| I read the review in the newspaper and could hardly wait to order the new game Libations of Blood ! After I downloaded it, the opening scene seemed to be set in the mouth of a cave. Past the opening, there is ... there is a grand expanse of purple mountains, faraway blue lakes, and a great number of reddish-orange Doritos. They were next to the Cheetos, Slim Jims, Twizzlers, and a box of Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there. Poop. I wondered how it had gotten in there. How it had gotten in there I'll never know. Anyone with half a brain should know better than to listen to loud rap music while playing such an intense video game! Why if I had not been concentrating, my handsome hero would surely have fallen into debt. Video games are expensive, especially if you buy them when they first come out, or even pre-order them. That's why when there's a new game coming out that I want, I always get scared if I'm approaching a shadowy corner. I'm very cautious in that case because I really don't want for a dinosaur to eat me. That would probably hurt. That would probably hurt. It hurt so much I had to get a carpal tunnel syndrome operation! And for 3 weeks I had to wear an Ace bandage on my damaged vertebrae, which were partially crushed in a parkour accident two years prior. When it happened, I spent the first 3 months just learning how to use this stupid new controller. Now on both wrists I have to wear elastic harnesses attached to the ropes which connect to 220 outlets. This doesn't look good. I so don't want to fry my new game console! Maybe I better flick this switch to "off". Then switch it back to "on". Then I started flicking it back and forth rapidly, making the lights in the room flash like a cheap rave. All I needed to do was add music, and then people would really flock to my door. We could have an all-nighter playing The Best Video Game of the Year! And I am sure they would all bring their own beer. Last time we had an all-night video game marathon, the beer alone cost me all the money I made mowing lawns all summer! During those hot summer days I must have sweated 2 pints of O-positive. I handed them to the nurse, but she shook her head and said, "Oh my!!! What a garbled mess this has become!!! At least I was able to kill all the drop bears and goblins, well, sort of, I guess." Then she thought to herself: "I sure do hope there aren't eggs in that cave over there." And with that, the screen went blank!! What the hell?!?!?! What a bad game ending!!! But what an awesome game. THE END! |