Betty's Turn-Down Game

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Story ID	Title	Creator	Status	Num Entries	Date Finished
174	Springtime in Virginia	betty	Done	22	12/27/2022
then I'll reply, "You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen!! You are the biggest dummy I have ever seen! Can you not see that bird's nest? In that tree, right up there! You can see it, right next to the big ferris wheel.
173	Daylight Saving Time !	betty	Done	23	4/21/2021
Who keeps a jar of real eyeballs? It's like a cry for help, or something.
172	A Winter Day in the Wilderness	bonnie	Done	22	2/15/2021
However I will never turn down a big bowl of Whoop-Ass! You can set it right next to this bigger can of Whoop-Ass!" Some distance away, a browsing elk suddenly lifted his head.
171	Oh, the weather outside is frightful...	betty	Done	22	12/31/2020
My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events.
170	The McAvoys' Big Turkey Dinner!	betty	Done	23	1/13/2020
Hurry! Hurry! Turn off the lights! Pretend we're not home! We don't have enough food for all those people! Just kidding! We actually sold the turkey for bail money! Now get in, loser. We're headed for the Mexican border. Would you pass the TV remote control? I need to find out what the score is.
169	A Breath of Fresh Air	bonnie	Done	22	11/15/2019
This is a private beach. No one invited you to this quilting meeting. Scram."
168	Toiling at 3 a.m.	betty	Done	22	10/13/2019
If I keep it up, folks will start to never take me seriously and I may even lose friends. Well, e-friends anyway. Those were the ones I trolled the most.
167	The Reckoning of the Kiwis	xander	Done	22	7/28/2019
But little did the inhabitants know, today would be the last normal day in a long time. Well, no matter what else is going on, everybody knows the most important thing to have is drinking water. The best thing we could think to do was to head downhill and try to find some durian fruit! I haven't had any for hours and I'm starting to go into withdrawal!
166	Somebody's Gotta Do It !	betty	Done	22	7/8/2019
Sometimes I had to open a can of sardines! I pulled back the lid and the smell was questionable, like peanut butter mixed with half and half and a dollop of warm heavy cream.
165	I love Thunderstorms !	betty	Done	21	6/10/2019
When we asked him if he had heard the news, he said " On a day when it's rainy and stormy all day, that's the best kind of day to just relax in your favorite chair, read a book and take a nap.
164	Wrapping those Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	23	1/9/2019
It was truly a monumental day. Everyone was happy. Everyone was full of good food. And everyone vowed, "I won't stop until I get my revenge on you!" It was then I finally realized as I reflected on everything that had happened, that this had truly been the best Christmas ever!
163	Let's Set Fire to the Woods	xander	Done	21	12/7/2018
Can't have a fire without matches. For good measure he also grabbed a can of whoopass should do the tric' Nevertheless, let us with all due diligence seek to find a pool of water or a stream or something to put the fire out!
162	Some Kind of Adventure	xander	Done	23	9/10/2018
Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" Now what? Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player. I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open....
161	That Garage !	betty	Done	22	8/9/2018
What to do?? Well you have to start somewher' Why not start in this corner where there is an unnecessary collection of used tissues. I couldn't discard them, because what if the Illuminati found them and extracted my DNA from the snot?
160	I need a Summer Job ! What should it be ?	betty	Done	24	8/3/2018
And I could become friends with all the nice men in the cute orange jumpsuits who were already out there in the wild blue yonder. Anyway I also thought Bill Miller's Barbecue might be a good place to work.
159	A large, healthy tuft of stump grass	bonnie	Done	22	7/18/2018
We protected our eyes and ears with homemade insecticide, made with vinegar, water, and a tablespoon of Miracle-Gro should do the trick I also thought a little pruning would help, so I pulled out of my pocket my pair of tweezers. I always carry them with me in case anyone needs them because they have a splinter or a tick or a stray unwanted hair, or in case they have a stray unwanted coyote wandering around, digging in the trash, chasing rabbits.
158	Cleaning up after Milo the Mouse	betty	Done	21	7/11/2018
Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Now all that's required to make everything perfect is celebrate good times, come on! Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Maybe he is resting in a soft bowl of potpourri to freshen the air.
157	Taking a Walking Tour of the UTSA Campus	betty	Done	22	7/6/2017
They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym.
156	San Antonio Vacation	greg	Done	22	5/27/2017
HOW ABOUT A NICE SPRINKLING OF HOT HOT HOT SRIRACHA SAUCE !!!" That will make everybody want to go to the Alamo! Enjoy your time there, but there's more! Right across the street was a dog kennel for stray dogs of all sizes. I walked across and peeked through the fence and saw himself!
155	Will That Snow Ever Melt? !	betty	Done	21	2/5/2017
What's going on?" And so I wake in the morning and I step outside just to get a breath of fresh, crisp, cold air, but what do I get?!! I get instead a blast of the past. It's 80s music everywhere!
154	Different Pizza Toppings	greg	Done	21	1/11/2017
MMMM! DELICIOUS! We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS! I've been waiting for at least 60 minutes we were in a quandary of what to do... We finally decided to DIG IN! MMMM! DELICIOUS!
153	But I don't want to!	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2016
First we went to Cosco and loaded up on lots of wood glue, posterboard, hammers, and nuclear material. That's everything we need for assembling a Gatling gun! And just in time, too.
152	We Need More Enthusiasm !	betty	Done	22	10/16/2016
Maybe some hopeful whiners and a few frowning judges. It's always a boost to the self-confidence when the person in charge starts ranting and raving, maybe someone needs to pour on his head a bucket of vomit! It was from the party last night! Everyone drank too much, and everyone will clap and cheer when they see it!
151	Xander's New Dorm Room	bonnie	Done	21	9/9/2016
Move-in day! We all got to see Xander's room for the very first time! It's on the second floor, overlooking the placid lake, so blue and relaxing, and what is that swimming over the surface? It must be a family of enthusiastic UTSA alumni! They're delighted with the constant flow of free T-shirts, hors d'oeuvres, gift bags, and lanyards with name tags that say, "
150	Trying to Keep Cool !	betty	Done	22	8/20/2016
As each one of them came back to consciousness, They said, " Excuse me, could we please get ten pounds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!"
149	The Stump Vine	bonnie	Done	21	4/26/2016
They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use. For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine!
148	Laundry	colleen	Done	20	4/2/2016
And the name of it was " Your dearest wish come true." Oh! Well, in that case, we should string up some clothesline in the back yard. One end we could wrap around the big pine tree, and the other end we could tie to the neck of an ISIS terrorist!
147	It's snowing!!!	colleen	Done	29	2/22/2016
I tried that ONE time, and it was getting deeper and deeper! Would we be even able to get out of the house?? We went to look for the snow shovel, but instead found the manhole cover that had been lost for two months! "This is fantastic!" I said, "I could sell this for $50,000 and send Ethan to William and Mary Law School!
145	Bonnie is Coming for a Visit !!	betty	Done	21	2/5/2016
With that, he turned on his heel and and phoned for the men in white to bring a strait jacket.
144	Heeeelllllloooooo there!!!	colleen	Done	20	1/10/2016
That was effective, and I was able to get on with my work selling potholders door to door.
143	Resolutions for the New Year !	betty	Done	22	1/9/2016
You aren't a cow!!" Who knew organic farming could be so aggravating that I decided to rewrite the whole list. Starting again with #1, I pledged to try again.
142	Ordering Online Christmas Presents !	betty	Done	21	12/14/2015
The only one who delivers more Christmas presents than UPS! But you know he needs all the help he can get, and you can help by registering all your information on the website, so every time from then on you won't have to type in your office on your clicky-clacky IBM keyboard from 1981.
141	Dual Composters	greg	Done	21	12/13/2015
He turned to go, which was awkward because he was carrying bucket load after bucket load of stinking garbage and pouring it carefully into the concrete mixer.
140	Deli Bologna	greg	Done	22	11/28/2015
The street was not too busy, except around lunchtime when my stomach was really growling and my co-workers I am sure could hear the embarrassing sounds of grinding gears.
139	Getting Ready for Fall !	betty	Done	21	10/29/2015
Thinking fast, I ran down the hill trying to stay ahead of the rolling pumpkin. I was hoping to catch it before it fell into the raging river down below. Unfortunately, just at the last second, I slipped in the mud and slid right into a big pile of manure.
138	Slatherage	greg	Done	21	9/16/2015
I first heard about them when they appeared as my Wiki Word of the Day. Another stupid bunch of words. Who writes this stuff?? I wouldn't be surprised if the author was Mr. John James, former front man of Newsboys, another Aussie rock band which barely predates Dig Hay Zoose. sound of Newsboys that made them so distinct, now that DC Talk alumnus Michael Tait has replaced Peter Furler, unfortunately has largely aged well.
137	Growing Those Tomatoes !	betty	Done	21	8/1/2015
Unexpectedly, the plants were hit with a terrible blight which quickly made them perk up. I was satisfied with that, so then I sprayed the tomatoes with a solution to kill the blight. I found the recipe in a plant book: You mix beer, baking soda, and then add a cup of Miracle-Gro.
136	Midnight snack	colleen	Done	21	6/11/2015
Why is it that you don't get hungry until you are in the kitchen. Don't be surprised if you find yourself by asking hard questions, not taking anything at face value, exposing yourself to new experiences, and at every opportunity, enjoying a big bowl of homemade potato salad.
135	That New Smart Phone	betty	Done	22	6/10/2015
I also took my time thinking up a good password. too smart for me" !! I just gave up and started playing Soda Crush. A relaxing game that makes me feel insecure. The only thing that could settle my nerves now would be if I could take some time to remove all the apps I don't like.
134	NOT A REAL STORY! IGNORE THIS	greg	Done	24	6/3/2015
his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life. That'll teach 'em! GIMME COOKIE!! his name must be stricken from the Lamb's Book of Life.
133	Why me!?!!	colleen	Done	23	6/3/2015
I'm tired of people wasting time watching stupid reality shows.. Give me a break! Isn't real life reality enough? Instead they should think how they would feel in that situation. Only then can a person really have the courage to stand up before an audience and give a rallying speech.
132	Backyard Projects	betty	Done	22	5/28/2015
and called the cops, thinking I was about to hang a hippopotamus. Before I could explain myself, the owner of the garden center rushed over, alarmed yet civil, and insisted that I present certification from the county that I had been approved to dig an artificial pond.
131	Cupcakes!	colleen	Done	22	5/26/2015
Sweat trickled down his leg and got on the beam, and when he took his next step, he closed his eyes and took the first bite.
129	Climbing Enchanted Rock	betty	Done	21	5/2/2015
There, under a little tree, we saw all colors of lichens growing on the bald rock. When I touched one, it felt rough. I decided to take a picture. I took out my camera and turned around facing west where in the distance we could see giant floaters in our vision!
128	I Need to Take a Trip !	betty	Done	22	4/16/2015
I got my autograph book ready, and waited and waited and waited. I got so sleepy that I put my head on the edge of the elevator shaft. It's hazardous to do that because the TSA might take you aside and frisk you!
127	Bonnie's New Tutoring Job	bonnie	Done	27	4/16/2015
Well, she knew she never wanted the children to go hungry, so if anyone forgot his or her snack, I would gladly give him or her part of my granola bar.
126	Getting Ready for New Year's Eve	betty	Done	22	2/18/2015
If only everyone would stand still! If only I had remembered all the eggnog was gone! Why is the eggnog always gone? Why is the New Year's number always depicted as novelty eyeglasses? So we worked through the night putting the final touches on the family portrait.
125	New Year's Resolutions	bonnie	Done	22	12/24/2014
What's that, you say? Well, say you resolve to go jogging every morning. You make an agreement that every morning this person will cry a river of tears, because of thankfulness that you made such a positive difference!
124	Get Those Presents Wrapped !	betty	Done	22	12/24/2014
Now you are all set for a very Merry Christmas! Sit back, relax, and take a big sample of that egg nog !! I think we deserve it ! Arrange them in a semi-circle under the Christmas tree, but make sure they are not near any pets.
123	We Need a Plumber !	betty	Done	22	12/12/2014
Skeptically, I lifted up tile after tile from the floor and underneath I saw a great deal of cat hair, all matted together into a gluey fabric reminiscent of the feeling you get while watching episodes of "This Old House."
122	Christmas Decorations	bonnie	Done	22	12/12/2014
They must be coming from Harbor Hills Drive! I put my car in first gear and turned onto the street and then what came toward me was a car with a Rudolph nose on the grill and antlers every where!
121	I Just Could Not Stop Playing That Video Game !!	betty	Done	21	11/28/2014
The stench was unbearable and permeated every corner of the room. We needed a room freshener bad !! So I sprayed the room with a can of Whoop-Ass! When everyone saw me opening it, they knew they were in dire straits when they entered the cave and deep within they saw a tumor!
120	The Great Beyond	xander	Done	21	9/21/2014
I bet you traveled on a expired visa! Bad boy! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? I'm talking about the ICE, of course, and they don't have space suits safe enough to last over 6 months on Mars.
119	Summer	bonnie	Done	20	9/21/2014
And after 30 minutes, you can add another layer of impermeable film. That will prevent water loss through evaporation. That will mean fewer times you have to refill the pitcher at your lemonade stand. Whereas you will always have to have a fresh supply of ice and a number of clean towels.
118	Best Video Game of the Year !	betty	Done	22	8/15/2014
Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game!
117	The best movie EVER!!!	colleen	Done	21	7/18/2014
I just saw the BEST movie of all time! Only, I don't think anyone else understood why I went to the movies even though I was blind!
116	What I Saw When I Took A Walk II	greg	Done	23	5/28/2014
That's my peanut butter!! Gimme back my Game Boy !!! Don't you know I can punch you in your face!
115	You know...	bonnie	Done	23	11/10/2013
I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great?
114	Whatever is on your mind !	betty	Done	24	10/27/2013
They may cause a tremendous amount of gas and you will feel quite light-headed. The remedy for that is to be totally relaxed, have warm socks on your feet, and be ready to tackle the quarterback! Hut one, hut two, there he goes! Quick!! Get on him, before he prepared the meal.
113	Nursery Rhyme	greg	Done	22	10/24/2013
Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack. They will no doubt go to the beach on the next sunny day and find oodles of candy to give to all the party guests! Soon everyone will be able to fetch a pail of water better than that clumsy doofus, Jack.
112	Global Warming !	betty	Done	26	8/19/2013
They were scarfing them down by the bowlful. Then we knew we were in store for greenhouses gases by the cubic yard.
110	Planning a trip to Texas...or Virginia !	betty	Done	22	4/19/2013
With that load off my mind, I turned my attention to the Mack truck that was barreling down the road, straight towards me!
109	Thanksgiving	bonnie	Done	19	12/19/2012
I exclaimed. "You go to Dollar General to find a knife sharpener but instead you come home with a large group of hungry friends and acquaintances! Hah!"
108	I Blew Up My Lab!	greg	Done	21	10/26/2012
I figured I would clean it up with the blood of my enemies!
107	Christmas Shopping III	betty	Done	21	2/11/2012
After 30 seconds (which seems like an eternity, given that we could still hear it breathing), we finally found our car in the parking lot after looking for 2 hours !!
106	Let's Organize Your Garage !	betty	Done	22	7/25/2011
Because now there is a place for everything and everything is in its final stages.
105	Christmas Shopping II	greg	Done	21	2/24/2011
It was so big that there was no way I could fit it into my shopping bag, so to carry it in I found an empty wastebasket.
103	Zombie Attack!	greg	Done	22	6/10/2010
Where's my money, you silly stupid old fool?" Since he was no Jimmy Stewart fan, the zombie jumped out of the monitor and uttered a gravelly :) voice at me, and said right into my ear, "
102	The Art of Decluttering	betty	Done	21	8/4/2009
HAHAHAHA!!!! Then, we passed our box of clutter in a circle like Musical Chairs, and whoever ended up with the box, then that person had to chase the Fly Lady all over the room with a butterfly net.
101	The hathood of the traveling brown hat.	rhonda	Done	21	3/20/2009
Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going. Why you might not even have time to check under the car, behind the seats, and in the glovebox. Because you never know when it's finally time to give up and check the map to see where you are really going.
100	The Nephews come to Visit	greg	Done	22	12/9/2008
We also went from level 1 to level the concrete slab so that the new gazebo would not be crooked. It was a backbreaking job, so we took a break so that we could go to Chuck E.
99	Laser Eye Surgery	greg	Done	20	10/3/2008
Boy are you in luck! Just today we got a whole shipment of dynamic proportions." Later the doctor decided to play some soothing music for his patients. i 2 Eye", by Michael W. Smith. Despite the title, the album doesn't have anything to do with eyes or vision, unlike another one of Michael's albums, titled "Visions of broken blood veins and serrated mucous membranes."
98	Abiathar the Superhero!	greg	Done	21	4/27/2007
What a revolting development! And before they could catch their breath, a pile of hydras lumbered up to a million influence.
97	My New Video Game!	betty	Done	21	3/13/2007
That was easy. Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle! This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres! I knew I had to think fast. ready! Let the battle begin!
96	Fixing up my Garden	greg	Done	22	1/29/2007
But they were eating all the leaves off my periwinkles. This calls for action!
95	Rearranging My New Tech Room	betty	Done	22	1/31/2007
"Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!" she yelled over her armful of wallpaper rolls, paint chips, and fabric squares. "Your color scheme is ALL WRONG!!!!!!" Soon, too soon, I heard steps creeping up the stairs, and into my new tech room burst Martha Stewart!
94	Speeding Down the Highway	betty	Done	21	12/4/2006
He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph. Well you'll never know unless you try!
93	Having Surgery	greg	Done	20	12/1/2006
The note also said "What have you eaten lately? and these 2 lungs are the only ones you'll ever have, so you need to take care of them! And the best way to do that is to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible; otherwise the patient will ask for more Jello pudding than we can hope to provide.
92	Accountant at Work	greg	Done	21	4/1/2006
We also put out a wide variety of chewed pencils which seemed to be coated with a sticky layer of Glue-Stik glue, the kind you get from the Dollar Store.
91	What I Saw When I Took a Walk	betty	Done	21	3/31/2006
I could the pressure building in my lower abdomen. If I waited any longer I would poop on myself! So I turned around and I rushed toward the massive oak tree in order to hide behind it. They wouldn't see me here.
90	Learning a Foreign Language	greg	Done	22	2/4/2006
That's why one time I was talking to Dr. Stephen Hawking and he said "Isn't that something! Isn't that something! We started laughing hilariously and we had to enunciate to be understood. If you mispronounce something you could really offend somebody by saying something you didn't intend.
89	Putting out Christmas Lights	betty	Done	21	2/3/2006
Dodging tiny glass shrapnel, I jumped through hoops trying to get the lights to the top of the tree, but only succeeded in getting them around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all sang "Ring Around the Rosie"!
88	Lazor Beam Hydra	greg	Done	22	12/16/2005
She shrieked, " My baby! My baby!" We came running and saw many tentacles creeping out of the hatch, and they were reaching for a rope to pull themselves out before the Lazor Beam Hydra returned!!!!!!!!
87	Concert at Chrysler Hall	betty	Done	21	12/14/2005
I asked, and they said please to take our seats immediately! The maestro was heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! he howled, and the audience began to shuffle their feet with boredom. That restless sound soon reached the top balcony, where our VIP seats were.
86	Touring Europe	bonnie	Done	21	12/13/2005
I pulled my beret lower over my fear of crashing. I wasn't the one driving, and I was petrified as I sat there in the passenger seat (on the left side). We sped along the unfamiliar tanks from the Russian military came rolling down the highway, the asphault crumbling under their heavy wheels!
85	Christmas Shopping	betty	Done	22	12/1/2005
he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, " God bless us, every one!"
84	Working at McDonald's	greg	Done	21	12/1/2005
See? It says right here: "This product may contain peanuts and for those persons with allergies, it may cause severe difficulty in operating a vehicle or other heavy equipment!"
83	Trip to the Pumpkin Patch	sherry	Done	22	11/7/2005
I shuddered; I now knew why I liked pumpkin pie so much. I could hardly wait to get back home so I could start making trouble for everyone.
82	test2	greg	Done	24	9/16/2015
He then tried to use the cash register, but it exploded! Into a million pieces of pillow filling! bendy. Here, hold my Silly-Putty(tm) while I give you another test. Sit down quickly and write your name at the top of your game. Because clothes make the man. That's why I wear dorky clothes and spike my hair with glittery gel.
81	Going Into Space II	greg	Done	21	10/28/2005
But you would know that being the seasoned astronaut that you are. Why you could probably teach us to perform an EVA correctly and not drift away from the craft. First, secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese, just as the Lunar Society of Cheese-Lovers had predicted.
80	Taking Computer Class	betty	Done	20	10/27/2005
Or Windows 3.1!! Ha ha ha!" We all had a big laugh. But the truth was hard to swallow; in fact I was so overwhelmed, that I had to make the computer do what the teacher wanted it to do!
79	Cooking Show II	greg	Done	21	9/27/2005
Very carefully, Kent lifted the phone to his ear. he said cautiously. a voice exclaimed. with at least a gallon of premium unleaded. Kent then fired up the golf cart and careened off the stage, knocking pans and lampstands and gaffers everywhere. With a maniacal howl, he headed straight for the audience and handed out free samples.
78	Potty Training the Twins	betty	Done	21	9/24/2005
The quickest thing I could do was put them into a big cardboard box. If I hurried, I could get to Warehouse Store and buy another 1000 diapers before they go to college! So don't worry, everybody poops, more or less, and it all works out in the end.
77	Noisy Neighbors	bonnie	Done	21	9/23/2005
They aren't just noisy, they are very dirty people too! I just hate having to pick up all their 10-pound weights on the floor. I mean it. They must be major weightlifters because that's exactly what it sounds like: dumbells on the floor next to my barbell and other weight equipment.
76	Driving Across Country	betty	Done	22	9/16/2005
Squish. We immediately had a flat tire! And I know it was because we ran over a speed bump that was so big, the front end of the car shot into the air! We were leaning back like astronauts!
75	NASCAR Days	greg	Done	21	9/9/2005
I panicked at first until I learned my suit was really fireproof. Nobody but nobody wants to be in a fiery wreck and only be wearing a Kevlar vest and boxer briefs. There is no A/C in a race car, and it gets pretty darn hot in the cabin. The vest, of course, is for protection.
74	Conserving Water	bonnie	Done	22	9/9/2005
All it takes is some education, some motivation, and some creativity, and we'll all have good water for many generations to come.
73	The Best Diet Ever!	sherry	Done	21	8/31/2005
Awesome! But there's one thing that would better than that, and that's when you'll start to notice the fat just melting off!
72	What a Yard Sale!	betty	Done	20	8/23/2005
Soon the hordes would be here. I was a little nervous, because this was my very first yard sale. I ate a quick breakfast of hot lava. We had the yard sale near an active volcano and called it a firesale.
71	Test Pilot	greg	Done	21	8/17/2005
I think we may have flown into enemy territory! And you know what that means! That means we will have to try to land at the closest airport we can find! Don't be alarmed at a change in plans, just make your face like flint, give it full throttle and close your eyes!
70	A Day in the Life of a Dork	sherry	Done	21	8/14/2005
And what's more, your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised." I nodded, and added, " Boy! Am I a Dork! Can you tell that I am a MENSA member?
69	Time for a Checkup!	bonnie	Done	21	8/3/2005
I would look like a model off the cover of one of those muscle man magazines!! If I did, then I could REALLY feel my heart pounding!
68	Building My New Cat Condo	betty	Done	21	7/10/2005
"Well, you didn't expect him to throw up on it, did you? Tee hee!" Steamed, I went to the kitchen and got a knife.
67	Putting Up Wallpaper	greg	Done	21	6/12/2005
I started to wonder if licking the backing was really the correct way to do this. I was going to need a lot more spit to get this job done. As I prepared the next strip, I suddenly has the urge to pee. But the toilet had been removed! So I went upstairs and screamed to let out the frustration.
66	My Newest Home Improvement Project!	betty	Done	20	5/17/2005
First to Home Depot to load up with materials, plus take a class to teach me how to install a new toilet. I decided to put it in the garbage disposal to see what would happen.
65	Phone Call	bonnie	Done	21	5/9/2005
As a Space Marine, you'll have a 40mm shoulder-mounted plasma thrower, 30cm vibroblade, and of course a standard simple telephone table is all that you need. It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium.
64	Airline Pilot	greg	Done	21	4/23/2005
This was my first day on the job as a new airliner pilot, and everything had to be just right. So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure!
63	I'm Not In It For The...	bonnie	Done	21	4/6/2005
I'm not in it for the crust, I'm in it for the long haul. Because quitters never win, and winners never quit. And I'm a winner! I'm also a plumber and I really like going under people's houses. You can find some strange things, like one time I found a fly in my soup so I killed the whole town.
62	Hosting a Cooking Show	betty	Done	21	4/12/2005
This is not a middle school cafeteria! Look what just landed on the counter! It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show.
61	Ain't It Cool?	greg	Done	22	4/7/2005
We're talking flames comin' out of the freakin' wheel wells, a Confederate flag on either side, and the hood a big ol' skull ring -- solid silver!
60	Competing with Starbuck's	bonnie	Done	21	4/2/2005
He stood up and gathered his belongings, which was difficult to do while holding the coffee cup.
59	My First Ocean Cruise	betty	Done	21	3/28/2005
I could have told you he was crazy, and everyone would have agreed with me, but still, no one could believe what he did next: he set the throttle to flank speed, and ran the ship aground, right in the middle of the beach! He laughed and exclaimed, "I'm turning this sucker into a waterside museum!
58	Captain Underpants	greg	Done	21	3/23/2005
They were all dressed in furs and diamonds, tuxedos and tails, and they all looked at each other with wonder, mingled with disgust. "I can't believe you just wet your pants!
57	New Year's Resolutions!	bonnie	Done	21	3/18/2005
Incredulous, he asked, "But how would you get rid of all that flab in just 2 weeks? It cannot be possible!
56	Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon	betty	Done	21	3/13/2005
There was utter pandemonium until Mr. T. 's deep voice resonated through the room, declaring, " All your base are belong to us, make your time!" Who would have know that such a educational program would be on at this time?
55	Spy Base Alpha	greg	Done	21	3/8/2005
That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Clip after clip was burned through until we heard those momentous words: "Cut! That's a wrap. Thanks guys, we'll see you tomorrow." Time itself seemed to slow down and the bullets whizzed by each other's ears and limbs.
54	Texas Winter	bonnie	Done	20	3/3/2005
We loaded up on sunscreen and popsicles, and took off! Beach, HERE WE COME! We were almost there when great hailstones began falling from the sky.
53	Christmas Shopping - 2004	betty	Done	20	2/26/2005
So I got out my list and crossed everything off. "Everyone's getting Jolly Ranchers this year!"
52	Modeling Agency	greg	Done	21	2/21/2005
This ensemble would blow away the skeletal remains of the anorexic models. What a tragedy. But the show must go on. The rest of you: Take a number and get in line. When you fill in your applications, please include your criminal history, if applicable. That may seem like a strange question, but would you mind if I applied just a bit more hair gel?
51	All I Need Is...	bonnie	Done	21	2/16/2005
Ever get that vague feeling that something's missing? What is it? Right now I'm thinking it's a good night's sleep!
50	My Summer at the Archeological Dig	betty	Done	21	2/11/2005
We did know for sure however that neanderthals did NOT eat Chicken McNuggets. And yet, here are the little yellow wrappers!" There was a long, tense silence, until finally someone said, "Well, I'm hungry.
49	Shopping at Lowe's	greg	Done	20	2/6/2005
When I got there I saw pickup trucks coming and going all day long. So Lowe's decided to stay open until midnight to accomodate all the purchases! Actually, you may need TWO carts!
48	Anorexia Therapy	bonnie	Done	21	2/1/2005
It's counter-productive. Stay focused on eating everything in sight. You may end up being bulimic, but at least that won't kill you. Probably. Your other alternative is to eat yogurt 3 times a day. To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna.
47	Building My New House!	betty	Done	23	1/27/2005
"Well, at least I didn't try to dig a basement. I'm sure if I did I would have an underground playroom! Complete with tire swing, roller-skating area, dress-up box, and kitchenette! All the neighbors' kids were stomping in the mud, making a big mess: so I put them to work mixing up the cement instead.
46	Ultimate Ninja II	greg	Done	21	1/22/2005
It's 5:00pm! It's almost time for my backward-spinning atomic dragon kick!" I bounced off two walls and the ceiling, appearing as no more than a black ghost before I landed the blows, methodically right between the eyes, whirled around and thrust a powerful kick right into his solar plexus!
45	Election Day!	betty	Done	21	1/17/2005
Can you do better than that?" but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote!
44	A Day in the Life of...	bonnie	Done	20	1/12/2005
Maybe he should just walk over and slap around the intruder! The alarm passed quickly and we swarmed all over the invader of our nest, biting and stinging with abandon. When it was over, Barrister lay there panting.
43	High School Carwash	greg	Done	20	1/7/2005
We looked at him like we was nuts. We took it and squeezed it as hard as we could. Then we took both ends and twisted them into mangled balls of metal. The giant robot then kicked them out of his way, like soccer balls made of tin foil. over her top, and "WASH" over her lower area, so the signs obscured her clothing and everyone driving past would think "Holy cow!
42	Pushed Over the Edge	bonnie	Done	21	1/2/2005
She could tell her blood sugar was low from delaying lunch. The headache. The queasiness. The dizziness. Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse.
41	Cleaning Out the Garage	betty	Done	21	12/28/2004
We had rented it for just this purpose. Waste Management was going to come get it at the end of the week. "We should tell all the neighbors we have this in case they could use it in their eggs, for breakfast."
40	HULK SMASH!	greg	Done	20	12/23/2004
The building shook with a bone-buzzing boom! Dust and debris fell as the bricks were loosened from the incredible shock. People across the street turned to look and gasped because streams of green sludge were rushing down the gutters and into the subway tunnel.
39	Joining the PTA	bonnie	Done	20	12/18/2004
We didn't know quite what to do. So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu. Next on the agenda was the Annual Potholder Fair, held every year, where the parents had a potholder-making contest, the winner being presented a trio of woven friendship bracelets.
38	Going to the County Fair	betty	Done	20	12/13/2004
I screamed for help! Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!" Insane with panic, I grabbed the blue ribbon watermelon and threw it as hard as I could at the red-faced perpetrator.
37	News at 11	greg	Done	20	12/8/2004
They worked around the clock sweeping all the flood waters out of the newsroom. Needless, to say, all the sound equipment was choked with papers that had been discarded right out the window. They lay in wet piles atop the sewer grates, and rats slithered out and began to dance on the grates!
36	Investigating Vegetarianism	bonnie	Done	21	12/3/2004
I need more flavor! Pilot! Pilot! I need a pilot! Oh, I forgot my plane ride is over. Good thing I asked for a Kosher meal. I guess that's why they gave me a plate of warm stir-fried vegetable with tofu crumbles."
35	Boppy's Trip to Texas	betty	Done	21	11/28/2004
Good for the immune system! Good for your mood! It's even good for fryin' up that armadillo you done run right over with your dang ol' truck. We scraped it up off the road, and put it in a tortilla! Everything tastes good in a tortilla! Meat, eggs, cheese, even chopped veggies mixed with ranch dressing, peanut butter, honey, butter, and more peanut butter.
34	Dance Class	bonnie	Done	21	11/23/2004
Which makes sense, actually, because the piano player had sprained his ankle and couldn't show up.
33	The Minotaur King	greg	Done	21	11/18/2004
That soft cartilage is so sensitive, so easy to bleed, so tender and kind. I felt much better about the whole situation now that the lands no longer lived under the tyrannical ravages of the Minotaur King, the people would be free to laugh out loud, sleep in on weekends, and eat dessert at any time of day!
32	The Bizarre Bazaar	bonnie	Done	20	11/13/2004
For all of them I would need a room the size of plums! "Ooh. That's very nice," I said, smiling. "No thanks." I tried to be polite but firm. No one in his right mind would ever think of charging $100 for an old rug! "I'm not paying that much!" I told him! he waved me away as he threw his creaky voice back over his shoulder.
31	My Trip Around the World	betty	Done	21	11/8/2004
When they tried to dance, they ended up in the Taj Mahal, surrounded by furious Muslim imams! They were all holding uzis! The lead one proclaimed, "You have trespassed on holy ground, infidel, now you will put on your scuba gear because we are going underwater.
30	Downtown Precinct	greg	Done	22	11/3/2004
Hmmm. And I probably should wear my gun. I'm nervous about this, you know. The fact that I'm addicted to placebos doesn't make it any easier. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference. I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Put the handcuffs on and lead me away.
29	Growing Up on a Farm	betty	Done	21	10/29/2004
Clearly the stress of the situation was getting to everyone, but the bickering stopped when we heard a loud explosion coming from the outhouse.
28	The Dinosaur World	bonnie	Done	21	10/24/2004
We had to clean it off before it attracted more predators. We found a stream, and carefully waded into it. How delightfully cool was the bubbling water. How soft and green was the bed of moss along the bank. But suddenly we heard a loud rushing!
27	Gardening with Betty	greg	Done	20	10/19/2004
No interlopers in this garden! You can count on me to take care of all the weeds, because I know what a weed looks like. It looks like a cross between a marigold and a dandelion. If you see one of these, pull it up!
26	On the Open Road	bonnie	Done	21	10/14/2004
I got the hose inserted into the tire and put in 25 pounds of gas! Then he got on the motorcycle, but it wouldn't roll. He realized he needed to oil his wheels. So he oiled his wheels adjusted his helmut and took off down the highway, 0 to 60 in 4 seconds!
25	The International Village	bonnie	Done	21	10/9/2004
they jumped into the car and drove to the museum. They were so excited to see a dinosaur in the museum! Even though it was just the skeleton, somebody was scared. But then we realized: we were all scared. The forces of Hauptmann Gestapo were closing in, and Molly was really enjoying her Chinese Chop Suey.
24	Weekend in Paris	greg	Done	21	10/4/2004
I screamed. "Why, I oughta punch your red diaper doper baby lights out! You flamin' liberal French sissy. Go back into your cave and drink your cafe au lait.
23	Xander Goes Shopping	betty	Done	22	9/29/2004
It was sealed in sandwich bags labeled "Made by Hand by Xander and Ethan". The play dough looked nice and squishy and came in lots of colors. Each bag weighed half an ounce, so we were able to stuff a great many of them in Xander's backpack before he started complaining.
22	Fart Dictionary	bonnie	Done	21	9/24/2004
Hey, we're valley girls AND we're blonde. We don't know much, but what we do know is that farts have been around as long as people have been eating vegetables. On that note, would you like some more teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea? How about some sugar? You can't have tea without sugar!
21	Boot Camp	greg	Done	21	9/19/2004
I wasn't sure but I quickly learned not to ask questions and certainly not to complain. Sometimes I did anyway, and I paid sorely for it. Soon I had a cold, and I had to think long and hard if I should keep going out in the cold rain with no boots on.
20	Good Old Pop's Drive-in	betty	Done	21	9/14/2004
Whoa Nellie! The kitchen staff were in for some major shipments of hamburgers. Three huge tractor trailers pulled up, filling most of the parking lot, and the workers started unloading the giant packages of hamburger buns. You know, the ones we don't like: They squish so easily and they taste like they always have: awesome!
19	Going Back to College	betty	Done	21	9/9/2004
"I am become death--destroyer of worlds!" I growled as I walked in. She said, " Hand me that application and I will see if you are qualified to take any classes. I want you to know that I make the final decision, so you better be on your p's and q's.
18	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie	bonnie	Done	21	9/4/2004
And if you let him sweep, then he'll want to shake the rugs outside. And if he goes outside, and doesn't take an umbrella he will probably be drowned in the torrential downpour. One can never be too careful. For example, if you are going to take a ride in a car, you should always wear your mouse fur coat.
17	Our Summer Vacation	betty	Done	21	8/30/2004
The colors blended in the evening twilight until they all resembled mud pies. "How will we ever get all this mud off?" She whined. "Is anybody hurt?" I asked. "That was quite a steep waterslide! I don't think I want to go down that again!
16	Trapped in a Mine	greg	Done	21	8/25/2004
Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game." But not to worry! Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game." FOREVER! But not to worry! Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game."
14	Our Visit to the Library	bonnie	Done	21	8/15/2004
"Hide under the trees!" I shouted. "Stay still and don't move a muscle. The sniper has a laser scope focused right on your forehead." I wondered if I was fast enough to try to run for it, but we tried to talk him out of it, because if they saw him, it would give us all away. "You fools!"
13	Stress Reduction Techniques	bonnie	Done	23	8/10/2004
My friends said, "Quickly, turn off the electricity before she's fried!" I lunged for the power switch, but just then there was a loud explosion outside the meditation room! What had happened?! We all ran outside in our white robes and saw to our surprise a big birthday cake, covered with candles and exquisitely patterned icing, sitting on the table.
12	My New Job at Burger King	betty	Done	20	8/5/2004
The supervisor clapped me on the back as the cameras flashed; but I didn't notice.
11	Cooking with Grandma	betty	Done	22	7/31/2004
And no one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked golden brown teenage girls. They clearly had been tanning for quite some time.
10	Ultimate Ninja	greg	Done	22	7/26/2004
You killed my father! You killed my brother! Now... I'll kill YOU!" And with that, they clapped the dust off their hands, clapped each other on the shoulders in appreciation and camaraderie, and clapped a leather helmet on everybody's head.
8	Wall Street Blues	greg	Done	22	7/16/2004
Greg couldn't believe his jail sentence would be that long, but considering the number of his convictions, he knew he had jail time ahead.
7	Going into Space	betty	Done	21	7/11/2004
In fact... exclaimed Sam with barely contained glee. Unfortunately, he was wearing his kyptonite underwear that day, and they all parachuted out into a black hole of oblivion. Because of the low gravity, the buildings were very tall, so tall, in fact, that they were able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
5	Ye Olde Medieval Days	betty	Done	21	7/1/2004
Count Muenster, along with the Earl of Sandwich, agreed to approach the Duke, but first the catapult must be reloaded. So everyone got together and loaded it with sausage. Some cheese, bread, and wine, and minutes later they were feasting away. But only an hour later, the King and all his countrymen gathered on the field of battle.
4	Barrister the Lawyer Cat	betty	Done	21	6/26/2004
Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store! We are going to get this matter settled once and for all, said the judge as he beckoned Lord Elsington to even higher status within the SSBC: Secret Society of British Cats. "I want my toys back now!" Lord Elsington exclaimed.
3	The Big Conundrum	betty	Done	21	6/21/2004
Finally, they spilled out into the aisles of the auditorium and all threw their hats into the air. Yeeha! We graduated! Everyone stood in fearful amazement wondering if they would be doomed to live the rest of their lives up in branches of this oak tree.
2	Woo baby!	greg	Done	21	6/16/2004
Bonnie nodded gleefully, and handed her a big basket of individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper. A bonus to be sure! She stored them in the back pocket of her blue jeans. She also had a holster for a Colt .45, which she kept cleverly hidden under her jacket. So when she walked into the coffee shop, she immediately put down her heavy backpack.
1	Big Computer	greg	Done	18	6/11/2004
the time had come to eat a Burger King Whopper. "I want cheese on mine!" Greg whined. But Chad said, I've just about had it with these mice in the attic; It's time to take aggressive measures.