| Barrister the Lawyer Cat sat behind his big mahogany desk and pondered about the court cases for the day. The first case was Wal-mart vs. Lord Elsington. Barrister's client, Lord E., was accused of stealing four little fur toys from Lord Elsington. Natasha, a close associate of Elsington, claimed to have been an eyewitness. Barrister argued that because Lord Elsington was hungry he was justified in his theft. However the prosecutor Miss Na Tasha exploded in a verbal fog of circumlocutions and luscious loquaciousness, followed by a veritable swamp of laconic stillness. When the quiet had reached miasmic propotions, Miss Na Tasha again resumed her shrill tirade against her adversary in court, Barrister. This time the judge actually intervened, calling for a brief break, giving him time to steer the ship through the minefield. There were a few close calls, but after about 20 tense minutes she gave up. "I'm so stressed out I can't think. I need a break." So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket. That's what the country's coming to. A parking lot here, a parking lot there, and pretty soon you've got some real evidence there! Let me get a closer look. Let me get a closer look too, said Barrister. But Miss Na Tasha shoved in and grabbed the magnifying glass, knocking it against the side of the minivan, leaving a big dent. "What the heck??" the driver exclaimed as he leaped out. It was Tom Daschle! Laughing, we walked off down the sidewalk, leaving the mess for somebody else to clean up. The shopkeeper couldn't believe it! What was happening?!! Here was the judge, jury, attorneys, the whole court coming into his store! We are going to get this matter settled once and for all, said the judge as he beckoned Lord Elsington to even higher status within the SSBC: Secret Society of British Cats. "I want my toys back now!" Lord Elsington exclaimed. But Barrister denied that his client had done any real wrong. The prosecutor, Miss Na Tasha scrambled up fuming. She dove at Barrister with claws extended. The fur did fly. Lord E. even tried to intervene, but he was stomped on by Godzilla. Squish! Moments later the city came under attack by the whole host of jurors. Pandemonium ensued in the courtroom! The judge escaped deep scratches by hiding under his desk. Miss Na Tasha was into heavy spitting, and Barrister had to resort to using a bowl of Grape-Nuts for a litterbox. Next, he pled for mercy before the court. Desperate he spoke directly to the jury, and he said with tearful eyes, "I really, really, really want to watch a kids' show! PLEASE!" "No," his mom said, "your screen time is all used up for today. Tomorrow is a new day and you can renew your magazine subscriptions over the phone, but only if you act now!" So I hung up on him. I looked at Barrister, and said, "Hey, let bygones be bygones and let's all go out for anchovie pizza." THE END! |