Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Was I even hungry? And was breakfast the appropriate meal for this time? I looked at the clock, and suddenly realized! It's summer! That must explain why we always want to have a picnic with friends and family. And when I finally checked the calendar, I realized our next house is going to need multiple fireplaces, because that last winter was a doozy!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
The bottle spiraled through the air, reflecting their horrified faces as it sailed by. No one was able to react in time, and it landed, with a hollow skitter-clatter, on the tile floor, impossibly unbroken.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head. Tensed, he listened and his eyes sparked. He recognized that sound. Infuriated, he snorted, and the breath was visible in the cold air. The hills echoed with his bellow of rage, and remnants of soft verses of Psalmic peace.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Most people's mud rooms have a bench where you can sit down and take off your muddy boots before you go into the house.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
How did that get there? Who walked the dogs last?? Don't they realize the dishwasher is broken and look at all these dirty dishes! Plus I have a bandaged hand because I cut myself with a rusty barbecue smoker borrowed from a neighbor. It would take at least 16 hours to lambaste the turkey....
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
They werr also known for making excellent fried fish in a delightful lemon sauce. Served with a nice dry white, can of Rustoleum spray paint.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
While you're there, make sure you order at least one latte and sit by a window as you watch go by the wayside. And you can't help but wonder, " Will these trolls ever leave me alone? Don't they have anything better to do than trolling people in the middle of the night?"
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
It was right now! I'm so thirsty I feel like I could drink ALL the soda. I jumped to my feet and cried out because I hit my head on an overhanging tree branch! As I held my hand to the hurty spot, all I could manage to say was I am ready for a real hamburger with all the fixings.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
So I made a catnip tea and put out 2 bowls of it. After drinking their fill...woohoo! they then proceeded to let loose a tremendous battle cry, striking fear into the hearts of their enemies.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
Bridge was the broadest of wrestlers in the league, and about twice as wide as a mere mortal. He tried not to walk sideways to get through most doorways but he had to anyway, and he took in stride when the rest of us ribbed him about it.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
We must keep up our strength while we do all this wrapping! Please, help yourself to another cup of egg nog. Now have a seat and relax. Lean back and contemplate what you are going to do next: wrap more presents, or eat ALL the Christmas cookies. Oooh, there's a whole jug of egg nog!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
It's got vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Everything your body needs. But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
He'll probably say, "You dunderhead! Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" Now what? Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there! It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Mesmerized, we ate popcorn and drank beer while the spectacle continued. Eventually we ran out of mushroom booze. Granted, the stuff makes you hallucinate, but it tastes like liquid gold. I couldn't imagine walking one more mile without at least a gallon of the stuff on hand, so I started scrounging around for old rags to wipe up the spilled lemonade and the big pool of melted popsicles.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Wild animals belong back in their natural habitats which could be the jungle, savannah, or maybe the deep, dark secrets of the mind. Who knows what lurks within the heart of man?
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
I mean there were a lot of people here, and it looked as if every single one of them had brought their A-game. They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
A single tear traced a path through the dust on my cheek. I reached out to put the flowers atop the tombstone, only to find that squirrels had eaten them while I wasn't looking.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
What's going on?" And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I'm starving!!! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do...
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all. Not only were the kids running around like crazy, the adults were really getting hungry and with the hunger came grumpiness. but then I realized he was listening to praise music on his earbuds and singing along.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Using ribbon and shrink wrap, I wrapped up all the junk I had found into neat little parcels and then advertised them on Ebay as "Mystery Gifts".
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Just to get some peace to study, Xander decided to make some ear plugs. But all he could find to make them with was paper mache'. But he ran out of that, too, and didn't have any more newspapers to soupify to make more, so he started tearing pages of his roommate's textbook.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
He looked at me like I was an idiot. he said as we sped toward the marina. When we got there, a huge fog bank rolled in, and it looked really scary, so we waited until the sun went down.
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. she said gravely, "It is real." "It's not real!" I shouted.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
The 5 colors I picked were black, navy blue, charcoal gray, gray, and maroon. There will be no danger of wearing dirty clothes again!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
One never wants to run out of Beefaroni and Coke Zero. You know before you get snowed in you should stock up on Cheetos and Cherry Smash!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
Before we left Bonnie go garnished with parsley and those mini hot peppers. But, they were so hungry that they did not have enough cash to pay for the purchases at Costco, so they emptied all their pockets and ended up with the dollar amount of $ 4, payable in two Thomas Jefferson bills.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
I started avidly looking for it, and found it just where I had hidden it: inside a box. And that box was hidden inside the computer tower!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
And that is what we advertise at our little roadside stand. We positioned it right at the end of a row of green beans. !!! That way it will be super-easy to make tons of money selling homemade compost !! Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink !
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Here comes the guy with the mop now ! He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl. Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice. Talk about getting ready to fall! Getting ready for falling? Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
It should definitely work for slow-moving targets such as a sloth, but you could run into problems if you taught math class in middle school...hahaha.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
And Danny exclaimed, " They're HUGE!" Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
It seemed to be moving by itself! Then through a little crack in the sugary glaze I saw several disgusting guests on late-night talk shows. They were rude, slovenly, and told rambling, barely-coherent stories about parasites. You should be careful about what you watch on TV before you go to bed.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
We can start a new contract for you and bill it to the nearest patriarch." Another important thing to think about is how are you going to protect your phone from accidental impacts? For that, you probably want to consider buying a 15,000 amp generator. Who knows when another hurricane will come through or maybe an ice storm?
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I picked the lasagna and doused it with balsamic vinaigrette. As a finishing touch, he sprinkled on some red pepper flakes, chopped up jalapeno peppers, and just a splash of vodka.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow. But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Exquisitely beautiful, on the very top, there balanced a gymnast who was trying out for the Olympics!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really? The clear sky released the oppressive heat, and stars started to blink on. I knew they only SEEMED closer...or were they really? It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
Animals you could expect to see include Kangaroos and Koala Bears! They are so cute. If I tried to take a Koala cub home, I am sure the airport authorities would introduce me to Connor Trinneer, AKA Trip Tucker from Star Trek: Enterprise! I got my autograph book ready, and waited and waited and waited.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
on every paper except one, on which she wrote: "100%" She felt pleased whenever the students got all the questions right. She also liked to tell them what nutritional snacks to choose. So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Where are those lint rollers?? I am sure I put them in the sock drawer, next to the loaded gun. It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
And habanero sauce! And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific. For example, don't just say that you're going to lose weight.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Obviously, they will put them in the refrigerator asap. Chop! Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses. Or was it maple syrup?
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Where is that awful stink coming from?? My nose led me to the conclusion that we should call a plumber.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
My favorite part about Christmas decorations is how the lights cheer up the dark winter nights. You'll be driving along and see millions of lights! They must be coming from Harbor Hills Drive! I put my car in first gear and turned onto the street and then what came toward me was a car with a Rudolph nose on the grill and antlers every where!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
I stepped cautiously toward them, and suddenly they ran up the incline as fast as they could! Bursting through the opening, they couldn't believe their eyes: the new wireless mouse was growing fur and teeth !!!!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
So I picked these three people: Gandhi, Einstein, and Owen Wilson. I figured that third choice made perfect sense because he had just eaten a loaf of bread the size of his head.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
This spa was my favorite. It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!! We have only so many square inches of skin! Plus during the heat of the day we will be under the gun to finish all fun and games we'd been planning on having a big family picnic; so we called everyone and asked them each to bring a basket of posies, so we could dance around them and sing morbid songs about the bubonic plague.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
What a garbled mess this has become!!! At least I was able to kill all the drop bears and goblins, well, sort of, I guess."
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
If he did, and he doesn't realize he doesn't have his polarizing glasses on, he's in for a headache. A bad one. So bad, that I wanted to dump my popcorn on the floor, but instead I decided to run as fast as I could!!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Fortunately, I landed on my feet on a big pile of money. I said "Gimme that money!" But he said, You are under arrest! Face down on the ground!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
The heat that radiated from their cavernous maws surged over us like a hurricane of pain. We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure. Nearby there was a lurking police car. People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
He yelled, " HEY!! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV. We went to the dealership, looked into the showroom, and we saw a brand spanking new Interstellar G9X Ion-Charged Singularity Accelerator. This thing could wipe out a whole solar system.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
I could smell what could only be described as vast quantities of Mexican food nearby. My mouth began to water and I ran for the ramp for the plane, but just as I reached it, they started pulling up the stairs, and then I loudly screamed, " HOW CAN THIS BE SO COMPLICATED?!?!?!"
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
:( The sound of fall is wind blowing rustling leaves. The soft summer breeze has become crispy. I know when I hear that sound, it means someone's at the door.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
It's not chopped beef, it's chopped steak! So don't ruin it with plain ol' ketchup. Slather it with A1 Steak Sauce!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
So I stuck out my thumb and hoped for the best. Believe it or not down the road came a knick-knack, paddywack, give a dog a wrapped-up box of chew bones and when he tears the wrapper off he will bite into a raw onion! Now he has great breath! (Muhahahaha) He also has another present hidden in the glove box of his car.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
We are running out of time! We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage. ice cream.... There was no time for making pizza. We are running out of time!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket. There was a lot, but I managed to get it all stuffed in.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
Get out! who had just walked in with a tray of hot biscuits. she exclaimed, "I don't want any goopie stuff flying into my face! I know! I will make a shield out of strips of flank steak. We'll marinate them in 4 ounces of gooey, green, groddy BRAINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net. Unfortunately she could not bear to get rid of anything after all the decluttering, so she proceeded systematically to attack the zombies!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
So we walked to the Beatific Bonnet Boutique, looked in the window, and saw just what we wanted: a winning lottery ticket!
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Xander exclaimed, " I am so hungry I could eat a WHOLE pizza!" When the nephews opened it, they found an enormous pile of puke the cats had upchucked!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
He pointed at it and exclaimed "What is a laser anyway? Will it hurt?!! Could it possibly lead to early development of cataracts? I need to know because who wants to be blind for the rest of his life?!!"
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
He needed to go up a level in a hurry! Those thugs were too powerful.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I got home, opened the box, and inside I saw a giant strawberry! I could use it to make dessert with. I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills. That was easy. Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble. They were 30 feet tall, 2 feet wide, and frankly they stink and I don't want them in my garden anymore. Away with you! I've got half a mind to take a nap in the nearby hammock. Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
More killin' means more XP and loot, which I'll need in order to keep the cats off the floor I built a neat wooden dining table complete with a covering of Chee-tohs dust.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
They cheered, they waved, and they put the pedal to the metal and zoomed past the hidden radar. Quick as a wink, they saw blue lights in the rear view mirrors, so they hightailed it across the state, carefully avoiding known speed traps, living off of coffee and Slim Jims, and sleeping in the car in Wal-Mart parking lots.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Watch me make this incision, and I don't want anybody to cry when I'm gone. I've lived a long, full life and don't have any regrets. What I want is for all this bleeding to stop!"
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. That turns out to be the best part of the day for me because he makes me feel like I'm in control of my financial destiny.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
The engine roared, branches of trees could be heard snapping as it swiveled and spun with greater and greater speed making me feel terribly dizzy and causing me to start coughing and hacking like I had tuberculosis or something.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
And et, und, et cetera. I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph. Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer...
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
I promise to stay out of your way, and believe me, you'll never know that I used a degreazor! It looks brand new! It's so sparkly, it must be alive! I wondered what would happen if I touched it, so I did. And guess what happened?!! = It exploded with the force of a 1,000 thermonuclear bombs, carving a massive crater out of the side of the moon and creating a ring around the earth, which persisted forever and ever.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
Now all that was left to do was to put a new CD in the stereo that had been playing all the music all along. Nonchalantly, they looked around for the nearest restroom, not wanting to look in dire need, even though they certainly felt satisfied!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side).
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
I first used it to wipe my nose. I needed no distractions ,I had to be totally focused because of the traffic snarls, the icy streets, and the crazy dudes out front with the pots and handbells.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
"It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!" I considered this innovation.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
When we counted them we ended up with 1,416 pumpkins. That was more than enough to make some pumplin pie. We made enough for 50 people! So we invited the whole neighborhood, and when they all showed up we gave them a couple bucks and told them to go fetch us a newspaper.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game. Because clothes make the man. That's why I wear dorky clothes and spike my hair with glittery gel. Who knows? I might be spotted by the next agency of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy. I stepped through the door and fell through a hole in the floor!
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
Bibbidi Time for launch of the Mars Express I rocket was drawing near. We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Does anyone clean the keys? NO! And if someone did, he would probably use DOS! Or Windows 3.1!! Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do! I couldn't believe it!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
You should decorate it with a little truffle trifle." "Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta!
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
We went to Outdoor World and found 2 very dirty diapers behind the bookcase. Ewww! Smelly!
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
There's no way I am going to invite those idiots to my birthday party so they can eat all my gourmet pastries were sitting on the counter, and I reached for the mop to bang on the ceiling.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
The car was packed to the gills with all sorts of gear for the trip: camera, food, maps, you name it. But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Bush! red, white, and blue streaks were all we could see of the cars! They were going so fast, the asphalt was melting. The pavement started to get sticky, and that made the tires start to melt. I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof. Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
It might surprise you how much water you use just taking a shower. With all that water you could probably survive by drinking sand. You never know until you try! Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
It rattles. There's a warning label. You give it to somebody, and when they open it, 20 bullfrogs will jump out! Won't they be surprised.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Don't be alarmed at a change in plans, just make your face like flint, give it full throttle and close your eyes! Now the fun begins! The co-pilot thought I was kidding, but far be it from me to let him know what was really going on.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM! she said, "I just can't relax unless I know that you have other clothes to wear besides one bearing logos and movie quips from Star Wars, Star Trek, Tron and Hackers, I'll never go out with you!"
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
Your choice." But that's OK-- we can replace it with saline, or I can tell you about our latest experiment: something we've been growing in the lab.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Because seconds later, all the cats were fast asleep! "That's an unexpected surprise!" "What?!" "Well, you didn't expect him to throw up on it, did you? Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife. It was the best thing I could think of to prevent the neighbor's cats from invading and taking over the condo.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
Five minutes later the glue had hardened like week-old oatmeal. And not Quaker Oatmeal, either; I'm talking about cheap, store-brand tools! They wear out or break even before you've finished one project!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
I plugged it in and turned it on, but nothing happened. I just stood there for a second because I was so amazed that a ruptured gas line could shoot flames that high! It must have been 30 feet into the air. We were all standing around when the septic tank pumper truck pulled up.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I'll be the best Space Marine you've ever seen, I promise! Now please repeat your name very slowly. Because I have short-term memory loss, you may even have to punch the button repeatedly to make it work, okay?"
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
They're in for a big surprise because our landing wheels won't come down. I think we are going to have a very bumpy landing! Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I came into this world a nobody, but I'm going to leave happy. Yes siree! No one can take the smile off my face! It's going to stay there until you get a good principal!"
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
"Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
It is just gross to think about: Imagine those slimy, writhing creatures on a plate of lead-free pewter. We're going for a minimalist look here: clean lines, neutral colors.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
She flipped right over the counter! One shoe came off and smacked a customer in the face!
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Now bring me a mug of cold frosty beer! Wow, would that hit the spot!" He grinned with satisfaction at the thought of running up to that hoity-toity aristocrat woman and bumping her right into the pool.
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
My face was reddening by the second. Before much longer I would surely be able to flush it all down with this high-flow toilet! I pushed the lever and water erupted from the white platform. That's when I realized: it was a giant bidet! But to use a bidet this large, someone would have to have a butt the size of a pouf chair which happened to be covered with at least an inch of freeze-dried shrimp had rained down onto the roadway.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
We must improve our health! So we're focusing on diet, exercise, stress management and decluttering of house, home, and mind. A big job, but somebody's got to do it, and it might as well be YOU! I mean what are we here for? We must improve our health!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
Lieutenant Leotard and his gymnastic Cadre of Doom were attacking the Mars Landing Base. Bam! Bam! The rockets landed with a great sound like a car crash!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Now what? There was only one solution: activate the fleet of snowmobiles! Racing to the garages, we poured out bag after bag of cat litter in order to absorb the neutrons from the nuclear fission reaction. It was going to go critical!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
The A/C was cranked up (or is it down?), fortunately. I had some ice cream and once I was cooled off I ran back outside to warm up. Ah the warm desert air blowing from the west, bringing with it a great deal of heat.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I have a wallet full of money and all kinds of sales to go to. I must make a list of people whom I want to give back to the community. My present to them will be 40 hours of community service.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel? I just want to be sure to put my makeup on right this time. To help me, I want to ask Mr. Trump if he will sponsor our expo. we'll be able to afford all the makeup we will ever need.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
None of this makes sense to me. To help me I think I'll ask the bartender. "What do you recommend?" He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before stomping on the gas pedal and screaming out of the parking lot like a bat out of H-E-double hockey sticks.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
"I don't know, let's taste one and see. Yummy! They are still good after all these years!
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I had enough to make two layers. And then I wallpapered the bathroom with all my receipts from Lowe's... I had enough to make two layers.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Now you may eat one Goldfish cracker. Next, eat some ice cream. This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section!
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
That's why I needed an expert carpenter. Once you start getting creative you can envision new shapes for rooms. For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Death was the order of the day (I suppose you could call a hamburger and french fries that!) Anyway who cares? Ultimate Ninja II would want everyone to remain respectfully quiet. Each fully dressed fighter was armed with daggers, leather lashers, and 4 or 5 weapons...per hand!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry. So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
We got right to work cleaning our whiskers after eating all those fish heads. Wow-Meow! Were they delicious! Now I just want to lie down in the sun and dream about life beyond these four gray walls. He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal. The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Then he stuck a fork in an electrical outlet. This caused him to emit a strange growl-like sound from the base of his throat. Disturbed, I asked him, " What blood type are you? You know I think I can analyze your problem. Can you give me a sample of your artwork. Our analysis of that will give us a lot of insight into your mental problems."
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
He stuck his face near, took a deep smell, and yelled, "I know exactly what it is! It's American cheese that you saved to see if it would decompose!" "Oh, yeah! That's right! It looks like plastic poop; you know that artificial dog poop that you fool people with?
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!" Luckily no one was eating at the time. The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
A bundle of sticks is not easily glued together to make a log cabin for a school project. In fact, to collect all the sticks needed, the teachers and parents had to come to some sort of agreement. The parents wanted some say in the content of the curriculum, while the teachers wanted a billiard table and a wet bar.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
But we controlled ourselves and decided to give him the riot act. He was behaving like a crazy judge out to block anyone and everyone from winning a blue ribbon, much less the coveted county prize: the purple ribbon.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
The editor asked, "What's the matter?" "Can't you see that the weatherman hasn't arrived yet?!! What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape. WHo had it last?" We all started to eat our noontime sandwiches.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Oooh! But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers. Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
First Boppy left Gloucester and headed to the airport. On the way Papaw and Boppy picked up Uncle Greg who lived in a cardboard box that a bigscreen TV had come in. A little window was cut out of the side. Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you. The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it. So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar. It slid between the scales of the Minotaur King's armor and plunged deep into its side.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
"You overcharged me for that GI Joe figure! Now, YOU'RE gonna pay!" I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves. As the dust settled and my panic eased, I calmly put my .357 Magnum back in its holster and continued my search for stuffed moose heads to hang on my office wall.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
We might even end up with hemmorhoids so bad we won't even be able to sit down. declared Paspartout with a rakish grin. We laughed and laughed; Men wearing hula skirts! It was so funny. When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams! They were all holding uzis!
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
The fact that I'm addicted to placebos doesn't make it any easier. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference. I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Put the handcuffs on and lead me away. But first give me that first phone call, because I am going to call my partner.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Then it's time to eat! And when you're done with that, go fetch us some more sweet tea. Then it's time to eat! Here, take this bag of grass seed and scatter it around the dining table, in between the ham, biscuits 'n' gravy, grits, and cornbread.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Soon it would be dark and we would be in the dark with no flashlights. It was getting scarier by the minute, so we decided to resign ourselves to our fate. Surrounded, it was only a matter of time before we got turned into dino-hors d'ouevres. We sat down and caught our breath.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
More poisonous than a brown recluse, in fact! They're so poisonous, that instead of killing a person when the person eats it, this carnivorous plant, averaging 50 feet high, EATS PEOPLE!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
That's par for the course when you're in a motorcycle gang. Bonnie put on her leather jacket and her leather gloves; also her leather helmut, but around her neck she carefully wound a psychedelic silk parachute, which she used to land at Daytona Beach in the middle of about 100 bikers, with great fanfare.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
She called. "I've been looking all over for you!" She was distressed to see its hoof stuck between two rocks, but at the same time knew its mooing/braying for help was the only was she was able to find it so fast. She worked quickly to mix up the scones for the Scottish bakerycafe.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
The huge stained glass windows glowed from the sunshine outside. In the far corner we spotted a group of But enough about that. We hadn't been to a museum yet so we jumped up and headed for the closest Starbucks.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
exclaimed Bonnie. "But you don't have enough money to pay for that Spiderman suit and mask. Look in your other pockets and see if you can find any more Barbie dolls for Haley so she can play dolls with her sister and also with her cousin, Ethan."
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
The third fact is farts are stinky. Sometimes they can be REALLY stinky! And sometimes they're loud!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
Maybe then you can a member of this man's army." Seargeant Furlman was intimidating enough even without his gigantic handlebar mustache, but the fact that he would twirl the ends of it when he was mad at us always gave us a warning that bad things were coming.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Hundreds of them! Crate after crate of chicken nuggets! "This isn't right!" I exclaimed. "Pops doesn't sell chicken nuggets! Do we, guys?" He chuckled as he called over his shoulder to the crew.
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" "Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" I looked up at Max and said, "Do you know what this means?" "Yeah." Max replied. "ALL NIGHT FRAT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!" At that, the proctor had a massive heart attack and fell over, dead.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Dad said, "There's enough borax here to kill an elephant, or at least a raisin or a chocolate chip. But there was no food left to be found, not even a bagel crumb, or a mashed pea, not even an infinitesimal speck of dust on my floors!"
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
"That's terrible, who would have thought ice cream could melt so fast! Hurry we need to try to refreeze it! And to do that we need some sunscreen lotion, beach towels, and volleyballs, and of course food. Don't forget the food." So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up. What a relief!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
But the weather report was not so good, so when they looked up into the sky they saw not only the police helicopters arriving in the distance as reinforcements, but also the vultures had already started circling. "Hide under the trees!" I shouted. "Stay still and don't move a muscle.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
Yeah, just go sit on the pot and relax. Ha ha Then you can tell us all about it: why do you have the irrepressible need to straighten out the tassels at the ends of an area rug?" "I can't help it," Bonnie said, "Every time I see one, it makes me want to cry. I just can't help it.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
No one knew! It was stored in the ice cabinet marked "meat", right next to the fry basket in hot oil! "You'd better be careful or that might fall in in big vat of boiling hot french fry grease. It was popping out, splattering the wall and dripping down the side of his face and landing on the countertop with a "splat".
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Poor little things, all soaked and cold, she then took them one by one and gently rubbed them with a towel.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
And that motto was " Dance like no one's watching!" "I don't care what anyone thinks , real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!" With that, he jumped into the air doing a phoenix burning somersault, and launched himself into a flying killer leap, landing on his arch enemy and completely smashing his record for number of enemies smashed with a single swing of his Bayou Croc Crescent Kick.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Whatever you choose you must be willing to keep what you buy for at least a decade. Greg couldn't believe his jail sentence would be that long, but considering the number of his convictions, he knew he had jail time ahead.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
the officer replied, "It's the illegal immigrants, the aliens, we give them to. They bathe in artificial dihydrogen monoxide which was produced in a laboratory manned by hyper-intelligent mice. "You see," Sam explained, "they're almost as good as human researchers, but they get paid in cheese!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
But only an hour later, the King and all his countrymen gathered on the field of battle.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket. That's what the country's coming to. A parking lot here, a parking lot there, and pretty soon you've got some real evidence there! Let me get a closer look. Let me get a closer look too, said Barrister. But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
You have to stay up longer, study harder, and above all, pay attention to the teachah. Class is now in session, I'm gonna try 'n' reach ya. After the rap was over, Greg stood up and shouted, "There will be no discussion!"
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Rubbing her sore shoulder, she asked the nearest patron "What does a girl have to do to get some service around here?!" Her manner frightened the man somewhat, so he stammered Woo Baby, I just wet my pants! Guess I will have to stop laughing so hard at your funny eulogy.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Oh, how he had suffered without them! Now, long gone would be the pain. How he remembered when he had broken his wrist playing badmitton with an orc. Apparently the orc thought it would be pretty darn funny to replace the shuttlecock with a BRAND NEW CAR! THAT'S RIGHT! once he heard that, he knew the time was near.