Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
then I'll reply, "You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen!! You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
I welcome that as much as I welcome having more hours of daylight to work outside in the yard, there's also something to be said for the comfort of a sherpa blanket.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
This kind of lichen is edible! Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full. However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass! You can set it right next to this bigger can of Whoop-Ass!"
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking! Happy and relieved, we smiled and stepped through the revolving door only to be snagged into a continual rotation!
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is. I guess I could find out on my phone, but turkey grease had dripped all over it.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
And he doesn't know a thing about software unless it is his mitered hat, but that is kinda stiff. And shelves? He never puts anything away. Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens??
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
And one time this guy said to me, " Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?" I was so frustrated because it seemed like I had been so close to finishing! All I had left to do was type in my weight, and the computer quickly printed out a menu listing these choices: 1) Broiled troll leg with capers, 2) spicy troll soup with tortilla strips and shaved truffles, and 3) chopped troll with candied bacon bits and guacamole.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
We knew they were getting colder and colder all the time, and with the power out, we couldn't use the microwave to heat them up again.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Now, the weaponized and evolved robovacs had become an army, one which had a single purpose: to clean up the filth that is humanity.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
And the popping in my ears was like I had never felt before !
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
If you don't have your ribbons neatly wrapped on spools, at least don't rest anything heavy on them to crush them. In advance of your gift-wrapping day, make a list of who gave what so I could send them a thank you note. With each note I could include a handmade gift tag to indicate who it's from-and-to, but instead I'd really rather use this stick of dynamite!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
For good measure he also grabbed a can of whoopass should do the tric' Nevertheless, let us with all due diligence seek to find a pool of water or a stream or something to put the fire out!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Having trudged for miles upon miles through untamed wilderness, they at last collapsed as they reached the final step of their journey.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
Locked and loaded, I peeked out the cat door to see what all the commotion was about.... Sure enough, there was a bunch of money in there! It's a good thing I went through it or I would have missed finding all those old plastic machine guns. Man! What a find! I think they should be displayed in the Alamo gift shop!
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
I've tried to explain to them that this is my floor and I'd really appreciate if they stopped crapping on it, but it's like talking to a more experienced person.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I always carry them with me in case anyone needs them because they have a splinter or a tick or a stray unwanted hair, or in case they have a stray unwanted coyote wandering around, digging in the trash, chasing rabbits.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on! Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air. Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
Xander took me on an unhurried walking tour all around his campus.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
The winner would be able to do it with the least amount of elbow grease....and what a relief that was! Because who wants a elbow smothered in 100% maple syrup that was imported from Vermont. "Vermont?!" Betty exclaimed. "That's yankee territory! I don't want no yankee syrup.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
Some were clumped together, big and heavy, falling faster, so it seemed like they could probably walk down to the river if they put on heavy boots and around their necks they could wrap at least two hands around it!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Not me! I always like to sit down in a peaceful place to eat my pizza. But it is okay to have some background music like the theme music from the movie, " Saturday Night Fever"--it makes you want to dance, but you wouldn't admit to your high-society friends that you like it.
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
You don't want to get stuck with too much time on our hands, we decided just to go shopping. First we went to Cosco and loaded up on lots of wood glue, posterboard, hammers, and nuclear material.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Oh the bubbles. There were so many that we didn't know where to look! I told everybody, "Just remember how we rehearsed it: Keep smiling and always brush your teeth before you do. Buy a dentist-approved toothbrush and a big tube of t-shirts to shoot into the crowd!" everyone responded, with enthusiasm.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Welcome to Engineering Country!Now proceed into the Student Center where you will be issued a tote bag full of water guns.
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Were you trying to scrape wallpaper off with them or something? Have you no respect for running into the back of me?? Look at that big dent! Why, it is as big as a polar bear!
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
That's the second stump vine to die this season. I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
My mind started going through all the things I could be doing instead: playing Minecraft, watching Youtube videos, I could even see the stains had all but disappeared! What a great product! And the name of it was " Your dearest wish come true." Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
After they brought it, he strapped it on his chest. her suitcase, that is!
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I was ready to start my new life! Confronted with a mob of irritated neighbors, I ran back into the house and packed!
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The only way to cover that will be to file bankruptcy!! Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Apparently someone doesn't know how to use a manual transmission. It's okay, though, they'll clean up the spill on aisle 4. Here comes the guy with the mop now ! He agilely bent over and handed a bouquet of flowers to a little girl. Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
He roughly shoved me toward the edge of the precipice. Talk about getting ready to fall! Getting ready for falling? Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin. I was hoping to catch it before it fell into the raging river down below.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
Newsboys? More like Taitboys. Or DC Talk Redux." He switched to listening to Peter Furler Band instead and went to put some more shrimp on the barbie, then played footy with his mates until they got attacked by a pack of rabid dingoes.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight. I found the recipe in a plant book: You mix beer, baking soda, and then add a cup of Miracle-Gro.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Who puts that in a box of chocolate covered cherries. I picked one out and looked closely and crawling out of it, I saw a grayish-white shadow. I thought I could see through it. Was it a ghost? Uncertain, I reached out my hand and gingerly nudged the doughnut.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
Because if that happened we would all have to go back to writing cards and letters. How different that was! We had to wait days or weeks for an answer! Now we only have to wait to get the bill. I am on pins and needles.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Panicking, I slept. Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
It's great! The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling. I wonder if Danny Speight would let us borrow his passes to attend a free movie at Regal Cinemas at Kiln Creek.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow. But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite. Mmmmmmmm! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! But he was nervous! Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
But, noooooo oooooooooo. Oooooooooo. They don't accept senior citizens, teenagers, or Discover Card.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Well, she knew she never wanted the children to go hungry, so if anyone forgot his or her snack, I would gladly give him or her part of my granola bar. It's hard to work through meal time! Using all that brain power was very draining.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read. Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, Family Handyman, as well as buckets of confetti, streamers, and plenty of loud outfits that we got from the thrift store. They were cheap, but smelled like peppermint cocoa....yum !!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
W.C. Fields said that!" I exclaimed. "OK, now it's your best hope for improving your life. So what do you want? Do you want to take a trip to some exotic tropical island.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Next, take the scissors and curl the ribbon. Make sure every strand of ribbon is curled in a spiral and hangs down over the back of the tongue. "Uvula," I said, as I filled in the crossword puzzle. "Patina is the next clue," I pondered out loud, "9 letters, starts with a V."
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us. But the plumber was allergic to walnuts! He went into anaphylactic shock and died. Oh well, more brownies for us.
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
I exclaimed. "I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER." I stared quizzically at Vladimir Putin, who was in turn staring intensely at a full-size horse and licking his lips. With a glorious roar, he hefted it over his shoulders and tried to go through the front door.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious." Indeed, upon further observation, my screen was all smeared so I read up on the internet how to clean it, and it said to spray it with glow-in-the-dark paint.
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
But the funniest suggestion of all was to don't even worry about it, just go ahead and take some time to consider who you want to take with you.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels. Pack wisely, because the ants and mice can get into any little crevice to eat carefully prepared a series of dangerous, deadly traps leading up to my bathroom.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
How it had gotten in there. Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Kill it, kill it, KILL IT!!!!!" I was beginning to freak out a little because it was quite large, ugly AND smelly! There was no way to get out! I looked and looked for the EXIT sign, but all I saw was a blur. It never occurred to me to just tell the guy in front of me to turn off his cell phone screen.
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It's easier to keep track of distance that way. But this time I decided just to enjoy the moment.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
I thought, "That doesn't sound good for breakfast." For breakfast I would rather have one bar of dark chocolate than ten bars of "The Star-Spangled Banner". Taking a deep breath, I pulled in my stomach, stood on my tip toes and dived into the warm swaying sandworms that erupted from the dunes of Arrakis.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet! But by the time you finish your last task, you have run out of time and lost all your money causing you to giggle with delight. You know it's the little things in life that really matter, so go ahead and get an associate's degree in plumbing.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
The secret to winning the eating contest is, before the start bell sounds, separate out all the smallest lambs to put into the new Minecraft corral handily built by none other than Jack!
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
Someone must have manually opened the seal! Now contamination will leak into the pantry and make the sacks of flour wet and the cans of soup rust.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
Predictably, that place exploded like a blue-light special at K-Mart. During the bedlam, I ran out through the back, evading my pursuers and finding myself in a pickle. The car had broke down and I didn't have enough money for bus fare. I maybe had enough to get by without doing laundry.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Hah!" But it so happens that actually works out better, because Waffle House is open 24 hours! Even on Thanksgiving! Now doesn't a bacon Philly cheesesteak sound good right now instead of an ol' plastic one.
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Or sarsaparilla. Grenadine! Straight from the can! Deee-licious!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
"Champagne?" The stewardess offered us complimentary drinks as bubbly as she was.
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Now I'll never have to hunt for a tool again! Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages. There was no time for making pizza. We are running out of time! We want to get all this cleaned up and haul all the junk to the Gloucester Short Lane ice cream parlor, where we ate so much we could barely fit in our newly-reorganized garage.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
I could only find silver of course. I took the strands out of the bag and placed them one by one on the shooting gallery.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
But you have to hit them pretty hard to stop them, because they ate too many brains (!) which caused them to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Our story begins on a windy and cool, but bright, February day.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
Why their two heads reached all the way to the moon and back. Our first order of business was to hide in the bushes and squirt everybody who walked by with a big dose of NyQuil.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
First into each eye we will put some Vicodin in your hand. A couple of these and you won't feel a thing! I should know, I use them whenever I am doing brain surgery. One day I misplaced them and believe it or not I found them in the dumpster next to Chase Arbor Commons. Rhonda exclaimed, "While you're in there, why don't you get me a metal prod so I can get behind the eyeball and repair the side of my car that the guy smashed into when he was trying to park, cuz he couldn't see worth a darn."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
Run away! He jumped over a wall and landed in a huge pool of radioactive sludge. He was in a Vahzlizok strongold! He leapt to his feet, grinned from ear to ear and slammed the Death Wish Mortificator into the bottom of the Hydra's stomach.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
I could hardly wait to get home to play it! I got home, opened the box, and inside I saw a giant strawberry!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble. They were 30 feet tall, 2 feet wide, and frankly they stink and I don't want them in my garden anymore.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart! she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares. "Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!" It was the worst jumble of all, so I hid under the table and waited patiently.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
He never finished his sentence, however, because that biggy size hot chocolate just spilled in his lap! He swiftly landed in full view of the spectators that had gathered to watch the race!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
and these 2 lungs are the only ones you'll ever have, so you need to take care of them! And the best way to do that is to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible; otherwise the patient will ask for more Jello pudding than we can hope to provide.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off. The hilarity continued until who would walk through the door but Mr. Rogers, of Mr. Rogers Windows! "Hey folks! I'm Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills?
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!" I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
And et, und, et cetera. I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo. So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
He kept plugging in lights but instead of coming on, they would just explode like a long string a chinese firecrackers. Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle. It must have been dropped by an alphatrooper when he recovered from the blow to his head, he knew he would have to activate his quantum shields before it was too late!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
We rented a stretch limo and dressed up in our most fancy evening wear which we had just bought at the exclusive Shops at La Cantera. We'll be eating peanut butter and rice for a month!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels! I sure didn't want to end up there!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!" Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers. I tried to hit the button to open the drawer, but it really didn't matter if a few pickles fell on the floor.
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
What could be better? Our annual trek to the pumpkin patch had finally arrived and I was going to check out the gift shop. Meanwhile, the rest of the group went to the raspberry patch and had a raspberry war!! Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!"
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
sdfsdf sdfsdf No! It's swxswx! Is this a real story??!! What are you thinking?! = Waa waa waa waa I'm all out of cough syrup!!!!!!!! You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean?
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Does anyone clean the keys? NO! And if someone did, he would probably use DOS! Or Windows 3.1!! Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
"Eww!" I exclaimed. "Truffles smell like sweaty gym socks. They also will alleviate constipation, especially for people who eat a lot of pasta! This is so versatile, you can even use it to shell hard-boiled eggs.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
I think the best way would be to just act natural. That way we can glide more easily into the gulch, where we will be protected from the oncoming onslaught of tornadoes.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
I pulled my Mazda RX-8 into the pit stop. The clock was ticking and I was snoozing!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
With all that water you could probably survive by drinking sand. You never know until you try! Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished.
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Those chilly coins were a problem though, so we stunned them with electric shocks. After that they didn't need to mow the lawn! The grass was all mashed down, because all the people had found such great bargains, and were so delighted, they asked us if we would consider administering a state-wide network of yard sales from an executive highrise in Manhattan.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
And you know what that means! That means we will have to try to land at the closest airport we can find!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
Well you're a stupid head! And what's more, your nose is too much to resist.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I'm not very big so I must not have that much blood to filter, right?" The doctor sighed and took out the tongue depressor and inserted it into the patient's file. "It's good for us to keep a copy of your dental records and a listing of all intimate encounters you've had for the past 2 years."
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
They'll see little toy mice dangling from the penthouse roof. They will just love all the neat ideas I have come up with for their entertainment.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match. This has to be done very carefully!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Just a few more nails into the roof shingles and we will be sure to use the right tool this time. As we've found out, it's well worth the expense in order to avoid the old nests of mice and rats between the walls, we decided to install a urinal in every bathroom!
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
I said 'NO, you can't touch my eyeball! Get out of my office, you'll never be in the Space Marines!' Then I hung up and dialed the sheriff and asked him to come right away. Before I knew it, what should pull up in my driveway?!
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen. And it seemed to be getting closer! It might just be a squadron of Zentraedi fighters, looking for easy human prey!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
And I'm a winner! I'm also a plumber and I really like going under people's houses. You can find some strange things, like one time I found a fly in my soup so I killed the whole town. Another time I totally uppercut some guy because he opened a window."
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
The studio kitchen was sparkling, brand new appliances, and plenty of brandy. That helps takes the edge off when you get too stressed.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
You gotta have a belt with those pants if you don't want to be holding them up all day!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
What gives? Obviously some of the rest of us are entitled to a piece of the action. So here's the plan: Rent a storefront, buy some coffee beans, and to grind them, buy a big muffin. The bigger the better.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I think I should sit out the next one and work out a new lodging arrangement. and chuckled nervously. Our best course of action was to put on life jackets right away and line up next to the lady in the fancy hat. Just try to blend in. Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
The pressure was just too much. Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater.
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Why, you would have to walk at least 100 FEET if you park this far away! What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
I got up early so I could watch all my favorite cartoons! First they played some oldies like Mighty Mouse and Mickey Mouse. Then the network switched over to the ads, which are even louder and more frenetic than the shows!
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
The mood in the room instantly electrified. Tense, shrill voices, eyes bugging out, people running too and fro trying hard to see the meteor shower.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky. Why they were huge! They were as big as beanbag chairs! The kids were having a lot of fun batting them back and forth, but finally I had to call out to them, "Hey!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
Paper, ribbons, tape were flying everywhere. It was pandemonium. We knew we had to max out our credit cards immediately. That would not be too hard, since I'd already decided what to get for everyone. So I got out my list and crossed everything off. "Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!"
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel? I just want to be sure to put my makeup on right this time. To help me, I want to ask Mr. Trump if he will sponsor our expo. we'll be able to afford all the makeup we will ever need.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Other times, who knows? Will I be a n00b for the rest of my life? None of this makes sense to me. To help me I think I'll ask the bartender.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Mickie D's?" We did know for sure however that neanderthals did NOT eat Chicken McNuggets. And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!"
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
I yelled, "We need a pilot!...No, I mean a forklift driver!" And here he came wearing an apron with many pockets! I had to giggle because it reminded me of all the failed projects in the past.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
And that's when you'll need a tongue depresser and flashlight in order to look down your nose at people who weigh more than you do! God made all shapes and sizes and loves them all the same.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees!
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Even louder, he screamed, " GET LOSE!! YOU CANNOT COMPARE WITH MY POWERS!!" As powerful as he was, he couldn't resist by Cloud of Ten Lightning Fists. "For great justice!" I cried, and "All your base are belong to us!"
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I bet that would get more people to vote! You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN !
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Were they delicious! Now I just want to lie down in the sun and dream about life beyond these four gray walls. He had been locked up ages; he couldn't remember when he got his last rabies shot.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
Those girls are wearing bikinis! Go back! Go back!!" and waved the water hose in a circle over his head, splashing water on everyone nearby, including customers, classmates, and the whole board of supervisors joined in to hold hands, circle around, and sang Ring Around the Rosy.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
What's the big deal? And who has time to do that? He cleaned his sink when the water would not go down any more. Yeah! Then he would celebrate with a big scream, which merged into tears which shot straight out for four feet, and led to snot rivers from the nose to the chin.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
All I need to know is are there any dead rats in here?! I sure don't want to be the one to find them!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Then, Russell Young walked in dragging his dentist, who said, "You don't need those teeth!" Rip! Russell screeched, and yelled, "
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
What are we going to do? We have 10 minutes to play ads until we can find the rest of tonight's tape. WHo had it last?" We all started to eat our noontime sandwiches.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
We don't eat meats! Can't you get that straight?!! It's been 4 stinkin' decades since we had meats! We don't need meats; we need only add a little herbs and spices, and no one will ever guess.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
That, and spending an afternoon with President Bush at his ranch. He showed her how to bring down a runaway calf and hogtie 'em.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
So we played a boom box until the windows started to tremble. We lowered the volume just in time before the other dancer jumps over you. The idea is to create the picture of water with the water birds in it. So the next move is a demi plie; just swirl around and fluidly reach for your toes and come back up to face the audience.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
she said, " Get your armor on and sharpen your sword and let's go do some fighting, and then let's go do some laundry, because I'm sure you'll all agree we're starting to smell. I noticed a stream of urine running down the side of the cavern wall.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!"
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
Where are we going? To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China. Yes, that is a "must see".
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Did you hear the one about the two atoms walking along? Yeah, One says to the other, "I think I lost an electron!" The second one says, "Are you sure?" And the first one says, "I'm positive!" Get it? That's the way we do things around here. And sometimes I had to bash some heads to make it happen.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
That took a while. To wash them I used cotton balls and baby oil. Everything was working great until the cotton balls started to fall apart and blow away! "I told you you should have repaired that hen house!" "It wouldn't've mattered!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
Why else would he, John Kerry, ever think he could be president? Just then, a T-Rex ran up and ate him! Two days later we found a pile of John Kerry T-Rex poop outside our hut. Clearly he was going crazy. Why else would he, John Kerry, ever think he could be president?
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
No interlopers in this garden! You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like. It looks like a cross between a marigold and a dandelion. If you see one of these, pull it up!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Noticing he was low on gas, he pulled in to a gas station. He filled up his gas tank and kept going.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
"There you are!" She called. "I've been looking all over for you!" She was distressed to see its hoof stuck between two rocks, but at the same time knew its mooing/braying for help was the only was she was able to find it so fast.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
We found her and as we stood gazing at that famous little smile, a gentleman next to us made this comment about her, " If she laughs any louder my brain is going to slide out of my ears in long, thin slices."
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I said, "Who wants those old toys made in China anyway? I think Ethan and I can make better toys on our own.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
The fact is I cannot believe Bonnie started this story! But be that as it may, I will help continue it: And the second fact is that when I was growing up we did not call them farts.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods. In the middle of the night, I can get it out and use it to help me steal hot dogs from the mess hall.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Everyone was completely amazed when it cheerfully called out, "I'M FREE!" And started rolling jauntily down the street, singing, " Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go; hum,hum,hum,hum....hum,hum,hum,hum, Hi Ho Hi Ho, Hi Ho Hi Ho."
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
So look me in the eye and tell me where the bathroom is? Cuz I really, really, REALLY gotta go." she said, laughing. "Go down that hall and take the third right, the take a quick left, to down the stairs, go through the double doors then down the hall, take the first right, the second left, up the single flight of steps, and then you will be in jail!
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up. What a relief!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
And this chair. And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
BE QUIET! BE QUIET! BE QUIET!" And then he yelled it again with even more emphasis," REVENGE IS SWEET, AND A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!!" By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
About an hour later we were all too drunk to stand up, but we sure weren't stressed anymore. (giggle!)" About an hour later we were all too drunk to stand up, but we sure weren't stressed anymore. Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
he said, "my boil just erupted!" The customer gawked and said, "You expect me to eat this crap?!! It stinks, it's dripping with grease, and it makes me want to take a dump in every last car you got. I'm gonna pee on your counter, I'm gonna do it all. Let you know how it feels.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
"Hey you girls," I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer. Come and sample some of these fresh-baked biscuits with homemade apple butter and freshly churned butter. You cannot beat the taste! Eating these every day will make you feel like a million bucks! This will pep you up: a nice hot cup of hot tea!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
And the name of it was "Ackerson Savings & Loans & Stuff". It had been in business for 20 years, but it had to be demolished to make way for a Stop-n-Go. This was ordered by someone other than I!
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion. In fact... exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
The judge escaped deep scratches by hiding under his desk. Miss Na Tasha was into heavy spitting, and Barrister had to resort to using a bowl of Grape-Nuts for a litterbox.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
exclaimed Betty. "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
Now, long gone would be the pain. How he remembered when he had broken his wrist playing badmitton with an orc.