| So no one else wanted to start a new story, so here it is: There was sinkload of dirty dishes, and LaLaLeiya was not making a move, so I pitched in with some hot water and dish soap, and Voila! They were finished. On that note her cousin from France came for a visit and her name was... VoilaLeiya! That cousin from France was a little strange, she had peculiar habits like washing her dishes in the bidet, injecting Thai hot sauce into her croissants before eating them, and always driving LalaLeiya and her cousin around to see the sights, and we could never pass a Long John Silver's without their putting up a big fuss. It was really getting on my nerves. So to calm them down I decided to show them my appointment book with times, dates, and detailed descriptions to verify that yes, indeed, they were enjoying themselves, having kitty treats and drinking warm milk. What a vacation they both were having and all thanks to me and my organizational skills! Well, I'm glad that's done. All that litter scattered everywhere! What messy cats. First I get a shower then wipe down the cats, and as for VoilaLeiya... I am sending her back to the manufacturer! Sending *IT* back. This was the most disappointing robotic vacuum I had ever used. 1 star! It got caught on everything! The laptop charger cable, the frill on the area rug, the bottom of the curtains... it even got stuck on logistics. Luckily, we had somebody here who knows how to ask all the right questions so we can work out a feasible plan. She asked, "How do we know this robo-vacuum will do any better a job than the last one?" I said, "This one costs twice as much. I would certainly expect it to be much better. After all, you get what you pay for." She shook her head and said, "That's not always did the cat treats work. Sometimes I had to open a can of sardines! I pulled back the lid and the smell was questionable, like peanut butter mixed with half and half and a dollop of warm heavy cream. What cat could resist that?? I place the bowl on the floor, and before I could even step away,... the robovac started sucking up my sock! Within a second, it had pulled it right off my foot, and then I heard ripping sounds, and I realized it was tearing my sock apart! What kind of hardware did you install in that monster? What were you going to do with 2 unhappy cats, hungry and hating the cat food you bought for them? I just decided not to go to the store again. I put out 2 bowls and closed the ledger with an authoritative clap." Everyone knew what that meant: the information in there was the only thing standing between them and total loss of cat fur. The Mange had set in with great ferocity. The Vet was astounded. He said, " I have never seen anything like it before.... it must have been caused by faulty logic!" A collective gasp of shock was followed by stunned silence as everyone tried to understand how to keep 2 cats who used to be friends from absolutely screaming at each other. Oh my. Maybe catnip would help. So I made a catnip tea and put out 2 bowls of it. After drinking their fill...woohoo! ... they then proceeded to let loose a tremendous battle cry, striking fear into the hearts of their enemies. Their fury was legendary, their strength and unity were more than we could contend with. Once, they were humble, housecleaning appliances. Now, the weaponized and evolved robovacs had become an army, one which had a single purpose: to clean up the filth that is humanity. Like a sea of round, squat cockroaches, they approached inexorably, sunlight glinting off their gold-plated pens and the clips on their clipboards. With windblown hair and feet planted firmly on the foam-washed rocks, one of them gazed out at the surf and said, "Thanks to all of our diligent analysis, the administration of this plan will assure the survival of humanity for many generations!" THE END! |