| Heat waves rose up from the asphalt. A bead of sweat trickled down past her ear. She could tell her blood sugar was low from delaying lunch. The headache. The queasiness. The dizziness. Sleep-deprived and caffeinated, her psyche was a dangerous mixture of sluggish reasoning and irritation. She was a powder keg, and her ear was the fuse. "MO---om! Mom! Help me!" He was dangling from a precarious precipice with a scant hand hold. There wasn't much time to waste. They were going to be late! How could she get her toddler to hurry? He didn't want to be carried; he would fight and kick if she tried that. All she wanted was to get him to the car and buckled in as fast as possible. He didn't understand the concept of shining a sink. What's the big deal? And who has time to do that? He cleaned his sink when the water would not go down any more. Yeah! Then he would celebrate with a big scream, which merged into tears which shot straight out for four feet, and led to snot rivers from the nose to the chin. When this happens, you can't get a word in, so your best strategy is to put on your ninja mask and draw your ninja sword. After you do that, you should pull the emergency rip cord, hoping against hope that you won't end up splattered on the floor. Disgusted and demoralized, I bent to clean it up. The broken nose was so out of joint that breathing was difficult. Something had to be done! The doctor quickly cleaned the nostrils and inserted a peanut-butter sandwich into the VCR. Then he stuck a fork in an electrical outlet. This caused him to emit a strange growl-like sound from the base of his throat. Disturbed, I asked him, "What blood type are you? You know I think I can analyze your problem. Can you give me a sample of your artwork. Our analysis of that will give us a lot of insight into your mental problems." I said to him, "My only problem is YOUR ugly face. Speak to the hand! Because I don't want to look at your last moments of life on this earth!" With that he opened fire and I dodged every bullet with great aplomb. Now I was really thankful for those ballet lessons. My new flexibility was a great asset to my health. I thought it was worth a try, so I plugged in some batteries and turned it on. Lights started flashing red, white, and blue! It was the Presidential Parade! And here came the President himself riding in a strange car, wearing a strait jacket. I didn't know how to adjust the applause meter. Everyone seemed to be clapping too hard or too soft. It was hopeless. I kicked it over the edge of the stage. THE END! |