| Greg, Xander, and Boppy were tired. Having trudged for miles upon miles through untamed wilderness, they at last collapsed as they reached the final step of their journey. In the valley below them lay a dangerous but lucrative ruin from ages past, filled with strange creatures and treasures. Night was falling, so in the morning they would check the weather report and then decide how to split up the gold. It was probably fair to divide it evenly amongst the group, but Greg is definitely the strongest and would probably contribute more to global warming or maybe even global cooling. Who knows? Let's call up a Harvard professor and ask him if he knows why the room is glowing orange. He'll probably say, "You dunderhead! Obviously it's because I did not have a flying carpet when I needed one!" Now what? Here I am, stuck up on this remote control for the Blu-Ray player. I kept mashing buttons and nothing worked. In frustration, finally I kicked the door. Amazed, I watched while the panel I'd kicked receded, and the door slowly creaked open.... I was so afraid to look. I just shut my eyes really tight and slowly scooted backward into the nearby escape pod. Luckily it was activated already, so the geiger counter started a vigorous ticking. It was a little scary, thinking how many cosmic rays might be whizzing all around us. What I really wanted to do after listening to all of that was break something. My fury knew no bounds, and I would have my revenge. But first, I needed to build a safety net! I bought a whole bunch of ropes at Ace Hardware and carefully wove them into a really strong basket we could use to swing ourselves across the chasm. Searching for a good spot to lasso the lead line, we spotted what appeared to be a very sturdy Viking axes protruding out of this rocky hillside. They were not even rusty! We tried and tried to pull them out, but we had woven that basket so tightly, they were firmly stuck. The only solution we could think of was to cut the rope to the anchor so we could drift away from the whirlpool...hopefully. We rowed with all our might and soon we reached the boundary between the dimensions. It looked like a wall of glimmering water. We stood there, looking at it, hesitating, until we decided to take a little bite. What a strange taste, like nothing we had ever had before. And the texture was very light, like gossamer. Bewildered by so many things we had never encountered before, we knew this was only the beginning of the end. Streaking fire fell from the sky, and portals opened in the earth, from which spilled the uncountable, writhing forms of extradimensional creatures. Thankfully, Greg had saved a ton of money by switching to GEICO! And so, when we got back home, having experienced so much and learned so many lessons, we knew we would be facing life with more boldness from then on. THE END! |