Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
what say you?" I leaned back in my chair and considered the question I had posed to myself. Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time? I looked at the clock, and suddenly realized! It's summer! That must explain why we always want to have a picnic with friends and family.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
The key is to look sharp because that's respectful, but not so sharp that you draw attention to yourself.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
They also complained last week when I took my trash to the dump, I ran into an old friend, who enthusiastically said to me, " This kind of lichen is edible! Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry,"
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
You boil those separately. They make good broth. Once you're sure you have them all, put them in your mouth. Let's quit beating around the bush here, we're all hungry. I don't care how many steps on the recipe are left, I'm wasting away here. Now please, would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
How can they breathe? You quickly need to scoop out all that stagnant water!" Everyone just stared at her blankly. Finally I said, "Why are you down here anyway? This is a private beach. No one invited you to this quilting meeting.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
And you can't help but wonder, " Will these trolls ever leave me alone? Don't they have anything better to do than trolling people in the middle of the night?" I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
/ I cheddar the world and the feta cheese / Everybody's looking for stilton.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
I put out 2 bowls and closed the ledger with an authoritative clap." Everyone knew what that meant: the information in there was the only thing standing between them and total loss of cat fur. The Mange had set in with great ferocity.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
He flexed mightily, showing off the lightning bolt tattoos on his bulging biceps, and the crowd got even louder, if that were possible. Steve's date, Maria, had to yell to be heard over the noise, saying " I love salsa! Bring me salsa smothered on tortilla chips and layered with the scents of earth and cut grass."
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
In the attic? In the garage? Ah, man.. I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store. They had every kind you could think of, but I was really drawn to the sparkly tissue wrapping paper!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
I could take lessons from him, because I want to change the name of this story to "Who's Sorry Now?!"When Xander heard that, he balled up his fist and smashed the walnut as hard as he could. he cried as his bounced off, to no effect. she said. "That's not a walnut!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
What I really wanted to do after listening to all of that was break something. My fury knew no bounds, and I would have my revenge. But first, I needed to build a safety net! I bought a whole bunch of ropes at Ace Hardware and carefully wove them into a really strong basket we could use to swing ourselves across the chasm.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
But how to get rid of it? !! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash. All those bank statements, etc., you don't want people to know your every little insecurity!"
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
All the customers will surely think I am a real man because I could handle sweeping the parking lot in the midday sun!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Even worse, deflated balloons were starting to droop into it, getting sticky, like ponderous, buoyant doughnuts glazing themselves. In planning for the Kidz Festival, it looks like we overestimated the resilience of grass.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
But we must be reasonable. Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
In his room I was surprised to see a tick crawling on my shoe. Ick! I hadn't even considered bringing bug spray. Well, like they say, when life hands you lemons, discard the lemons; make bacon.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
We can give them bowls of scorpions! We scooped them up during our daily desert hike.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music. Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
This was a puzzling topic, so the group decided instead to write about "How to Generate Enthusiasm."
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Move-in day! We all got to see Xander's room for the very first time! It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface? It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Were you trying to scrape wallpaper off with them or something? Have you no respect for running into the back of me??
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
she said gravely, "It is real." Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Why is it that laundry never seems to end?!?! It's almost like flushing a commode on a windy day! Hey! Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Get cartons of them at Costco and store them in shoeboxes which were then shoved under the bed, next to the pile of slush the dog fell into! it was actually mighty spicy!! However, I must add more hot if I'm going to have a snowball fight, I need to build a fort!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity. Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list. Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box. And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place! After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil. People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too?
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
You should first lubricate the tines with a little dribble of maple syrup. The next aroma you smell will be burning leaves of course from Stephens back yard. he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
He slowly inched through the pasture field dodging cow pies and carefully watching out for the hot-tempered bull, which was hiding behind a clump of weeds. The General abruptly stiffened with alertness. Creeping forward, he spotted a fire ant hill right in his path !!
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up. I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut. It seemed to be moving by itself! Then through a little crack in the sugary glaze I saw several disgusting guests on late-night talk shows. They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Which he did, and amazingly, nothing happened. As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on! How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
It must have been Mr. Carrington, the newspaper deliveryman! He was known for being obnoxious to the nth degree. Everyone was gathering into little groups to avoid talking to him. Then suddenly he came toward us and said, "I want my two dollars!"
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place. I'm tired of people wasting time watching stupid reality shows..
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt! I swatted them with my trowel in one hand and a watering can in the other, nothing can stop me! Afterwards, I took some oil and rubbed it on my arms to keep away the mosquitoes. It made them so mad they bit me on the back through my shirt!
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
I put it all into one big gigantic bowl. I had to have plenty of room to make the icing made with butter and powdered sugar.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really? The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on. I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really? It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Confident I'd be OK, I took a big bite and froze. Never in my life had I ever tasted anything so disgusting and horrible. It must have been past its expiration date!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
I reached into the back of one of the cubby holes and found a mistake!" Well, she knew she never wanted the children to go hungry, so if anyone forgot his or her snack, I would gladly give him or her part of my granola bar. It's hard to work through meal time!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
The cork went flying through the air and landed in the punch bowl! "Quick! Get that out of there before it explodes! We can't have a big mess all over the place when our company arrives!"
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Keep up the good work! You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes. and drizzle them with Sriracha hot sauce! And habanero sauce! And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Presents to sort! The wrapping paper I bought on Dec. 26....where was it??I found all of it in the back of the car. The first step is to acquire the presents. Second, you have to get someone to put their finger in the middle of a bow, so you can pull out just as much as you need.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol. As they jumped into the pool, the spray stung my eyes and my nose! Blind and coughing, I flailed around, reaching for the plunger, I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, and put all my strength into crushing the walnuts with my bare hands....
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
But they're just acting. They're just lying there waiting to be strung from shrub to shrub. Let's get going! First I will check them by plugging them into the nearest electrical outlet. It's a trick to get the lights lined up just right, but when you do, the results are two thumbs with far too many blisters, and a back with far too acute an angle.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor! "That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now! There's no time to climb down!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
It was a long, intense process to add cybernetic enhancements to a super-soldier; one that would begin to wear on the subject's consciousness if left dormant.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
It was brilliant! So much in fact that I had to cover my eyes with cucumbers slices.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation! And for 3 weeks I had to wear an Ace bandage on my damaged vertebrae, which were partially crushed in a parkour accident two years prior. When it happened, I spent the first 3 months just learning how to use this stupid new controller.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Kill it, kill it, KILL IT!!!!!" I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly! There was no way to get out!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
he mumbled, with that repulsive but unplaceable accent of his, and his breath reeking of sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
I walked over to get a closer look, and punched him in the face! He yelled, " HEY!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard." So many kids, what else could she do? She went to the cobbler and moved into a pie full of four-and-twenty blackbirds.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
The car had broke down and I didn't have enough money for bus fare. I maybe had enough to get by without doing laundry.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
"You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances! Hah!" But it so happens that actually works out better, because Waffle House is open 24 hours!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Ah, I found an old lunch bag! And in it were stale pieces of air. There wasn't enough oxygen to breathe! Gasp! He had to get out! He had to order pizza to be delivered to the lab and the toppings were a choice from four: The four edible choices were BBQ beef brisket, chicken tetrazini, grilled salmon, or a Popburger.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
We couldn't see a thing. The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Now I'll never have to hunt for a tool again! Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Well, not literally* the last minute... Actually, I searched and searched for a good parking place and finally had to resort to getting a handful of gift cards at Wawa.*
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
so we loaded up a wheelbarrow-full of brains and carted them over to the Wal-Mart, to the frozen goods section. a worker yelled, "You can't bring raw brains in here! Get out!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic until finally everything was listed on Ebay and Craigslist.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Believe it or not , I was going to act the part of the fool! That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Maybe one day they'll learn to stop fighting over who got to choose the ice cream flavor. Well we finally got it all settled and the choice was Swirled Tempest of Flaming Death, the trademark attack of the zombie ninjas of Mars.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
I'd been saving up for a while, because the operation costs two stitches were all that was needed to close up the gaping hole in the ceiling so big, he could see the sky!
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Abiathar needed the pulverizer hammer which would be even stronger if he was carrying a load of dynamite in order to tie up Abiathar! That ploy would never work, because a hero gets tired of going to the hospital over and over!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I knew it was full of video games which I had ordered. I'm so skilled at 'em they only last a few days, max.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
I looked like I was wearing HAZMAT gear, but that stuff is dangerous. It did the trick though-- only a few minutes passed before I realized that I had the wrong seeds! The packet I needed was still in the garage in the bucket next to the burning pile, where I throw all the weeds and pine needles and other detritus that needs to get burned up.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
mixed with cables, network cards, and little plastic bags of ICs of every conceivable kind. It was the worst jumble of all, so I hid under the table and waited patiently.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
I didn't want to argue, so I pretended to be listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio. Too bad I didn't know that I was in the company of a red diaper doper baby who believed in God, who was the only one who could save him now! He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them? Maybe it's because they accidentily stitched him up with tools still inside his abdominal cavity! It wouldn't have been the first time.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills?
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
Fortunately, I was wearing my Kevlar vest and it bounced off! It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me! The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Show me your passport." And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air. It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination". They were givin away a big pink inflatable heart for Valentine's Day, which was just around the corner, and there it was: a brand new Hobby Shop stocked with every kind of Christmas light you could imagine!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late! He pushed the button of the vending machine expecting a deli sandwich, but instead, down the chute came a grenade!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We could see the entire auditorium from here, as well as mink coats, diamond tiaras, and fancy tuxedos trimmed with mistletoe and holly.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
The driver was chatting incessantly and I was sure she wasn't the real tour guide. She didn't seem to know much about the countryside, nor did she know much about the practice of rounding up American tourists and pressing them into slave labor.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
"Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Meanwhile, the rest of the group went to the raspberry patch and had a raspberry war!! Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
"I don't have any idea what you are talking about. There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Very carefully, Kent lifted the phone to his ear. he said cautiously. a voice exclaimed.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
We had to go to Sam's Club to buy the biggest bag of M&M's and while we were there we also bought a big box of Tide detergent!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
My payback noise will surely make the neighbors feel sorry for me if they know they've been disturbing my nesting South American hens. They won't lay eggs with all this noise! When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
That reminded me of when we went camping and we pitched the tent on the side of a hill: When it rained we started sliding down the hill and we landed in a cow patty.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
There is no A/C in a race car, and it gets pretty darn hot in the cabin. The vest, of course, is for protection. That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
They save so much water, and they work just as well as the traditional kind. Really. So don't worry about flushing the toilet. We can wear nose plugs and burn the leftover sludge, even though everyone knows a better use for it would be to put it into a bucket beside the commode.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet! "Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised. But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy! In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
and take off my lucky socks. I didn't need them today--I felt like I could take on the world!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised."
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I could not afford to have them do that diagnostic test, so I told him, "That's okay, I probably don't need both kidneys. I'm not very big so I must not have that much blood to filter, right?" The doctor sighed and took out the tongue depressor and inserted it into the patient's file.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Muhahaha! They'll never figure it out! They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof. They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment. For example, on the second level there will be a round hole, facing a raging fireplace. Maybe it was a bad idea to build the cat condo prototype out of styrofoam.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
my mouth tasted like wallpaper paste. I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
THAT will teach them to use acetone to clean the hardwood floors. Now take this toothbrush and clean the encrusted roach poop from around the doorways.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
Now please repeat your name very slowly. Because I have short-term memory loss, you may even have to punch the button repeatedly to make it work, okay?" "Wait! Don't hang up!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Just give me a second. and see right before our eyes the ground rushing up toward us! No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
"We want more crackerjacks! We want more juice. Fluff up our pillows! Don't you know who we are?
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Will your viewing audience please stop throwing food and sit down! This is not a middle school cafeteria! Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I could never go through the whole day like this! So I headed for the rodeo.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
With that, she turned around and punched her in the face as hard as she could. She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
He could just imagine all those dolphins and whales jumping out of the water, so full joy, so full of lobsters it was ridiculous!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
So why don't you just give it up and go back to using Depends Undergarments?" Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated! So why don't you just give it up and go back to using Depends Undergarments?"
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
"Out with the bad (dirt), in with the good (smell)!" She shouted, to no one in particular. Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, " All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time?
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
To prevent absolutely any mistake, we chose to consult Mr. Fantastic, AKA Dr. Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four. He said to watch out for Doctor Doom! His latest information reported that there was a severe shortage of toilet paper. Now what? There was only one solution: activate the fleet of snowmobiles!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
The kids were having a lot of fun batting them back and forth, but finally I had to call out to them, "Hey! We're here to relax! Those beach balls are just too big! The pool isn't big enough ! and she pointed at a picture of the "Beef Stampede."
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Paper, ribbons, tape were flying everywhere. It was pandemonium. We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
I guess for now, it was all just a fantasy! She paused for a final jelly doughnut before entering the inner sanctum of the plush office where dozens of models were milling around, considering who would look best in which outfit.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Ever get that vague feeling that something's missing? What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower. "How did this get in here?" I exclaimed. "The sites contaminated, and we ourselves slowly dying from some unknown ancient curse, it was only a matter of time before we and all our work disintegrated back into ancient history.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I needed some 2x4s and wood paneling, so I headed for Lowe's. When I got there I saw pickup trucks coming and going all day long. So Lowe's decided to stay open until midnight to accomodate all the purchases! Actually, you may need TWO carts! In fact, you may find that the selection of 2x4s has way too many knots in it.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
As far as keeping track of your weight, throw out that scale! It will only stress you out, raise your blood pressure and increase your intake of calories.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
"Hey, take those back down! You don't build a roof with wheels of gouda cheese! Are you insane?" "Well, at least I didn't try to dig a basement. I'm sure if I did I would have an underground playroom!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot. Was it time for a booster?
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Everyone was impressed by all the water running into the gutter. It was like a river of foamy green beer. he explained jovially. We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
She could tell her blood sugar was low from delaying lunch. The headache. The queasiness. The dizziness. Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I thought, "I probably don't even want to know where I got this box of grenades.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock. People across the street turned to look and gasped because streams of green sludge were rushing down the gutters and into the subway tunnel. "We should be safe here!" I whispered. We even tried to quiet our breathing, fast and loud from our sprint.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. The voice of the people will not be ignored!
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
The tomatoes we took were huge! Each one weighed 200 pounds! Everyone who saw them were amazed, but many couldn't help whispering to each other, "
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
"I need to get some of that!" Bob exclaimed. "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'" He said that so loudly, I jumped.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
It's been 4 stinkin' decades since we had meats! We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Ah what sounds of San Antonio-- together with the unforgettable smell of refried beans, tortillas and salsa! That was Boppy's favorite Texas memory! That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
But was she flexible? instead of actually performing a dance. So she tried it, and her classmates didn't know whether to be impressed or amused. Her ability to spin on her toes was phenomenal.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
she said, " Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open. Before I could say another word, the air shimmered around us and a transdimensional vortex appeared in mid-air, sucking the entire bazaar into oblivion before my very eyes! Not a trace was left. As I regained my balance, I mumbled, "Bizarre."
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Good thing we are going by helicopter, because it would take too long to travel in a hot-air balloon, of course!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Get it? That's the way we do things around here. And sometimes I had to bash some heads to make it happen. someone yelled, "have you seen those platinum handcuffs that were in the display case?!!
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
The dirt from my past several weeks of work had crusted upon itself to the point that it could begin to flake off in great chunks, and I could see the blue cloth beneath.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Coming straight toward us was a giant footprint in the mud. I could have laid down in it and still had room left over. This did not bode well. The sun was sinking fast and we were running out of battery power.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
This is the good stuff! Now take it and smoosh it together with your hands. It's okay. Getting dirty is half the fun. The smell of the fertile earth is like the perfume of the Garden of Eden. There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
"What?!" she shouted. "I can't hear you!" He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving. But he could not hear her! Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"There's nothing better than sitting around the campfire singing in twelve different languages at once!"
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
We hope you enjoy your stay! Surely your first stop will be to eat at an outdoor cafe. There you will be served by a garcon and he will bring you a complimenary flute of champagne, bubbly and faintly smelling of sewer gas.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining. He grumbled, "
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
You are a sissy!" When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
No wonder they call it the Mess Hall! Hey, let's ask the sargeant if we can get pizza delivered!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
And started rolling jauntily down the street, singing, " Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go; hum,hum,hum,hum....hum,hum,hum,hum, Hi Ho Hi Ho, Hi Ho Hi Ho." They were such a happy bunch! So happy that they cheered, in chorus, "GROUP HUG!" And enthusiastically reached all around each other, jumping up and down and laughing.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
The muggy air of late summer was so exhausting that everyone felt just hot, damp, and tired. There was only one quick solution: and that was to immediately drink lots of ammonia and chase it with bleach. He belched a monstrous cloud of lethal chlorine gas, and all the oxygen supply was quickly being depleted.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Martin, the postman. "Hello, Mr. Martin! Do you have any CHEESE?!! We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread. Yeah, and we need some meats! And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
We had seconds to get out of our car before you make it smell worse than it already does!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
But my foot is stuck and I can't move; It is stuck in a endless loop. This tunnel. It's stuck in some sort of space-time moebius strip, such that no matter how many times we go down it, we'll always end up back in the mine.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Just kidding!" I yelled. "It's just a joke!" But it didn't matter. Everyone brought their posters for the big Super Readout Day. And they set up a display on the lawn outside the library. But the weather report was not so good, so when they looked up into the sky they saw not only the police helicopters arriving in the distance as reinforcements, but also the vultures had already started circling.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
If we could all just CALM DOWN! Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall! (giggle!)" About an hour later we were all too drunk to stand up, but we sure weren't stressed anymore. Bonnie exclaimed, "
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
It was popping out, splattering the wall and dripping down the side of his face and landing on the countertop with a "splat".
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Just be sure to brush your teeth after, though, the dark green bits between her teeth showed up in the camera shot.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Dance like no one's watching!" "I don't care what anyone thinks , real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!" With that, he jumped into the air doing a phoenix burning somersault, and launched himself into a flying killer leap, landing on his arch enemy and completely smashing his record for number of enemies smashed with a single swing of his Bayou Croc Crescent Kick.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
But it was the only one he cared about anymore. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore. His laughter, tinged with madness, echoed through the prison daily. It was a hollow sound. But it was the only one he cared about anymore.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Oh no! It is headed for a crash! Unable to steer, her frustration at the malfunction gave way to panic as the obstacle loomed ahead, a giant miasmic mix of sulfuric and methane gases, swirling, boiling, reaching out for the next great leader in the cataclysmic battle for galactic supremacy.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Interestingly enough Sir Greg headed for the gallows with great trepidation. As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons! he cried, "Save me from the hallowed gallows! I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!"
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
even tried to intervene, but he was stomped on by Godzilla. Squish! Moments later the city came under attack by the whole host of jurors. Pandemonium ensued in the courtroom! The judge escaped deep scratches by hiding under his desk.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
All the stress? Surely there's got to be a better way to make an A on an exam. You have to stay up longer, study harder, and above all, pay attention to the teachah. Class is now in session, I'm gonna try 'n' reach ya. After the rap was over, Greg stood up and shouted, "There will be no discussion!"
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks. exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure!
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump.