| Entering my study, I admired anew this soothing room. It was easy to relax in here. The smooth, dark polished wood, rich carpeting and drapes, and extensive collection of leather-bound books always served to calm my racing mind. But today my concerns would not so easily be laid to rest. Next to my brass desk set I laid my Kindergartener's Spider-Man folder. In it was an invitation to join the PTA. At first, I'd thought I'd died and gone to heaven. The Plutonium Transporters of America! They were famous for gigantic fund-raising fairs. In order to have lots of crafts to sell, they spent all year collecting all sorts of proof that the teachers weren't doing ther job. Well, one in particular. This guy looked like....well..Dilbert with a problem. We didn't know quite what to do.
So we blindly decided to strike chocolate-iced doughnuts from the cafeteria breakfast menu. Next on the agenda was the Annual Potholder Fair, held every year, where the parents had a potholder-making contest, the winner being presented a trio of woven friendship bracelets. What somebody would want with that cheap prize, I don't know. What do they think? That we're all a bunch of slack-jawed faggots. If we're going to regain any shred of respect we're going to have to take a stand! Together! I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. The voice of the people will not be ignored! A bundle of sticks is not easily glued together to make a log cabin for a school project. In fact, to collect all the sticks needed, the teachers and parents had to come to some sort of agreement. The parents wanted some say in the content of the curriculum, while the teachers wanted a billiard table and a wet bar. One spoke up: "I can tell ya where to get some hooch; the best is at Sonic Burger! I'm telling you, you've got to try this onion dip. It's awesome!" He grabbed the Tostitos and started handing out applications for new vinyl siding and storm windows. What's going on?
Is this some kind of sales pitch?!! To answer my question, around the corner came a flaming homosexual! I could tell because of the short shorts, and the brightness of his pink shirt hurt my eyes. I just looked the other way, because the PTA President had a booger on her nose. It was drooping down and looked older than dirt! "Who's that?" I asked. "Who, her? She's the Director of Faith-Based Initiatives at D.C.!" "You can all go home now," she said sweetly. "This PTA is disbanded. All your children will be going to Christian charter schools from now on!" The parents cheered while the teachers groaned. THE END! |