| Ethan and Xander were bored one day, and had the bright idea of starting a forest fire just for the hell of it. They would need lots of supplies, including sandwiches, bottled water, parasols, bug spray, a picnic blanket. battery chargers... ummm... I know I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, also while we are here, I would like to have a picnic! Yeah! I can bring roast beef sandwiches, and you can bring a few bottles of beer! You can bring a few bottles! Take one out, pass it around, 98 bottles of fire propellant, obviously. You might be wondering why I would think of such a thing! Well, I didn't. I will blame it on Smokey the Bear and his trusty cohort in crime, namely The Cheat--a strange, small creature skilled in stealth and thievery. It spoke no English, but followed orders well. He was also very mannerly. I could take lessons from him, because I want to change the name of this story to "Who's Sorry Now?!"When Xander heard that, he balled up his fist and smashed the walnut as hard as he could. "OW!" he cried as his bounced off, to no effect. "Wait!" she said. "That's not a walnut! It's a long way from here, so we'd better get started!" With that, everyone looked around to be sure nobody was watching when they dumped their camping garbage into the fast flowing river. Swollen from recent rains, it would be a good protection from big brown grizzly bears who roam around always looking for tasty wheat! It's got vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Everything your body needs. But it looks and tastes like snot so wash it down with very dry sticks and pine straw. We gathered all that in a little pile, and then went looking for the all important matches. Can't have a fire without matches. For good measure he also grabbed a can of whoopass should do the tric' Nevertheless, let us with all due diligence seek to find a pool of water or a stream or something to put the fire out! Frantically, I ran, crashing through the woods. Countless branches were scraping me, leaving thin, red trails across my arms and face. Still, I ran on. I had to take a break and drink some ice cold Mountain Dew and eat a bite of pecan praline nougat covered in sticky napalm, which I made by dissolving Styrofoam in gasoline. This was the moment of truth. This was the moment the past several weeks had been building up to. At last, now was the time to decide: which is better? woods or open fields? THE END! |