Don't get me started on stereos with too much bass. There's no way I am going to invite those idiots to my birthday party so they can eat all my gourmet pastries were sitting on the counter, and I reached for the mop to bang on the ceiling. Suddenly it occurred to me that I could hook up my Mega-Blaster speakers and aim them next door! My payback noise will surely make the neighbors feel sorry for me if they know they've been disturbing my nesting South American hens. They won't lay eggs with all this noise! When I go out to check the nests I might be surprised to find my neighbors have switched from listening to rap music to classic. The scintillating tones of Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven drifted with all their smokey offensive odor toward my patio! Not only were they noise polluters, they're even polluting my drainage ditch with their trash. They aren't just noisy, they are very dirty people too! I just hate having to pick up all their 10-pound weights on the floor. I mean it. They must be major weightlifters because that's exactly what it sounds like: dumbells on the floor next to my barbell and other weight equipment. My workout was over, and now I could hear them again playing their awful rap music. Boy, do I hate it! Every time I hear it, I am ready to go up there and ask them if they could please take off their concrete shoes when they're walking around upstairs! That's the only explanation for why we were stupid enough to move into this neighborhood. We much have been too noisy ourselves because the neighbors called up and said, "I just wondered if you knew there's a bowling alley right up the road. It's really not necessary for you to practice at home. I think they're even open at this time: your mouth! It needs to be CLOSED at this time!!" With that, she jumped off the roof and landed in the kiddie pool. Splash! The water flew out and drenched the apple pie in whipped cream, which I then cheerfully took to the neighbor's house. When they saw it, they finally understood. They were running dune buggies up there! THE END! |