Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Phooey! Yes, phooey! Now I have to wait 23 1/2 hours to get to see the moonflower bloom! Until then, well, who knows? I am sure we will be able to find a place to eat, but will any place be open at this time of night?? Hey, there's always Waffle House.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
But what is the difference between a burrito and a chimichanga? Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full. However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass! You can set it right next to this bigger can of Whoop-Ass!" Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
For some reason, security had been increased overnight by a factor of 10. Once we entered the most secure part of the facility, it became clear what had everyone on edge: There was a large hidden aquarium covered with heavy drapes.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
We would have to go the tried and true route which was to pack it full of apples and hope for the best. While waiting for the turkey to finished roasting, the oven twiddled its thumbs, wishing it had remembered to charge its phone. It takes a number of hours for a turkey to cook properly, and even an oven has limited power.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
Unfortunately, he didn't understand that you're supposed to take a deep breath first. So when he tried to gather up the magnolia leaves, the tree started rustling,he looked up and an avalanche of leaves came tumbling down! He couldn't see! He was stumbling!
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
Those were the ones I trolled the most. And one time this guy said to me, " Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?" I was so frustrated because it seemed like I had been so close to finishing! All I had left to do was type in my weight, and the computer quickly printed out a menu listing these choices: 1) Broiled troll leg with capers, 2) spicy troll soup with tortilla strips and shaved truffles, and 3) chopped troll with candied bacon bits and guacamole.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
The fear in our hearts diminished somewhat as each of the treacherous Kiwis was pushed into the holding zone. Their superhuman strength and reflexes could do them no good from within the containment field, which was also resilient enough to contain a fusion bomb's detonation.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
With windblown hair and feet planted firmly on the foam-washed rocks, one of them gazed out at the surf and said, "Thanks to all of our diligent analysis, the administration of this plan will assure the survival of humanity for many generations!"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
etc. etc. But he was a good guy with a big heart. When we asked him if he had heard the news, he said " On a day when it's rainy and stormy all day, that's the best kind of day to just relax in your favorite chair, read a book and take a nap.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
We must keep up our strength while we do all this wrapping! Please, help yourself to another cup of egg nog.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river. Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end. Streaking fire fell from the sky, and portals opened in the earth, from which spilled the uncountable, writhing forms of extradimensional creatures. Thankfully, Greg had saved a ton of money by switching to GEICO!
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Yuck! Well at least it was all dried up and easy to sweep it into a dustpan and carefully dump it into the ditch by the road. When it rains, the water runs down the hill, comes through the back door and flows all across the whole garage and goes out the door!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Maybe into shapes, like for instance the shape of a PAYCHECK!!!! hedge after hedge after hedge... Maybe into shapes, like for instance the shape of a PAYCHECK!!!!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
There's nothing more enjoyable than seeing all the full, healthy, verdant growth of summer. Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
But we must be reasonable. Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They, to a man, all decided to rush the stage. It was pandemonium! Chairs were flying, fists were flying, and threats were splashed across the campus center walls with hot pink paint.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
A woman nearby noticed immediately, and exclaimed, "I'm an EMT! Can I help??" But I told her "Sure, you can drive my car to Walmart."
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them. These featured steel posts that would dig into the ice so you can melt the snow so you can flush your toilet!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Why don't you decide what you are going to do with them? For starters, you could have salad, breadsticks, or everyone's favorite--stuffed mushrooms! Appetizers get people in the mood of a party! Other good ideas include Burger King, Wendy's, and Hardee's, if you get tired of having pizza all the time.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
We are sick and tired of it. I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long."
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
she declared. So everyone worked together to assemble them. Using ribbon and shrink wrap, I wrapped up all the junk I had found into neat little parcels and then advertised them on Ebay as "Mystery Gifts". I was shocked by how many people showed up to take the Enthusiasm Class.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
We all got to see Xander's room for the very first time! It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface?
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!" As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, " Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
And while you are there, make sure you pick up some latticework or fishing line because as the vine grows, it wraps around everything in its path and starts choking the other plants when then in desperation they start to prune it, they don't know such actions are misguided.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist! Hahaha! Actually, I meant the the white clothes should be separated from the red, but I forgot and washed them together!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
Even Donald Trump would want to own this... I will call him right away and say." 3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces. We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket."
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco ! Before we left Bonnie go garnished with parsley and those mini hot peppers. But, they were so hungry that they did not have enough cash to pay for the purchases at Costco, so they emptied all their pockets and ended up with the dollar amount of $ 4, payable in two Thomas Jefferson bills.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
What were you thinking?!?! You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list. Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
And you can do it all in 10 minutes tops....unless of course you have to register with Click and Pay which takes forever.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile. I told him I could compost those yard clippings, but he said "
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Horrible ! How did they get there? !! They must have come from the bottom of the fridge, behind puddles of spilled condiments and half-rotted vegetables. The odor of it all made me swell with joy. Smiling, eyes closed, I took a little taste....yum...How delightful.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He had had it! He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that! So take a deep breath and enjoy the wonderful fall smell of burning leaves and the aromatic essence of powdered Dramamine, which helped keep my lunch down as the plane bounced and quivered its way to jump altitude.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
The General gave the latest Newsboys album on Spotify a fair go and listened wistfully for several minutes before mumbling, "They don't sound Aussie at all.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I found the recipe in a plant book: You mix beer, baking soda, and then add a cup of Miracle-Gro. Spray it with a mixture of epsom salts, garlic juice, and a little bit of crushed eggshells. Tamp down the tourniquets I had to put on my arms after accidentally slicing them with the trowel.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
We can start a new contract for you and bill it to the nearest patriarch." Another important thing to think about is how are you going to protect your phone from accidental impacts?
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Boooooo Wooooo was that an excellent comeback or what?! Wheeee we said as we sailed down the waterslide straight into a big pool of water mixed with just enough corn starch to Eat. Whaaaaat are you saying?
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
No wonder you feel weak and you don't want to see me when I'm angry.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
They then proceeded to knock over all my pink flamingoes in protest and put arsenic in the birdbath. That was the last straw!
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
The most delicious part is the unique combination of chocolate chips, coconut, chopped pecans, and held together by welded high-gauge wire.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
Then when all the cookies were gone they all got out their flashlights hoping to find their way back down the mountain, and all the time they were watching out for armadillos.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Everything is so cold, so frozen, so depressing! I need to travel to a warm clime, and bask in the humid warmth of the American South.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
That job took you to the back room to show you where to sit and how long it will take for the next assignment. In fact it should take about this long: 15 and a half femtoseconds.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, Family Handyman, as well as buckets of confetti, streamers, and plenty of loud outfits that we got from the thrift store.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference! Good for you! Keep up the good work! You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes. and drizzle them with Sriracha hot sauce!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
"Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V." I looked around for help, and there, just out of reach, was just what I needed: more Scotch tape! I looked in the different drawers to find some and in my search I found ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer!
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
And we soon had enough to make brownies with. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts! He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
But they're just acting. They're just lying there waiting to be strung from shrub to shrub. Let's get going! First I will check them by plugging them into the nearest electrical outlet. It's a trick to get the lights lined up just right, but when you do, the results are two thumbs with far too many blisters, and a back with far too acute an angle.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious." Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Limitless options were available, as the soldier could make up his own scenario which would be programmed into the simulation computer. Several of the most hilarious suggestions included Don't forget your underwear.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels. Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
That's why when there's a new game coming out that I want, I always get scared if I'm approaching a shadowy corner. I'm very cautious in that case because I really don't want for a dinosaur to eat me.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly! There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
It's napalm. In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
The remedy for that is to be totally relaxed, have warm socks on your feet, and be ready to tackle the quarterback! Hut one, hut two, there he goes!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of tiny red garden ripe tomatoes that are so tasty when they are added to the pease porridge in the pot, nine days old. Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it in the pot ten days old. Peter picked a peck of pickled quail eggs. The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Someone must have manually opened the seal! Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust. Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami. We could see it coming it the far distance!
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Heck, I'll order some onion rings too. And for dessert, we wanted Royal Crown Colas and Moon Pies !! How delicious! But things don't always taste the way we remember them.... This time the Moon Pies tasted like sea urchin soup, straight from the set of "Iron Chef"!
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I opened the phone book to look for Christmas presents. she exclaimed, "It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and already you're behind schedule!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
So don't ruin it with plain ol' ketchup. Slather it with A1 Steak Sauce! Then you will probably start to feel hungry enough to make yourself a big bowl of hot shut the hell up. When I heard that City of Heroes was in danger of shutting down, I got so mad that I slammed the door; the shock rattled the shelf and down to the floor fell a beaker full of precious golden rings.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
I then went inside the Quicky-Mart and got some Pepsi, beef jerky, Andy Capps hot fries, and some curly ribbon fell behind the couch and got tangled with the golden tresses of Rapunzel, which she had cast out her tower window after he unwrapped the last present he put all the bows and wrapping paper into a large roomy cabin near the front of the plane.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
I really could not bear to throw away all those memories. Perhaps I could store them in a large milkshake from Chick-Fil-A. While we were there we also ordered a pizza to be delivered but when the deliveryman came, instead of a pizza he brought a box full of chocolates.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Unimaginative yes, but quick and simple. But, while I was there, I decided to go ahead and order dessert. oh, you know. You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
The Art of Decluttering has passed down through the ages and is renewed by each generation. The best teachers for this activity are female ! But that's OK! As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
That way they would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked! Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" While he was waiting, the UPS man came bringing a big package.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Your insurance will not cover this! Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I knew it was full of video games which I had ordered. I'm so skilled at 'em they only last a few days, max. That's why I have to soak my hands in hot paraffin every night.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
My garden was in sad shape. It had been neglected for far too long and as I rolled up my sleeves, I resolved to do something about it!
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town"
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
So I decided to turn in my driver's license and buy a bicycle. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be. So I decided to turn in my driver's license and buy a bicycle. I really needed a new line of work. There just isn't as much money in moving moonshine across state lines like there used to be.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
He gravely wrote, "I, being of sound mind and body, do hereby express my wishes in this last will and testament." He paused, and then continued: " I want every intern to pay attention here. Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I dunked them in a thing of tartar sauce, then demanded some pieces of carbon paper to make some old-fashioned copies of himself from the cloning machine!! There were 100 accountants, all identical!! They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!" I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Show me your passport." And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air. It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something!
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
He ran inside the house to call the electric company because the power seemed to be off.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
In fact, it actually smelled like fertilizor! Confused, I said, " Please don't eat me!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
The mayor was there, several state councilmen were there, we even saw George Allen, John Warner, and Harvey Morgan in the foyer, and they were having a heated discussion about which burned longer: a violin or a viola.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I will be bold and ask him," Where is the bathroom? Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He had already asked me for a refund. "Why?" I asked. he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic!
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
I knew she was from Guinea, especially when she proceeded to order a Whopper...oops, this is McDonald's!!! Just a small faux pas, she thought. Well, think again!! The employee's eyes bugged out and he screamed "I want a refill!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Our annual trek to the pumpkin patch had finally arrived and I was going to check out the gift shop. Meanwhile, the rest of the group went to the raspberry patch and had a raspberry war!! Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!"
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
I landed in a mud puddle. It brought back memories of days gone by, back when men were men and women were not to be trusted with power tools. That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
What! No light speed??? Would it help if I released the emergency brake? She smiled sweetly and pushed the button that sent them all hurtling into a black hole.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Does anyone clean the keys? NO! And if someone did, he would probably use DOS! Or Windows 3.1!! Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time. To do this, you just need a lot of patience.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
I mean it. They must be major weightlifters because that's exactly what it sounds like: dumbells on the floor next to my barbell and other weight equipment. My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music. Boy, do I hate it!
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
All the monounsaturated oil made it count! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
The vest, of course, is for protection. That way, in case you roll over you will always land right side up again, which is why you must always make sure your safety harness is correctly fastened.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
This is great news! At this rate, nobody's toilet in the entire county would ever flush completely again! Three days later, we were so thirsty our tongues were sticking to the plan.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Next thing you know, you'll be able to actually see your toes instead of your belly and put your wedding ring on without using petroleum jelly!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Those chilly coins were a problem though, so we stunned them with electric shocks. After that they didn't need to mow the lawn! The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I think we may have flown into enemy territory! And you know what that means!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
But I could always give them to my friend, ________ Raul. He'll know what to do. I hope we never run out of pencil sharpeners because if we do, we will have to hire a bodyguard!" Too bad some of them were warped from the heat in the attic.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
"Surely you don't mean for me to wear the hideous hospital gown in public, do you?!! Man! I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
What a mess that would be! And it would freak out the cats and cause them to fall. But I wouldn't worry too much because cats always are hungry. Like Confucious say, "Cat never full."
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
It would be a better idea to just call Lowe's next time and have them do it - It'd be worth it! So, to those of you who choose to take on the challenge of putting up wallpaper - my advice to you is avoid putting a lot of holes in the wall, because that will only cause discoloration later. It would be a better idea to just call Lowe's next time and have them do it - It'd be worth it!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
She thought that the circular saw would be perfect to slice the ham and salami for our lunch that day - can you believe that?"
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
"I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard! He seems to be trying to find candidates for his galactic space marine training academy. "I'm only 18!" I argued. he said, "I know you're not in it for the money.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly. I open the supply cabinet and what do I find? whoa, a flashback to me graduation party.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Start wiping with this ring, I thee wed." And as the crowd watched breathlessly, she flicked her hair back, licked the lipstick off her teeth and proceeded to raise her middle finger for all to see and said, "If it weren't for me, I wouldn't be where I am today."
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference. (Crowd goes "Ooooh!) Also, I prefer to use a plastic spatula, as opposed to eating what you fix right in front of the audience.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Now, music is one of those things you can't live without. It's like the heartbeat of the spirit, man. It's the soundtrack of life.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Coffee leads to throat cancer", but another sign said "Coffee can cure ennui!" He declared with confidence. "I can tell you suffer from it."
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
He said. "Where did they get those 1000 hp hydrofoil motors? How fast can this thing go?" Stunned, I replied "But it was right here! I put it there myself!"
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
It cannot be possible! Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away! What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated. Calmly, she answered, "I'm thinking if we ate nothing but lettuce and skim milk for a month we may look good for the St.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Oliver goes on strike, and as a result Mr. has to step in and crush the resistance which happened to be the shotgun-toting tomato, Bob. It's Veggie Tales: Garden Guerillas. In the first episode, Ren and Stimpy challenged Mr.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
As a result, he was disgraced--and grievously wounded. After he recovered from his coma he discovered he had a new ability: he had heightened awareness of a person's inclinations-- good or evil.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We gasped; no one had ever managed to eat much at any of my Christmas parties; they mostly just wanted iced tea. It was just too hot. So I always made sure to provide plenty of suntan lotion when we go to the beach every Saturday. We get there by 9am, but have to leave before the sun starts to shine again.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately. That would not be too hard, since I'd already decided what to get for everyone. So I got out my list and crossed everything off.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel?
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
I stomped my foot and out of the ground popped a prairie dog. How cute! His big brown eyes were gazing toward the girl relaxing on the park bench, eyes closed, gently rocking her head in time with whatever music was playing on her headphones.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Dust, dust, dust! My hair was matted with mud and straw. We started carefully cleaning it, and were surprised to discover that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!" And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's... I had enough to make two layers. Unfortunately as I quickly rounded the corner, I ran right into the forklift! The driver groaned, "That's gotta hurt!" And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's...
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Now that you've realized you have a problem, we need to work on getting some meat on those bones! First, check out this picture of a double whopper with bacon and cheese! Next, you must only go grocery shopping when you are really hungry. That will enable you to put some food in your mouth, chew it up, and swallow it.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
What a prize! I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours. At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
SUGAR! Right there next to the hill! We couldn't believe it! Such a concentration of food in such close proximity! Immediately we set to bringing it into the nest.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal. The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
And who has time to do that? He cleaned his sink when the water would not go down any more.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast." We then looked at the workbench ; there lay Barrister really liking all the room where he could stretch out, and also he enjoyed the warm sunlight as he stepped out into the fresh air for a little break.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Maybe we could--whoa!" Just then, Doc Samson smashed the ice sculpture into tiny shards, throwing everyone off guard, and one after another they slipped and fell onto the wet sidewalk.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Mesmerized, I reached out to touch it. "NINJA!" Startled, I turned around to see a Ferris wheel toppling over, about to smash dozens of people into tiny bits! I screamed for help! Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
They came from Joe's Beanery. Always tasted good and made us feel like a million bucks. "I need to get some of that!" Bob exclaimed. "It's the best way to sneak up on someone, and then, the instant you know they see you, you shout, 'NINJA!'"
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper. I need more flavor! Pilot! Pilot! I need a pilot! Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
he said. Boppy laughed and laughed. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em. he said. Boppy laughed and laughed. That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em. he said. Boppy laughed and laughed.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
So many dangers beset us, we scarcely conceived of ever making it through the maze alive. Giant scorpions, venomous snakes and worse hounded our every step.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
There had to be some here somewhere. And then I saw it: THE most tacky lamp I have ever seen! Of course I had to buy it! It would be the perfect gift for my pet gila monster, Scalie. Scalie loved gifts like this!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
My frantic struggling to stop the flow gave way to resignation that I would have to find another job to earn ticket fare back home. I am going to wheel in here to this little cafe and order a tall glass of foamy beer, running out of the keg, down the bar, and onto the floor, puddling around the table legs in yeasty-smelling bubbles.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
When he finally found the cash register, he looked at it and exclaimed, " You'll won't do me in with that heater!" He grabbed it and they wrestled around the foyer, until the judge bangs his gavel, and yells, "Order in the Court!" As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
I grabbed 'em by the ear and hollered, "I'm gonna tan yer hide, boy!" I dragged him inside and tried to put him to sleep so the vet and I could operate.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Why else would he, John Kerry, ever think he could be president? Just then, a T-Rex ran up and ate him!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
They're so poisonous, that instead of killing a person when the person eats it, this carnivorous plant, averaging 50 feet high, EATS PEOPLE! And it's so strong that if it eats a bomb, it won't get killed! And if you shoot it with bullets, it will die.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving. But he could not hear her! Weird!
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"There you are!" She called. "I've been looking all over for you!" She was distressed to see its hoof stuck between two rocks, but at the same time knew its mooing/braying for help was the only was she was able to find it so fast.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
When we walked through the great doors, everything was very quiet. The huge stained glass windows glowed from the sunshine outside. In the far corner we spotted a group of But enough about that. We hadn't been to a museum yet so we jumped up and headed for the closest Starbucks.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
Let's see if the robbers are still in the parking lot." We dashed out and found them sitting in a puddle of urine.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
And sometimes they're loud! Sometimes they're so loud they are deafening; so cacophonous they pierce your ears; so mind-boggling they make your butt steam! If that happens, the only thing you can do is blow it out with all your might.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Why one day in the mess hall, we had a terrible food fight when everyone was throwing fits about the insufficient supplies.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Every other time the food had tasted fresh and good. Maybe it was because the cook turned out to be an ex-con. There was something dark and sinister about him.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
"I am become death--destroyer of worlds!" I growled as I walked in. She said, " Hand me that application and I will see if you are qualified to take any classes. I want you to know that I make the final decision, so you better be on your p's and q's.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
One can never be too careful. For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat. 300 mice died to provide you with that stylishly avant-garde attire, and don't let them forget it. Every time they see you they'll turn around and moon you, and I mean every time!
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
Don't forget the food." So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up. What a relief! Imagine getting so sick on that food! What was in it? It must have been cooked with bacon grease.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
None of us had ever driven one before, but the tunnel was easy to drive through because there were all kinds of lights and even air conditioning.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
This report must be written on the subject of underwater basket weaving. The professor was from the country of Mexico, from the country of India, from the country of China.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Stop making faces at me. Stop squirting a water gun in my face. YOu're an idiot. Let me out of here! I want to go get a massage now. I feel tense. There's nothing like a good dose of Ex-lax to loosen you up. Yeah, just go sit on the pot and relax. Ha ha Then you can tell us all about it: why do you have the irrepressible need to straighten out the tassels at the ends of an area rug?"
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
I get to spread big slabs of lard on the grill, before I start frying the sausage.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And wash 'em down with a tall glass of chocolate milk. A month later, when we got a craving for them again, all we had to do was pull some extra we'd saved out of the freezer!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
His weapons were locked in the cabinet and he had lost the key! Too bad. Well he would just have to use his fisticuff expertise.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
And no one seems to know why! One theory is that blue chip stocks are always a recommended buy. Unless they're going down. In which case, he proceeded to sweep up all the ticker tape from the Exchange floor. But he decided he needed help, so he asked a group of socialist insurgents to stop making so much racket and go buy them lunch.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
So everyone got together and loaded it with sausage. Some cheese, bread, and wine, and minutes later they were feasting away. But only an hour later, the King and all his countrymen gathered on the field of battle.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness. Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Surely there's got to be a better way to make an A on an exam. You have to stay up longer, study harder, and above all, pay attention to the teachah.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
We're doomed. As a result, they gave permission to build on the site of the historic battlefield never realizing that an apocolyptic tidal wave was only a few miles away and coming fast. We're doomed. He spent most of the time talking about himself.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
They would never be poor again! And the first thing they decided to buy was a life insurance policy, because they knew they would not live forever. In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away.