| Grandma rose early in the morning and drank her coffee while she listened to the rooster crowing. Then she put on her apron and started making biscuits. She had all the ingredients, except she needed some fresh orc blood. But not just any orc blood. The orc blood this recipe called for had to be room temperature. But they were cold, fresh out of the frig. Being in a hurry, she held them to her belly in order to warm their little wet bodies. Poor little things, all soaked and cold, she then took them one by one and gently rubbed them with a towel. After only a few minutes they began to hatch. "I don't know what to do with all these eggshells. Maybe I should crush them into little bits and bake them in the oven and feed them back to the chickens. That's what my daddy would do. It will harden their pork brains until they're nice and crunchy. Then you dip them in chocolate, and roll them in crushed walnuts. When they are all finished, you place them carefully on a doily and garnish them with breath-freshening parsley. Parsley isn't given nearly enough press for its natural, chemical-free breath-freshening qualities. Just be sure to brush your teeth after, though, the dark green bits between her teeth showed up in the camera shot. Oh no! And this was the photo they were going to publish in the newspaper next to her recipe for Banana Upside-Down Chocolate Chip Brownies with walnuts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And wash 'em down with a tall glass of chocolate milk. A month later, when we got a craving for them again, all we had to do was pull some extra we'd saved out of the freezer! Boy, were they needing some more M&M's on top. And melted marshmallows. And chocolate sprinkles on top of that. "Hey," Betty called from inside, "Are those hot dogs ready yet?" I said, "Hot dogs? I thought we we were having T-bone steaks! What a bummer. You know hot dogs give me terrible indigestion, and not only that, they also give me a set of free ginseng knives, you know, the kind you use for energy-supporting herbs. More people should be aware of the benefits of tending a garden and growing your own begetables. Grandma loved the taste of her fresh eggs and milk too. And no one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked
golden brown teenage girls. They clearly had been tanning for quite some time. "Hey you girls," I exclaimed, "come out of the sun before you get skin cancer. Come and sample some of these fresh-baked biscuits with homemade apple butter and freshly churned butter. You cannot beat the taste! Eating these every day will make you feel like a million bucks! This will pep you up: a nice hot cup of hot tea! What in the world else would a Grandma have at the end of a long day........or at the beginning of a short one?! But before she could drink it, she had to add a spoonful of honey and a little squirt of diarrhea, and she knew she should haven't eaten that greasy platter of fries and fried chicken with extra grease. But that's OK, because we had fire insurance. THE END! |