| Checking myself in the mirror, I adjusted my captain's hat again. This was my first day on the job as a new airliner pilot, and everything had to be just right. So I adjusted the seat. Then it felt much better. Reaching for the throw-up bag would be a good idea. Quickly, there is no time to waste! In a few seconds I will be unconscious from the lack of cabin pressure! I have to act quickly. I open the supply cabinet and what do I find? 10,000 Q-tips and 50 bottles of beer on the wall, 50 bottles of beer... whoa, a flashback to me graduation party. I better get my head on straight because I have to be able to see out the cockpit window. Just give me a second. All I have to do is adjust the flaps, the fuel mixture, and lower the altitude a little and then we'll be soaring like an eagle over the Grand Canyon. and see right before our eyes the ground rushing up toward us! No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels! Somebody slow them down! Even if you have to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. And that's exactly what I did, much to the surprise and shock of the pilot, the rudders were stuck, and the plane was started to pitch sideways! There was only one thing to do: activate the afterburners! Yeee-haw! As pure jet fuel sprayed into the turbine combustion chambers, their heads snapped back as the pilot yelled, "yeeee-oouch!...that's gonna hurt in the morning". The stewardess..ah..em.."flight attendent" immediately started rubbing his neck and said "Ouch! Somebody shot me!!" Pulling back his hand, he noticed a strange blip on the radar screen. And it seemed to be getting closer! It might just be a squadron of Zentraedi fighters, looking for easy human prey! They're in for a big surprise because our landing wheels won't come down. I think we are going to have a very bumpy landing! Be sure to tell all the passengers to please consider us the next time they're making travel plans. It's important for you to remember that each passenger stepped carefully over the puddles of puke and gladly walked down the metal stairway into the fresh air of Tarmac City, U.S.A. THE END! |