Betty's Turn-Down Game

Welcome! (Login / Request an account) There are 170 stories in the system.

Please select a story to view:

Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
And when they say, "I don't want ANY Spam! then I'll reply, "You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen!! You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen! Can you not see that bird's nest? In that tree, right up there! You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel. Whee! Let's go ride it!
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Yar! Just 2 more weeks and we will have an extra hour of daylight! I welcome that as much as I welcome having more hours of daylight to work outside in the yard, there's also something to be said for the comfort of a sherpa blanket.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
Look how much there is, we could eat all day!" I nearly gagged at the idea. "I'm not really hungry," I said, " 2 bites and I am full.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Dang Sith. Dang them straight to heck. But anyway, that's okay because we'll fry it later.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
The maestro glared and sighed. Everyone was staring because they had never seen anyone throwing beans in the river before.
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
I checked the time: it was 3 AM. That was the last straw. mode and headed for the outdoor johnny house. Yes my cousin and I painted it blue inside!
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
Something massive and unprecedented was stirring beneath the surface, and it was probably angry. It was impossible to deny: Sweet dreams are made of cheese / Who am I to dis a brie? / I cheddar the world and the feta cheese / Everybody's looking for stilton.
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
I am sending her back to the manufacturer! Sending IT back. This was the most disappointing robotic vacuum I had ever used. 1 star! It got caught on everything! it even got stuck on logistics. Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
And now you know why this IHOP menu is framed and hanging on the wall. A bit of a lunkhead friend, though, considering when I asked him to give us an autograph, he grabbed the nearest thing to do it on. And now you know why this IHOP menu is framed and hanging on the wall.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
When the martini glasses were all empty, we washed them with our carpet shampooer. That thing has really come in handy! After that, the obvious problem to solve then was put the Tranformers together and invite my friends over.
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Ethan and Xander were bored one day, and had the bright idea of starting a forest fire just for the hell of it. battery chargers... ummm... I know I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, also while we are here, I would like to have a picnic!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
They were not even rusty! We tried and tried to pull them out, but we had woven that basket so tightly, they were firmly stuck.
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
I think the best remedy would be to spray a powerful broad spectrum commercial mold remover and disinfectant. That should remove all concern about anybody going through my trash. All those bank statements, etc., you don't want people to know your every little insecurity!"
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
Certainly the smells there would be delightful! Wow! Thinking about that, why am I even still considering other jobs?? But this is an important decision, so I'll keep thinking. There's something to be said for being out in the sunshine and fresh air, so maybe I should think about wearing rubber gloves when I am washing the dishes at Jim's.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
Sure enough, out the viewport, I saw a giant squid! so there was only one solution for that = a heaping helping of whoopass. I said, "Nothing can grow in space, it's completely inhospitable!"
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Nor should you neglect to shine a flashlight into all the dark corners.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
The table full of jocks nearby were laughing their heads off, but little did they know what was lurking behind the door of the Chemistry Lab... They all trooped in and lo, and behold, there waiting for them was Hulk Hogan!
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
I know! We can give them bowls of scorpions! We scooped them up during our daily desert hike. The sneaky bastards tried to sting us but we were too smart for them.Once we had about 50 of them, we were ready to proceed.
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
That makes driving safer because I was wearing my hiking boots that had traction straps stretched around them. These featured steel posts that would dig into the ice so you can melt the snow so you can flush your toilet! Too bad your electricity went off. To keep warm, you can wrap up in layers of warm clothing.
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
I always like to sit down in a peaceful place to eat my pizza. But it is okay to have some background music like the theme music from the movie, "
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
I put it into the same category as washing the dog: every day is overkill, but waiting a month is too long." We could probably agree it's the same with grocery shopping: Don't shop when you are hungry! Because if you are hungry, you will probably end up getting frustrated.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Do I need to attend a focus group? And if I did, who would be there? Well, obviously Buzz, Moocher, Ace, The Kid, and Big Toot will be there. Other than that, who would be there? Maybe some hopeful whiners and a few frowning judges.
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Of course there will be a need for towels to wipe up the floor after the shaving cream fight! Of course Xander won because he had the best aim, and because he also had the best laundry hamper in the whole building, word got around and students were constantly knocking on his door to see it!
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
Or as big as they were before they let all the water out of the pool, they decided to wash the dog, so they soaped him up and then poured over him a bucket of chum in the backseat."
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
There's something most people have never heard of, as they go about their ordinary lives, everyone is stumped about what in the world a stump vine is! I looked it up on wikipedia and it said a stump vine is just a another name for a happening that is probably rare where they live, but a common occurrence around these parts.
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
Why is it that laundry never seems to end?!?! It's almost like flushing a commode on a windy day! Hey! Would that really matter?? Yeah, probably would matter as much as Hillary Clinton is able to tell the truth.
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
We gathered all of that together and put them in a laundry basket."
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
It had disappeared ! Maybe we should look for it in the shoe store! I know there are tons of photos to go through and sort. We should put the ones of Xander and Ethan in a special embossed hankerchief. It had the monogram "A", which I thought stood for "Ackerson", but it actually was 4 hours before we finally got out of Costco !
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
I am so bored!! I might as well take a nap. It's cold & cloudy today, so I am going to find my fur gloves and my fur hat, and put them on my dresser next to my collection of Birkenstocks and in fact, they were taking up so much floor space, that I had to rearrange a few things so that it would boil and roil and steam was rising rapidly.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
I was ready to start my new life! Confronted with a mob of irritated neighbors, I ran back into the house and packed! I was ready to start my new life! Perfectly pressed and tailored, it did wonders for my mood, and I felt so happy and confident, I called up all my friends and invited them over for a little thing we like to call an "Intervention."
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
If only I had gone to a reputable mafioso, I would have been able to get a successful hit ordered for the guy who makes all the deliveries. They're so busy this time of year, one guy has to drive two trucks!
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
so we decided to get a second composter. We started by putting in kitchen scraps. Over time, the bugs, the beetles, and the worms digested the compost, and quietly turned it into rich soil.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
Surprised, she tried to scrape off the slimey skin but underneath she was shocked to find a handful of rare and fragrant Allegra roses! Leaning in close, she could see tiny maggots !
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
I was hoping to catch it before it fell into the raging river down below. Unfortunately, just at the last second, I slipped in the mud and slid right into a big pile of manure. That was the last straw! He had had it! He was mad as hell, and wasn't going to take a long time to get through all that!
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
by Dig Hay Zoose, and came out in 1993. band. I first heard about them when they appeared as my Wiki Word of the Day. Another stupid bunch of words. Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Then I carefully placed them side by side in a plastic tray. I carried it over to the Speights to see what their opinion would be.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Who cares anyway as long as you get enough Vitamin D. But that might be tricky to manage AT MIDNIGHT! You'll have to rely on supplements or special blended shakes fortified with lead?!?!?
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
The name of it was Clash of the Terrible Twos. Unpredicatable, delightful, exhausting, outrageous and wonderful, the new ring tone was delightful.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
I will give you a big fat wallet full of money if you will go over there and smack that bully. We are all getting tired of this continual harassment.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I am sure I lost some. We want to make our own peanut butter in our new electric hot tub. It's great! The only drawback is that our refrigerator is on the blink and all the food is slowly spoiling.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
That arrangement is perfect for the high school piano recital. We had been practicing for weeks, and had finally Kissed the day goodbye with a drop to the pillow. But, why then could he not get off his duff and help me?!! Sweat was running into my eyes, mosquitoes were biting me, and worst of all, the only solution I could find online was to use pesticide.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Mmmmmm gooood!!!! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!! So good! Mmmmm. Mmmmmm gooood!!!!
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
You will see gigantic rocks like you have never seen before! I nudged up against one, and it started to move toward a shady spot under a rock.
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
His authoritative tone irked me, so I took particular care in minding who was sitting next to me. I was watching for turbans, scarves, and most of all I was mindful of the gap.
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
So she placed a variety out and on the table they saw plate after plate of pewter plates showing Plato doing pilates while drawing palatable doodles on a pallette with a Pilot pen, and dreaming about piloting.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
It was a .38 revolver which I bought at the Dollar General Store. They were having a big sale and on the main shelves were stacks of old magazines that I had never read.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
Put some thought into all the good deeds you would like to do in the coming year.For instance if your neighbor needed his garbage taken to the dump, You could take it to the printer's and have it bound.
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
26....where was it??I found all of it in the back of the car. The first step is to acquire the presents. Second, you have to get someone to put their finger in the middle of a bow, so you can pull out just as much as you need.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Sweet lifeblood of our glorious mother country, it falls like water from the skies and collects in pools. Children from the nearby village came running, naked, to dive into a particularly deep collection of sweet, sweet, silvery alcohol. As they jumped into the pool, the spray stung my eyes and my nose!
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
"What!" I exclaimed. "I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER." I stared quizzically at Vladimir Putin, who was in turn staring intensely at a full-size horse and licking his lips.
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
Of course, this was completely ludicrous to me because I always like to play solo and joining a team at this juncture would be such a bad idea that my Hot Pockets supply would be depleted, and I would also run out of a deep dark tunnel lined with spider webs and hanging from the ceiling were bats!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
Maybe one choice would be Mr. T. I pity the fool! Quit your jibba-jabba! I ain't flying in no plane, you crazy alien from Mars! How did you get here? I bet you traveled on a expired visa! Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
WRONG! You can also use Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil. And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
I so don't want to fry my new game console! Maybe I better flick this switch to "off". Then switch it back to "on". Then I started flicking it back and forth rapidly, making the lights in the room flash like a cheap rave.
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
Then some other people also stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and with great gusto, they sang "
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face! Take that! I ran away cackling like a slowly creeping snail and everywhere it went it gathered oodles of poodles and strudels with noodles.
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots.
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call the plumber! This is a job for a professional! Do not try to eat beans that have not been cooked long enough.. They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
To test it, we inserted a non-compete clause into the document. It now read, "I (fill in your name) will not directly or indirectly engage in any business that competes with the cupboard of Old Mother Hubbard."
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
It looked like a gigantic tortoise, heaving up out of the earth. Strange as this was, it only got weirder as relatively small automobiles started spilling out of its mouth. Unfazed, I looked down at my watch, and realized it was time for buying a new gas-guzzling SUV.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
"I THOUGHT I saw a passenger carrying a suspiciously-shaped bag. I was scared that in it would be a basket of fruit. like a nice day at the beach with relaxing waves, shimmering sunlight, and lots of ketchup for the French fries.
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
"You look like a street walker!" I exclaimed. "You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances!
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
He had to order pizza to be delivered to the lab and the toppings were a choice from four: The four edible choices were BBQ beef brisket, chicken tetrazini, grilled salmon, or a Popburger.
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
We couldn't see a thing. The darkness was so complete it was like a solid thing--a suffocating blanket of oblivion that clung to our faces and enveloped us in its lifeless embrace. After 30 seconds (which seems like an eternity, given that we could still hear it breathing), we finally found our car in the parking lot after looking for 2 hours !!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Put them back into the empty egg cartons where they will be safe. Then put the egg cartons on top of the crates of rockets that we got from GI Joe's military surplus. For the love of all that's holy, don't bump them! That's a good egg. Now also watch out for jugs of dirty car oil, because if you were to accidentally kick one over, your foot would probably end up kicking the butt of somebody who just wandered into your garage and started messing everything up.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
I could only find silver of course. I took the strands out of the bag and placed them one by one on the shooting gallery.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies. we are doomed...... But by that point there must have been at least 1,000 zombies! They were now known to be in cahoots with the left wing red diaper doper babies.
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
And the first thing to do is play a few missions in City Of Heroes just to get your blood flowing. The next thing to do would be have a fire sale! Anything that didn't get sold would become kindling for the bonfire that would be against my better judgment to put the white underwear into the same drawer as the colored butterflies streamed through the sewer line so fast that everyone thought, "
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
It was then we realized our next stop had to be a chinese restaurant. because big drops of sweat were pouring down my face. It was just so hot that I had to grab the hat and hurl it into a guy's open car window as I shot past him on the interstate.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
When we were finished we must have totaled at least 1000 kills in the 3 hours we spend running through the sewers. We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked. It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
First into each eye we will put some Vicodin in your hand. A couple of these and you won't feel a thing! I should know, I use them whenever I am doing brain surgery. One day I misplaced them and believe it or not I found them in the dumpster next to Chase Arbor Commons.
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
But just as he was walking on stage, his grand entrance was spoiled by inferior weapons. Abiathar needed the pulverizer hammer which would be even stronger if he was carrying a load of dynamite in order to tie up Abiathar!
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
OH NO, I must not die. In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
One bladder-full of liquid waste would wreak havoc with my expensive Mantis tiller, which is however so lightweight, that I can carry it with one hand, while I walk around the block six or seven times.
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart! she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares. "Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!"
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
A golden drop of perspiration gently made a rivulet down my forehead and off the tip of my spoiler! That's how slippery this car is. It moves through air like a hot knife through butter.
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
And the best way to do that is to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible; otherwise the patient will ask for more Jello pudding than we can hope to provide. Instead, we gave him two strawberry Twinkies which worked remarkably well, considering that he was dangerously close to defaulting on his car loan.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
Rogers of Mr. Rogers Windows! Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills?
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
Yum! It was crunchy and really really tasty! I gathered up a few and put them in my pocket so I could give them to the police officer when he hauled me in for questioning before being charged with trespassing.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
I was tired of all this foreign stuff. I was ready for some authentic foreign cuisine to help get me in the mood for more lingo. So we got cream pies in the face from those angry Frenchmen.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
First I put on a jacket, gloves, and on my head, I put a red nose on the reindeer and called him Rudolph. Just like the song goes: "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Take one down, and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
It's so sparkly, it must be alive! I wondered what would happen if I touched it, so I did. And guess what happened?!! = It exploded with the force of a 1,000 thermonuclear bombs, carving a massive crater out of the side of the moon and creating a ring around the earth, which persisted forever and ever.
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
I was thinking Goldman and Sachs. I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately!
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
Already, I could hear the sound of heavy traffic. This made me feel very much like an Ugly American. I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side).
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift.
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
Orrrder uuuuuup!" To which the manager, confused, replies, " Yo man, why you do me like dat? I'm the shizzle for my nizzle. And you know you're not allowed to eat mistakes!
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
Soon they were all covered with red raspberry juice. When the first group saw them, they gasped "What big pumpkins!" They must weigh at least 100 pounds! We could only use them for smashing into peoples' front doors when they had sucky Halloween candy.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
There's no title, no subject...How would I begin to know what you mean? I think you should take a break now in order to crush those who oppose us." He then tried to use the cash register, but it exploded! Into a million pieces of pillow filling! bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
In less than one minute we would look out the window and see whether we can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. It's very hard to do. But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
"Hey! she whispered quickly. he exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You never learned to touch-type?!! You must have gone to school in West Virginia! Did they have electricity? Indoor plumbing? Well, they sure didn't have any computers, because who knows what germs are lurking on the keyboard left over from the last class?!!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Let me demonstrate, Kent." Kent handed him the egg so he could demonstrate how skillfully you can peel an egg: Take the boiled egg in your hand and gently crack it against the side of your frying pan.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
Hahaha! We put them in the bathtub because it's just easier to wipe two bottoms at the same time. To do this, you just need a lot of patience.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
I mean it. They must be major weightlifters because that's exactly what it sounds like: dumbells on the floor next to my barbell and other weight equipment.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
They always have lots of salty snacks handy and lots of little packages of sweet cakes made with 100% extra-virgin olive oil. All the monounsaturated oil made it count! Because I say, if you're not going to spend enough money on a motel room, you will end up staying in a dump, probably infested with carpetbaggers.
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
What a hero he is! He sacrificed winning just so he could get the inside lane advantage! The excitement was electric! Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover, but boy was that fun!
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
With all that water you could probably survive by drinking sand. You never know until you try!
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Here, take this tape measure and see what your KNEES look like! Now that's what I call slim! Next thing you know, you'll be able to actually see your toes instead of your belly and put your wedding ring on without using petroleum jelly!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
In fact we must have already sold at least 20 of them and our cash flow was now a total of about $3.25. But who's counting, really?
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
Little do they know there are hidden bombs on board. And only I know the code to release them.
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
"Oh really? she said with a wink. Great googlely-mooglely...that was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said! Well, after hearing that, I was ready to sharpen all my pencils, and I discovered I need to go buy a new pocketsize spiral notebook and a black power cable.
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I could not afford to have them do that diagnostic test, so I told him, "That's okay, I probably don't need both kidneys.
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
"Well, you didn't expect him to throw up on it, did you? Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
It would be a better idea to just call Lowe's next time and have them do it - It'd be worth it!
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
Ha ha! I thought to myself, "Little do they know that the electrical outlets are installed upside down. All their cute little night lights will always be upside down--cackle cackle. THAT will teach them to use acetone to clean the hardwood floors.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
That's life in the Space Marines!!! Her favorite thing to talk about is how she's going to marry that new recruit that she met from talking to on the phone, if they survive the latest mission, that is."
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly. I open the supply cabinet and what do I find? whoa, a flashback to me graduation party.
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm in it for the quality time and cultural enlightenment. After all, who would know that the slacker pizza cook would just put a smattering of cheese on my pizza!
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
To really improve tings feel free to add garlic -- 4 or 5 cloves. And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!" We all breathed a collective sigh of relief and proceeded to dig in.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Because people will notice and say "He's all about style! How cool is that?" I'll tell ya; it's VERY COOL. Just say "Aayyy!", be cool, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses, your sunscreen, and most of all don't forget your comb, even if you don't need it because your hair's so cool already.
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
The biggest I've ever seen. In fact, so big, that it wouldn't even fit in the grinder. "Where'd you get that bean?" I exclaimed. She replied, "I really wanted one of those cookies I got last time.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
The weather was balmy and perfect. It seemed a good time to take a walk around the deck and breathe in a lot of fresh fish! "That's amazing!"
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
He had super strength, could fly, was invulnerable, yet was about as smart as a brick. His nemesis, Professor Poopypants, won a blue ribbon at the county fair for producing the longest poop--a record hard to beat. But he was going to try anyway, and to practice he was going to crash!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
We got all-black clothes, work gloves, and a 10-foot-long boa constrictor which was slowly and methodically wrapping around every square foot of cellulite.
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
"What's the deal with all the psychedelic colors?" She replied, "They did a study and found that children as young as 14 months would show a preference for brands they had seen advertised on TV!" Marketing firms know how much parents want to make their kids happy. It's all about finding the sources of disposable cellphones.
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
Racing to the garages, we poured out bag after bag of cat litter in order to absorb the neutrons from the nuclear fission reaction. It was going to go critical! We only had seconds to release the valves on the new oxygen tanks! We were successful with ten seconds to spare and then some bozo struck a match...............
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
Fanning myself and perspiring, I went inside to cool off. The A/C was cranked up (or is it down?), fortunately. I had some ice cream and once I was cooled off I ran back outside to warm up. Ah the warm desert air blowing from the west, bringing with it a great deal of heat.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
I must make a list of people whom I want to give back to the community. My present to them will be 40 hours of community service.
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
She's a door. The next girl can pose on this poof chair. It is shaped like a high-heeled shoe. How mod! I wonder who thought up that idea. It must have been Mr. Fleschmarkt who authorized that! You know it's against procedure to wear more clothes than can be stored in a purse.
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep! If I could just get that, everything else would fall into place.
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
Give one to the director. Here, put this one in his pocket!" I considered that, but decided it would be better to just hand it to him and let him put it in his pipe and smoke it. He doesn't deserve half the credit he's getting on this dig, and I intend to catalog every single piece of bone that I can find unlike the other slacker diggers who every day haphazardly would just come along, completely disregarding any scholarly integrity, and REFILL the holes with dirt from various random locations , because we couldn't seem to find a single location that met all our criteria for what we had in mind for the recruitment ad.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
In which case, you should start over. As much of a headache that is, it'll be even worse if you led mold take control.
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
You may end up being bulimic, but at least that won't kill you. Probably. Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!"
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
Therefore most ninjas tend to sleep only 2 hours at a time. Then it's back to the gym to practice yoga and sip nutritional frothy ice cream sodas! "I can't believe we get such a treat!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
You IDIOT! Where is your voting card? And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are.
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
He soon heard that Spot next door was wearing a flea collar. What a wimp. Barrister has no use for such "jewelry". Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder! The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We even brougnt out the banners of eye-catching, colorful cloth were tied up in various locations around the perimeter of the parking lot for the purpose of raising money for the annual sack race. We would need a lot of sacks this year and big ones-- big enough to hold all the money people were giving us.
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
How could she get her toddler to hurry? He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that. All she wanted was to get him to the car and buckled in as fast as possible. He didn't understand the concept of shining a sink. What's the big deal?
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
Breathing deeply, I inhaled a great cloud of mold and mildew. Argh! I cannot take this any longer! So I grabbed the can of gasoline, pulled out a book of matches, and debated whether to vote for George Bush or John Kerry.
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
Me dumb. Me stupid. Me go the wrong way on a one-way street. Me knock you into the middle of the walls of the building across the alleyway!" Luckily no one was eating at the time. The smell was horrific.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
I could tell because of the short shorts, and the brightness of his pink shirt hurt my eyes. I just looked the other way, because the PTA President had a booger on her nose. It was drooping down and looked older than dirt! "Who's that?" I asked.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
Look, I have the ticket stub right here, next to my prize-winning apple pie. Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head! but we grabbed him and wanted to turn him inside out, if you know what I mean.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
Hurricane Bonnie had wiped out all of the office staff. Without meeting the deadlines on the paperwork, dozens of suspects would go free! Frantically, the police captain called a temp agency. They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom.
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles." They figured I could use more protein and the oil from the stir-fry would satiate my hunger because the fat becomes trans-fat and demolishes your electrolyte balance; thereby making you feel dizzy and giving you a craving for filet mignon, wrapped in bacon and smothered in mushrooms and fried onions.
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Spicy is good! Good for the immune system! Good for your mood! It's even good for fryin' up that armadillo you done run right over with your dang ol' truck.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Their only recourse was to join the Army. Fortunately, they breezed through all the physical training and went on to become decorated infantry.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
He howled, more in anger than pain for nothing could make a person madder than a knock on the nose. That soft cartilage is so sensitive, so easy to bleed, so tender and kind.
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
I don't know which I like better: Looking from a distance at the whole structure, or up close at the details such as how far we'll have to swim to get to land if our ship sank. Fortunately, we didn't have to worry about that because we had eaten so much pizza for lunch.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
I knew I had to be careful not to talk too much, or I would blow my cover. I really needed a better disguise.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
I set out to be the fastest, bestest, rootin'-tootin'est cow milker in the whole state. To limber myself up I scampered up the ladder into the hay loft and jumped up and down in the hay. Then I took a flying leap into the big pile of you-know-what!
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
I'm so sweaty." Everyone agreed and started looking around. "Look at all these fossilized bones.
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
Especially if your own son is a pothead!! No, better yet dig it up with a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants, and then you can make some REAL cashola! Especially if your own son is a pothead!!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
Weldon, that is, not the Rally's bags. She grabbed them and shook them. And then ran. Kicking up dust, hollering at women, and playing music too loud.
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
Luckily, Rosita's father had a good catch of fish from earlier that day.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
Be sure to securely fasten your bungee cord before you jump!" That is, if I'm ever even at the Eiffel Tower again! We knew we were going to see lots of interesting sights, but we sure weren't expecting that! I kicked the dude in the nuts as hard as I could.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
Help me Ethan! Let's see if the robbers are still in the parking lot." We dashed out and found them sitting in a puddle of urine. They didn't get to the bathroom in time! "Oh well," I said, "Who wants those old toys made in China anyway?
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
they're actually farting in harmony! Now that's what I call skilled. When they heard us say that, they immediately began farting in unison.
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I soon decided barefoot was good........if your feet were hot. But not good if your feet were covered with blisters, stuck with splinters, and if the ground oozed with the green slime from that pond we sloshed through earlier, while holding up our rifles so they wouldn't get wet!
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
They were such a happy bunch! So happy that they cheered, in chorus, "GROUP HUG!"
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
I could see that there were old professors lying around everywhere. Some were nibbling jelly doughnuts and drinking coffee; some perusing the Wall Street Journal, and some were just livid that tuition had gone up again.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
Martin! Do you have any CHEESE?!! We want CHEESE!! We ain't had nothin' to eat for three stinkin' days but this moldy bread. Yeah, and we need some meats! And to go with that some milk!" And if you give him some milk, he will lap it up very delicately all the while holding his little pinky high in the air.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
It scared me too much and when I got to the bottom, I hit a Honda Civic! But since I was in a Hummer, i just kind of rolled over him and kept on going." "That's terrible, who would have thought ice cream could melt so fast!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
I am afraid I am going to fall into a dead end! Stunned with discouragement, no one spoke for a few moments. "I wish we had a stereo. Then we could listen to tunes while waiting to be rescued." "Are you nuts?!" I exclaimed. "How can you think about food at a time like this?
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"You fools!" He cried in anguish, "Can't you see we're trapped? It's our only chance!"
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
If we could all just CALM DOWN! Everyone please take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall! (giggle!)" About an hour later we were all too drunk to stand up, but we sure weren't stressed anymore. Bonnie exclaimed, "
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
I get to get up way early and open. I get to spread big slabs of lard on the grill, before I start frying the sausage. All the customers just love the big hot greasy patties served with generous chunks of meat.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
But not just any orc blood. The orc blood this recipe called for had to be room temperature. But they were cold, fresh out of the frig. Being in a hurry, she held them to her belly in order to warm their little wet bodies.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
Then they all stood in a circle and shouted the team's motto long and loud. And that motto was " Dance like no one's watching!" "I don't care what anyone thinks , real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!" With that, he jumped into the air doing a phoenix burning somersault, and launched himself into a flying killer leap, landing on his arch enemy and completely smashing his record for number of enemies smashed with a single swing of his Bayou Croc Crescent Kick.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
This was ordered by someone other than I! I would never want cream or sugar in my coffee. I want it black, black, black with extra coffee.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
Because of the low gravity, the buildings were very tall, so tall, in fact, that they were able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. In fact... exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
The Earl replied with a bow, "And I named the cheese after thee, milord." Then the Count called all the servants together to tell them the bad news: They would no longer get free sandwiches until the draconian taxes levied by the Duke of Hazzarde were removed.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
What was happening?!! Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store!
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Podunk U.?!! Your degree must have been written with invisible ink!" He started to sit down, but then yelled again, "
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
What a challenge! There just had to be a way to satisfy all the parties involved. Maybe if he bought more turkey pepperoni everyone would be happier. After all who wants on their pizza those dripping greasy carrot sticks.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures.