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Story IDTitleCreatorStatusNum EntriesDate Finished
174  Springtime in VirginiabettyDone2212/27/2022
     We landed right in a big pile of dry leaves! The pleasant earthy smell of po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick inna stew!
173  Daylight Saving Time !bettyDone234/21/2021
    I looked around but didn't see anyone. I put the menu down slowly, got up and stepped outside into the glorious sunshine! So we went to the airport and ironically, we were all so hungry we didn't care what we ate, so on the menu was was a Post-it note with the terse message: "OUTSIDE NOW".
172  A Winter Day in the WildernessbonnieDone222/15/2021
    ! But just as I was ready to give up, around the corner came Santa Claus! He had an entourage of elves all singing "Here comes Santa Claus!
171  Oh, the weather outside is frightful...bettyDone2212/31/2020
    It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170  The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!bettyDone231/13/2020
    Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is.
169  A Breath of Fresh AirbonnieDone2211/15/2019
     And he doesn't know a thing about software unless it is his mitered hat, but that is kinda stiff. And shelves? He never puts anything away. Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens??
168  Toiling at 3 a.m.bettyDone2210/13/2019
     There must be a faster way! But I just kept scrubbing with the bar of grit and learned online, I should be using my reading glasses. I thought the title of this story was "Trolling at 3am", so I went on the interwebs and collected the most toxic posts I could find, and I mixed them all together into a steaming hot mess, but unfortunately they didn't balance.
167  The Reckoning of the KiwisxanderDone227/28/2019
    Seagulls squawked and crapped in every direction. Meat pies steamed behind the counter of coffee shops. Yes, it was a day just like any other. But little did the inhabitants know, today would be the last normal day in a long time.
166  Somebody's Gotta Do It !bettyDone227/8/2019
    I am sending her back to the manufacturer! Sending *IT* back. This was the most disappointing robotic vacuum I had ever used. 1 star! It got caught on everything! it even got stuck on logistics. Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan.
165  I love Thunderstorms !bettyDone216/10/2019
     Indeed, thunderstorms are a dramatic immersion for the senses. Even the air felt electrified. The soft hair on my arms was lifting up! My scalp was tingling! And the popping in my ears was like I had never felt before ! Almost like I was back at wrestling training camp in Louisville, Kentucky.
164  Wrapping those Christmas Presents !bettyDone231/9/2019
     Where was my Christmas wrapping paper?? In the attic? In the garage? Ah, man.. I will just go buy some new paper at the local Christmas wrap store.
163  Let's Set Fire to the WoodsxanderDone2112/7/2018
    It spoke no English, but followed orders well. He was also very mannerly. I could take lessons from him, because I want to change the name of this story to "Who's Sorry Now?!"When Xander heard that, he balled up his fist and smashed the walnut as hard as he could.
162  Some Kind of AdventurexanderDone239/10/2018
     We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite. What a strange taste, like nothing we had ever had before.
161  That Garage !bettyDone228/9/2018
     But how to get rid of it? !! I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash.
160  I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?bettyDone248/3/2018
     There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's. After all I don't want hands that look like a pair of sunglasses! How fun! And you definitely need some actual sunglasses if you're going to have an outside job in the summer, as well as a hat, sunscreen, and obviously you also need to have the emergency number nearby in case of a drunk late night customer.
159  A large, healthy tuft of stump grassbonnieDone227/18/2018
     Especially when finding it where you least expect to find a skunk baby. Ohhh, poor little thing! All alone! All it needs is a nice sunny spot and some rain now and then!
158  Cleaning up after Milo the MousebettyDone217/11/2018
    A clean, clear smell of fresh mouse urine....ahhhh! Milo must be nearby!
157  Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA CampusbettyDone227/6/2017
    They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym.
156  San Antonio VacationgregDone225/27/2017
    They had lined their entire property with mirrors! "How strange," I exclaimed, as I tried to climb over the fence, but scintillating disco balls blinded me and I couldn't continue! The light was brilliant! So bright I had to shield my eyes with my hands and with a soft folded napkin lovingly wrapped around, I placed the tombstone behind the fresh grave, as requested.
155  Will That Snow Ever Melt? !bettyDone212/5/2017
    We could use the snowblower we borrowed from Danny. I am sure he won't mind if we use it to insulate the garden from the cold. Another good way to do that would be to sprinkle that special salt all over the road.
154  Different Pizza ToppingsgregDone211/11/2017
     Mmm! In fact, use the big jar! Some people also like to add anchovies...ewww. Then there is the delicious fruit pizza! Sugar cookie crust with strawberries, kiwi fruit, pineapple all arranged in a pattern of pleasing proportions.
153  But I don't want to!bonnieDone2011/13/2016
     Now all we need are some light refreshments and light classical music. Hey! foam fingers and their goofy hats with the springy antennas. politicians, but true to form, they proceeded to just laugh and point and not help at all.
152  We Need More Enthusiasm !bettyDone2210/16/2016
     Do I need to attend a focus group? And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there.
151  Xander's New Dorm RoombonnieDone219/9/2016
     He hadn't even realized it, though, because he had not taken a shower in so long! Oh well, at least the green bar of soap was not down to a sliver yet, and the roommate had brought his own pile of funky smelling shoes. Xander didn't care since he had a trick to combat the roaches and mice that had invaded the dorm.
150  Trying to Keep Cool !bettyDone228/20/2016
    He looked at me like I was an idiot. he said as we sped toward the marina. When we got there, a huge fog bank rolled in, and it looked really scary, so we waited until the sun went down. Then it was cooler because we switched the fan to counter-clockwise, and that made us feel sleepy.
149  The Stump VinebonnieDone214/26/2016
    For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute!
148  LaundrycolleenDone204/2/2016
     Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist!
147  It's snowing!!!colleenDone292/22/2016
    3 large pizzas with pepperoni, red peppers, mushrooms, and plenty of carrots and pieces of coal to make the snowmen's faces. We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket."
145  Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!bettyDone212/5/2016
    So we packed the extra stuff into a priority box and sent it to Hell in a handbasket! And there to welcome it into eternal damnation was none other than Xander and Ethan who decided to come for a visit too!!!
144  Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!colleenDone201/10/2016
     Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers. In fact, anyone could just walk in and easily help themselves to croissants, chocolate eclairs, and mugs of steaming beef stew. Ladelling out a serving, I went out on the patio and enjoyed a big bowl of roasted chili peppers.
143  Resolutions for the New Year !bettyDone221/9/2016
     Confronted with a mob of irritated neighbors, I ran back into the house and packed! I was ready to start my new life! Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
142  Ordering Online Christmas Presents !bettyDone2112/14/2015
    After finding it I hid it again, but this time inside a really big box! The only way to cover that will be to file bankruptcy!! Man, I will hate to go to court and stand before the magistrate and hope you don't get thrown in jail until you paid every penny because you were cruel to your debtors and the king found about it.
141  Dual CompostersgregDone2112/13/2015
     Then, once I found my shovel and a bucket, it was time to start to start bagging up the compost to sell at our roadside stand.Per bag, the price would start at $159.00 Some may say that's high, but it's worth it because good compost does not stink !
140  Deli BolognagregDone2211/28/2015
     Then everything continued as before, except, curiously, one boy on a skateboard crashed through the Deli's plate glass window and he landed in the bin of expired fruit. Stunned, the grocer just stood there holding the orange he had been peeling, he squeezed it a little too hard and a spurt flew directly into his display of twenty-five varieties of Deli Bologna!
139  Getting Ready for Fall !bettyDone2110/29/2015
    he makes me want to put on a harness attached with strong rope and carabiners to something sturdy. This is what's known as fall protection gear. Once I was satisfactorily secured, I was ready to gather the black walnuts, so I looked in the garage for a big surprise!
138  SlatheragegregDone219/16/2015
     Oh no! So he slowly slithered backward, but they had spotted him! They marched toward him with military precision, but in slow-motion. It was amazing to watch. Mesmerized by the sight, we found a place to sit down quietly and stared intently at the small entrance.
137  Growing Those Tomatoes !bettyDone218/1/2015
    I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight. I found the recipe in a plant book: You mix beer, baking soda, and then add a cup of Miracle-Gro.
136  Midnight snackcolleenDone216/11/2015
     Why is it that you don't get hungry until you are in the kitchen. Don't be surprised if you find yourself by asking hard questions, not taking anything at face value, exposing yourself to new experiences, and at every opportunity, enjoying a big bowl of homemade potato salad.
135  That New Smart PhonebettyDone226/10/2015
     How could anybody be that behind the times? Clearly it's time to fill your pot with dirt and of course water it.
134  NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THISgregDone246/3/2015
     Hey heeeeyyyyy sounds like someone is trying to be cool, but no one is cooler than the real Fonz.
133  Why me!?!!colleenDone236/3/2015
    First, we'll go out to lunch. Then we'll get a new phone. Then we'll get a PS4. and sure enough, an F5 tornado appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the whole town and everyone in it, including us.
132  Backyard ProjectsbettyDone225/28/2015
     It's so encouraging to see all the worms twisting and turning in the new worm farm which was another new project thought up by the very garden gnomes who now completed the whimsical tableau.
131  Cupcakes!colleenDone225/26/2015
    Decorating is the part that's the most fun. Be creative! You can use sprinkles, candy, curls of chocolate...even tiny toys or other unusual options such as little Hulk faces made of butter and green-colored strips of bacon, ground-up meatballs, and garnished with chicken wings.
129  Climbing Enchanted RockbettyDone215/2/2015
    We must have a detached retina or something!! It could also be caused by heavy and drenching downpours of rain which then froze over the entire Rock when the temperature suddenly dropped.
128  I Need to Take a Trip !bettyDone224/16/2015
     After I walked through the metal detector, I heard someone say, " Mind The Gap!" His authoritative tone irked me, so I took particular care in minding who was sitting next to me. I was watching for turbans, scarves, and most of all I was mindful of the gap. If there's one thing I know, it's that you never want to lace-up shoes to the airport, because they are too hard to get on and off, especially if they are laced with arsenic!
127  Bonnie's New Tutoring JobbonnieDone274/16/2015
    Then with them the children proceeded to make cookies to sell to raise enough money for Bonnie's bail bond. After a week all the children just loved Bonnie, and they brought her presents including lots of mayonnaise.
126  Getting Ready for New Year's EvebettyDone222/18/2015
    Or as the famous Latin phrase puts it: " Carpe Noctem !" So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait. If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone!
125  New Year's ResolutionsbonnieDone2212/24/2014
     So anyone can decide tomorrow will be a new day and when you wake up, the first thing you should do is get an accountability partner.
124  Get Those Presents Wrapped !bettyDone2212/24/2014
    What will they do with them? Obviously, they will put them in the refrigerator asap. Chop! Chop! Once they get good and cold, they will be ready for pickup!
123  We Need a Plumber !bettyDone2212/12/2014
    There are three things you never want to hear your plumber say: "Uh-oh", "This is really going to cost a lot", and " I need a gas mask! Open a window! Go next door and borrow a plumber's snake, the electric kind with lots of power!
122  Christmas DecorationsbonnieDone2212/12/2014
    Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet!
121  I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!bettyDone2111/28/2014
    "That thing is enormous!" The doctor yelled. "We have to operate now!
120  The Great BeyondxanderDone219/21/2014
    I was the admiral of the first fleet to set off into the universe's darkest corners, and as the one in charge, I needed to handpick my coworkers. They needed to be brave, intuitive, and ambitious! So I picked these three people: Gandhi, Einstein, and Owen Wilson. I figured that third choice made perfect sense because he had just eaten a loaf of bread the size of his head.
119  Summer bonnieDone209/21/2014
    You know people really need those for seeing underwater. And if they get fogged up, you can clean them with spit.
118  Best Video Game of the Year !bettyDone228/15/2014
    It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation! And for 3 weeks I had to wear an Ace bandage on my damaged vertebrae, which were partially crushed in a parkour accident two years prior. When it happened, I spent the first 3 months just learning how to use this stupid new controller.
117  The best movie EVER!!!colleenDone217/18/2014
    Only, I don't think anyone else understood why I went to the movies even though I was blind! They didn't realize that my excellent sense of hearing allowed me to pick up even the slightest nuance of sound, and my vivid imagination I never would have guessed she would DIE from it!
116  What I Saw When I Took A Walk IIgregDone235/28/2014
    sign. I had come too far and seen too much to stop now! So I kept going until I reached the end of of the road...and there was the sun setting in a gorgeous display of orange and gold !! When I realized that, I began to run as fast as I could to get home. sign.
115  You know...bonnieDone2311/10/2013
    The heat that radiated from their cavernous maws surged over us like a hurricane of pain. We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure. Nearby there was a lurking police car. People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained.
114  Whatever is on your mind !bettyDone2410/27/2013
    WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Stunned, I whirled around and to hear Penelope throwing up! My game was interrupted! I was halfway through getting an upgrade for my level 1 Floor Sweeper.
113  Nursery RhymegregDone2210/24/2013
    All I can say is, I don't know what someone plans to do with all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't fall asleep.
112  Global Warming !bettyDone268/19/2013
    Do they want clean air or warm houses? They cannot have both !! In fact, over their noses they may have to wear tinfoil hats to protect them from the mind-reading satellites used by an ancient civilization to battle aliens. It used gravity wells and quantum tunneling to launch giant blue whales from every port in the country, in celebration of the Year of Cheese!
110  Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !bettyDone224/19/2013
    The car had broke down and I didn't have enough money for bus fare. I maybe had enough to get by without doing laundry. With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me!
109  ThanksgivingbonnieDone1912/19/2012
    "You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances!
108  I Blew Up My Lab!gregDone2110/26/2012
    I couldn't make out the rest of the ad because tears had already begun to dissolve the ink, which ran like charcoal wisps of liquidated dreams down the face of the page.
107  Christmas Shopping IIIbettyDone212/11/2012
     The wind was whipping through our hair and we began to feel the wall for the light switch. We couldn't see a thing. The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace.
106  Let's Organize Your Garage !bettyDone227/25/2011
    I really could not bear to throw away all those memories. Perhaps I could store them in a large milkshake from Chick-Fil-A.
105  Christmas Shopping IIgregDone212/24/2011
     I heard a rustling in the chimney, an looked up and saw a huge SALE sign!!! It covered the entire front of the store!! I'd never seen anything like it. It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket.
103  Zombie Attack!gregDone226/10/2010
    That dern zombie took a chunk out of my arm and I can barely keep my eyelids open! The reason must be that I ate too much brains!
102  The Art of DeclutteringbettyDone218/4/2009
     The Art of Decluttering has passed down through the ages and is renewed by each generation. The best teachers for this activity are female ! But that's OK! As a male, I know how to get things done. And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing.
101  The hathood of the traveling brown hat.rhondaDone213/20/2009
     It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate.
100  The Nephews come to VisitgregDone2212/9/2008
    We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked. It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E. Cheese and eat lots of crap pizza and drink cheap beer. After enough beer, even the crap pizza tasted like a chili cheese dog.
99  Laser Eye SurgerygregDone2010/3/2008
    Just how do you intend to take out the eyeball and lay it on the cheek just long enough to read the eye chart perfectly.
98  Abiathar the Superhero!gregDone214/27/2007
    After dinner, he got to his feet and threw a zombie up in the air with his Jawbreaker, while at the same time he grabbed a troll by the ankle, spun him around and launched him into orbit with one flick of his manly wrist. When the other trolls saw this, they immediately knelt down and revived their health.
97  My New Video Game!bettyDone213/13/2007
     The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box! I knew it was full of video games which I had ordered. I'm so skilled at 'em they only last a few days, max.
96  Fixing up my GardengregDone221/29/2007
    Always offering unsolicited advice. I've got half a mind to take a nap in the nearby hammock. Last summer I had installed the hammock between two pillars made of marble. They were 30 feet tall, 2 feet wide, and frankly they stink and I don't want them in my garden anymore.
95  Rearranging My New Tech RoombettyDone221/31/2007
     Wow, the fur did fly! Next thing you know there was a computer virus on the screen, taunting you! It even took control of the speakers, and it was saying "Santa Claus is coming to town" over and over again until I could not stand it any longer, so I stood up and moved the cabinet of electronics components closer to the desk, so they'd be easy reach when they climbed down from the high cat tower.
94  Speeding Down the HighwaybettyDone2112/4/2006
    Re! A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is.
93  Having SurgerygregDone2012/1/2006
    Bubbling vials, Jacobs Ladders, and incomprehensible surgical tools everywhere added to the effect. the spindly, gray-skinned doctor intoned. "I hope you have a good insurance policy, because you are SURELY going to need it!"
92  Accountant at WorkgregDone214/1/2006
    They all laughed, and said you look like an alien! If you don't believe us, just go look in the mirror, and you will see why all accountants insist on only being paid with gold bullion.
91  What I Saw When I Took a WalkbettyDone213/31/2006
    It was none other than Mr. T, leaning out the window of his 1982 GMC van, yelling, "Get out of the road, sucka!" I ran toward the van to try and get his autograph, but he growled, "I ain't got time for your jibba-jabba, fool!"
90  Learning a Foreign LanguagegregDone222/4/2006
    Then we retaliated with a barrage of German invective. we snarled informally. Shocked, he picked his beret out of the muddy gutter, shook it off and put it on his resume.
89  Putting out Christmas LightsbettyDone212/3/2006
     First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph. Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer...
88  Lazor Beam HydragregDone2212/16/2005
    Slimy green lymph splattered everywhere even onto his hairdreszor. "You are such an abuzor!" She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87  Concert at Chrysler HallbettyDone2112/14/2005
     We'll be eating peanut butter and rice for a month! But it was worth it, because life isn't measured in how many breaths you take, but in how many moments like these, I lift up a song, I lift up a love song, to Jesus!
86  Touring EuropebonnieDone2112/13/2005
     We were going to collide head-on! Quickly I reached over and jerked the ripcord, and my parachute cmae hurtling out just in time! I landed hard on the bridge, got up and sat right back down because a big wad of bubble gum was stuck to the helmet of the commie soldier.
85  Christmas ShoppingbettyDone2212/1/2005
     Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, " Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you go and leave us alone?
84  Working at McDonald'sgregDone2112/1/2005
    Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes! Put that in the waste bucket!"
83  Trip to the Pumpkin PatchsherryDone2211/7/2005
    What a load! Now, the only thing left to do is pick up all the pumpkins, and give them to eat whatever was left and that would be, of course, at least a dozen doughnuts!
82  test2gregDone249/16/2015
    You can't be sewious! Back to the Battle!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Back to the basics of the hip-hop scene, just a loop, and some lyrics, and a mic, you know what I mean? "Well, not exactly..." I said. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about. There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean?
81  Going Into Space IIgregDone2110/28/2005
    We were all nervously excited. We were about to embark on a six-month voyage so we packed 6 cases of peanut butter and 6 crates of oranges, for vitamin C.
80  Taking Computer ClassbettyDone2010/27/2005
     The new teacher was quite a knock-out! Really! Her hair was silver blonde and reached all the way to her cell phone, to call her geeky son. Fortunately he was home. "Hey! she whispered quickly.
79  Cooking Show IIgregDone219/27/2005
    "You can't be serious! I know positively that these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television." (laugh track) "To start with, crack these eggs, whip them up, and blend them into your stock pot. Next, chop the garlic into tiny bits at least small enough to fit into a cupcake holder!
78  Potty Training the TwinsbettyDone219/24/2005
    Then when I was busy in the kitchen, the twins drew on the calendar too. They drew pictures of monsters that will scare the poop out of them!!! Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time.
77  Noisy NeighborsbonnieDone219/23/2005
     Boy, do I hate it! Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs! That's the only explanation for why we were stupid enough to move into this neighborhood.
76  Driving Across CountrybettyDone229/16/2005
    They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil.
75  NASCAR DaysgregDone219/9/2005
    So it would be better to replace the little Honda engine that sounds like a lawnmower with a Chevy big block, which was just delivered by Jeff Gordon himself! What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage!
74  Conserving WaterbonnieDone229/9/2005
     Flush it only when you go number two. Or if it's really raining, then you better run out with every bowl or bucket you have. It may be your only chance to go to the bathroom before we do our one and only daily flush.
73  The Best Diet Ever!sherryDone218/31/2005
     This is great! Next thing you know, you will be skin and bones. No one will know you. Everyone will think you are Shamu the Orca if you wear a tuxedo before your diet is accomplished. So instead, try to re-interpret your hunger as a desire to do another favorite activity besides eat, such as eggplant, okra, mushrooms, and rhubarb: all on Greg's list of guys lookin' in yer window!
72  What a Yard Sale!bettyDone208/23/2005
    But the really big surprise was that my daughter's decorated mud pies were selling like crazy!
71  Test PilotgregDone218/17/2005
     I knew perfectly well that we were over the coldest part of a TV dinner when you get it out of the microwave is always the center part.
70  A Day in the Life of a DorksherryDone218/14/2005
     "I'm only doing that today," he answered, "tomorrow I'm going to upgrade my PDA to have 256 MB of RAM! she said, "I just can't relax unless I know that you have other clothes to wear besides one bearing logos and movie quips from Star Wars, Star Trek, Tron and Hackers, I'll never go out with you!"
69  Time for a Checkup!bonnieDone218/3/2005
    "What??" I exclaimed. "Why would I need to order x-rays? Clearly the problem is an occluded colon. This sort of thing happens if you don't eat enough fiber, and then load up on cheese pizza. My recommendation is have a cup of hot tea and a small plate of three soft chewy dog treats, the kind with little meaty bit in the middle."
68  Building My New Cat CondobettyDone217/10/2005
    It will spark so much interest, you'll be building the biggest mega-cat-condo in the world! All I have to do is take all this extra cat litter and put it in the display case at the local Pet Store.
67  Putting Up WallpapergregDone216/12/2005
    It was so good, I licked it again. "Hey! Quit that! You're getting wallpaper paste all in my hair! uh oh, I'm all out. That's OK, because we bought extra rolls just in case. Try to line up the red hexagons so they match.
66  My Newest Home Improvement Project!bettyDone205/17/2005
    She thought that the circular saw would be perfect to slice the ham and salami for our lunch that day - can you believe that?"
65  Phone CallbonnieDone215/9/2005
     I've been meaning to call you for days! How are you?" "Fine, How are you?" "I'm fine! I wanted to ask if you knew there is a moose in your front yard! He seems to be trying to find candidates for his galactic space marine training academy.
64  Airline PilotgregDone214/23/2005
    As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning".
63  I'm Not In It For The...bonnieDone214/6/2005
     Or while ordering a big ice cream sundae, someone might conspiratorially inform the person making it, "I'm not in it for the ice cream, I'm in it for the fame!
62  Hosting a Cooking ShowbettyDone214/12/2005
     But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings.
61  Ain't It Cool?gregDone224/7/2005
    I screeched to a halt, jumped out, and exclaimed to my friends, "Ain't it cool? I got it for 10 cents at the thrift store!
60  Competing with Starbuck'sbonnieDone214/2/2005
    Incredulous, I asked her, with sarcasm, " You want fries with that?" She gave me such an evil look, that I really wanted to give her a chance to make better hot chocolate than the swill she had been serving.
59  My First Ocean CruisebettyDone213/28/2005
     I flew to Miami and boarded the beautiful liner with all the other baggage, getting stowed in the hold. The weather was balmy and perfect.
58  Captain UnderpantsgregDone213/23/2005
     You stop traffic while I wash this man's windshield! He will surely reward me with a big wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt, I look just like a bunny rabbit! Hop, hop, hop!" He giggled, as he flushed my goldfish down the toilet.
57  New Year's Resolutions!bonnieDone213/18/2005
     What are you thinking? Look at all those spots closer to the door!"
56  Saturday Morning's Cartoon MarathonbettyDone213/13/2005
    So the main characters set out to accomplish this mission: a difficult job which would take at least several days and certainly be a bonding experience, an adventure. This team of friends had agreed to buy all the ingredients to make homemade pizza.
55  Spy Base AlphagregDone213/8/2005
    Racing to the garages, we poured out bag after bag of cat litter in order to absorb the neutrons from the nuclear fission reaction.
54  Texas WinterbonnieDone203/3/2005
     Ah the warm desert air blowing from the west, bringing with it a great deal of heat. I wished I'd brought my sunglasses with me.
53  Christmas Shopping - 2004bettyDone202/26/2005
    My present to them will be 40 hours of community service. I'll be dragging my behind after I finish all this shopping. and buy a notepad for myself, so I can write down a list of people to whom we must send boxes of processed cheese and hard sausages.
52  Modeling AgencygregDone212/21/2005
    Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot! Blue lips are not sexy!" Why do I have to wear that hideous dress? Can't you see that it is too cold in here for a swimsuit shoot!
51  All I Need Is...bonnieDone212/16/2005
     How cute! His big brown eyes were gazing toward the girl relaxing on the park bench, eyes closed, gently rocking her head in time with whatever music was playing on her headphones.
50  My Summer at the Archeological DigbettyDone212/11/2005
     Yummy! They are still good after all these years! Give one to the director.
49  Shopping at Lowe'sgregDone202/6/2005
    With that, I checked that no one was looking and threw my M&M's wrapper into the display toilet.
48  Anorexia TherapybonnieDone212/1/2005
     Next, eat some ice cream. This should remind you of the pleasure of eating. anymore! Or in the children's section! You can finally eat whatever you please, whenever you please, even if it means you see the number on the scale go up one!
47  Building My New House!bettyDone231/27/2005
    "Hey, take those back down! You don't build a roof with wheels of gouda cheese! Are you insane?" "Well, at least I didn't try to dig a basement. I'm sure if I did I would have an underground playroom!
46  Ultimate Ninja IIgregDone211/22/2005
    Death was the order of the day (I suppose you could call a hamburger and french fries that!) Anyway who cares? Ultimate Ninja II would want everyone to remain respectfully quiet.
45  Election Day!bettyDone211/17/2005
     Finally Election Day was here! And early in the morning, all across the country, the vote counters were ready for the squads of illegal immigrants and communists to descend upon the voting booths, there to wipe down all surfaces with antibacterial scrub. It was necessary because all the candidates were secretly communists.
44  A Day in the Life of...bonnieDone201/12/2005
    I stepped out but he could hear the millions of soldier-ant feet marching, on the move to their next conquest was to round up all the squirrels and ship them to Alaska. They were getting tired of all that harrassment. Yeah, and how about that possum! Always eating all their expensive IAMS and bowls of sugar!
43  High School CarwashgregDone201/7/2005
     We even brougnt out the banners of eye-catching, colorful cloth were tied up in various locations around the perimeter of the parking lot for the purpose of raising money for the annual sack race.
42  Pushed Over the EdgebonnieDone211/2/2005
    The broken nose was so out of joint that breathing was difficult. Something had to be done! The doctor quickly cleaned the nostrils and inserted a peanut-butter sandwich into the VCR.
41  Cleaning Out the GaragebettyDone2112/28/2004
     Yeah, and there's no beans about it. That stuff has no life left. It needs to go to the auto dealership, because if I'm going to be able to park my car in this clean and roomy garage, I'm going to want it to be a new one!"
40  HULK SMASH!gregDone2012/23/2004
    Me prove it! Me dumb. Me stupid. Me go the wrong way on a one-way street. Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!" Luckily no one was eating at the time. The smell was horrific. Everyone made a dive for the only door. Unfortunately in their path was a deep hole from where the truck had landed.
39  Joining the PTAbonnieDone2012/18/2004
     The smooth, dark polished wood, rich carpeting and drapes, and extensive collection of leather-bound books always served to calm my racing mind. But today my concerns would not so easily be laid to rest.
38  Going to the County FairbettyDone2012/13/2004
    she said, " I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride. Look, I have the ticket stub right here, next to my prize-winning apple pie. Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head!
37  News at 11gregDone2012/8/2004
    Here with their opinions on this story are economics expert Bylo Sellhi, and psychologist Druggum Tilltheyzone: "It is simple to see that John Kerry is a drugged up spendthrift." The newscaster all agog at such a statement, quickly stuttered into a station break, and the first ad was about a block away from the scene.
36  Investigating VegetarianismbonnieDone2112/3/2004
    But don't worry. Here comes the bacon cheeseburger cart. And the fudge sundae cart behind that. Get ready to mash those soybeans and mold the tofu into shapes resembling flowers. Admittedly, that artistic effort, combined with the variety of color in the salad made it extraordinarily beautiful.
35  Boppy's Trip to TexasbettyDone2111/28/2004
    Through it, you could see the clouds down below and the heavy pollution surrounding her, asking her to please empty her pockets. Security measures, you know. So in the spirit of cooperation, we all trooped through the metal detector one by one.
34  Dance ClassbonnieDone2111/23/2004
    (SPLAT!) The class all laughed, because they knew she was just not the type. Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
33  The Minotaur KinggregDone2111/18/2004
     That soft cartilage is so sensitive, so easy to bleed, so tender and kind. I felt much better about the whole situation now that the lands no longer lived under the tyrannical ravages of the Minotaur King, the people would be free to laugh out loud, sleep in on weekends, and eat dessert at any time of day!
32  The Bizarre BazaarbonnieDone2011/13/2004
    I quickly moved aside just in time to avoid being trampled by the thundering hooves. As the dust settled and my panic eased, I calmly put my .357 Magnum back in its holster and continued my search for stuffed moose heads to hang on my office wall. I could find only one and it was moth-eaten and shedding bits of leprous skin with every step.
31  My Trip Around the WorldbettyDone2111/8/2004
    They were all holding uzis! The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater.
30  Downtown PrecinctgregDone2211/3/2004
    The sargeant will have our heads in we don't find them! Man! They were engraved with the signature of my arch-enemy, Boy Zinn Thehood!!" As if on cue, Thehood smashed down the door and rummaged through the connecting rooms. When he finally found the cash register, he looked at it and exclaimed, "
29  Growing Up on a FarmbettyDone2110/29/2004
     It just got hit by a tornado!" "If it was sturdier maybe it could've handled it better!" Clearly the stress of the situation was getting to everyone, but the bickering stopped when we heard a loud explosion coming from the outhouse.
28  The Dinosaur WorldbonnieDone2110/24/2004
    Something is destroying the village ahead!" They weren't scared. They had bombs, laser guns, machine guns, and they had a metal box that could change into a jet with a laser gun that could shoot stuff.
27  Gardening with BettygregDone2010/19/2004
     There is no better smell except for the smell of tulips, lavender, and freshly cut grass. Oh yes, and don't forget the fresh-baked biscuits that were brought to us by UPS, the BROWN people. We helped unload the truck and opened the boxes, and inside we found numerous ants! Streaming out of every crevice.
26  On the Open RoadbonnieDone2110/14/2004
    Weldon, that is, not the Rally's bags. She grabbed them and shook them. And then ran. Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud.
25  The International VillagebonnieDone2110/9/2004
     She easily picked up the noodles, and then deftly she reached into the bowl and she picked up a hockey stick and skated out onto the ice. "There's nothing like knocking the puck around in the light of the midnight sun!"
24  Weekend in ParisgregDone2110/4/2004
    But that's OK, you have to take the bad with the good. Paris was never known for good manners. All the Parisians are very aloof, treating anyone with a different accent as scum. For example, when I offered a little old lady my seat on a bus, she exclaimed, " Where's that music coming from?
23  Xander Goes ShoppingbettyDone229/29/2004
     Let's go find an ice cream freezer in this place, and look in it to see if we can find some quarters so we can play a few final video games before we have to go."
22  Fart DictionarybonnieDone219/24/2004
    And that was always a funny subject. The third fact is farts are stinky. Sometimes they can be REALLY stinky! And sometimes they're loud! Sometimes they're so loud they are deafening; so cacophonous they pierce your ears; so mind-boggling they make your butt steam!
21  Boot CampgregDone219/19/2004
    We thought that was a strange thing to do, because we had already just finished doing 100 push-ups. Needless to say, we were pretty exhausted, and ready for a break. We cautiously asked the drill sargeant if he would let us have some more corned beef hash before we had to do another 100 push-ups.
20  Good Old Pop's Drive-inbettyDone219/14/2004
    They were such a happy bunch! So happy that they cheered, in chorus, "GROUP HUG!" And enthusiastically reached all around each other, jumping up and down and laughing. His anger turned to confusion. There was no escape. The joyful ringing of their laughter reached all the way to Route 17.
19  Going Back to CollegebettyDone219/9/2004
     I gasped. An old lady, bent with age, shuffled out of the shadows. "You thought this place was abandoned because it is so dirty and unkempt, but that is the way the students like it. It reminds them of home. They don't want neat! They don't want orderly! They don't want work!
18  If You Give a Mouse a CookiebonnieDone219/4/2004
    They were always one step ahead of us, always anticipating a gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music. I listen to it nice and loud, and it rocks me to sleep, no pun intended!
17  Our Summer VacationbettyDone218/30/2004
     There's nothing like freshening up after a long wait in the line for the "Vomitous Maximus Tilt-O-Whirl", we finally got to ride it!
16  Trapped in a MinegregDone218/25/2004
     So he took one stick, and he cut it into one inch pieces and used them to start a fire. someone complained, "You'll use up all our air!"
14  Our Visit to the LibrarybonnieDone218/15/2004
    REVENGE IS SWEET, AND A DISH BEST SERVED COLD!!" By this time the cops had arrived and everything got very confusing after that.
13  Stress Reduction TechniquesbonnieDone238/10/2004
     That is an excellent way to direct energy. Positive in through the nose, negative out through the chimney and up, up, the explosion launched debris 30 feet into the air. Bonnie immediately began stuffing more explosives into the fireplace and said "I feel less stressed already!
12  My New Job at Burger KingbettyDone208/5/2004
    I didn't know what to do, the meat had been sitting all night unrefrigerated. Who in the world let that happen?! The early morning drive-thru lane was already backing up. Should we use the meat anyway, or should we ask the customers to leave and go somewhere that doesn't suck?
11  Cooking with GrandmabettyDone227/31/2004
    But not just any orc blood. The orc blood this recipe called for had to be room temperature. But they were cold, fresh out of the frig. Being in a hurry, she held them to her belly in order to warm their little wet bodies. Poor little things, all soaked and cold, she then took them one by one and gently rubbed them with a towel.
10  Ultimate NinjagregDone227/26/2004
    he exclaimed. "How can we practice our rolls with all this stuffing coming out?" he said. " We can take them and subject them to my newest ultimate move: Swirling Vortex of Thousand-Hand Doom!" He stealthily lunged out from under cover, and they immediately began shooting 360 degrees around their location, blowing away over half the threat in the first 4 seconds.
 Wall Street BluesgregDone227/16/2004
     Hand it over or I will give you a million dollars in exchange for leaving the country and never mentioning this again!" Extending his hand, Greg expected a benefits package which includes prescription and dental. Would you choose blue chip stocks or penny stocks?
 Going into SpacebettyDone217/11/2004
     What bummer!" So they hurried to put on their Superman underwear, because it was as inspiring as nothing else is.
 Ye Olde Medieval DaysbettyDone217/1/2004
    "Yes!" The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord." Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
 Barrister the Lawyer CatbettyDone216/26/2004
     Let me get a closer look too, said Barrister. But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent.
 The Big ConundrumbettyDone216/21/2004
     "I know," Betty said, "Let's go to the library and do research about Guinea Worms. You know how to get them out of your leg, don't you? You take a thin stick and snap it in two with a single karate chop.
 Woo baby!gregDone216/16/2004
    "You deep-fried carrots sticks???" Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans.
 Big ComputergregDone186/11/2004
    Greg whined. But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures. Therefore I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good. And the best place for that will be in the kitchen, where the food is. Greg nodded slowly and deliberately as he reached for the Ovaltine.