Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time? I looked at the clock, and suddenly realized!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
So we went to the airport and ironically, we were all so hungry we didn't care what we ate, so on the menu was was a Post-it note with the terse message: "OUTSIDE NOW".
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
He recognized that sound. Infuriated, he snorted, and the breath was visible in the cold air. The hills echoed with his bellow of rage, and remnants of soft verses of Psalmic peace.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
we were getting so dizzy, and as a last resort we tried crawling on our hands and knees. That took quite some time, but fortunately, they at least had an overstock of those little peanut snack bags to hand out to everyone.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
We started looking for the giblets. You boil those separately. They make good broth. Once you're sure you have them all, put them in your mouth. Let's quit beating around the bush here, we're all hungry.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The band would not wait! They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. We steeled our resolve and And? And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. It would have been a terrifying sound at any time, but hearing at 3am was the worst.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Anyway, it backfired horribly: we were just covered in kiwi fruit puree and crushed red cherries and pineapple. It did look colorful! The best thing to do was pass out spoons and tell everyone to get to their battle stations.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards. With windblown hair and feet planted firmly on the foam-washed rocks, one of them gazed out at the surf and said, "Thanks to all of our diligent analysis, the administration of this plan will assure the survival of humanity for many generations!"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Even the air felt electrified. The soft hair on my arms was lifting up! My scalp was tingling! And the popping in my ears was like I had never felt before ! Almost like I was back at wrestling training camp in Louisville, Kentucky.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
How cool! When the martini glasses were all empty, we washed them with our carpet shampooer. That thing has really come in handy! After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Can't have a fire without matches. For good measure he also grabbed a can of whoopass should do the tric' Nevertheless, let us with all due diligence seek to find a pool of water or a stream or something to put the fire out!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
What a strange taste, like nothing we had ever had before. And the texture was very light, like gossamer. Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end. Streaking fire fell from the sky, and portals opened in the earth, from which spilled the uncountable, writhing forms of extradimensional creatures.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Such a cacophony of clutter! What to do?? Well you have to start somewher' Why not start in this corner where there is an unnecessary collection of used tissues. I couldn't discard them, because what if the Illuminati found them and extracted my DNA from the snot? I would end up calling the Alex Jones show from a hidden location, probably located a big pile of possum poop in a hidden corner.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I've tried to explain to them that this is my floor and I'd really appreciate if they stopped crapping on it, but it's like talking to a more experienced person.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
And it's a good thing they did, because if they hadn't done so, and quick, we all know what would have happened. So thankfully, it didn't, and because it didn't there will not be any baby tufts of stump grass growing in the vast emptiness of outer space.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
All those Body Guards! All those TV Crews! How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Who knew what would show up? We might even see a protest by a bunch of liberal snowflakes demanding safe spaces to protect themselves from being offended.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
They had lined their entire property with mirrors! "How strange," I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue! The light was brilliant! So bright I had to shield my eyes with my hands and with a soft folded napkin lovingly wrapped around, I placed the tombstone behind the fresh grave, as requested.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Ain't that something! We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
To serve attractively, place the pizza in my mouth!! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
And I cannot seem to find it. Do I need to attend a focus group? And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there. Other than that, who would be there? Maybe some hopeful whiners and a few frowning judges. It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!" He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long! Oh well, at least the green bar of soap was not down to a sliver yet, and the roommate had brought his own pile of funky smelling shoes.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
he said as we sped toward the marina. When we got there, a huge fog bank rolled in, and it looked really scary, so we waited until the sun went down. Then it was cooler because we switched the fan to counter-clockwise, and that made us feel sleepy.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps. The result is a very useful mulch.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
"This is fantastic!" I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School! Even Donald Trump would want to own this... I will call him right away and say." 3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
It had disappeared ! Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist. Now what?! I gingerly circumnavigated the sharp rocks and came upon an enormous double cheeseburger. It must have weighed two pounds. It almost covered the plate! Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
What were you thinking?!?! You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list. Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The only way to cover that will be to file bankruptcy!! Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning. I had to wait about two weeks. Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink !
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl. Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses! Leaning in close, she could see tiny maggots ! Horrible ! How did they get there?
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
I had gotten as ready as I could for this fall, and now the only thing left was to sit back in my easy chair and enjoy a cool sparkling glass of Mountain Dew ! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
He slowly inched through the pasture field dodging cow pies and carefully watching out for the hot-tempered bull, which was hiding behind a clump of weeds. The General abruptly stiffened with alertness.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I carried it over to the Speights to see what their opinion would be. And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
It seemed to be moving by itself! Then through a little crack in the sugary glaze I saw several disgusting guests on late-night talk shows.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I kept calling my smart phone from my land line just so I could hear it again and again !! Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful. I kept calling my smart phone from my land line just so I could hear it again and again !!
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! ME WANT COOKIE! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie!
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets. If something is missing, always remember: look under the couch cushions for any stray peanuts.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
They had all gathered to dump and spread the compost all over the ground. Obviously that will help improve the borders of the property by planting every 18 inches a small new sprout.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Next we put the pastel cupcake wrappers in the muffin pan and put it in the larger mixing bowl.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
It sure tasted good! But an hour later I couldn't feel my feet they were throbbing so badly! So, I sat down to eat some calories before attempting the climb. Other important preparations include wearing thick socks, sturdy shoes,and drinking bottles and bottles of water.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Never in my life had I ever tasted anything so disgusting and horrible. It must have been past its expiration date!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
I immediately picked it up and threw it at him! He then carried the stack of folders over to the table and spread out the construction paper, blunt scissors, glitter, and glue. Then with them the children proceeded to make cookies to sell to raise enough money for Bonnie's bail bond.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
What's that, you say? Well, say you resolve to go jogging every morning. You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
I looked in the different drawers to find some and in my search I found ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around and around until it's good and tight. Just to be sure, shake it to be sure it's tight enough.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
There are three things you never want to hear your plumber say: "Uh-oh", "This is really going to cost a lot", and " I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power! It's okay to rent those because they disinfect them with a substance called Liquid Nails which I bought online from a company named Tethys, after the Titaness of fresh water."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
I called 911 and guess who answered! = Some guy in an elf costume! "HaHa! That's great!" I said, " Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor! "That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
I bet you traveled on a expired visa! Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Set up a giant lemonade stand right at the end of our driveway !! Not only would we sell lemonade, but we could also sell bags of ice. You know people really need those for seeing underwater. And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit. And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I'm very cautious in that case because I really don't want for a dinosaur to eat me.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
He just disappeared! Maybe he went into the 3D theater by mistake. If he did, and he doesn't realize he doesn't have his polarizing glasses on, he's in for a headache. A bad one. So bad, that I wanted to dump my popcorn on the floor, but instead I decided to run as fast as I could!!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
That's my peanut butter!! Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Hut one, hut two, there he goes! Quick!! Get on him, before he prepared the meal. Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
HAHAHA!! There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
No wait, that's not blood, it's diarrhea. Someone must have manually opened the seal! Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust. Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami. We could see it coming it the far distance!
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
And for dessert, we wanted Royal Crown Colas and Moon Pies !! How delicious! But things don't always taste the way we remember them.... This time the Moon Pies tasted like sea urchin soup, straight from the set of "Iron Chef"! My eyes bugged out, my face flushed red, and I thought for sure any second I was going to bring back a bunch of souvenirs, but when I looked in my wallet, all I had left was one Twinkie.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal. I didn't have time now to baste the turkey. Drat! I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house. "You look like a street walker!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
It was a bunch of sticks of dynamite! Now how did those get in here? Well, they were in the way so I moved them next to my collection of Bunsen burners, candles, and fireworks. Next I got out the shop vac to try to scoop up that big puddle of spit on the desk where I apparently had passed out from exhaustion.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
It was very exciting. The wind was whipping through our hair and we began to feel the wall for the light switch.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
The neighbors saw us, and said "You are so dumb. Don't you know how to do anything?!! This is the way to do it: First, stack up the ammo boxes you have scattered all over the floor. How can you expect to be able to deal with the revenooers properly if all your ordnance is in such slaphappy disorder?
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
There was a lot, but I managed to get it all stuffed in. With that out of the way, I decided to take a break and get some tinsel to throw on the tree. I could only find silver of course.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
we are doomed...... They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Now we go shopping for NEW stuff!! zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox. Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked. It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E. Cheese and eat lots of crap pizza and drink cheap beer.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!" I told him, " Listen you! Pay me or else! I need to make my mortgage payment on my house on Wall Street!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Abiathar, the superhero of sunny disposition and ensemble, was on a mission. He needed to go up a level in a hurry! Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I could hardly wait to get home to play it! I got home, opened the box, and inside I saw a giant strawberry! I could use it to make dessert with. I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
It had been neglected for far too long and as I rolled up my sleeves, I resolved to do something about it! It was just past the crack of dawn when I noticed a bunch of slimy slugs eating away at my petunias.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
I needed some deodorizing spray, so I went to the store and bought a can of Great Stuff and sprayed it into the crevice. It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
There's no place better than Montana to test the speed of your new car, but just getting there without a speeding ticket is the tricky part. Anyway I arrived and after mapping out my routes, I decided to stop at a truck stop and pick a fight. I was feeling all ornery, so as soon as I walked through the door I was frisked by a big burly policewoman.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
They were everywhere! had to write out a final will and testament. He gravely wrote, "I, being of sound mind and body, do hereby express my wishes in this last will and testament."
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I couldn't believe my eyes...it was a stack of money from the IRS, because I had overpaid my taxes not just last year, but the past four years as well! Flush with cash, I immediately headed for Long John Silver's! It had been way too long since I had enjoyed their crusty planks of fried chicken from Long John Silver.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!" I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
We put it in hyperdrive and watched with glee, when it started to spark and sizzle from all the electricity coursing through it.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It's so sparkly, it must be alive! I wondered what would happen if I touched it, so I did. And guess what happened?!! = It exploded with the force of a 1,000 thermonuclear bombs, carving a massive crater out of the side of the moon and creating a ring around the earth, which persisted forever and ever.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
In moments like these, I'm sure glad I use Dial. Don't you wish everybody would have dressed up the way WE did?!! Just look at those people who are wearing outfits that must have cost in the quadruple digits. I was thinking Goldman and Sachs. I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I sure didn't want to end up there! The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go!
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
I knew she was from Guinea, especially when she proceeded to order a Whopper...oops, this is McDonald's!!! Just a small faux pas, she thought. Well, think again!!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got? You thought of pink elephants!!! Get lose, you cannot compare with my powers. woo boo -boo-boogaloo, boo-boo-boogalo! Put them together and what have you got?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree! Now all you need to do is finish these cheetos while making some last minute calculations to ensure our safe arrival back to earth.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"Hey! she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere. With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples. he said cautiously.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Next, I got the calendar and drew pictures of poop on every single day. You know pictures speak louder than words. Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic. The scintillating tones of Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven drifted with all their smokey offensive odor toward my patio!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Squish. We immediately had a flat tire! And I know it was because we ran over a speed bump that was so big, the front end of the car shot into the air!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
You have to be able to think on your feet! Look at what's at stake, for crying out loud! People's lives are at stake! If you blow a tire and hit the fence, you know what could happen: spontaneous decapitation.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
The cigarette lighter cost a dollar. The foil pinwheel toy cost a dollar. In fact, everything we bought cost a dollar! Then we realized we were in a progessive town because our hotel room had "hot water on demand": to conserve the water that normally runs down the sink while you're waiting for it to get hot, there were small water heaters installed right next to the toilet was a strange-looking water saving device.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window! Every time I see them my appetite goes through the roof!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
I am so limber I bet I could put my foot under my bra. I didn't have a pocket so that's where I kept the money from the yardsale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Whoa Nellie! That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
It would clash with the light-colored decor in his server room, but he didn't care--he was a dork. On the way out I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and I thought, "That's right ladies, you know you want a year's supply of ball point pens and above all a year's supply of comic books.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man! I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!! If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding! I knew I had to get out of there, and the only way to do it was to amputate from above the knee.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof. They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
I was going to need a lot more spit to get this job done. As I prepared the next strip, I suddenly has the urge to pee. But the toilet had been removed! So I went upstairs and screamed to let out the frustration. Then I went back downstairs and fixed myself a meatball lunch pocket.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
First to Home Depot to load up with materials, plus take a class to teach me how to install a new toilet. I decided to put it in the garbage disposal to see what would happen.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Your armor will display the insignia of your Marine squad, right above the eyebrow, and right below the lower lip there was a kid who wanted to touch my eyeball.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways! There was only one thing to do: activate the afterburners!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
For example, while having fries at the fast food restaurant, I might lean over to my friend and share this insight about myself: "I'm not in it for the fries, I'm in it for the KETCHUP!"
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
"Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings. This was the lowest ranked show ever! To improve things, we had to make sure everyone in the audience got at least a taste, so we passed out portions the size of your brain doesn't matter.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Uncomfortable at best, and at worst, my underwear felt 2 sizes too small. I could never go through the whole day like this!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She gave me such an evil look, that I really wanted to give her a chance to make better hot chocolate than the swill she had been serving. I told her, "You have to SMILE at the customer! Make them feel welcome!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I flew to Miami and boarded the beautiful liner with all the other baggage, getting stowed in the hold. The weather was balmy and perfect. It seemed a good time to take a walk around the deck and breathe in a lot of fresh fish! "That's amazing!" He said. "Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors?
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
One after another, down they went, and I was helpless to control it. The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks? It cannot be possible!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time? It taught geography, history, economics, as well as Bazooka Bubble Gum and Reese's Pieces. We could not wait to buy some, so we headed toward the fridge.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
We were successful with ten seconds to spare and then some bozo struck a match...............
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I hadn't applied my sunscreen evenly! How embarrassing! Now all I could do was sit on the cold hard concrete floor and wait for someone to bail me out of jail.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I must make a list of people whom I want to give back to the community. My present to them will be 40 hours of community service.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel? I just want to be sure to put my makeup on right this time.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
i before e except after c... in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet. Of course everyone knows in addition to trays of sugary pastries, you should add bountiful numbers of rose petals to your bath!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
They are still good after all these years! Give one to the director. Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
Who would have thought Wendy's chili would have such a flatulating effect? Unfortunately as I quickly rounded the corner, I ran right into the forklift! The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!" And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's...
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Now that you've realized you have a problem, we need to work on getting some meat on those bones!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
We needed a large wheel barrow and plenty of buckets of cement. "Hey, take those back down! You don't build a roof with wheels of gouda cheese! Are you insane?" "Well, at least I didn't try to dig a basement. I'm sure if I did I would have an underground playroom!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Death was the order of the day (I suppose you could call a hamburger and french fries that!) Anyway who cares? Ultimate Ninja II would want everyone to remain respectfully quiet. Each fully dressed fighter was armed with daggers, leather lashers, and 4 or 5 weapons...per hand! A good Ninja has excellent freckle patterns.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
The volunteer outside the curtain heard all the mechanical sounds and mumbling, and called out to him, "It doesn't work like that!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot. Was it time for a booster?
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
After you do that, you should pull the emergency rip cord, hoping against hope that you won't end up splattered on the floor. Disgusted and demoralized, I bent to clean it up. The broken nose was so out of joint that breathing was difficult.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold. It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!" Who knows how long that had been there! "That's disgusting!" I said. "We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner! Russell used some when he worked at Busch; let's call him."
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
But today my concerns would not so easily be laid to rest. Next to my brass desk set I laid my Kindergartener's Spider-Man folder. In it was an invitation to join the PTA. At first, I'd thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I screamed for help! Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!" Insane with panic, I grabbed the blue ribbon watermelon and threw it as hard as I could at the red-faced perpetrator. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that?
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape. WHo had it last?" We all started to eat our noontime sandwiches. They came from Joe's Beanery.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
I need a pilot! Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over. Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets. Security measures, you know. So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
But was she flexible? instead of actually performing a dance.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
It also helps prevent muscle soreness. To remedy that Ben-Gay is good. Otherwise you can also rub on some invisibility potion.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
As I regained my balance, I mumbled, "Bizarre." Not a trace was left. As I regained my balance, I mumbled, "Bizarre." Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
It was so funny. When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect. But I assure you I didn't do it. Please note how cooperative I'm being. Ask me anything. Because I'll have an answer for you. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it'll be too bad if we don't get these filthy jail cells cleaned out.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Granddaddy would put his fingers in his ears because he did not want to hear the gunshot. Then everyone would join in to cut up the lard and use it to fry the bacon, sausage, eggs, toast, and soup. Now that's a country breakfast! L'il Abner (who wasn't very little) was always hungry.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
How delightfully cool was the bubbling water. How soft and green was the bed of moss along the bank.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
If you see one of these, pull it up! It's a weed. So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola! Especially if your own son is a pothead!!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
I started tuning up my bike, changing the oil, checking the tire pressure, checking the engine timing, and finally I was ready to check the air pressure in the tires.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Just one look at the M-60 machine gun she had slung easily over her shoulder and they knew she meant business. Molly was almost 7 feet tall and weighed 260 lbs.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I said. "I guess they just are all born rude. Everyone I meet has a smart-aleck thing to say when I ask them a question. The next time this happens, I am going to say, "
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
We had to agree it was a good idea. But what to do next? And where to go next? I think we should go over to the hardware department and we can look for some Transformers! The ones that turn into a robot and then into a jet plane and then into the Toy Department again to see if anything was missing from the shelves.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
"You have sissy farts! You are a sissy! You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
"A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!" I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods. In the middle of the night, I can get it out and use it to help me steal hot dogs from the mess hall.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
There was no escape. The joyful ringing of their laughter reached all the way to Route 17. Traffic was stopping just to listen. Pretty soon the whole parking lot was full of chicken nuggets! Hundreds of them! Crate after crate of chicken nuggets! "This isn't right!"
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
What to do?!! Here, take this axe and knock a hole in the floor. Lying down, I could see into a dark basement room. Grates in the walls below admitted narrow beams of sunlight. I could see that there were old professors lying around everywhere. Some were nibbling jelly doughnuts and drinking coffee; some perusing the Wall Street Journal, and some were just livid that tuition had gone up again.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
If you give a mouse a cookie, he's probably going to want some milk to go with it, and if you give him some milk, he may think he's a cat. Cuz cats like milk. Almost as much as they like washing the dishes. And if you let him wash the dishes, he may notice the soap bubbles drifting in the air, and that will remind him of days long gone by when he used to sit under the willow tree lanquidly blowing bubbles and drinking his tall cold glass of lemonade, and he would daydream about floating on his back in the swimming pool, feeling the warm sunshine and cool water, relaxing while listening to the sonic booms from the numberless jets flying overhead.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
"How can you think about food at a time like this? Do you realize our first priority is AIR?" "Women!" He thought to himself, " They are so scared of their shadows! Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE! And that's ALL I NEED!
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
The sniper has a laser scope focused right on your forehead." I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Your technique is agitating me. Stop making faces at me. Stop squirting a water gun in my face. YOu're an idiot. Let me out of here! I want to go get a massage now. I feel tense. There's nothing like a good dose of Ex-lax to loosen you up. Yeah, just go sit on the pot and relax.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Here, take this old spatula and whack the back of the head of any customers who don't agree to 'super-size' their combos." The manager handed it to me and walked off. I didn't know what to do, the meat had been sitting all night unrefrigerated.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
And wash 'em down with a tall glass of chocolate milk. A month later, when we got a craving for them again, all we had to do was pull some extra we'd saved out of the freezer! Boy, were they needing some more M&M's on top.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
The weapons were lying in disarray. The wounded combatants looked at each other and said, " You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!"
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion. exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!" The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." he cried, "Save me from the hallowed gallows!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness. Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
and pounded his shoe on the table for effect. Unfortunately, the force of it caused an explosion of monumental proportions!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Oh, how he had suffered without them! Now, long gone would be the pain. How he remembered when he had broken his wrist playing badmitton with an orc. Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR!