| The batteries were running low. We were already out of water. We trapped, a hundred feet underground in a mine that was used for blowing big holes into the cave walls. There was a whole box of dynamite that someone had left behind. Hey maybe this will work out after all! So he took one stick, and he cut it into one inch pieces and used them to start a fire. "Are you crazy?" someone complained, "You'll use up all our air!" But I knew she was wrong because she was always wrong. "I have a better idea," I said, "Why don't you shnie that light over here? I am afraid I am going to fall into a dead end! Stunned with discouragement, no one spoke for a few moments. "I wish we had a stereo. Then we could listen to tunes while waiting to be rescued." "Are you nuts?!" I exclaimed. "How can you think about food at a time like this? Do you realize our first priority is AIR?" "Women!" He thought to himself, "They are so scared of their shadows! Hey if it were left up to me I would never travel with women, I would only travel with my SWISS ARMY KNIFE! And that's ALL I NEED! And my pup tent. In case it rains. And that's ALL I NEED! And this chair. And that's ALL I NEED. And this dead battery. And this rock. And this lawn chair. And that's ALL I NEED!" People began to stare at him because he had a pale green luminescence about him. He looked down at his hands. Green! What had happened?! He began to feel sick and dizzy; his stomach started to rumble and growl, but then I realized it was just my stomach. It frightened everyone down there, but I reassured them saying, "Not to worry old chaps. I have a map in my attache case. I come prepared for anything! Why, in my back pocket I even have a map to a secret underground base, which is also underwater!" We had to use a submarine to get to it. None of us had ever driven one before, but the tunnel was easy to drive through because there were all kinds of lights and even air conditioning. It was an amazing engineering feat to build such a tunnel under such a large amount of debt that no one could afford to rent the equipment to dig them out. "Let's call the National Guard," I said, "Does anybody have a cell phone?" Someone yelled from the back, "I do! I do! But my foot is stuck and I can't move; It is stuck in a endless loop. This tunnel. It's stuck in some sort of space-time moebius strip, such that no matter how many times we go down it, we'll always end up back in the mine. We're stuck here! FOREVER! But not to worry! Remember, we found a hidden cache of Moon Pies and RC Colas....plus we can always play the turn down game." THE END! |