Everybody loves it when an opportunity arises just to pause for a minute and enjoy nature. Sometimes these opportunities happen unexpectedly, so I headed out to the Xander/Boppy burning pit to strike a match to one bag of paper trash and to another bag that held the other albums Mannheim Steamroller was famous for: Christmas Extraordinaire. They made five of those. They werr also known for making excellent fried fish in a delightful lemon sauce. Served with a nice dry white, can of Rustoleum spray paint. That will do the trick. Just don't be heavy handed with the instruments! Chip Davis paid a lot to assemble this plethora of instruments, and you -- what? Plethora. Plethora. No, it's a word that means a tornado probably came though overnight. Judging by the debris all over the front porch, I knew the next thing to do would be to install a charcoal filter. When you stop to think about it, we spend a lot of time installing things: software, shelves, popes, ...Wait! There can be only one Pope! And he doesn't know a thing about software unless it is his mitered hat, but that is kinda stiff. And shelves? He never puts anything away. Someone else does it for him, just as when he wants to sit down, what do you think happens?? He realized he broke a string in the last movement! "I thought those final notes sounded off," he mentally mumbled to himself. Aggravated, he waved at Chip to get his attention, and then made a "kill it" motion across his neck. Unfortunately, he didn't understand that you're supposed to take a deep breath first. So when he tried to gather up the magnolia leaves, the tree started rustling,he looked up and an avalanche of leaves came tumbling down! He couldn't see! He was stumbling! Stumbling, he tried to reach for the next page of music, but his cramp was so bad it was like he was moving in slow motion. The band would not wait! They moved on with their cheerfully rapid tempo, but mortifyingly, came withering to a halt, when he failed to play the next measure. The maestro glared and sighed. Everyone was staring because they had never seen anyone throwing beans in the river before. They thought they had come down to the river just to get a breath of fresh air, and now look what was happening. "Have you thought about the fish?" a lady called out, "What about all that scum on top of the water?! How can they breathe? You quickly need to scoop out all that stagnant water!" Everyone just stared at her blankly. Finally I said, "Why are you down here anyway? This is a private beach. No one invited you to this quilting meeting. Scram." The old ladies chuckled, ash sprinkling from the tips of their cigars. It is difficult to imagine that a gathering of seated elderly ladies could be intimidating, but their deadly stares and seasoned hands put my blood on ice. Their leader placed a salmon-pink square of floral embroidery on the table, her nails clacking the hard surface like the snap of a rib. The fear was simply too much, so I picked up a fish and started patting it, hoping it would not snarl and bite him anymore. It seemed to be working until he made a sudden move and it rapidly destabilized. The reaction spiralled our of control, detonating in a colorful blossom of chemical energy. The plume of smoke and flame launched itself into the atmosphere, spreading across the globe. At first, we were horrified. Surely, the fish would either stop swelling or explode! It was a fearsome moment indeed! Everyone held their breath in terror. Suddenly, the entire stage collapsed, exploded, and burst into flames, killing everyone instantly! Appearing in the midst of the carnage was Metallica, inside the mouth of a giant robot dinosaur. They immediately began playing their trademark heavy metal rock music. But it was all Mannheim Steamroller covers, so we didn't mind. THE END! |