Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system. Standard teasers! Randomize teasers! Please select a story to view: Story ID Title Creator Status Num Entries Date Finished 174   Springtime in Virginia betty Done 22 12/27/2022      Hmmm... I think I would like some more lilacs, because they smell so good. 173   Daylight Saving Time ! betty Done 23 4/21/2021     We had a big job ahead of us: figuring out how to get in a vehicle fast enough to outrun the sun as it moved from east to west. 172   A Winter Day in the Wilderness bonnie Done 22 2/15/2021     hmmm may be those masks really are good for something! However, I hate people telling me what to do, ...like I have to use fully-jacketed rounds at the indoor shooting range, because they're concerned about LeAd PoIsOnInG... 171   Oh, the weather outside is frightful... betty Done 22 12/31/2020     For some reason, security had been increased overnight by a factor of 10. Once we entered the most secure part of the facility, it became clear what had everyone on edge: There was a large hidden aquarium covered with heavy drapes. 170   The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner! betty Done 23 1/13/2020     We were starting to get ravenous, waiting around getting hungry. We started looking for the giblets. 169   A Breath of Fresh Air bonnie Done 22 11/15/2019      It was a fearsome moment indeed! Everyone held their breath in terror. 168   Toiling at 3 a.m. betty Done 22 10/13/2019      Whew! This itemization for homeowner's insurance was going to take FOREVER! category for an hour and I wasn't even halfway through! There must be a faster way! But I just kept scrubbing with the bar of grit and learned online, I should be using my reading glasses. I thought the title of this story was "Trolling at 3am", so I went on the interwebs and collected the most toxic posts I could find, and I mixed them all together into a steaming hot mess, but unfortunately they didn't balance. 167   The Reckoning of the Kiwis xander Done 22 7/28/2019     I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda. I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch! As I held my hand to the hurty spot, all I could manage to say was I am ready for a real hamburger with all the fixings. 166   Somebody's Gotta Do It ! betty Done 22 7/8/2019     the robovac started sucking up my sock! Within a second, it had pulled it right off my foot, and then I heard ripping sounds, and I realized it was tearing my sock apart! 165   I love Thunderstorms ! betty Done 21 6/10/2019     Maybe the best remedy would be to accept that you can't do laundry if the power is out. 164   Wrapping those Christmas Presents ! betty Done 23 1/9/2019     When the martini glasses were all empty, we washed them with our carpet shampooer. That thing has really come in handy! After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over. They would be so impressed with my new toy' When they arrived they looked at my grand display and with great enthusiam, they said, " 163   Let's Set Fire to the Woods xander Done 21 12/7/2018     You can bring a few bottles! Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery. 162   Some Kind of Adventure xander Done 23 9/10/2018     Who knows? Let's call up a Harvard professor and ask him if he knows why the room is glowing orange. He'll probably say, "You dunderhead! Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" 161   That Garage ! betty Done 22 8/9/2018      Such a cacophony of clutter! What to do?? Well you have to start somewher' Why not start in this corner where there is an unnecessary collection of used tissues. I couldn't discard them, because what if the Illuminati found them and extracted my DNA from the snot? 160   I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ? betty Done 24 8/3/2018      How fun! And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer. 159   A large, healthy tuft of stump grass bonnie Done 22 7/18/2018     In planning for the Kidz Festival, it looks like we overestimated the resilience of grass. Sure, it can be tough, but once the chainsaw got involved, there was great danger! We protected our eyes and ears with homemade insecticide, made with vinegar, water, and a tablespoon of Miracle-Gro should do the trick I also thought a little pruning would help, so I pulled out of my pocket my pair of tweezers. 158   Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse betty Done 21 7/11/2018     I thought. "They're designed to be mousetraps, and are cute and fuzzy too." I scooped him up and went through a massive stone archway, imposing and mystical. 157   Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus betty Done 22 7/6/2017     They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym. 156   San Antonio Vacation greg Done 22 5/27/2017     I yelled. "What are we supposed to sprinkle on our tacos, for crying out loud?! HOW ABOUT A NICE SPRINKLING OF HOT HOT HOT SRIRACHA SAUCE !!!" 155   Will That Snow Ever Melt? ! betty Done 21 2/5/2017      Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy. 154   Different Pizza Toppings greg Done 21 1/11/2017      Other good ideas include Burger King, Wendy's, and Hardee's, if you get tired of having pizza all the time. Not me! I always like to sit down in a peaceful place to eat my pizza. But it is okay to have some background music like the theme music from the movie, " 153   But I don't want to! bonnie Done 20 11/13/2016      Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music. Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all. Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness. 152   We Need More Enthusiasm ! betty Done 22 10/16/2016      Maybe some hopeful whiners and a few frowning judges. It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit! It was from the party last night! Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! 151   Xander's New Dorm Room bonnie Done 21 9/9/2016     came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!" He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long! Oh well, at least the green bar of soap was not down to a sliver yet, and the roommate had brought his own pile of funky smelling shoes. 150   Trying to Keep Cool ! betty Done 22 8/20/2016      Whee! Now for the fireworks! I hid behind the shrubs and biting my nails, waited for the manicurist to arrive. When she did, she immediately saw what I had been doing, and exclaimed, "These nails look like they've been through a shredder! 149   The Stump Vine bonnie Done 21 4/26/2016     I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps. The result is a very useful mulch. Put all of it in the back of the truck and take it to the dump! And while you are there, make sure you pick up some latticework or fishing line because as the vine grows, it wraps around everything in its path and starts choking the other plants when then in desperation they start to prune it, they don't know such actions are misguided. 148   Laundry colleen Done 20 4/2/2016      I was so irritated because the water would not go out of the washer! 147   It's snowing!!! colleen Done 29 2/22/2016      One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero. You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash! 145   Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !! betty Done 21 2/5/2016     Then, nonchalantly Bonnie walked out of the airplane and down the ramp. When she got to the bottom, she dug in the sand with her hands, feverishly trying to find the return plane ticket. It had disappeared ! Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! 144   Heeeelllllloooooo there!!! colleen Done 20 1/10/2016      In fact, I had to turn on the fan because the dog's gas emissions were overwhelming. That was effective, and I was able to get on with my work selling potholders door to door. 143   Resolutions for the New Year ! betty Done 22 1/9/2016      First I took a personality test and I turned out to be an introvert. So I thought I would work on that and turned to the person next to me, and I said to him " 142   Ordering Online Christmas Presents ! betty Done 21 12/14/2015     After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box! The only way to cover that will be to file bankruptcy!! Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it. 141   Dual Composters greg Done 21 12/13/2015     I had to wait about two weeks. Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink ! 140   Deli Bologna greg Done 22 11/28/2015      Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit. Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna! 139   Getting Ready for Fall ! betty Done 21 10/29/2015      Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor. To counter that, Cliff decided to shred them. "You can't ever have too much butternut squash, because we want to make soup with it !Bowls and bowls of soup seasoned with sprinkles of rosemary. 138   Slatherage greg Done 21 9/16/2015     He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes. 137   Growing Those Tomatoes ! betty Done 21 8/1/2015     When I looked into the tub a few minutes later, much to my amazement I saw the tomato vine growing taller & taller right before my eyes! 136   Midnight snack colleen Done 21 6/11/2015     Don't be surprised if you find yourself by asking hard questions, not taking anything at face value, exposing yourself to new experiences, and at every opportunity, enjoying a big bowl of homemade potato salad. 135   That New Smart Phone betty Done 22 6/10/2015      I kept calling my smart phone from my land line just so I could hear it again and again !! 134   NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS greg Done 24 6/3/2015     Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas ! It was going to be a whirlwind adventure, scenic, and of course buying lots of tickets: to the movies, to the amusement park, and to go to the back of the bus where you can be alone so you can read your fortune cookie! 133   Why me!?!! colleen Done 23 6/3/2015      Ethan will be glad to help you if you find your wallet is straining to hold all that money. First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us. 132   Backyard Projects betty Done 22 5/28/2015      Posed as if they were going about their daily chores, the garden gnomes banded together and formed a labor union. they cried in unison. They then proceeded to knock over all my pink flamingoes in protest and put arsenic in the birdbath. 131   Cupcakes! colleen Done 22 5/26/2015     Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! 129   Climbing Enchanted Rock betty Done 21 5/2/2015     There, under a little tree, we saw all colors of lichens growing on the bald rock. When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision! 128   I Need to Take a Trip ! betty Done 22 4/16/2015     But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card. But he was a big fan of just taking a nap! But, noooooo oooooooooo. 127   Bonnie's New Tutoring Job bonnie Done 27 4/16/2015      She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right. She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose. So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting. 126   Getting Ready for New Year's Eve betty Done 22 2/18/2015     Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, Family Handyman, as well as buckets of confetti, streamers, and plenty of loud outfits that we got from the thrift store. They were cheap, but smelled like peppermint cocoa....yum !! 125   New Year's Resolutions bonnie Done 22 12/24/2014     And there you have it, in black and white: Do a good deed every day and twice a day be sure to , if at first you don't succeed, try, try again, then quit. 124   Get Those Presents Wrapped ! betty Done 22 12/24/2014     You can be confident it is if you leave the presents on your friend's front porch who lives in the ghetto that they will be picked up by a bunch of charity workers. 123   We Need a Plumber ! betty Done 22 12/12/2014     There are three things you never want to hear your plumber say: "Uh-oh", "This is really going to cost a lot", and " I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power! 122   Christmas Decorations bonnie Done 22 12/12/2014     With a glorious roar, he hefted it over his shoulders and tried to go through the front door. However, as he stepped over the threshold, he stepped into a cave. He could see tunnels to the SOUTH and NORTH beneath his torchlight. 121   I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !! betty Done 21 11/28/2014     Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious." 120   The Great Beyond xander Done 21 9/21/2014      How did you get here? I bet you traveled on a expired visa! Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars. So to be truly safe, they would need to suit up in 30 seconds or less! 119   Summer bonnie Done 20 9/21/2014     And you thought it was only good for dissolving corn starch packing peanuts. WRONG! You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. 118   Best Video Game of the Year ! betty Done 22 8/15/2014     All I needed to do was add music, and then people would really flock to my door. We could have an all-nighter playing The Best Video Game of the Year! 117   The best movie EVER!!! colleen Done 21 7/18/2014     He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner. But it was so loud, we couldn't hear the movie! 116   What I Saw When I Took A Walk II greg Done 23 5/28/2014     Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles. It dumped them in a pile next to the open manhole which smelled horribly lurked a grungy damp IRS agent. 115   You know... bonnie Done 23 11/10/2013     There must have been hundreds of them! They were everywhere! They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students. 114   Whatever is on your mind ! betty Done 24 10/27/2013     But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight. You know it's the little things in life that really matter, so go ahead and get an associate's degree in plumbing. 113   Nursery Rhyme greg Done 22 10/24/2013     All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep. 112   Global Warming ! betty Done 26 8/19/2013     How could anyone argue against me? Do they want to get punched? Do they want me bring the thunder? Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! 110   Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia ! betty Done 22 4/19/2013     My mouth began to water and I ran for the ramp for the plane, but just as I reached it, they started pulling up the stairs, and then I loudly screamed, " HOW CAN THIS BE SO COMPLICATED?!?!?!" 109   Thanksgiving bonnie Done 19 12/19/2012     Now doesn't a bacon Philly cheesesteak sound good right now instead of an ol' plastic one. This is the time to break out the nice tableware! Your good china, your sparkling wine. We were just about to open our second bottle when suddenly, hot marshmallow started oozing out around the oven door! 108   I Blew Up My Lab! greg Done 21 10/26/2012     There wasn't enough oxygen to breathe! Gasp! He had to get out! He had to order pizza to be delivered to the lab and the toppings were a choice from four: The four edible choices were BBQ beef brisket, chicken tetrazini, grilled salmon, or a Popburger. 107   Christmas Shopping III betty Done 21 2/11/2012      I got on the internet and found a lot of good stuff for presents! It was as easy as pie to pick out a bunch of gifts to be sent to his room for being such a bad boy. 106   Let's Organize Your Garage ! betty Done 22 7/25/2011     It was horrible. I tried to scoop them up with a long-handled metal scythe that we got from Reapers 'R' Us. 105   Christmas Shopping II greg Done 21 2/24/2011      When you see them coming you must floor it! "Eat my dust, turkeys!" I yelled out the window as the car shot out of the stocking which was hanging on the mantle. I heard a rustling in the chimney, an looked up and saw a huge SALE sign!!! It covered the entire front of the store!! 103   Zombie Attack! greg Done 22 6/10/2010     Where's my money, you silly stupid old fool?" Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, " Help me reload my shotgun! That dern zombie took a chunk out of my arm and I can barely keep my eyelids open! 102   The Art of Decluttering betty Done 21 8/4/2009     But that's OK! As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. 101   The hathood of the traveling brown hat. rhonda Done 21 3/20/2009     This story is about a brown hat. Not just any brown hat, mind you, but specifically it was really a purple hat that was needed. So we walked to the Beatific Bonnet Boutique, looked in the window, and saw just what we wanted: a winning lottery ticket! 100   The Nephews come to Visit greg Done 22 12/9/2008     When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package. When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! 99   Laser Eye Surgery greg Done 20 10/3/2008      After spending most of my life looking through corrective plastic lenses, I'd finally decided to take the plunge and get laser eye surgery. I'd been saving up for a while, because the operation costs two stitches were all that was needed to close up the gaping hole in the ceiling so big, he could see the sky! 98   Abiathar the Superhero! greg Done 21 4/27/2007     He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach. 97   My New Video Game! betty Done 21 3/13/2007     In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down! And I hadn't saved my game! 96   Fixing up my Garden greg Done 22 1/29/2007      Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery. 95   Rearranging My New Tech Room betty Done 22 1/31/2007     Melodic crooning by the likes of Barry Manilow were interrupted by a big knock-down, drag-out cat fight. Wow, the fur did fly! Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! 94   Speeding Down the Highway betty Done 21 12/4/2006     I didn't want to argue, so I pretended to be listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio. Too bad I didn't know that I was in the company of a red diaper doper baby who believed in God, who was the only one who could save him now! He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph. 93   Having Surgery greg Done 20 12/1/2006      I got the diagnosis back from the doctor... I was going to need surgery. 92   Accountant at Work greg Done 21 4/1/2006     There were 100 accountants, all identical!! They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion. 91   What I Saw When I Took a Walk betty Done 21 3/31/2006     This went on until I thought my throat would explode, when suddenly out of a ditch slithered a gigantic, slobbering, museum-class specimen of a loogie, frozen in amber, with bacteria in suspended animation that could be removed by meticulously scraping with a very sharp knife, and then following up with a gentle rub with a thin layer of butter, then I put some cinnamon-sugar on it. 90   Learning a Foreign Language greg Done 22 2/4/2006      So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen. Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective. we snarled informally. Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume. 89   Putting out Christmas Lights betty Done 21 2/3/2006     Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Where are they coming from?? They must be coming from Mars! We're being invaded on Christmas!" He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off. He kept plugging in lights but instead of coming on, they would just explode like a long string a chinese firecrackers. 88   Lazor Beam Hydra greg Done 22 12/16/2005      "You are such an abuzor!" She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!! Luckily, they had heard this brainteazor before, (or hopefully one of them was a good gueszor). 87   Concert at Chrysler Hall betty Done 21 12/14/2005     I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately! The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! 86   Touring Europe bonnie Done 21 12/13/2005     That was a bad idea, because we landed headlong in a deep ditch full of soupy mud! I couldn't help but shut my eyes tight as our speeding car swerved completely off the prescription medication he had been taking to calm his nerves. 85   Christmas Shopping betty Done 22 12/1/2005      He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift. 84   Working at McDonald's greg Done 21 12/1/2005     It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!" I considered this innovation. It would seem that fast-food production was more streamlined and technology-driven than even Dilbert could ever imagine! 83   Trip to the Pumpkin Patch sherry Done 22 11/7/2005      Our annual trek to the pumpkin patch had finally arrived and I was going to check out the gift shop. Meanwhile, the rest of the group went to the raspberry patch and had a raspberry war!! Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" 82   test2 greg Done 24 9/16/2015     You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean? 81   Going Into Space II greg Done 21 10/28/2005     It's a little late to change course! The asteroid is too big. In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. 80   Taking Computer Class betty Done 20 10/27/2005     Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home. 79   Cooking Show II greg Done 21 9/27/2005     "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta! This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs. 78   Potty Training the Twins betty Done 21 9/24/2005      To do this, you just need a lot of patience. One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house. We used snow shovels most of the time, but sometimes we used cloth diapers when we ran out of all the clean air in the house was being gradually contaminated by the encroaching fog of green stench. 77   Noisy Neighbors bonnie Done 21 9/23/2005      I just hate having to pick up all their 10-pound weights on the floor. I mean it. They must be major weightlifters because that's exactly what it sounds like: dumbells on the floor next to my barbell and other weight equipment. 76   Driving Across Country betty Done 22 9/16/2005     We will probably end up going into a rest area to collect tourist pamphlets for the area. 75   NASCAR Days greg Done 21 9/9/2005      Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun! The excitement was electric! Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun! 74   Conserving Water bonnie Done 22 9/9/2005     Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. 73   The Best Diet Ever! sherry Done 21 8/31/2005      "Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. 72   What a Yard Sale! betty Done 20 8/23/2005     The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan. 71   Test Pilot greg Done 21 8/17/2005      That's looks like a squadron of Russian MiGs attempting to intercept my vector! 70   A Day in the Life of a Dork sherry Done 21 8/14/2005     Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said! 69   Time for a Checkup! bonnie Done 21 8/3/2005     I hear those things can really mess you up. But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown." 68   Building My New Cat Condo betty Done 21 7/10/2005     "Well, you didn't expect him to throw up on it, did you? Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. 67   Putting Up Wallpaper greg Done 21 6/12/2005     That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" 66   My Newest Home Improvement Project! betty Done 20 5/17/2005      First to Home Depot to load up with materials, plus take a class to teach me how to install a new toilet. 65   Phone Call bonnie Done 21 5/9/2005      Don't hang up! I want to be sure I got it. Just hold on a second while I answer my cell phone........oh, and now there goes my beeper! well, you know the rest of the neighborhood will shortly know all about it if you tell her. 64   Airline Pilot greg Done 21 4/23/2005     So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! 63   I'm Not In It For The... bonnie Done 21 4/6/2005     I'm not afraid of them! Bring on ogres, giants, even dragons, they won't stop me! Because I'm Mr. Moneybags, and I want more of your money; so invest in my new scheme or I will promptly sign your autograph with an elaborate flourish. 62   Hosting a Cooking Show betty Done 21 4/12/2005     That helps takes the edge off when you get too stressed. Got your expensive Ginsu knives?? Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. 61   Ain't It Cool? greg Done 22 4/7/2005     I looked around before answering, noticing some men standing outside the window. Frightfully stern in their trenchcoats and black sunglasses, they appeared to be staring at those bits of broccoli stuck in his teeth....How gross! 60   Competing with Starbuck's bonnie Done 21 4/2/2005     Incredulous, I asked her, with sarcasm, " You want fries with that?" She gave me such an evil look, that I really wanted to give her a chance to make better hot chocolate than the swill she had been serving. I told her, "You have to SMILE at the customer! 59   My First Ocean Cruise betty Done 21 3/28/2005     Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull! "They really ought to do something about that!" He shouted with ire, " Swab the deck, you landlubber. You will earn your keep on my ship. 58   Captain Underpants greg Done 21 3/23/2005     Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts! When they arrived, his tummy was already started to gurgle. 57   New Year's Resolutions! bonnie Done 21 3/18/2005      "The ad said this would make my thighs look smaller!" She said. Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks? 56   Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon betty Done 21 3/13/2005      I got up early so I could watch all my favorite cartoons! First they played some oldies like Mighty Mouse and Mickey Mouse. 55   Spy Base Alpha greg Done 21 3/8/2005     It was going to go critical! We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks! 54   Texas Winter bonnie Done 20 3/3/2005     I had some ice cream and once I was cooled off I ran back outside to warm up. Ah the warm desert air blowing from the west, bringing with it a great deal of heat. I wished I'd brought my sunglasses with me. I checked for other supplies: bandoliers, ammo, and flak jackets. Once the weather got really hot them Yankee-land touristers might come hunting for your A/C, and you gotta be prepared. 53   Christmas Shopping - 2004 betty Done 20 2/26/2005      I just kept buying and buying! There was so much to choose from, she let her stomach do the talking so she picked the one with chocolate sprinkles. 52   Modeling Agency greg Done 21 2/21/2005      Totally confused, Jacqueline exclaimed "Fairy wings!" This ensemble would blow away the skeletal remains of the anorexic models. What a tragedy. But the show must go on. The rest of you: Take a number and get in line. When you fill in your applications, please include your criminal history, if applicable. 51   All I Need Is... bonnie Done 21 2/16/2005     i before e except after c... in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet. 50   My Summer at the Archeological Dig betty Done 21 2/11/2005      Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it. 49   Shopping at Lowe's greg Done 20 2/6/2005     In which case, you should start over. As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control. So we looked at the dehumidifiers. They were piled to the ceiling in a very haphazard manner. This did not look good! I yelled, "We need a pilot!...No, I mean a forklift driver!" 48   Anorexia Therapy bonnie Done 21 2/1/2005     You may end up being bulimic, but at least that won't kill you. Probably. Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day. 47   Building My New House! betty Done 23 1/27/2005      They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" 46   Ultimate Ninja II greg Done 21 1/22/2005     "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear! Countering the attack with another new move, the hovering spinning high kick, he propelled his opponent across the room flew a whirling bat ninja right at me. 45   Election Day! betty Done 21 1/17/2005      So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun? I bet that would get more people to vote! 44   A Day in the Life of... bonnie Done 20 1/12/2005      Such a rich food source! And nearby! A messenger was sent to the prison chaplain's office to plead his case. 43   High School Carwash greg Done 20 1/7/2005     Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy. Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy. 42   Pushed Over the Edge bonnie Done 21 1/2/2005     I said to him, "My only problem is YOUR ugly face. Speak to the hand! Because I don't want to look at your last moments of life on this earth!" With that he opened fire and I dodged every bullet with great aplomb. Now I was really thankful for those ballet lessons. My new flexibility was a great asset to my health. 41   Cleaning Out the Garage betty Done 21 12/28/2004     He stuck his face near, took a deep smell, and yelled, "I know exactly what it is! It's American cheese that you saved to see if it would decompose!" "Oh, yeah! 40   HULK SMASH! greg Done 20 12/23/2004     Nefarious had unleashed upon the unsuspecting city. Little did he know, right around the corner there was Emil Blonsky, better known as the Abomination! His pasty yellow reptilian bulk towered over 8 feet tall. When he saw the Hulk he lost his cool and started sniveling and crying. 39   Joining the PTA bonnie Done 20 12/18/2004     "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned. 38   Going to the County Fair betty Done 20 12/13/2004      Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!" Insane with panic, I grabbed the blue ribbon watermelon and threw it as hard as I could at the red-faced perpetrator. 37   News at 11 greg Done 20 12/8/2004     WHo had it last?" We all started to eat our noontime sandwiches. They came from Joe's Beanery. 36   Investigating Vegetarianism bonnie Done 21 12/3/2004     But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers. 35   Boppy's Trip to Texas betty Done 21 11/28/2004     Ah what sounds of San Antonio-- together with the unforgettable smell of refried beans, tortillas and salsa! That was Boppy's favorite Texas memory! 34   Dance Class bonnie Done 21 11/23/2004     So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble. We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you. 33   The Minotaur King greg Done 21 11/18/2004     To remedy that Ben-Gay is good. Otherwise you can also rub on some invisibility potion. Then we could more safely find our way there. 32   The Bizarre Bazaar bonnie Done 20 11/13/2004     "You overcharged me for that GI Joe figure! Now, YOU'RE gonna pay!" I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves. 31   My Trip Around the World betty Done 21 11/8/2004     Trying to keep up with Lance Armstrong is just impossible! 30   Downtown Precinct greg Done 22 11/3/2004      The sargeant will take a fit. To clean them, he will probably want us to use stun guns. "Have you had any experience with those?" "Actually, no, I've never seen such a gruesome murder. 29   Growing Up on a Farm betty Done 21 10/29/2004     First I started washing the windows. That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away! "I told you you should have repaired that hen house!" 28   The Dinosaur World bonnie Done 21 10/24/2004     We looked up, and there was only one bone left from an entire dinosaur and it was broken into 5 pieces. Xander tried to put the bones back together with some sticky dinosaur blood. We had to clean it off before it attracted more predators. We found a stream, and carefully waded into it. 27   Gardening with Betty greg Done 20 10/19/2004     Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap. 26   On the Open Road bonnie Done 21 10/14/2004      Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on. Now she was getting mad because he wasn't answering her. He knew she was mad because she turned into a werewolf! Shreds of clothing flew away, revealing dark brown fur beneath. 25   The International Village bonnie Done 21 10/9/2004      "There you are!" She called. "I've been looking all over for you!" She was distressed to see its hoof stuck between two rocks, but at the same time knew its mooing/braying for help was the only was she was able to find it so fast. 24   Weekend in Paris greg Done 21 10/4/2004     She was right; the very air seems to be immersed in vaporized perfume. How can they taste all the gourmet food when there's body odor attempting to hide under copious perfume everywhere you turn? 23   Xander Goes Shopping betty Done 22 9/29/2004     cried Ethan. "Xander, you already have two, and I have only one! I want one more chocolate cake!" exclaimed Bonnie. "But you don't have enough money to pay for that Spiderman suit and mask. Look in your other pockets and see if you can find any more Barbie dolls for Haley so she can play dolls with her sister and also with her cousin, Ethan." 22   Fart Dictionary bonnie Done 21 9/24/2004      I cannot smell anything. Why anymore, I cannot even smell my own butt since I sat in a bunch of flowers all day!" So we took the flowers and stuck our noses in them in order to hide the poopy smell that was all around us. 21   Boot Camp greg Done 21 9/19/2004     He started foaming at the mouth and just could not resist biting the tar out of every single drill sargeant on the base. Rabies? Let them worry about it! 20   Good Old Pop's Drive-in betty Done 21 9/14/2004      There was no escape. The joyful ringing of their laughter reached all the way to Route 17. 19   Going Back to College betty Done 21 9/9/2004     "I am become death--destroyer of worlds!" I growled as I walked in. She said, " Hand me that application and I will see if you are qualified to take any classes. 18   If You Give a Mouse a Cookie bonnie Done 21 9/4/2004     But the mice hate it. The mice also hate it when their fur is rubbed the wrong way. Fortunately for them few creatures including humans ever get the chance to do this. Only one person is the exception to this rule, and that person would be Mr. 17   Our Summer Vacation betty Done 21 8/30/2004      Scrub off the slime and grime of a sweaty, dusty day. There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it! 16   Trapped in a Mine greg Done 21 8/25/2004      Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!" We had to use a submarine to get to it. None of us had ever driven one before, but the tunnel was easy to drive through because there were all kinds of lights and even air conditioning. 14   Our Visit to the Library bonnie Done 21 8/15/2004     By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that. I realized this was a good opportunity to get out of there, so I quietly nudged past the jostling, shouting crowd, resisting the temptation to tear out the pages of the 1500-page unabridged dictionary and start making ragged origami with them. 13   Stress Reduction Techniques bonnie Done 23 8/10/2004     So I immediately ran out and found one, and offered to share my nail polish with her. She looked at me and said, "You look so sad. Why are you so blue? I think you need to sit in this massage chair and just relax. 12   My New Job at Burger King betty Done 20 8/5/2004      The early morning drive-thru lane was already backing up. Should we use the meat anyway, or should we ask the customers to leave and go somewhere that doesn't suck? Then I had an idea: I sat down next to a customer and smiled. "I'm happy to be the one to tell you, you've just won a LIFETIME SUPPLY of Super-Sized Whopper Combo Meals!!!" 11   Cooking with Grandma betty Done 22 7/31/2004     Betty called from inside, "Are those hot dogs ready yet?" I said, "Hot dogs? I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs. 10   Ultimate Ninja greg Done 22 7/26/2004      Then they all stood in a circle and shouted the team's motto long and loud. And that motto was " Dance like no one's watching!" "I don't care what anyone thinks , real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!" 8   Wall Street Blues greg Done 22 7/16/2004     Ever. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. Sometimes he would laugh, thinking how now the Betty Mafia could never get him. Ever. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily. 7   Going into Space betty Done 21 7/11/2004      However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole! The ship contorted in bizarre, unthinkable ways as the universe collapsed around them. 5   Ye Olde Medieval Days betty Done 21 7/1/2004      It did not hurt at all, however, what did hurt was when I landed on my head in a huge pile of goo. Interestingly enough Sir Greg headed for the gallows with great trepidation. 4   Barrister the Lawyer Cat betty Done 21 6/26/2004     Laughing, we walked off down the sidewalk, leaving the mess for somebody else to clean up. The shopkeeper couldn't believe it! What was happening?!! Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store! 3   The Big Conundrum betty Done 21 6/21/2004      You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you? You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop. Then you do it again with a bigger stick. You continue this until you're an ultimate ninja, and we will all thumb our noses at you, because your strength will be like a river, rushing along pell mell with not a backward glance, gleefully heading for a sure collision with that wall! 2   Woo baby! greg Done 21 6/16/2004     As soon as it did, however, all the walls were teeming with cockroaches, crawling over each other, a sea of movement, all headed helter-skelter for the comic book shop, because the lateezt issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK was out!! In it, the Hulk fights his arch-enemy, Snoop Doggy Dog. However, how formidable could he be? 1   Big Computer greg Done 18 6/11/2004     But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures.