My first appearance on TV! MY own Cooking Show! The studio kitchen was sparkling, brand new appliances, and plenty of brandy. That helps takes the edge off when you get too stressed. Got your expensive Ginsu knives?? Great. Take them out and smile with satisfaction at that golden-brown glazed finish! Next, add 12 ounces of diced beef. For this I prefer to use a non-stick pan, as opposed to a stick pan. I'll hold these two examples up so you can see the difference. (Crowd goes "Ooooh!) Also, I prefer to use a plastic spatula, as opposed to eating what you fix right in front of the audience. You know they will want to taste some of the leavings had fallen on the floor and gone unnoticed. Eventually, this began to attract flies. "Who left the window open?" He shouted. "Close that window before that monkey gets in!" But it was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings. This was the lowest ranked show ever! To improve things, we had to make sure everyone in the audience got at least a taste, so we passed out portions the size of your brain doesn't matter. The size of your mouth is! Can you talk a good show? Will your viewing audience please stop throwing food and sit down! This is not a middle school cafeteria! Look what just landed on the counter!
It's a big glop of pork brains! Mix it in with the scrambled eggs and you will have a breakfast served to you in several courses, as I finish each section of the show. I have staff who will divide the German blood sausage into enough pieces so that everyone can have at least a Eastern European immigrant would have more good taste than the fresh-faced yahoos we've been putting on this show. To really improve tings feel free to add garlic -- 4 or 5 cloves. And to top it all off, all the lights went out just as we started to feel panic creep in, a lone voice called out from the darkness: "Pizza's here!" We all breathed a collective sigh of relief and proceeded to dig in. Using proper table ettiquette, of course. THE END! |