Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
Let's go ride it! We can see the whole countryside and we can see all the people in the truck stop, staring at the calendar, realizing it's only a few days before Summer!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
But there truly was a big sigh of relief followed by the idea of shoring up the outer wall with bits of furniture and old crates.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
The light was soft and gray, low in the sky. The snowfall of the previous days dampened the sound; there was only a slight rustling of tree branches as the wind brushed over the hills. The fresh cold air stung his nose as as he pulled up his snuggly warm scarf mask.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
Finally! My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
How did that get there? Who walked the dogs last?? Don't they realize the dishwasher is broken and look at all these dirty dishes! Plus I have a bandaged hand because I cut myself with a rusty barbecue smoker borrowed from a neighbor.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
There can be only one Pope! And he doesn't know a thing about software unless it is his mitered hat, but that is kinda stiff. And shelves? He never puts anything away. Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens??
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
What is wrong with you people?!" Two days is too long to spend driving. It wears you out and subtracts the pleasure from a trip. What you should do along the way is schedule a good amount of trolling.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
The fear in our hearts diminished somewhat as each of the treacherous Kiwis was pushed into the holding zone.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
With windblown hair and feet planted firmly on the foam-washed rocks, one of them gazed out at the surf and said, "Thanks to all of our diligent analysis, the administration of this plan will assure the survival of humanity for many generations!"
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
That name was: Earl. So the thing about a thunderstorm in the daytime is that it creates a pensive mood, full of mystery and eerie intrigue....plus a dash of danger!
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
Oooh, there's a whole jug of egg nog! I could go for a glass or two of that. And garnish it with olives and lemon slices. How cool!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat! It's got vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Everything your body needs.
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open.... I was so afraid to look. I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod. Luckily it was activated already, so the geiger counter started a vigorous ticking.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant.
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Nothing makes for a better sleeping partner at night when danger is afoot. Unfortunately, none of them knew how to use the cash register! Hmmm. Well, it did not matter because the power had gone out and it did not work anyway. I just hoped they knew how to fill out an unemployment form, because at the rate they're going, they're going to need to!
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!"
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on! Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air. Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on!
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They replied, "We achieve it by a combination of blister cream and bandaids. And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums." That sounded good, but I had to wonder if there would be enough butter pecan ice cream to go around.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
"What kind of restaurant is this?!" I yelled. "What are we supposed to sprinkle on our tacos, for crying out loud?! HOW ABOUT A NICE SPRINKLING OF HOT HOT HOT SRIRACHA SAUCE !!!" That will make everybody want to go to the Alamo!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
You might even run into a zamboni! And you're miles from the nearest skating rink. The nearest one is right next doo' Let's walk over there, introduce ourselves to the new neighbor, and say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on?" And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
Why don't you decide what you are going to do with them? For starters, you could have salad, breadsticks, or everyone's favorite--stuffed mushrooms!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
but then I realized he was listening to praise music on his earbuds and singing along. Pulling one of them loose, I yelled, "
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
That's okay, though, because it wouldn't last very long. Each group had to write an essay explaining the best way for the REST of the groups to be enthusiastic.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
came over and saw the title, He exclaimed, " There's literally a party going on in the hall outside my door!"
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Serendipity! We collected the balls of ice and used them to rub the backs of the necks of the people who had passed out from the heat. As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, " Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use. For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth. The last time that happened, everything ended up pink.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces. We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket." These are handy to have around & have many uses.
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
When she got to the bottom, she dug in the sand with her hands, feverishly trying to find the return plane ticket. It had disappeared ! Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
Next to it was a plastic pot containing a pitiful plant, nearly dead from lack of internet service. When will it come back on?? I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list. Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again. Determined, I sat down and finally got to #10! I resolve to refrain from eating bowl after bowl of baked beans. I then went to library, found the most crowded reading room, and proceeded to bolster my confidence by encouraging myself under my breath.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
That would be SANTA!! The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
I pulled the lever and it started slowly turning. I had to wait about two weeks. Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink !
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
I was hoping to catch it before it fell into the raging river down below. Unfortunately, just at the last second, I slipped in the mud and slid right into a big pile of manure.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion. It was amazing to watch.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
I couldn't believe my eyes! As I cautiously walked closer, a flock of birds which came closer and closer, flew over the tomatoes, came back, flew down and plucked every single tomato off the vines and then flew away !! But then I spied flying across the full moon, a big hulking tomato like I had never seen!
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Don't be surprised if you find yourself by asking hard questions, not taking anything at face value, exposing yourself to new experiences, and at every opportunity, enjoying a big bowl of homemade potato salad. Yum! Freshly cooked potatoes, chopped onions, pickle relish, and I stirred it all up with 3 big dollops of sour cream.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure. The only thing that could settle my nerves now would be if I could take some time to remove all the apps I don't like. Yeah like that new Alpha Betty game, it is not exactly fun and reminds me of HAL, the creepy computer in that science fiction movie.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
Zzzzzzz Garfield was asleep again. Odie was just staring at him and then he decided to wash & polish his motorcycle and get it all ready to take to Texas !
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I'm taking my stuff and packing it into Avon boxes and then, I am going to mail all of it to the businesses who sent me the junk mail in the first place.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
That was the last straw! I needed to go to the store to buy more straws to build my custom-crafted trellis. Grabbing my car keys, I hurried up to Lowe's to buy some mulch. It was on sale !!When I checked out I had bought so many bags, the total number came to 21.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Then I added multi-colored sprinkles and a few well-placed dabs of icing.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
I was watching for turbans, scarves, and most of all I was mindful of the gap. If there's one thing I know, it's that you never want to lace-up shoes to the airport, because they are too hard to get on and off, especially if they are laced with arsenic!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
You would need a pulsed X-ray laser to measure that time frame! It could also measure each kid to make sure the desks were the right size. Sure enough, one kid was way too messy to read. on every paper except one, on which she wrote: "100%"
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone!
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Keep up the good work! You know, nobody ever changed the world by sitting on a stack of steaming hot pancakes. and drizzle them with Sriracha hot sauce! And habanero sauce! And Colleen's kick-yo-ass hot sauce! Maybe then it will be easier to accomplish.The first rule of making a good resolution is to make it specific.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup! You will recognize the delivery personnel by their red noses so cold and dripping with molasses.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power!
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
He could see tunnels to the SOUTH and NORTH beneath his torchlight. Behind him was sunlight. He checked his INVENTORY. It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
There's no time to climb down! Just jump! As soon as you get your balance, you can play Pac-Man with your feet ! Yes! It is possible and it will save your hands from getting that dreaded Ebola virus! Get away from me with those unwashed hands, those filthy clothes, those rock formations look suspicious."
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
This time, we're going for permanence! We're also going for the ultimate challenge of reaching Mars in less than the time it takes for a comet to become invisible again to the naked eye. A nebula suddenly appeared in my viewfinder, It was huge and did not appear on any map I had seen !
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
It boasted a supersize Beefsteak tomato that must have weighed 10 pounds each. "How could you think we would need this much sun tan lotion?!!
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
They were next to the Cheetos, Slim Jims, Twizzlers, and a box of Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
The lady said, "That'll be $700!" He gasped, and reached for his can of mace!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
It's easier to keep track of distance that way. But this time I decided just to enjoy the moment. Off in the distance, I noticed reflected from the street lamp, 2 yellow eyes staring at me. I slowed my walking and waited to see whether it would fall from its own weight.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
Smell that? It's napalm. In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate!
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
Get on him, before he prepared the meal. Good hygiene is always optional when skydiving. It's not like anyone can smell you at 10,000 feet!
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard."
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
It looked like a gigantic tortoise, heaving up out of the earth. Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth. Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
That's why he put all his underwear into zip-lock bags. Nobody wants strangers pawing through his underwear drawer. Someone had gone and used White-Out over the price tags so everything that was $19.99 or $29.99 became $9.99.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
Drat! I just turned it over and dabbed on plenty of makeup before leaving the house. "You look like a street walker!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
Now I am going to mix it all up in my new blender. Ooops! I forgot to put on the lid! All across the walls and floor were diplomas, certificates, degrees, and other accolades from a variety of prestigious institutes of learning and experimentation.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
The crew silently gazed out the viewportals at the void of purest black, which was at least 50 kilometers across, and was surrounded with a coruscating aura of all manner of colors as particles of light were sucked in at speeds exceeding 120 mph !!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Put them back into the empty egg cartons where they will be safe. Then put the egg cartons on top of the crates of rockets that we got from GI Joe's military surplus. For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them!
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!" "I don't want the malls to close until midnight! Because then I will have time to start shopping for Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!!"
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
Help me reload my shotgun! That dern zombie took a chunk out of my arm and I can barely keep my eyelids open!
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, " We shouldn't need a snow shovel to clear this space, but it sure would be terrible if the vacuum were set on blow!
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face. It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog. A tall glass of lemonade would taste good after eating that Pop Burger, he was still hungry, so he ordered another one!
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Could it possibly lead to early development of cataracts? I need to know because who wants to be blind for the rest of his life?!!" I decided to get a second opinion.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
That ploy would never work, because a hero gets tired of going to the hospital over and over! Abiathar needs Artorios's help. So Abiathar asked him to pass the potatoes.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres! I knew I had to think fast.
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
By then my blood is pumping, my head is cleared and I'm ready to spread the compost. Boy is it smelly! Hey I thought it was supposed to be odorless! Maybe it stinks because I was supposed to pick up a truckload of hardwood bark mulch from the nursery.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
It expanded quickly into a hard, yellowish goo which was perfect for the cats new dining area. They would love this pretty new space complete with not one but two cores per CPU, giving it inherent multiprocessing power. Not only would games run faster, but I could never banish the cats from the tech room even though they often wreak havoc with the local radio stations.
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
So they fastened their seatbelts, turned to each other and grinned and then they gasped in shock at the number of bugs that had shuffled off this mortal coil on their teeth. he said as he pulled over, he took a big drink of Red Bull, burped, and he loudly exclaimed, "
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
Or sell one of his beamers. Or he could always try to throw up in the bedpan. Why don't the nurses ever come when you need them? Maybe it's because they accidentily stitched him up with tools still inside his abdominal cavity!
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
I ain't had nuthin' to eat but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days! Why can't we have more toilet paper in here? Those rolls go down in a hurry, especially when all the managers flock around me like buzzards! Go away! I can't concentrate." Finally, they all fell on the floor laughing their heads off.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it. They wouldn't see me here. I peeked around and suddenly saw that someone was peeking back at me!
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
It's not as easy as you think! Actually it is harder than quantum physics! That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Would I really get to see Santa Claus??? We rushed to the roof and searched for hoofprints in the snow, but all we found were stale, broken gingerbread cookies from last year. What we really hoped for was the grand prize offered by the local newspaper for "Best Illumination".
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
Is that like an appraizor? Come appraize my house, and bring your 5 clipboards! "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" I laugh with raucous glee. You will be sorry; you will be very sorry when I stumbled upon a fully-loaded phaser rifle.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom. That restless sound soon reached the top balcony, where our VIP seats were.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I wonder if he speaks any English? I will be bold and ask him," Where is the bathroom? Cuz I really gotta go." But to my surprise, he snapped the cork out of the bottle of champagne out poured it on my pancakes. Famished, I dug in with reckless abandon.
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
We bundled up and headed for the mall. But before we got there, we stopped at Starbucks to get revved up. I ordered a quad shot espresso - only problem was by the time we got to the store, my hands were skipping over the keypad like a skilled pianist playing Chopin.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
That ought to kick it up a notch! BAM! He slapped a $500 dollar bill on the counter. "Those are out of circulation!" Bill exclaimed. the customer replied smugly. "It's legal tender. See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
While we waited, the kids were able to play a beanbag game. They had to throw up their hands and scream "Eureka!!!!" Everyone turned their attention to us and the farmer (who was very creative about recycling) used old tires to start a bonfire.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
That's man's work! And furthermore, you should sit down right now and watch all six Star Wars movies back to back.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
The asteroid is too big. In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!! Does anyone clean the keys? NO! And if someone did, he would probably use DOS!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
What were you thinking to feed the twins stewed prunes?? You know eating prunes will always cause them to cooperate because they want to buy combat boots in order to have enough traction to navigate the poop-slimed floor.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool. Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
But I still had the feeling I wasn't in Kansas anymore...Maybe it was the mountains that painted the horizon or simply the fact that there wasn't a corn field in sight.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
Bush! red, white, and blue streaks were all we could see of the cars! They were going so fast, the asphalt was melting. The pavement started to get sticky, and that made the tires start to melt. I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof. Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
You never know until you try! Why don't you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? You don't need to flush the toilet every time you use it. Flush it only when you go number two.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Soon the hordes would be here. I was a little nervous, because this was my very first yard sale. I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale. So when we advertised it, we exaggerated a little bit to get more people to show up.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Although having been on a 3 day binge, I tried to rise from my seated position.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member?
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I could not afford to have them do that diagnostic test, so I told him, "That's okay, I probably don't need both kidneys.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
Now it should be simple to fix. All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store. It will spark so much interest, you'll be building the biggest mega-cat-condo in the world! So to save floor space, you could try cement ing your mouth shut and let me do the thinking, OK?
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
This was the first time I'd ever put up wallpaper. I was nervous and excited at the same time. First I assembled the tools and instructions, and then I took a dare and tasted the wallpaper paste. my mouth tasted like wallpaper paste. I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Ha ha! I thought to myself, "Little do they know that the electrical outlets are installed upside down. All their cute little night lights will always be upside down--cackle cackle. THAT will teach them to use acetone to clean the hardwood floors. Now take this toothbrush and clean the encrusted roach poop from around the doorways.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
"Okay, okay. I thought I'd better tell you what type of weapons you'll be using. As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need. It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways! There was only one thing to do: activate the afterburners! Yeee-haw! As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning".
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
Or else you will regret it!" So I said, "Honey, I'm not in it for the lettuce! I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment. After all, who would know that the slacker pizza cook would just put a smattering of cheese on my pizza! He even missed a couple spots! I asked for extra cheese, Cause let me tell you, I'm not in it for the pepperoni, man!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
Now, music is one of those things you can't live without. It's like the heartbeat of the spirit, man. It's the soundtrack of life. You gotta have a belt with those pants if you don't want to be holding them up all day! You'll see what I mean after you blow your nose a few times.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
He declared with confidence. "I can tell you suffer from it." she squealed, with wide eyes, "I just knew something wasn't right with me lately!"
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
Ha! Ha!" Ha! Ha! Ha!" He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
Before I could stop it, great volumes of gas filled the room of guests who had just arrived from the theater. They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust. "I can't believe you just wet your pants!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!" He was irritated. Calmly, she answered, "I'm thinking if we ate nothing but lettuce and skim milk for a month we may look good for the St.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
It taught geography, history, economics, as well as Bazooka Bubble Gum and Reese's Pieces. We could not wait to buy some, so we headed toward the fridge. "What's the deal with all the psychedelic colors?" She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!"
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
It was going to go critical! We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks!
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
I checked for other supplies: bandoliers, ammo, and flak jackets. Once the weather got really hot them Yankee-land touristers might come hunting for your A/C, and you gotta be prepared. We loaded up on sunscreen and popsicles, and took off!
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
You know everyone just loves those boxes of styrofoam peanuts. Find someone who has a fan blowing in their room, dump the box, and watch the fun!
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
The next girl can pose on this poof chair. It is shaped like a high-heeled shoe.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
I would rather have a deadly attack robot! It would have to be at least 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
"How did this get in here?" I exclaimed. "The sites contaminated, and we ourselves slowly dying from some unknown ancient curse, it was only a matter of time before we and all our work disintegrated back into ancient history.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
But just as I turned around a man in a green overall quickly began to fall! Tumbling down the chute came a big load of bricks! Yikes! Get out of the way!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
Stay focused on eating everything in sight. You may end up being bulimic, but at least that won't kill you.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand. The swimming pool will go there, the miniature golf course there, and the toolshed had to be demolished to make room for the new inground swimming pool which would be reinforced with steel, 3 inches thick.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
These can be achieved by correct application of sunscreen and limiting your time in the sun, for day brings visibility, and a ninja must be unseen as much as possible! Therefore most ninjas tend to sleep only 2 hours at a time.
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry. Can you do better than that?" but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
A messenger was sent to the prison chaplain's office to plead his case. If he didn't get out soon, he'd die.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil. over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
I'll just put this Dr. Enuf into the freezer to get cold. It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread!" Who knows how long that had been there! "That's disgusting!" I said. "We're going to need some industrial-strength cleaner!
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!" Luckily no one was eating at the time.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
The Plutonium Transporters of America! They were famous for gigantic fund-raising fairs. In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!"
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
As soon as they heard, they quickly lunged out the door, cameras and notebooks in hand. Moments later, they arrived at 10:55 with barely enough time to clip on their microphones and get in front of the camera.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
he said as he took another bite of his steak. It was clear she wasn't going to eat hers either, so he reached over and grabbed the salad dressing, saying, "If I'm going to eat nothing but salad for lunch, I'm going to need more salt and pepper.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
A little window was cut out of the side. Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
instead of actually performing a dance. So she tried it, and her classmates didn't know whether to be impressed or amused. Her ability to spin on her toes was phenomenal. We could only watch in amazement, envying her strength and grace. "How beautiful are the deep pools of blue that are your eyes.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
I whispered back, "Now's our chance!" We carefully snuck around until we were right behind him, and with one swift movement, I lunged with my scimitar.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
"I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder. "The next one will." With that, he picked up a huge axe and smashed it into the table!
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
"You sure look prepared! Where are we going? To be, or not to be, that is the question." Clearly we had to go to London, to celebrate Shakespeare and see the Great Wall of China.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
This is the roughest part of town, and I know it all too well. I'm Powers. Detective Max Powers. I'm the man. I'm YOUR man. I can get the job done. You ask me, and I will tell you. Yes, I am the suspect.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
But they don't seem to care much for city folk. They were always coming around here, blabbing about how much nice it is up north, where they have eaten the grass right down to the bare ground.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like. It looks like a cross between a marigold and a dandelion. If you see one of these, pull it up! It's a weed. So stomp on it! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Down you go! Everybody out of the way! And every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg... That's when I know it's time to turn around and head for home. You know, just like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home."
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
There is pandemonium over there, and right now we are in dire need of a plan, a strategy, to bring down the tyrannical International Village, despite our being heavily outmanned and outgunned."
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
How can they taste all the gourmet food when there's body odor attempting to hide under copious perfume everywhere you turn? "I don't know," I said. "I guess they just are all born rude. Everyone I meet has a smart-aleck thing to say when I ask them a question. The next time this happens, I am going to say, "
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
I want one more chocolate cake!" exclaimed Bonnie. "But you don't have enough money to pay for that Spiderman suit and mask. Look in your other pockets and see if you can find any more Barbie dolls for Haley so she can play dolls with her sister and also with her cousin, Ethan." But enough about that.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Now that's what I call skilled. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison. they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
See?" He demonstrated, and Private Munchausen said "I like to suffer, and I'm going to make you suffer too. 500 pushups on the double!"
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
"You just drooled on it! You stupid idiot. And that was our last steak in the kitchen! Well, the customer is waiting; we've got to do something. Here, rinse it off with this sprayer. NOT AT ME! Aim it that way!"
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I whispered. a voice rasped. I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
And if he goes outside, and doesn't take an umbrella he will probably be drowned in the torrential downpour.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
Don't you ever get tired of going to the same place for vacation every year?
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE! And that's ALL I NEED! And my pup tent. In case it rains.
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
BE QUIET! BE QUIET!" And then he yelled it again with even more emphasis," REVENGE IS SWEET, AND A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!!" By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that.
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table. Bonnie exclaimed, " If we could all just CALM DOWN!
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
Let you know how it feels. And so it was time to clean that greasy, baconbit-encrusted grill. First off, turn it on low, then squirt it with liquified meat product. It gives it that meat-like flavor, and don't forget the starch spray for the fries.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
Eating these every day will make you feel like a million bucks! This will pep you up: a nice hot cup of hot tea! What in the world else would a Grandma have at the end of a long day........or at the beginning of a short one?!
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
"How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!" He stealthily lunged out from under cover, and they immediately began shooting 360 degrees around their location, blowing away over half the threat in the first 4 seconds.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee. Now, I also want all your money. I mean ALL of it. Hand it over or I will give you a million dollars in exchange for leaving the country and never mentioning this again!"
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Sam said, The gravity is very different here, so don't be doing any jumping. You might just head out into space! However one of the travelers did not believe him and did it anyway, and propelled himself into a black hole!
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
he cried, "Save me from the hallowed gallows! I will eat at your feet for the rest of my days!" The king looked down at him and replied," and then threw back his own with peals of diabolical laughter. Thus began the century-long "Reign of Terror." As he drew nearer he saw to his horror, the king had been slain by a pack of eldritch blagglecruncheons!
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Let me get a closer look. Let me get a closer look too, said Barrister. But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
This could only mean one thing, the subjects for the theses were all wrong! Gromit, they are all wrong!
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
In fact, the time was coming when all the Democrats would finally admit defeat and just fade away. Knowing this, Al Gore decided to end his obsession with bungee cord jumping.