Story ID | Title | Creator | Status | Num Entries | Date Finished
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174 | Springtime in Virginia | betty | Done | 22 | 12/27/2022 |
I think I would like some more lilacs, because they smell so good. I can plant them one by one all lining the sidewalk. When they bloom they will look as if they are marching, and when the neighbors see them, they will exclaim, "
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173 | Daylight Saving Time ! | betty | Done | 23 | 4/21/2021 |
But what is the difference between a burrito and a chimichanga? Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer. Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!!
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172 | A Winter Day in the Wilderness | bonnie | Done | 22 | 2/15/2021 |
Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head. Tensed, he listened and his eyes sparked.
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171 | Oh, the weather outside is frightful... | betty | Done | 22 | 12/31/2020 |
I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. albeit feet-first. By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts.
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170 | The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/13/2020 |
Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
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169 | A Breath of Fresh Air | bonnie | Done | 22 | 11/15/2019 |
he mentally mumbled to himself. motion across his neck. Unfortunately, he didn't understand that you're supposed to take a deep breath first. So when he tried to gather up the magnolia leaves, the tree started rustling,he looked up and an avalanche of leaves came tumbling down!
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168 | Toiling at 3 a.m. | betty | Done | 22 | 10/13/2019 |
category for an hour and I wasn't even halfway through! There must be a faster way! But I just kept scrubbing with the bar of grit and learned online, I should be using my reading glasses.
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167 | The Reckoning of the Kiwis | xander | Done | 22 | 7/28/2019 |
Their superhuman strength and reflexes could do them no good from within the containment field, which was also resilient enough to contain a fusion bomb's detonation.
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166 | Somebody's Gotta Do It ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/8/2019 |
What messy cats. First I get a shower then wipe down the cats, and as for VoilaLeiya... I am sending her back to the manufacturer! Sending *IT* back. This was the most disappointing robotic vacuum I had ever used. 1 star! It got caught on everything!
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165 | I love Thunderstorms ! | betty | Done | 21 | 6/10/2019 |
He wasn't known for much besides being a great wrestler. But he was also my friend. A bit of a lunkhead friend, though, considering when I asked him to give us an autograph, he grabbed the nearest thing to do it on.
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164 | Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/9/2019 |
For the most part he was everything I'd expected and hoped: rosy cheeks, big exuberant belly laughs, and a warm and compassionate spirit, but what most people don't know is that he is an undercover agent with MI-6! until he gave it away when he saw he was overcharged at Starbucks, and muttered, "Bollocks!"
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163 | Let's Set Fire to the Woods | xander | Done | 21 | 12/7/2018 |
she said. "That's not a walnut! It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river.
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162 | Some Kind of Adventure | xander | Done | 23 | 9/10/2018 |
The only solution we could think of was to cut the rope to the anchor so we could drift away from the whirlpool...hopefully. We rowed with all our might and soon we reached the boundary between the dimensions. It looked like a wall of glimmering water.
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161 | That Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/9/2018 |
Sometimes, only brute force can solve a problem. Locked and loaded, I peeked out the cat door to see what all the commotion was about.... Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there! It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns.
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160 | I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? | betty | Done | 24 | 8/3/2018 |
Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to!
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159 | A large, healthy tuft of stump grass | bonnie | Done | 22 | 7/18/2018 |
so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass. Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid! so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass. I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!"
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158 | Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2018 |
Of course not! But we must be reasonable. Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man? The Shadow knows. He also knows where all the best cookie crumbs are!
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157 | Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus | betty | Done | 22 | 7/6/2017 |
How do you achieve this appealing balance?" They replied, "We achieve it by a combination of blister cream and bandaids. And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums."
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156 | San Antonio Vacation | greg | Done | 22 | 5/27/2017 |
They had lined their entire property with mirrors! "How strange," I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue! The light was brilliant! So bright I had to shield my eyes with my hands and with a soft folded napkin lovingly wrapped around, I placed the tombstone behind the fresh grave, as requested.
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155 | Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2017 |
Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable. And isn't that part of the fabric of life? Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable.
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154 | Different Pizza Toppings | greg | Done | 21 | 1/11/2017 |
Something that tastes this good should be offered in the Trump Tower restaurant!!
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153 | But I don't want to! | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2016 |
BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, " BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!" No one could argue with that. They all leaned way back in their easy chairs and took a nap! but then I realized he was listening to praise music on his earbuds and singing along.
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152 | We Need More Enthusiasm ! | betty | Done | 22 | 10/16/2016 |
There were so many that we didn't know where to look! I told everybody, "Just remember how we rehearsed it: Keep smiling and always brush your teeth before you do. Buy a dentist-approved toothbrush and a big tube of t-shirts to shoot into the crowd!" everyone responded, with enthusiasm.
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151 | Xander's New Dorm Room | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/9/2016 |
But the coolest thing he has in his room is a large, heavy anvil. His roommate used it for all his in-dorm smithing needs.
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150 | Trying to Keep Cool ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/20/2016 |
I blurbled. He looked at me like I was an idiot. he said as we sped toward the marina. When we got there, a huge fog bank rolled in, and it looked really scary, so we waited until the sun went down.
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149 | The Stump Vine | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/26/2016 |
I asked the head of NASA for advice, and thoughtfully, he advised me to spead the word about this legendary plant. Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use?? No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza!
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148 | Laundry | colleen | Done | 20 | 4/2/2016 |
If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them! What were you thinking?!! You know those men in your house don't want to wear pink underwear when I had to go to the locker room at the gym! I was so irritated because the water would not go out of the washer!
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147 | It's snowing!!! | colleen | Done | 29 | 2/22/2016 |
Is that cool or not? Glo-Quips sent a photographer and when he came by, he shoveled the sidewalk in front of their french doors, even though everybody knows they never salt the roads anymore because the salt rusts out the undercarriage of the metal railing.
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145 | Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! | betty | Done | 21 | 2/5/2016 |
We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief. It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco ! Before we left Bonnie go garnished with parsley and those mini hot peppers.
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144 | Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! | colleen | Done | 20 | 1/10/2016 |
Maybe it was because their kitchens were so well-organized. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew. Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers.
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143 | Resolutions for the New Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 1/9/2016 |
I said, with enthusiasm, " Let's celebrate our resoluting by going out to eat!! I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running.
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142 | Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2015 |
Sweating, I said "Give me that package!" But the UPS driver kept holding it out his window, pulling forward 20 feet at a time, laughing.
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141 | Dual Composters | greg | Done | 21 | 12/13/2015 |
And that is what we advertise at our little roadside stand. We positioned it right at the end of a row of green beans.
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140 | Deli Bologna | greg | Done | 22 | 11/28/2015 |
Working at NASA means I can afford to get deli bologna instead of the pre-packaged variety. The other stuff is OK, but it fit right in the charming neighborhood. The street was not too busy, except around lunchtime when my stomach was really growling and my co-workers I am sure could hear the embarrassing sounds of grinding gears.
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139 | Getting Ready for Fall ! | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2015 |
But the skydive instructor wouldn't relent. he yelled over the noise of the plane's engines. "Now get ready for the fall!" He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice. Talk about getting ready to fall! Getting ready for falling? Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin.
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138 | Slatherage | greg | Done | 21 | 9/16/2015 |
Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes. More like Taitboys. Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
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137 | Growing Those Tomatoes ! | betty | Done | 21 | 8/1/2015 |
As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !!
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136 | Midnight snack | colleen | Done | 21 | 6/11/2015 |
Freshly cooked potatoes, chopped onions, pickle relish, and I stirred it all up with 3 big dollops of sour cream. Add to that some bacon bits, green onions, and some shredded cheese, now you've got the perfect Greg Pizza. Toss it in the oven and voila, we are ready for a big bite of a Dagwood sandwich!
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135 | That New Smart Phone | betty | Done | 22 | 6/10/2015 |
too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure. The only thing that could settle my nerves now would be if I could take some time to remove all the apps I don't like.
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134 | NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS | greg | Done | 24 | 6/3/2015 |
Then suddenly he came toward us and said, "I want my two dollars!" Panicking, I slept. Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again.
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133 | Why me!?!! | colleen | Done | 23 | 6/3/2015 |
First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. Dang it. Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money.
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132 | Backyard Projects | betty | Done | 22 | 5/28/2015 |
It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt! I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me! Afterwards, I took some oil and rubbed it on my arms to keep away the mosquitoes.
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131 | Cupcakes! | colleen | Done | 22 | 5/26/2015 |
Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics! But he was nervous! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!!
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129 | Climbing Enchanted Rock | betty | Done | 21 | 5/2/2015 |
So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb. Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water. My dearest hope is that everyone will be responsible and keep their hands at the 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock positions on the steering wheel as they are driving their golf balls across the pitted rock dome, the sun started to set, and severe angst caused them to sit and have some pie and cookies.
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128 | I Need to Take a Trip ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/16/2015 |
I just had to spit it out onto the lawn. There, in the sun, I could see a big hydrogen firestorm. Scary! Good thing I was not looking directly at it, and a good thing I was wearing my asbestos underwear!
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127 | Bonnie's New Tutoring Job | bonnie | Done | 27 | 4/16/2015 |
She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right. She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose. So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting.
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126 | Getting Ready for New Year's Eve | betty | Done | 22 | 2/18/2015 |
I cackled as I popped the champagne bottle to test it. The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl! "Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes!
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125 | New Year's Resolutions | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line! My job sucks!
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124 | Get Those Presents Wrapped ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/24/2014 |
Just to be sure, shake it to be sure it's tight enough. You can be confident it is if you leave the presents on your friend's front porch who lives in the ghetto that they will be picked up by a bunch of charity workers.
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123 | We Need a Plumber ! | betty | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
We found a small box, sealed to be watertight! How did that get there? It has to be Vodka! Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol.
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122 | Christmas Decorations | bonnie | Done | 22 | 12/12/2014 |
First I will check them by plugging them into the nearest electrical outlet. It's a trick to get the lights lined up just right, but when you do, the results are two thumbs with far too many blisters, and a back with far too acute an angle. I suppose I had to work this week.
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121 | I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2014 |
I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could! Bursting through the opening, they couldn't believe their eyes: the new wireless mouse was growing fur and teeth !!!!
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120 | The Great Beyond | xander | Done | 21 | 9/21/2014 |
Each person has to pick which future century they want and they can also pick out what kind of simulation they wanted to be in during the operation.
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119 | Summer | bonnie | Done | 20 | 9/21/2014 |
We have only so many square inches of skin! Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
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118 | Best Video Game of the Year ! | betty | Done | 22 | 8/15/2014 |
Now on both wrists I have to wear elastic harnesses attached to the ropes which connect to 220 outlets.
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117 | The best movie EVER!!! | colleen | Done | 21 | 7/18/2014 |
If he did, and he doesn't realize he doesn't have his polarizing glasses on, he's in for a headache. A bad one. So bad, that I wanted to dump my popcorn on the floor, but instead I decided to run as fast as I could!!
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116 | What I Saw When I Took A Walk II | greg | Done | 23 | 5/28/2014 |
Humvees, trucks, tanks on trailers, and even a snail could have gone around the block faster than that turtle which was stampeding through peanut butter. Hey! That's my peanut butter!! Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
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115 | You know... | bonnie | Done | 23 | 11/10/2013 |
It's napalm. In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
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114 | Whatever is on your mind ! | betty | Done | 24 | 10/27/2013 |
My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
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113 | Nursery Rhyme | greg | Done | 22 | 10/24/2013 |
They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests!
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112 | Global Warming ! | betty | Done | 26 | 8/19/2013 |
she whined as she tugged her jacket tigher around herself. This crazy weather had been going on for thousands of years. No one could have anticipated the catastrophe that was just around the corner.
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110 | Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! | betty | Done | 22 | 4/19/2013 |
During the bedlam, I ran out through the back, evading my pursuers and finding myself in a pickle. The car had broke down and I didn't have enough money for bus fare. I maybe had enough to get by without doing laundry. With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me!
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109 | Thanksgiving | bonnie | Done | 19 | 12/19/2012 |
But it so happens that actually works out better, because Waffle House is open 24 hours! Even on Thanksgiving! Now doesn't a bacon Philly cheesesteak sound good right now instead of an ol' plastic one. This is the time to break out the nice tableware! Your good china, your sparkling wine.
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108 | I Blew Up My Lab! | greg | Done | 21 | 10/26/2012 |
It was a bunch of sticks of dynamite! Now how did those get in here? Well, they were in the way so I moved them next to my collection of Bunsen burners, candles, and fireworks. Next I got out the shop vac to try to scoop up that big puddle of spit on the desk where I apparently had passed out from exhaustion.
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107 | Christmas Shopping III | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2012 |
It was as easy as pie to pick out a bunch of gifts to be sent to his room for being such a bad boy. He had a bad habit of eating too much pizza before I go to bed... Then you know what happens! I have to poop! But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike!
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106 | Let's Organize Your Garage ! | betty | Done | 22 | 7/25/2011 |
Now I'll never have to hunt for a tool again! Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages.
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105 | Christmas Shopping II | greg | Done | 21 | 2/24/2011 |
I yelled out the window as the car shot out of the stocking which was hanging on the mantle. I heard a rustling in the chimney, an looked up and saw a huge SALE sign!!! It covered the entire front of the store!! I'd never seen anything like it.
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103 | Zombie Attack! | greg | Done | 22 | 6/10/2010 |
They're inexpensive, have great fuel economy, and just as importantly you must have lots of sunflowers.
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102 | The Art of Decluttering | betty | Done | 21 | 8/4/2009 |
For sure she wanted to get rid of the banana peels and apple cores strewn across the kitchen floor and all over Ethan's dresser. So then we started to use the snow shovel to pick up all the piles of fly poop FlyLady was leaving everywhere. We put them just where they belonged: in your face, boy!!
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101 | The hathood of the traveling brown hat. | rhonda | Done | 21 | 3/20/2009 |
Right there in the parking lot! Now we could afford to add several egret feathers and even a boa to the brim of the traveling brown hat. But to attach them, we needed to use our most skulky ninja tactics in order to get the brown hat to its next destination.
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100 | The Nephews come to Visit | greg | Done | 22 | 12/9/2008 |
When we were finished we must have totaled at least 1000 kills in the 3 hours we spend running through the sewers. We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked.
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99 | Laser Eye Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 10/3/2008 |
I need to know because who wants to be blind for the rest of his life?!!" I decided to get a second opinion. The new doctor examined me, and with a big smile on his face, said to me, "
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98 | Abiathar the Superhero! | greg | Done | 21 | 4/27/2007 |
He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
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97 | My New Video Game! | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2007 |
I was so mad! I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration. Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"!
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96 | Fixing up my Garden | greg | Done | 22 | 1/29/2007 |
I looked like I was wearing HAZMAT gear, but that stuff is dangerous. It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds! The packet I needed was still in the garage in the bucket next to the burning pile, where I throw all the weeds and pine needles and other detritus that needs to get burned up.
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95 | Rearranging My New Tech Room | betty | Done | 22 | 1/31/2007 |
Not only would games run faster, but I could never banish the cats from the tech room even though they often wreak havoc with the local radio stations.
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94 | Speeding Down the Highway | betty | Done | 21 | 12/4/2006 |
Then she pushed me down onto a bench, and she said in a very loud voice, " Do! A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is.
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93 | Having Surgery | greg | Done | 20 | 12/1/2006 |
He hadn't made a payment in almost three months, and he was sure he would need at least a hundred stitches! He hoped the surgeon was handy with the needle, so when he was finished everything would look like something out of horror movie.
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92 | Accountant at Work | greg | Done | 21 | 4/1/2006 |
They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion.
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91 | What I Saw When I Took a Walk | betty | Done | 21 | 3/31/2006 |
It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me! The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
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90 | Learning a Foreign Language | greg | Done | 22 | 2/4/2006 |
So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen. Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective.
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89 | Putting out Christmas Lights | betty | Done | 21 | 2/3/2006 |
What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination". They were givin away a big pink inflatable heart for Valentine's Day, which was just around the corner, and there it was: a brand new Hobby Shop stocked with every kind of Christmas light you could imagine!
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88 | Lazor Beam Hydra | greg | Done | 22 | 12/16/2005 |
Without further ado or hesitation, he pulled out his Equalizor, opening very carefully the hatch, and peering in; there seemed to be a strange odor drifting out.
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87 | Concert at Chrysler Hall | betty | Done | 21 | 12/14/2005 |
Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits. I was thinking Goldman and Sachs. I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately!
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86 | Touring Europe | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/13/2005 |
But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat.
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85 | Christmas Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 12/1/2005 |
The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor.
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84 | Working at McDonald's | greg | Done | 21 | 12/1/2005 |
See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
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83 | Trip to the Pumpkin Patch | sherry | Done | 22 | 11/7/2005 |
I could hardly wait to get back home so I could start making trouble for everyone. I'm good at that!! Cackling evilly, I carved scary faces into all the pumpkins in the patch!
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82 | test2 | greg | Done | 24 | 9/16/2015 |
Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean? "Well, not exactly..." I said. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about. There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean? I think you should take a break now in order to crush those who oppose us."
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81 | Going Into Space II | greg | Done | 21 | 10/28/2005 |
But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
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80 | Taking Computer Class | betty | Done | 20 | 10/27/2005 |
You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
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79 | Cooking Show II | greg | Done | 21 | 9/27/2005 |
We all know that sanitation is very low priority around here, which is why your show is on suspension!" exclaimed Kent. "You can't be serious!
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78 | Potty Training the Twins | betty | Done | 21 | 9/24/2005 |
This is a job I am not looking forward to, but it has to be done. I have 2 potty chairs, 2 bags of M&M's, and 2 bags of gummy bears to use as positive reinforcement!
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77 | Noisy Neighbors | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/23/2005 |
I just wondered if you knew there's a bowling alley right up the road. It's really not necessary for you to practice at home. I think they're even open at this time: your mouth! It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool.
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76 | Driving Across Country | betty | Done | 22 | 9/16/2005 |
Squish. We immediately had a flat tire! And I know it was because we ran over a speed bump that was so big, the front end of the car shot into the air!
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75 | NASCAR Days | greg | Done | 21 | 9/9/2005 |
I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof. Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs. There is no A/C in a race car, and it gets pretty darn hot in the cabin.
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74 | Conserving Water | bonnie | Done | 22 | 9/9/2005 |
Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have.
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73 | The Best Diet Ever! | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/31/2005 |
I could eat them all day, breakfast lunch and dinner. That's why I always go to the salad bar. Then I can pick out veggies that have the lowest number of meals per day. It's good to keep track of the total number of inches lost around the waist. Here, take this tape measure and see what your KNEES look like!
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72 | What a Yard Sale! | betty | Done | 20 | 8/23/2005 |
You know the old joke. It rattles. There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25.
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71 | Test Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 8/17/2005 |
That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board. And only I know the code to release them. Moo-ha ha! One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good!
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70 | A Day in the Life of a Dork | sherry | Done | 21 | 8/14/2005 |
And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member?
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69 | Time for a Checkup! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/3/2005 |
I'm not very big so I must not have that much blood to filter, right?" The doctor sighed and took out the tongue depressor and inserted it into the patient's file.
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68 | Building My New Cat Condo | betty | Done | 21 | 7/10/2005 |
Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo.
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67 | Putting Up Wallpaper | greg | Done | 21 | 6/12/2005 |
my mouth tasted like wallpaper paste. I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this. I was going to need a lot more spit to get this job done. As I prepared the next strip, I suddenly has the urge to pee. But the toilet had been removed!
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66 | My Newest Home Improvement Project! | betty | Done | 20 | 5/17/2005 |
We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up. "I understand you need a staple gun to finish that project. and it will also help you store things." After all that hard work, the value of the property went up so much I got an offer I couldn't refuse, and I moved into a condo.
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65 | Phone Call | bonnie | Done | 21 | 5/9/2005 |
The space marine sergeant harrumphed. "Positive ree-en-forcement?! This ain't no namby-pamby country club! This is taking too long. What's your point?" "Okay, okay. I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using.
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64 | Airline Pilot | greg | Done | 21 | 4/23/2005 |
Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways!
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63 | I'm Not In It For The... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/6/2005 |
Another time I totally uppercut some guy because he opened a window." Now that's what I call a breakfast drink!
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62 | Hosting a Cooking Show | betty | Done | 21 | 4/12/2005 |
Eventually, this began to attract flies. "Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings. This was the lowest ranked show ever!
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61 | Ain't It Cool? | greg | Done | 22 | 4/7/2005 |
That hat and me go way back. Why, I remember when 8-tracks were giving way to audio cassettes! Now, music is one of those things you can't live without. It's like the heartbeat of the spirit, man.
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60 | Competing with Starbuck's | bonnie | Done | 21 | 4/2/2005 |
What gives? Obviously some of the rest of us are entitled to a piece of the action. So here's the plan: Rent a storefront, buy some coffee beans, and to grind them, buy a big muffin.
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59 | My First Ocean Cruise | betty | Done | 21 | 3/28/2005 |
Ha!" Ha! Ha!" Ha! Ha! Ha!" He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum! Ha! Ha! Ha!" I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
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58 | Captain Underpants | greg | Done | 21 | 3/23/2005 |
"I can't believe you just wet your pants! Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated! So why don't you just give it up and go back to using Depends Undergarments?" They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust.
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57 | New Year's Resolutions! | bonnie | Done | 21 | 3/18/2005 |
So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind. A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU!
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56 | Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon | betty | Done | 21 | 3/13/2005 |
She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!" Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy.
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55 | Spy Base Alpha | greg | Done | 21 | 3/8/2005 |
We were too quickly running out of everything: bottled water, powdered milk, and freeze-dried corpses of agents of years past. because we couldn't run the risk of any publicity. The slightest amount could alter the electrolyte balance of everyone on the base!
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54 | Texas Winter | bonnie | Done | 20 | 3/3/2005 |
Surprised, I realized it must be in Texas, not Kansas after all. How did I get here? It's so hot and the heat makes me feel like dancing!
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53 | Christmas Shopping - 2004 | betty | Done | 20 | 2/26/2005 |
I'll be dragging my behind after I finish all this shopping. and buy a notepad for myself, so I can write down a list of people to whom we must send boxes of processed cheese and hard sausages.
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52 | Modeling Agency | greg | Done | 21 | 2/21/2005 |
Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse. Now fix your wardrobe immediately!" Crying, she moaned, "Why me? Why do I have to wear that hideous dress?
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51 | All I Need Is... | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/16/2005 |
I'll take 'em all and then I won't have to listen to--" But he wasn't listening; he was already counseling the next student over.
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50 | My Summer at the Archeological Dig | betty | Done | 21 | 2/11/2005 |
My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
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49 | Shopping at Lowe's | greg | Done | 20 | 2/6/2005 |
Get out of the way! We scrambled in a hurry and landed on big pile of garden hoses! Struggling to stand up, and feeling very awkward, I went in the women's bathroom because the men's was out of order and I really, really needed to go to the bathroom again! Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect?
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48 | Anorexia Therapy | bonnie | Done | 21 | 2/1/2005 |
Now that you've realized you have a problem, we need to work on getting some meat on those bones! First, check out this picture of a double whopper with bacon and cheese! Next, you must only go grocery shopping when you are really hungry.
That will enable you to put some food in your mouth, chew it up, and swallow it.
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47 | Building My New House! | betty | Done | 23 | 1/27/2005 |
The helper carpenters sat down, famished, and dove right in to the ice cream with nuts and chocalate syrup. After that I had forgotten my problems and was ready to mix the cement. We needed a large wheel barrow and plenty of buckets of cement. "Hey, take those back down! You don't build a roof with wheels of gouda cheese!
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46 | Ultimate Ninja II | greg | Done | 21 | 1/22/2005 |
As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear!
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45 | Election Day! | betty | Done | 21 | 1/17/2005 |
Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind." I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry.
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44 | A Day in the Life of... | bonnie | Done | 20 | 1/12/2005 |
But he would not be the next one. When the coast was clear, he opened the new bag of IAMS and sniffed deeply all the way to the bottom of his nest. This was where all the larvae were stored, and must be protected at all costs.
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43 | High School Carwash | greg | Done | 20 | 1/7/2005 |
Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal. The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil. over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow!
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42 | Pushed Over the Edge | bonnie | Done | 21 | 1/2/2005 |
Mom! Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold. There wasn't much time to waste. They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry?
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41 | Cleaning Out the Garage | betty | Done | 21 | 12/28/2004 |
It needs to go to the auto dealership, because if I'm going to be able to park my car in this clean and roomy garage, I'm going to want it to be a new one!"
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40 | HULK SMASH! | greg | Done | 20 | 12/23/2004 |
Luckily no one was eating at the time. The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed.
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39 | Joining the PTA | bonnie | Done | 20 | 12/18/2004 |
The voice of the people will not be ignored! A bundle of sticks is not easily glued together to make a log cabin for a school project. In fact, to collect all the sticks needed, the teachers and parents had to come to some sort of agreement.
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38 | Going to the County Fair | betty | Done | 20 | 12/13/2004 |
I surely would like a taste of that there apple pie! I know it will be a blue ribbon winner. Look at that flaky crust!
Look at those plump chunks of meat on that carcass. This is the best BBQ I've been to!" He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl. I looked down and could feel my breakfast coming up.
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37 | News at 11 | greg | Done | 20 | 12/8/2004 |
Hurricane Bonnie had wiped out all of the office staff. Without meeting the deadlines on the paperwork, dozens of suspects would go free! Frantically, the police captain called a temp agency. They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom.
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36 | Investigating Vegetarianism | bonnie | Done | 21 | 12/3/2004 |
One guy stood up and gave a seething testimony against eating any kind of meat:
"I tell you, it will kill you, it will clog your arteries, it will give you terrible cholesterol build-up!
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35 | Boppy's Trip to Texas | betty | Done | 21 | 11/28/2004 |
That was Boppy's favorite Texas memory! That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em. he said. Boppy laughed and laughed.
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34 | Dance Class | bonnie | Done | 21 | 11/23/2004 |
(SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
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33 | The Minotaur King | greg | Done | 21 | 11/18/2004 |
I just knew if I could get a running start I could make that jump. Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before.
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32 | The Bizarre Bazaar | bonnie | Done | 20 | 11/13/2004 |
Scalie loved gifts like this! She usually ate them. At a nearby table, I saw a bright red hula hoop left over from the 50's. What a find! I grabbed it quickly because I wanted to add it to my collection. I tried it out too.
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31 | My Trip Around the World | betty | Done | 21 | 11/8/2004 |
I'm exhausted!" Trying to keep up with Lance Armstrong is just impossible! I am going to wheel in here to this little cafe and order a tall glass of foamy beer, running out of the keg, down the bar, and onto the floor, puddling around the table legs in yeasty-smelling bubbles.
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30 | Downtown Precinct | greg | Done | 22 | 11/3/2004 |
Here use this bar of soap and dry your hands with this yellow nametag, I would be blend in with the other visitors. I knew I had to be careful not to talk too much, or I would blow my cover. I really needed a better disguise.
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29 | Growing Up on a Farm | betty | Done | 21 | 10/29/2004 |
And I want some homemade butter and strawberry jelly to put on my overalls." The dirt from my past several weeks of work had crusted upon itself to the point that it could begin to flake off in great chunks, and I could see the blue cloth beneath.
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28 | The Dinosaur World | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/24/2004 |
It was getting scarier by the minute, so we decided to resign ourselves to our fate. Surrounded, it was only a matter of time before we got turned into dino-hors d'ouevres.
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27 | Gardening with Betty | greg | Done | 20 | 10/19/2004 |
That's the price you pay for neglecting it or using cheap stuff for fertilizer! fertilizer. You can use it for digging up earthworms. You know those slick wiggly creatures that are so good for the soil. Why in only one hour they can process 50 pounds of superb cedar mulch.
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26 | On the Open Road | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/14/2004 |
Everyone loved it. "Do it again! Do it again!" They chanted, pounding their feet in rhythm. "Oh, Kayyy..." I said, and I turned around to go again. There is nothing that is more fun than going down hill in a red wagon. Zoom! Down you go! Everybody out of the way! And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg...
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25 | The International Village | bonnie | Done | 21 | 10/9/2004 |
Muscles rippled under the skin with even the slightest movement. she said with a resounding contralto. "We have a very serious problem the trucking company just delivered 500 pounds of pork chops to the Jewish banquet hall. There is pandemonium over there, and right now we are in dire need of a plan, a strategy, to bring down the tyrannical International Village, despite our being heavily outmanned and outgunned."
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24 | Weekend in Paris | greg | Done | 21 | 10/4/2004 |
It seems to be all around us!" She was right; the very air seems to be immersed in vaporized perfume. How can they taste all the gourmet food when there's body odor attempting to hide under copious perfume everywhere you turn?
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23 | Xander Goes Shopping | betty | Done | 22 | 9/29/2004 |
There was a sale on homemade play dough. It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
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22 | Fart Dictionary | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/24/2004 |
Maybe it's to interrupt conversations with long drawn-own guttural (Yeah from the gut to be sure!) sounds that brought with them whisps of sickening smells that were sure to make even a strong man wilt like a flower that's been in the sun too long. Everyone would be like, "
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21 | Boot Camp | greg | Done | 21 | 9/19/2004 |
"A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!" I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods. In the middle of the night, I can get it out and use it to help me steal hot dogs from the mess hall.
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20 | Good Old Pop's Drive-in | betty | Done | 21 | 9/14/2004 |
"You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen!
Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something. Here, rinse it off with this sprayer.
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19 | Going Back to College | betty | Done | 21 | 9/9/2004 |
The muggy air of late summer was so exhausting that everyone felt just hot, damp, and tired. There was only one quick solution: and that was to immediately drink lots of ammonia and chase it with bleach.
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18 | If You Give a Mouse a Cookie | bonnie | Done | 21 | 9/4/2004 |
After 3 hours of this, there was a hole the size of a small cat. Oops, too big! Now what? Well, just fill it up again. To accomplish this, one will have to accumulate enough borax to kill all the mice.
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17 | Our Summer Vacation | betty | Done | 21 | 8/30/2004 |
It will cool you off and you will feel much better. Then after that you can find a good place to take a shower! Scrub off the slime and grime of a sweaty, dusty day. There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
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16 | Trapped in a Mine | greg | Done | 21 | 8/25/2004 |
It frightened everyone down there, but I reassured them saying, " Not to worry old chaps. I have a map in my attache case. I come prepared for anything! Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!" We had to use a submarine to get to it.
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14 | Our Visit to the Library | bonnie | Done | 21 | 8/15/2004 |
"It's just a joke!" But it didn't matter. Everyone brought their posters for the big Super Readout Day.
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13 | Stress Reduction Techniques | bonnie | Done | 23 | 8/10/2004 |
"Take a nap every afternoon." After I take a nap, I always feel like killing somebody!
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12 | My New Job at Burger King | betty | Done | 20 | 8/5/2004 |
I"m the new cook at Burger King! I get to get up way early and open. I get to spread big slabs of lard on the grill, before I start frying the sausage. All the customers just love the big hot greasy patties served with generous chunks of meat.
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11 | Cooking with Grandma | betty | Done | 22 | 7/31/2004 |
More people should be aware of the benefits of tending a garden and growing your own begetables. Grandma loved the taste of her fresh eggs and milk too. And no one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked
golden brown teenage girls.
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10 | Ultimate Ninja | greg | Done | 22 | 7/26/2004 |
He found himself in the middle of a big pile of threadbare blue mats. he exclaimed. "How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!"
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8 | Wall Street Blues | greg | Done | 22 | 7/16/2004 |
Batman. Batman! Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet. Those were the only kind of wallets Greg carried around nowadays--genuine leather and filled to overflowing with Jacksons, Grants, and Franklins.
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7 | Going into Space | betty | Done | 21 | 7/11/2004 |
asked Sam, quizzically. the officer replied, "It's the illegal immigrants, the aliens, we give them to. They bathe in artificial dihydrogen monoxide which was produced in a laboratory manned by hyper-intelligent mice. "You see," Sam explained, "they're almost as good as human researchers, but they get paid in cheese!
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5 | Ye Olde Medieval Days | betty | Done | 21 | 7/1/2004 |
Interestingly enough Sir Greg headed for the gallows with great trepidation. As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons!
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4 | Barrister the Lawyer Cat | betty | Done | 21 | 6/26/2004 |
Barrister the Lawyer Cat sat behind his big mahogany desk and pondered about the court cases for the day. The first case was Wal-mart vs.
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3 | The Big Conundrum | betty | Done | 21 | 6/21/2004 |
We graduated! Yeeha! We graduated! Finally, they spilled out into the aisles of the auditorium and all threw their hats into the air. Yeeha! We graduated! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
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2 | Woo baby! | greg | Done | 21 | 6/16/2004 |
She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket. So when she walked into the coffee shop, she immediately put down her heavy backpack. Rubbing her sore shoulder, she asked the nearest patron "What does a girl have to do to get some service around here?!"
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1 | Big Computer | greg | Done | 18 | 6/11/2004 |
They could buy whatever they wanted! They would never be poor again! And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.
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