My three courses in Carpentry at Rappahannock C.C. should certainly qualify me to start my new house! I had already drawn the plans which would include 2, maybe 3 banks of cannons to blow away looters, marauders, and other human filth that would start roaming the streets if Kerry was elected president. That's why I needed an expert carpenter. Once you start getting creative you can envision new shapes for rooms. For instance, how about the shape of an egg? We could use that for the windows, the furniture, and the whole enchilada really did fit on the makeshift picnic table. The helper carpenters sat down, famished, and dove right in to the ice cream with nuts and chocalate syrup. After that I had forgotten my problems and was ready to mix the cement. We needed a large wheel barrow and plenty of buckets of cement. "Hey, take those back down! You don't build a roof with wheels of gouda cheese! Are you insane?" "Well, at least I didn't try to dig a basement. I'm sure if I did I would have an underground playroom! Complete with tire swing, roller-skating area, dress-up box, and kitchenette! All the neighbors' kids were stomping in the mud, making a big mess: so I put them to work mixing up the cement instead. They loved it! Wet cement reached from their toes all the way up to their knees! Either we're forming a habitat for something other than humans, or someone's gonna have to mow!" We'd been so busy tearing down the neighbors' hedges so we have room to expand. The swimming pool will go there, the miniature golf course there, and the toolshed had to be demolished to make room for the new inground swimming pool which would be reinforced with steel, 3 inches thick. No worries about putting a hot dish on that! As for a hard, scratch-resistant cutting surface, I chose muraled tempered glass. It was beautiful! Shining through from underneath were rows and rows of seats for the home theater. We could present movies in professional comfort for up to 30 people. On the walls were several works of art, but they were mounted right on the dry wall! "What idiot did this?" She shrieked. "You haven't even seen the rooftop gardens yet!" So we went upstairs with our cups of hot chocolate and sat under the skylights looking at all the stars
while listening to the wrecking ball and bulldozers smash my house to bits, so I can start over.. and this time, do it right. THE END! |