| There's something most people have never heard of, as they go about their ordinary lives, everyone is stumped about what in the world a stump vine is! I looked it up on wikipedia and it said a stump vine is just a another name for a happening that is probably rare where they live, but a common occurrence around these parts. I sat down with my neighbor Jed to shoot the breeze and chew tobacky, and I told him that people around here would know what he's talking about. They have always known about what pesticides were too dangerous to use. For instance you would never use DDT in combination with crystals of methamphetamine! I didn't want to break the bad news, but police could show up at any minute! When they get here, we will make our favorite hamburger strogonoff using ground up stumps. The result is a very useful mulch. Put all of it in the back of the truck and take it to the dump! And while you are there, make sure you pick up some latticework or fishing line because as the vine grows, it wraps around everything in its path and starts choking the other plants when then in desperation they start to prune it, they don't know such actions are misguided. The beauty of the Stump Vine is in its elegant foliage and its unique bark. In fact, the bark is so smooth, yet at the same time it is also dying! That's the second stump vine to die this season. I had no idea it would handle the change in climate so poorly, from indoors moving to Alaska was going to be monumental! Should I sell everything and buy all new there or rent a moving van? I asked the head of NASA for advice, and thoughtfully, he advised me to spead the word about this legendary plant. Many have never heard of it, and if they have, they think What's the use?? No matter what we do it always turns out to be time to make more Greg Pizza! Besides the regular beef and pepperoni topping, I also had too many solar lights in the yard. A neighbor said I was using up too much sunshine. Irritated, I told her to quit telling me that the Stump Vine exists. "It's not real!" I shouted. Somber, she looked straight into my eyes for a moment. "Yes," she said gravely, "It is real." THE END! |