| Oh Boy! I got a new video game! I could hardly wait to get home to play it! I got home, opened the box, and inside I saw a giant strawberry! I could use it to make dessert with. I got my first 100 points with my first 100 kills. That was easy. Now for the next 500 points I would have to load up on missiles and ammo and armor before I woke up I had another dream about the battle! This time the robot enemies chased me into a cave full of ogres! I knew I had to think fast. Fortunately I had my hand on the mouse; I had my "trigger finger" ready! Let the battle begin! The music started, and then slowly emerging onto the screen was a giant box! I knew it was full of video games which I had ordered. I'm so skilled at 'em they only last a few days, max. That's why I have to soak my hands in hot paraffin every night. What a relief! Then the next day I am ready to open fire with my thermonuclear missile pack. I activated the targeting mechanism, punched in the coordinates, and pushed the escape button over and over to no avail. OH NO, I must not die. In a last desperate move I pushed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and then guess what happened: the whole system shut down! And I hadn't saved my game! I was so mad! I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration. Hey! That'd make a good name for a game: "Playstation Frustration"! In that game you'd start out in the sewers killing rats with your bare hands, then after reaching your first level, you would start hanging pictures, nice and straight. Because it's Bob Vila: The Game. If you get enough points you can upgrade to a laser level, which lets you upgrade your hero another level without having to restart the level every time you died. You could reload, jump to your feet, and with all my new armor I would be invincible! The bronze cuirass, the ebony greaves, and the helmet that was made out of nuclear waste collected from sea to shining sea. Yes, everyone is America is playing my new video game. I'm gonna be rich! THE END! |