Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
And small wonder, too. Even the cars had turned yellow from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli! Where did we land?
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
The bottle spiraled through the air, reflecting their horrified faces as it sailed by. No one was able to react in time, and it landed, with a hollow skitter-clatter, on the tile floor, impossibly unbroken. There was a collective exhale and then an immediate inhale, because the last thing we wanted was a fainting crowd!
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Suet for the birds, hay for the deer, and for the squirrels, there was no end of torment. Cats, speeding cars, rogue birds...the squirrels fought to survive every day, and had done so for centuries. Once, on the eve of an invasion, all the neighbors noticed more squirrels than usual sprinting over roofs and roads, gathering on the tree branches, clinging to the tree trunks, watching waiting, watching, waiting.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Finally! My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
You boil those separately. They make good broth. Once you're sure you have them all, put them in your mouth. Let's quit beating around the bush here, we're all hungry. I don't care how many steps on the recipe are left, I'm wasting away here. Now please, would you pass the TV remote control?
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The reaction spiralled our of control, detonating in a colorful blossom of chemical energy. The plume of smoke and flame launched itself into the atmosphere, spreading across the globe.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
It would have been a terrifying sound at any time, but hearing at 3am was the worst. We steeled our resolve and And?
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
The sun shone, and a cold wind blew in from the South. Seagulls squawked and crapped in every direction.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
So I made a catnip tea and put out 2 bowls of it. After drinking their fill...woohoo! they then proceeded to let loose a tremendous battle cry, striking fear into the hearts of their enemies. Their fury was legendary, their strength and unity were more than we could contend with. Once, they were humble, housecleaning appliances.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
If I have to wait any longer, I will have to make a point to go to bed early tonight. It's so soothing to listen to the thunder rolling while reading a book about the Oregon Trail. It took 5 grueling months to go from St.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Now have a seat and relax. Lean back and contemplate what you are going to do next: wrap more presents, or eat ALL the Christmas cookies.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open.... I was so afraid to look. I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod. Luckily it was activated already, so the geiger counter started a vigorous ticking.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
He flipped the couch over violently, and once he had our attention, screamed, " NOT THOSE!!" Exasperated, I loaded my shotgun. No more screwing around. Sometimes, only brute force can solve a problem.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
But first, all I need for preparation is clean fingernails and a big smile. All the customers will surely think I am a real man because I could handle sweeping the parking lot in the midday sun! My next challenge is to quit messing around and get a REAL job, like you know, I want a big salary, and no sweaty job.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
In planning for the Kidz Festival, it looks like we overestimated the resilience of grass. Sure, it can be tough, but once the chainsaw got involved, there was great danger! We protected our eyes and ears with homemade insecticide, made with vinegar, water, and a tablespoon of Miracle-Gro should do the trick I also thought a little pruning would help, so I pulled out of my pocket my pair of tweezers.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Who knows what lurks within the heart of man? The Shadow knows. He also knows where all the best cookie crumbs are! the whole family had to move.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym. Meanwhile, just leaving from there was a group of sweaty pony-tailed girls running toward the cafe we could smell the delicious aromas.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
An arduous task, but wonderful temperature outside which caused her to go into convulsions. A woman nearby noticed immediately, and exclaimed, "I'm an EMT!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
What's going on?" And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Something that tastes this good should be offered in the Trump Tower restaurant!! I am sure Donald Trump himself would order at least five! Then arrange them attractively around the orange pools of grease that the pepperoni left behind.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
Any minute now the UPS man will come down the street in his brown truck and deliver multiple packages full of those plastic air-filled cushions. Excellent! Now we're stocked up for some New Year's Eve stompin' noisy fun! Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Because they had so much experience, this was going to be extremely funny: Each person must get up, turn to the person on his right, look him in the eye, And say," WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Bonus! came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!" He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
So holding my head down, on it I sprayed menthol, and a bit of mint-scented oil. The immediate effect was the perspiration started evaporating and I felt so cool!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Sorting laundry correctly is very important. If you mix darks with whites, the whites will turn pink if you wash the reds with them! What were you thinking?!! You know those men in your house don't want to wear pink underwear when I had to go to the locker room at the gym!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
These are handy to have around & have many uses. The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen. One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
I tried to buy a burrito at Taco Bell with one of them, but the guy said, " GET back in that X-ray machine! You look like you are carrying a Beretta PX4 Storm Compact 9mm! With its comfortable grip and good balance and accuracy, this pistol would be a good choice for wearing on the plane.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Rearranging the packages I was carrying, put them all off balance and I dropped all of them right into a pool of exceeding clarity. Twenty feet below, I could see the dim sparkle of my diamond watch which had slipped off my wrist.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans. I then went to library, found the most crowded reading room, and proceeded to bolster my confidence by encouraging myself under my breath.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
And you can do it all in 10 minutes tops....unless of course you have to register with Click and Pay which takes forever. Make sure you never tie a yellow ribbon 'round that old oak tree, because this is a Jonny Cash town, you hear? If you can't sing at least the first verse of Folsom Prison Blues, you'll get kicked out of the 4-H Club faster than you can say "
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
People pay good money for manure and peat, so why not compost too?
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now ! He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl. Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He had had it! He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
The General gave the latest Newsboys album on Spotify a fair go and listened wistfully for several minutes before mumbling, "They don't sound Aussie at all. Newsboys? More like Taitboys. Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Spray it with a mixture of epsom salts, garlic juice, and a little bit of crushed eggshells. Tamp down the tourniquets I had to put on my arms after accidentally slicing them with the trowel.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Why is it that you don't get hungry until you are in the kitchen. Don't be surprised if you find yourself by asking hard questions, not taking anything at face value, exposing yourself to new experiences, and at every opportunity, enjoying a big bowl of homemade potato salad.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Because if that happened we would all have to go back to writing cards and letters. How different that was! We had to wait days or weeks for an answer! Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles. I am sitting on the front porch now watching for the app to close without losing my patience with it.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Whaaaaat are you saying? You think I'm stupid? Well I will show you! I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek. The options were spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, or rigatoni. I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette. As a finishing touch, he sprinkled on some red pepper flakes, chopped up jalapeno peppers, and just a splash of vodka.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide. Disappointed and frustrated, I determined that the cosine of a right angle is equal to the length of the adjacent line divided by the hypotenuse.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Then I added multi-colored sprinkles and a few well-placed dabs of icing. Decorating is the part that's the most fun. Be creative! You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
It's hard to work through meal time! Using all that brain power was very draining. I could use a pepper-upper!
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Peruse the aisles and be sure to pick out lots of fireworks to launch at random people and scare the daylights out of them! "Hahaha!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
"OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island. Hmmm I think this destination would be a good choice: the unemployment line! My job sucks! I could scarcely do worse!"
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
I think we deserve it ! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
We had to turn on the exhaust fan and spray around the room a big new can of WD-40. The perfect answer to our problem--WD-40 is famous as a remedy for squeaky hinges and cleaning away sticky gunk, but I bet you didn't know you can also use it for a lethal weapon.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments. He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue. Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious."
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
What lies beyond our Milky Way, in that massive universe? With the advent of SDW (Space and Dimensional Warp) travel, it was now possible to find out. I was the admiral of the first fleet to set off into the universe's darkest corners, and as the one in charge, I needed to handpick my coworkers.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels. Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
During those hot summer days I must have sweated 2 pints of O-positive. I handed them to the nurse, but she shook her head and said, " Oh my!!! What a garbled mess this has become!!! At least I was able to kill all the drop bears and goblins, well, sort of, I guess."
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
But when I did, he proceeded to buy advance tickets for EVERY opening show for the next year!!! The lady said, "That'll be $700!" He gasped, and reached for his can of mace! Everyone dived under their seats, and immediately someone switched on the vacuum cleaner.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
But this time I decided just to enjoy the moment. Off in the distance, I noticed reflected from the street lamp, 2 yellow eyes staring at me.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great? Then you need to put your feet up sometimes. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
In the whole milk there is a lot of algae growing there." Maybe the best thing to do is to load Minecraft and build a house out of solid gold blocks. you can afford it! In will come in handy when you suddenly realize, "The whole time, I've been wondering which is better whole milk or 2%?
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
It only takes a spark to get a fire going so they could have a giant Humpty-Dumpty omlette! HAHAHA!! There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle. We'll have to get the horses in on it too. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust. Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
A better strategy is just to start fresh! Get organized! Go for gold! With a GQ (genetic quotient) this high, Jerome Morrow was never meant to be one step down on the podium. That's why he put all his underwear into zip-lock bags. Nobody wants strangers pawing through his underwear drawer.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
"How much for a deep fat fryer big enough for a turkey?? We don't have time to cook it in the oven!!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Please contact..." I couldn't make out the rest of the ad because tears had already begun to dissolve the ink, which ran like charcoal wisps of liquidated dreams down the face of the page.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
He had a bad habit of eating too much pizza before I go to bed... Then you know what happens! I have to poop! But the only way to get to town to go shopping was to hitchhike! So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
ice cream.... We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
I am calling the cops! If you make one false move, I will take care of you by spiking the Christmas punch bowl with Jack Daniels! If you want to have a proper Tennessee smooth-sippin' holiday that's the only way."
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
It is also important where you place them: only put them back in the grave where they belong. But you have to hit them pretty hard to stop them, because they ate too many brains (!) which caused them to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
The Art of Decluttering has passed down through the ages and is renewed by each generation. The best teachers for this activity are female !
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
We surrepticiously crossed the street and found a a secret cave lined with dozens of bats and hundreds of poopy tax return pages. "Hmm, he must have run out of TP and used this instead."
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
After spending most of my life looking through corrective plastic lenses, I'd finally decided to take the plunge and get laser eye surgery. I'd been saving up for a while, because the operation costs two stitches were all that was needed to close up the gaping hole in the ceiling so big, he could see the sky!
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He needed to go up a level in a hurry! Those thugs were too powerful. Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle! This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres! I knew I had to think fast. ready! Let the battle begin! The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
He never finished his sentence, however, because that biggy size hot chocolate just spilled in his lap! He swiftly landed in full view of the spectators that had gathered to watch the race! They cheered, they waved, and they put the pedal to the metal and zoomed past the hidden radar.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!" Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Why would we have office supplies from the Dollar Store, when we already have a contract with a hoity-toity supplier?
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Show me your passport." And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air. It's not as easy as you think!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"! We were so happy to get the job finally finished, that we proclaimed a toast to be buttered and jammed in her honor.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
But it was worth it, because life isn't measured in how many breaths you take, but in how many moments like these, I lift up a song, I lift up a love song, to Jesus!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side).
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go! The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
at least, he would* be a customer if he ever made up his mind and ordered something.*
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
I stepped through the door and fell through a hole in the floor! I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools. That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
I couldn't believe it! What a easy test this was! I had learned this stuff in high school. I breezed through the first half, and then my heart sank as the teacher chided loudly, "NO, NO, NO...you're doing it wrong!" Well, let's just say I was completely mortified and felt a burning desire to shove the monitor off the table and just leave.
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Very carefully, Kent lifted the phone to his ear. he said cautiously. a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time. To do this, you just need a lot of patience. One day at a time, we worked at moving the vast quantities of toddler turds out of the house.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
I think they're even open at this time: your mouth! It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Finally we were leaving the driveway! The car was packed to the gills with all sorts of gear for the trip: camera, food, maps, you name it. But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
We can wear nose plugs and burn the leftover sludge, even though everyone knows a better use for it would be to put it into a bucket beside the commode. After all the next time you flush, you may need that 5-gallon bottle of fresh, clean water over there.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet! "Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I think we may have flown into enemy territory! And you know what that means! That means we will have to try to land at the closest airport we can find! Don't be alarmed at a change in plans, just make your face like flint, give it full throttle and close your eyes!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
It had been a while since my last checkup so I figured I should go ahead and see about getting a prostate exam.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
And to take pictures of the project from start to finish, I bought a disposable cardboard toilet paper roll. (Hey, I was in a hurry!) Besides, it only cost 89 cents. And I had a coupon for $1 off so he had to give me 11 cents back.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!" With that, we all started booking the wallpaper so the glue would prep correctly. Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal. And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools! They wear out or break even before you've finished one project!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
First to Home Depot to load up with materials, plus take a class to teach me how to install a new toilet. I decided to put it in the garbage disposal to see what would happen. I flicked the switch and the loud noise that erupted sounded like a hundred termites trying to chew through the wall!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I argued. he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Yeee-haw! As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning". immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Or while ordering a big ice cream sundae, someone might conspiratorially inform the person making it, "I'm not in it for the ice cream, I'm in it for the fame!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
My first appearance on TV! MY own Cooking Show! The studio kitchen was sparkling, brand new appliances, and plenty of brandy. That helps takes the edge off when you get too stressed. Got your expensive Ginsu knives?? Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish!
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
You gotta have a belt with those pants if you don't want to be holding them up all day! You'll see what I mean after you blow your nose a few times. I know you will sound like a foghorn, and that will mean that you will need to put some totally awesome detailing on your car. We're talking flames comin' out of the freakin' wheel wells, a Confederate flag on either side, and the hood a big ol' skull ring -- solid silver!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Make them feel welcome! Here, I'll show you." With that, she turned around and punched her in the face as hard as she could. She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat. Just try to blend in.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
"I can't believe you just wet your pants! Now they are going to freeze while you walk, and soon you won't be able to have a bowel movement because you'll be so constipated! So why don't you just give it up and go back to using Depends Undergarments?"
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Next, she declared she would eat more chocolate than ever before. She would also eat a lot more lettuce!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Oliver goes on strike, and as a result Mr. has to step in and crush the resistance which happened to be the shotgun-toting tomato, Bob. It's Veggie Tales: Garden Guerillas. In the first episode, Ren and Stimpy challenged Mr. T to a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut! That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs. Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We're here to relax! Those beach balls are just too big! The pool isn't big enough ! and she pointed at a picture of the "Beef Stampede." We gasped; no one had ever managed to eat much at any of my Christmas parties; they mostly just wanted iced tea.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Find someone who has a fan blowing in their room, dump the box, and watch the fun!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel? I just want to be sure to put my makeup on right this time.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
His big brown eyes were gazing toward the girl relaxing on the park bench, eyes closed, gently rocking her head in time with whatever music was playing on her headphones.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Everywhere was dust. Dust, dust, dust! My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet. But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall! Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
It's counter-productive. Stay focused on eating everything in sight. You may end up being bulimic, but at least that won't kill you.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
That's why I needed an expert carpenter. Once you start getting creative you can envision new shapes for rooms. For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
he said, his breath knocked out all the windows in the art studio.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Our day started out great. Before most of us even had a chance to warm up and get going, one of the scouts was back with fantastic news.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
It was like a river of foamy green beer. he explained jovially. We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Now I was really thankful for those ballet lessons. My new flexibility was a great asset to my health. I thought it was worth a try, so I plugged in some batteries and turned it on. Lights started flashing red, white, and blue!
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock. People across the street turned to look and gasped because streams of green sludge were rushing down the gutters and into the subway tunnel.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
We didn't know quite what to do. So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu. Next on the agenda was the Annual Potholder Fair, held every year, where the parents had a potholder-making contest, the winner being presented a trio of woven friendship bracelets.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
The tomatoes we took were huge! Each one weighed 200 pounds!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
It was unbelievable! Why one of them was playing the saxophone, and the tune was "
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
"Gross is right, if you're going to put salsa on your breakfast burrito, the eggs should not be runny! Don't eat that, instead, try my 16-ounce prime rib!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you. The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
Our quest to find the Minotaur King began uneventfully. We travelled several miles into the desert the first night, and found a cool oasis of palm trees and the sweet sound from a spring of bubbling hot water, perfect for relaxing after a workout.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
It was just what I was looking for! It was so beautiful I couldn't take my eyes off it! The merchant told me this was the last day he would be open.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
declared Paspartout with a rakish grin. We laughed and laughed; Men wearing hula skirts! It was so funny. When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
And the first one says, "I'm positive!" Get it? That's the way we do things around here. And sometimes I had to bash some heads to make it happen.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
The best thing I can remember is helping my grandmother gather eggs and feeding the little baby chicks. Sometimes we found the eggs in the strangest places: why one time we found three behind the barn, smoking like a durn chimney.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
I said. "It's so humid and hot here. I'm so sweaty." Everyone agreed and started looking around.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
(Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
"Do it again! Do it again!" They chanted, pounding their feet in rhythm. "Oh, Kayyy..." I said, and I turned around to go again. There is nothing that is more fun than going down hill in a red wagon. Zoom! Down you go! Everybody out of the way! And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg...
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Molly said. "But if you think I'm going to tell you, you are crazier than a bedbug. You need to figure out the answer yourself; so go to the library, and look for a book about Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
As we entered the familiar halls of the Louvre, we picked up a museum map and headed for the location of the Mona Lisa. We found her and as we stood gazing at that famous little smile, a gentleman next to us made this comment about her, "
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
"Xander, you already have two, and I have only one! I want one more chocolate cake!" exclaimed Bonnie. "But you don't have enough money to pay for that Spiderman suit and mask. Look in your other pockets and see if you can find any more Barbie dolls for Haley so she can play dolls with her sister and also with her cousin, Ethan."
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
If that happens, the only thing you can do is blow it out with all your might. Then you will feel 100 % better. In fact, you will feel so good that you grab a fire extinguisher and put out the fire.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I wasn't sure but I quickly learned not to ask questions and certainly not to complain. Sometimes I did anyway, and I paid sorely for it. Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on. I soon decided barefoot was good........if your feet were hot.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Even when we put barbecue sauce on it. But then it tasted like it came out of the dumpster! How could this be? Every other time the food had tasted fresh and good. Maybe it was because the cook turned out to be an ex-con.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Ha ha ho ho." At this, we slowly backed out of the room and ran lickety split down the hall yelling our lungs out, "Help! Help! We need help!" Hearing our calls, suddenly out of the dean's office appeared a lovely young woman.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Do you have any CHEESE?!! We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread. Yeah, and we need some meats! And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
It must have been cooked with bacon grease. That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation. This one has been a blast! We have had so much fun that I know next summer will be even better.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Do you realize our first priority is AIR?" "Women!" He thought to himself, "
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
We want to know all about them so we can write a report. This report must be written on the subject of underwater basket weaving. The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China. "Why does everything have to be ethnic? What about plain American?"
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Bonnie said, "Every time I see one, it makes me want to cry. I just can't help it. I get all teary-eyed; and then I start to wonder why is the sky blue?
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
What kind of meat? No one knew! It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil! "You'd better be careful or that might fall in in big vat of boiling hot french fry grease.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Grandma loved the taste of her fresh eggs and milk too. And no one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked golden brown teenage girls.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
And again what is that POWER? It is the power of the universe! The power that enables the ULTIMATE NINJA to unleash hundreds if not thousands of punches and kicks upon any who opposed him.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
And the name of it was "Ackerson Savings & Loans & Stuff". It had been in business for 20 years, but it had to be demolished to make way for a Stop-n-Go. This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Sam pulled a lever, and a deadly missile fell out! Where did that come from?! Is it programmed for a target?!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!" The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
There were a few close calls, but after about 20 tense minutes she gave up. "I'm so stressed out I can't think. I need a break."
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Unfortunately, the force of it caused an explosion of monumental proportions! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans. She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket. So when she walked into the coffee shop, she immediately put down her heavy backpack.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping. and as luck would have it, that was the one in which his cord broke. So, it was most certainly his last bungee cord jump. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.