Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel. Whee! Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer! Will we run out of time to catch the sunset.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
It's now known as The Enforcer. Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!!
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Once, on the eve of an invasion, all the neighbors noticed more squirrels than usual sprinting over roofs and roads, gathering on the tree branches, clinging to the tree trunks, watching waiting, watching, waiting. How long is all this going to take? ! But just as I was ready to give up, around the corner came Santa Claus!
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. albeit feet-first. By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
That's why Master Windu got disarmed. Dang Sith. Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Everyone held their breath in terror. Suddenly, the entire stage collapsed, exploded, and burst into flames, killing everyone instantly! Appearing in the midst of the carnage was Metallica, inside the mouth of a giant robot dinosaur. They immediately began playing their trademark heavy metal rock music.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
LaLaLeiya was watching me wondering... taking a crap in my front yard? I work hard getting this grass just the way I like it, and now you're ruining it. I picked up my shotgun, set it in its place in the gunrack, and checked it off on my inventory list.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
The best thing to do was pass out spoons and tell everyone to get to their battle stations. This was it, the invasion had begun. Fresh-faced cadets leapt into gun emplacements and cockpits, scarcely believing they were actually going to see combat.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
That cousin from France was a little strange, she had peculiar habits like washing her dishes in the bidet, injecting Thai hot sauce into her croissants before eating them, and always driving LalaLeiya and her cousin around to see the sights, and we could never pass a Long John Silver's without their putting up a big fuss.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Yes, it is in my genes to like thunderstorms! My grandfather used to stand in the doorway and watch them as he listened to the roar of the crowd and the empassioned shouting of the MC as the local wrestling favorite, "Thunderstorms", vaulted into the ring.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Good king Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephen!" The entire room erupted in song! We raised our glasses and forgot all about the present wrapping, and joined in with singing and dancing.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
battery chargers... ummm... I know I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, also while we are here, I would like to have a picnic!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" Now what? Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns. Man! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store! I felt soooo proud!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I thought it was pretty good advice to weigh the option of working in an air-conditioned environment, considering how hot the dishwashing water had to be; what would that be doing to the rats in the sewers?
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
When they arrived, they quickly put the fire out that was creeping toward the stump grass. And it's a good thing they did, because if they hadn't done so, and quick, we all know what would have happened. So thankfully, it didn't, and because it didn't there will not be any baby tufts of stump grass growing in the vast emptiness of outer space.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical. It bridged the gap between this world and the others, and beyond it were visible incomprehensible wonders and horrors alike.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They replied, "We achieve it by a combination of blister cream and bandaids. And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums."
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue! The light was brilliant!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable. And isn't that part of the fabric of life? Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, " BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap!
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say,"
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs. Late into the night, the whole hall could the CLANG CLANG CLANG, the sound of rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat. Where was that coming from? !!Xander opened his closet door and found 4 little flowerpots!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
They were unfortunately unimpressed, and said haul that big garden cart over here! We are going to hose water into it and then fill it it with ice.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I sat down with my neighbor Jed to shoot the breeze and chew tobacky, and I told him that people around here would know what he's talking about.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth. The last time that happened, everything ended up pink.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
In just a few days, we went home. So, all's well that ends well, and we ate cake and pie. But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home. So, all's well that ends well, and we ate cake and pie. What a day we had!! But Winter is almost over!! In just a few days, we went home.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane. Remember it gets cold on the plane, so you would probably need to holster it." With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger. It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
"You can do it," I said, with enthusiasm, " Let's celebrate our resoluting by going out to eat!! I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
It's like free money!! and who would that be? !! That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I decided to find out, so I set up a roadside stand at the end of our driveway, and started waving down every third driver in the Indy 500.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard. he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
The next thing to do is to take some string and weave a hanging basket. Be sure to make it strong enough so you can trap large prey. It should definitely work for slow-moving targets such as a sloth, but you could run into problems if you taught math class in middle school...hahaha.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up. I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!? Seriously, lead?!?!?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it. Why then would you not want that? Obviously, life would be easier with a million bucks. So I started taking classes on business at the local community college. I also took my time thinking up a good password. too smart for me"
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
No wonder you feel weak and you don't want to see me when I'm angry. A better course of action would be to slap him in the face! Then yell, "Don't you dare ever do anything for you ever again! I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch. It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21. Three rows of seven each. That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! But he was nervous!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
If there's one thing I know, it's that you never want to lace-up shoes to the airport, because they are too hard to get on and off, especially if they are laced with arsenic!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
How exciting! Getting hired is one of the biggest energy boosts ever! They say the most important thing to consider when deciding to accept a new job is whether or not to include your brief stint as a soldier of fortune.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, Family Handyman, as well as buckets of confetti, streamers, and plenty of loud outfits that we got from the thrift store. They were cheap, but smelled like peppermint cocoa....yum !! I could drink a giant mug of that! And right on top I would squirt a big dollop of mayonnaise.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line! My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!"
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
We found a small box, sealed to be watertight! How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
He checked his INVENTORY. It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments. He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue. Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
The cave floor was piled high with years of bat guano. The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room. We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less! In a situation like that, nobody but nobody wants their oxygen tank to run out!
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!!
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner. But it was so loud, we couldn't hear the movie! "HEY!! SHUT THAT OFF!" I yelled. Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang "
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
As I broke into a jog, I peered down into the muddy puddle and spied something moving! It looked like a convoy of Army vehicles. Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter. Hey!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep. Counting sheep didn't work. Warm milk goes down like silk. But warm tea goes down like vanilla pudding: smooth and chewed just as if it came out of a brand new electric stirring mechanism.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
This crazy weather had been going on for thousands of years. No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Someone had gone and used White-Out over the price tags so everything that was $19.99 or $29.99 became $9.99.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal. I didn't have time now to baste the turkey. Drat! I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house. "You look like a street walker!" I exclaimed.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
When I heard that City of Heroes was in danger of shutting down, I got so mad that I slammed the door; the shock rattled the shelf and down to the floor fell a beaker full of precious golden rings. So bright. So beautiful.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace. After 30 seconds (which seems like an eternity, given that we could still hear it breathing), we finally found our car in the parking lot after looking for 2 hours !!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Now I'll never have to hunt for a tool again! Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Well, not literally* the last minute... Actually, I searched and searched for a good parking place and finally had to resort to getting a handful of gift cards at Wawa.*
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
It is also important where you place them: only put them back in the grave where they belong. But you have to hit them pretty hard to stop them, because they ate too many brains (!) which caused them to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
We put them just where they belonged: in your face, boy!! IN YOUR FACE!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate. Utterly freaked out, he slammed on the brakes just in time to avoid hitting the big brown and white brownie sundae with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one! While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I'd been saving up for a while, because the operation costs two stitches were all that was needed to close up the gaping hole in the ceiling so big, he could see the sky! He pointed at it and exclaimed "What is a laser anyway?
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break! Cool! and by then my hand was so sore from playing City of Heroes I had to take a break!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Then the next day I am ready to open fire with my thermonuclear missile pack. I activated the targeting mechanism, punched in the coordinates, and pushed the escape button over and over to no avail.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
So get out the special shears and with great vigor attack the dogs which had taken to pooping on the lawn. One bladder-full of liquid waste would wreak havoc with my expensive Mantis tiller, which is however so lightweight, that I can carry it with one hand, while I walk around the block six or seven times.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
They would love this pretty new space complete with not one but two cores per CPU, giving it inherent multiprocessing power. Not only would games run faster, but I could never banish the cats from the tech room even though they often wreak havoc with the local radio stations.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
So I decided to turn in my driver's license and buy a bicycle. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He gravely wrote, "I, being of sound mind and body, do hereby express my wishes in this last will and testament." He paused, and then continued: " I want every intern to pay attention here. Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I ain't had nuthin' to eat but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days! Why can't we have more toilet paper in here? Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards! Go away! I can't concentrate."
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
And with that, he made a U-turn and proceeded back down the road and bumped into a steel spike that protruded from a pile of obliterated concrete. Fortunately, I was wearing my Kevlar vest and it bounced off!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Could it be? Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels! I sure didn't want to end up there!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic!
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
That ought to kick it up a notch! BAM! He slapped a $500 dollar bill on the counter. "Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Meanwhile, the rest of the group went to the raspberry patch and had a raspberry war!! Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Into a million pieces of pillow filling! bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted. We landed on the dark side of the moon and off in the distance we could hear weird music, so we decided to go to light speed!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I exclaimed when my turn came to say Wow! Ah just kidding! The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Very carefully, Kent lifted the phone to his ear. he said cautiously. a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
I have 2 potty chairs, 2 bags of M&M's, and 2 bags of gummy bears to use as positive reinforcement! Next, I got the calendar and drew pictures of poop on every single day.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That reminded me of when we went camping and we pitched the tent on the side of a hill: When it rained we started sliding down the hill and we landed in a cow patty. Squish. We immediately had a flat tire! And I know it was because we ran over a speed bump that was so big, the front end of the car shot into the air!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
You have to be able to think on your feet! Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
It's a mirage! It's actually a water-saving toilet, and it cost much more than I could afford.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It feels SO GOOD to relax now and do my yoga exercises! I am so limber I bet I could put my foot under my bra. I didn't have a pocket so that's where I kept the money from the yardsale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board. And only I know the code to release them. Moo-ha ha! One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight."
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Like Confucious say, "Cat never full." That's why you have to have a wide base, or else a strong foundation, if you're going to make it that tall.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
It must have been 30 feet into the air. We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things."
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard! He seems to be trying to find candidates for his galactic space marine training academy.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
I think we are going to have a very bumpy landing! Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment. After all, who would know that the slacker pizza cook would just put a smattering of cheese on my pizza! He even missed a couple spots!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
You know they will want to taste some of the leavings had fallen on the floor and gone unnoticed.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
So I headed for the rodeo. I got my gloves, my chaps, and of course my hat. That hat and me go way back. Why, I remember when 8-tracks were giving way to audio cassettes! Now, music is one of those things you can't live without.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She was amazed, and relieved to know that her laxative would start working any minute now. She smiled and said "Don't use that cream for your coffee, because I think it is time to switch to decaf!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Ha ha! He could just imagine all those dolphins and whales jumping out of the water, so full joy, so full of lobsters it was ridiculous! Scraping them off was out of the question, so the best thing we could think to do was pry them off with a crowbar, clean them up and stew them.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
We got all-black clothes, work gloves, and a 10-foot-long boa constrictor which was slowly and methodically wrapping around every square foot of cellulite. "The ad said this would make my thighs look smaller!" She said. Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks?
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast! Bam! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash! But it was the dishes, falling on the kitchen floor because the kids were up on the counter trying to get their own breakfast!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It is a liberating feeling: not having to carry a wallet. Remember how heavy those wallets and purses used to get? Sometimes they seemed to weigh as much as bowling balls! Even though he was a very strong man, he wasn't strong enough to defeat Herr Kapitan in hand-to-hand combat.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
The kids were having a lot of fun batting them back and forth, but finally I had to call out to them, "Hey! We're here to relax! Those beach balls are just too big!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
"Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!" I laughed maniacally as I headed for Costco and their 750-count, 10 pound bag.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
I just want to be sure to put my makeup on right this time. To help me, I want to ask Mr.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
How cute! His big brown eyes were gazing toward the girl relaxing on the park bench, eyes closed, gently rocking her head in time with whatever music was playing on her headphones.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?" We did know for sure however that neanderthals did NOT eat Chicken McNuggets. And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!"
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I needed some 2x4s and wood paneling, so I headed for Lowe's. When I got there I saw pickup trucks coming and going all day long.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Eat quickly, and that saltine cracker will be gone before you know it. Now you may eat one Goldfish cracker.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
should certainly qualify me to start my new house! I had already drawn the plans which would include 2, maybe 3 banks of cannons to blow away looters, marauders, and other human filth that would start roaming the streets if Kerry was elected president.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
"For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear! Countering the attack with another new move, the hovering spinning high kick, he propelled his opponent across the room flew a whirling bat ninja right at me.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Can you do better than that?" but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow! Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that. All she wanted was to get him to the car and buckled in as fast as possible. He didn't understand the concept of shining a sink. What's the big deal?
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
"We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Nefarious had unleashed upon the unsuspecting city. Little did he know, right around the corner there was Emil Blonsky, better known as the Abomination!
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. The voice of the people will not be ignored! A bundle of sticks is not easily glued together to make a log cabin for a school project.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head! but we grabbed him and wanted to turn him inside out, if you know what I mean.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
WHo had it last?" We all started to eat our noontime sandwiches. They came from Joe's Beanery. Always tasted good and made us feel like a million bucks. "I need to get some of that!" Bob exclaimed. "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
"Gross is right, if you're going to put salsa on your breakfast burrito, the eggs should not be runny!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
For color consultation you must see an Avon representative, you need some Cellu-scupt to get rid of those unsightly lumps of fat bulging unattractively from various areas in her leotard.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before. I looked up, and towering above me was the Minotaur King himself. I shook in my boots, I sweated pools of gravy.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
All I could think about was finding some rare Barbie dolls to add to my collection. There had to be some here somewhere. And then I saw it: THE most tacky lamp I have ever seen!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
That's right. You won't be satisfied to stay at home. You'll want to take another trip as soon as you can. The fun is just beginning.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
And sometimes I had to bash some heads to make it happen. someone yelled, "have you seen those platinum handcuffs that were in the display case?!!
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
First I started washing the windows. That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
How soft and green was the bed of moss along the bank. But suddenly we heard a loud rushing! Coming straight toward us was a giant footprint in the mud.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
If you see one of these, pull it up! It's a weed. So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He realized he needed to oil his wheels. So he oiled his wheels adjusted his helmut and took off down the highway, 0 to 60 in 4 seconds! Wow, the thrill of it, the wind rushing by, the steady loud purr of the motorcycle.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Celina wasn't scared of alligators. She'd been in the river back home in Brazil many times with them. She knew they wouldn't harm her. Just one look at the M-60 machine gun she had slung easily over her shoulder and they knew she meant business. Molly was almost 7 feet tall and weighed 260 lbs.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
That is, if I'm ever even at the Eiffel Tower again! We knew we were going to see lots of interesting sights, but we sure weren't expecting that!
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
He grumbled, " I'm really getting tired and hungry. I want a Brown Mule. Let's go find an ice cream freezer in this place, and look in it to see if we can find some quarters so we can play a few final video games before we have to go." The clock said "TIME TO GO SHOPPING!" Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
What would you want on yours?" "A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!" I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something. Here, rinse it off with this sprayer.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
They don't want neat! They don't want orderly! They don't want work! Kids these days, they just want--errgkhh..." At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Martin! Do you have any CHEESE?!! We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread. Yeah, and we need some meats! And to go with that some milk!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
It will cool you off and you will feel much better. Then after that you can find a good place to take a shower! Scrub off the slime and grime of a sweaty, dusty day. There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I do! But my foot is stuck and I can't move; It is stuck in a endless loop.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Stay still and don't move a muscle. The sniper has a laser scope focused right on your forehead." I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
If we could all just CALM DOWN! Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall! (giggle!)" About an hour later we were all too drunk to stand up, but we sure weren't stressed anymore.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
I'm gonna pee on your counter, I'm gonna do it all. Let you know how it feels. And so it was time to clean that greasy, baconbit-encrusted grill. First off, turn it on low, then squirt it with liquified meat product.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
"Hey," Betty called from inside, "Are those hot dogs ready yet?" I said, "Hot dogs? I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
correction centers where every day he would get to watch TV, exercise, and eat three prison meals a day. Sometimes he would laugh, thinking how now the Betty Mafia could never get him. Ever. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion. exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
he exclaimed. "I have a demon in my castle tower. I think I will unleash him upon my evil enemy, the Earl of Sandwich!" He strode in purposely, a roast beef hoagie in one hand, and a salami grinder in the other. "So," Count Muenster declared, "We have thee to thank for these delightful victuals."
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness. When the quiet had reached miasmic propotions, Miss Na Tasha again resumed her shrill tirade against her adversary in court, Barrister.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Yeeha! We graduated! Finally, they spilled out into the aisles of the auditorium and all threw their hats into the air.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Greg exclaimed as the speedometer passed 120. His Dodge Viper showed no signs of complaint, as it began to thunder and rain heavily; so much so that the roof began to lift off from the extreme high pressure inside the house.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
In fact, he still had enough time to play another game of Warlords Battlecry. Being only 10 battles away from finishing another campaign, he was anxious to see which orb he would get next.