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
We had chairs for most of them, but the rest had to sit on the floor. That's okay, though, because it wouldn't last very long. Each group had to write an essay explaining the best way for the REST of the groups to be enthusiastic.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
But the coolest thing he has in his room is a large, heavy anvil. His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Serendipity! We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat. As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, "
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I looked it up on wikipedia and it said a stump vine is just a another name for a happening that is probably rare where they live, but a common occurrence around these parts.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together! When I took them out of the washer, they were all the color of a cloudy winter sky. Now, the only solution would be to tie-dye everything ! So I went shopping and bought 5 boxes of dye.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Would we be even able to get out of the house?? We went to look for the snow shovel, but instead found the manhole cover that had been lost for two months! "This is fantastic!" I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School! Even Donald Trump would want to own this...
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest. her suitcase, that is!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10! I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing. Sweating, I said "Give me that package!"
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The only way this can be rectified is to put all the meats through the sausage grinder again and then display them in the windows, for all to admire. Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And giant spikes made out of wood logs! And the surrounding area was covered in moldy gray moss that smelled like gym socks that had been stuffed with rotten onions and baby vomit. I took them and soaked them overnight. Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!? Seriously, lead?!?!? Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it. Why then would you not want that? Obviously, life would be easier with a million bucks. So I started taking classes on business at the local community college.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
And his line is "Ayyyy." Boooooo Wooooo was that an excellent comeback or what?! Wheeee we said as we sailed down the waterslide straight into a big pool of water mixed with just enough corn starch to Eat. Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek. The options were spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, or rigatoni.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Before I could explain myself, the owner of the garden center rushed over, alarmed yet civil, and insisted that I present certification from the county that I had been approved to dig an artificial pond. Unperturbed, I instead presented him with the business end of my shovel, and I washed the dirt off with a scrubbrush and hot soapy water.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I wanted the batter to stay fluffy, so very gently I hollowed out each cupcake and spooned in a mixture of soft serve ice cream, grated coconut, ground-up Kit-Kat bars, and wet walnuts.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped. The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on. I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really?
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
But that's OK, because I'd spent the last 10 years slowly building up resistance to arsenic. Confident I'd be OK, I took a big bite and froze. Never in my life had I ever tasted anything so disgusting and horrible.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Sure enough...I opened the door and found a cup of Whoop-Ass! I immediately picked it up and threw it at him! He then carried the stack of folders over to the table and spread out the construction paper, blunt scissors, glitter, and glue.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
I could drink a giant mug of that! And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise. It's good for you! It's Regular Ordinary Swedish meal time flies when you're having fun!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
What's that, you say? Well, say you resolve to go jogging every morning. You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference! Good for you! Keep up the good work!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Presents to sort! The wrapping paper I bought on Dec. 26....where was it??I found all of it in the back of the car. The first step is to acquire the presents. Second, you have to get someone to put their finger in the middle of a bow, so you can pull out just as much as you need.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
The perfect answer to our problem--WD-40 is famous as a remedy for squeaky hinges and cleaning away sticky gunk, but I bet you didn't know you can also use it for a lethal weapon. uh-oh. There are three things you never want to hear your plumber say: "Uh-oh", "This is really going to cost a lot", and "
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
My favorite thing to use for that is a treetop angel...dressed in silver and gold and on her head wpuld be a sparkling grape juice instead of champagne. "What!" I exclaimed. "I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER." I stared quizzically at Vladimir Putin, who was in turn staring intensely at a full-size horse and licking his lips.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet !
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Several of the most hilarious suggestions included Don't forget your underwear. Bring some comic books. But the funniest suggestion of all was to don't even worry about it, just go ahead and take some time to consider who you want to take with you.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!!
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
They were next to the Cheetos, Slim Jims, Twizzlers, and a box of Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner. But it was so loud, we couldn't hear the movie! "HEY!! SHUT THAT OFF!" I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang "
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter. Hey! That's my peanut butter!!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
you can afford it! Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks. you can afford it! In the whole milk there is a lot of algae growing there." Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
It used gravity wells and quantum tunneling to launch giant blue whales from every port in the country, in celebration of the Year of Cheese! The streets were teeming with people donning their cheddar hats, colby jack vests, and of course, their feta shoes.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
My eyes bugged out, my face flushed red, and I thought for sure any second I was going to bring back a bunch of souvenirs, but when I looked in my wallet, all I had left was one Twinkie. It was the last cake in the entire world of the once-fabled Hostess cake company.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!" He replied, "It would cost a bazillion dollars to cater Thanksgiving dinner to the whole town! But that's okay, Christmas is just six days away!!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Then you will probably start to feel hungry enough to make yourself a big bowl of hot shut the hell up. When I heard that City of Heroes was in danger of shutting down, I got so mad that I slammed the door; the shock rattled the shelf and down to the floor fell a beaker full of precious golden rings.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO. That's not champagne. It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
While we were there we also ordered a pizza to be delivered but when the deliveryman came, instead of a pizza he brought a box full of chocolates. As he opened them, he said, "Mama used to say life is like a box of chocolates.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket. There was a lot, but I managed to get it all stuffed in. With that out of the way, I decided to take a break and get some tinsel to throw on the tree.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
They're inexpensive, have great fuel economy, and just as importantly you must have lots of sunflowers. It is also important where you place them: only put them back in the grave where they belong. But you have to hit them pretty hard to stop them, because they ate too many brains (!) which caused them to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra. Things would really move along then! Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil. Within moments they were fast asleep, and I was able to turn flips so fast that we could not keep our eyes focused; nor could we show our face in Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Moments later, they came upon a wide, glistening puddle of goo. It looked like an experiment by Dr.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I got home, opened the box, and inside I saw a giant strawberry! I could use it to make dessert with. I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It was just past the crack of dawn when I noticed a bunch of slimy slugs eating away at my petunias. So I poured on them some high powered weed killer.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I moved the work table next to the cat food which was really starting to stink! I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice. It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Quick as a wink, they saw blue lights in the rear view mirrors, so they hightailed it across the state, carefully avoiding known speed traps, living off of coffee and Slim Jims, and sleeping in the car in Wal-Mart parking lots.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
This would be the first time I'd ever been operated on. The note also said "What have you eaten lately?
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
well! I couldn't believe my eyes...it was a stack of money from the IRS, because I had overpaid my taxes not just last year, but the past four years as well! Flush with cash, I immediately headed for Long John Silver's!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!" I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
He kept plugging in lights but instead of coming on, they would just explode like a long string a chinese firecrackers. Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Is that like an appraizor? Come appraize my house, and bring your 5 clipboards! "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom. That restless sound soon reached the top balcony, where our VIP seats were.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
We were going to collide head-on! Quickly I reached over and jerked the ripcord, and my parachute cmae hurtling out just in time! I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, " Where, oh where, are you tonight?
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
But he didn't understand that we never clean off the tables unless the manager yells at us; which he usually does every hour: He yells, "
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts! If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
He then tried to use the cash register, but it exploded! Into a million pieces of pillow filling!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"Wow!" I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home. "Hey! she whispered quickly.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere. With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
'Cause we're going to need it for all the poop that is on its way.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
The scintillating tones of Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven drifted with all their smokey offensive odor toward my patio!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
All the monounsaturated oil made it count! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers. That's why we always try to stay in a motel with a good lock on the bathroom door! They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
There is no A/C in a race car, and it gets pretty darn hot in the cabin. The vest, of course, is for protection.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It was going to be hard to get rid of everything before the sun went down. My best idea was to take all my potted plants, dump all the dirt out on a table, and use it to store all our hard-earned money in. It would take half the night to count all the coins! When it is time to go to the bank, I am sure we will NEVER MISS any of this stuff!
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board. And only I know the code to release them. Moo-ha ha! One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
After all, I was healthy as a horse! Why, just the other day I thought I felt a lump there, so it's a relief to find out that the rash would only last for a few more weeks and would clear up once I started eating more liver and spinach, as prescribed by the doctor. Only problem now was the fact that scratching the rash had left me with less than $5 in my pocket.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
(Hey, I was in a hurry!) Besides, it only cost 89 cents. And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back. Muhahaha!
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
So, to those of you who choose to take on the challenge of putting up wallpaper - my advice to you is avoid putting a lot of holes in the wall, because that will only cause discoloration later.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I decided to put it in the garbage disposal to see what would happen. I flicked the switch and the loud noise that erupted sounded like a hundred termites trying to chew through the wall!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
"Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen. And it seemed to be getting closer!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul. Because quitters never win, and winners never quit.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Will your viewing audience please stop throwing food and sit down! This is not a middle school cafeteria! Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Uncomfortable at best, and at worst, my underwear felt 2 sizes too small. I could never go through the whole day like this! So I headed for the rodeo. I got my gloves, my chaps, and of course my hat. That hat and me go way back. Why, I remember when 8-tracks were giving way to audio cassettes!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time. You know, the ones with the pierced noses and tattooed necks. I hate it when they serve me coffee. I wish they would go work at becoming more efficient at the cash register!" He, with furrowed brow, and she, petulant, continued to argue over which was the best sweetener.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
"They really ought to do something about that!" He shouted with ire, " Swab the deck, you landlubber. You will earn your keep on my ship. Now bring me a mug of cold frosty beer! Wow, would that hit the spot!"
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
She shouted, to no one in particular. Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy. It's all about finding the sources of disposable cellphones.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
As a result, he was disgraced--and grievously wounded. After he recovered from his coma he discovered he had a new ability: he had heightened awareness of a person's inclinations-- good or evil. It's up to us to determine which way the world goes.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
The pool isn't big enough ! and she pointed at a picture of the "Beef Stampede." We gasped; no one had ever managed to eat much at any of my Christmas parties; they mostly just wanted iced tea. It was just too hot. So I always made sure to provide plenty of suntan lotion when we go to the beach every Saturday.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
You know everyone just loves those boxes of styrofoam peanuts. Find someone who has a fan blowing in their room, dump the box, and watch the fun! Hundreds of kids having a present wrapping contest. Paper, ribbons, tape were flying everywhere. It was pandemonium. We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
This was it. Taking a deep breath, Jacqueline stepped over to the male model and adjusted his collar.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place. Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life? None of this makes sense to me. To help me I think I'll ask the bartender.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Who's up for some Mickie D's?" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?" And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I'm going to climb up to the top shelf and get one myself! With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet. But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall! Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
It's counter-productive. Stay focused on eating everything in sight. You may end up being bulimic, but at least that won't kill you. Probably. Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day. To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
he said, his breath knocked out all the windows in the art studio. Paint, easels, brushes were all flying out the window and straight into the exit tunnel!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are. Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind."
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Now I just want to lie down in the sun and dream about life beyond these four gray walls. He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot. Was it time for a booster?
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
It was like a river of foamy green beer. he explained jovially. We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal. The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
My new flexibility was a great asset to my health. I thought it was worth a try, so I plugged in some batteries and turned it on. Lights started flashing red, white, and blue!
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house. We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast."
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
People across the street turned to look and gasped because streams of green sludge were rushing down the gutters and into the subway tunnel.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
Together! I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
But we controlled ourselves and decided to give him the riot act. He was behaving like a crazy judge out to block anyone and everyone from winning a blue ribbon, much less the coveted county prize: the purple ribbon. How it gleamed in the mid-afternoon light.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"Who did this to you?" They asked. "NINJA!" He yelled "Stop the presses!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Spicy is good! Good for the immune system! Good for your mood! It's even good for fryin' up that armadillo you done run right over with your dang ol' truck. We scraped it up off the road, and put it in a tortilla!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I tried it out too. While I was whirling it around my waist, I started to feel nostalgia for the carefree days of my youth, once so far away, but now closer for seeing the whole collection of Scooby Doos all in one place was amazing!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams! They were all holding uzis! The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
This is the roughest part of town, and I know it all too well. I'm Powers. Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect. But I assure you I didn't do it. Please note how cooperative I'm being.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
What a mess they make! Well, here's another bucket of swill for them...Splash! And I think I will also add some corn to the pig's food. They seem to like that. But they don't seem to care much for city folk.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Xander tried to put the bones back together with some sticky dinosaur blood. We had to clean it off before it attracted more predators. We found a stream, and carefully waded into it.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
You can use it for digging up earthworms. You know those slick wiggly creatures that are so good for the soil. Why in only one hour they can process 50 pounds of superb cedar mulch. This is the good stuff!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
I said, and I turned around to go again. There is nothing that is more fun than going down hill in a red wagon. Zoom! Down you go! Everybody out of the way! And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg...
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
She was distressed to see its hoof stuck between two rocks, but at the same time knew its mooing/braying for help was the only was she was able to find it so fast. She worked quickly to mix up the scones for the Scottish bakerycafe.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Paris was never known for good manners. All the Parisians are very aloof, treating anyone with a different accent as scum. For example, when I offered a little old lady my seat on a bus, she exclaimed, " Where's that music coming from? It seems to be all around us!"
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
But what to do next? And where to go next? I think we should go over to the hardware department and we can look for some Transformers! The ones that turn into a robot and then into a jet plane and then into the Toy Department again to see if anything was missing from the shelves.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
It worked at first but not for long. Soon we had to come up with another idea.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
We cautiously asked the drill sargeant if he would let us have some more corned beef hash before we had to do another 100 push-ups. But nooooo, we did more push-ups and then it was time to go to the mess hall. We were rushed through the line, got our trays of food and sat down.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
The kitchen staff were in for some major shipments of hamburgers. Three huge tractor trailers pulled up, filling most of the parking lot, and the workers started unloading the giant packages of hamburger buns.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Maybe I'll be in there with you! Isn't it wonderful, honey? I'm going to jail! Ha ha ho ho." At this, we slowly backed out of the room and ran lickety split down the hall yelling our lungs out, "Help! Help! We need help!" Hearing our calls, suddenly out of the dean's office appeared a lovely young woman.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
I mean, these rodents were organized. They were always one step ahead of us, always anticipating a gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music. I listen to it nice and loud, and it rocks me to sleep, no pun intended!
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
We knew it was him from his bright blue outfit and his equally brightly-colored tail feathers were covered with dewdrops.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
With a bunch of boomboxes on max volume? That'll liven things up around here!" Alas, every book in the entire library was checked out.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Look around. Are there any more suggestions from the audience? said the old man in the back. "Take a nap every afternoon." After I take a nap, I always feel like killing somebody! That was when I knew I had to lie down quickly and start my bio-feedback session.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
What kind of meat? No one knew! It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil! "You'd better be careful or that might fall in in big vat of boiling hot french fry grease.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
It will harden their pork brains until they're nice and crunchy. Then you dip them in chocolate, and roll them in crushed walnuts. When they are all finished, you place them carefully on a doily and garnish them with breath-freshening parsley.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Oh No! Now what? His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise. He stood his ground and watched the arch enemy spin and shrivel, whirling ever faster, ever smaller, energy bursts zinging out into the air until all the life force and all the mass had moved to the back of his neck.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Would you choose blue chip stocks or penny stocks? Whatever you choose you must be willing to keep what you buy for at least a decade.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Unfortunately, they were disappointed to find no atmosphere! Now what?!! "I guess we will have to get out those old-fashioned space suits. What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
asked Lady Betty. Sir Greg replied, "I think thou shouldst know that I am now a knight! No more slogging away in the hot wheat fields for me!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
She dove at Barrister with claws extended. The fur did fly. even tried to intervene, but he was stomped on by Godzilla.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Surely there's got to be a better way to make an A on an exam. You have to stay up longer, study harder, and above all, pay attention to the teachah. Class is now in session, I'm gonna try 'n' reach ya.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Considering his cache of armor, he chose a shield, a big one, because his heart was gripped with fear that he would become dragon food: flame-broiled, crispy baby back ribs smothered in a tempting and tasty blanket of spicy hot peppers and smothered in cheese!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.