| We were so excited to be entering our home-grown vegetables in the County Fair! The tomatoes we took were huge! Each one weighed 200 pounds! Everyone who saw them were amazed, but many couldn't help whispering to each other, "I surely would like a taste of that there apple pie! I know it will be a blue ribbon winner. Look at that flaky crust!
Look at those plump chunks of meat on that carcass. This is the best BBQ I've been to!" He shoveled some baked beans on my plate and one big greasy hog jowl. I looked down and could feel my breakfast coming up. I quickly leaned over and threw up, deftly avoiding potentially lethal food poisoning. Then I grabbed a ticket to go see the biggest cow on the planet. When I peeped through the fence at it, it looked like a NINJA! "What?" she said, "I did too pay for my last Ferris wheel ride. Look, I have the ticket stub right here, next to my prize-winning apple pie. Look at it! The judges thought it tasted like chemicals. Wait... it's Nutrasweet! I've got aspartame posioning!" He started to spin drunkenly, crying "My head! My head!" but we grabbed him and wanted to turn him inside out, if you know what I mean. But we controlled ourselves and decided to give him the riot act. He was behaving like a crazy judge out to block anyone and everyone from winning a blue ribbon, much less the coveted county prize: the purple ribbon. How it gleamed in the mid-afternoon light. Mesmerized, I reached out to touch it.
"NINJA!" Startled, I turned around to see a Ferris wheel toppling over, about to smash dozens of people into tiny bits! I screamed for help! Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone. As I turned, the figure yelled, "NINJA!" Insane with panic, I grabbed the blue ribbon watermelon and threw it as hard as I could at the red-faced perpetrator. "You think you have the right to scare innocent people like that? Of all the nerve! Look behind you!" He turned around, and suddenly, "NINJA!" All the people, including the cops, shouted "Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind..." and the party continued into the wee hours of the morning. THE END! |