Xander took me on an unhurried walking tour all around his campus. But first I got to see his dorm building and room. In his room I was surprised to see a tick crawling on my shoe. Ick! I hadn't even considered bringing bug spray. Well, like they say, when life hands you lemons, discard the lemons; make bacon. So I picked up the tick and carried it to the entomology lab for analysis. There, I was greeted by a flock of trained roadrunners! As a group, they ran ahead to lead me, looking behind every so often to be sure no roadrunners were following us. Next time I would bring some birdseed and scatter. Who knew what would show up? We might even see a protest by a bunch of liberal snowflakes demanding safe spaces to protect themselves from being offended. Sure enough, I found one. I walked up to them and said, "You're so nerdy and yet so down-to-earth at the same time. How do you achieve this appealing balance?" They replied, "We achieve it by a combination of blister cream and bandaids. And it works! Next time we take a walking tour we will bring plenty of musical instruments, especially guitars and drums." That sounded good, but I had to wonder if there would be enough butter pecan ice cream to go around. I mean there were a lot of people here, and it looked as if every single one of them had brought their A-game. They were unbeatable. They were everywhere at once. As soon as any player was in the least bit of jeopardy, he would take the ball and throw it out the dorm window onto the crowd of new freshmen coming in.They started yelling and running toward the gym. Meanwhile, just leaving from there was a group of sweaty pony-tailed girls running toward the cafe we could smell the delicious aromas. We could hardly wait to eat! I even could detect the smell of SUCCESS!! With their youthful energy and can-do attitude, nothing could stop the students from rioting about the demolition of the omelet bar. NO !! What to do?? They, to a man, all decided to rush the stage. It was pandemonium! Chairs were flying, fists were flying, and threats were splashed across the campus center walls with hot pink paint. We could not let visitors see them! So a crew of many students vigorously applied their muscle power and with great success, they snapped the toothpick in half. The table full of jocks nearby were laughing their heads off, but little did they know what was lurking behind the door of the Chemistry Lab... They all trooped in and lo, and behold, there waiting for them was Hulk Hogan! He was going to teach them a new school anthem. He tapped his conductor's rod on the podium, and then, when he was sure he had their attention, he said, "I am the Big Cheese around here. If you need ANYthing, just ask me, and I will refer you to my friend: Chuck Norris." THE END! |