| My favorite part about Christmas decorations is how the lights cheer up the dark winter nights. You'll be driving along and see millions of lights! They must be coming from Harbor Hills Drive! I put my car in first gear and turned onto the street and then what came toward me was a car with a Rudolph nose on the grill and antlers every where! That's what you get for asking the genie from the lamp for a million bucks! Now what?!! I called 911 and guess who answered! = Some guy in an elf costume! "HaHa! That's great!" I said, "Now I know my electric bill will go up!" I was kidding of course, but I knew now the county would surely waive the rule about no inflatables taller than 40 feet! Some people think they are dead! But they're just acting. They're just lying there waiting to be strung from shrub to shrub. Let's get going! First I will check them by plugging them into the nearest electrical outlet. It's a trick to get the lights lined up just right, but when you do, the results are two thumbs with far too many blisters, and a back with far too acute an angle. I suppose I had to work this week. Dragging myself from my warm nest of sheets, I reached over to turn off the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Bed Warmer. A new day! Full of possibilities for winning the county's "Best Decorated Yard". We had to get to work! I asked Bonnie to go buy lots of candles. Nothing brightens up a wintertime room like candlelight! For a festive holiday fragrance, try cinnamon or balsam, but my favorite choice would definitely be soft amber lighting accented with rhinestones and gold leaf. Now that's classy! Another thing to consider: Christmas dinner table centerpieces. My favorite thing to use for that is a treetop angel...dressed in silver and gold and on her head wpuld be a sparkling grape juice instead of champagne. "What!" I exclaimed. "I'm a high-class dude, so I require REAL POWER." I stared quizzically at Vladimir Putin, who was in turn staring intensely at a full-size horse and licking his lips. With a glorious roar, he hefted it over his shoulders and tried to go through the front door. However, as he stepped over the threshold, he stepped into a cave. He could see tunnels to the SOUTH and NORTH beneath his torchlight. Behind him was sunlight. He checked his INVENTORY. It held a Book, a Knife, a...shoot! He dropped his torch and it sputtered, going out in moments. He was left in utter darkness and promptly eaten by a grue. Well-stuffed tummies are definitely a part of Christmas: pot-bellied snowmen, Santa...all indicative of prosperity and feasting. That's my favorite! THE END! |