Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew! which reminds me I haven't eaten a meal yet today. Hmmm... I think I would like some more lilacs, because they smell so good.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer. Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!! Get those steaks ready!! He was always generous with sprinkling the garlic salt, but he was very careful with the bottle of 1931 Sauvignon Blanc from France.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
"Get out of the way of that rapidly moving ice stor' Have you no sense??" We then proceeded to wend our way through Wendy's, admiring everyone's entree as we approached the front counter.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
We were concerned, to say the least, but we couldn't deny that the in-flight safety briefing was really funny, even funnier than some of the Southwest Airlines ones we saw on Youtube. You know--the ones where you have to sand off the excess dirt and grime, and then the next step is the most important one: onto the airplane!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
There can be only one Pope! And he doesn't know a thing about software unless it is his mitered hat, but that is kinda stiff. And shelves? He never puts anything away.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Yes! Believe it or not, there I was sitting on the brick patio unwrapping 20 old hard candies I found in the garage and scooping them out of the wrappers because they were soft...yuk, but I wanted the ants to have a big treat.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
They got to work straightaway, searching for the lost key. If only they could find it they would be able to rescue the kangeroos trapped in the ancient ice house.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
He said, " it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
I must take care of that he frantically thought! Maybe the best remedy would be to accept that you can't do laundry if the power is out.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Please, help yourself to another cup of egg nog. Now have a seat and relax. Lean back and contemplate what you are going to do next: wrap more presents, or eat ALL the Christmas cookies. Oooh, there's a whole jug of egg nog! I could go for a glass or two of that. And garnish it with olives and lemon slices.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
she said. "That's not a walnut! It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river. Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Greg, Xander, and Boppy were tired. Having trudged for miles upon miles through untamed wilderness, they at last collapsed as they reached the final step of their journey.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I felt soooo proud! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store! I felt soooo proud! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop! Right next to all the boxes full of stuff ready to donate to the thrift store!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid! so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass. I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!" Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid!
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
I think I will pick out a sweet little Donald Trump, the 45th president of the United States, wanted to meet Milo.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
With their youthful energy and can-do attitude, nothing could stop the students from rioting about the demolition of the omelet bar.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
But at the same time we would attempt to eat one hot pepper each. The winner would be able to do it with the least amount of elbow grease....and what a relief that was!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
It's 80s music everywhere! It reminds of all the times that I ever wanted more in my whole life. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Then arrange them attractively around the orange pools of grease that the pepperoni left behind.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
The best thing to do is take a minute to evaluate the situation, then decide which size pizza to order, the giant 18-inch, or should we order the small instead of the large?
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
We had chairs for most of them, but the rest had to sit on the floor.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
But he ran out of that, too, and didn't have any more newspapers to soupify to make more, so he started tearing pages of his roommate's textbook. The title of it was How to Win at Minecraft!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Were you trying to scrape wallpaper off with them or something? Have you no respect for running into the back of me??
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use. For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
What a great product! And the name of it was " Your dearest wish come true." Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
These are handy to have around & have many uses. The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen. One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero. You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
But, they were so hungry that they did not have enough cash to pay for the purchases at Costco, so they emptied all their pockets and ended up with the dollar amount of $ 4, payable in two Thomas Jefferson bills.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
In fact, I had to turn on the fan because the dog's gas emissions were overwhelming. That was effective, and I was able to get on with my work selling potholders door to door. Everyone loved the red and yellow ones.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box. And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place! After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
so we decided to get a second composter. We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now ! He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl. Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose. sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I looked, up into the sky and there was shining the Blue Moon !! How peaceful and pretty. But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Don't be surprised if you find yourself by asking hard questions, not taking anything at face value, exposing yourself to new experiences, and at every opportunity, enjoying a big bowl of homemade potato salad.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it. Instead I decided to add a new game app. The name of it was Clash of the Terrible Twos. Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Who thought this up anyway?? It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman! He was known for being obnoxious to the nth degree. Everyone was gathering into little groups to avoid talking to him.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
It's great! The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
they cried in unison. They then proceeded to knock over all my pink flamingoes in protest and put arsenic in the birdbath.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I put it all into one big gigantic bowl. I had to have plenty of room to make the icing made with butter and powdered sugar. Into that, sprinkle some delicately iced with pastel swirls of curled ribbon.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Aaaaahhh! We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped. The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Good thing I was not looking directly at it, and a good thing I was wearing my asbestos underwear! It was so hot!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
First, you have to be sure the correct worksheets are in each cubby hole with the kid's name labeled above. I reached into the back of one of the cubby holes and found a mistake!" Well, she knew she never wanted the children to go hungry, so if anyone forgot his or her snack, I would gladly give him or her part of my granola bar.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
It's that time again: Get out a fresh, clean sheet of paper and a pen! Put some thought into all the good deeds you would like to do in the coming year.For instance if your neighbor needed his garbage taken to the dump, You could take it to the printer's and have it bound.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
You can be confident it is if you leave the presents on your friend's front porch who lives in the ghetto that they will be picked up by a bunch of charity workers. Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot. From there they will be handed out to homeless people. What will they do with them?
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power!
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
= Some guy in an elf costume! "HaHa! That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet! Some people think they are dead! But they're just acting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could! Bursting through the opening, they couldn't believe their eyes: the new wireless mouse was growing fur and teeth !!!!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
They needed to be brave, intuitive, and ambitious! So I picked these three people: Gandhi, Einstein, and Owen Wilson. I figured that third choice made perfect sense because he had just eaten a loaf of bread the size of his head.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
The sun shone white, high in the sky. Looking into the distance, I could see the splendor of the rising sun. It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices. This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I'm very cautious in that case because I really don't want for a dinosaur to eat me. That would probably hurt.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Only, I don't think anyone else understood why I went to the movies even though I was blind! They didn't realize that my excellent sense of hearing allowed me to pick up even the slightest nuance of sound, and my vivid imagination I never would have guessed she would DIE from it!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Ted's day started out innocently enough, with his usual morning routine, but then, during his normally uneventful commute to work, a horde of zombies rushed toward his car!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
But you couldn't tell because your pants are on fire! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call the plumber!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle. We'll have to get the horses in on it too.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
This thing could wipe out a whole solar system. To ensure it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands, I wrapped it in brown paper, tied it up with twine, and hid it in the attic.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me! Time seemed to slow down and I could count each rod in the grill that would soon become one with my face. I could count the individual strands of Rayon that composed pink fuzzy dice dangling from his rearview mirror.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!" Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds! But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Now how did those get in here? Well, they were in the way so I moved them next to my collection of Bunsen burners, candles, and fireworks. Next I got out the shop vac to try to scoop up that big puddle of spit on the desk where I apparently had passed out from exhaustion.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
Already in the glove box was a carefully wrapped gyro sandwich, hot and freshly made with lots of whipped cream and chopped up maraschino cherries and topped off with premium unleaded.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Perhaps I could store them in a large milkshake from Chick-Fil-A. While we were there we also ordered a pizza to be delivered but when the deliveryman came, instead of a pizza he brought a box full of chocolates.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way." "NO WAY!" I retorted. "I don't want the malls to close until midnight!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
we are doomed...... They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed......
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net. Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
The note said, " Help me! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package. When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Listen you! Pay me or else!
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds! The packet I needed was still in the garage in the bucket next to the burning pile, where I throw all the weeds and pine needles and other detritus that needs to get burned up.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Then we could get the new halter and leash and put them on the backburner for now. I was way too busy to mess with them.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
Do! A deer! A female deer! Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter. Like a tax hike in a Democrat controlled Congress."
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Instead, we gave him two strawberry Twinkies which worked remarkably well, considering that he was dangerously close to defaulting on his car loan. He hadn't made a payment in almost three months, and he was sure he would need at least a hundred stitches!
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
well! I couldn't believe my eyes...it was a stack of money from the IRS, because I had overpaid my taxes not just last year, but the past four years as well! Flush with cash, I immediately headed for Long John Silver's!
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
And et, und, et cetera. I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo. So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen. Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
"You are such an abuzor!" She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Oh! What fun it was to hobnob with all those blue bloods! The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
This made me feel very much like an Ugly American. I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side). We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go!
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
at least, he would* be a customer if he ever made up his mind and ordered something. I tried not to smirk when the customer called me "Luv".*
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
I could hardly wait to get back home so I could start making trouble for everyone. I'm good at that!! Cackling evilly, I carved scary faces into all the pumpkins in the patch!
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Who knows? I might be spotted by the next agency of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole. No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"Hey! she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
exclaimed Kent. "You can't be serious! I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television." (laugh track) "To start with, crack these eggs, whip them up, and blend them into your stock pot. Next, chop the garlic into tiny bits at least small enough to fit into a cupcake holder!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
This is a job I am not looking forward to, but it has to be done. I have 2 potty chairs, 2 bags of M&M's, and 2 bags of gummy bears to use as positive reinforcement! Next, I got the calendar and drew pictures of poop on every single day.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
They aren't just noisy, they are very dirty people too! I just hate having to pick up all their 10-pound weights on the floor. I mean it.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil. All the monounsaturated oil made it count!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
I pulled my Mazda RX-8 into the pit stop. The clock was ticking and I was snoozing! I'd better get out of bed and get going, or I'll be wearing my Dale Earnhardt jumpsuit. Nobody can match my collection of his memorabilia. Why I even have his name printed on my flame-retardant suit and on my car, I don't know.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
Three days later, we were so thirsty our tongues were sticking to the plan. This is great news! At this rate, nobody's toilet in the entire county would ever flush completely again!
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25. But who's counting, really? Sitting in the hot sun, sipping sweet tea and making fun of the junker cars that drove up was worth at least $100.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
It all started the day my mechanic called to me, "Captain Mitchell, you had better put down that bottle of Tequila and come look at this." Although having been on a 3 day binge, I tried to rise from my seated position.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!" He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!" But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I'm not very big so I must not have that much blood to filter, right?" The doctor sighed and took out the tongue depressor and inserted it into the patient's file. "It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
(Hey, I was in a hurry!) Besides, it only cost 89 cents. And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back. Muhahaha! They'll never figure it out! They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof. They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
They wear out or break even before you've finished one project! It pays to set aside enough time to complete the job; otherwise, you are left with wallpaper paraphernalia strewn across the house for the next four months.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Now take this toothbrush and clean the encrusted roach poop from around the doorways. What a job! I would rather have a masonry bit shoved up my butt than have to use these crappy tools again!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
"Hello! I've been meaning to call you for days! How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I said, "I assure you NOTHING can go wrong when I'm around!" To everyone's amazement I then proceeded to sing, " We're in the money, we're in the money, we've got a lot of snot to clean up here. It is all over the place. Start wiping with this ring, I thee wed." And as the crowd watched breathlessly, she flicked her hair back, licked the lipstick off her teeth and proceeded to raise her middle finger for all to see and said, "If it weren't for me, I wouldn't be where I am today."
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
"Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
More punk colors: here, stripe your hair with this purple and this pink! That will make you look like Fonzie. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face! He stood up and gathered his belongings, which was difficult to do while holding the coffee cup.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I said "I can do better than that! " I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts! When they arrived, his tummy was already started to gurgle.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
"The ad said this would make my thighs look smaller!" She said. Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks? It cannot be possible! Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
It's Veggie Tales: Garden Guerillas. In the first episode, Ren and Stimpy challenged Mr. T to a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
because we couldn't run the risk of any publicity. The slightest amount could alter the electrolyte balance of everyone on the base!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I woke up to the sunbeams streaming through the slats of the window blinds. Something was different this morning...was it...quieter somehow...yes, the hum of the air conditioner was gone! Surprised, I realized it must be in Texas, not Kansas after all. How did I get here?
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
"Ladies! You look exhausted!" The salesman crooned. "Have a seat on this bench while I go into Best Buy. I need to, umm, get some stuff." An hour later my receipt showed up in my e-mail. And with that, I got out a notepad and pencil, and started planning for NEXT Christmas! And it's no wonder: the workers behind the counter looked as if they had been shopping for three days straight!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
She must weigh close to 350 pounds. But that's OK. that's right... Perfect! She's a door. The next girl can pose on this poof chair.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Chicken and prunes! Yuk! I would rather have a deadly attack robot! It would have to be at least 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
No one would find it there. Nonchalantly, I disassembled the fallacious evolution display with a sledgehammer. Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect? Unfortunately as I quickly rounded the corner, I ran right into the forklift! The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!" And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's...
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
First, check out this picture of a double whopper with bacon and cheese! Next, you must only go grocery shopping when you are really hungry. That will enable you to put some food in your mouth, chew it up, and swallow it.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
You don't build a roof with wheels of gouda cheese! Are you insane?"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Ultimate Ninja II would want everyone to remain respectfully quiet. Each fully dressed fighter was armed with daggers, leather lashers, and 4 or 5 weapons...per hand!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Frantically, he clawed his way back to freedom. Ahh, the fresh air! Ahh, the sound of songbirds in the trees! Ahh, the smell of freedom! It smelled like grass, and trees, and dew. I stepped out but he could hear the millions of soldier-ant feet marching, on the move to their next conquest was to round up all the squirrels and ship them to Alaska.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Boy, did it stink! It smelled like the driver must be a smoker. Frowning, we decided we could first try vacuuming up all the fragments of dried vomit. If they aren't stuck to the upholstery. If they are, we can try to use a high powered spray washer with a jet nozzle...or to blow his big hair dryer over the towel-dried car, for a final touch-up.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
The headache. The queasiness. The dizziness. Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with? Never mind scoop it up and throw it into the dumpster parked on the side of the house.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
"We can't go this way because the Hulk has smashed it to smithereens. Maybe we could--whoa!" Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
At first, I'd thought I'd died and gone to heaven. The Plutonium Transporters of America! They were famous for gigantic fund-raising fairs. In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Startled, I turned around to see a Ferris wheel toppling over, about to smash dozens of people into tiny bits!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
They came from Joe's Beanery. Always tasted good and made us feel like a million bucks.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Why didn't anybody else want any greasy meat?! What those vegans need are some good old pork rinds deep fried in lots of bubbly champagne. See, if you drink enough champagne, you forget you're on this lousy vegetarian diet, and you're free to create stupendous sculptures made from multicolored tofu.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
That was Boppy's favorite Texas memory! That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
I decided to take a dance class for fun and exercise. First I purchased my required leotard, tights, and the only other necessary item: a pretty pink tutu! Ready to dance? First lift your right leg and touch your toes on the edge of the piano. We were lucky enough to have live piano music to dance to.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I just knew if I could get a running start I could make that jump. Mentally focused, and calling on all my leg muscles, I sprang up to the edge of the pit and was able to pull myself out before the avalanche of rocks smashed into where'd I'd been moments before.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
Now, YOU'RE gonna pay!" I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves. As the dust settled and my panic eased, I calmly put my .357 Magnum back in its holster and continued my search for stuffed moose heads to hang on my office wall.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
I really needed a better disguise. Maybe a beard and a mustache would help, and some big horned rim glasses. Hmmm. And I probably should wear my gun. I'm nervous about this, you know. The fact that I'm addicted to placebos doesn't make it any easier.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
day. First I started washing the windows. That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away! "I told you you should have repaired that hen house!" "It wouldn't've mattered!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Something is destroying the village ahead!" They weren't scared. They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Now you must beware of the last two because they are poisonous. More poisonous than a brown recluse, in fact!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
I said, and I turned around to go again. There is nothing that is more fun than going down hill in a red wagon. Zoom! Down you go! Everybody out of the way! And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg...
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"You're so silly!" Omar said, "We don't need air tanks for that! We can just hold our breath.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
"I guess they just are all born rude. Everyone I meet has a smart-aleck thing to say when I ask them a question. The next time this happens, I am going to say, " Be sure to securely fasten your bungee cord before you jump!" That is, if I'm ever even at the Eiffel Tower again!
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
"We must find them! Look the back door is open! Help me Ethan! Let's see if the robbers are still in the parking lot."
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
On that note, would you like some more teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea? How about some sugar? You can't have tea without sugar! and you can have it with bacon, eggs, Spam and sausage."
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Sometimes I did anyway, and I paid sorely for it. Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on. I soon decided barefoot was good........if your feet were hot. But not good if your feet were covered with blisters, stuck with splinters, and if the ground oozed with the green slime from that pond we sloshed through earlier, while holding up our rifles so they wouldn't get wet!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Whoa Nellie! The kitchen staff were in for some major shipments of hamburgers. Three huge tractor trailers pulled up, filling most of the parking lot, and the workers started unloading the giant packages of hamburger buns.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Some were nibbling jelly doughnuts and drinking coffee; some perusing the Wall Street Journal, and some were just livid that tuition had gone up again.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
I don't think I want to go down that again! It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!"
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
The first thing we always do when we go to the library is to turn in the books and videos that are due that day. Then we go directly to the reference section so we can look up Guinea Worms.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Are there any more suggestions from the audience? said the old man in the back. "Take a nap every afternoon." After I take a nap, I always feel like killing somebody!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
It gives it that meat-like flavor, and don't forget the starch spray for the fries.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
The orc blood this recipe called for had to be room temperature. But they were cold, fresh out of the frig. Being in a hurry, she held them to her belly in order to warm their little wet bodies. Poor little things, all soaked and cold, she then took them one by one and gently rubbed them with a towel.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Then they all stood in a circle and shouted the team's motto long and loud. And that motto was " Dance like no one's watching!" "I don't care what anyone thinks , real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!"
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Will somebody please tell me what kind of world we're living in when a man cannot turn a dollar into a million, or turn a Euro into a big fat wallet.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord." Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
his mom said, "your screen time is all used up for today. Tomorrow is a new day and you can renew your magazine subscriptions over the phone, but only if you act now!"
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
What they wanted to charge us was absolutely ridiculous. "I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you?
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Now, long gone would be the pain. How he remembered when he had broken his wrist playing badmitton with an orc. Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR!