Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
And when I finally checked the calendar, I realized our next house is going to need multiple fireplaces, because that last winter was a doozy!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Didn't they both come from the country of Upper Volta?? Boppy has stamps from there. It's now known as The Enforcer. Most other people would flee or cower in the face of such peril, but we could always count on him to fire up the grill!! Get those steaks ready!! He was always generous with sprinkling the garlic salt, but he was very careful with the bottle of 1931 Sauvignon Blanc from France.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full. However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass! You can set it right next to this bigger can of Whoop-Ass!" Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
albeit feet-first. I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it. I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
He couldn't see! He was stumbling! Stumbling, he tried to reach for the next page of music, but his cramp was so bad it was like he was moving in slow motion. The band would not wait! They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. We steeled our resolve and And? And? And? sometimes I want to hug somebody. It would have been a terrifying sound at any time, but hearing at 3am was the worst. We steeled our resolve and And?
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Meat pies steamed behind the counter of coffee shops. Yes, it was a day just like any other. But little did the inhabitants know, today would be the last normal day in a long time.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
He said, " it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Indeed, thunderstorms are a dramatic immersion for the senses. Even the air felt electrified. The soft hair on my arms was lifting up! My scalp was tingling!
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Good king Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephen!" The entire room erupted in song! We raised our glasses and forgot all about the present wrapping, and joined in with singing and dancing. The music was outstanding Especially the trumpet player who stood on the stage and proceeded to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!"
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Let's call up a Harvard professor and ask him if he knows why the room is glowing orange. He'll probably say, "You dunderhead! Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" Now what? Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
When it rains, the water runs down the hill, comes through the back door and flows all across the whole garage and goes out the door!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
You know that would be the ultimate experience! hedge after hedge after hedge... Maybe into shapes, like for instance the shape of a PAYCHECK!!!!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Passersby may or may not care to stop and admire the large healthy tuft of iridescent green light, shimmering and floating before our eyes.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
All those TV Crews! How could they all possibly fit in the cabinet under Boppy's sink? "There's one way," Greg said as he walked in with crowbar the size of his arm. "Stand back!" But Boppy exclaimed, "I can't kill it if I've named it!"
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They all trooped in and lo, and behold, there waiting for them was Hulk Hogan! He was going to teach them a new school anthem. He tapped his conductor's rod on the podium, and then, when he was sure he had their attention, he said, "I am the Big Cheese around here. If you need ANYthing, just ask me, and I will refer you to my friend: Chuck Norris."
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
of A!" She then pounded the table for emphasis, causing all the stray animals to congregate in Bonnie's back yard.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
And isn't that part of the fabric of life? Letting yourself just enjoy all the simple things is life are so valuable. Surely someone would figure out that what I really wanted was a simple joy. And isn't that part of the fabric of life?
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
MMMM! DELICIOUS! We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
We are sick and tired of it. I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry! Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
It was from the party last night! Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it! This performance will be so spectacular that the town will hold a fireworks extravaganza! And vendors will come to sell their homemade costumes.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
We all got to see Xander's room for the very first time! It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface? It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat. As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, "
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket." These are handy to have around & have many uses. The ideal number to have for a typical household is two dozen. One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero. You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
That was effective, and I was able to get on with my work selling potholders door to door. Everyone loved the red and yellow ones.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I think we should go to the Yoga studio and sign up for some classes. That should really help because my nose would not stop running. How annoying. I needed not only a handkerchief but also a big box of old receipts!" The best way to tackle tedious jobs like that is to sit down with a BIG glass of wine and ponder for a while.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
Aha! I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box. And that box was hidden inside the computer tower! What a great hiding place! After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
Last time, I situated my composter on a hill. I bet you can figure how that turned out. That's right. It turned over layer by layer as I rotated the barrel. I expected a bad odor, but all I smelled was the thick, sticky smoke from Stevens' smouldering burn pile.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Meanwhile, several neighbors stopped by to see where the smell was coming from. They were holding handkerchiefs over their noses and were mumbling, "
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
We need lots of colorful leaves, and lots of dog poop which was scattered here and there in our ditch. Also Roger Young seemed to be moving our boundary line in his favor. To counter that, Cliff decided to shred them. "You can't ever have too much butternut squash, because we want to make soup with it !Bowls and bowls of soup seasoned with sprinkles of rosemary.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
He slowly inched through the pasture field dodging cow pies and carefully watching out for the hot-tempered bull, which was hiding behind a clump of weeds. The General abruptly stiffened with alertness. Creeping forward, he spotted a fire ant hill right in his path !!
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Angry and frustrated, I threw it into a tub of warm soapy water hoping I could soak out the blood.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada. It might give you bad breath and terrible indigestion. I got out my Altoids and Tums, took two of each and then proceeded to prop up our feet and top everything off with a smooth and tasty pina colada.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
As would be expected, his reaction to that was a great lot of sneering and sidelong glances. Come on!
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Everyone was gathering into little groups to avoid talking to him. Then suddenly he came toward us and said, "I want my two dollars!" Panicking, I slept.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation. Only then can a person really have the courage to stand up before an audience and give a rallying speech. Make sure you have good posture and have a glass of water hidden under the blankets.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
Disappointed and frustrated, I determined that the cosine of a right angle is equal to the length of the adjacent line divided by the hypotenuse. and called the cops, thinking I was about to hang a hippopotamus.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
But we weren't done yet! Next we put the pastel cupcake wrappers in the muffin pan and put it in the larger mixing bowl.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
It made me want to go to San Antonio, Texas to visit Bonnie, Chad, Xander, Ethan, and their dog named all the cats in the neighborhood: "Stinky", "Spazzy", "Sissy McWeepington", "Sir Pukesalot", etc. It was obvious the dog was no fan of the cats! But he was a big fan of just taking a nap!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose. So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
First make a list and go to the grocery store. Peruse the aisles and be sure to pick out lots of fireworks to launch at random people and scare the daylights out of them!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
So anyone can decide tomorrow will be a new day and when you wake up, the first thing you should do is get an accountability partner. What's that, you say?
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Forthwith, they will be taken to the Salvation Army depot. From there they will be handed out to homeless people. What will they do with them? Obviously, they will put them in the refrigerator asap.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Now what?! I went outside to get a fresh bucket of water, just in case it catches fire. With all the precautions in place, I threw caution to the wind and went for a spin in my Lamborghini Murcielago. sign because the fuzzy dize were blocking my view, and unfortunately the odor was overpowering.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
But they're just acting. They're just lying there waiting to be strung from shrub to shrub. Let's get going!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint. I can see how that would help, considering I had lost my contact lenses. Down on my hands and knees searching for them I found instead two strange-looking rocks.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
They needed to be brave, intuitive, and ambitious! So I picked these three people: Gandhi, Einstein, and Owen Wilson. I figured that third choice made perfect sense because he had just eaten a loaf of bread the size of his head. He then extemporaneously launched into song.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game! Why if I had not been concentrating, my handsome hero would surely have fallen into debt.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Maybe he went into the 3D theater by mistake. If he did, and he doesn't realize he doesn't have his polarizing glasses on, he's in for a headache.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home. sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great? Then you need to put your feet up sometimes.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper. To get to level 2 he has to upgrade his shoes; one way to do this is to plod along methodically, but some people work better after they have cleansed their systems with special vegetarian drinks made with pureed kale.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
It only takes a spark to get a fire going so they could have a giant Humpty-Dumpty omlette! HAHAHA!! There may be more to eat than even all the king's men can handle.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Someone must have manually opened the seal! Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust. Then you will be safely high enough to escape the impending tsunami.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
I thought about selling it on Ebay, then decided I should have it hermetically sealed in a glass case for prosterity, but in a flash, it was gone; Xander had snatched it out of my hands and devoured it.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Clearly the only thing to do now is have seconds! But just as I was about pile up my plate with some lovely decorated Rainbow Pony cupcakes were left at my doorstep! I wonder who brought them? Could it have been that I had made them myself and forgotten? At any rate, there was nothing to do now but include them in the meal.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Slather it with A1 Steak Sauce! Then you will probably start to feel hungry enough to make yourself a big bowl of hot shut the hell up. When I heard that City of Heroes was in danger of shutting down, I got so mad that I slammed the door; the shock rattled the shelf and down to the floor fell a beaker full of precious golden rings.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The stewardess offered us complimentary drinks as bubbly as she was. Before anyone would take any of the glistening, tempting flutes, I barked, "NO. That's not champagne. It's actually going to be a Midnight Madness Sale and we will certainly be going to it and after that we want to get a bite to eat at the newly opened wormhole in the fabric of space!"
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
You see them on TV coming out in the dark of night searching for brains to eat. When you see them coming you must floor it! "Eat my dust, turkeys!" I yelled out the window as the car shot out of the stocking which was hanging on the mantle. I heard a rustling in the chimney, an looked up and saw a huge SALE sign!!!
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
It scared me so badly that I screamed, " Where's my money, you silly stupid old fool?" Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
They specialize in sneaky stuff like letting the air out of the sweatband of the hat where I found a secret note!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
That was something else. It all started when Ethan ran into the living room to take a swing in Greg's new hanging chair, only to discover that he had forgotten his Prozac.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Rhonda exclaimed, "While you're in there, why don't you get me a metal prod so I can get behind the eyeball and repair the side of my car that the guy smashed into when he was trying to park, cuz he couldn't see worth a darn."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
It looked like an experiment by Dr. Vahzilok, or maybe the Council's attempts to try jumping over tall buildings was exceedingly successful, plus those mean old Outcasts failed to stop the arch-villain before his master plan was unveiled!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
OH NO, I must not die. In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down! And I hadn't saved my game! I was so mad! I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
That was close! My chrysanthemums were only slightly singed. Relieved, I filled in the big hole dug by the groundhog, and on top of that dirt I put a big flat tire in the middle of the garden, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Wow, the fur did fly! Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town"
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Maybe it's because they accidentily stitched him up with tools still inside his abdominal cavity! It wouldn't have been the first time. They quietly ordered an X-ray of his brain, completely unsure what the bulge was. They were pretty sure though that the X-ray would show the presence of decades-old cysts the size of walnuts.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
Fortunately, I was wearing my Kevlar vest and it bounced off! It left a mighty bruise, though, and hurt like crazy, so I let out a yell that sounded like a pickup truck, headed straight for me!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
Show me your passport." And I hope you have it, because it's important when traveling to be able to drink hot tea with the little finger in the air.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
It became the Christmas Toast. We put it in hyperdrive and watched with glee, when it started to spark and sizzle from all the electricity coursing through it.
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Now all that was left to do was to put a new CD in the stereo that had been playing all the music all along.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon. For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptuous dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat. She wasn't paying attention and drifted into the oncoming lane!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
The new kitchen at Mc Donald's could satisfy even a barnyard full of swine. That's why we never eat at McDonald's anymore! It would seem that fast-food production was more streamlined and technology-driven than even Dilbert could ever imagine!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts! If there are any chocolate creme ones, those are mine.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Into a million pieces of pillow filling! bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test. Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Because you don't want to get scurvy when you're halfway to getting your Junior Astronaut degree!
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do! I couldn't believe it!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television." (laugh track) "To start with, crack these eggs, whip them up, and blend them into your stock pot.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
This is a job I am not looking forward to, but it has to be done. I have 2 potty chairs, 2 bags of M&M's, and 2 bags of gummy bears to use as positive reinforcement!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
As if on cue, the voice of Jackie Gleason could be heard exclaiming, "You're going too fast!" But think about it, how are you going to avoid that big traffic jam up ahead?
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
In fact it cost a dollar. The cigarette lighter cost a dollar. The foil pinwheel toy cost a dollar. In fact, everything* we bought cost a dollar!*
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Could this be a misprint?!! Just to be sure I put my glasses on and then I could see my feet! "Hello, toes! Haven't seen you in so long!" Ha, Ha! This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Soon the hordes would be here. I was a little nervous, because this was my very first yard sale. I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
But as soon as I stood up, my head hit the ceiling! and take off my lucky socks.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Can you tell that I am a MENSA member? My IQ is higher than my weight." "Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said!
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
But when I got there, the doctor said "Ma'am, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how you're supposed to wear the hospital gown."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
It will spark so much interest, you'll be building the biggest mega-cat-condo in the world! All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
"Hey! Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully! If you don't do it correctly, you will have me to deal with!"
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
It must have been 30 feet into the air. We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
he said, "I know you're not in it for the money. We always like to see people like you come through the door.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
a SHRUBBERY! Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment. After all, who would know that the slacker pizza cook would just put a smattering of cheese on my pizza! He even missed a couple spots!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
and on the back it would say "got r00t?" Then everyone will know that you grew up in the Sixties. We can tell because your clothes look so cool, they have to be made in Greenland by eskimos.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
Obviously some of the rest of us are entitled to a piece of the action. So here's the plan: Rent a storefront, buy some coffee beans, and to grind them, buy a big muffin. The bigger the better. The biggest I've ever seen. In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull! "They really ought to do something about that!"
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
To the Toiletmobile!" Captain Underpants and his sidekick Angel Soft jumped in the vehicle, and roared off to the water treatment plant! Unfortunately, once they got there, they discovered that Colonel Colon had eaten ALL the Grape-Nuts!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
She would also eat a lot more lettuce! With a healthier diet, lifting weights, power walking, and balacing my checkbook on time so that I know I have enough money to buy some new underwear! Whew! Now I won't be embarrassed if I get in a car accident! That brings me to my next resolution: Not to get in any speed traps and not to get in any arguments with a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
This team of friends had agreed to buy all the ingredients to make homemade pizza. So before they went to the store they made a list of ingredients: Trix cereal, cinnamon bun, chocolate milk, and peanut butter cookies!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky. Why they were huge! They were as big as beanbag chairs!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
You know everyone just loves those boxes of styrofoam peanuts. Find someone who has a fan blowing in their room, dump the box, and watch the fun! Hundreds of kids having a present wrapping contest.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
Around and around they went. Soon their faces matched their chartreuse skin with their pointy ears and antennae.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place. Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life? None of this makes sense to me. To help me I think I'll ask the bartender.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Then I took it and gingerly brushed away the centuries of dust to discover that there in my own hand I held the actual genuine ignition key that went to the landscaper's riding lawnmower.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I'm going to climb up to the top shelf and get one myself! With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet. But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. That will add good protein without making you feel overfull. Eat quickly, and that saltine cracker will be gone before you know it. Now you may eat one Goldfish cracker. Next, eat some ice cream.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
"You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" and this time, do it right. "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind." I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
When it was over, Barrister lay there panting. Feathers were flying everywhere. Tiny blood spatters covered his face with his hands, as he heard the prison warden approaching. A heartless, cruel man, the warden was well-known for his ferocity in battle.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
My friends and I decided to have a carwash this weekend, in order to raise money for the prom! The theme this year was Election Year Falderall! We brought out the banners of red, white, and blue. We brought out the banners of elephants and donkeys. We even brougnt out the banners of eye-catching, colorful cloth were tied up in various locations around the perimeter of the parking lot for the purpose of raising money for the annual sack race.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse. "MO---om! Mom! Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I'm cracking up! I need to stop and take a break. I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold. It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!" Who knows how long that had been there!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
No one knew what to do. Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, " IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?!" Bricks were flying , windows shattering, the asphalt rippled and disintegrated with every impact.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
"Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!" she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned. I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!"
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head!
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Why one of them was playing the saxophone, and the tune was " Thus Spoke Zoroaster", from "2001: A Space Odyssey". And then, it was time for an ad. A man appeared holding a microphone in the face of John Kerry so close that his nose was almost all the way to the back of his head!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one. When the alarm sounded, the inspector pulled aside a tall glass of iced tea!
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience. Then, the dancers to the sides move toward the center, and the dancers in the center move you must do a somersault, ending in a backflip, and still have enough energy left to do four running leaps diagonally across the dance floor.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I noticed a stream of urine running down the side of the cavern wall. the Minotaur King was relieving himself right above us!" I whispered back, "Now's our chance!"
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
With that, he picked up a huge axe and smashed it into the table! "You overcharged me for that GI Joe figure!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Being a cop isn't easy, and it isn't any easier at the Downtown Precinct. This is the roughest part of town, and I know it all too well. I'm Powers. Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
I dragged him inside and tried to put him to sleep so the vet and I could operate. We had a hard time because he was so fat. The fat seemed to absorb the knockout juice. But we succeeded when we gave him a big dose of what for! we chortled. "Next time you'll know better!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Immediately we saw Jeff Goldblum! We wanted to get his autograph, but he ran right past us, screaming in terror.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
(Blam! Blam! Blam!) Oops, that was Roger and June's night light! Oh well, moving right along, discarding a few weeds here, a few dead leaves there, soon your garden will look like crap.
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
He couldn't hear her, either, but he knew she was talking because her lips were moving. But he could not hear her! Weird! He must have deafened himself with the loud engines he was working on. Now she was getting mad because he wasn't answering her.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Digging a hole in the sand, they lay down some firewood. They placed the cooking pan in the outdoor oven which the Ruwandans had built with stone and layers of crushed bones were all that remained of those who opposed the formation of the International Village. Hauptmann Gestapo addressed those in attendance, saying, "
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
For example, when I offered a little old lady my seat on a bus, she exclaimed, " Where's that music coming from? It seems to be all around us!" She was right; the very air seems to be immersed in vaporized perfume. How can they taste all the gourmet food when there's body odor attempting to hide under copious perfume everywhere you turn?
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
So Xander hurried over there and ordered a big Mac with cheese and extra ketchup and Great Biggie Fries.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
But be that as it may, I will help continue it: And the second fact is that when I was growing up we did not call them farts. We called them poots.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
We thought that was a strange thing to do, because we had already just finished doing 100 push-ups. Needless to say, we were pretty exhausted, and ready for a break. We cautiously asked the drill sargeant if he would let us have some more corned beef hash before we had to do another 100 push-ups.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
How could this be? Every other time the food had tasted fresh and good. Maybe it was because the cook turned out to be an ex-con.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I could see that there were old professors lying around everywhere. Some were nibbling jelly doughnuts and drinking coffee; some perusing the Wall Street Journal, and some were just livid that tuition had gone up again.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Only one person is the exception to this rule, and that person would be Mr. Martin, the postman.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
That explained the pleasant, Southern-style, down home-cooking smell! he said, "I gotta get tickets for my next vacation.
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!"
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
Alas, every book in the entire library was checked out. Now what?! I guess we will have to go to the comic book store. And when we get there I will buy some sense, and gift-wrap it and give it to you! What were you thinking when you used your peanut butter sandwich as a bookmark?!! Now this book looks like a bunch of crap.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
What had happened?! We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
It stinks, it's dripping with grease, and it makes me want to take a dump in every last car you got. I'm gonna pee on your counter, I'm gonna do it all. Let you know how it feels. And so it was time to clean that greasy, baconbit-encrusted grill. First off, turn it on low, then squirt it with liquified meat product.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
"How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!" He stealthily lunged out from under cover, and they immediately began shooting 360 degrees around their location, blowing away over half the threat in the first 4 seconds.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
He had just finished reading the latest reports, which said The bottom is dropping out of the Stock Market! And no one seems to know why! One theory is that blue chip stocks are always a recommended buy. Unless they're going down. In which case, he proceeded to sweep up all the ticker tape from the Exchange floor.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Who would have believed that we, untrained as astronauts, could really take a trip to the hobby store, to see what the biggest rocket motor available was.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
But Barrister denied that his client had done any real wrong. The prosecutor, Miss Na Tasha scrambled up fuming.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
This could only mean one thing, the subjects for the theses were all wrong! Gromit, they are all wrong! What will the students do now? They must reevaluate and find a better deal on a used car.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Considering his cache of armor, he chose a shield, a big one, because his heart was gripped with fear that he would become dragon food: flame-broiled, crispy baby back ribs smothered in a tempting and tasty blanket of spicy hot peppers and smothered in cheese! He didn't want to be so anal-retentive, so he stopped himself from measuring his head to make sure the part was exactly in the middle.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
And the best place for that will be in the kitchen, where the food is.