It's that time of the year again! We bundled up and headed for the mall. But before we got there, we stopped at Starbucks to get revved up. I ordered a quad shot espresso - only problem was by the time we got to the store, my hands were skipping over the keypad like a skilled pianist playing Chopin. I had entered my Visa number so many times, I got a rubber stamp instead. I first used it to wipe my nose. I needed no distractions ,I had to be totally focused because of the traffic snarls, the icy streets, and the crazy dudes out front with the pots and handbells. Every time I walk by, they scare me. And those oh-so-happy elves, always poking at the customers and asking us, "Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you go and leave us alone? We searched the mall index to find a good place to eat, and we found the intriguing listing of "The 12 days of diarrhea. That's the last time I'm ever going to IHOP!" Thoroughly disgusted, we threw up our arms and shouted, "THIS STORE SUCKS!!" Needless to say, the manager had never heard such beautiful singing in his life. He smiled, sat down and boo-hooed right there in the mall. What else could happen?!! Right away we started looking for a ribbon to put on the ribbon and I was good to go! The only thing that was still bugging me was what to get for the person on my list that was the hardest to buy for: my loud and noxious neighbor. He had already asked me for a refund. "Why?" I asked. "I'll tell you why!!" he exclaimed, "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, "God bless us, every one!" A tear ran down my cheek as a sudden blast of frigid, snowy air reddened my nose, numbed my cheeks, caught my breath and blew all my packages into a snowdrift. THE END! |