But the fire is so delightful. And since we've got no place to go, we'll stay home and play Carcassonne. Actually, it's an introvert's dream, this whole solitary isolation business. Nobody ever bothers you, and you have basically infinite free time. If you're into meditation, make sure you have a cup of coffee ahead of time so that you don't accidentally slip on a patch of ice and land face-first in a pile of freshly driven icy cold snow causing me to feel the need to call the airline and confirm my flight hadn't been cancelled. When they answered the phone, they said "We don't want any." Then they slammed down the phone, jumped up and down, and stomped into the mud room. Most people's mud rooms have a bench where you can sit down and take off your muddy boots before you go into the house. This one, for as-yet unclear reasons, had a duffel bag filled to bursting with arms and ammunition. We were concerned, to say the least, but we couldn't deny that the in-flight safety briefing was really funny, even funnier than some of the Southwest Airlines ones we saw on Youtube. You know--the ones where you have to sand off the excess dirt and grime, and then the next step is the most important one: onto the airplane! Finally! My butt was sore from sitting around in the terminal for hours and hours. I'd probably crushed every candy in the entire solar system, and... uh oh, what's that noise? It sounds like burping...could it be from that big Christmas dinner?? I am still investigating that turn of events. The most suspicious aspect of the whole thing was how many armed guards we saw. For some reason, security had been increased overnight by a factor of 10. Once we entered the most secure part of the facility, it became clear what had everyone on edge: There was a large hidden aquarium covered with heavy drapes. We apprehensively and slowly pulled back a drape and saw to our wonderment and dismay a large thunderstorm right in our path! How did it appear so suddenly? The pilot banked to avoid it but it seemed to swoop toward us, and in moments were were engulfed in the savory smells of Christmas dinner cooking! Happy and relieved, we smiled and stepped through the revolving door only to be snagged into a continual rotation! We could not get out! Around and around... we were getting so dizzy, and as a last resort we tried crawling on our hands and knees. That took quite some time, but fortunately, they at least had an overstock of those little peanut snack bags to hand out to everyone. By that point I could have eaten a proper meal, but I couldn't be picky; I was starving! I scarfed down three of them before I remembered that I was deathly allergic to peanuts. As my throat closed up for the final time, I consoled myself with the thought that I did finally make it home... albeit feet-first. THE END! |