| Ted's day started out innocently enough, with his usual morning routine, but then, during his normally uneventful commute to work, a horde of zombies rushed toward his car! There must have been hundreds of them! They were everywhere! They must have gone through 15 boxes of Saltine crackers! After that, all they could think about was getting to Pop's before it closed, so they could each buy a ticket to ride in the new roller coaster, "Maximus Vomitorium", designed by a team of students. With their unorthodox approach, they gathered exotic plants from the Amazon Rainforest, pulverized them and mixed them with liquid kale, because it's so good for you! Do you know what else is good for a scratchy throat? A nice, hot cup of tea, flavored with garlic. I thought, "That doesn't sound good for breakfast." For breakfast I would rather have one bar of dark chocolate than ten bars of "The Star-Spangled Banner". Taking a deep breath, I pulled in my stomach, stood on my tip toes and dived into the warm swaying sandworms that erupted from the dunes of Arrakis. The heat that radiated from their cavernous maws surged over us like a hurricane of pain. We had to seek shelter fast or we would be doomed for sure. Nearby there was a lurking police car. People should know better than to cook a bowl of noodles for lunch in the middle of defeating the giant cave troll, I found I needed quickly to scrub that off before it stained. Smell that? It's napalm. In the morning. I LOVE IT! It smells like victory and then, when you least expect to find roly poly bugs in the flower pots. One must get rid of them by voting for the Republican candidate! Do you want more freedom? Want a return to the moral, family values that made this country great? Then you need to put your feet up sometimes. THE END! |