| Finally Election Day was here! And early in the morning, all across the country, the vote counters were ready for the squads of illegal immigrants and communists to descend upon the voting booths, there to wipe down all surfaces with antibacterial scrub. It was necessary because all the candidates were secretly communists. I had found this out by trying to push down ALL the little red levers. The volunteer outside the curtain heard all the mechanical sounds and mumbling, and called out to him, "It doesn't work like that! You IDIOT! Where is your voting card? And don't come in here sniveling like the loser Democrat that you are. Step up to the table and tell me your party affiliation, if you don't mind." I answered, "As a matter of fact, I do have clean hands and a pure heart, and I have not lifted up my hand to vote for John Kerry. Can you do better than that?" Then John Kerry took the stand and said the Pledge of Allegiance... but he pledged allegiance to communism. Then John Edwards told him, "It would really be to your advantage to settle on one candidate, especially the one who wanted to lower taxes and advocated more refreshments for the people who went to the trouble to come out to vote! We should have plenty of coffee and doughnuts to show our appreciation for all the free handguns being handed out at the NRA rally!" Meanwhile, across the street, the DNC rally was handing out free copies of the Communist Manifesto, which were all autographed by Snoop Doggy Dog and Jesse Jackson. What a prize! I bet I could sell them on E-Bay for at least a hundred hours. At the conclusion of it all, we were exhausted and hungry. So we went to the front of the line to show our voter cards. After the first lady wrote down my name, the second lady snapped her pencil in half and threw it angrily at the man who held up the gaudy "KERRY EDWARDS" banner. It was sad, in a way, since everyone knew that chewing gum really does stick to the bottoms of desks and stays there forever. So why not stick some on the voting booths for fun? I bet that would get more people to vote! You need live music, kiddie rides, free food, and most of all you need A BRAIN ! THE END! |